02x19 - Festival

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Abbott Elementary". Aired: December 7, 2021 to present.*
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A group of teachers at a Philadelphia public school are determined to help their students succeed in life despite the odds against them.
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02x19 - Festival

Post by bunniefuu »

Here it is. Item number seven
of next week's school board meeting.

A proposal to transition
Abbott Elementary

into a Legendary Charter School
for the - school year.

Times New Roman,
the most decisive of the fonts.

Well, I guess that's it.

Draemond goes to the school board,
we become a charter. [SCOFFS]

This is horrible.
I can't be a charter teacher.

I-I don't have the wardrobe for it.

School district's gonna
hang us out to dry yet again.

Can't we call the teacher's
union or something?

All they can do is help us
find a job at another public.

I was really hoping that I had
gotten through to that young man.

As his former teacher,
I thought that Draemond

would take my words to heart.

But now we don't know
who will be asked to stay

and who will be forced to leave,

and that goes for teachers and students.

I know that this seems
really, really bad,

but look, no matter what happens,

we are still Abbott Elementary.

You know, they can't take
that away from us.

Just found out we're not gonna
be Abbott Elementary anymore.

Draemond is changing the name
to "Legendary Schools Presents:

Abbott Charter."

What in the Lee Daniels?

I mean...[LAUGHTER]

Wait, I don't get it.

You know what? No.

This is not happening.

Not on our watch.

- Yeah, that's right.
- Right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, no.

We can do something about this.

- Who is Lee Daniels?
- Yes. We're gonna fight back.

PHONE VOICE: Here is
what I found for Lee Daniels.


African Amer...

[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]

That's what needs to happen.

Operation Save The School starts now.

Okay, I'm gonna staple all the info

about what's going on
to the kids' clothes

- so the parents see it.
- Nice.

I'm gonna butter up Delisha Sloss
like a hot dinner roll

and see what she can do for us
on the school board level.

And I am gonna talk
to every parent I see

and tell them what Legendary is up to.

When they find out, they are
going to storm the gates...

...of the school board.

- If they have gates there.
- Wait.

We can hardly get parents
to come to the Open House.

I don't think you're gonna get
that many at drop off.

Oh, no, I'm very good at canvassing.

People always open the door for me
'cause they think I'm a lost child.

Oh, Ava, you look great.

[SCOFFS] It'd be
breaking news if I didn't.

Where are you headed?

To handle my business.

I would tell y'all my plan,
but then it'd be compromised

and this walk off
wouldn't be as enticing.

Oh, hey! You're the mom with the bi...

Mm. You're Krystal, right?

Yep.

- Oh, cute look.
- Thank you.

You should let me
hook you up with my brand.

We just released our line
of extra-petite bitch.

- Okay. Thank you.
- Yeah.

Listen, I'm trying to spread the word

about Draemond Winding
and Legendary Charter...

Oh, let me stop you right there.
I read about that on Facebook.

Look, I'm all for keeping the
schools public. What do you need?

Wow, that was so easy. [CHUCKLES]

Man, I had a whole
presentation prepared,

and if that didn't work, begging.

Well, keep me updated.

- Look, take my e-mail...
- Okay.

It's S-L-U... Oh, you know what?

Actually, I can get it from Venus,
'cause I'm sure she has it.

- Alright, Miss Teagues.
- Teagues.

Okay. Nice to meet you.

Nice to see you.

[DOOR CLOSES] I've got good news,

and I've got bad news.

The good news is every day
is a blessing.

The bad news is Draemond
has already buttered up

Delisha Sloss like a freshly
cooked piece of corn on the cob.

Son of a bitch! [REFRIGERATOR THUDS]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I'm... This whole situation's
got me on edge.

My night terrors have spread
into day terrors.

I can't tell if I'm asleep right now,

or if this is some kind of waking
nightmare. Like, you know...

I think I might be saving Abbott.

I already got a parent on board,
and I didn't even have to fake cry.

Or real cry.

The bell went off before
I could get more signatures,

but the parents want to help.

We just have to engage them.
So, who's with me?

I'll do it with you
after school, Janine.

Oh!

Uh, I mean I'll get engaged with you.

With the parents.

- We're gonna get signatures.
- Yes, we are. Yes.

- Who... Who else?
- Yes! Alright, I'm with you.

Yeah, so are we.

I'm not loved by all of the parents,

uh, except for the one
that calls me Stuart Little.

But even that, I'm not sure
is the compliment

I want it to be.

Okay, you hold down the fort here,

and the rest of us
will go car to car together.

- MELISSA: Yes!
- BARBARA: Yes! Si se puede!

Yes! Si se p... Yes!

- Actually, no.
- Um... no.

- No, no, no.
- We've got three more classes.

Yeah, okay. We'll do it after school.

'Cause I'm about to pick
the kids up now...

Hello. Hey. Hi!

Sorry, I'm not interested in
saving the whales or whatever.

Oh, no. I mean, neither am I.

I don't get the hype.
It's like seahorses...

Uh, sorry, that's not
what we're here to talk about.

So, I want to talk to you
about making a change.

I don't believe in climate change.

Uh, alarming, but no.

Actually, I'm talking
about saving Abbott.

Ugh, I was more interested
in the whales.

BARBARA: Okay, I just need
a little bit of your time.

I don't understand. I thought
Abbott was already a charter.

Actually, it's complicated,
but if you coul...

Well, unless you can uncomplicate it,

I gotta get to work.

But I... Come on, come on.

Hey!

Are you the teacher
that stapled that letter

to my son's brand-new jacket?

Jacob!

I told you, quit stapling stuff
to the kids.

Excuse me, miss. I was wondering...

- Oh, hey, Erika.
- Hey, Greg.

What you doing out here,
begging for money?

I told you I can get you involved
with my cousin's Herbalife thing.

- Let me text him.
- No. No.

I'm just trying to get petitions signed.

Um, Janine tell you about this?

She might have mentioned it. Mm-hmm.

I'll sign.

So, heard you and Janine
just friends now.

We are.

Did she tell you everything?

That's what friends do...

Mr. It Was A Whoopsie.

[LAUGHS]

So, you cool being just friends, or...

Yes.

I am, Erika.

It's... fine.

Are you done signing?

Ooh, testy.

I heard that pause, though.

I'm... I... Well, I barely got anything.

Me neither. I mean, I get it.

I wouldn't sign anything I handed me.

Janine, how'd you get that first
person to sign up so easily?

Well, I just explained
to Krystal that if...

Oh, the mom with the "bitch" tattoo.

Of course she signed on.

She's one of our most active parents.

- Yeah.
- Oh, this was a fool's errand.

Now it makes sense, 'cause
we were sent on it by a fool.

Hey! I'm sorry.

I know you're trying really hard,

but... this may be a lost cause.

Hey! Don't go!

This will only take
minutes of your time. [TIRES SCREECH]

So, how'd that begging work out?

Okay, we are not begging.

We are respectfully pleading,
and not well. Mm.

- Where'd you go?
- Job interview.

Ava!

I'll be the first one fired
by Legendary.

You know the saying...
"Finest one in, first one out."

I thought you were trying
to stop us from going charter.

I've been trying to stop it.

Even went down to the
school board myself, but now...

Let's get every teacher in a room, okay?

And then we don't leave
until we figure this out.

Or until : p.m.

That's when my neighbors start arguing,

and you can't DVR that. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS] What job did you
interview for, anyway?

Chief Marketing Officer,
Legendary Schools.

What?

Their branding needs work.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

I can't believe we might all get fired.

We don't know that yet.

I have had just about enough, Morton.

Sorry. That man knows
where my buttons are

and just loves to push.

We don't know anything.
This could be good.

Or very bad.

Thank you for that cr*ck analysis, Ally.

Okay.

My plan A didn't work out,
so now I turn to you, my plan B's.

Well, I really don't know
where we go from here.

We didn't get enough signatures,
and we need at least

to prove to the school board that

the community's against going charter.

Hold up. All we need is signatures?

That's easy. I know tons of names.

Barbara, Melissa, Jason, Marge,

Homer, Peter Pan...

They need to be real names
of real people

- who live in this community.
- Oh.

What if we just focus on new ideas?

Because what we've been doing
isn't working.

No idea is too stupid to pitch.

How about if we just lock
all the doors in the school?

Then they can't get in.
Like "Lean on Me."

In a rare turn of events, I was wrong.

Please only pitch good ideas.

Alright, what if we petition
to take over Addington?

You know, we go on the offense.

Oh! I like it. A hostile takeover.

Did a lot of "hostel" takeovers in Peru.

Get it? I stayed in them.

Just trying to lighten the mood.

Normally, I would politely chuckle,

but this might not be the right time

- to lighten the mood.
- That's it, Morton.

You want to get nuts? Let's get nuts.

Sorry. Sorry.

We could bribe the superintendent.

With what money?

Would you get your head
in the game, Ally?

MR. JOHNSON: In my safety deposit box,

I have / of what
I think is a treasure map.

Now if we find the other quarter...

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

We have to trick them.

We have to trick the community

into simply signing their names
on our petition,

and then we will submit it
to the school board, and...

we will win.

It's not my preference
to dance with the devil,

but this is a special case.

I'm sorry.
Tricking them just seems wrong.

They need to know what they're signing

and the why behind it.

No, let's trick 'em. [CHEERS
AND APPLAUSE]

Oh, guys, how would we even do that?

What, we throw a big festival
during Open House

and make people sign
the petition to get in?

Like... Now, that's absurd,
but it does give me an idea.

We should throw a big fun
festival during the Open House

and make everyone sign
the petition to get in.

You just repeated what I said
and added the word "fun" in it.

- Yeah.
- One problem.

The parents don't come to Open House.

This'll be more than an Open House.

We have a couple weeks
to make this thing a blowout

with games and prizes
and must-see entertainment.

Why can't you ever give me
credit for a good idea?

Stop making everything
about you, Janine.

AVA Fest is about the kids.

Hold up. Ava Fest?

Why is it named after you,
all of a sudden?

It's not, Melissa. A-V-A.

A Very Abbott Festival.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

AVA Fest prep is popping off.

Now, we don't have a lot to work with,

so we're leaning on our strengths.

Janine is trying to locate her rhythm

and help the step team
with their performance.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS] Oh,
Ava, thank goodness you're here.

So, the girls told me you said
they could dance to Ice Spice.

I'm gonna say no, but I have a catalog

that I think is pretty good.

Mr. Johnson found an old dunk t*nk

- in the basement.
- MELISSA: Oh, come on.

What, are you kidding me?
You said it yourself.

The parents don't exactly love you.

They would be psyched
to come and dunk your ass.

I don't know how to swim.

And now it's dangerous? Even better.

Barb is working on
a motivational speech.

And to them I say,
"This is how you Abbott."

I'm thinking about ending with a song.

And we welcome
your vocal acrobatics. [VOCALIZING]

This is gonna be the best show in Philly

since Dru Hill sold out
the Wachovia Center in ' .

They were like two hours late,
but Sisqó did like backflips.

Mr. J is working
to keep the place spotless.

What do you call this?

Sharpening my mop.

We're going to w*r.

Sure, whatever.

We got sharp mops, dunk tanks,
step, and food?

[SCOFFS] What's the problem?

They have conflicting opinions
on the consistency of the macaroni.

- He would like soupy...
- Solid.

And I believe he would like solid.

I would like to go back to my classroom.

This is AVA Fest, baby.

We'll have soupy and solid.

Double 'ronis.

Congrats.

Miss Teagues, are you getting fired?

What? No. N-No. I don't... think so.

I heard the school is changing,
and I think I'm getting fired, too.

Okay. No one is going anywhere,
at least not for now.

So we're getting fired later?

Go back to your art project.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, hey. It is so busy.

They are making projects
for AVA Fest and Open House.

I'm worried this isn't gonna
be enough, though.

Feels like we need more than
popsicle-stick houses

to get people to show up.

Well, some are castles.

I'm thinking more of a headliner.

It's like going to see Paramore
without Hayley Williams.

There are other people in that band?

- Yeah, actually.
- Hmm.

Maybe I can call Tariq.

What? Why?

Well, because he's from
the neighborhood,

and... And people like him.

And he's on the WNBA pre-game
pump-up playlist on Spotify.

He could draw a crowd.

Um, I don't... I don't...
I don't think so.

Um, he's a bit of a wild card.

But I do think we're on the right track.

We're gonna figure this out.

Okay. Yeah.

Hey! You better watch that.

Anytime the score gets past ,

- that thing starts to shake.
- Please.

That scoreboard's been here
since you had

a full head of hair
and a look of hope on your face.

So, this is all great, Ava,
but, you know, Gregory and I

were thinking that we needed
something, you know, flashy.

Like something big, a big name.
Something for the parents.

Ooh, ooh. What about Nikki Giovanni?

Oh, my God. Do you know her?

- No.
- AVA: You know what?

I've already handled this.

Walk with me. [CHUCKLES]

Boom! [CHUCKLES]

You got Jazmine Sullivan
to come here tomorrow night?

That's amazing, Ava.

We're gonna pull this off. [CHUCKLES]

Yes.

Who is Jazmine Sulliv...

[CELLPHONE THUDS]

JANINE: Things are looking up.

But nothing more dangerous
than an uninformed signatory.

So I have a plan in place
to make sure the community

understands the situation at hand.

Now turn around. I gotta wand you, son.

[IMITATING WAND BUZZING]

Is that a curling iron?

Can't be too careful.

Hey, where the party at?

Oh, my God. It's right here.

[LAUGHS] Wow, isn't this fun?

Um, I'm sure you guys are members
of the community like I am,

and I heard there's
an informational sesh

taking place about
the issues facing Abbott.

Yo, don't you work here?

- She does.
- Alright, okay.

Guilty.
Serving a life sentence as an educator.

But I just want you to know
the petition you're signing

means we can keep Abbott, Abbott.

Information is power.

Listen, lady, I'm just trying
to dunk a white dude.

Next!

♪ Two bad brauds ♪

♪ Lookin' like they down right ♪

♪ Ah, baby, tell me is you down right? ♪

Alright, step right up. Step right up.

You're not really a fan of him,

and now's your chance
to send him plunging

into whatever our tap water's made of.

Let's go. Come on.

Oh, I knew it, Morton.

I knew you hated me. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, uh...

Sorry.

AMBER: Hey, Gregory.

Hey, Amber. Um, how are you?

Good. Cute. You?

I'm good. I see you finally
got your bag.

[CHUCKLES] Thank you.

My boyfriend got it for me.

Your boyfriend?
We broke up like two weeks ago.

And? I met Rashon a week after.

Gregory, look.

It's a wrap between us,

but you'll find somebody
more your speed.

Let's just focus on the festival.

DAD: You know I don't like
hanging around.

When is Jazmine Sullivan getting here?

[SCOFFS] I bet I won't.

Look, I'm giving it
about more minutes.

I need to get on home.

Hey. [CLEARS THROAT] How we doing?

Still quite a few signatures short.

[SIGHS] Man, well, people
are starting to, like,

call their friends and tell them
not to come, you know?

Where's our headliner?

You know, that's a really good question.

Right? [CHUCKLES]

Um, Ava?

When is Jazmine Sullivan getting here?

Good one, Gregory.
Like she'd ever come here.

What? But you said she was coming.

Yeah, but before I said that,
Barb said to trick 'em.

So she's not coming?

You need to pay better
attention, Janine.

Buckets! [LAUGHS]

- Ava, why did you lie?
- I thought that was the whole point.

You lie to them, not to us.

- My lies don't discriminate.
- Oh, my God.

Look, either way, we still
don't have enough signatures.

Well, look, maybe they won't realize it.

DAD: Hey, yo, Jazmine
Sullivan ain't even coming, y'all.

Yeah, they done tricked us
into supporting the school

by dangling the carrot
of a local yet global

R songstress in our face!

Well, they put that together
quite quickly.

Okay, I had a feeling
that Ava may pull an Ava,

so I called in a backup plan, but...

TARIQ: Ah. Well, well, well.

If it isn't the little people
who first believed in me,

and then I left behind
for FADE and fortune.

- Tariq, you're here?
- Yeah, what's up, 'Neen?

Don't try to win me back
with some type of grand gesture.

I am very busy right now,
actually. [LAUGHS]

Get on the stage.

You're right, Talent Manager.

- Alright.
- Give me that.

You called Tariq?

Anything for Abbott, right?

Aw, yeah.

Time to slay one for my day ones.

What's up, y'all? Yeah!

Legendary Schools,
they said that my jingle

infringed upon a "existing melody."

Like... [CHUCKLES]

And then FADE, they fired me

because I had become a liability.

So, yeah, between
Legendary Schools, FADE,

that one dude at Lady Foot Locker,

I got enough beefs to start
a butcher shop right now.

Let me see y'all put a fist up. Yeah.

Put that fist up real quick.

This a powerful symbol.

This... This the universal symbol for...

Hey, we... We will fight y'all.

Yeah, you feel me? Let's go.

[RAPPING] ♪ Abbott on Abbott on Abbott ♪

♪ That booty big, so I'mma grab it ♪

♪ You tryin' to finesse the teacher ♪

♪ You better start prayin',
go call up your preacher ♪

♪ Abbott on Abbott on Abbott ♪

♪ That booty big, so I'mma grab it ♪

♪ You tryin' to finesse the teacher ♪

♪ You better start prayin',
go call up your preacher ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Your children are our future ♪

♪ It ain't no debate ♪

♪ Play with a teacher's aide ♪

♪ I'mma catch a case ♪

♪ Better not be slippin' ♪

♪ Or that steel, you gon' be kissin' ♪

♪ Packed my bags
'cause they was trippin' ♪

♪ They want beef, I'm in the kitchen ♪

♪ Play with a teacher,
you fittin' to get slapped ♪

♪ No gonorrhea,
but you gon' get clapped ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Put your hands up ♪

Put them adult hands up. Yeah.

Hey, now, Abbott going up!
They got a rapper now.

You should pull up.

Never have I ever

been so happy to hear
such explicit content.

Yep. Mm.

So happy I thought of this.

Oh, no. Is that...

BARBARA: Draemond.

[CHUCKLES] What is he doing here?

Did y'all get a youth pastor
to do stand-up during my set?

What's going on?[LAUGHTER]

Good evening, everyone.

I'm Draemond Winding
from Legendary Schools,

and I'm sorry to say
you're being lied to.

The petition that's
circulating this evening

is nothing more than a promise
to hold your children back.

[CROWD GASPS] These
teachers are afraid of change.

They want to keep this place
tore up from the floor up.

Okay, just give me the signal.

But I want to turn it into a beautiful,

new Legendary property.

Yo, I just walked around this school.

This place looks alright to me.

But we can do better. We will do better.

I heard those Legendary Schools
do look fresh and new.

And we can bring that here.

The truth is Abbott is failing.

PARENT # : I haven't been here all year,

but they're making race cars,
doing goofy murals and fun stuff here.

They do the best with what they have.

I went to Abbott.

The great Mrs. Howard was my teacher,
and she gave me so much.

Then I struggled

until I found my way
into a charter school.

Folks, you talk to any parent
from Addington...

My kid went to Addington,
and you kicked him out.

[CROWD GASPS]

No, we don't... We don't kick kids out.

We encourage a small few

to explore other
educational opportunities.

Yeah, by kicking them out.

I want to focus on the future.

This place is going to get
a full and complete facelift.

We are going to hire the best
and brightest teachers.

What about the teachers
we have here now?

What you gonna do?
You gonna fire Mrs. Howard?

- Huh?
- No, not Mrs. Howard. No.

Oh, yeah? Then who?

If your child becomes a student

at Legendary Charter, you will s...

If? Wait, wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

My kid might not even get to go here?

We employ a lottery system
to ensure equality.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I play the lottery every single day,

and I never win.

This man is playing
the Powerball with our kids!

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

The reality is

Legendary has resources
Abbott just does not.

Then why don't you spend
that money on Abbott?

Help us make this school better,
since you care so much.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

See, I told you
our community would step up.

I guess they know more about
this stuff than we thought.

Yeah, no. What they know
is a phony when they see one.

- Yeah.
- Folks, listen. What... What I...

Man, get out of here
with that nut-ass suit.

[LAUGHTER]

TARIQ: Yeah.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

Go on somewhere.

Yeah, yeah. Get them all.

Get 'em out of here. Bye!

Get 'em out of here.

Yeah. Get 'em out of here.

[RAPPING] ♪ Abbott on Abbott on Abbott ♪

♪ Abbott on Abbott on Abbott ♪

♪ Impact bulletproof ♪

♪ So we don't got... to prove ♪

♪ Suwoo, on my blood ♪

♪ But we still gon' rock the blue, too ♪

♪ Call me a doll, but he
don't know that it's voodoo ♪

♪ Sippin' Stella, this my era ♪

[BELL DINGS] ♪ Baby, it's a new groove ♪

♪ It's water weight in diamonds ♪

♪ You could say I chew with Bluetooth ♪



[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]



I guess I've been bested by the best.

And I hope that now we can just

put this whole endeavor behind us.

This actually takes a lot
off my plate. [CHUCKLES]

I really brought the community
together tonight, huh?

Bless your soul, Draemond.

BARBARA: Every student is special,

and you have to give them your best.

And you hope that they will
carry it with them,

but at the end of the day,

they have to decide who they want to be.

And this one decided to be a jackass.

Alright, I think we have
cleaned up enough for tonight.

We can do the rest tomorrow.

It is so magical when everyone
comes together for a cause.

See? This is what I love
about emergencies.

You know what? Now that we've got
the community all fired up,

we should ask them for more stuff,

like calculators and another dunk t*nk.

You know, Tariq really bailed us out.

Yes, and you called him.
You saved Abbott.

Well, we all did.

And the best part is Mr. Morton and I

- are practically BFFs now.
- Ooh.

No, he still hates you. [BARBARA LAUGHS]

Impossible. What did he say?

He said, "I still hate Jacob.
Pass the chips."

Wait a minute. There were chips?

Why was I eating wet-yet-dry
macaroni all night?

[CHUCKLES] I am so happy Abbott is safe.

This is the best...

[LOUD CRASH] Oh, geez.

Ooh, what in the immaculate reception?

Oh.

- Melissa Oh. Scoreboard.
- JACOB: Always something.

Well, Abbott's gonna Abbott.

You know what? Let's go home.

We can hit the ground running
on this Monday.

Hell, yeah.

[SIGHS] Guys...

[WHISPERS] I think
I can pick this up, right?

Janine, don't try and fix that!

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know.

I'm tryin' to find a new lane
since this FADE beef.

I'm looking at a lot of avenues
untouched by mainstream rappers.

I got a whole g*ng
of national park songs,

mainly about how mountaintops
look like boobies.

I got a anti-Amazon song.

I got a pro-Amazon song called

"She Gon' Get This Package."

I got a song about, uh,
endangered species,

'cause I'm trying to help them
bring velociraptors back.

You know, when they get
the mosquitos in that amber.

You know how they do.

Um, hey, any of y'all got a car?

'Cause I need a ride back
to New York and then...

And then back here to Philly
with all my stuff in it.
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