(male narrator)
Coming up, what happens
when Sal gets in touch
with his feminine side?
[giggles]
Will Murr be
the next fall guy?
- 'Oh, jump!'
- Oh, my God.
- And..
- Gray hoodie, looking good.
What makes Q snap?
[grunts]
[laughing]
Today we're competing
head-to-head
and the only rule is
try not to laugh.
We're at
the Millennium Broadway Hotel
giving presentations
on identity theft.
- It's Q versus Joe.
- And me versus Sal.
(both)
But I wrote his slides.
(both)
And I wrote his slides.
And we wrote them
with the express purpose
of making each other cr*ck up.
The goal is
to get through the slides
made by your partner,
without laughing.
Whoever laughs the most loses.
Well, let's get
all the laughs out now, boys.
[laughing]
I'm gonna crush you.
Alright, the two gladiators
have entered the arena.
Who do you think's
gonna win this?
I think Murray's gonna win.
Why do you think he's gonna win?
Because you fall down laughing
at every single thing.
[laughing]
[laughing]
[glass shattering]
So Murr wrote
all of Sal's slides.
And Sal wrote
all of Murr's slides.
- My name is James Murray.
- And I'm Sal Vulcano.
Today we're going to give you
a presentation
'about identity theft.'
- 'Go ahead, Sal.'
- Okay.
Most common passwords. Alright?
I love you. Believe it or not,
people think they're cute.
Uh, Donna had it coming.
[laughing]
You wouldn't think
that was common.
- Got the smirk.
- But what we did was we..
That was a cr*ck, not a break.
He's good.
I don't know who Donna is
or why she had it coming
but a lot of people
don't like Donna.
- 'Ha-ha-ha.'
- 'Murr's up.'
Let's go over some important
Internet-security terms.
Computer of course,
that is
the terminal in which
you interact with the world.
'Y K, everyone remembers that.'
'And then floppy..'
[laughing]
Oh, hold it. Hold it, Murr.
Floppy dicks. Floppy dicks.
Clearly a typo.
Nice save, Murr.
Trying to hold it together
'cause I didn't expect
that typo.
Back to Sal.
Uh, change your password to
movie puns, uh, to stop hackers.
A few examples.
[laughing]
"Black to the future."
Of course, uh, that is based
on "Back To The Future."
'"Will he bonk ya
in the chocolate.."'
[laughing]
There he goes. That's a laugh.
Of course, that's "Will.."
[laughing]
- Will he? Will he bonk ya?
- Well..
This is really funny. And no
one's ever gonna put that in.
- 'Let's be honest.'
- 'Here we go, Murr.'
CDs.
[laughing]
More like "See these nuts"
because CDs
aren't secure either.
(Joe)
'Sal, you thought
that one was gonna do it'
buddy, but it didn't get him.
People who've, uh
who've stolen my identity. Now..
[music on record]
[laughing]
This is an old video we made
way back in the day.
[laughing]
[giggles]
[laughing]
And there he goes!
Oh, Sal!
- Point, Murr.
- Oh, boy.
Okay, uh, my personal experience
with ID theft.
'My identity was stolen
while I was in Guatemala.'
Uh, my life
was actually threatened.
'I had to smuggle dr*gs
for a kingpin to save my life.'
And there it is.
[laughing]
[laughing]
It was in my anus.
[laughing]
- You got him!
- Check, Sal.
Well, I mean, where else
are you gonna put the cocaine?
It's got to go there. Sal.
I..
(Joe)
'He's peeking at you
through those balloons.'
[laughing]
Identity thieves may be hiding
right in front of you.
[laughing]
You don't even, you don't know.
- 'Cling clang!'
- Ha-ha-ha..
[laughing]
- Got him again!
- That was easy.
- Cling clang.
- 'Alright, Murr's up.'
(Murray)
'Other ways
to lose your iden-titties.'
[laughing]
There's a..
Now they're out of control.
Now it's just snowballing.
Yeah, so-so this girl here is
clearly losing her iden-titties.
- 'That is it.'
- Murr wins it.
Wow. Well,
I knew Murr was gonna win.
'Sal can't handle anything.'
- Hi.
- 'How's it going?'
The goal is just not to laugh.
(Murray)
'Only Q knows the slides
that Joe has to read'
and only Joe knows the slides
that Q has to read.
Thank you so much for coming,
uh, we're here talking
to you guys
about, uh, identity theft.
- Okay. Here we go.
- Finding problematic websites.
'What do we do on the Internet?
Could it be this?'
Uh, could it be a fart rocket?
'Um, I mean, you know,
this is, this is, this is like'
"Is that what's gonna happen
to you?"
Are you gonna get out there
and people
gonna change this to be
your profile picture and
everybody, you know..
Uh, so..
He held it. He held it together.
Fine. Oh, wow. Okay. Yup.
I've successfully protected
my mother's computer
so no one can hack and steal
her identity.
Here are some of
her recent posts to prove it.
[laughing]
"Just.." This..
My mother's funny.
"Just crop-dusted the [bleep]
out of my son."
(Sal)
'Ha-ha.. Fantastic.
That's one for Joey.'
"Crab legs for lunch."
That's my mom.
- I love your mom.
- Yeah. She's great.
Alright, Joe.
This is how you feel
if you sleep in a teepee.
- Ha-ha!
- That's a laugh!
That's how you feel
if you sleep in a teepee.
'Yeah, what does that
have to do'
with identity theft?
...this has to do with identity
theft is that this guy knows
his home address is a teepee.
'So if there's a rent charge'
for an apartment in Midtown
how did that happen?
- 'Ha-ha..'
- Alright. Q's up.
Don't use
open Wi-Fi networks.
People can hack
your computer,
even your webcam.
To prove it, I hacked
my partner's, Joe, webcam
yesterday. Here is the video.
[ laughing ]
Don't use
open Wi-Fi networks.
People can hack your computer,
even your webcam.
'To prove it, I hacked
my partner's, Joe, webcam'
'yesterday. Here is the video.'
[laughing]
(Sal)
'That's another one for Q.'
You just sit around
your apartment naked, huh?
You were watching, so I'm
glad that's all you caught.
- Got him.
- Thank you. That's it.
'Q went down.'
(male narrator)
It's no laughing matter
for Sal and Q
who both land
on the loser board.
Where's the most inappropriate
place you got the giggles?
Do you remember we went
to a funeral together
and a guy in the audience,
during the funeral
his cell phone rang and it was
"The Exorcist" theme song
ringtone?
And Sal and I,
we were crying laughing.
You guys were laughing
so hard.
Yeah, that was
my grandmother's funeral.
Oh, my..
- I'm so sorry.
- That's okay.
He should have
turned his ringer off.
[laughing]
We're out and about
trying to get people to guess
which famous person
we think they look like.
But the thing is,
the person we're describing
doesn't actually exist.
The guys are gonna be giving us
the details on these cards.
If you can't get someone
to take a guess
about who we're describing,
you lose.
You know who you look like?
Rosie O'Donnell, huh?
I was gonna say
Q from "Impractical Jokers."
- But now that you mention it..
- I got it.
- I got it.
- Rosie O'Donnell.
(male narrator)
It's a joker versus joker
challenge.
I gotta say something.
You look..
You just look,
you look like that famous guy.
[grunts]
I can't remember the guy's name.
It's...
You look like the,
that R&B singer
with the abstinence tape.
What is his name?
He-he sounds familiar, though,
right?
He's the guy that..
- You misspelled turd.
- No, no.
That's with an I.
He-he's the guy that coined
the phrase,
"Yeah, yeah, nah, turd."
All the, all the kids,
all the city kids say it.
He's the guy
that f*ndled the crocodile.
Remember?
He went on vacation..
I'm-I'm recalling the details
of this guy.
He sounds familiar, though,
right?
[laughing]
Yeah, yeah, nah, turd.
- 'How about red, Murr?'
- Do you know who you look like?
Just like, by the way? I don't
know if you get this at all.
But, ah, the name
is on the tip of my tongue.
'It's the guy..
He's super famous.'
He's the boxer
with the extra cartilage.
The super-famous boxer.
You look just like him, dude.
He's the, um, he was the guy
who was found guilty
of spanking and entering.
[laughing]
Uh, it's on the tip
of my tongue.
Wanted to be cremated
before he d*ed, boys.
Before he d*ed?
He's the guy that wanted to be
cremated before he d*ed.
Do you know the guy
I'm talking about?
What's his name?
What's his name?
[laughing]
'Well, you look just like him.'
The cops are coming down hard
on spanking and entering though.
'So be careful.'
[laughing]
Hold on one second. Excuse me.
You.. Who do you..
You know who you look like?
- 'Oh, my God.'
- Right.
The famous person, you look
just like, um..
[laughing]
You look like a princess.
That's who I'm thinking of.
- A princess.
- Wow! I didn't have to get up.
[grunts]
Son of a..
Guys, this person is gonna
give me a name, no matter what.
[laughing]
- I am gonna get a name.
- Go get him, buddy!
Oh, my God.
You-you look just like, uh..
Oh, my God. You look just like
that guy. Oh, my God.
He looks like a Jewish nun.
[laughing]
Oh, my God. He gives fruitcakes
on non-holidays.
Like, you know, when you're not
supposed to get it?
He gives it, like, on May th.
[laughing]
He broke a window with his junk.
He accidentally, he ran up to it
and, oh,
it was a big accident.
He phunked with Fergie's heart.
No, no, no, no.
He funked with it.
Wh-what's his name?
You should see
where he can fit an eggplant.
Anywhere you thought.
[laughing]
Come on, man up!
He fired his mother
for insubordination.
[laughing]
He was, uh..
What's his name?
Hm.
You got $ ?
[laughing]
None of this is ringing a bell?
'Cause I feel like
I've given you
a lot to work with.
Donald Tr*mp!
That's who I'm talking about.
- It's Donald Tr*mp!
- I worked for that [bleep].
Alright, Donald.
Take care of yourself.
He earned it,
he earned it like
I've never seen him earn
anything ever.
That's how you do it.
(male narrator)
Looks like all that
Murr earned was a loss.
This is a cage
full of challenges.
These are paddles
with our names on them.
We're gonna pick a challenge
at random
and then vote on
who has to do it.
If you can't complete
the task you were voted to do
you lose!
What do you want from us?
Alright. Here we go, boys.
Could be you. Could be you.
It says,
"Kiss your own two fingers
and then get someone else
to kiss them."
[laughs]
No, that's wet. Don't touch me.
Time to vote-ski. Ready?
(all)
One, two, three.
[laughing]
Q, how about that couple
sitting down?
(Joe)
'Yeah, why don't you go
ruin their day?'
Excuse me, do you have
a, like, a penny or something
I could toss in the fountain
to make a wish?
I came all the way here
and I, and I..
Oh, man. Thank you so much.
And now comes
the awkward part.
I'm glad
I don't have to do this.
We should make him go
every turn.
[laughing]
Oh, my God. Yes. Yes.
- All hands in?
- All hands in.
- Q every time?
- Yeah.
Whoa, bonding!
(Joe)
'Turn, turn's almost over.'
You know what,
the best thing to do is like
seal it with a kiss, you know?
- Uh, no way!
- Oh!
This is an important wish.
Just saying.
You know what,
the best thing to do is like..
- 'This is the best thing.'
- 'Here it comes.'
...seal it with a kiss,
you know?
Maybe one of these, like..
- You?
- "I'm good."
This is an important wish.
Just saying.
- 'Oh, got it! He got it!'
- 'Oh!'
(Joe)
'Son of a.. I'm impressed, Q.'
'Let's hope
you keep that streak up.'
Wait. What was that?
[laughing]
Alright,
"While sensually grunting
take five pictures of a person."
[laughing]
One, two, three.
- Ha-ha-ha..
- Alright.
(Sal)
'Alright, there you go, boy. We
got you a nice little camera.'
Oh, yeah, megapixels.
(Joe)
'How about the pair of hoodies
on the fountain?'
[grunting]
[laughing]
(Murray)
'They both just looked up.'
- One.
- 'That's one.'
- This is so weird.
- Looking good.
[grunts]
- Two.
- [bleep].
You have no idea
how [bleep] hard this is.
[laughing]
Yeah, that's it.
That's the stuff.
'Yeah, three.'
[grunts]
Four.
(Sal)
'One more, Q.'
Gray hoodie, looking good.
[grunting]
- "Stop, please."
- "Stop, please."
That was five..
[cheering]
- Your turn to spin, Q.
- Alright, buddy.
You're not gonna spin?
I'll just go out there
and get this started.
Yeah, I wasn't even gonna
vote for him, to be fair.
Don't-don't-don't even
start that.
It's "Unzip someone's fly."
Oh, I lied.
I would have voted for you.
This is possibly
one of the most difficult things
he ever had to do, ever.
This is not, this is not
how this is supposed to work.
No, it's-it's perfect.
You got it, bud.
It's four friends, uh,
from high school..
[laughing]
Who t*rture each other.
If I do this, you're all
getting punished.
- You got it.
- Listen, unzip the fly.
'We'll all get punished,
except you.'
Look at this. "Unzip someone's
fly." Isn't that weird?
That's a weird thing to find,
like, just
it was just on the ground.
It says, "unzip someone's fly."
[laughs]
How you doing, buddy?
You need help with that zipper?
Nothing has to happen
between us.
It's just two dudes
unzipping each other's..
Why is he unzipping your fly?
Oh, yeah. That's actually, but..
You know..
[laughing]
Alright, hey,
have a good day, alright?
Alright,
I don't know what's going on.
This is a lot of pressure today.
(Joe)
'Right behind you.
Right behind you.'
There you go. Boom.
Ah! What's this? What's this?
Did you, did you drop this?
No. What is it?
Let's find out together.
[laughing]
"Unzip someone's fly?"
No way. No way.
Yeah, I'll unzip your fly.
I don't wanna do it any more
than you
but if you just let me do it..
- 'He's got a button fly.'
- 'Oh, no.'
- No way. No way.
- Oh..
- 'Ah!'
- Oh, my God!
- 'Oh!'
- 'You are unbeatable, man.'
(male narrator)
Murr, Joe
and Sal's plan backfired
so they're all
tonight's big losers.
Uh, the three of you lost
and now you're about to jump off
a damn cliff!
Welcome, boys, to Q Falls!
- 'Oh..'
- Oh, God.
I was gonna do something
a lot less dangerous
but the three of you's
conspired against me.
It was definitely a mistake,
yeah.
Fellas,
the alliance has fallen.
[laughing]
You reap what you sow,
my friends.
Yeah, it was Murr's idea.
No, no, no, no.
- It's just getting real.
- No. No! No!
Today we are gonna figure out
which one of you three
is my best friend.
I'm gonna be asking you a series
of questions about myself.
Each wrong answer
moves you up a spot.
- Until we're out of spots?
- 'You got to the red.'
Y-you better answer
every one right
'cause two of you
are going over..
...and one of you remains
up here as my best friend.
Let's see who's been paying
attention all these years.
'That's it. That's it.'
The woman I lost my virginity to
where is she today?
- I'm staying on the green.
- I have no idea. I've no idea.
Please reveal your answer,
Murray.
- '"Heaven?"'
- '"Heaven."'
[laughing]
Oh, my God. That's horrible.
I don't know, you know,
if she's dead or alive.
- I was less specific.
- '"Dead."'
Very similar answers. Sal?
I know who it is
and I know where she is!
- 'Yeah!'
- Prison.
- She's in prison.
- She is alive and breathing.
Gentlemen, would you two please
take one step closer
to the fall?
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- 'Prison! Prison!'
It feels nice and safe
back here.
What is my spirit animal?
I think I know
the right answer to this.
I got a good one.
Murray, what is
my spirit animal?
Your spirit animal, Q,
is the penguin.
I see, because in high school
I told you a story
that if the world ended,
I'd want to sit
on top of the Brooklyn Bridge
with a beer and a penguin
and watch it all unfold.
- Yes.
- Sal.
I'm very specific
with a baby snow leopard.
Wow, alright. Excellent.
Joseph, what is
my spirit animal?
I know,
with the kind of person you are
so it's armadillo.
Wow, you just wanna jump
right off that cliff.
No, no, hear me out!
Hear me out!
You've got a hard shell,
but you're soft on the inside.
Joe, why don't you walk on
right up there?
This is [bleep]
right up there.
(Sal)
'Look at him! Oh, man!'
[bleep] just got real.
Joe in the red circle,
in the danger zone.
I thrive under pressure.
You know this.
You do. You do.
True or false?
At a party
Dan Aykroyd once grabbed my ass.
Sal, true or false?
I feel like I would have
known about it.
- False.
- Alright. Wow.
- Murr?
- I got to say true.
- True. Joe?
- I feel like I'm with Sal.
I feel like
I would have known that story.
I'm saying it's false.
False. Grab my ass.
- No! No!
- 'Did not grab my ass.'
Murr, would you please
step forward?
Oh, my God.
Holy [bleep].
I can't jump that, man. That's..
- No way.
- It's not good.
Will you answer
something wrong?
I have a two-question buffer.
My autobiography comes out.
What is the title of it?
There's no right answer. It's
just what I like and don't like.
So, Sal,
the name of my autobiography?
"I Don't Even Have To Answer
This One."
One of you guys is going off,
so..
- On the yellow.
- Oh, man.
Alright, Murray.
"Cats And Hats,
The Brian Quinn Story."
Joe, the name
of my autobiography?
- "Q, Man, Myth, Legend."
- 'Oh, that's good.'
That is good. I like that.
I, instead of sucking up to you
went with the two things
that you love most.
Alright, Murr, you had me
until you pointed out
'that Joe was sucking up,
and then it made me think'
that doing some sort
of mind game where you were
like, playing
against the suck-up.
- No, no, no.
- 'Yes!'
So, Murr, I would like you
to take--
- No! No!
- Yes!
- It's a good answer!
- Don't try and play me.
This is a good answer!
Can I make a motion for appeal?
No! No!
- There's your appeal.
- 'Don't try and play me.'
- 'Friend.'
- Jump! Jump! Jump!
Oh, my God.
Ha-ha-ha!
His knees are shaking.
I can't do it.
I can't do it. I can't do it.
Oh!
Oh, [bleep].
[laughing]
It's freaking cold!
[laughing]
One down, boys. Focus.
How many fingers
am I holding up?
Between one and five, boys.
Between one and five.
- Alright.
- Let's do it together.
- Okay.
- Like a Band-Aid.
- Ready?
- One, two, three.
Yeah!
Wish you weren't cocky now!
- Whoa!
- Get up on the red circle!
- Aw..
- Salvatore.
Why did I do that?
Holy [bleep].
- We're both touching red.
- It all comes down to this.
This is it.
Without going over..
What is
my highest bowling score?
'Sal.'
I didn't want to go over
and I didn't know
so I price-is-righted it.
- That's so cheap.
- "Price Is Right."
- Wow.
- I'm not over.
I'm-I'm a bowler, and I've been
bowling with you once.
.
It was . It was ! !
[laughing]
Bowling for dollars.
Best friends forever!
Best friends forever!
Jump, you wuss!
We're going to get hot dogs.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I can't even get to the edge.
- Can I give you a hint?
- Yeah.
Don't hit the rocks.
I'm [bleep] scared.
- Go.
- Alright.
You mother [bleep]!
[laughing]
[laughing]
Alright, boys.
We'll see you later.
Me and my BFF,
we're gonna catch a flick.
02x21 - The Alliance
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.