01x07 - The Pirates of Tarnoonga

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Star Wars: Droids". Aired: September 7, 1985 – June 7, 1986.*
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Droids follows the adventures of R2-D2 and C-3PO as they face off against gangsters, criminals, pirates, bounty hunters, the Galactic Empire and other threats.
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01x07 - The Pirates of Tarnoonga

Post by bunniefuu »

Steppin' softly in a danger zone

No w*apon in my hand

[R-D beeping]

It's just this brain designed by man

It's got me in trouble again

Trouble again

I put my life in jeopardy

In the service of my friends

I wouldn't care
But it's a dangerous affair

'Cause I'm in trouble again

[R-D whistles]

Trouble again

In trouble, in trouble, in trouble

Oh, how can I even hope
to shut down this modulator overload?

[sirens wailing]

Every time I touch anything mechanical,
it turns hostile.

-[steam blasting]
-Oh!

[sirens continue]

[shouting]

[grunts]

R-D, help! R!

[R-D beeping]

R, do something.

[R-D whistles]

[beeping]

Well, we certainly handled that problem.

[beeps]

Whoa!

All right, R, you handled the problem.
[exclaims]

[R-D beeping]

[C-PO] R, you don't seem to be aware

of the seriousness of our mission
for King Julpa.

Now, where is the platform button
to lift me out of here?

R?

R-D, get me out of here! R!

No sign of pirates in this sector, Jess.

Good. The sooner we get this fuel
to Tammuz-an, the better.

[R-D beeps]

The decoy shipment we set ahead must
have done the trick and drawn them off.

[R-D beeps]

[C-PO]
I found my own way out, no thanks to you.

[R-D beeps]

-[Jessica] What?
-Oh, dear. [exclaims]

[Jessica] Pirate fighters are coming in.
Deflector shields up. Quick!

Julpa's fighters are depending
on this fuel.

[C-PO]
Without it, Tammuz-an is defenseless.

Jann, we've got company. Now.

[Jann on comm] I'm on my way.

-[C-PO] We're doomed.
-Jann!

-[R-D beeps]
-[C-PO exclaims]

[Jessica grunting]

Don't worry, PO.
They want us in one piece.

Jess, give me some cover.

[Jessica] I'll try, Jann.

[humming]

Oh!

No! They're boarding!

[R-D beeping]

-[C-PO exclaims]
-[Jessica] Huh?

[R-D whistles softly]

I hereby claim this vessel, its cargo
and its crew in the name of--

Who do you think you are,
you-- you pirate slug?

I was just getting to that.

Let me introduce myself.

Captain Kybo Ren-Cha.

Oh, dear. Master.

Stop the droid.

[C-PO] We've been boarded.

Aaah!

PO.

[C-PO] Aaah!

[Kybo] I believe you wish to surrender.

Don't harm them.
I'm shutting down the att*ck systems.

Jann, run!

Jess?

Julpa, the pirates are on to us.

They've got Jess.

Leave the fuel. Save yourselves.

Don't worry about us, old friend.
We'll pull through.

[Kybo] Tractor in our fighter
and the A-wing.

Good luck.

[Jann] Thanks, old friend.

Master Jann, the pirates! Abandon--

[R-D beeping softly]

R-D. Oh! It's so good
to see that you're all right.

-Where are we?
-[Jessica] My guess is Tarnoonga.

[C-PO] Tarnoonga? The water planet?

Well, what are we doing here?

Oh, dear. We're going to crash.

[Jessica] No!

-It's a secret entrance.
-[C-PO] Entrance to what?

[Jessica] This must be
the pirates' hideout.

[Jann] Jess.

[speaking alien language]

[C-PO] He says that she is to be a guest
of Captain Kybo.

-She will not be harmed.
-[R-D beeps]

And I'm glad to see you, R.

How did they discover us?
What about the decoy fuel shipment?

We've got other things
to think about right now, PO.

Looks like they're gearing up
for something big.

-Like an invasion, sir?
-I'm afraid so.

Something tells me it's Julpa's planet.

[speaking alien language]

I believe, sir, he wants us
to follow him to that transport device.

Careful, sir. Sir?

[exclaims]

Aaah!

[R-D beeping]

Aaah!

[grunts]

-[R-D beeps]
-[C-PO exclaiming]

[grunts]

-I'm afraid I landed too hard, sir.
-[squeaking]

My bipedal stabilizers
seem to have contracted.

[speaks alien language]

[C-PO] These ruffians make Jawas
look like nobility by comparison.

-[speaks alien language]
-[C-PO] And the language.

-Where are we going?
-[squeaking continues]

Oh! This is most awkward.

Dear, oh dear!

[grumbles]

[R-D beeps softly]

[chattering in alien language]

[chattering, laughing]

[Kybo] So, tell me...

[chattering, laughing continues]

So, tell me...

[chattering, laughing continues]

[shouting] I want quiet!

[chattering, laughing stops]

[laughs]

So, tell me, why did you think I would
att*ck an empty decoy transporter

and allow your full fuel transporter
to slip by me?

Your spies have done
their work well, Kybo.

[chuckles] Yes, they have.

And now I have you, I have the fuel,
and King Julpa has nothing. [laughing]

[crowd laughing]

Think what you will, Kybo Ren,
you are mistaken.

I know there is not enough fuel
on Tammuz-an for a single fighter.

And now that I have your fuel,
they are defenseless. Ripe for an att*ck.

You'll find out differently. Just try it.

I intend to.

I have a little surprise I've been saving
just for the occasion.

A guarantee of victory.

[speaking alien language]

-PO, what did he say?
-Something about the Demolisher.

[speaking alien language]

-What does he mean, PO?
-[crowd laughing]

Well, sir, he feels that R and I
could be put to use after you're gone.

-Gone?
-Yes, sir.

I'm sorry to say that...

Well, Kybo plans to throw you
to some sea creature tomorrow.

[Kybo] Ah! The miridon.

What?

Oh, my goodness.

[R-D beeps]

-Jann!
-Don't worry. Maybe it's not hungry.

[laughs] I admire your courage.

I would like to have one such as you
on my side.

But...

[exclaims]

Jann!

[C-PO] Master!

R, do something.

-[R-D beeping]
-[C-PO] R! Aaah!

[Jessica] No!

No one escapes.

[C-PO] Let me go.

[R-D beeps]

[inhales deeply]

[gulps]

Release me at once.

Oh!

[gasps]

[exclaiming]

Dear, oh dear.

[miridon growling]

[R-D beeps]

[Jann screeching]

[growling]

[C-PO] R, save me.

R. R!

Oh! Oh!

Down there, R.

[R-D beeping]

[C-PO exclaims]

Oh, my!

[R-D beeps]

[roars]

[C-PO gasps, grunts]

-[Jann] PO!
-[R-D whistles]

[C-PO exclaims]

R!

[R-D beeps]

[C-PO] Oh!

Looks like they're ready
to launch their att*ck on Tammuz-an.

Somehow we must warn King Julpa.

[Jann] But first, we have to find Jess.

But, sir, how will we get close to her?

Oh. Uh...

[Jann] Follow me.

[C-PO] Oh!

[both scream]

[guard snoring]

-[gasps] Mistress Jessica.
-[snoring]

Mistress Jessica. Mistress Jessica.

Hurry, I've come to save you.

[speaks alien language]

[C-PO gasps] You're not her.

Um... uh...

Go back to sleep. You're dreaming.

-[man grumbles]
-[C-PO exclaims]

-No rush! Master Jann!
-[man shouts]

-[C-PO] Whoa!
-[pirates grunting]

[pirates grunting]

[R-D beeps]

-[man exclaims]
-[Gamorrean] Huh?

[Jann grunts]

-What?
-[Gamorrean growls]

-[Jann] Whoa!
-[pirates grunt]

I suggest we leave... [shouting]

[Jann] Get in.

[gasps]

You're not leaving.

Why, what about my offer?

I'd rather squeeze into a space suit
with a mynock than stay here with you.

Ha! You've got the spirit, the fire
I've been searching galaxies to find.

With the spoils from Tammuz-an,
I will buy you kingdoms.

Do you really think you'll win?

Kybo always wins.

No one escapes the wrath of--

[Jessica] I know. But how?

The Demolisher will see to it.

Well let's see what you can do without it.

[seeker humming]

[scoffs] Practice with a seeker
is child's play.

All right, seeker, anytime you're ready.

Why, you hot-sh*t ball. [laughs]

I'll get you. [grunts]

Attaboy. You've almost got it.

-[humming continues]
-Hold still.

Hold still, I said.

Good. Good! You got it now.

[grumbles]

[grunts]

Now hold still, I said.

Bye-bye.

-[Kybo grunting]
-[Jessica gasps]

[Kybo] Gotcha! [laughing]

[speaking alien language]

Jyn tells me that your friend
and his droids have escaped destruction.

Now I will succeed
where the miridon has failed.

-Watch her.
-[seeker hums]

No one escapes the wrath of Kybo Re--

-[blaster fires]
-[Kybo exclaims]

[crash]

-[R-D beeping]
-[C-PO exclaiming]

Hold on, PO.

I will, sir. [shouting] I will!

Huh?

[grumbles]

[speaks alien language]

[Jessica] Ladies first.

[growling]

[R-D beeps]

[pirates exclaim]

[screaming]

[C-PO gasps]

-[grunting]
-[R-D beeping]

Everyone okay?

You let that sea creature in, R.

-You cut the net in the water.
-[R-D beeps]

And I'm glad he did. Look!

[screaming]

Looks like everyone's forgotten about us.

[Kybo] Not everyone.

It is a shame to waste such ingenuity
and resourcefulness.

So now you admit that you cannot
escape the wrath of--

-[Jann] Down!
-Ky... [shouts]

[grunting]

[Jann] Jess.

[grunting continues]

[C-PO]
We were just on our way to rescue you.

Sorry, but I couldn't wait.

It's not over yet.

-Huh?
-[Jann] Quick, up there!

[pirate shouts]

-[pirates grunt]
-They're escaping. Stop them!

-[blaster fires]
-Huh?

[miridon roars]

[all exclaim]

We att*ck Tammuz-an, now.

If Kybo's men keep chasing us,
Jess can slip by and warn Julpa.

Oh, they're chasing us all right, sir.
That is, all except Kybo.

Kybo's not with them?

No, sir. He veered off as we left
Tarnoonga's atmosphere.

[beeps]

-[Jann] I see it, R.
-[C-PO] An Imperial Star Destroyer.

-That must be the Demolisher.
-[C-PO] Sir, what are we going to do?

[Jann] Not much.
It's got us in a tractor beam.

[Kybo] Welcome aboard the Demolisher.

It's small, but it's all we could...
[laughs] ...borrow from a repair dock.

The Empire will come looking for it, Kybo.

And when they do--

They'll find I scuttled it
on a remote planet.

By then, it will have served my purpose.

Tammuz-an, or what's left of it,
will be mine.

Ha! Take 'em away.

Even if Mistress Jess were to get the fuel
to Julpa's fighters,

they don't stand a chance
against this Destroyer.

I know.

Moments ago, we were trying
to warn Julpa about the att*ck.

And now we're loading the arms
that will be used against him.

-[R-D beeps]
-[droid beeps]

Careful, R. He's watching us.

[beeps]

R-D, you loaded that detonator
backwards.

That way, it'll backfire.

Do you mean...

you want it to backfire
and destroy the ship?

[R-D beeps]

Yes, well, and how are we going to find
Master Jann and escape in time?

Ask him to help?
You forgot about him, didn't you?

-[beeps]
-[exclaims]

R.

[beeping]

R?

[droid exclaims]

I suppose you think you're very clever.

-[R-D beeps]
-Hmm. Well a little modesty wouldn't hurt.

[C-PO exclaims]

We surrender. Don't sh**t!

-PO, R.
-[R-D beeps, whistles]

Hurry, Master Jann. We can't stay--

[pirate on comm] Tammuz-an fuel
transporter in sector eight and closing.

Jess!

[Kybo on intercom] Prepare forward lasers.

Quick! Try to disrupt their fire power
in the laser control area.

I'll take the bridge.

-Hurry!
-[R-D beeps, honks]

[Kybo] A little closer.

[snickers] One blast and that fuel will
explode like a supernova.

No use hanging around for the light show.

-Right about--
-[Jann] No!

-Jess!
-Now.

[Jann] Jess.

[laughs] You did it!

Huh? It's-- It's empty!
There's no fuel in the t*nk.

[Jann] There never was.

-We were the decoy, Kybo.
-What?

By attacking us, you let
the real fuel transporter get through.

-[pirate on comm] A-wings coming up fast!
-Let them come.

There's nothing, nothing they can do
to stop me.

Tammuz-an is mine.

My Demolisher is invincible.

Our fighters don't stand a chance
against it, Mon Julpa.

[Julpa] We must do what we can, Sollag.

-Order the squad to att*ck.
-[Jessica] Julpa.

Julpa!

I think Jann and the droids
are on the Destroyer.

Oh, hurry, R. Just how long can it take
to sabotage a Star Destroyer?

-[expl*si*n]
-Oh, dear.

-[R-D beeps]
-[C-PO exclaims]

I didn't mean
you had to finish that abruptly.

[pirate on comm]
The torpedoes are backfiring.

[pirates screaming]

[pirate on comm] Every system is down.

[pirates grunting]

[C-PO]
I think you overdid it this time, R.

-[R-D beeps]
-Me overdo it? [exclaims]

-Are you all right?
-Oh, don't worry about us, sir.

We're in better shape than this ship.

[grumbles] Work!
Something, anything. Work!

[pirate on comm] Engines overloading.

[Jann] Hang on!

[laughs] You guys did it!

That'll take care of that Demolisher.

-And R said I was overdoing it.
-[R-D beeps]

[Julpa] A transporter is on its way
to pick up the pirates from the Destroyer.

Congratulations. You were the best
decoys anyone could have hoped for.

[C-PO] Decoys? We were not the decoys,
were we sir?

[C-PO] I'm still not sure
if I understand it all, sir.

We were actually risking our necks
to save an empty fuel transporter?

We had to make it look good

so that Kybo wouldn't suspect
that the real shipment got through.

Kybo had to believe
he had won the battle before it started.

His over-confidence was his downfall.

[C-PO] Ah! Now then,
let this be a lesson to you, R.

-Never be too sure of an easy victory.
-[R-D beeping]

[gasps] What is that?

[R-D beeping]

I told you before, R,
never bring your toys into the bath

unless you're going to share them.

[beeping]

[all laughing]
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