03x15 - The Trap

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

STARSKY: Wait 'til
you see this watch.

I mean, it costs a
fortune but it is a dream.

Yeah, so, what's
wrong with the old one?

You don't understand, do you?

Uh, gentlemen, gentlemen,

may I show you something?

Yeah, yeah.

Let me see that watch.

Uh, which?

That one. Third one
from the left. Silver band.

Ta-ta-ta.

Ta-ta-ta. Hey. Hey.

Fingerprints.

Um, this one has a
stainless steel band.

Oh. Oh, no, no,
no. Not that one.

That one right there.

The one with the silver band.

Er, no, I don't see
any silver but...

Sir, please?

Ta-ta-ta. Out front. Out front.

Ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta.

That one.

Ah!

Uh, this one, sir, is
the Yamamoto Reflex.

It has a platinum band.

Ha. That's the one.

Yamamoto Reflex
with a platinum band.

Uh, ta-ta.

Please, sir, handle carefully.

Very expensive watch.

Now, that happens to be
the Rolls-Royce of watches.

[SIGHS] I can't
tell what time it is.

Look, this is not
just any watch,

this is the Yamamoto
Reflex watch.

You've got to
study it a little bit.

I'll give you a class.

See this? This gives
you the date and day.

Uh-huh. Of the week. Mmm?

This here button,

the alarm.

Push this,

sets off the alarm for
any time that you want.

This button here

is the, um, altimeter

and the a*t*matic depth gauge.

What time is it?

CLERK: That's right.

That one there allows
for a*t*matic illumination

for monitoring in
the dark, you see?

Uh, oh, that one allows for

the second hand to
point to magnetic north

and this one here is the set

for the stopwatch feature.

And, um, uh,

that one's temperature
and humidity, of course.

And this one over
here is to remind me

to look at the brochure.

Right ahead. What do you want?

Shhh. I think that little kid
is gonna steal something.

Holy mackerel! What?

She just did!

Stop. Stop! Wait!

STARSKY: Hey, come back here!

Stop. Stop!

My Yamamoto!

CLERK: Stop!

My watch! My watch!

Hey, stop!

Come back here! Police!

Police!

Stop. He's got my wa...

Hey, police. Come here!

Bring back my Yamamoto!

Back! Hey! Stop! Help.

Come back here! Wait!

CLERK: Right there, officer.

They're the guys
that stole the watch.

Well, actually, I think it
was rather large of you

to spend bucks
on that silly watch.

Shows a lot of class, right?

[CHUCKLING]

Actually, I thought it
was a pretty good deal

considering the only
thing wrong with this

was the crystal was
a little bit scratched.

Look who's talking.

The guy who spent bucks

for squashed flowers.

Hey, it would've taken me

a whole week to
write that report.

Besides, Dobey never
would've believed me.

Well, let me tell you something.

If we ever run into that
kid again, hang onto me,

or I'll be doing one to
five for police brutality.

If we ever run into that
kid again, I'll hold your coat.

[TELEPHONE BUZZES]

Starsky.

Starsky, if your
other half is there,

I'd like to meet with
the whole package.

Is that you, Huggy?

Most of me.

Anyhow, any chance of you
two stopping by my dip and sip?

What's the matter? Trouble?

If it ain't, I don't
know what is.

Okay, we'll be right over.

What's happening?
Huggy, doing an SOS.

Any details?

No. Just said he wouldn't talk
to me unless you were there.

On my way.

The time at the tone is...

bip-bip, bip-bip,
bip-bip, bip-bip.

MAN: That's their
car over there.

If you ask me,

a couple of sticks of
dynamite would be easier.

I'm paying and we're
going to do it my way.

I'll tell you one thing,
they weren't professionals.

How can you tell, Hutch?

Well, they were sloppy.

Pros would have been cleaner.

They would have
busted your mirror,

private stock, jukebox...

My head.

They didn't do a
bad job on my head.

Nah, a pro wouldn't
have touched you.

Yeah. Or they would
have busted you up more.

What do you think, Hutch?

Yeah, I think you've
got a point there.

I think Huggy got off
light. Hey, time out, guys.

Wouldn't you like to
know why this happened?

Lay it on us, Hug.

Next time you might try a chair.

Okay, Hug. Who and why?

Well, I'm glad I
got your attention.

You got it.

This tall dude,

not unlike "Mr.
America" over here...

The blond type wants to know

if I know a cop
named Hutchinson.

Ooh. It's getting interesting.

It gets better.

What did you say?

I gave him a firm noncommittal.

"Who?"

And the other guy starts
busting up my place.

What did the
other guy look like?

Definitely not one of your
more attractive h*m* sapiens.

Looking mean with
a potential for ugly,

if you know the type.

You sure that
radio's gonna work?

Are you kidding? With
that channel selector,

man, it'll take them
a week to figure it out.

They want to meet at :.

Where?

Where? The coffee
shop on th and Brady.

Why?

I don't know why.

I'd just as soon forget it,
starting yesterday, Hutch.

Why didn't they call
me at the precinct?

I don't know.

Maybe they wanted to ring
my bell to be more effective.

And it worked.

Oh, didn't it.

Sorry to see this
happen to you, old buddy.

Oh, that makes two of us, amigo.

Look, let's check
out that coffee shop.

Yeah, do that, huh?

And don't call me before
you bust those maniacs.

Huggy, we're only a phone
call away. Remember that.

Yeah, they'll probably come back

and write the
message on my skull

before I can make the call.

What do you think?

Well, I think I'll know
what I think about :.

Hey, hey.

Uh, when the gorillas split, I
peeked through the window

and I checked
out their transport.

I thought maybe two good
cops might want to know.

Huggy, you've got
a way about you.

What were they driving?

Oh, a truck. Tan panel job.

Good.

Is there anything
else you want to say?

Yeah, but it might bust up
our already-fragile relationship.

Can you dig it?

You ever get the feeling

that Huggy's not happy
to be part of the team?

No.

This is Zebra Three to control.

MAN: Come in, Zebra Three.

Yeah, this is Hutchinson.

Uh, give me an APB
on a tan panel truck.

License unknown.

Driven by a couple
of as*ault suspects.

They're Caucasian, one's blond,
the other one dark and bearded.

With a potential for ugly.

Copy, Zebra Three. Will advise.

[CHUCKLING]

The real guy couldn't
do it better, huh?

That's why I'm
paying you so good.

We move at :.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

You're picking up the check,

but for the same money,

me and Delano
can wipe this guy out

quick and easy.

Push, pull, click, click,

you've got one
recently departed cop.

Mm-mm. My way. We're doing
this my way, you understand?

The man who pays
the piper calls the tune.

Are you sure
everything is ready?

Whoa. Did the sun
rise this morning?

DELANO: You are paying
good enough to do this job

without asking any questions.

But I am real curious
about this number, man.

What did this cop do to you?

You're right.

You're getting paid enough
to do this job and shut up.

Yeah, we've still got
about an hour and a half.

You hungry? Nah.

I'd rather mix it up
on an empty stomach.

Well, if you're lucky, maybe
those dudes will resist arrest.

Hey. What?

How would you like to warm up?

Oh, yeah.

Let go of me, you pervert!

Weirdo! HUTCH: Come
on, you little rug rat!

I've got you now!

Pervert, let me go!

Stop it! Ow!

Let me go, you weirdo! Now!

You sexist...

The fuzz, huh?

Should've known a couple
of grungy creeps like you

would be the heat.

Cool it, kid. You're in
enough trouble as it is.

Let's have it. Have what?

The lighter. What lighter?

The lighter you stole
from the jewelry store.

More precisely, the lighter
you put in one of these pockets!

This lighter? That's it!

It's a birthday present
from my mother!

Sure it wasn't the tooth fairy
that put it under your pillow?

Come on. Where
are you taking me?

To see that nice man
that runs the jewelry store.

My mom said never to get
into a car with strange men.

Get in. Get in!

But you're only
a little strange.

Hey!

[MAN SPEAKS
INDISTINCTLY ON PHONE]

Yeah, Bagley here.

Pick me up in the
van minutes early.

I want to be sure to be at
the store exactly at :.

I don't care if I've
told you before.

I waited too long to blow it.

Yeah, this is the day I
get to k*ll my favorite cop.

Ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta!

Now, gentlemen,

we value Mrs. Carston's
account very highly

and her charge privileges, of
course, extend to Joey here.

What?

You're just going to put
that gold lighter on her tab?

Mrs. Carston's goodwill is
of considerable value to us.

You're not gonna press charges?

Charges? Of course not!

Heavens no. Joey is
always welcome here.

Yeah, well, uh,
thanks for your support.

Just ask for us the next
time the big kids bother you.

Fingertips.

Prints.

Ta-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta.

JOEY: Hey, this is kidnapping.

Where are you taking me?

STARSKY: Home to
see how your mother feels

about your
budding life of crime.

Let go! Weirdos.

Ahhh!

Oh, Joey.

I'm glad you're back.

Have you seen my car keys?

No.

Well, they've got to be
around here someplace.

No.

Now, the Jacuzzi
repairman's here...

[CLEARING THROAT]

Hi! Ah! There they are.

Thank goodness. Well, I'm off!

Oh, no. Is something wrong?

Well, Mrs. Cranston,
your daughter...

Carston. Carston.

Mrs. Carston. Your daughter
has been in some trouble.

Oh? She doesn't care.

She's one of those liberated
mothers. You know how it is.

Oh, Joey! Oh, tell the repairman
to use herb solution this time.

Then, uh, go to your room.

You heard me. Go to your room!

♪ Thanks for the memories ♪♪

That silly kid.

Listen, I'd invite you to stay,
but I'm running a little late.

Just, uh, what did Joey do?

Well, you see, ma'am, we were
in a jewelry store this morning

and we saw your
daughter lift a lighter.

Oh, it's that old
klepto phase again.

I mean, she'll get over it.

Excuse me, ma'am,
but don't you think

that's a rather casual
approach to take?

Oh, pooh!

I don't believe in that
old school of discipline.

Stifles their creativity.

Yeah, well, uh, is
her father home?

I wish he were. You know
that hang gliding is for the birds?

Listen, boys, I'll have a
good talk with her about this,

but I'm certainly not
going to punish her

over something as trivial
as a cigarette lighter.

I mean, she has a
very sensitive psyche.

STARSKY: Sure.

And not having a light

when you're dying for a smoke

could be m*rder on
a sensitive psyche.

MRS. CARSTON: You're funny!

Uh-oh. My EST seminar
has started already.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you for
bringing her home.

That's all right.

We were just on our way
to a... An encounter group.

STARSKY: Well,
it's almost showtime.

Whatever beef
they've got with me,

we're going to get
it up on our table.

That clock is
three minutes fast.

Or you're three minutes slow.

Not a chance.

This thing is accurate
within milliseconds.

Yeah, sure.

[LOUD BUZZING]

Well, uh, you wanted to
know when it was :.

I wanted to see if
the alarm worked.

Well...

Never mind. Hey.

[SIREN WAILING]

What have they got under
that hood, an airplane engine?

Zebra Three to control,

we are in pursuit
of a tan panel truck,

license number is -...

HUTCH: Baker-...

-, headed west on, uh...

Garden. Garden.

HUTCH: Request intercept.

We copy, Zebra Three.
Will request intercept.

Don't let them catch us here.

Foyt and Petty
couldn't catch this heap.

Come on, come on. Lose them.

[HORN BLARING]

Hey, take it easy, will you?

I'd like to be alive
when we catch them.

Relax. I think
we just lost them.

Zebra Three, we have a
report of a tan panel truck,

--Baker--

on Grover Boulevard,
heading north.

How'd they get up there?

It's fairly simple.

They probably know where
they're going and you don't.

Zebra Three, we have
another report on the tan truck.

It's heading north on
Miller Canyon Road.

So close and yet so far.

This is Zebra Three.

Will you notify the
Sheriff's Department

that we are leaving the city
in pursuit of the tan panel.

Where are those units that
got a bead on that truck?

Must be somewhere up ahead.

Zebra Three, Sheriff's
unit has spotted

tan panel on Badger Creek Road.

We just passed that.

I've got you!

[g*nf*re]

What the hell's going on?

You got ears?

Yeah. You hear the
size of that cannon?

Hear it? I almost
got a pedicure.

Hold it.

Don't sh**t. It's only me.

What are you doing here?

I couldn't face staying
in my room all day

so I climbed out the window.

You snuck in the back of my car.

That was dumb. I'm
beginning to think so.

Just stay right down
here and you don't move.

They're out in front.

Now they're around back.

[g*nf*re]

Not exactly a peashooter.

You know it.

You wanna check
the doors? All right.

They're bolted.

Look,

I think we should have
a small conference

before we proceed
with the arrest.

I just had the same thought.

What are you guys gonna do?

You keep your mouth
shut and stay down.

Don't move.

Where were we.

Conference.

Yeah.

You know what
just occurred to me?

In our business, the good guys

are supposed to
chase the bad guys,

the bad guys are
supposed to run away, right?

Uh-huh.

Well, we're the good guys.

How come the bad
guys aren't running?

Which brings me to
point two. Point two?

That a*tillery
they've got out there.

I noticed. We are slightly
outgunned, aren't we?

Which brings me to point three.

You wouldn't be referring to

a little female
stowaway, would you?

I would.

Well, you know, according to
the police manual, it says that...

We're supposed to sit tight.

Yeah. Wait for reinforcement.

I don't want to spoil your day,

but that's beginning
to bother me too.

Yeah, I noticed.

Supposed to be five
units following that truck.

Where the hell are they?

You know what I think?

What's that?

I think we've been set up.

I think those guys
shagged us all over town,

got us in here and
don't wanna let us out.

You know what I think? What?

I think you're secretly very
rich and you've been kidnapped.

Yeah.

Interesting, huh?

BAGLEY: Hutchinson!

Hutchinson!

Remember me?

Johnny Bagley.

Who the hell's Johnny Bagley?

It's coming back to
me like a bad dream.

Johnny Bagley was
a borderline psychotic.

Pushing, pimping and p*rn.

I put him away about
seven years ago.

I heard he was up for parole.

What's he so mad at you about?

Well, he was holed
up in a warehouse

with his kid brother, Ernie.

Johnny got it in the leg.

Ernie never made it out.

So he's blaming you for it.

What can I tell you?
The man's a psychotic.

Well, I'll tell you something.

I'm sure as hell glad
he's not mad at me.

I'm going to k*ll
you, Hutchinson!

[SHOUTING] Bagley!

Why don't you come on
in here and talk about it?

I'm in no hurry, Hutchinson.

I want you to think about it.

Well, maybe you
can keep us in here!

But we can keep you out there!

It's only a matter of time

before a sheriff's
unit gets here!

That's what you
think, Hutchinson.

Zebra Three, Zebra Three...

They got our radio.

They sure as hell did.

This is one hell of a mess

you've gotten us
into, Hutchinson.

You got two hours to
think about it, Hutchinson!

Then you die

the way Ernie d*ed.

Let me ask you a question.

Just how did Ernie die?

Fire.

You mean, he b*rned to
death in the warehouse?

Well, he was hit or something.

He couldn't get
out. I don't know.

I'm sorry I asked.

Come on!

What do you think of this:

You...

You blast away from
that door over there,

I take off, I run
around the barn,

and I set up a line of retreat.

Well, in the first place,

I'm gonna blow half
the rounds we got.

And in the second place,

they'd nail you
feet outside the door.

I didn't like it anyways.

Did you guys forget
about me or what?

How could we?

Wanna hear a good idea?

Sure you do.

There's a shovel over there.

I figure if we take turns,

we could dig a tunnel
into the woods and escape.

Come on, you guys. We
can do it. I know we can.

Because I'm ready
to go home right now.

Joey, it's not very realistic.

It worked on The Great Escape.

I watched it last week on TV.

Only this ain't TV.

And I ain't no Steve McQueen.

Yeah, you're more the
Charles Bronson type.

Well, actually, I kinda
saw myself as a...

Humphrey Bogart type.

[IMITATING BOGART] You
know what I mean, sweetheart?

Think we'll get
out of this alive?

Promise you we will, kid.

If we do,

wanna take me out to
a movie or something?

Yeah.

Take you to pizza afterwards.

You like anchovies?

Love them.

You know, I look older
with my hair different.

I look a lot younger
when I have a close shave.

I don't want to interrupt
this budding romance,

but we gotta deal
with some reality here.

We got a problem.

Bagley's planning a barbecue
and we're the main course.

Hey, if you guys don't call in,

they'll come looking
for you, right?

I don't think that's the way

it's gonna work
this time, kiddo.

If they did to that radio
what I think they did,

they won't even
be able to find us.

Don't worry.

I'll think of something.

BAGLEY: Hutchinson!

You got an hour!

Look, it's me he wants.

Maybe there's a way the
two of you can get out of here.

Can you be more specific?

I think you know what
the guy's got in mind.

And there's no need for
the three of us to go that way.

Well, considering what
he has in plan for you,

I don't exactly see him giving
me a bus ticket out of here.

If you know what I mean.

I'd rather stay in here
and play my hand with you.

Well, that's very loyal
of you, Starsky, old man.

It has nothing
to do with loyalty.

I'd just rather be in here
with an a*t*matic in my hand

than out there with
my hands in the air.

Besides, maybe we
can think of something.

It's not me I'm thinking of.

What do you think
the chances are

of them giving the kid a break?

Slim to none.

Terrific.

Joey...

I gotta talk to you.

Straight stuff.

Think you can handle it?

Yeah.

There's this...
crazy guy out there.

He wants to k*ll Hutch.

And in about an
hour, he's gonna...

burn down this barn.

That's sick.

Yeah.

Hey...

We got ourselves a
little exit over here.

Now, just beyond that is
a gully, then the woods.

If we put on a little show,

you could slip
through that opening

and make it to the woods.

You wanna give it a try?

Your sneakers would
really have to fly.

And what about you guys?

Oh, we're gonna
stick around here and...

start a little
diversionary action.

I think I should
stay here with you.

Well, look. You'd be
doing us a great favor.

I mean, you could
get out and go for help.

I'd do it myself,
except you run faster.

You mean you want me
to go for reinforcements?

Yeah.

But don't stop.

You gotta keep running.

Okay.

You wait till you
hear the first sh*t

and you get through here and
you run like hell for the woods.

I'll take the other side.

Okay.

Now, listen, little lady.

I kinda like my girls
to have clean records.

So you try and stay
out of trouble, huh?

I'll give it a sh*t.

Okay.

You're not gonna
forget me, are you?

Our date?

You kidding?

You're my main reason
for living, sweetheart.

Well, champ, the best
defense is a good offense.

You call this a good offense?

HUTCH: Did she make it?

She's in the woods.

What are we gonna do?

We can't make it to the car.

[g*nshots]

STARSKY: The woods!

I'll cover you.

Ready? Now!

I'm hit!

STARSKY: Ah, I'm hit!

I got one of them!

Does it hurt much?

Well, it's numb.

It's also bleeding.

Glad it's not serious.

Ah!

[EXHALES]

Oh!

Hold it.

Well, you know something?

What?

It's not numb anymore.

Is the pain bad?

Only when I wiggle my toes.

Well, at least the kid made it.

I'm gonna get you
out of here too, partner.

Yeah.

Lots of guys got out of
messes worse than this.

Right?

The Alamo...

Custer's Last Stand...

Why don't you tell me about a
battle where the good guys won?

Okay.

I had an Uncle Myron.

He was in the
Battle of the Bulge.

Oh, yeah?

Did you ever meet Uncle Myron?

No.

Why not?

He was k*lled.

In the Battle of
the Bulge, right?

Yeah.

Later on, go around
and get their car.

Drop it off on the
east side somewhere.

If they start looking for them,

I want them looking
in the wrong place.

You got it.

I gotta get you to a doctor.

That's a good idea.

See anything?

It's a hell of a time for a nap.

What?

[STARSKY COUGHS]

Why don't we try it again?

Huh?

I said why don't
we try it again?

What's that?

Well, I can't
really walk, but...

I could crawl out the door.

Do my Cagney impersonation.

You could make it to the woods.

The kid got away.

Maybe you could.

What's that?

Didn't hear a word
I said, did you?

What are you doing?

I'm just cleaning
up the man's tractor.

You sure this
thing's gonna work?

No question.

It's wired to a small
incendiary device.

That barn will go up
like a Roman candle.

[ENGINE TURNS OVER
BUT FAILS TO START]

Battery's dead.

Well, why don't
you try the crank?

What's that?

Crank.

All tractors have a crank.

Right!

STARSKY: Don't
forget the ignition.

You know, you're pretty
smart for a city boy.

My Uncle Alfonse had a Model T.

Well, if your Uncle Alfonse
was k*lled in some battle,

I don't wanna hear about it.

My Uncle Alfonse was k*lled

when his Model T backfired.

He was hit in the
head with a crank.

I'll probably get
run over by a tractor.

It's empty.

I wonder what else they got
around here for a little juice.

Kerosene!

Are you sure that's
gonna be enough?

Empty.

Hey!

What?

On the wall behind me.

[KEROSENE SLOSHING]

Bingo!

Hold on, buddy. Hold on!

I'm here. I ain't
going anywhere.

Are you sure kerosene
works in a tractor?

Man, . beer would work in
here if you primed the engine right.

Pardon me for asking, but...

do you have a plan?

I sure as hell am not gonna
carry you out on my back.

I get it.

It's like the Trojan
horse in reverse.

We're gonna go that way.

Hutchinson!

In one minute, you're
gonna start to roast.

I need some wire.

On the bale of hay.

Right!

Hey, uh...

in case this thing
doesn't work out...

Are you kidding me? This
is the best plan I ever had.

Well, my leg
being the way it is,

I don't know how far
I'm gonna be able to get.

Of course you will.

I'd like you to have this.

What's that?

My watch.

Oh, Starsk, I
couldn't take that.

I wouldn't know
how to operate it.

The instructions are in the
bottom drawer of my desk.

Hey, come on.

Take it.

Hey!

All right, but you get it back
as soon as we get out of here.

Naturally.

Right.

Are you sure you're gonna
be able to start this thing?

It's a piece of cake.

Get in the wagon!

Get in the wagon!

It's hot!

Go on, get in there!

Can you get that thing started?

I'm working on it!

[TRAYMAN LAUGHS]

Where are they?

In the wagon, you idiot!

Around to the side. Come on!

HUTCH: Keep your eye on
anyone coming out the back.

Right.

Check the other rooms.

[GROANS]

Did you get them, Bagley?

[SCREAMS]

Put your thumbs in your ears.

BAGLEY: Delano!

Delano!

Where are you?

Hutchinson!

You're gonna die!

Because even if you get me,
I'm gonna take you with me!

BAGLEY: Hutchinson!

Hutchinson!

[WATCH BUZZES LOUDLY]

Need any help?

How about the other guy?

Got him cuffed outside.

Well, that's two. Where's three?

He's in the john.

He's indisposed, huh?

Yeah.

Well, I'm glad to see
that my plan worked.

What do you mean, your plan?

Well, if that's the
way you feel about it,

give me back my watch.

All right.

Excuse me. I have
some business in the john.

Thanks, Riley.

Hey!

I thought you were gonna
take the rest of the week off.

Oh, a life of leisure
doesn't really agree with me.

Oh? Thanks for saving me some.

Mm-hm. How's the kid?

What kid?

Joey.

Oh!

I don't know.

I haven't seen her yet.

Oh, yeah?

Whatever happened
to your heavy date?

Ah, we were just kidding around.

Well, maybe you were,
maybe you weren't.

But you know what they say.

What's that?

Hell hath no fury like a
scrawny weed scorned.

Oh, she's probably
forgotten all about me by now.

Probably has.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Forget the lineup,
captain. That's him.

Hi, babycakes!

Don't "babycakes" me, you creep.

Throw the book at him!

Contributing to the
delinquency of a minor.

Starsky, you're busted.

Huh?

The charge is first
degree breach of promise.

[♪♪♪]