04x22 - How This Happened

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dharma & Greg". Aired: September 24, 1997 – April 30, 2002.
Free-spirited Dharma, a yoga instructor and dog trainer, meets and falls for polar opposite Greg, a Harvard-educated U.S. attorney.
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04x22 - How This Happened

Post by bunniefuu »

Who is this man?

Larry Finkelstein! This is the DEA!

Come out with your hands behind your head!

How did this happen?

Ed, does your company own this lot?

We own the whole block except for that
lunatic it has the key shack.

How big do you think it is?

Where are you going with this?

I'm just thinking that this would be
the perfect place for a community gardener.

I don't think so,
this is very valuable real estate.

But it's empty,
people could grow vegetables.

Kitty, wouldn't this be the perfect place
for your garden club

to showcase their beautiful roses.

I suppose it would.

Edward we're turning this
into a community garden.

Good idea, I like it.

Dharma, are you sure this is something
you want to be doing?

It's a garden honey,
what would be the harm?

I don't know.

Just have a funny feeling about it.

How This Happened?

- Hey, it's looking great.
- Thanks.

What you doing here?

I was having lunch
with a client around the corner

- and I know how much you like these.
- Thank you.

Where'd you get all the dirt?

Found it in the ground.

- Amazing.
- Always the last place you look.

Why don't you go put on some
old clothes and come join us?

I'm... not really into gardening.

- Ever try?
- Well, no.

You should.

Get your mind off work,
it's a great way to unwind.

You know what, maybe I will.

Little nature, little back to
the earth be good for me.


Maybe I'll hit the hammer slimmer website,

and see if they can overnight
that -piece garden tool set to me.

I'll see you later.

Boy, when you unwind you don't fool around.

Hey Dharma!

- Hey Larry, what you got there?
- What's it look like?

Little plants?

And if anyone asks,
that's what you tell them.

Dharma, check this out.

Phil, you're here.

Kathy and Lena are here.

- And Larry you're back in the corner.
- Perfect.

Kitty, you get the front section
as you requested.

Wait! She get the whole front section?

We are planting prize roses,
they need the sun, they cannot be crowded.

She take it because
her husband company on the land.

Susan, if we sow jealousy in our garden
we're only going to reap bitter fruit.

Fine, but how come
she's not doing any of the work?

Because her husband's company
owns the land.

Oh my God! How much is in there?


This is a deposit slip
from montgomery industries from .

Well, I guess we know
how the losers weepers are.

- We have to return this.
- No we don't, we're the finders keepers.

Would you look at that? March .

, dollars, I bet you're glad
to get that back, huh?

No you bet.

You know, when my cat ran away,

we offered a $ reward
and she wasn't particularly worth anything.

That's not true, pet gives you love,
you can't put a price on that.

Ed, you were here, do you remember
somebody losing this money?

There was a fella that worked here, he
got fired for stealing a petty cash deposit

had some crazy story about...

being chased by a dog
and dropping it somewhere.

So he was telling the truth.

I guess about dropping the deposit,
but it's just his word about the dog.

You know, my neighbors lost their dog
and it was returned.

They gave the people $
and they hadn't even posted a reward.

Don't you wish there could be
more people like that.

I want a reward.

Poor guy, spending all these years
accused of a crime he didn't commit.

We should go find him
and tell him the good news.

I got a better idea.

Let's find him, tell him we have
good news and see what it's worth to it.

I think I can take it from here.

Greg would k*ll me if he found out
I left you here alone.

This place attracts a pretty rough crowd.

- Hey!
- Hey Jimmy!

What do you got this cold?

My ex-wife.

Excuse me, I was told that
there's an Earl Tucker

who comes in here sometimes,
do you know him?

Can one really know another human being?

She's Okay.

He's over there.


Want some chicken wings?

Chicken wings? It's ten o'clock
in the morning.


I'm Dharma, are you Earl?

That depends.

I am if there's a drink in it for me.

You have a drink already.

I'm planning for my future.

Did you work at montgomery industries
years ago?


Now guess my way.

You have been very hard
to track down, mister.

The only address I had was your sister
and when I brought up your name

I guess I don't have to tell you
the two of you have issues.

You really should try and find
some common ground

and rebuild your relationship.

She's a nasty old drunk.

There you go.

The fat tony send you?

Because you can tell him
to save himself the trouble.

I'll break my kneecaps for myself.

The money from Montgomery Industries
years ago...

we found it.

Good for you.

You didn't steal it you're innocent.

Good for me.

Is that all you're gonna say?

You spent your whole life accused of
something you didn't do, you're cleared.


Why don't we get out and go grab a bite
to eat? It's a beautiful day out there.

It's day?

Yeah, I guess it would be.

- Hey Jimmy.
- Yeah.

Could you put
a little orange juice in this?

- Larry!
- Just stay where you are.

I'll come out.

What's up?

I brought you ladybugs to help fight
the aphid problem.

- Thanks.
- How's it going in there?

Fine, fine.
Why do you ask?

You just kind of got it all blocked off.

That's for shade.

- But it's open on top.
- That's for sun.

Thanks for stopping by.

Thanks for having me.

I just aerated the soil there.


Are you enjoying this? Are you relaxing?

Oh yeah, absolutely.

- Mr montgomery?
- Right here.

Hey I'm Alvin Moore
from UC Davis, you call?

Yes, for soil analysis.

You can start right over here.

This is your farm?

I tested the ph myself at red normal
but I don't like the moisture content.

Is this your only farm?

We wanted to be near my folks,
they got to spread right over yonder.

Listen Alvin, I've got a big problem.
I'm losing a lot of my soluble nutrients.

I think that's the least of your
problems, honey.

All right, get your ladybugs,
fresh hungry ladybugs.

Thank you Dharma.

Hey, what do you think Larry's
got going on in there?

He's quiet, he's happy,
let's not rock the boat.

Are you having any luck
with that guy who lost the money?

Oh earl, no.

I keep going over to talk to him
but he won't talk to me.

There's a lot of anger there.

Cause he was falsely accused.
Well, also a little cause of me.

You've been drinking
all day the last thing you want

is a giant blonde chick jumping
out of your bushes when you come home.

Hey! What you doing?

What does it look like we're doing?
We're spraying for the damn day fits.

We got the ladybugs.

Don't worry, if we have any
leftover, I'll get to them too.

What is that smell?

Is that poison?

Kitty, this is unacceptable.

You can't spray chemicals in our garden.

May I remind you who owns this land.

It always comes down to that.


What is wrong with you guys?

Do I have to remind you
that this is a community garden.

Let's start acting like a community.

Kitty, give the
ladybugs a chance to do their work.

And if we need to
we'll use organic pesticides.

Everyone else get off Kitty's back, she's
different she doesn't know any better.

That's true, Dharama. We're sorry.

Thank you.

Hey jimmy.
Hey Dhrama.

Jeffy, Lefty, Mrs Paschek.

Is Earl around?

He said something about going to france
to study cooking at the cardone blue.

Hey Jemmy, you didn't hire a bathroom
lieutenant you might want to call a cop.

Hey Earl.

Oh! She's back.

Have I ever told you how much I've enjoyed
your little visits these past few weeks?

No, you haven't.

Guess why?

Hey listen...

I did a little nosing around.

You're kidding, you?

- Yeah.
- Good.

You know you were a pretty well-liked guy
at the company.

Well I'm just a regular miss congeniality.

You know, there's no reason you
can't get back on your feet.

You just hit a little bump in the road.

Bump in the road?

Bump in the road?!

Let me tell you something.

It's pretty hard
to find your top accounting positions

when people think you're a thief.

I lost my house, my career

my fiance

the only woman that ever mattered to me.

My dog died,

I mean not then but later.

Sorry, I didn't know.

Now you do.

I understand you've been
through some terrible things,

but do you really want to spend
the rest of your life sitting in this bar.

You know.

I never really thought of it that way.

I think I do, yes.

So that's it hon, you want me to go.

You're saying there's no reason
for me to ever come back here.

Did you ever...

try one of those pickled eggs
in the jar over there?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Then I guess there's no reason
for you to ever come back.

OK, look, if you really want me to leave...

I'll leave.

I really want you to leave.

Now see, you say that,
I don't think you really want me to go.

It's on the house.

Hi! Is this Jeanette Mcdougall
who used to be Jeanette O'hara,

who was engaged to Earl Tucker

a beloved accountant
at montgomery industries years ago,

and as it turns out
was falsely accused of a crime.

Oh no, ok. Thank you.

You might want to shorten your rap.

Really, people seem to like it.

Anyway that was the wrong genetic doodle.

Who's next? Let's see, that brings us
to miss Genetic Mcdougall.

Have you seen my box
of drip irrigation regulators?

Yeah, I put them on the bed next to
your sun hat and japanese gardening pants.


They're comfortable when you garden.

Relax Greg, I own japanese
gardening pants myself.

- You do?
- Yeah right.

Hey, you know who I feel like calling?

Jeanette Mcdougall.

- AI for me.
- This is pretty exciting.

Hi, is this the Jeanette Mcdougall,
who used to be Janette O'hara

who was engaged to Earl Tucker

who is a beloved accountant at Montgomery
Industries years ago

and as it turns out
was falsely accused of a crime.


OK, let me ask you another question,

did my rap seem overly long to you?


Here, tell my friend.

- Who is it?
- Jeanette Mcdougall.

So I am right, this is my property line.

You a crazy lady,

it's a pumpkin vine. It doesn't know
where it's growing.

Young lady, I suggest you hold your tongue
or I'll hold it for you.

What's going on here?

Her pumpkin vine is choking out
my climbing at my flowers.


your father cut off the water to my plot,

runs into his plot and it doesn't run out.

Oh geez, larry.

Larry's not here.

You trespassed.

- My pumpkin trespassed.
- So you admit it.

Mrs Montgomery?

Russell, what are you doing here?
Where's your father?

He doesn't handle the gardening lawsuits.

- Hold on, you hired a lawyer?
- I certainly did.

And he is going to make you rue the day

that you ever planted
these misshapen little pumpkins.

Mrs. Montgomery, let me handle this.

Fine, handle it.

Mrs Wong, I'm russell gottlieb.

It's miss wong.


Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

It's a great idea.

He's gonna be blown away when he sees you.

Are you sure he's not dating anybody?

Pretty sure, yeah.

Hi Earl!

Oh god!

Do you remember Jeanette?

Hi you.

Hi you.

Know earl jeannette's single.

Buried four husbands.

And only three of them are d*ad.

Nice to see you.

What are you doing?

You have no right messing
in other people's lives.

I just thought of the two of you...

you thought I'd want her
to see me this way.

I think you look just fine, Earl.

Do you mind if I sit down?

It's a free country.

- Maybe you should go sweetie.
- OK.

How'd you do that?

Wait till you taste these cherry tomatoes
right off the vine.


what happened here?

There were some problems,
but I had the guy from UC Davis back out

and he suggested that I change fertilizers.

Hey Dharma.

Earl, look at you you look great.

Clean and sober,

drunk on love.

- You keep saying that.
- Greg this is earl and jeanette.

Nice to meet you.

Taste this and tell me if it's not
the best cherry tomato you've ever had.

There he is.

I just wanted you to
know what your son has been up to

since the day he showed up,
consorting with the enemy.

Dad, Hi, I was just taking a deposition.

A deposition?
That's what I am?

You never going to tell him?
Tell me what?


this is the woman I love,
we're getting married.

Before I say what I'm about to say,

is there any possible chance you're jewish?

Jeanette, have you ever tasted
jicama right out of the ground?

So Earl, what are you doing here?

Well, I was thinking about what you said,

about reclaiming my dignity.

This is very good.
Wait till you try my snap piece.

Anyway, I thought about what you said and
I realized that I can't move past this

until I sue Ed Montgomery
for every last damn cent he's got.

- What?!
- Yeah.

I have met a lawyer in rehab

wrongful termination,

defamation of character,

lost employment,

Hi Dharma!

Hey, looks good.

Hey you!

Guess who?

Who is this man?

You're Ed Montgomery, right?
- Yes, I'm Ed Montgomery, what do you want?

Larry Finkelstein! This is the DEA!

Get down and put your hands
behind your head.

You'r not getting my zucchini.

Not to the guinness book, people see it.

I have my rights.

How did this happen?
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