03x15 - The Trouble with Troubadour

[bunniefuu]

Look at what the hotel sent us.

Are you as appalled as I am?

Oh, you got to be kidding me.

Forget appalled,I'm shocked.
This is so unfair.

-You don't get it.
-I haven't got a clue.

It's our room confirmation for valentine's
day, just read the part I highlighted.

Junior suite, partial ocean view.

Partial, I reserved a full ocean view.

Damn it, tell them to get
the hose and fill that ocean.

You make fun, but trust me a partial
ocean view isn't nearly as romantic.

Not if we're having sex, and you're
complaining that you can't see the ocean.

So then we agree.

Yes, this is Greg Montgomery...

I have a reservation for
a full ocean view room...

but your confirmation letter
says partial ocean view.

Yes, I'll hold.

Don't make him cry, honey.

Yes.

Since it was your mistake,
I think an apology would be in order.

He's going to cry, just like that woman
from the gas company.

Apology accepted.

Full ocean, terrific.
And what's your name?

Well, Jeffrey, I hate to tell you,
you're running a sloppy operation...

but I also noticed you
don't have my credit card number.

Yes, three seven two seven...

can you hold on a sec.

Hello!

Yes, she is. Who may says calling?

Say it again.

Hold please!

Jeffrey, I have to call you back.
Bob Dylan's on the other line.

Why would I make that up?

Bob Dylan I have Dharma for you.

I'm her husband Greg.

Hey Roberto, how's it blowing?

Well, that depends.

Who made that decision
Bob's heart, or Bob's head?

How do you know Bob Dylan?

-Didn't I tell you?
-No.

Bob, hold on a sec.

Ok, remember when I was playing
drums in that garage band?

No, no talk to Bob Dylan.

Could you get the door, honey?

Yeah...

sure...

Sorry Bob, go on.

No, that's fine.
I'm happy to talk to any of your friends.

As long as they understand
that I only offer suggestions...

they're the ones that change their lives.

No you're so cool.

No, you're so cool.

Dharma!

Lyle Lovett's here.

Tell her Bob send me.

I've been having a hard time lately
regarding some personal matters.

And Bob said
if I was ever in San Francisco...

your wife was the person to talk to you.

What?

Hi Lyle...

I'm Dharma.

Hi.

I know I should have called...

I hope this isn't a bad time.

Well, my husband and I were just
leaving for the weekend.

Dharma!

Wait!

Ok, could you excuse us
for a moment, Mr Lovett.

-Call me Lyle.
-Lyle.

Lyle Lovett.

-Be right back, make yourself at home.
-Lyle.

Look, I have no idea what's going on here.

But do you really think that
leaving now is the right thing to do?

We have plans and
he did show up unannounced.

I mean it's a little rock star rude...

don't you think he'll hear you.

Come on, Lyle Lovett's in there...

he's all screwed up,
and he needs your help.

Come on, how great is that.

- I can talk to him on Monday.
-What if he's all better by Monday?

Then, I guess, one of us
will be happy for him.

We can't take that chance.

I'll just call the hotel and tell them
we're running a little bit late.

-OK.
-Call me if he starts singing.

Yes, is this Jeffrey? Yeah, this is
Greg Montgomery we just spoke.

Yes, the gentleman who had to take
an urgent call from the Beatles.

How can I help you Mr Montgomery?

I just wanted to let you know
we're running a little late...

and I just wanted to be sure
you'd hold the room.

Mr. Montgomery, you don't have a room.

What do you mean?

Well even a sloppy operation like
ours requires a confirmed reservation.

Without one and we were compelled
to give your room away.

But I have a confirmed reservation,
I gave you my credit card card number.

No, I believe you're in the middle
of giving your credit card number...

when Neil Diamond phoned.

Come on Jeff, I'm sure you've got
another room in the place somewhere.

It's Jeffray.

Let's see, you gave me
a partial credit card number...

why don't I reciprocate
with a partial ocean view.

That'll be fine.

We will be there later tonight.

We'll leave a Latton for you.

It's funny I've got everything
a man could ask for...

and yet I feel this hole inside.

-This emptiness.
-Go on.

And nobody really knows because
I hide behind this big happy face.

Hey Lyle...

can I get you something to drink?
How about a tall frosty one?

Sure, that'd be great.

You got it partner.

Maybe it's physical.

Are you getting enough rest?
Do you sleep well?

Like a bass player.

This ought to wash the dust
off of those spurs.

-Thank you.
-Look I don't want to embarrass you...

but I am a huge fan. I'm going way back
like before anybody liked you.

Thank you.

Honey, Lyle has some stuff he wants
to talk about and it's kind of personal.

This thing that's bothering you now?
Do you think...

-you'll turn it into one of your songs?
-Greg.

-Could you give us a few minutes?
-Oh sure.

I have you on vinyl, you know records.

He's a big fan.

There was a time
when the adulation of others...

was all I needed to get through the night.

Well, good morning.
It's time for Lyle to love himself.

Sorry to interrupt, I just...

I wanted to show you this.

I took lessons when I was a kid.

You know, in camp.

At camp.

Yeah, you pick two sports and one art.

You know, I did a swimming,
archery and a...

guitar.

Here.

It's very nice.

You can have it if you want.

Okay.

I want to be happy like him.

Look at my guitar,
I got it at camp. Idiot.

Little Inn at the Cove, may I help you?

Mr Montgomery, thank goodness.
We were getting worried about you.

Jeffrey, it looks like we're not
gonna make it tonight.

Oh well, It's still early for you lovers.

We have a list of couples
just waiting for your room.

-So, you won't be charged.
-We're not cancelling.

You're not cancelling
but you're not coming.

Well, we're just an enigma wrapped
in a riddle at Mr. Montgomery.

We'll be there tomorrow.

Oh I'm sorry the valentine's package
requires a minimum three nights stay.

These are special circumstances, I've
got Lyle Lovett crying in my living room.

Really, no.

Was it something that Bob said to him?

Look, charge me now
for all three nights...

and we'll be there
first thing in the morning.

Very well Mr Montgomery, and if I'm not
at the front desk in the morning...

do feel free to talk to our day manager.

The late great Mr Yul Brynner.

Morning doggies.

Did you guys eat a cowboy?

My point is...

the music industry can suck the life
right out of you, and I know.

I used to work at Sam Goody.

They so stifled his creativity.

It was all about selling records.

Nothing's changed.

-Morning.
-Good morning.

-Hey Greg, hey!
-What are you doing here?

House sitting, what are you doing here?

Greg, you have to try Lyle's flapjacks.

He's making them in the shape of animals.

You get rabbits. Thanks.

Excuse me.

In ...

I said to Mr Goody...

not his real name.

That someday all music will be
sold electronically over the internet.

You knew about the internet in ?

Only I didn't call it the internet then.

I called it the world hive brain.

They said he was crazy.

Dharma, wake up.

What?

Lyle loves making breakfast
for your parents in the kitchen.

I thought I smelt pancakes.

Why is he still here?

Oh it was late and he crashed
on the couch.

He slept on the couch?

He's a musician,
they can sleep curled up in a sink.

This is a real big breakthrough for him.

-What is it?
-The pancake.

Did he have a fear of pancakes?

He's an artist, he lived in his head.

So I started by
encouraging him to do simple chores...

you know like cooking.

That he could find his way
back to the present moment.

Which is where happiness is.

I guess in the context of the things
that have happened since I met you...

that makes sense.

Morning boys,
you fellas ready for some pancakes?

I want Lyle to spend a little more time
here, so can we leave later for the hotel.

I kind of I paid for all three nights.

But how often do you get
to hang out with Lyle Lovett.

Thank you.

Whatever you do,
don't talk about his music.

-You're kidding?
-No.

And don't bring up the movies,
that's a real bugaboo.

But...

without that he's just some
skinny guy making pancakes.

Exactly.

But you have to let him
figure that out for himself.

I wonder what I could get
for this on eBay?

Hey!

Hey!

-Did you get a new job?
-Nope.

But you know what's really cool?

Come in here cut up some
cheese and hand it out.

Nobody stops you.

Ooh tasty!

I thought you and Greg
were going away for the weekend.

Well, we're still going.
I'm just helping out a friend of mine.

I got the yams.

Oh no, honey, those are sweet potatoes.

-Aren't they the same thing?
-No sir.

-Is that Lyle Lovett?
-Yeah.

Weird.

I know you, you think a grown man
would know the difference...

between a sweet potato and a yam.

This says dry clean only.

Cold water, delicate cycle, drip dry.

You can do that.

Who's gonna stop you.

Live and learn.

Dharma, I can't tell you
how much fun I'm having...

just doing simple everyday things again.

-No, I'm having fun too.
-Good that makes me happy.

We're both happy.

-Happy happy.
-Slappy happy.

Slappy happy bappy.

Slappy happy pappy...

you know, maybe we ought to
open a window...

if we're going to keep working
with this piney stuff.

Slappy happy piney hiney...

we'll definitely be there for dinner.

Would it...
would it be possible to get a...

a table with a view?

What about a partial view?

We're nice-looking people,
you're gonna want us in the dining room.

Fine...

whatever you have.

-Hey Greg?
-Yeah.

Is it possible I just saw...

popular country singer Lyle Lovett
sweeping your carpet?

No.

Okay.

Now you have
the number of where we're gonna be.

On the refrigerator.

Don't hesitate to call.

-I won't.
-He'll be fine.

Oh honey, there's not a lot
of food in the house give him dollars.

I'm okay.

You two go have a great valentine's,
and don't worry about me.

Don't forget to write
in your feelings journal.

I feel kind of silly doing that.

You feel silly?

I guess I should write that down.

That's my boy.

Bye.

Dharma!

Could you explain all this to me again.

-Explain what?
-Well, just...

start at Bob Dylan and I'll stop you
when it makes sense.

Jeffrey...

we're on our way.

Just the two of you?

Or should I set up a roll away in case
the irrepressible Rachel Moreno drops by?

You're a very funny man.

Listen, I know the dining room
stops serving at nine.

Is there any way that you
could get them to wait for us?

No, not really.

What if we order now...

and we put it on my credit card?

That way it's paid for, no matter what.

Well, I suppose.

Valentine's dinner comes with a choice
of Chilean sea bass or rack of lamb.

One of each.

Very good.

I think you'll enjoy it.

Our guest chef this
evening is the divine Miss M.

Another good one.

See you soon.

Well, we're all set.

Good.

Lyle's gonna be fine, right?

Yes, of course.

I got you the sea bass.

Did you leave him the cell phone number?
I think so.

You think, or you know?
He'll be fine.

Yeah, he'll be fine.

Are you still disappointed the
weekend didn't work out?

I wanted it to be romantic for you.

You know candlelight dinner, ocean view.

Or...

partial ocean view.

How's this for a partial view?

Why do I ever leave the house?

Lyle Lovett's playing my guitar.

♪ I was a very young man... ♪

And singing.

It's like our own private concert.

♪ I made some pancakes. ♪

-What was wrong with the first song?
-I don't know.

-He sounds like he quit.
-Come on.

I wonder what camp he went to.

Dharma!

Does...

does Lyle Lovett live with us now?

Honey, you're the one
who wanted him to stay.

Yeah for a really cool evening
of singing and storytelling, but...

I didn't think that I'd be waking up to
the sound of him gargling in my bathroom.

-Morning.
-Hi Lyle.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

-I'll leave.
-No, no. Both of you.

I really appreciate the time I spent here.

I feel recharged.

Like I've got a new set of tools
to build a...

a stronger happier Lyle.

You're leaving, aren't you?

Afraid so.

I'm just going to pack up my stuff.

Oh Greg, I signed those CDs for you.

Oh, thank you.

And I put them back in alphabetical order
like you had them.

Right between Loverboy and Luau favorites.

Oh man, he's leaving.

Come on let's see him off.

Oh, my little birdie's ready to fly.

Remember...

when life seems overwhelming
and like nothing makes sense...

I know.

Yard work.

Oh, good!

I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you too.

Listen Dharma, if a friend
of mine needed your help...

it'd be all right if I hooked
the two of you up wouldn't it?

Absolutely.

Good, because I was talking to
a buddy of mine last night.

Good morning, who's ready for breakfast?

K D Lang?

And I took the liberty of getting her
started on the program.

Listen to this woman.
She's very wise.

That's what Bob said.

When you make her bed,
hospital corner's on his side only.

Greg, I want to thank you
for making me feel at home.

Anytime Lyle.

Come here cowboy.

I might just write a song about all this.

-I knew it. Remember when I said it?
-You said it honey.

Remember, a lot of stuff rhymes with Greg.

Hi, I'm Dharma.

Kitty.

Oh you're in a lot of pain aren't you?

Oh, that's good, let it all out.

I'll be in the bedroom.

I can't...

stop...

buying shoes.

Hello!

My son informed me that he paid
for a holiday package...

and there's one night left.

Let me guess you are the proud parents
of Mr Gregory Montgomery?

Well, I'm proud,
but there's no pleasing her.

Well, I'm afraid I've got some very bad
news for you, I've given this room away.

Oh dear lord, to whom?

Just some friends of his,
perhaps you know them.

King Farooq, and the queen of Sheba.

Do you have two single rooms?