Narrator: ...in the shoe
Store...
What happens in the back of
The shoe store stays in the back
Of the shoe store.
[ Laughs ]
Narrator: ...in a corporate
Office...
In your opinion...
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: ...and in a bakery.
Put powdered sugar all over
Your face.
Are they soft of hard?
Yeah, soft.
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: plus, tonight's big
Loser shocks the art world.
[ Gasps ]
[ Laughter ]
We are at ferrara's bakery,
The oldest bakery in manhattan.
And today, we're gonna be
Working behind the counter.
The challenge is we've got to
Do and say whatever we're told.
If you refuse, you lose.
I'm in.
Boom.
Can I just get four cannolis,
Please?
Four cannolis.
You want the big ones?
Yes, please.
Powdered sugar?
You got it.
Yep.
Tell me when to stop.
As much as you care to put.
That's the wrong guy to say that
To.
[ Laughter ]
Just unscrew the top, joe,
And dump it in there.
And there we go.
[ Laughter ]
Can I have a chocolate
Cannoli and a...
...normal cannoli?
And a regular cannoli.
Joe, smear chocolate on your
Face.
And pop up.
Okay, so...
[ Laughter ]
Let me tell you something -- the
Chocolate here is delicious.
You know what else is good?
Cake.
Did you ever have the cakes
Here?
Actually, no.
That's the tiramisu cake.
It looks delicious.
Oh, that's really good.
Shove that cake in your face.
Slam it.
[ Groans ]
[ Chuckles ]
Do it!
This and the cannoli are
Probably the two things I can't
Resist in this place, you know?
Joe, we dare you.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, we got him.
They go fast.
Oh!
He did it!
Would you like some?
Go ahead.
Do it.
Do it.
Yeah.
Yeah!
[ Laughter ]
Do you have any idea how much
Tiramisu is up my huge nose
Right now?
[ Ding! ]
How are you?
Can I get the mini trio thing
To go?
Tell them all the ingredients
And make it a never ending
Explanation.
[ Laughs ]
Do you know how they make this?
First, they take chocolate,
Sugar.
If you do the sugar too fast, it
Coagulates and forms a
Crystallized goo.
Keep going.
They frost the top with,
Like, a flambé, almost.
[ Laughter ]
The saucer comes from sicily.
They bring it over on a boat
Because it has a certain flavor
To it.
Keep going.
The pastry is thinking about
What its like to be a pastry.
She looks like a deer in
Headlights.
Two hours later, the chefs
Finally turn the oven on.
If it meets all the criteria,
Right to your plate.
Do you guys know how they make
These?
[ Record scratches ]
It's actually far more
Complicated.
[ Ding! ]
Do your best super mario
Impression.
[ As super mario ] hello.
[ Laughter ]
Welcome to ferrara's.
It's me, the cannoli guy!
[ Laughter ]
Talk with your hands more.
Mwah!
Mwah!
[ Laughter ]
A cannoli.
Thank you.
Eh?
Get her to feed you.
Get her to feed you!
You want some?
Oh!
Mmm, mangia.
Traditional eclair.
Yeah, like four or five of them.
[ Normal voice ] four or five?
Put powdered sugar all over
Your face.
[ Laughter ]
The top layers of your...
...napoleons, are they soft or h
Yeah, soft.
[ Laughter ]
What was that order?
I'll give you a sample.
Yeah?
Cannoli.
There you go.
Interesting thing about that
Cannoli.
It's made from % breast
Milk.
[ Record scratches ]
[ Laughter ]
It's really good.
It's really good.
Breast milk.
No.
Come on. Do it.
It's made from %, uh...
Goat's milk.
[ Laughter ]
Really?
Yes.
[ Buzzer ]
Which one did you want?
This one?
Yes.
Bobble it, as if it's gonna
Fall.
Whoa!
Whoa!
[ Laughter ]
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
[ Laughter continues ]
Keep going!
Whoa!
[ Laughter continues ]
I'll get you another.
[ Laughter
A raspberry tart?
Whisper to the tart.
Be the tart whisperer.
[ Laughter ]
You're a good little tart.
You're gonna go.
You're a good little tart.
Shh.
Come here.
What else?
A cannoli.
A cannoli?
One mini one?
Yeah.
You're gonna go home with this
Girl, and she's gonna eat you,
And you're feel full.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Can I get a different one?
[ Laughter ]
Remember what I said.
But I don't want you to
Talk to it.
[ Laughter ]
Don't talk to the cannoli?
No.
Sorry.
Don't worry.
She's gonna be all right.
[ Laughter ]
[ Ding! ]
Who kicked the bucket?
Q kicked the bucket.
Woo!
Is it worse to take a loss when
There's a horrible pun involved?
It's the loss I can stand.
It's the pun that's k*lling me.
[ Laughter ]
Everyone's got an opinion,
And we want to hear them all.
So today, we're conducting a
Focus group.
We've written the questions
For each other, so they're gonna
Start out kind of normal then
Get really weird really fast.
Yeah.
And the goal is we got to have
The guts to ask every single
Question.
Hi.
James. How are you?
Rachel. Nice to meet you.
Hi, rachel. Come on in.
Have a seat.
Okay.
It's important I mention from
The top, I'm not the client.
Okay.
I simply work for the
Focus-group company.
He really fits this role.
He looks like a douche.
What's the last electronic
Item that you've bought?
Probably my iphone.
Your iphone.
Iphone .
Great.
[ Laughing ] here's where
It's gonna start taking a turn.
In the future technology
Arena...
What?
That's a question?
It is a question.
No.
Next question.
[ Laughter ]
Every time I go.
Every time you go?
Oh, yeah.
Five, six times.
[ Laughter ]
Texting on the [bleep]
Yep.
Pretty much.
What?
You know, like, "oh, these
b*tches be tripping."
Stressed out all the time.
Stress.
[ Laughter ]
Great.
And the last one is --
[ Laughing ] oh, my god, the
Next one.
And, uh, the last question
Is, uh...
Great.
And the last one is --
[ Laughing ] oh, my god, the
Next one.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my god.
[ Laughter continues ]
No.
You would not.
We're all done.
Got through it.
[ Ding! ]
All right.
Done one of these before?
No.
You ready?
Okay.
Do you ever use coupons?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
Know what this looks like?
It looks like the real guy is
Tied up in the closet.
[ Laughs ]
Moving on.
[ Laughter ]
Not really.
Okay.
[Bleep] these are something.
Okay.
How wasted do you need to be to
Hit this?
[ Laughter ]
Very.
Very?
[ Laughter continues ]
All right.
So, um...
There's no way.
How often would you say per
Week...
[ Laughs ]
You know what?
We're actually all done here, so
Thank you for your time.
Bye.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my god!
[ Buzzer ]
Do you normally watch
Commercials?
When they're entertaining, I
Watch them.
Gotcha.
Joe's not gonna go through
All these questions.
He's afraid of this guy.
He's afraid of the suit.
[ Laughter ]
Uh, zero?
Zero, because there's no such
Thing as duck r*pe.
[ Laughter ]
Okay, so, if ray-ray comes
I might.
Around, you might drop a dime.
It depends what
Ray-ray wants.
Depending on ray-ray's needs.
[ Laughter ]
In your opinion...
[ Laughter ]
Very, not very.
Not very.
Not very.
"How curious is bi-curious?"
Is more very...
It's more "very" than "not
Very."
[ Laughter ]
Okay, that's all we have today.
You did great.
[ Ding! ]
How many hours of television
Would you say that you watch a
Day?
Like, two hours.
Two hours?
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
No.
Absolutely not.
[ Laughter continues ]
Did you come up with the
Questions?
[ Laughter ]
Oh.
Female.
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughing ] no idea.
Good luck with the next
Question.
Oh.
Um...
Uh, well, this one definitely
Doesn't apply.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ] narrator: q is on ths
Early, but sal is showing
Symptoms of loser fever.
We are here at propel shoe
Store in manhattan.
Today, we'll be playing shoe
Salesmen.
If you reject a line, you're
Out.
Are you working here?
Yes.
Do you have this one in
/ ?
Throw the shoe over your
Shoulder.
/ ?
Yeah.
Sure.
I'll find out.
[ Laughter ]
Talk to the woman sitting
Down there.
Whisper in her ear, "I'm
Married, but what happens in the
Back of the shoe store stays in
The back of the shoe store."
I-i-i-i'm married.
[ Laughs ]
Go ahead, buddy.
What happens in the back of
The shoe store stays in the back
Of the shoe store.
No way.
All right, buddy.
I bet you can't kiss her.
Oh!
[ Laughter ]
And he does that hand!
Can I go home now, please?
The girl with the hat right
There.
Yep. That's it.
You need help with anything?
I'm good, thanks.
You know, you can tell a lot
About a bitch from her shoes.
Not even close.
[ Buzzer ]
Hello.
Welcome to propel.
This guy is begging for it.
Murr, go up and whisper in
His ear.
What kind of shoes you
Looking for?
[ Laughter ]
Just looking around, man.
Okay.
Sneakers, or shoes?
[ Laughter ]
This is top-notch material.
Say, "let me go get you this
Ting."
[ Laughter ]
Come on.
"Let me get you this ting."
Come on, mon.
Let me go get you this ting.
[ Laughter ]
Murr, help this lady.
Very politely.
Ask her if she wants any
F*****g shoes.
Hi.
Would you like any [bleep] shoes
Today?
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughing ] oh, my god.
Come on, murr, get back in
There.
So, how can I help you out?
I'm making up my
F*****g mind.
[ Cheering ]
[ Ding! ]
How you guys doing?
All right?
Everything going all right over
Here?
Keep your hand on him.
Do not take your hand off of
Him.
Oh.
Quinn, massage his back.
[ Laughing ] oh, my god.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah.
Oh, your back is really tense.
[ Laughter continues ]
Now, sit down in front of him
And take his hands and put them
On your shoulders.
All right, buddy, it's my
Turn.
Come on.
Come on, buddy.
Come on.
[ Laughter ]
Come on.
[ Moans ]
[ Cheering ]
Yeah.
Hi.
You need help with anything
Today?
"I would so love to put
Whipped cream on your toes and
Go to town."
Yeah, say it...bitch!
[ Laughter ]
What's up, quinn?
What's up?
"I would so like to put whipped
Cream on your toes and go to
Town."
Say it!
Hi. You need help with
Anything today?
"I would so love to put
Whipped cream on your toes and
Go to town."
Yeah, say it...bitch!
[ Laughter ]
"I would so like to put whipped
Cream on your toes and go to
Town."
Say it!
Nope.
[ Buzzer ]
You got any chapstick on you?
Chapstick?
No, you can't use my
Chapstick.
Are you insane?
I'll put it in my finger or
Something.
I don't want your finger on
My chapstick.
That's worse.
Put your finger up, and then
Put your finger on my lips.
I don't want to put my finger
Anywhere.
Let's keep your fingers and your
Lips to yourself.
Sal.
Yeah?
You gonna give it to me?
What?
I'm not gonna give him
Chapstick. I know.
You know where that's been.
Size ?
Yes.
It's the azlet, size seven.
Joey, yell out the shoe
Order.
Azlet, size !
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
Do it again.
Get in her face.
Larry, I need an azlet,
Size !
[ Laughter ]
It's a good pick.
It's a good pick.
[ Laughter continues ]
One more, as loud as you can.
Do it right in her face.
!
Larry!
!
[ Laughter ]
Those, size .
[ Laughter ]
Nose her foot.
[ Laughter continues ]
[ Ding! ]
Put it against your head.
[ Laughter ]
Tell her to push hard.
Get her foot in the shoe.
[ Laughter ]
Larry!
I need an / !
[ Ding! ]
One thing that we have
Learned today is that we're
Not cut out to be shoe salesmen.
And lar narrator: that's thre
Challenges down.
Who will be tonight's big loser?
Murr is always wearing dress
Shoes.
This is comfortable to me.
Sal has flat feet.
Yeah, I don't know if you
Could tell.
I have the flattest -- there is
No arch at all.
There's nothing.
No, don't do that.
No, no, no!
[ Laughter ]
[ Horn honks ]
Yoga.
Pilates.
Body pump.
Street jazz.
These are the classes we are
Teaching today.
If anyone walks out of the
Class, you lose.
What world do you live in
That you think any credibility
Is gonna come out of you walking
In that room looking the way you
Look?
I don't have to be
Crane-lifted out of my bed.
What is going on there?
These guys are broadway
Dancers.
Yeah.
They're never gonna listen to
Us.
Hello, hello, hello.
Hi, everybody.
I'm james.
We're gonna loosen up our arms a
Little bit.
Oh, my god.
They're following him.
Everybody out to the side.
You should feel a burn.
"Just like I do when I
Urinate."
You know.
Kind of like I do when I
Urinate.
[ Laughter ]
Okay, now everyone should reach
Over and touch your toes.
"I call it the little john."
This is just like your little
John.
"Skeet skeet."
Skeet skeet, mother [bleep]
[ Laughter ]
Skeet skeet, [bleep] damn.
[ Laughter continues ]
So, let's do a couple moves,
Okay?
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
And kind of get the hands going.
That's it.
[ Laughter ]
How much longer are they
Gonna buy this crap?
Now, arms.
"Fly the airplane."
Fly the airplane.
And there they go.
[ Laughter ]
Excuse me, where are you
Going?
We got a [bleep] load more jazz
To go.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
Hi, everybody.
[ Laughing ] look at him.
Look at the swagger.
Ready for a little peaceful
Yoga?
All right, just got back from
Tibet on, like, a yoga mission.
[ Laughter ]
But, boy, are my arms tired.
[ Laughter continues ]
Okay.
"This is a great stretch for
Your uterus."
All right.
We're gonna do a great stretch
For our uteruses now.
[ Laughter ]
Tell them the downward dog.
Downward dog.
Do we know it?
That's right.
Let's get in that position.
He doesn't know it.
[ Laughter ]
Is this right?
Am I doing this right?
Do you really work here?
I work here.
Of course I work here.
[ Laughter ]
Look, that guy's leaving.
You don't want to leave
Before the uterus stretching.
[ Buzzer ]
How's everybody doing?
They already don't like him.
My name's sal.
I just want to start off with
Breathing exercises first.
So, everybody, let's close our
Eyes.
Inhale.
[ Breathes deeply ]
"Now open your eyes."
Now open your eyes.
"Now close your eyes."
Now close your eyes.
"Now open them."
Now open your eyes.
And this is called blinking.
[ Laughter ]
"The key to staying fit."
They key to staying fit is...
Is cupcakes.
...cupcakes, right?
Drop them.
"In your mouth."
In your mouth.
Then force yourself to vomit.
[ Laughter ]
[ Ding! ]
How we doing?
All right?
This stretch is what I call
The frank and beans.
Right.
Here, we're gonna do the frank
And beans.
Knees tight.
[ Laughter ]
Bring it around.
There you go.
Stop it.
Bring it back the other way.
[ Laughter ]
A lot of people ask me how long
I've been teaching.
Don't answer.
Don't answer.
There you go.
[ Laughter ]
Perfect.
Okay.
On top, I like to call this the
"Titanic."
[ Laughter ]
Feel me, jack.
I trust you.
I trust you, jack.
[ Laughter ]
Good.
Bring it down.
Now go crazy, joe.
Got some cardio going.
[Bleep] the step.
Let's do it.
Do it.
Do it.
Let's do it.
Don't be afraid.
Don't be [bleep] afraid!
Don't make me do this by myself.
It's a journey, people.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Get those knees up.
Knees up, mother [bleep]
It's dance time.
Who's with me?
That's it.
Pump it out.
Pump it out.
Woo woo!
Get on the [bleep] train,
People.
[ Ding! ]
Narrator: for q, that was
Fail number four, making him
Tonight's big loser.
So, we're here at an upscale
Art gallery.
Yeah, and we have a crowd of
Art lovers coming in to see q's
New photography exhibit.
I suppose these photos are
Gems?
They're photos we had of you
That we've edited through the
Magic of computers.
Oh, my god.
[ Classical music plays ]
Oh, my god, it's freaking
Packed.
I'm gonna throw up.
Ladies and gentlemen, please
Welcome tonight's artist,
Brian quinn.
[ Applause ]
Hi.
I'm brian quinn.
Thanks for coming down to
"Me, myself & I
(A journey of self-discovery)."
These are photos where I'm my
Own muse, and it's about myself
And it's about my own journey.
I have a feeling we're all gonna
Be enlightened today.
So, without further ado...
[ Laughter ]
Wow.
So, we're here at an upscale
Art gallery in downtown
Manhattan to see q's new
Photography exhibit, which he's
Never seen before.
The pictures start kind of
Normal, but at the end, they get
Absolutely nuts.
Hi.
Thanks for coming down to
"Me, myself & i."
So, without further ado...
All right.
That's me.
Look at how cute that is.
Over here is my second piece.
Yes, I am highly contagious.
[ Chuckles ]
Here we have...
White people problems.
Don't get distracted by the fact
That I'm white.
You know, 'cause that's just --
I look very worried there.
Rich white people up on the hill
On the manor, you know what I'm
Talking about?
Meanwhile, I'm down here and I
Can't even eat an apple.
[ Laughter ]
Yes.
And here we go.
That is --
[ Laughs ]
Wow.
Well, what happened here is it
Looks like --
[ Laughs ]
Me stepping on chinese children.
[ Laughter ]
I just got emotional.
Because I feel like --
I feel like I represent america.
This country was built on
Stepping on foreigners.
[ Laughter ]
Finally, the end of the journey
Here is --
That's great.
Clearly -- clearly -- there's no
Way to sugar-coat it.
It's a picture of me having
Coitus with a buffalo.
[ Laughter ]
I think that about wraps up this
For today.
If you want prints and whatnot,
I can certainly get them for you
And sign them for you or, you
Know.
01x08 - Who Arted
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.