(male narrator)
Coming up..
I am an aspiring inventor.
What happens
when Joe and this lady
don't see eye-to-eye?
That looks really crummy
and that's like
a really crappy idea.
What happens when
Murr needs someone to lean on?
At what point
does he consider this
'to be, maybe,
possibly a drug overdose?'
And can Q score
with this personal confession?
I'm , I live alone
and I have two cats.
And nothing can save
tonight's big loser
from facing holy hell.
[laughing]
We're inventors
conducting a focus group
on our brand-new product.
But we have no idea what it is
since the invention was created
by the other guys.
At the end we'll ask them
how likely they are to buy
the product on a show of hands.
Whoever gets
the fewest hands raised loses.
- This is gonna be ugly.
- You're gonna be ugly.
[telephone ringing]
I'll get it.
[laughing]
[sighs]
So how's everybody's day? Good.
- Good, good.
- Good, good. Yeah.
Thank you for coming in.
Appreciate it.
I am an aspiring inventor, uh
so I am here just to showcase
some of my prototype/products.
I will show you
my first product.
We threw Joe under the bus
right up the top.
There's no possible way
he can explain this product.
Okay, so..
(Murray)
'Here we go,
here we go, here we go.'
I'm excited to show you
the product.
What the hell is this?
(Joe)
'These here..'
I'm excited about this product.
So these-these here I call, uh..
Uh, uh, these are, uh,
brick-flops.
They're flip-flops with
bricks attached on the bottom.
[laughing]
What is the thinking
behind this?
The thinking behind this
is, you know
about all the rage
is the exercise shoe.
When you work out with these,
it focuses
on the Achilles tendon
which is the weakest part
of the leg.
...don't believe you.
That looks really crummy
and those look like
used flip-flops
and that's like
a really crappy idea.
I wish you would speak
your mind a little more.
[laughing]
Working out's all the rage,
and the brick-flop
'really plugs in to the market.'
Then you put 'em on
and show us.
Do it! Do it! Do it!
No, I'm showing them to you.
Alright, if you'd like me to..
- Yeah, take your socks off.
- Yeah, of course.
I'll-I'll be more than happy
to show you.
She's all over him, man.
Well, I mean,
these aren't my size.
[laughing]
[glass shattering]
This is not gonna..
Yeah, it's just a prototype.
What the [bleep], dude?
How much time
did you spend on it?
This? I.. About minutes.
[laughing]
The brick-flop is not a concept
that you're buying in to.
- No.
- No?
- Probably not, no.
- Probably not.
So by show of hands, how many
people like the brick-flop?
Zero. Okay.
[laughing]
That was a brick-flop.
Now, this is a product
I wanted to show you guys
I was excited about.
This is..
[laughing]
(Quinn)
'Explain that, Joe.'
This here is, uh..
...glasses
with side-view mirrors attached.
[laughing]
The-the mirrors are not for you.
They're for people behind you
so they can see behind them.
These actually are a great
accessory with the brick-flop
if you put it all together.
Um..
Uh, I have to be honest.
I really cannot imagine anyone
wearing those.
Is it the color?
[laughing]
By show of hands,
would you buy this product?
- As a gag gift, maybe.
- So that's a..
I would, I would say
maybe under some circumstances.
- There's one. Okay.
- Oh!
- He got one!
- Gets a one. He gets a one.
Have a seat, please, guys.
Have a seat.
(Joe)
'Murray looks like an inventor.'
- 'Like a mad scientist?'
- 'No, that's right.'
I'm sorry. Murr looks like
a mad scientist.
- 'Yeah, there you go.'
- I'm an inventor.
And from time to time,
I have these focus groups
where I test out
new concepts for products.
So let's take a look
at what we've got.
We are bringing to market,
hopefully, if you like it..
- What's that, Murr?
- What's that, Murr?
(Quinn)
'What's-what's that, buddy?'
[laughing]
This is a pair of underwear.
As you can see, it's a typical
pair of underwear in the front.
And, uh, what we've done
on the back
our team of experts have used
the, uh, the patented, uh, uh..
...crap-zipper technology to, uh
and we've sewn it
into the-the butt.
So as you can see,
you can open it up like that
and you've got the perfect pouch
out the back for quick access.
Folks, feedback, quickly.
Wouldn't the zipper
be sort of uncomfortable?
Ah! I'm glad you asked.
Well, keep in mind, this is,
this is the-the
this is, uh, uh,
the crap-zipper technology
and the inside is much smoother
'than your typical,
average zipper.'
You know, one can say
the same thing about
a front zipper
which we all have in our pants.
Like, wouldn't that be a little
bit, you know, dangerous?
Well, you know, we have it.
We use it all the time.
- We don't sit on it, though.
- Yeah.
[laughing]
But I'd much rather something
getting caught back there
than up there, you know?
[laughing]
If you had this,
do you think this is something
that you would find a use for?
- I don't think so.
- No?
It's not something
that I would--
Sir, if you had this
do you think you would use it?
- No.
- And how about you?
I would never have that.
[laughing]
(Sal)
'You really took a [bleep]
on that one.'
My name's Brian Quinn. Thank
you, guys, for coming down.
I'm the president, CEO
and founder of Quinndustries.
- Quinndustries. Nice.
- This is a focus group.
The more honest you are,
the more it-it helps me.
So, for instance...
this is a beaut.
(Murray)
'You don't even know
what it is.'
Yeah. Yup.
Ah..
Ah! Yes.
This is, um..
(Sal)
'Explain that.'
This is the, uh, uh..
[laughing]
...ampu-bear.
This is the ampu-bear
and, uh, he looks like
he's missing his arms
and he is missing his arms.
And why, why, why,
why would we do that?
Because bears are scary
to children..
- Oh!
- 'Because of the claws.'
They're not gonna buy that.
They're not gonna buy that.
You know what's not scary?
If they had no arms.
Now look at this. Don't you just
wanna cuddle up with this?
Here's a non-threatening..
Here's ampu-bear.
There's a humor element to it,
you know?
Oh, yeah, if you find
dismembered bears funny.
I see where you're coming from.
[laughing]
If I could just see
a show of hands
if you guys think
that you would buy this product.
No, no good. That's not a hand.
That's not a hand.
'Uh..
He's thinking, he's thinking!'
One for ampu-bear.
Is this stumping you?
[dings]
My name is Sal Vulcano.
I am an inventor and a patenter.
I love watching him bullshit
his way through this.
- He's not good at it.
- No.
These are mostly products
that I've identified a need for
in today's marketplace.
[laughing]
[laughing]
Chinese spray.
- It is manufactured in China.
- Yeah.
It's made with Chinese liquids.
It's for not just the Chinese.
Currently, right now there's
nothing like Chinese spray
out there, so we just figured
"Let's get a spray out there
like a Chinese spray
and see what happens."
[laughing]
Questions?
The purpose
of the Chinese spray?
It's a, it's a spray.
It's a Chinese..
What's that?
It sprays right out.
[laughing]
By a show of hands,
would anybody be interested
in the magic of Chinese spray?
I didn't think so.
[laughing]
It's.. Some products are bad.
I-I got other stuff.
Okay.
Last product.
[gasps]
[laughing]
[laughing]
Turtle. A turtle!
(Quinn)
'Good luck with that turt, Sal.'
Oh, gosh.
[laughing]
This is a turtle
with a nine-volt battery
on the top of him.
[laughing]
We're gonna call it dura-shell.
[laughing]
The battery slowly recharges
as the turtle walks.
[laughing]
This battery
is almost fully charged.
[laughing]
So by a show of hands,
would any of you be interested
in the rechargeable
nine-volt-battery turtle?
(Joe)
'Ha-ha-ha! Zero.'
- Thank you for coming.
- 'Ha-ha-ha!'
(male narrator)
Murr and Sal
couldn't focus their groups
so they each earn a loss.
- Shh! It's nap time!
- That's right.
We've got to go up
to a complete stranger
and fall asleep on them
for as long as possible.
Whoever takes
the shortest nap loses.
I got this, boys.
I'm good at two things.
Taking craps and taking naps.
Already did one today.
[laughing]
(Quinn)
'Alright, Murr,
white shirt, right there.'
If I was that guy right now,
I'd already be like
"Why is this guy
all up in my grille?"
Here he goes.
[dings]
[laughing]
Oh, he's got him. He's got him.
Oh, clock is running.
That's nice. What are you doing,
dude? Wake him up!
[laughing]
- 'He's just..'
- 'He's eating a sandwich.'
(Sal)
'You alright, bud?
I'm gonna have my sandwich.'
(Quinn)
'At what point does he,
does he consider this'
'to be, maybe,
possibly a drug overdose?'
[laughs]
Yeah, I would think this guy
is dead at this point.
(male # )
'That's it. Stop the clock.
Nineteen seconds, Murr.'
Did I..
My apologies, my apologies.
[laughing]
(Quinn)
'I don't know how well
Sal's gonna do on this.'
You see the size of the noggin
on this guy?
This kid's got a wrecking ball
on his shoulders.
Sal, I heard they're trying
to knock down a building
on rd Street. You wanna
walk by, help them out?
(Quinn)
'Alright, Sal. Try for this guy
right next to you.'
(Joe)
'He's going.
Here he goes. He's doing it.'
- 'Oh, oh, oh!'
- 'Noticed, the guy noticed it.'
[laughing]
(Joe)
'Oh. He's on, he's on.
Oh. Clock has started.'
- Oh, I had a long night.
- 'That's it, buddy.'
(Murray)
'They're on to you.
You're done.'
You're gonna go again?
I'm willing
to continue the time.
I'm willing to. I'll let it go.
We'll give it to you.
- 'There he goes.'
- He's back, he's back.'
'He's back.'
- 'The clock is ticking!'
- Oh, there you go!
He's like, "Just let him sleep."
(Murray)
'He's letting him sleep!'
They've accepted it
as their reality.
(Quinn)
He's keeping calm
and carrying on..
...with his fat head
sleeping on his shoulder.
Oh, sorry, man, sorry.
(Sal)
Ha-ha, seconds!
I'm still in the lead.
(Sal)
'Okay, Joe, woman to your left.'
Joe does have a distinct
advantage in that nose will
'touch someone about seconds
before the rest of his head.'
(Sal)
'True. They see you coming.
They see what's going on.'
'There he goes, there he goes.'
(Murray)
'There's contact.
He's got contact!'
[laughing]
'She pushed him,
she pushed him. No. No.'
- 'Whoa!'
- 'Whoa, keep the clock going!'
'Keep the clock going!
That counts!'
(Murray)
'That's only seconds, Joe.
That is not enough.'
'You know what,
Q's got the advantage.'
Most people think he's homeless,
I mean, if he falls
asleep on them,
it's no big deal.
'Q, you need seconds to win.'
Oh, the fall-asleep-on-
somebody-asleep-already move.
This is unprecedented.
Oh, the guy's waking up!
[laughing]
He's letting him stay,
he's letting him stay.
- 'He's letting him stay.'
- 'Oh, my God!'
(Murray)
'He's trapped. At this point,
at this point he's trapped.'
(Joe)
'The guy's asleep again.
The guy is asleep again.'
'The guy is asleep again.'
The guy fell back asleep.
'They're two grown men sleeping
on each other in the park!'
'Alright, Q, that's seconds.
You win.'
(Sal)
'Stop being a jerk, Q.
We get it. You won.'
Q is using this man
like a Jennifer convertible.
[laughing]
'Let's see how long this goes.'
(Sal)
'I've never seen this
in my life.'
- 'Unreal.'
- 'He's breaking records.'
(Murray)
'Oh, my God!'
'The guy is now awake with
a stranger sleeping on him.'
(Joe)
'Is this guy made of goose down?
What is going on?'
(Sal)
'Oh, my God.'
He looks like a baby bird
waiting to be fed.
[laughing]
He's going for the lap.
[laughing]
'Ah, you took it too far, man.'
(Joe)
'A minute . Unbelievable, Q.'
(Sal)
'Now this guy's
going back to sleep?'
[laughing]
(male narrator)
Joe couldn't sleep it off
putting him
on the loser board.
We're at Compare Foods
in Brooklyn
trying to talk customers
out of a product
they're about to buy.
Why can't they buy it?
Well, we don't know yet.
We'll be given a random
reason by the other guys.
If you can't convince them
to put it back using that reason
you lose.
(Joe)
'The best part about this is'
'Murray has no idea
how to food-shop.'
He doesn't know how to cook
or food-shop.
The only thing he does is exist.
'There you go, Murr,
right in front of you.'
No, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I definitely wouldn't get
that mixed fruit.
- I'll tell you why.
- Origami.
I'll tell you why.
Because of origami.
You know, the Japanese art
of making things out of paper?
You know exactly
what I'm talking about, right?
So, yeah,
I definitely wouldn't get
that mixed fruit.
Little-known fact.
That company
has been single-handedly closing
every single origami university
in Japan.
- 'Ha-ha-ha..'
- What?
Which is a little bit of BS,
if you ask me.
So are you gonna switch?
Are you gonna put those back?
- 'Oh!'
- Thank you so much.
- Come on, lady!
- Have a great day.
[dings]
(Joe)
'Q, the girl right there
with the can of soup.'
Ooh, you know what,
I, actually, if I were you
would not get that particular
can of soup right there.
'Cause I'm , I live alone,
and have two cats.
Because..
[laughing]
It's all true!
I'm ..
[laughing]
I, actually, if I were you,
would not get
that can of soup right there.
'Cause I'm , I live alone
and have two cats.
Because..
[laughing]
It's all true.
I'm ..
[laughing]
I'm , I live alone
and I have two cats.
[laughing]
Uh, I don't know if I'm supposed
to be ashamed of that
but I-I-I, they-they..
I-I open the soup can,
and, and when they, I open that
they go nuts.
That will attract cats.
You couldn't.. You-you open
that in your house..
You're not gonna be able
to sleep at night.
There's gonna be cats.
- Yeah, right there.
- Oh!
- Thank you.
- Oh, my God, her face!
'Ha! She's giving Q
a pity face.'
[dings]
(Quinn)
'See what's going on here,
boys, right?'
He wore that same
stupid, purple shirt--
- Lavender glow of love.
- What is the thought process?
- 'Because..'
- I'll tell you why.
Lights 'em up.
Joe, this guy coming up
behind you, that's your man.
Oh, I wouldn't,
I wouldn't get that broth.
Yeah.
- Um..
- Algonquin Round Table.
The al-gon-kin round table.
Joe, it's al-gon-kwin.
It's famous!
Um, it's based on
a old, uh, wives' tale
about how chicken stock
could cure, um
you know, all disease
back in the day.
Do you know of the Algonquin
uh, Round Table? You..
Oh, okay.
Well, it's a old fable
where they thought
that that chicken stock
would be healthier.
Where did they think that?
That was
at the Algonquin Round Table.
They are proponents
of it being a cure-all, right?
Yeah, that's what, that's what
they, uh, that's what they say.
But it's not true, so just
go ahead and grab another one.
[laughing]
Aw! Really?
I thought I put up a good, good
argument for the algonquins.
'Well, you don't know
what I'm..'
[laughing]
(Quinn)
'Joe, the girl
in the gray sweater.'
Oh, I wouldn't, uh,
I wouldn't get that soup.
Yeah, that soup I wouldn't get.
You got to be kidding me.
That's all it took?
I mean, sometimes
when you hear it from a guy
in a lavender shirt,
you just take it for--
Right? Sometimes
you don't even need words.
That's the power of
the lavender shirt, my friends.
[dings]
(Murray)
'Sal, here you go.
Lady with the blazer.'
[groans]
Uh, I don't know
if I would get it.
The reason I wouldn't get
that particular noodle..
Is because of hot ham water.
[laughing]
Is, uh..
...is because of hot ham water.
Uh, let me explain.
The thing is, I, uh, uh..
What happened was..
Have you ever heard
of Ultimate Frisbee?
I invented Ultimate Frisbee.
"I invented Ultimate Frisbee."
It was
a rival Ultimate Frisbee league
and this noodle was
the biggest supporter proponent
of that, that league
and so, well
there's a little bit
of a, an old rivalry there.
- Uh, hot ham water.
- Ah.
When are you gonna get to that?
Well, you know, 'cause what they
do is, hot ham water, right..
He lost himself.
He has no idea where to go.
Uh, I-I, you know, I have..
Just, just get it..
[laughing]
(male narrator)
Sal lands himself
in hot ham water.
That's tonight's big loser.
We're at Tea Lounge
for Sal's punishment.
And if there's one thing
he hates, it's--
- You.
- Well..
Another thing you hate
is big obnoxious scenes.
- True.
- 'Sal.'
Today you will be
the big obnoxious scene
my friend, 'cause we have seized
control of your laptop speakers.
And then we've loaded
some fun sounds in there
for everyone in
the quiet coffee shop to enjoy.
- What types of sounds?
- Fun sounds.
- Fun for who?
- Us.
- What about, what about me?
- Oh, and fun. And fun for you.
(Quinn)
'Yeah, that's you right there,
buddy.'
'Pull up a chair. Get comfy.'
He's checking out
the whole crowd.
'He sees there's a lot
of old people here.'
Dude, old people?
Have you seen the nun?
Oh..
I saw the nun.
[on speaker]
[moaning]
I just saw the nun.
Ready?
[woman moaning on speaker]
[laughing]
[moaning continues]
Sorry.
[moaning continues]
(man on speaker)
'Oh, yeah, oh.'
Oh, time out.
Please, time up. Please stop.
[moaning]
It was my bad.
Sorry, sorry, buddy.
[moaning continues]
The guy unplugged the speakers.
I have to.
[laughing]
I, uh, I'm not crazy.
It won't happen again.
Thanks, man.
Plug it in.
It's a punishment,
you don't get to say no.
(man on speaker)
'Oh, yeah.'
[woman chuckling on speaker]
[woman moaning on speaker]
[horse neighing]
Sorry, sister.
[moaning continues]
I'm sorry.
(man on speaker)
'Yeah.'
[moaning continues]
02x07 - Sound EffeXXX
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.