(male narrator)
Coming up..
(Joe) Say it! Say it!
Say it right now!
...will the guys force
Q to steal a kiss?
Can I get some of that action?
(male narrator)
What happens when Joe
drops a number two?
- Hey!
- Ah, you're caught!
(male narrator)
And what's got Sal
talking trash?
I will never forgive you!
We're at compare foods
in Brooklyn
trying to sneak as many
pencils as we can onto
unsuspecting shoppers.
Pockets, bags, hats, I don't
care if you put it in their hair
as long as you get it on them.
But the shopper must keep
all your pencils in order
for your score to count.
Whoever puts the most
pencils on a stranger
wins and everybody else loses.
- So, it's like pickpocketing.
- It's more like putspocketing.
Hey, Murr, the three
of us are wearing
Staten island t-shirts.
Three of you do it, it's,
suddenly, I'm the odd man out.
It's been that way for decades.
I'm actually really
nervous for this.
- 'Behind you.'
- That's a loose jean.
(Sal)
'The pocket's drooping
off of him.'
Oh! Oh! Oh!
(Sal)
This guy's caught
up in his meat.
- 'Ohh!'
- 'Ohh!'
- 'So close!'
- Yeah!
(Joe)
'Murr, he's browsing,
he's browsing.'
- 'Murr.'
- 'Oh, there's one, Murr.'
(Sal)
'This is the jackpot,
it's loose pants.'
(Joe)
'Oh! Three.'
(Sal)
'Four, five.'
- Going on to the second.
- You're getting very brazen.
- 'Murray, don't get cocky.'
- 'Don't get cocky.'
(Sal)
'Oh, my God.'
'You got to be-ah!'
(Joe)
'Seven pencils.'
He doesn't know he has them
in his pocket.
- Seven, impressive, Murray.
- Wow.
Impressive, bud.
(Q)
'He's not done,
he's going for more.'
Where did you get this plant?
(Q)
'He's got one in there,
look at this.'
I was looking for, like, the
same plant I was hoping to get.
(Joe)
'The bag counts, man.'
As conducive in an apartment.
I used to live in a house
in, like, Jersey.
- He's trying to distract her.
- You're creating a diversion.
But the apartment is, like--
The-oh, those pencils?
They're not my pencils.
- They're yours.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh!
- Great.
Listen to me, the key
is to cause a distraction.
So, suddenly, he thinks
he's a master putpocketer.
(Murr)
'What are you gonna-set
off fireworks?'
(Joe)
'Oh, here we go.'
(Murr)
'She didn't even look,
she didn't even look.'
(Joe)
'She's got a handful
and didn't even look up.'
- Good diversion.
- 'Here you go.'
(Joe)
'This guy's windblown.'
(Murr)
'I can't believe it.'
(Q)
'He thought you were messing
with his tie.'
Macaroni diversion, oh, man!
(Murr)
'Sal, mother and daughter.'
- 'Oh, there you go.'
- 'Ohh.'
A hood's a pocket,
technically, the hood counts.
(Murr)
'Wait, wait, wait, she's
noticing the mother's noticing.'
'The little kid just got
in trouble.'
(Q)
'She's keeping them.'
(Murr)
'She's..'
Alright, Q, you're in.
Are you-are you undercover?
Nobody said anything about
not posing as a store employee.
Look at him, he's like,
"He doesn't work here."
What's up, Ted?
I'll see you at the, uh,
dairy-produce
softball game next week.
Do-Do you need help
with anything?
No? Okay, no problem.
If you need help with
anything, just let me know.
(Joe)
'Oh, one fell out!'
(Sal)
'Alright, the kid's on to you.'
- It fell out again.
- Oh, look, look!
The kid's playing, wait,
wait, put it in the pocket.
- She's gonna notice.
- Put it in! Put it in!
Go! Go! Go, man!
(Sal)
'Ohh!'
(Joe)
'She thinks he did it.'
- The kid putpocketed.
- 'That kid gets the assist.'
- He's going in.
- Alright, Joey.
(Q)
'You got to b*at to win.'
There's one.
'The daughter knows
what you're doing'
'and is not saying anything.'
He's turned her into
a co-conspirator.
(Sal)
'She's watching you.'
(Murr)
'Two-that's two.'
(Q)
'Look at that he's trying
to put all the pencils in.'
- 'How many is that?'
- ' .'
- Ah, you're caught!
- 'Ohh!'
Ah, tortillas.
(Sal)
'He walks down the aisle.'
Oh!
That does not count,
she put 'em all down.
(male narrator)
Q's the sharpest pencil
in the box
putting Sal, Joe, and Murr
on the loser board.
Today, we're in the park,
wearing these blacked-out
sunglasses, so we won't be
able to see a single thing.
The other guys will be telling
us where and how to move
and what to say and do.
(Murr)
'After we do whatever
we have to do'
we'll take the sunglasses
off and have to deal
with the consequences, right.
And if you refuse to do
anything, you lose.
You can't see, look at this,
could you-could you see my nose?
Okay, Fedora the explorer,
you ready to go?
- 'Start walking.'
- 'Put your arms down.'
- You look like Frankenstein.
- I can't see [bleep]
- 'Yeah, walk straight.'
- 'Straight, straight'.
I hear skateboarders.
No-No nobody warned me
about the skateboarders.
Walk forward,
right a little bit.
(Joe)
'A little left, walk straight,
go ahead, walk straight.'
- 'Slow down.'
- 'Stop.'
Turn right and say, "Can I
get some of that action? "
'Go, go, say it, say it,
say it right now.'
Can I get some of that action?
Okay, Fedora the explorer,
you ready to go?
- 'Start walking.'
- 'Put your arms down.'
- You look like Frankenstein.
- I can't see [bleep]
- Walk forward.
- 'Stop.'
(Joe)
'Turn right and say,
"Can I get some of that action?'
(Joe)
'Say it, say it, say it
right now.'
Can I get some of that action?
- Take the glasses off.
- Take the glasses off.
- They were just making out.
- They were just making out.
You guys were having
a private moment, I just..
(Joe)
'I can't believe he said it.'
Turn around degrees.
To your right more,
to your right.
'To your left now,
okay, excuse me.'
- Excuse me.
- 'Is that bitch taken?'
Have a good day, it's
a lovely day in the park.
(Murr)
'It was a dog, you idiot.'
- Got him.
- Alright, you got me.
- 'Here we go.'
- 'Alright, Sally.'
- Put those glasses on.
- You can't see a thing.
Okay, walk, to your left
a little bit.
Oh, it's not so easy,
huh, buddy?
I can't believe
how dark these glasses are.
Now, go forward, keep walking.
Alright, bend over a little
bit and shoo these pigeons.
- Shoo! Shoo!
- Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
Get out of here!
Fly! Fly away!
- 'Shoo those pigeons.'
- Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
- 'Take your glasses off.'
- Shoo!
I just, uh, I just dropped acid,
and I thought I saw pigeons.
Sorry about that, sorry,
alright, take care.
Have a good day.
Oh, God, I'm actually,
I'm actually shaking.
Okay, great,
walk straight.
Keep going, turn right,
turn right.
- Okay, keep coming straight.
- How about a cool walk?
Okay, straight, stop.
You stupid [bleep]
That's what you get
for your cool walk.
(Murr)
'Sal, after this next
one, you can't run.'
- 'You run, you lose'
- You-wait, wait, wait.
You're saying that,
if I run after I say it?
- Yes.
- 'Don't worry, bud.'
(Joe)
'You'll be fine.'
Alright, now walk straight.
'Alright, left, alright,
now I want you to stop.'
Turn left face him go hey, buddy
I can take you in a fight.
(Murr)
'He's looking, say it.'
What if he punches me
in the face?
(Q)
'You cannot run.'
Hey, buddy, I can take you
in a fight.
Yeah, real intimidating
street lamp.
Okay, ready, Joe?
Walk straight.
'Turn right,
now hard right.'
(Q)
'Excuse me, sir,
excuse me, sir.'
Excuse me, sir,
excuse me, sir.
- 'Points with the right hand.'
- 'Point to it, point to it.'
Excuse me, excuse me.
(Q)
'You want me to throw
that out for you?'
You want me to throw
that out for you?
No, I don't.
I can throw it out
if you want.
- No, I don't.
- No? You don't want me to?
Oh, my God.
In case he didn't want
that baby.
- You guys are terrible.
- Put the glasses back on.
(Q)
'Alright, joe, walk, walk
forward walk forward two steps.'
- [bleep]
- 'Say it.'
[bleep]
Take the glasses off,
take the glasses off.
- Enjoy your day.
- Oh, my God.
(Sal)
'Joe, okay, Joe, walk
forward, hurry up.'
'Turn hard left
and walk forward.'
- Stop, stop.
- Turn right.
- 'Say, Excuse me.'
- Excuse me.
- 'I refuse to be bullied.'
- I refuse to be bullied.
(Sal)
'Now take off the glasses.'
I just-it's an
anti-bullying thing.
I'm sorry, just making sure.
Enjoy your day, ma'am.
She squared up to me.
She..
- 'Put it on.'
- Oh, my God, it's pitch-black.
I can't see anything.
- It's even worse when you walk.
- I'm terrified.
Stop right there
and-and start humping.
(Joe)
'Yeah, there you go.'
'Walk and do it,
walk and do it.'
(Q)
'Keep going, buddy, keep going.
you're following her.'
'You're following her.'
(Joe)
'Right, right, right,
turn right.'
'Do it, do it.'
(Joe)
'Take the glasses off.'
Oh, my God.
What are you doing
behind my back?
Was I-Was I behind your back?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I didn't know!
- Alright, Murr, put 'em on.
- You [bleep] idiots.
Alright, now, ready, Murr?
Walk straight.
Step over the chain,
do you feel it? Step over it.
- That'll be good.
- Okay, great.
- Now just walk straight.
- Oh, my God.
Keep going, buddy, there's
nothing in front of you.
'Straight, go straight,
okay, stop, stop, stop, stop.'
Okay, now, just start going,
"psst, come here."
Psst, come here.
Psst, come here.
Hey, you, come here,
come here.
- Take the glasses off.
- Take your glasses off.
Oh, no, no!
Oh, it's a beautiful day,
isn't it, parents?
It's such a beautiful
day in the park.
Go back and play, kids.
(male narrator)
Sal and Q couldn't keep
their eyes on the prize
so they're each
looking at a loss.
Coming up, why does
this sales pitch go sour?
- Turn around.
- [bleep]
(male narrator)
And later, what happens
when Sal gets totally trashed?
Today, we're teaming up
to show exciting travel
opportunities to prospective
clients.
But our presentations have
been made by the other team.
At the end of the presentation,
we'll ask the clients
to raise their hand if they're
interested in the property.
Whichever team gets the fewest
hands raised, loses.
- Hello, hi, I'm Brian.
- Hello.
- Hello, how are you?
- Hi, everybody, come on in.
Hey, how are you?
Thanks for coming.
- Have a seat, everyone.
- I'm Brian, this is James.
Well, there's one travel
opportunity, in particular
we'd like to take you
through today.
They're gonna have to talk
their way out of a lot
of stuff which I like.
So, let's begin, okay,
Casa Brigante Mujeres.
It's in Puerto Plata, Mexico.
Uh, general amenities of-of
the resort, whirlpool, standard
in all rooms, every room has
beachfront access directly.
(Joe)
'Here you go, here you go,
Here you go.'
- 'We have..'
- 'We've got an..'
An on-call Filipino.
Like, a dude,
like, a Filipino dude.
He has a name,
but he's on call.
Uh, policies of the resort
are important to note.
They have some
interesting policies.
(Murr)
'Uh, unreturned towels are
subject to a service charge.'
Too many dicks taking towels.
Uh, resort safety statistics.
We'd like to be public with
all of our safety records.
Twice, two people had
food poisoning.
Just twice, which is actually
far below the Mexican standard.
Yeah, wait-so, four people, so,
four people had food poisoning.
- Wait, no, twice..
- Two people had food poisoning.
So, the same two people,
the same two people
had food poisoning twice.
Twice, two different people
had food poisoning.
Yeah, we should make
that clearer.
Yeah, the property
also features..
Best places to boink,
we label them for you.
- There are two spots.
- Two spots.
Though those two spots,
especially.
- Let's move on.
- Alright.
And, yeah, yep.
There's just a lot
of places to boink.
(Murr)
'And, also..'
That's your hat, my balls
are in your hat.
Nudity is tolerated on premises.
That's not right.
So, what we'd like to ask right
now is you've seen the resort.
By show of hands, how many
of you are interested
in this travel opportunity?
- One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
- That's insane.
- That's nuts.
Thank you so much for
your time for coming in.
I guess what I'm gonna do
is go clean my hat.
We didn't talk about the last
time you did this to me.
Just do me a favor,
don't leave the room.
I will get through it.
I will support you when you need
me, I am gonna be your rock.
- Hey, guys, how you doing?
- 'Hey, guys.'
- Uh, I'm Sal.
- I'm Joe.
We'll take you through some
timeshare opportunities.
Let us know what you think.
Alright, so, let's get started.
Uh, this is a place called
Lawrence Isle
as the new travel opportunity
that we're presenting here
today.
There's all different
amenities on the property.
Uh, people who vacation
at Lawrence Isle are.."
This is the demographic here,
they're always happier.
Always happier, uh,
less likely to get stressed.
- The whole point.
- Less likely to get att*cked.
There are a lot of wild
animals out there.
Are there, like,
rangers out there?
We have state rangers on the
perimeter, and then, of course
we have our own private
security.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
We caught the alligator
who ate the Deluca boy.
- Lawrence Isle..
- 'Look at Sal.'
We named a-a path after him.
- There's the Deluca boy--
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
There's the Deluca boy path.
Alright, so, then, he's now
stuffed and available
for pictures, though.
The alligator, not the-not
the Deluca boy.
(Murr)
'Look at the Deluca boy.'
May he rest in peace.
- You want to come on, man?
- What?
(Q)
'Sal's gone.'
- Perfect for lovers.
- Oh, my God! Just wait.
Uh..
That's Q kissing Sal's sister.
What are we-where we going?
Where we going with this?
That's your sister.
oh, wow, oh, wow.
(Murr)
'Oh, my God!'
Uh, and they accept all
lifestyles, as well.
- 'Oh, my God.'
- He's lost, he's lost.
- What else?
- Uh, um.
And you can j..
- And that.
- So, yeah, so..
- Turn around and look.
- Turn around and look.
- You turn around and look.
- Don't.
Turn around, you turn
around right now.
[bleep]
That's a Sal's sister sandwich.
- Lawrence Isle.
- Lawrence Isle.
(Murr)
There it is.
By show of hands,
anybody interested
in hearing more about
that property?
- None.
- Not a single hand.
(male narrator)
And with that, Sal's our
biggest loser.
Where-Where are we walking to?
(male narrator)
Will Sal be pushed too far?
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
this has a weird footing.
Aah! You son of a bitch!
(Joe)
'And here we go gentlemen.'
Sal's made us promise to stop
with the gross punishments.
And we will,
once he stops losing.
Sal, welcome to your
worst nightmare.
(Q)
'Here we go.'
(Joe)
'It's punishment time.'
So what we did
for your punishment
is we went and hid it
in this pile of garbage.
Right here on this trash barge.
You hid what? Something of mine?
Oh, oh, I'm sorry,
your brand new cellphone.
Your cellphone.
There's no way for me
to find anything in that.
- Good luck, buddy.
- Good luck.
Let me tell you something
right now, I don't want
my phone to be in here, but
my phone better be in here.
You understand what I'm sayin'?
Is that diarrhea?
My God, the smell is unbearable.
We're gonna be here
a long time guys.
[belching]
(Murr)
'Is that a used diaper?'
Oh!
Sal.
This is my phone, don't worry.
Oh, [bleep]
[instrumental music]
(Joe)
'Hey, Sal.'
Just call us when you want
us to pick you up.
Find it real fast.
Are you kidding me right now!
[horn blaring]
Bon voyage.
I will never forgive you!
Arrivederci.
(Sal)
'I hate you!'
Call us when you find the phone.
(Murr)
'Just call us and we'll
send the boat back.'
I'm never gonna [bleep] find it!
(Sal)
'Oh, my God!'
Oh, God!
'We're basically on the high
seas now at this point.'
Ah, tomato sauce, everywhere!
Ah, all over my [bleep] shoes..
(Joe)
'Have we lost Sal forever?'
Oh, my God,
this is so [bleep] up.
There's a full gallon of milk!
A full gallon..
(Sal)
'Guys, I have no idea
where this is.'
This is [bleep] gross.
Ahh!
Ahh!
'It really is my phone!'
Oh, it's Sal, voicemail.
Stop sending me to voicemail!
'Get me off the damn boat,
enough is enough!'
02x16 - Down in the Dump
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This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.