08x29 & 08x30 & 08x31 - A Regular Epic Final Battle

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Regular Show". Aired: September 6, 2010 – January 16, 2017.
Series revolves around the daily lives of two 23-year-old friends – Mordecai (a blue jay) and Rigby (a raccoon) – who work as groundskeepers at a park, and spend their days trying to avoid work and entertain themselves by any means.
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08x29 & 08x30 & 08x31 - A Regular Epic Final Battle

Post by bunniefuu »


Pops, are you okay?

Yes. Just a peculiar dream

is all.

Oh, yeah. I've been having

weird dreams, too, Pops.

Like this one

where Eileen shows up,

and she's wearing...

It's not important.

Everybody has weird dreams.

I suppose.

Well, we've got something

that'll cheer you up.

Come have a look.


It's you, old friend.

All these years watching you

through my telescope,

and I had no idea

you were my home.

No wonder

it's your favourite planet.

So beautiful up close.

Isn't she marvellous?

Under normal circumstances,

I'd agree.

Yeah, don't forget

what we're here for.

We have to battle Anti-Pops,

whose whole thing is, like,

erasing the universe

as we know it. No big deal.

All the more reason to be ready.

Let's get down there.

This is where Pops came from?

I can't believe it.

I thought it'd be

a little cleaner.




Jolly good.

By Jove.

My dad Sizzle.

Yeah, this is definitely

Pops' planet.

Oh, my.

They're all so welcoming.

You're here.

You're finally here.

We've been waiting eons

for this moment.

Allow us

to introduce ourselves.

I'm Frivola-Kranus.

I'm Quadravi-Kranus.

And I'm Weird Mushroom Guy.

Well, it's a pleasure

to meet all of you.

Hate to interrupt the moment,

but don't we have a battle

to prepare for or something?

ALL: Oh, very true.

Come along.

Uh, no offense, bros,

but why's your planet

all busted?

This is evidence

of many battles past.

No fight of such a grand scale

is free of collateral damage.

But the Guardian

can tell you all about that.


My eyes are up here.

I am the Guardian of Lolliland.

I exist

to witness the titans battle

every billion years.

Excuse me. Ma'am.

Might you know

how I can defeat Anti-Pops?

I do not. I have never seen

the battle end in victory.

Only mutually assured


followed by a reset

of the universe.

Only this planet survives

in order to record the outcome

of each encounter.

Chosen One,

if you wish to know more,

study the ancient tapestries.

Do we even have time for that?

Isn't Anti-Pops

supposed to be here soon?

There is no sign yet

of the one you call Anti-Pops,

which is odd.

He's usually on time.


He's already at Lolliland?

You. Why aren't we moving?

Uh, well, you erased

half the engine, so...

we're sort of stalled out, sir.

Then I'll take

one of the smaller ships.

FEMALE VOICE: Coordinates set.


Warp speed at ten.



This is why I want to end

the stupid universe!

Over a space deer?

I hit

a space deer once.

They're way stronger

than you'd think.


Oh, my chips.

I need to find another way.

Welcome to

the Hall of Tapestries.

Anything you want to know

about the previous battles

exists in these creations.

They "weave"

a very detailed history.


He says that one

every time.

Still funny.

It is funny.

Here, you can see

how you came into existence.

Different versions of us

were born

over billions of years,

never quite right.

Until you, Mega-Kranus.

That's my name?

BOTH: Heh heh. Mega-Kranus.

Yes. You are

the ultimate creation.


when you were created,

the universe

had to balance itself.

Hence, Malum-Kranus was born.

Oh, Malum-Kranus.

"Malum" means "bad," right?

Here, you'll see tapestries

that depict every clash

over the millennia.

Kind of looks like

they're fighting

with pool noodles in this one.

Oh, yes.

That was a fun one.

Wait, guys. Look.

Does that

kind of look like us?

Yes. Everything

that's happening now

has happened before.



Each battle ends in a draw,

with two fists colliding,

resetting the universe,

and ending in rebirth.

Uh, hate to be a downer,

but this sounds kind of...


I mean, this has

been happening

for billions

and billions of years.

How are we gonna

buck the odds?

SKIPS: This doesn't look good.


Dude, you got an idea?


Okay, every battle

starts in this coliseum

with Pops on this side

and Anti-Pops on that side.

We know where he's gonna be.

We can catch him off-guard

with some traps.

If we want to win,

the only choice we have

is to change things up.

That's not

a terrible idea.

This is like pranking

the most evil guy ever.


the master prankster in.

Oh, a sneak att*ck?

That doesn't seem very sporting.

It's true, this plan

doesn't seem fair,

but I think

it's our best bet.

You too, Eileen?

I know how it sounds,

but everyone and everything

we know and love

is on the line here.

It's up to you, Pops.

If you want to keep doing this

how it's always been done,

that's your choice.

You're the Chosen One.

Okay. Let's do it.

Traps, traps,

traps, traps.

He already

said we'd do it.



S'up? You Malum-Kranus?

Took you long enough.

What is this?

There's not enough room.

Always room in the front.

Come sit up here with me, bro.

I'm not doing that.

Gruff, you sit up front.

Aw, man. I don't want to.


Yes, sir.

Floor it.

I hate to tell you.

Traffic's backed all up

and down the galaxy.

Oh, hey, do you want

waters or snacks?

They're in the side door

back there.

I don't want to hear it.

Just go.

Hey, how's the music?

The, uh, volume okay?


Yeah, I don't really like

this music, either.


Yeah, I've been doing this

about six years,

but this isn't, like,

my main gig.


what gets me out of bed.

Hey, if you ever need someone

to spin at a party...


Anti-Pops draws near.


And in this corner of the ring,

the ferocious fighter,

the erratic eraser.

You love him,

you love to hate him--


Pops, I'm surprised

you're still standing

after our last showdown.

But don't worry.

I'll make sure

that doesn't happen this time.

It's doesn't have to end

this way.

Please, can't we settle this



Ha ha ha ha.

Peace doesn't interest me.

I won't be satisfied

until the universe

has come to an end by my hand.

Now let's get on with it.

It is time. The titans

have gathered in the coliseum.

And now, as is tradition,

the ancient Lolliland anthem

will be performed.

This year, sung by local boy--




♪ Oh, Lolliland,

Oh, Lolliland ♪

♪ Our ball of beautiful dust ♪

♪ Her people strong,

Tall, nine miles long ♪

♪ With hearts

That you can trust ♪

♪ Despite the titan battles ♪

♪ She stands through

Thick and thin ♪

♪ Oh, Lolliland,

Oh, Lolliland ♪

♪ May good or evil win ♪


♪ Oh, Lolliland ♪

♪ Mama, take me to

The promised land ♪



This battle starts now.

Oh, no.




I think... we did it.


Universe is still here.


Put that in a tapestry, son.

Right away, sir.

ALL: Whoo.


That tickled.

ALL: Aah.



Heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Dude, I can't believe

he's alive.

Yeah, no one

could survive that.

Huh. Do you ever think about

how many people

we've seen probably die?

Ehh, I'm sure

they're all fine.

Oh, surely

there's still time

to settle this like gentlemen.

Hah. Tell you what, Pops.

I'll make you

a gentlemanly deal.

You and I fight one-on-one,

just you and me.

If you knock me down,

the universe is safe.

You go home, and everything

is regular again.

But if I knock you down,

I destroy the universe!

How's that for gentlemanly?

Very well.

I accept your terms.

Heh heh heh heh.

Ew. That's not for me.

, , .

That's a -pack, bro.






This is his fight.

Your technique is impressive,

but you won't win this time.

Ah. Ahh.











Pops knocked him over.

The universe is safe.


It was an arduous battle,

and though we had our--




But I knocked you over.

We made a gentlemanly deal.

A deal is only as good as

the man who makes it.

You thought you could

get away from me, Disk Masters,

but everyone streams eventually.

Ah, great.

Streaming's here now?

Oh, good.

Some extra help.

The more, the merrier.

Dude, let's go.


Where are you going?

BOTH: Trust us.


Hey, lady. You gonna help us

down here or what?

Well, I am supposed to

remain neutral, but...

Aw, heck. Get on up here.

All right.

Ah. Aah.


Let's bust a cap

on this data.

Oh, yay-ah. Rap-ah.

Minions, merge with me

and let us stream like

we've never streamt before.



Streaming went from buffering

to buff.

We're gonna need

some more help.

HD-DVD: Mind if we

join in on the fun?


HD-DVD and Blu-ray?

What? This wasn't in

the tapestry.

Well, consider this

the extended edition.

And you're about to get

a whole lot of

exclusive HD content.

Baby ducks.

What's up, dudes?

Greetings, dudes.

Told you we'd meet up with you.


We thought you died.

Not before I cloned myself.

I got a whole bunch

of back-up clones--

Sure Enough sh*t,

Sure Whatever sh*t,

Close Enough sh*t.

As long as none of them

are poor shots.

Not this clone.

Aah. How many reinforcements

do these guys have?

Oh, no.

You blokes weren't gonna

end the universe without me,

were you?

We'll give Anti-Pops

something to really cry about.



End-of-the-universe party.

Woot woot.

Baby ducks, assemble.






Nah. I want to see what

their final form looks like.

Aw, come on.

Excuse me. Sorry.


Back to the ship.



Follow our lead.

All you, Death.

Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this.

Death ain't dying today. Unh.


BOTH: Yeah.

BOTH: Uhh. Resistance.

Break it down,

Party Horse.

Whoo. Get ready

for some k*ller moves.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, oowah-oowah.

Aah. I hate breakdancing.

Hyah. Aah.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

I-I still get a five-star rating

for doing this, right?

No way out this time, dweeb.


I'm hit.


Hmm-hmmm. Nice of you

to drop in, dude.

BOTH: Whoo.

No way.




Ha ha ha ha ha.


Gary, you know what to do.



BOTH: Yeah.

ALL: Yay.

Let's delete this scene.


. surround shockwave.

Elbow drop.



Good battle.

Jolly good battle.






Any last words, Mitch?

You know who else

grows really big

to show their dominance,

but is actually

really small deep down?

My... mom.

[LAUGHS] Good one.




Give up, Pops.

All your friends

are going to die,

and there's nothing

you can do about it.

We can still resolve this,


Stop calling me that.




Uh, not cool.


Hey, guys.

Sorry I'm late.

Just came from

this hot party--Aah.



BOTH: No-o-o-o.


Heh heh heh. This ends now.





Dude, look.

Oh, no.

Dude, the end is coming.

We have to stop it.

Hang on-n-n-n.


It's not working.

Dude, we got to eject.

Not yet. We got to fly

between 'em.

You're crazy.


No. No, no, no, no, no.


All right, Beef Burrito.

I'm gonna give you

one more chance

to take back

what you said about my mom.

I'll k*ll you.


Ooh. Ooh. Uhh...

Tag up. Tag up.




Oh, you want us

to put the hurt on you?

I think he wants me

to put the hurt on him.

I think he wants you

to put the hurt on him.

You think he wants me

to put the hurt on him?

Yes, I do.


BOTH: Aah.

[DISTORTED] Wait a minute.

I think we've done this before.


Uh... yay.

Hang on, dude.

This has happened before.

What? What are you

talking about? No, it hasn't.

Yes, it ha-- Ahh.


Man, are you okay?

How hard did you

hit your head?

Medium hard,

but that's not the point.

We've seriously

done this before.

I think I would remember

breaking a hole in the wall.

We're gonna get fired

for this.

We're not gonna get fired.

Not for this, not for

smashing up Benson's car

or ruining everyone's

Thanksgiving dinner.

Not even for releasing a demon

into the park.

We actually still have our jobs

for, like, six years after this.

You're being insane.

Even if you could

see into the future,

we'd totally get fired

for all that stuff.

I'm right, Mordecai.

I can prove it.

[GRUNTS] Here it is.

The futuristic Blu-ray box set

that tells the story

of the next six years

of our lives,

including all those times

we didn't get fired,

your relationship issues,

plus, when we went to space

in a dome

and when the universe

got destroyed

by Pops' evil twin brother


Dude, just holding up a box

while you say crazy stuff

doesn't prove anything.

But it's all here on Blu-ray.


You keep saying that,

but "Blu-ray" just sounds

as made-up as everything else.

If it was a VHS box set,

you might have a case.

Hey, you think

if we sell this thing,

we can make enough money

to fix the ho--

[GASPS] I remember.

I remember.


W-What's going on? Huh?

This isn't right.

I think we're in a glitch,

and time didn't reset.

We got to get back

to help Pops.

I know how we can do it.

♪ Take us to the end,

Take us to the end, whoa-oh ♪

♪ Won't you take us

To the end? ♪

Heh heh heh heh heh.


Say good night, Pops.

Heh heh heh heh.

My friends.

You've k*lled all my friends.

Yeah, and you're next.

Guess who's

not d*ad after all.


Mordecai. Rigby.

That's right. Just hit

a little glitch in time.

We'll always

have your back, bro.

Not for long.




I say,

what a handsome chap

in the newspaper,

don't you think?

Is that me? Hello? Hello?

Uh, sure.

Where am I? What is this?

I'll be back in a second

with the check.

Anti-Pops. Hyah.

Heh heh heh heh heh heh.


Aah. Aah.

Rigby, hold on.

Pops, help.



We're d*ad times a hundred.

We're d*ad times a hundred.



Give me your ha-- Unh.



An adhesive note?


Dude, I'm freaking out.

Aah. Help.

Get it off. Get it off.

Aah. Dude,

what the heck is going on?

The fabric of reality

is unravelling.


Heh heh heh heh heh.

Mordecai, Rigby. No-o-o-o.

SEER: Sometimes

doing something different

makes all the difference.

We can still resolve this,



I don't need a hug.


Stop running.

Pops, he's too powerful.

You'll never b*at him alone.

I know you all mean well,

but I should've been

listening to my heart

this whole time.

You boys stay here.


Show yourself, coward.

POPS: I'm here.







This can't work, Pops.

The minute you let me go,

I'm gonna blast you

into nothing.

I know.

So I'm not going to let go.



BOTH: Pops, don't.

[THINKING] Don't worry,

Mordecai and Rigby.

I know you're sad,

but I promise

this is a happy ending.

Take care of each other.


All those one-star reviews.

I... I wish I could

take it all back.

You can try.

You and I together...



Guess this is it.

If anyone's listening,

I want to come back

as a dolphin.

Oh, good one.

Me too.

No, wait. An eagle.

No. A pterodactyl

with a really big--

Breaking news. Months after

the return of domes

around the world,

and three years after

their mysterious departure,

it seems like

we're getting reports

that the park dome

is finally back.

It's back, everybody.

It's back.

♪ I ♪

♪ I wish you could swim ♪

♪ Like dolphins ♪

♪ Like dolphins can swim ♪

♪ Though nothing ♪

♪ Nothing

Will keep us together ♪

♪ We can b*at them ♪

♪ Forever and ever ♪

♪ Oh, we can be heroes ♪

♪ Just for one day ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ I will be king ♪

♪ And you ♪

♪ You will be queen ♪

♪ Though nothing ♪

♪ Will drive them away ♪

♪ We can be heroes ♪

♪ Just for one day ♪

♪ We can be us ♪

♪ Just for one day ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ I can remember ♪

♪ I remember ♪

♪ Standing ♪

♪ By the wall ♪

♪ By the wall ♪

♪ And the g*n ♪

♪ sh*t above our heads ♪

♪ Over our heads ♪

♪ And we kissed ♪

♪ As though

Nothing could fall ♪

♪ Nothing could fall ♪

Man, I can't believe

it's been years.

Yeah. I wish Pops

could've been here to see this.

Well, if it wasn't for him,

we wouldn't have this.

Yeah. Hey, do you think

those old video games

are still in the shed?

Yeah. We should check it out,

for old cart's sake.

Hmm-hmm-hmm. Hmm-hmm-hmm.



I can't believe

we used to do that.

♪ Just for one day ♪


POPS: Ah. Jolly good show.


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