06x06 - Footloose

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up,
what's got Q on the case?

Are you here,
Secret Agent Randy Beans?

[ Laughter ]

Narrator: Why is Murr being
a grim reacher?

The first breast I grabbed
was in a coffin.

[ Laughter ]

And which losing joker
will get a taste of defeat

in tonight's punishment?

Man: Aah!

Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

[ Laughter ]

Murr:
I want my mommy!

[ Laughter ]

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

[ Laughter ]

We're back at it today,
working as a receptionist

checking people
into their appointments.

Cranges McBasketball.

Except all the crazy names
we have to call out

have been written
by the other guys.

The goal is to read
these crazy names

without laughing.

Mr. or Mrs. McBasketball.

Whoever laughs the least wins.

Cranges.

[ Laughter ]

Murr: Joseph, that's
a sensible, nice blazer.

-It doesn't fit me anymore.
-Can't tell from here.

-You're looking good.
-That's 'cause I'm sitting down

and I cut the back off it.

[ Laughter ]

Here we go.

So, everybody's here
for focus groups, right?

So, we're just gonna
call out some names.

You hear your name,
just come up

and then we'll send you
to the appropriate room.

Glagadeen Capisce.

[ Laughter ]

Glagadeen Capisce.

[ Laughter ]

Minty Hummer.

[ Chuckling ]
Who wrote Minty Hummer?

[ Laughter ]
Minty.

No.

Church Pewpewpew.

Church Pewpewpew.

Coolie Whistles.

[ Laughter ]

Coolie Whistles?

Lumpy Dumper.

[ Laughter ]

Lumpy Dumper, no?

It must be the : .

[ Laughter ]

[ Sighs ]

This is a mouthful, this one.

Fidelroyolanda
Smackonmytiddyboosters III.

[ Laughter ]

Maybe the III is a typo.

Fidelroyolanda
Smackonmytiddyboosters II?

[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

-That's a laugh!
-That's a laugh!

-I don't care.
-Yeah, that's a laugh!

Disfatt Bidge.

[ Laughter ]

Disfatt Bidge.

[ Laughter ]

Q: Here we go, here we go.
Here we go, here we go.

Hold me up. Hold me up.
Hold me up.

[ Laughter ]

Uncle Boobs.

[ Laughter ]

Uncle Boobs.

Joe: There he is,
hard at work.

[ Laughs ]

His computer screen's
not even on.

[ Laughter ]

Murr: You guys are all here
for the focus group?

I'm just gonna go
through the names.

If you're in the group,
come on up.

Here we go.

[ Laughter ]

Ms. Doodat? D-Doodat?

Diddy Doodat.

No?

Uh, Ms. McNamara?

Is there a Cleavage McNamara.

[ Laughter ]

We got him.

What the he-- none
of these names are right.

Queen Skeet?

[ Laughter ]

They have the wrong group, here.

Hey, Terrence, none of
these people are here.

Is there a Yanni Van Halen?

[ Laughter ]

No?

Is there
a Colonel Indiana Longnuts?

[ Laughter ]

Does anyone here
have the rank of colonel?

Sir, Colonel Longnuts?

[ Laughter ]

None of these are right.

Jabreakit -- [ Laughs ]

Jabreakit Jubawdit?

Is there a Jabreakit here?

Jabreakit Jubawdit? No?
It's not the right group.

What? I don't get it.

[ Chuckling ] Gregory Poo--
Gregory Poopsicle.

Gregory?

[ Laughter ]

Got him again!

Gregory Poopsicle?
This is...

Terrence, it's not
the right group.

-Oh, here we go.
-How you doing, guys?

Q: Just sit tight. When you hear
your name, just let me know.

♪

[ Sighs ]

[ Laughs ]

Stunk Beagle?

[ Laughter ]

No? Okay.

[ Laughs ]
[ Laughs ]

Irish O'African?

[ Laughter ]

Is there a Irish O'African?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

There it is!
Got him!

Got a Cowabunga Peppermill?

[ Laughter ]

-Cowabunga Peppermill?
-No.

Oh, Indian, yes.
Simmy Kantstandyourbitz Jr.

[ Laughter ]

Is there a
Simmy Kantstandyourbitz Jr.?

Henny Cabbagehead. Henny?

[ Laughter ]

Henny Cabbagehead?

Terrence,
the list that you gave me,

is this for everybody,
or are we just --

no, because they're
looking for a Guy Hutookatit.

Guy?

[ Laughter ]

No, there's no Guy Hutookatit
up here.

[ Laughter ]

Got a

[ Chuckling ] Sharty Waffles?

[ Laughter ]

A Sharty Waffles? No.

All right, let me just get
through these, I guess.

We got [ Chuckles ]

That's another one!

Secret [ Chuckles ]

Secret Agent Randy Beans.

[ Laughter ]

Are you here,
Secret Agent Randy Beans?

Yeah, I guess you
wouldn't let me know

if you were
Secret Agent Randy Beans.

Imafraid Jumitebeeinnagang.

Imafraid?
Imafraid Jumitebeeinnagang?

[ Laughter ]
Imafraid Jumitebeeinnagang?

Joe: How'd he get
through that one?

-That's you?
-Kenneth.

Kenneth,
they're ready for you.

[ Laughter ]

Joe: And the man
who's the worst at this game

out of anyone I know.

[ Laughter ]

Murr: Here we go.

Are you using a stapler
as a mouse, you moron?

You idiot!

It's a stapler,
not a mouse.

You are pretty,
but stupid.

[ Stifled laugh ]

Got him.

There he is.
There's one.

Nabi Cankles?

[ Laughter ]

Nabi Cankles?
No, nobody?

Not here.

[ Laughter ]

Reverend Donk Bonkers?

[ Laughter ]

There's -- I mean, you have
to e-mail me a new list.

This is not --
next they want Real Hefty Trout.

Is there a Real Hefty Trout?

[ Laughter ]

Eyeluvver Butterdogsheds?

[ Laughter ]

Eyeluvver?

I don't know
what's going on here.

Is there a Jerry Seinfeld?

[ Laughter ]

Is Jerry Seinfeld here?

I was supposed to be in
at : .

Are you
Mark-Pat Joe-Bill Dinosaur?

[ Laughter ]

Wasda?

Wasda Deelwifkramer?

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, I think you
gave me the : group.

If you just e-mail it,
then I'll -- Yeah,

because then I'll call
the : group.

What are you,
going for an Oscar?

Pacino, put the phone down.
Let's go.

Okay. Hoo-ah.

[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

Yeah! Yeah!

Murr:
Try to deliver this one.

Yeah! Yeah!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

Joe: Yeah! Yeah!

I mean, that's a laugh
if I ever saw one.

Hufokkin Tonight?

[ Laughter ]

Is there a Tonight?
Mr. or Mrs. Tonight?

Just raise your hand,
Hufokkin Tonight.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

That's a laugh.

Mother...

Joe: Take a breath,
that's right.

-Say it!
-He's crying.

-Open your stupid mouth...
-What is...

You're literally
melting out there.

Mother Coconuts?

[ Laughter ]

Mother Coconuts.

[ Laughter ]

[ Keyboard clacking ]

"This...list...is...wrong.

Sal."

[ Laughter ]

Narrator: This was no
laughing matter for Joe,

so the other three jokers
are up on the loser board.

Today, we're in the park
getting strangers

to help us create
our online dating profile.

The catch is,
what we're showing them

has been created
by the other guys.

Once we present the profiles,

we'll ask them to rate them
on a scale from to .

Whoever gets
the lowest score loses,

and I wore a pink shirt
today.

I thought it was salmon.
Salmon.

Q: Here he goes.

Joe: It's a beautiful day
in the park

to be working on
your dating profile.

Murr really is
the only one who's online.

Yeah, on online
dating services.

He knows what it's like to
reach out, not get a reply.

[ Laughter ]

Hey -- Hey, girls?
I hate to bug you.

I need a woman's opinion.

I'm filling out
a dating profile.

Could you give me your honest
opinion of my answers?

Okay, uh, just --
James, that's me.

My self summary --

"I ate a whole wet newspaper
for a TV talent show

that never aired."

So, I thought that would
be something

cool and different
about me.

Oh, it's no joke.

Yeah, I didn't mean
it as a joke.

I meant it seriously.
I'm actually pretty proud of it.

[ Laughter ]

"On a typical
Friday night, I am..."

I wrote "eating ribs
in the tub, baby,

and there's room
for one more."

[ Laughter ]

I was trying to be a little
flirty, there, you know?

It's cute.

She is done giving
real feedback.

"The most private thing
I'm willing to admit" --

"The first breast I grabbed
was in a coffin."

[ Laughter ]

My grandmother,
when she passed away,

I reached out
and I touched her boob.

Sal, Q, and Joe: Ohh!

That's not written.
That part's not written.

You think it's too much?

[ Laughter ]

On a scale of to ,
how datable am I?

Probably an .

?
Oh, you got
to be kidding me.

Why do you say that?

All right.

[ Laughter ]

Do you girls want to
help a fella out

with his dating profile app?

Yeah? Yeah, it's quick.

It's asking me
for my self summary.

It says, "They removed
a lump from me

and now everything flows
where it should."

[ Laughter ]

I'm also a diehard
Yankee fan.

Flip it? Flip it.

Flip it, yeah.
Flip it. Flip it.

On a typical Friday night,

I am playing at Skank Row
with my band the Fart Trio.

I'm on drums.

[ Laughter ]

So I'm musical,
so I guess that's nice.

Girls like that?

[ Laughter ]

The most private thing
I'm willing to admit --

I left a man for dead
in a cave once.

[ Laughter ]

There was, uh,
a spelunking situation.

[ Laughter ]

I'm really good at --
I can tell if any person

is an Asian woman
from behind.

[ Laughter ]

No?

And the last one
I have here is it says,

"What would you do with an
unexpected bonus from your job?"

And I wrote,
"Go ape-[bleep] at Lids."

[ Laughter ]

The hat store!

I try to budget myself,

but I would just
straight-up ape-[bleep]

[ Laughter ]

He's not even
wearing a hat now.

He never wears hats.

On a scale of to ,
how datable do you think I'd be?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, she's Asian.

[ Laughter ]

Just give me a number.

-Ohh!
- . .

I got some work to do,
though, clearly, right?

Okay.

[ Laughter ]

Excuse me. I'm trying to
fill out a dating profile.

Yeah?

And I would love
a female perspective

on some of answers.

Yeah?

Joe: Here we go.

The first thing
that people notice about me

is my dead eyes.

I hear that a lot.

[ Laughter ]

What I'm doing with my life --
I make teeth for things.

Teeth, yeah.
It's like taxidermy.

Like when they stuff
a giraffe or something,

I put dentures in.

Ah, okay.

Only teeth, though.

[ Laughs ]

Uh, the most private thing
I'm willing to admit...

[ Laughter ]

Uh, the most private thing
I'm willing to admit...

♪

Uh, the most private thing
I'm willing to admit...

[ Laughter ]

Every other Sunday,
I drive upstate

and leave tuna
in my ex's mailbox.

Tuna?

'Cause it stinks.
And so does she.

It is a little too honest.

A little too honest?

My life motto is, uh,
"Cowabunga, sluts."

[ Laughter ]

I think that's good.

That's okay?
Oh, great, perfect.

[ Laughter ]

On a scale from to ,
how datable is this guy?

Like a ?
A ?

- ! All right!
-Okay, all right.

I can deal with that.

[ Laughter ]

Excuse me.

I'm making this
online dating profile.

Yeah?

I was wondering maybe
if I could like

run some of my answers by you.

-Yeah, sure.
-Here we go.

All right, favorite books,
movies, shows, music,

and food --

"Pizza, obviously,
you stupid idiot."

[ Laughter ]

Too much humor?

It's just not funny.

Okay.

What I'm doing with my
life -- uh,

"b*ating women...

away with a stick, LOL."

[ Laughter ]

Why don't I just get rid
of the dot, dot, dot,

and I just put one full thought
and not make it a joke --

"b*ating women away
with a stick,"

so they know I'm
a ladies' man.

[ Laughter ]

"What would you do with
an unexpected bonus?"

"Give it to a church --
not.

Atlantic City
with my goon squad."

This is bad?

On a scale of like to ,

how datable do you
think this is?

Kind of a weird dude.

[ Laughter ]

We're safe.
We're safe!

Murr: Negative ?

Narrator:
Sal was a hopeless romantic,

making him tonight's big loser.

-Hey! Sal is our big loser.
-Yet again.

So, we're here
at the Boat Show

in the largest convention center
in New York City.

What do I got to do?
Destroy a boat?

No.
Rub people's feet.

They've been walking up
and down the aisles,

oh, so much,
their feet are weary.

-Their dogs are barking.
-Oh, I don't touch feet.

This is not gonna
bode well for anyone.

You have problems
rubbing your own feet.

I might throw up
on someone's foot.

Yeah, that's okay.
Just work it into it, though.

[ Laughter ]

Guys, there's a punishment
afoot. Oh, God.

Joe: All right, Sal, let's give
some people some foot rubs.

Q: Get your foot rubs here.
Get your foot rubs.

Okay. Ahh.
Ahh.

Oh, great.

Oh.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Stifled gag ]

Already.
Already, look at him.

-[ Mumbling ]
-Get in there, buddy!

Hm.

[ Laughter ]

-How's that smell?
-I'm not breathing.

-[ Laughs ]
-All right.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

-Have a great day.
-One down, Sal.

[ Sighs ]

Joe: Look at him just
looking at his hands.

[ Laughter ]

I got to clean my hands.

No, no, no, there's no
cleaning of your hands.

No cleaning.

You like a firm pressure?

Yeah.

Sure, sure.

Ooh, yeah. Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Sal, just drop a,
"You like that?"

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, yeah.

Say it!

-You like that?
-Oh, yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Mmm!

"I'm a straight-up
bad boy."

-Ahh.
-No. I'm not gonna --

You have to!
It's a punishment. Say it!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckling ]
I'm a straight-up...

What? What's that?

-What is it?
-You said something.

I'm a straight-up bad boy.
[ Chuckles ]

You're a bad boy?

[ Laughter ]

Ah, well,
just call me Nasty.

[ Laughter ]

-It was a pleasure to meet you.
-Oh, thanks so much.

I hope you have
a great day, dear.

Nice try, guys.
Nice try.

Oh, yeah, she was
a friend of ours.

Nice try? Why?
You still had to rub her feet.

Ugh.

[ Laughter ]

-Is this for anybody?
-You want one?

-Yeah.
-Lotion okay?

Yeah.

Look under the purple towel
on the rack.

-[ Chuckles ]
-It's ranch dressing.

[ Laughter ]

Take out the ranch dressing
and just squeeze it

and slap it on.

Joe:
Okay, so Sal's onto us.

He knows that some of
these people we invited here.

-Oh, sure.
-Hey, Sal, by the way,

this isn't our lady.

[ Laughter ]

Sal, this isn't our lady.

[ Laughter ]

Murr: You're rubbing ranch
dressing on a stranger.

I can't even believe, you know,
what's happening here.

Sal, go, "Surprise,
I used ranch dressing."

[ Laughter ]

♪

Murr: You're rubbing ranch
dressing on a stranger.

I can't even believe,
you know, what's happening here.

Sal, go, "Surprise,
I used ranch dressing."

Surprise.

It's actually ranch dressing.

You know, it exfoliates.

[ Laughter ]

-You're all set, dear.
-Thank you.

I can't even smell my hand.

My hand smells
like [bleep] ranch.

[ Coughing ]

Joe: Another friend of ours

who has what you would call
jacked-up feet.

[ Laughter ]

I'll use a lotion
if you don't care.

[ Laughter ]

It looks like
"American Werewolf in London"

mid-transformation.

Just I have, uh...

I'll put some
powder there for you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Are you a mayo
or mustard guy?

Uh, mayo or mustard
on your sandwich usually?

Mayo.

You know, a surprising fact
about mayo.

Do you know
a surprising fact about mayo?

I have some right here, and
I'm gonna rub your feet with it.

I have mayo.
I usually use it on people.

-Wow.
-Let me get the mayo.

I'm starting to feel,
like, nauseous.

Oh, God!

Oh, my -- Ohh.
No.

I can't. Oh.

Murr: Ew!

-I can't --
-Oh, God, this is bad.

Why would we make ourselves
watch this?

[ Gags ]

I'm sorry.
This has got to be you.

[bleep] you -- you --
They sent you here?

Are you part of it?

[ Laughter ]

Are you part of the --
You're part of the show?

Yeah, this guy's
a friend of ours.

Nobody has feet like this
just by nature.

[ Laughter ]

They told me
you're on the show.

You've got to get
your foot off me, please.

-Time for your lunch break.
-You got a delivery, Sal.

Your punishment ends
when you eat a rib.
Enjoy your rib.

-Don't clean your hands off.
-I'm not eating a [bleep] rib.

-Yes, you are.
-Take a bite.

-Take a bite.
-I can't.

[ Gags ]
They smell terrible.

[ Gags ]

[Bleep] it.

-Eww!
-Eww!

I'm gonna throw up.

-That's it, buddy.
-You're done!

You're all done, pal.

[Bleep] you
and your big-ass feet.

[ Laughter ]

♪

Sal just got defeated
in tonight's punishment.

We're gonna give you
a behind-the-scenes look

of how it happened
and give you bonus footage

from tonight's episode.

Check this out.

This is where the jokers
are behind the scenes,

and this is how far it
is to the massage chair.

And here we are. This is where
Sal was massaging feet.

In here, we have cameras.
Check this out.

I can't even smell my hand.

My hand smells
like [bleep] ranch.

Joe: And he can't do
anything about it.

Sal's about to find out
in this intro

we're sh**ting right here
what he has to do.

Three, two, one.

Hey, Sal is our big loser.

Oh, I don't touch feet.

This is not gonna
bode well for anyone.

You have problems
rubbing your own feet.

I rub my feet.
Don't say that.

I get out of the shower --
I put on antiperspirant

on my feet even.

-What?
-That's how thorough I am.

-Yeah, I spray --
-No one cares.

You know who doesn't do that?

The , people walking
around this boat show.

This is my shirt
for anti-bullying.

-Very cool.
-Be nice to people.

Don't be a bully.
Back the [bleep] up.

[ Laughs ]

Don't do stuff like that.
That's not nice. Hugs.

Oh, he did it
as an example.

Nice.
Got it.

Do hugs.
You have a soft face.

I do, don't I?
Isn't that crazy.

It's crazy.

Take out the ranch dressing
and just squeeze it

and slap it on.

[ Laughter ]

Sal,
what does it smell like?

Uh, like ranch.

[ Laughter ]

You just signed a release.

You know that you
were on camera.

How do you feel?

Uh, I feel like a salad.

[ Laughter ]

You know what's the problem?

They're very, very hot.

Q: You know what really
cools down a foot, Sal?

A nice cool breeze.

You want to blow
on that thing for him.

-Toot, toot!
-Toot, toot.

[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ]
Not by choice.

[ Laughter ]

Do what they call
the hand hold,

which when you put all your
fingers through all her toes.

Uh, let me know if there's
any pressure is okay...

-Yeah, sure.
-...and if I'm hurting.

-Oh, my God.
-Ohh!

That's ticklish.

[ Laughter ]

You got a delivery, Sal.

[Bleep] it.

-Eww!
-Eww!

I'm gonna throw up.

[Bleep] you
and your big-ass feet.

[ Laughter ]

Well done, baby.
Well done.

-Are you kidding me?
-That was amazing.

They did not smell
what I just smelled.

I mean, of course not.

They're delicious ribs
in a different context.

Uh, is there a Tinkles?
Tinkles Van Buren?

Dee Plane, Dee Plane?

Arabian Nice.

Darcy St. Cous.

Geppetto Cream Cheese?

Sal's dad is cool?

Professor Hamstring Kung Pao.

Prairie Dog Muffleman.

-Ma Wuzfordinner?
-Chauncy Stank?

-Nyuck Nyuck.
-Bernie Crupinsky?

All-Butter Pound Loaf.

Is there a Miso Corny?

Grady O'Gotacrotch.

Bert Shebertbert.

Gary Gary Gary Gar?

Shart Simpson.

Ponz McNamara?

Slim Buchock?

Tatiana Oh, No, You Didn't.

Mahatma Gagherkin?

Is there
a Laronda Oh, Yes, She Did?

Is Holland Tunnel here?

Oh, No, It's Carl?

Is there a Gaylord Suitcase?

Abraham Von Cameltoe.

Fook Fatch?

Fook Faytch?

Fook Fache?

Bony Orlando?

Probably Tony -- Bony Orlando.

None of these here.