08x11 - Can You Ear Me Now?

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Regular Show". Aired: September 6, 2010 – January 16, 2017.*
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Series revolves around the daily lives of two 23-year-old friends – Mordecai (a blue jay) and Rigby (a raccoon) – who work as groundskeepers at a park, and spend their days trying to avoid work and entertain themselves by any means.
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08x11 - Can You Ear Me Now?

Post by bunniefuu »

What an awesome trip to the summer time planet.

Yeah, I've been dying to get one of these Uber Soakers! What's next?

We're going to run some errands! Errands! Welcome to planet Lobius, everyone! What are we here for exactly?

I need to pick up a roll of film I had developed.

Why'd you come here to get it developed?

They're the only planet that still does it.

Whoa! Aah! Whoo! Hey, you know how you just said "whoo" really loud?

Yeah?

Well, never say that on this planet.

These people are very sensitive to sound.

So, be respectful and please keep it down.

No problem.

Easy enough.

Whoa! Kids these days.

Do you mind?

! Oh, sorry, ma'am.

Woof! Woof! Woof! Oh no, Rufus, that is too much.

I'll be done in a jiffy! I'm gonna see what they got for hair gel.

Wonder if they've got cinnamon toothpicks.

Ha! Ugh! Rrr! Oh, no.

What's going on?

! Uh we should probably leave.

You're under arrest! On what charge! Making a ruckus.

Typical.

They would do something like this.

Hey, innocent until proven guilty! Oh, you know they did it! Oh yeah.

Who's the old lobe?

That's the Auricle.

The oldest, most respected ear on Lobius.

Shouldn't they call him the Earicle?

It really seems like a missed opportunity.

Order, order in the court.

Prosecution will now give its opening remarks.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Lady

-ears and gentle

-ears of the jury.

We are here to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Mordecai and Rigby intentionally caused a ruckus and should be punished sev

-earely.

Thank you.

Public defend

-ear, how do you plead?

Uh, "not guilty.

" All right.

Prosecut

-ear, call your first witness.

Gladly, Your Honor.

I call Mordecai to the stand.

Place your hand on the Auricle if you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

I swear.

Mordecai, would you be so kind as to tell these folks what transpired earlier today?

You know, when you and your friend made that horrible noise downtown?

We can explain.

I'm 100% ready to listen.

He really should have said, "I'm all ears!" It's right there! So, Rigby and I just got these cool new Uber Soakers.

Rigby tried to squirt me, but he missed, and and it was all just a big accident, okay?

! Oh! An "accident?

!" Why don't you tell that to poor little Jesse down in the ICU! Good gracious.

Jesse had already been hit by a car, but that loud noise interrupted his favorite show.

Very tragic.

No more questions.

You gotta help us, man.

We're dying out there! Don't worry.

All I've gotta do is present these records that prove you were nowhere near that phone booth.

Our case doesn't have anything to do with a phone booth! Wait, is this room 17?

No, it's not! I now call Rigby to the stand.

So, what would you say happened, Mr.

Rigby?

Like Mordecai said Uber Soaker, accident, loud noise, boom! Watch your volume, son, or I'll hold you in contempt! Oh, geez! Come on, can't you do something?

Uh, uh I'd like to call for a recess, Your Honor! Make it quick.

What we need is uh Oh! Character witnesses! You know, people who would testify that you would never make a loud noise on purpose.

Say that you're not troublemakers, that sort of thing.

I think our friends could do that.

Yeah.

If there's anybody we can count on, it's our friends.

So, Benson.

You're Mordecai and Rigby's boss.

Yes.

No more questions, Your Honor.

Wh

-what was that?

! I'm just getting 'em warmed up! So, Mr.

Benson.

Mordecai and Rigby would never, say, whoo, make a loud noise like today on purpose?

Whoooooooa! USA! USA! USA! No.

Hmm.

I see.

And what is your job?

I'm a park manager.

Ah, park manager.

Park manager.

Done that all your life, have you?

Uh, no, sir.

Mm, what was your job before that?

Well, I don't mean to brag, but I was a professional drummer.

We are supposed to take the word of a drummer?

! A man of the forbidden instrument?

He knows nothing of peace and quiet, and therefore I move to throw out his testimony! Let it be stricken from the record! Eileen, don't fail me now! Mrs Ms.

Roberts, uh how do you know the defendants, Rigby?

We're dating.

Ah, really?

I knew it! This whole time I've been like "are they" but Ahem! In your opinion, would Rigby intentionally make a loud noise?

Oh, no.

Rigby might make mistakes from time to time but who doesn't?

Like sometimes he talks when my shows are on.

But he always whispers.

And it's usually just to ask how my day was! Aww! Oh, aren't they just the cutest?

L

-let the record show that this is adorable.

No further questions.

Boy, that Rigby sounds like a heck of a guy.

Would you say he's a calm person?

Uh, yes.

But how does he express himself when he's not calm?

When he's all riled up?

Uh, well, he says, um It's really funny.

He says, "Stop talking.

" Hm, he says it just like that, does he?

I mean more in his voice.

How would that voice sound, Ms.

Roberts, in his voice?

It would sound like Go on, Ms.

Roberts.

I don't know.

I think you do, Ms.

Roberts.

I We don't have all day.

I How does he say it?

! Stop talking! Hm, no more questions.

Your Honor, I'd like to call a series of incriminating witnesses to the stand.

Who else are they gonna call?

Mordecai and Rigby?

They got me caught in one of the loudest sh**t outs I've ever heard! They cut the moon in twain! Never heard such a terrible thing in all my life.

You know what it sounds like to hear yourself explode twice?

I've heard enough.

We will now have the jury delib

-earate.

I really feel like that did not go over well.

No way! That Eileen and Rigby thing k*lled! There's no way they'll find you Guilty! We find the defendants guilty! Okay.

Okay, Okay.

Don't worry.

He'll probably just give you a slap on the wrist.

Judge may look tough, but it's been decades since anyone's been sentenced to Life in prison! The penalty for your crimes is life in prison! What happened to a slap on the wrist! We don't have wrists! We're all ears! There it is! Uh it says here we're allowed a leniency thingy! Y'know, with the Auricle! Ooh.

The Auricle.

Seriously?

We're gonna go all the way out to the Auricle's house for this?

It's the law.

I feel terrible! Ack! My cartilage is achy.

And someone keeps messing with the thermostat.

Why don't you take your medicine?

Oh, I hate that show! No, I said "take your medicine!" I don't like that show either! Oh.

I think some people are here for a pardon.

Won't that be some fun?

No, that show's not on tonight.

We'll have to record it.

Okay, guys.

Approach the Auricle.

Sir, my name's Mordecai, and this is my friend, Rigby.

And we were just sentenced to life in prison for making a really loud noise.

We were just here for a quick stop! And it was all an accident! We didn't mean to cause any trouble! And, well, can you forgive us, please?

I've heard a lot of crazy things in my time, but I did not hear a lick of that.

You are gonna have to speak up.

Um, so Mordecai and I Closer! I won't bite ya! Mordecai and I Ah! Whoa! I'm sorry.

The audacity! First you barge in here screaming at the top of your lungs and then you as*ault me?

! It was an accident! Please! No pardon! I find these two beyond a reasonable doubt guilty as sin for assaulting the Auricle! Take them away! No! Rigby! Eileen! The Uber Soakers! Ugh.

Whoa! Stay back! Easy, man! Wh

-what is that, some kind of dangerous w*apon?

It is absolutely a dangerous w*apon! This has all been one crazy misunderstanding! Now you're gonna let us go before Aah! Aah! Auricle! Somebody get him an earologist! I'm okay.

I'm fine.

I don't need an earologist.

You heard me?

Yeah, yeah! I heard ya! But your horn is all the way over there.

He can hear.

By lobe! I haven't heard this well since before my Woodstock days.

I used to stock wood at my father's lumber mill.

But how?

Well, I guess, uh Uber Soaker.

This man right here must've flushed out my gutty works when he sh*t me with his water p*stol.

Now I'm the Auricle and I knew that.

Boys, I'm gonna let you go.

Yeah! However, I'm gonna need to take your water p*stol.

These works get gutty real quick.

No way! Leave it! But All: Leave it! Fine.

Here, take it.

Well, thank you kindly, child.

Well, that was pretty crazy! Glad Recap got that film developed though.

Hope it was worth it! Yep! Totally worth it!
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