(male narrator)
Coming up..
I stole this from
a Native-American funeral home.
(male narrator)
Will Murr get away
with grand theft buffalo?
There's no way out
of this story, really.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
(male narrator)
How will Q solve his mystery?
Why is my couch always wet?
(male narrator)
Can Sal survive
a rear-end collision?
Back up, back up, back up!
(male narrator)
And if looks can k*ll,
tonight's big loser
is in for our deadliest
punishment ever.
[laughter]
We're at fairway supermarket
giving away
free samples of America's
favorite
dairy product, cheese.
- Mine's milk!
- Enough with the milk!
After the sample,
we'll be conducting
a survey full of odd questions
that the other guys
have created for us.
If you can't ask every single
weird question, you lose.
(all)
Cheese!
- Milk!
- Why do you push my buttons?
Sir, would you like
some free cheese? Okay.
You mind if I ask you a question
or two, though
about your eating habits?
Okay, well, no, go ahead then.
Would you like
a piece of cheese?
Do you mind if I ask you
a question or two
for the survey while you,
uh, enjoy?
Okay, do you buy more than one
block of cheese at a time?
Okay, so you only buy one block
of cheese at any given time.
Next question is..
Uh, how much Mexican can you
take before it becomes annoying?
Mexi.. Yes.
[laughter]
It never becomes annoying.
Okay.
[laughter]
Okay, uh, uh, can-can..
Can you tell that I've, uh,
I've never been with a woman?
You can't tell?
I've fooled another one.
I did. I've never
been with a woman.
I fooled you.
[laughter]
Do you mind if I ask you
a question or two
for the survey
while you're enjoying?
Um..
Um.. Give me one moment,
sir, okay?
I'll be right with you.
Oh, are you together?
This is your husband?
He-he, enjoy the cheese.
Enjoy the cheese.
How are you, sir?
How's everything?
- Not bad.
- May I ask you questions, sir?
Okay, uh, do you use cheese
as a snack often?
You do? Okay.
where'd you get
all that booty from?
[laughter]
again, this is just to see
what cheeses we should sell.
where'd you get
all that booty from?
You got it from your mama?
Alrighty.
[laughter]
Uh..
I'll treat you right.
Will you let me treat you right?
[laughter]
Yes.
Thank you so much.
Joe, how about that guy right
there in the hat?
Do you mind if I ask you
a couple of questions?
Do you like cheese
with an aroma?
And, uh, would you
meet met behind
the supermarket at midnight?
It's really important.
Would you meet me behind the
supermarket at midnight?
It's really important.
It's kind of simple.
You know what midnight is?
You know we're in a supermarket.
You know where behind it is?
Would you meet me there
at midnight?
It's super important.
No. Okay, so no then.
Alright, that's it, man.
Thanks.
Free sample, free sample.
Delicious cheese.
It's like feeding time
at the zoo.
[laughter]
- Oh, my God, he can't say that!
- People can hear you, buddy.
Brooklyn College!
I went to Brooklyn College.
Do you mind if I ask you
a couple survey questions?
Okay, great.
Um, did you, uh-huh..
Brooklyn, did you experiment
with any cheeses in college?
[laughs]
You experimented with
a lot of things in college.
(Sal)
'Next question.'
[laughter]
Uh, next question.
Um..
Go ahead. Read that to me.
[laughs]
You don't think so?
[laughter]
Is that a firm no?
Okay.
Enjoy your cheese, sir.
Thank you very much.
(male narrator)
Murr couldn't cut it, so he's
stinking up the loser board.
We're at a flea market,
trying to sell
some personal items to shoppers.
But each item will have
a very unusual past
that'll be given to us
by the other guys.
The more we try to explain
the story behind the item
the harder we'll make it
for each other.
Whoever can't sell their item
despite its weird story, loses.
Some nice stuff here.
This here is
a Dracula nutcracker.
Okay, he walked away.
The lucky horseshoe belonged
to the secretariat.
My grandfather
used to train him.
Oh, th-this? So, these are..
These are candle holders
that have been in my family
for a long time, and they
were used at a wedding.
The wedding of my grandparents.
- Oh, how can you sell them?
- How can I sell them?
They recently passed on.
So I'm just trying to..
I'm just trying
to make a quick buck.
I'm also trying
to make a quick buck.
O-only because my grandfather
was an entrepreneur
and a businessman,
and I-I've had
those traits passed down to me.
Plus, I'm trying to sell them
before my sisters find out
'that this stuff exists.'
I'm also tryin' to sell them
before the rest..
...of my family finds out
that I'm selling their things.
[laughter]
That's why I'm not
at the funeral right now
'with the rest of my family.'
The funeral's actually
right now.
[laughter]
The rest of my, the rest
of my family's actually there
- And I'm here.
- You're kidding.
No.
Those are $ for the set.
[laughter]
'Alright, man, nice technique.'
Murr, you don't look like
the type that would be here.
I don't belong here.
- How are you, sir?
- How you doing?
- Good, good, good, good.
- What's this thing?
(Murr)
This? The buffalo.
Interesting story
about the buffalo.
I stole it from
a Native-American funeral home.
I stole this..
I stole this from a
Native-American funeral home.
Uh, and I'll tell you
why I did it
because they had condemned
the funeral home.
It was going out of business.
I said, "You know what?
"Let me not let this
go to waste.
Let me save it from-from
a garbage dump."
But I went there
for the last funeral.
But-but I was there as
a guest at the last funeral.
And I just took it
right off the coffin.
And I.. It was on the coffin,
and I took it off.
It was, uh, it was chief, uh,
Chief Little Foot.
It was.. He had d*ed.
It was easy to sneak out.
The body was harder
to remove.
It was easy to sneak out.
The body was harder to remove.
[laughter]
There's no way out
of this story, really.
[laughing]
What I'm saying is, I stole
Chief Little Foot's corpse.
- You want to see it?
- You want to see it?
I got on a table
in the back. bucks!
You want the buffalo?
(Murr)
'Looks like you got
some customers, Q.
You like that mirror?
It's perfect for your home.
That'll look great anywhere.
Think you can hang this
in your bedroom?
And that's where I can watch
you get changed.
[laughs]
And that way, that way
I can watch you get changed.
[laughter]
Metaphorically speaking.
There's a metaphorical hidden
camera in the mirror.
[laughter]
There's a metaphorical hidden
camera in the mirror.
[laughter]
Metaphorically, there's not
a real hidden camera
in there,
metaphorically speaking..
You put it up on your wall
in your room.
Metaphorically feeds
to my computer at home.
[laughter]
I don't know how I'm coming back
from that one.
[laughs]
And it metaphorically feeds
to my computer at home.
[laughter]
So..
- 'No?'
- Ah! [bleep] damn it!
(Sal)
'Uh-oh, Joey, looks like this
guy's interested in your stuff.'
I got a lot
of cool things here.
Uh, this is a,
this is a flask.
This one's actually been in my
family for a long time.
My family used to, uh,
make our own moonshine.
My family used to make
their own moonshine
'during prohibition.'
A lot of under-the-table stuff.
How do, like, uh,
go about setting up?
Oh, you mean just,
uh, like, to-to get here?
- Yeah, I got the permit.
- I don't need a permit, though.
But I-I don't need a permit.
A few well-placed threats.
A couple,
couple well-placed threats
could do the same thing
as a permit application.
I'm in the mafia.
I'm in the mafia.
We don't talk about it, though.
I whacked a guy.
I took this from him.
[laughter]
When I, when I whacked
a guy, I
took this off his body, yeah.
But th-that was just,
you got to make
you know, some-something
bad happens
you turn it into something good
so I'm out here now selling it.
I'm gonna give that money
to charity
and pay it forward.
So, uh..
You want the flask?
[laughter]
You want the flask.
(Murr)
'He was scared for his life.
That's why he bought it.'
Uh, just wipe it down for
fingerprints. Take care, buddy.
[laughter]
(male narrator)
Murr and Q failed
to close the deal
so they've each bought
a spot on the loser board.
(all)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
We're in the park where we
have to get strangers
to talk to us for
at least seconds.
But it won't be easy because
the other guys
will be giving us the first line
of the conversation.
If you can't carry on
a conversation
for at least seconds,
you lose.
(male narrator)
It's Sal and Q in the joker
versus joker challenge.
Yeah, alright. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where do all the high-school
girls hang out around here?
Where.. Where do all..
Where do all the high-school
girls hang out around here?
Yeah.
[stammers]
I mean, , but, you know, just,
uh..
Just learning trigonometry.
You know what I'm saying?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What do you think this is?
- The Puerto Rican Day Parade?
- What do you guys think this..
The Puerto Rican Day Parade?
[laughter]
you know, because, uh, because
you guys look so festive.
[laughter]
'And you definitely
look Puerto Rican.'
[laughter]
So, I was like, "Oh, my God
look at this two-person
Puerto Rican Day Parade
approaching me."
[laughing]
Yeah!
(all)
Three, two, one..
- 'Ah!'
- Puerto Rican Day Parade.
Adios.
No, when he eats
the mushroom, he turns big.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why is my couch always wet?
Why is my couch always wet?
You complete me.
Did you know that?
I am boring to sleep with.
I put the donkey
in ba-donka-donkey.
I just saw a Chinese Batman!
I just saw him!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ladies, ladies.
Orgasms can be fake?
[laughter]
- You can't not say it.
- Yeah.
That's not even an option
in this.
'You have to say it.'
That's a beautiful scarf.
[laughter]
(male narrator)
Q wouldn't talk the talk
making it a two-way tie
for last.
We're gassing people up at
Jeff's complete auto care.
While helping customers
get their fill
we've got to do and say
what we're told.
And if you refuse, you lose.
- 'How you doin'?'
- How you doing, man?
What can I help you with?
(Joe)
'Alright, Q, give this guy
a nickname.'
- Ready, set, go.
- You got it, hotdog.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- 'Oh, my God.'
- What are you doin'?
- Didn't get it on your car.
It's all.. It's all good.
I wouldn't.. I wouldn't..
[laughter]
Hotdog! Hotdog!
Hotdog, that's what
I'm talking about!
Buddy, open every door
in his car.
What is this? A Civic?
What's going on back here?
You got lots of room.
- 'Crawl right through.'
- Hotdog, I'm going through.
This is looking good, buddy.
Oh, yeah, get me in here.
You know, there's one door
still not open, buddy.
His door.
'Lean over him
and open his door.'
Thanks, Hotdog.
Hey, how are you, sir?
Good. How you doing?
What can I help you with?
- I'm sorry. $ , the super.
- I gotta tell you..
I gotta tell you, your car's
a piece of [bleep], bro.
Your car is probably
the-my favorite car
I've worked on yet today.
It s absolutely gorgeous.
(Murr)
'Get to pumping, loser.'
- Okay.
- 'Sal.'
'Have no idea
what you're doing?'
I should not be doing this.
Alright.
'That's it, that's it.'
[laughter]
Sal, look right up at him
and keep licking your lips.
(Joe)
'Oh, that is,
that is actually gross.'
Flip around and do it
between your legs.
You know what,
if I do it like this..
'Back your ass into him, buddy.'
[laughter]
Back up, back up, back up,
back up!
[laughter]
I got you.
Two and a half, two and a half
(male narrator)
Coming up, what happens
to tonight's
big loser when things get ugly?
Murr, you have no blue-collar
skills whatsoever.
- None.
- Murr's a pink-collar worker.
No, um, do you mind coming in
a little bit closer?
(Sal)
'Murr, this lady's never
gonna get close enough.'
- Come, come, come.
- Okay, cut the wheel.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry.
And cut the wheel a little bit.
Okay, now come forward.
Just a little farther.
Back, back, back, back, back.
A couple inches back,
couple more inches back.
Yeah, and now back it up
a little bit.
- Oh, she's way off.
- Okay, great. Now stop.
A little forward
a little bit.
[laughter]
Three more inches.
Okay, great. Now, stop.
Uh, you're,
you're too close.
We got to pull it a little
further away from the pump.
- Okay.
- Alright, perfect.
- Now just back it up an inch.
- Now, back it up.
- Like a couple inches.
- Just back up a little bit.
Just keep backing it up.
And.. And.. Perfection. Boom.
- That's it. Nailed it.
- Okay, I'm on break.
Okay, I'm on break, so, uh,
this guy will help you out.
[laughter]
Just up a little bit more.
What can I get you?
Twenty, regular. Cash or credit?
I can't watch this.
Now I'm gonna throw up.
He's picking his nose.
Cash. Twenty, regular, cash.
Oh, my God, stop picking
your [bleep] nose!
'Joe, the guy'
s picking his nose'
'and now he's wiping it
with his shirt!'
- Ew!
- Joe.
(Q)
'Get this guy to stop
picking his nose'
'or you lose.'
Mia, you were knucks deep
up in there.
[laughter]
You alright? You got, you got it
all the way up there.
- Was your brain itchy?
- 'Oh, my God!'
[laughter]
You're like wow, right?
[laughter]
Here you go.
Eight dollars, regular?
Joe, ask him to roll up
his window.
You could roll up your window.
Thanks.
Now I want you to scream
everything to him
through the window.
You stupid asses.
[laughter]
That was eight dollars, regular?
[laughter]
Get your face as close as
possible
to the window and just scream.
A-and you said cash? Cash!
Eight dollars cash?
[laughter]
Do the windows? You want me
to do the windows?
Do you want me to do
the windows, too?
You want me to do the windows?
How about the oil?
You want me to pop the hood?
Your tires good?
Your tires are good?
Top off your fluids?
No? Okay, good.
[laughter]
(male narrator)
Q ran out of gas, making him
tonight's big loser.
Q, tonight, you are
a fashion designer
presenting your new clothing
line.
- I design fashion?
- No, no, no.
We design it for you.
In just a few minutes
this entire room's
gonna be filled
with the super-trendy,
fashion-forward crowd.
As the models walk the runway
you need to explain
what inspired you
to create what they're wearing.
You need to work it, girl!
[laughing]
What the heck?
With no further ado,
please join me
in welcoming Mr. Brian Quinn.
Hi.
We took the least fashionable
one amongst us..
...and used that to inspire
this punishment.
He'll never be able
to explain these fashions.
Uh, you know, I'm just
gonna be showin', uh
some, um, pieces from the
upcoming, uh
fall line that I'm
really excited about.
Alright, why don't we get
the show started, huh?
Alright, Q, that smile's
gonna come off your face.
(Joe)
'Yeah, as soon as you see
what's behind the curtain.'
[laughter]
Alright, why don't we get
the show started, huh?
Q, that smile's gonna come
off your face.
(Sal)
'Yeah, as soon as you see
what's behind the curtain.'
[laughter]
Oh, my God!
It looks like the fat crow.
[laughter]
Possibly come back
from the dead
to avenge some doughnuts that
somebody ate or something.
[snaps]
[laughter]
I feel like I'm
in the twilight zone
which is where I got the
inspiration for this one.
[laughing]
Nice.
Alright, well, thank you
very much.
Thank you.
Uh, alright.
Well, uh, next-next model.
Next model.
Let's just keep it moving along.
[laughter]
[Sal laughs]
'It's horrid.'
This is the direction that
fashion is going in right there.
- 'She's leaving.'
- 'She's leaving.'
- 'She's leaving--'
- 'She's wearing a..'
A lovely white sweater.
This lovely girl here is wearing
a fur vest-type thing.
Those are my designs.
They're surprise models.
[laughter]
Next model.
[laughter]
[laughter]
Burlap is back.
[laughter]
Alright.
[laughter]
Yeah, there we go.
Alright.
[laughter]
- It's a giant coffin.
- 'The coffin is moving.'
[laughter]
Uh..
- He has no idea what to say.
- There's nothing to say.
There's no way to explain that.
Uh, you know, if you don't
dress well
you might as well be dead.
[laughter]
- Wow, I will give you that!
- Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you!
He has all this confidence now!
You forgot the other disasters
before that one line.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
[applause]
[laughter]
02x13 - Out of Fashion
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.