08x10 - I Like You, Butt...

[bunniefuu]

- No Michael, if it's a boy, I
refuse to name him Bradley.

- Why, Cuppy?

- My first boyfriend's
name was Bradley

and I still haven't forgiven
him for breaking our date.

Just because of that
stupid appendectomy.

What's come over you?

You used to remember
every detail of my life.

- I know, there was a time I had
every muffin moment memorized.

Bad brain, bad, bad!

- Uh, this book is useless.

There are no names in here.

- Fifty Thousand
Names for Your Baby.

- Come on, there are a
lot of nice names out there.

If it's a girl, I've always
liked the name Beverly.

- We can't name her Beverly.

The book says
that's a Gaelic term

meaning "from the
beaver meadow."

- How about a nice solid
name like, um... Avery?

- Avery?

- What does it mean?

- "Ruler of the elves."

- That's fine, d*ck,

if I give birth to a leprechaun.

- Every father's nightmare.

- Why do we talk
to d*ck and Joanna?

- Because you don't
have any friends.

- She's got a point there.
- It's true.

- I've always been partial
to the name Chrissy.

- Oh, right, like I'm
going to name my child

after the dumb one
on Three's Company.

- Hey d*ck, Joanna,
guess what I found?

- A woman's wallet?

- Gee, you sure know how
to blow a guessing game.

- Whose, uh, whose
wallet is it, George?

- Beats me.

- Have you given any
thought to opening it?

- That would be
a federal offense.

- George, I-I think
you're confusing

opening a person's wallet
with opening a person's mail.

- Oh.

What if there's
a letter in here?

- Then it's jail.
- Oh, God.

- I'm sure it would be
okay if you took a peek.

- Katherine Sutter.

Gee, she's pretty.

A nice picture for
a driver's license.

It's not scary like yours, d*ck.

- I had the flu
that day, George.

- Looks like Katherine
had breakfast this morning

at the Summit Ski Lodge.

- That's probably
where she's staying.

- She had bacon and eggs.

I had bacon and eggs!

Spooky coincidence, huh?

- A chill just went up my spine.

- A fishing license! Do
you know what this means?

- She fishes?

- I have a fishing license too.

- Oh my God, this is too freaky.

- Be still, my heart.
A Sears credit card.

She's perfect.

This is fate.

d*ck, do you believe God
meant for me to find this wallet?

- No, George.

- What about you, Joanna?

- Well, God does work
in mysterious ways.

After all, he did create
Larry, Darryl and Darryl.

George, when you call
her up about the wallet,

feel out the situation.

Maybe this could turn
out to be something.

- Gee, I hope so.

I mean, Katherine and I
have so much in common.

- This... this is ridiculous.

I mean, what if she's married?

Wh-What if she has
a-a fiancé in tow?

- What if she's a-an axe m*rder*r?
- Oh!

- Boy, those are good questions.

- Joanna: Hebrew for
"God's gracious gift."

What a wonderful book.

- So what should I ask first?

- Something like, "Is... is
Katherine Sutter there?"

- Damn, you're good.

Thanks for being here.

- Don't mention it,
George, to... to anyone.

- Is Katherine Sutter there?

They're ringing her room.

- God, I can hardly breathe.

- Is this Katherine Sutter?

Hi, this is George Utley.

I think I found your wallet.

Yeah, I was pretty
excited about it too.

Can I ask you a few
personal questions

to make sure it's yours?

She said yes.

What do I ask?

- Ask her her address.

Most people know, you
know, where they live.

- Yeah.

Could you please
give me your address?

She knows where she lives.

What do I ask next?

- Ask if she knows when
her fishing license expires.

- Do you have any... What
kind of a question is that?

You lost your fastball, d*ck.

I'll take it from here.

Did your husband know
your wallet was missing?

See, that's a very
clever way of finding...

- I know, George.

- You're single?

Hot diggity.

Hot diggity.

Did your fiancé in tow know
your wallet was missing?

There's no fiancé in tow.

Do you own an axe?

She thinks these are
really dumb questions.

- She's right.

- Katherine, I
have a confession.

All these dumb questions,

well, they were
my friend d*ck's.

You'll meet him when
you pick up your wallet

at the Stratford Inn.

Great.

Bye.

I can't believe it!
She's coming over!

- She wants her wallet.

- Heather.

No.

- Mendell.

Oh, no.

- What are you doing?
- Isn't it obvious, JoJo?

We've hired Merritt White,

the much-touted baby
naming consultant.

He's here to analyze our auras

and help us select the perfect
name for our bundle-o-baby.

- There's been a
resurgence of a name

I find enormously appealing.

It has a certain
je ne sais quoi.

- Do tell. Do tell.

- Klara.

- Klara?

That's an old lady's name.

- This Klara begins with a "K."

- Eww.

- That's a negative,
oh namer of names.

- I've already supplied you
with three superb names

and you rejected them all.

I suppose I must resort
to tactile communication.

- If... if you must,
you... you must.

- Avery.

- Avery.

- Hmm.

- You hated Avery.
They hated Avery.

- And we still do.

I'm sorry, but that
name would only work

if I were giving
birth to an elf child.

- And she's not.

- Darn.

Betty.

- Excuse me, oh
master of monikers,

but that's the name of
Barney Rubble's wife.

- I did not say Betty.

I said Beddy, B-E-D-D-Y.

- As in beddy-bye?

- I can't continue.

There is too much
negative energy in this room.

- Oh, Mr. White,
please don't go.

We'll send d*ck out of town.

- The damage is done.

You'll get my bill in the mail.

- Thanks a lot, d*ck.

My wife's out-to-here pregnant

and you've insulted the best
name man in the business.

- Michael, I'm frightened.

Our child won't have a name.

We can't call the
poor thing Baby It.

- It Harris. I
could live with It!

- She's here.

I just saw the cab pull up.

Do I look okay?

- Oh, very dapper, George.

- Do you think I should
have worn my overalls?

Denim does drive the
ladies to distraction.

- You must be George.

Thank you.

Would you excuse me?

I just need to pay the driver.

- I guess that's Katherine.

- I am so glad you found this.

You know, I thought it was in
my back pocket the whole time.

You'd think I would
have felt it missing.

- So... are you enjoying
your stay in Vermont?

- Oh, it's great,
especially the fishing.

I hate to brag, but I did
reel in the catch of the day.

You wouldn't believe
the size of my bass.

- Pretty, uh, pretty big, huh?

- George, if you're not busy,

maybe you'd like to
have dinner with me.

My treat.
- Oh, uh, wh...

- I guess that's a yes.

Well, it was very nice
meeting both of you.

- It was nice meeting both...

It was nice meeting you too.

- Have a nice time.

- Thank you.

- Sweet... sweet, sweet girl.

- Yeah.

- Did you notice the size...

- No.
- Neither did I.

- Morning, d*ck.

- Morning. Morning, George.

How... how... how'd
it go with Katherine?

- I had a good time.

Did you, uh... did you like her?

- Yeah, she seemed
like a nice girl.

- Did you think she was pretty?

- Beautiful!
Beautiful, uh, face.

- Oh yeah, and beautiful eyes.

- Love-lovely skin.

- What a smile.

- Perfect... perfect teeth.

- I like her hair.

- Beautiful hair.
Beautiful hair.

Pretty, uh, pretty,
uh, highlights.

- And a very slim waist.
- Beau...

Beau... uh, beautiful waist.

- Did you like her shoes?

- I think, uh, they... they
might have been Italian.

- Really?

- That was the biggest
rear end I've ever seen.

- Wasn't it?

I thought it was just me.

Do you think Joanna noticed

or is that something
only we guys pick up on?

- This, uh, this sort of thing
knows no gender, George.

- Oh. How could someone
be so completely perfect

in every way and
have such a big bum?

- So where, uh, where'd
you go for dinner?

- The Drum and Musket family
restaurant out on Route 14.

- Yeah, they... they have pretty
big booths there, don't they?

- That's why I suggested it.

But I forgot that the
seats were Naugahyde.

When she scooted in, it
was like The Call of the Wild.

- We, uh, we should...
we shouldn't be laughing.

- I know.

Then she wanted
to go to the movies.

There were only two seats
left in the middle of the row.

- Oh, that's fine for her,
but where did you sit?

Oh, we're awful.

- Seats were fine
once she got settled.

It was getting her out
that was a little tricky.

We shouldn't be laughing.

- Oh, we're the worst.

- Just awful.

d*ck, I really have
a problem here.

- You've got a big problem.

- No, I'm serious.

There's a dance coming
up at the Beaver Lodge

and if I brought Katherine,
would the guys laugh?

- Of course not, George,

as long as you didn't
dance cheek to cheek.

- A lot of help you are.

- Oh George, bottoms up.

Joanna, have you seen George?

I want to apologize
for some jokes I made

about Katherine's big... figure.

- He's in his room
changing for his date.

Katherine will be
here any minute.

- Better warn the chairs.

- You know, I'm surprised
you're acting like this

considering your
own imperfections.

- Like... like what?

- Your laugh.

- What... what's
wrong with my laugh?

- It's grating.

- My laugh is not grating.

If anything, it's...
it's infectious.

- Yeah, right.

- Boy, sometimes, Joanna,
you... you... you can be so cruel.

- Hi ho, amigo and amigette.

- We came by to let you
bask in our happiness.

We're thoughtful that way.

- You two sure
are in a good mood.

- Babe name prob solved.

- We went up to that big
rock on Johnnycake Point

and looked within ourselves,
you know, really, really deep.

- Well, we realized
on our internal safari

that we can't just
swing through the trees

randomly plucking a name
as you would a banana.

- Not unless you
name the baby Chiquita.

- Our baby will be named
after one of the two people

we love and respect most,

the ones who had
more impact on our lives

than anyone else in
the whole wide world.

- Stephanie, if it's a girl.

- And Michael, if it's a boy.

- Did you really think they
were going to name the baby

after one of us?

- D-Did you really want them to?

Eww.

- Where are you
and Katherine going?

- Well, she wanted to
go someplace exotic,

so I'm taking her to
the Pachinquo Arcade

over at Johnnycake Corner.

- So you're... you're going
to keep seeing Katherine?

- Yeah.

I spent the whole day
mulling it over and heck,

she may have a big bottom,

but I've got an
even bigger heart.

- She's lucky to... to have a guy
as sensitive as you are, George.

- Thanks, d*ck.

- Oh, please.

Katherine's big bottom
couldn't possibly be as big

as your male egos. Ah!

- You know, I-I don't know
what's come over Joanna.

She's... she's
developed a mean streak.

- Hi, Katherine.

Why don't we sit and
chat a little before we go?

- Okay.

- You know, I've
thought about it,

and I just wanted to say

that I've decided to
continue seeing you.

- George, I'm glad
that you brought this up.

You are a very sweet man,
but I've got to be honest,

I'm just not physically
attracted to you.

- Hold the bus.

What do you mean, you're
not physically attracted to me?

- I'm sorry, but that's
just the way I feel.

- What's wrong with me?

- Nothing, really.

I mean, I'm sure there
must be some women

who would like the way you walk.

- What's wrong
with the way I walk?

- You... walk like a goon.

- A goon!

A goon?

- See, now I've
made you feel bad.

Oh! I'm not even going to
mention the other things.

Maybe I just better leave.

- I'd walk you to the door,

but I wouldn't want to offend
you with my goony walk.

- I'm sure there must
be some things about me

that don't appeal to you.

- Nothing comes to mind.

- Well, thanks again
for returning my wallet.

- You're welcome.

By the way, your fishing
license expires next month.

You better renew it.

- I will.

Bye, George.

- Bye, Katherine.

- George, where's...
where's Katherine?

- She dumped me.

- Gee, I'm sorry, George.

- She said I had a goony walk.

- Goony?

Your walk is not goony.

In fact, if anything, it's
a... It's a very manly walk.

- Really?

- One of the manliest.

- You're right.

It's about the furthest
thing from goony.

- What do women know?

Joanna thinks my
laugh is grating.

- Grating? Why,
it's... it's infectious.

- That's what I thought!

- I'd love to have a
laugh like yours someday.

- Women can be... They
can be so superficial.

- Oh, tell me about it.

I'm living it.

Let's say we grab a brew
down at the Drum and Musket,

just us guys?

- You're on, George.

You... you want me to drive?

- Or let's walk.

- Right, then I can
watch your manly walk.

George, that's a...
that's a wonderful walk.

How... how... how do you do it?

- Well, it's all in the
neck, d*ck. It's just...

See?

- I can't do it.

- There's that infectious laugh.

- Meow!