05x12 - Saturday in New York with George

[bunniefuu]

Somebody's in a good mood.

It's easy when you get
mail like this.

Embossed. I'm impressed.

It's no bulk rate.

You're holding an invitation for
two to a gala party in New York

being thrown by my publisher

for a few of his best-selling
authors, one of whom is moi .

Wow, a party in your honor. I
know the way you feel.

I remember the magic night I was
named Beaver of the Year.

This-- this is a little
different, George.

I know.

You have to share the spotlight.
I had it all to myself.

Uh, Ben is flying us
first-class,

and we're staying at the
Manchester Park Hotel.

d*ck, The Manchester Park!

Joanna, you're making a big deal
out of a big deal.

[ Laughs ]

And-- and this party may be
finally the chance to--

to corner Ben and pitch my
idea for my novel.

Well, I can't wait.

A weekend in my favorite city
with a cute, cocky novelist?

When do we leave?

Uh, next week.

d*ck, we can't go next weekend.

That's when Alice and Barney are
coming here from New York.

Honey, a gold
invitation overrules a--

a know-it-all salesman and
his chatty wife.

Hon, can we just
call 'em at home

and-- and tell 'em
to stay there.

It's too late. They're on a
tour of New England.

All I know is that they're gonna
be here next weekend.

Well, hon-- honey, couldn't we
leave 'em a note, an apology,

a-- a couple of bucks
or something?

O-- okay, I won't go to
New York either.

Oh, d*ck, you're one of the
guests of honor.

You have to go.

Joanna, I don't want any
arguments. I'll-- I'll go.

And all I have to figure
out is what to do

with that extra plane ticket.

Coffee?

Stephanie, you are not
going to New York.

You have used up your vacation
days for the next decade.

It's just that the thought of
you flying all alone

makes me feel lonely and sad.

No.

Then, I hope you
have turbulence.

You know, I've never been to New
York in the winter.

Or the spring. Or summer.
Or fall.

Oh, George, you'd love it.

Central Park, the skyscrapers,
the nightlife.

Gosh, that does sound exciting.
But I'd never go there

unless I was with somebody who
knew their way around.

George, I'd love to have you
come with me, but all--

all I'm gonna do is go to a dull
book party with a lot of-- of--

a lot of boring
publishing people.

Uh, believe me, you'll have more
fun just staying here.

If you say so, d*ck.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll go outside

and whoop it up hauling wood.

d*ck, why don't you
wanna take George

to New York with you?

Honey, I'd love to take
him to New York,

but I'm going to a very fancy,
sophisticated party.

Uh, George just wouldn't fit in.

I'm-- I'm-- I'm protecting him.

I understand. You're a snob.

I am not a snob. I know George.

And, believe me, he'll be much
happier staying home.

[ Sighs ]

What do you say, George? You,
me, New York?

Wow!

Oh, my God!

Stephanie, are you all right?

No, I snagged my sweater!

Oh.

Well, don't just stand there.
Call someone.

Well, it's not exactly a
emergency.

Well, you could at least call
and let them tell you that.

Stephanie, I'm sorry you've
had to work so hard,

but I just want the
inn to look nice

for Alice and Barney's
arrival today.

Joanna, what have we gained if
the inn looks lovely,

but your maid looks like she
just took a trip

through fashion hell?

Well, Joanna, do I look like my
ticket? First-class?

You look big city to me, George.

I know. I've just been
reading up on New York.

I don't know what to do first:

ice skate in Rockefeller Center,

go to the top of the Empire
State Building,

or dig the scene down in
Greenwich Village.

Oh, I know the greatest Chinese
restaurant down in the village.

¶ New York, New York's a
wonderful town ¶

¶ The Bronx is up and
the Battery... ¶

...in my watch needs replacing.

Good cover, honey, but I'm okay,
believe me.

Well, I'll call when we
get to the hotel.

Let's go, George.

My first plane ride.

Gee, I just hope there's the
same number of people

on each side so the plane
will fly level...

N-- No, George, you see--

I-- I hope so, too, George.

The flight was fine, Joanna,

except George wouldn't let me
go to the bathroom

because he was afraid I'd
unbalance the plane.

He-- He's out-- He's out taking
in the neighborhood.

Yeah, and I'm making a-- a few
notes for-- for my novel pitch.

No, I'm-- I'm not worried about
George at the party.

I came up with a great idea.
He-- he's not going.

Yeah, I bought him
a ticket to Cats .

I am not a snob.

Joanna, I went to a lot of
trouble for George.

And Cats is sold out.

I-- I had to buy the ticket
from some sleazy guy

on-- on the street.

Joanna, come on, you can't tell
me you-- you miss sleazy people.

Look, George is-- is gonna have
a great time at the play.

Joanna, stop using that word.

Yes, the-- the buildings
are still tall.

But-- but they're not gleamy,
they're-- they're grimy.

Oh, George-- uh, George just
walked in. I'll put him on.

It's-- It's Joanna.

Oh. [ Clears throat ]

Hi, Joanna. Boy, is this
a great place.

You should see the
buildings gleaming.

Gee, d*ck, she's crying.

I'll, uh-- I'll-- I'll see
you tomorrow, honey.

Yep. Uh, blow your nose. Bye.

Boy, d*ck, this is a great city.

All the cars, the people, it
sure is a toddlin' town.

George, I-- I-- I think
that's Chicago.

Gee, it sure seemed toddlin'.

Hey, wait 'til you see all the
great souvenirs I bought.

Oh, an-- an Empire State
Building thermometer.

I-- I'll bet this
baby's accurate.

Yeah.

And-- and-- and I bought about a
zillion postcards to send.

George, you're in the most
exciting city in the world.

You aren't gonna have time to
sit down filling out postcards.

Gee, I don't know, d*ck.

My friends might get kinda mad
if I send 'em out blank.

Oh, and here's the best of all.
Tadaa.

"Utley Elected Gotham Mayor."

I could take it to the party,

leave it lying around and just
watch the laughter build.

Oh, um, George, uh,
about the party.

I-- Well, I got some great news.

You-- you d-- you
don't have to go.

I-- I, uh-- I got you a
ticket to the, uh,

sold-out Broadway hit Cats .

Cats ! Fifty dollars?

d*ck, I can't let you spend
dollars on me.

No, no, it's-- it's all right,
George.

It didn't cost me anything.
It's a--

It's-- it's-- it's a
complimentary ticket from--

from my publishing house.

Gee, thanks.

Boy, did I pick a great city to
be mayor of or what?

But you will be at that dull
party all alone.

I feel kinda guilty.

George, this is New York.

You know, one of us should be
having a fun evening.

What a pal.

George, what are you doing?
That-- that cost me--

N-- uh, nothing.

I can't let you go to that
awful party alone.

You brought me to New York.

Don't worry, d*ck.

I'm not going to leave your
side all night.

Great.

Poor Joanna.

You've been waiting all day
for Alice and Barney,

and they're still not here.

Poor, poor, stood-up Joanna.

Stephanie, Alice and Barney
are good friends.

They said they'd be here
sometime today and they will be.

Of course they will.

Joanna, you can sit here
pitifully hopeful all night long

or you could go out with
Michael and me tonight.

Stephanie, that's
awfully nice of you.

I think I could explain it to
Michael in such a way

that he wouldn't throw
much of a tantrum.

Thanks, but I think I'd better
stick around here,

pitifully hopeful.

Are you sure you won't
change your mind?

I'm sure.

Thank you.

You know, these little hot
dogs are even better

than the ones at Beanie
Carol's barn warming.

You know, George, I-- I
wouldn't blame you

if you left right now

and tried to scotch-tape
together that--

that Cats ticket.

I know-- I know I'm having
a miserable time.

Mr. Loudon, your books
are the best.

Keep up the good work.

It's all I can do to keep from
runnin' right outta here.

May I have your attention,
please?

I'd like to welcome you

to the th anniversary
celebration of Kirkwood Press.

And we hope there are many
more chapters to come.

Do you get it, d*ck?

He's in the book business and
he said "chapter".

[ Laughs ]

And now I'd like to introduce

some of the brightest lights in
our literary family.

First: our diet author, Dr.
Harriet Weston.

[ Applause ]

--our how-to maven,
d*ck Loudon...

[ Applause ]

[ Whistles ]

--and our favorite poet, Lalow.

[ Applause ]

Lalow will grace us this evening

with a reading from his
latest collection.

Running on the beach I
notice something odd

The time comes in, the
tide goes out

It never stays

Just like my friends

God, I'm lonely.

Thank you.

I'd be embarrassed to come if
I was his handyman.

So nice of you to come.

Oh, Ben, good to see you again.

This is, uh-- this is
a great party.

Yeah, it's really neat.

People aren't shoving each other
to get at the eats.

Is this a friend of yours, d*ck?

Yes, yes. Uh, Ben Williams,
this is George Utley.

Nice to meet you, George.

[ With mouth full ] Uh--huh.
How do you do?

Could I have our three authors
over here, please?

I'd like to take some publicity
stills. Mr. Loudon?

Oh, go ahead, d*ck. I'll take
care of your friend.

So, Ben, where are you
putting your pits?

Mr. Lalow, smile, please.

This is as happy as I get.

I thought I'd never be able to
pull myself out of that

sooty chimney,

but then when the Hawkins
kid built that fire,

it gave me the extra oomph
to get myself free.

Anything like that ever
happen to you, Ben?

Excuse me, George.

Uh, d*ck, uh,

you didn't say that, uh,
George is your handyman.

Yes. Yes, yes, he is.

George was just telling me
about life in Vermont.

Great.

Guess what, d*ck?

Ben's family has a summer home
near where my grandmother lived.

I remember she loved to paint.

She'd have us pick blueberries,

then she'd crush them to make
her water colors.

Nothing caught the summer sky

like my grandmother's
blueberry paint.

Homegrown art.

Did you keep any of the
paintings, George?

No. We ate every one.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

So, uh, d*ck, George is
quite a fellow.

Yes, an interesting combination:
handyman, wit.

Oh, you-- you noticed.

Thank you so much for
bringing him.

Uh, Ben, can I talk to
you for a minute?

Yes, sure.

Yeah, uh, there's something I--
I think you're gonna be

pretty excited about.

I, uh-- I have an
idea for a book.

A novel.

You're pitching a novel?

Yeah, I thought now would be
the-- the perfect time,

you know, to run it by you.

d*ck, I'm very surprised.

I mean,

a lot of yokels think this is
where it all happens, but, um,

a literary party is
the worst place

to try and pitch an idea for a
novel. [ Laughs ]

Excuse me, I-- I'm missing some
of George's stories.

So they asked me, "Where does
this road go?" and I said,

"The road hasn't moved since
I've been here."

[ Laughter ]

Oh, it's about time.

Coming.

Hi. You're not Alice and Barney.

No, ma'am. I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl, and
this is my other brother Darryl.

You guys never knock.

It's a funny thing,
come o'clock,

no matter how politely we enter,

we get a better reception
when we knock.

What can I quickly do
for you fellas?

Well, we heard about
you being upset

about your fair-weather
friends not showin' up,

so we thought we'd come by

and coax them pearly whites
out into the open.

To start, let's play a friendly
game of Feel and Tell.

I think I'll pass on that one,
Larry.

It's just as well.

One touch o' them scales, and
you woulda guessed.

I know: starin' game.

We won that one.

Fellas, [ Chuckles ] I
appreciate what you're doing,

but I'm just not in the mood
to compete tonight.

That's okay.

As a backup, we've prepared a
little playlet for you.

So just park it over
here on the couch.

And enjoy our version
of On The Town,

featurin' Darryl as Gene Kelly

and Darryl as Frank Sinatra and
yours truly as Jules Munshin.

So let's follow the adventures

of those three
happy-go-lucky sailors

with -hour shore leave to see
New York and get girls.

[ Hums a speedy tune ]

Taxi!

Well, here we are in the heart
of New York City.

Look at all them gleamin'
buildings.

I knew you'd like this picture
of The Chrysler Building.

Wish you or anyone were here.

Oh, hi, d*ck. Thought maybe
you'd be asleep.

Who can sleep with all
that damn gleam?

I'm sorry you got a headache and
couldn't come with us.

Ben really showed me the town.

Yeah, it was really hard to turn
down his offer to--

to tag along.

No, he meant it, d*ck.

There was plenty of room
in the limousine.

If you, uh-- if you don't mind,
George,

I think I'll go to sleep.

Okay, d*ck.

I'll tell you all about
Madison Square Garden

in the morning.

What-- what-- what about
Madison Square Garden?

Oh, we caught the last couple
minutes of the Knicks game.

Boy, it was so exciting. I
even made a basket.

You-- you-- you sh*t a basket

from the floor of Madison
Square Garden?

Yeah. It didn't count, though.

The game was over, and we were
just messing around.

After that, we went to an
art gallery in Soho,

and guess who was there?

George, there are eight million
people in New York City.

Why-- why don't you
just tell me?

Woody Allen.

Woody Allen?

You know, the little guy
in Bananas ?

I know who he is.

I made him laugh, d*ck.

I don't-- I don't believe this.

You were having the time of your
life, and I was watching

bridge and tunnel traffic on
the o'clock news.

That's why I came back home.

We were all at Sardi's,

but I knew you were stuck back
here all by yourself.

I mean, I wouldn't have even
gotten to see New York

if it hadn't been for my
best friend, d*ck.

George, um, I'm not-- I'm not
such a great friend. I...

I, um-- I-- I have a
confession to make.

Did you break my Empire State
Building thermometer?

No. No, George.

Um, I-- I didn't want you to
come with me to New York,

this-- this-- this one time.

I, uh-- I-- I was afraid
that you wouldn't--

you wouldn't fit in
at-- at the party.

And then, you know, you-- you'd
be uncomfortable and--

--and they, you know-- they'd be
uncomfortable, and-- and maybe,

you know, maybe I might, you
know, might even be a little--

a little uncomfortable.

I understand, d*ck. You're
kind of a snob.

Well, I don't think I'd
use that word.

Although everyone else seems
to grab onto it.

But-- but, they-- they
all loved you.

And-- and even if they hadn't,
I--

I mean, I was wrong to worry.

I mean, I w-- I was,
uh-- I was a snob.

Boy, d*ck, I can't believe it.

I know, George. You must
really hate me.

No. How could I hate you for
feeling exactly the way I did?

Huh?

Remember the first Beavers
meeting I took you to?

I was on pins and
needles all night.

I thought you'd embarrass me and
say the wrong thing.

A-- And all your worries
were for nothing.

Well, the important thing, d*ck,
is you finally fit in.

Anyway, thanks for inviting
me to New York,

even if you were worried.

It's been the greatest
night of my life.

I'm-- I'm glad it was, George.

But, you know, I'm feeling a
lot-- a lot better now.

After all, we are in the
greatest city in the world.

What-- what do you say we
get dressed, George,

and we find one of those
all-night delis?

Just-- just the two of us?

Gee, after Sardi's, that'd be
sort of a letdown.

Good night, d*ck.

Good night, George.

What-- what did I say
to the Beavers?

I just got off the phone with
Alice and Barney.

They were having so much
fun up in Maine,

they ran out of time and went
right back to New York.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. You stayed
home this whole weekend

and still never got to see
Alice and Barney.

It's okay.

I told them we'd see them in New
York next weekend.

We-- we can't see 'em
next weekend.

I know.

d*ck! You're back. I'm glad
you're home. So?

So? So what?

So did you bring me a gift?

And you thought I'd forget.

Thank you!

Aw, a sailor hat with an inane
tourist saying on it.

Let's see it on.

Okay.