03x19 - On the Job: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

( theme song playing )

You couldn't just drive

and be happy you had jobs.

The Sunshine Cab
Company is broke.

We'll have to find
ourselves other jobs.

We'll meet in a month
and we'll tell about

the great jobs we all got.

Yeah!

Here.

Congratulations.

Hello, my name
is Elaine Nardo.

Come on, Latka, there's
a lot of tables to be cleaned.

( Louie chortling )

Oh, I forgot.

Tonight's the night
the losers get together

to share their
success stories.

It's going to be
a short evening.

You have made
lots of money, Louie?

Oh, I get by.

No one ask him.

Ah, well, I can't
stick around.

I got to get
back to work.

I just stopped by to
have a beer and gloat.

( chortles )

Hey, Louie, you
forgot to sign

your unemployment
check.

( Bobby snorts )

( all snickering )

TONY:
Go, Louie.

All right,
before you laugh at me

you better listen to my story.

Thank
you.

All right...

I said I could succeed
in any field and I proved it.

I went down to Wall Street
and I became a stockbroker.

BOTH:
Get serious.

You've got to be kidding?

You, a stockbroker, Lou?

BOBBY:
Give us a
break, Louie.

Hey, I'm not saying
it was easy to break in.

These reports look fine.

File them with
the Clifton portfolio

and bring me the Wesley-
Cosgrove prospectus.

Yes, sir.

You the top
dog here?

I didn't know Guys
and Dolls was in town.

Excuse me.

You can't barge
in here like this.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you the cheese or not?

I'm the head of this firm,
if that's what you mean.

Snap this picture.

Future generations
are going to want

an exact record
of the moment

that you hired your
greatest salesman.

Say "cheese," Cheese.

There you go.

Miss Lang, what are you doing?
Call security.

Yes, sir.

Good, good,
call security.

If I can't convince
you to hire me

by the time they get
here, I'll leave.

You know what the problem
with this company is, Mr. Gray?

You don't know how to get dirty.

What this organization needs
is a man who can get dirty--

someone who'll go out there

and scrape up any business
he can, any way he can,

from anybody who's got
a couple of bucks.

You don't need
fancy clothes

and a nice education
to make money.

What you need is volume.

You need hustle!

You need to get dirty!

I was born
dirty, Mr. Gray,

and every day
I get dirtier...

and dirtier!

( rapping on door )

Trouble,
Mr. Gray?

Go on.

And dirtier!

Hello, De Palma here.

You want a quote?

Hang on a second.

Let me have that.

All right, 33 1/8.

All right, all right.

Hello there, De Palma here.

Oh, Tom, baby, how are you?

All right.

Yeah, listen, Tom,
I'm very upset to find out

that you've got your entire
account sewed up in one stock,

but if you want to bounce up
and down the boards with AT&T,

that's your business.

I'm telling you, Tom,
they're a fly-by-night outfit.

Hold on a second, something
just flashed on the big board.

Hello there,
sweetheart.

I don't believe
I've had the pleasure.

We've met.

That's not the pleasure
I was talking about.

Tom, listen to the words

that are going to send you
to an early retirement:

Genetic research.

You know, cloning
and stuff like that.

Listen, today they're
doing it with rats.

Tomorrow, they'll be cranking
out Cheryl Tiegs by the dozens.

Ah, I know what
you're going to say.

I know, you got a
philosophical problem

because there's
a possibility

that something maybe
could go wrong.

I mean, some
mutant virus

could wipe out half the world.

If you're in the half
that's still around

do you want to be rich or not?

All right, all right.
I'm going no further on this.

I'll put you down
for 5,000 shares.

If you change your mind,
you get back to me, okay?

5,000 shares!

( chortling )

Yes, guys, that's the way
he does it.

All right.

Let's see...

Whoop!

Hello, Mrs. Greer?

Uh, this is
Louie De Palma.

Have you decided
what to do

with your husband's
life insurance
settlement yet?

Well, I noticed
in the obits this morning

that he d*ed last night.

Oh, oh, oh, well, well,
um, I'll call back in a...

you know, after the services.

All right, in the meantime,
think chemicals and electronics.

All right.

Okay, let's see...

Hello, Myron Schwartz?

This is your cousin,
Louis Ginzberg.

No, I was at your wedding.

We met behind the chopped liver.

Uh, listen, listen--

I think our family
should stick together.

I got some
hot stock here

and I saved some for you.

I'll send you the prospectus.

Don't mention it.

Shalom.

Uh... ( clears throat )

Uh, I'll be
right with you.

( humming )

Uh, Mr. Tobias?

Uh, this is Louie De Palma.

Oh, well, have you ever thought

of investing
in the stock market?

Oh, well, is your mommy home?

No?

Well, do you know

where your mommy
keeps her checkbook?

Uh, all right,
look, David, David,

I'll have to
get back to you.

Okay.

All right, bye-bye.

Uh, Mr. De Palma,

I have to speak to you
about something.

I'm very busy here,
so make it quick.

Certainly-- you're fired.

I rushed you a little bit,
didn't I?

I'm sorry, I...
I made a mistake.

You simply don't fit
into our organization.

I'm... I'm... I'm making
more money than anybody here!

We realize you're doing
high-volume business.

That's not the problem.

It's your... demeanor.

Your taste in
clothing is loud.

Your taste in everything
is loud.

You're loud!

Secretaries have
been complaining.

You eat too much

in the corporate
dining room.

You make noises when you eat.

Everybody makes noises
when they eat.

Everybody makes eating noises
when they eat.

Yours are not
eating noises.

Yours are not...

human noises.

What are we talking about here?

I mean ethics or something?

Oh, no, I certainly
have no complaints

about your ethics.

You have no ethics.

The problem is...

we can't stand you.

Everyone's complaining.

It's nothing personal,
you're just...

disgusting!

What you call disgusting,
I call selling!

I'm better at this business
than any of you.

I just don't look the part.

I don't behave like
the rest of you.

I didn't go to the right
college, or any college,

but let me tell you something,
Mr. Gray.

I'm going to leave here
feeling good about myself

because I know that I succeeded.

You have to stay here

knowing that some guy
off the street can outdo you.

Hmm!

I'm sorry.

Uh, Mr. De Palma,
I like to think

that even the most fleeting
and shallow relationships

in this life somehow enrich us.

I think if you take a good look
at this situation

you'll find
you've profited by it.

I couldn't agree more.

So long, loser.

TOMMY:
Louie, phone
for you.

That's probably
Wall Street

begging me to come back.

ALEX:
Go. Go.

So, Bobby, I guess
it's your turn.

What job did you get?

Um, I got something
in the entertainment field.

All right, Bob!

ALEX:
That's
interesting, Bob.

Well, sort of.

What do you mean sort of?

Well, I had a real hard time
finding anything,

so I took a job
in a department store

doing parties.

People would
have parties

for their children

and they'd hire me
to come to the party

and I'd play a part.

Oh, yeah?
What kind of part?

Um... well,
nothing crazy.

Something pretty
traditional, actually.

( doorbell rings )

BOBBY:
Is this the
Beck residence?

Yes, it is.

Well, I'm here for
your party.

Oh, good-- come in, please.

That's...

that's a nice outfit.

( giggles: )
Thanks a lot,

but you got to understand,

this is not what I do
for a living.

You just do it for fun?

No... not for fun.

I'll get
the kids.

Hey, listen, um...

excuse me, aren't you Cynthia
Beck, the film director?

That's right, I am.

My name's Bobby Wheeler and...
and I just love your work.

Well, I've always admired
your jelly beans.

Hey, listen, actually,
I'm really an actor

and I haven't
done very much,

but I'm really,
really good.

And I'd love to read
for you sometime,

but you're really
hard to get in to see.

Uh, the kids are
kind of restless.

I'll send them
right in.

Okay.

Kids, come on,
the Easter bunny

wants
to see you.

( all cheer )

( high voice: )
Hi, kids.

Yeah! I'm the Easter bunny

and I've come all the way
from the enchanted lettuce patch

just to spend
Easter with you.

Now, you want to sing a song?

Hmm?
KIDS:
Okay.

Okay, now you join in.

I think you'll know
this one, okay? All right.
Okay.

BOBBY ( kids join in ):
* Here comes Peter Cottontail

* Hoppin' down the bunny trail

* Hippity-hoppity, Easter...

Oh! And now, kids, in keeping
with the Easter season

the Easter bunny has
a special surprise for you.

He's going
to perform a scene

from the Broadway play
Whose Life Is It Anyway?

That's right, kids.

The Easter bunny
is also a serious artist, too.

Now, you have to pretend

that the Easter bunny's
paralyzed from the neck down.

And he's
talking

to his
doctor, okay?

You got that, right?

Good.

( dramatically ):
Can't you see that
is why I've decided

that life is not
worth living?

I'm not human!

And I'm even more
convinced of that

by your visit than I was before.

Now, how does that grab you?

The very
exercise

of your so-called
"professionalism"

makes me want to die.

She was so impressed
by my performance

that she offered
me a part.

Really?
Yeah.

What part?

The clown at her
daughter's birthday party.

All right, Bob!

Well, um... that leaves, uh...

the guy in the yellow sweater.

( everyone laughs )

TONY:
Yeah, Alex, tell us.

What'd you do?

What'd you do?
What'd you do?
Come on.

Well, I, uh...
I took a job

as a night watchman
in an office building.

A night watchman?

ALEX:
I thought I would,
you know,

have a lot of
time to myself--

you know, catch up
on a lot of reading

I always wanted
to get done.

Well, the first
couple of weeks

it was kind of boring.

But after that

I started to go
a little nuts.

12,389...

12,390...

12,391.

12,391 hairs on my head.

Oh, what the hell,
let's make it an even number.

12,390.

Oh, what else is left
on the agenda?

And I had dinner...

Oh, next is my rounds, make
sure the building is secure.

My rounds, my rounds.

Corridor A, Corridor B,
Corridor C, Corridor D.

Wow.

Work, work, work, work, work.

Keep in shape.

( makes karate chop noises )

( grunting )

( barks )

This is how I look when I talk.

This is how I look

when I say, "This is how I look
when I talk."

This is how I look when I smile.

This is how I look
with my flashlight in my mouth.

This is how I look when I'm
the star of my own TV show:

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen!

Welcome to The Alex Rieger Show,
starring Alex Rieger.

Now let's get
to our first guest.

Our first guest this evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

is the greatest juggler
in the world.

And let's see if I get his name
straight here:

Alex Rieger!

( grunts )

I am now going
to attempt juggling...

backwards.

With one leg.

Now, for my greatest trick,
ladies and gentlemen,

I must have complete silence.

I am going to juggle
and eat at the same time.

This is station Y.A.W.N.
signing off

after an evening of telecasting.

( humming
"The Star-Spangled Banner" )

( imitating airplane )

( keeps humming )

( mimics airplane swooping )

( yawns )

Oh...

Hi, Henry.

You okay?

Oh, sure, sure,
I'm fine, Henry.

Well, I'll just be
going along now.

Yeah, just take it easy, Rieger.

It's just the first
couple of weeks

on this job that
are kind of tough, you know?

But once you've been at
it 20 years like I have,

boy, you're going
to learn to handle it.

Thanks for
the tip, Henry.

Take it easy.

Yeah, good night.

( Alex humming )

Gee.

Boy... gee.

It's time now...

for The Harry and Muffy Show!

Yeah!

Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Well, who are
our guests tonight, Muffy?

( giggling )

( gasps )

( high voice: )
Harry...

you are a sick man.

Listen up, dregs of society.

The Sunshine Cab Company

was just purchased
by a new owner.

All right?

We're back in business,
boys and girls.

If you want your jobs back,
you better follow me.

( sniffs )

So okay, so cab driving
is a stinky, lousy job

that, uh...
has no comforts

and no dignity
and no future,

but on the other hand...

would anyone
like to help me

with the other hand?

On the other hand

we stink at
everything else?

Come on!

All right!

I guess...

Let's go, Latka.

TONY:
Hey, Tom, on my tab.

TOM:
You got it, Tone.

( Tony hoots )

Take this job and shove it.

You know something?
I can't believe it,

but it's actually
good to be back.

Yeah, I have
to admit it.

It is.

Who ever thought we'd
miss this crummy place?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Oh, my God.

It actually
feels like home.

Yeah, it sure does.

Well, let's get to work.

Yeah.

Hey...

what is it we do?

We're cab drivers, Jim.

Ah, come on.

No, really.

Wow!

Ignatowski...

111.

Banta...

412.

Wheeler, 603.

BOBBY:
Old 603.

LOUIE:
Nardo...

218.

Rieger...

134.

( theme music playing )

WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.

( grunts )