Demonic voice:
I am Satan,
King of all
that is evil.
Man: In the name
of God almighty,
I cast ye
back to hell!
I command
thy putrid spirit
Be banished from
this child's soul.
Never!
The girl is mine!
Mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine...
Don't you stick your
tongue out at me!
Aw, I'll do what
I damn well please.
Stop your cursing!
Make me, slime ball.
I am a priest!
Oh, pardon me...
Your reverend
and holy slime ball.
How about these, pops?
I command you,
close your blouse!
Watch this, bud.
Put down
that crucifix!
Ohh, I love it!
Stop it!
I command you!
Be gone, Satan!
Be gone, demon!
[Wind blowing]
Satan: No!
Child, crying:
Mother! Mother!
Mother!
Father, is it
all over?
Is Nancy
all right?
Bless you.
Father, how can I
possibly thank you?
[Heart b*ating]
Satan: Mayii?
Aah!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Aah! Ha ha ha!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Ew! Ooh!
Ooh, ooh!
Aah!
Aah!
[Groans]
Ooh.
Satan:
I'll be back!
Ooh!
Oh, sh*t.
[Sighs]
Ooh.
* I was minding my business
* when the devil
walked in on me *
* oh, no
* waving his hands said
* "come on, just follow me"
* so I, I looked him
in the eye *
* and I showed him
to the door *
* oh, no
* and I told him
to get lost *
* 'cause I've been there
once before *
* don't want to be
re-re-re-repossessed *
* re-re-re-repossessed
* re-re-re-repossessed
* re-re-re-repossessed
* now I've... I've been invited
* to the neverland
called hell *
* it's much too warm for me
* don't like the heat
that well *
* and I looked fear
in the face *
* so many times before
* and that's why I'm so fast
to show him to the door *
* don't want to be
re-re-re-repossessed *
* get on out...
Get on out of the door *
* re-re-re-repossessed
* get on out...
Get on out of the door *
* re-re-re-repossessed
* oh, no
* uh-oh
* get on out...
Get on out of the door *
* re-re-re-repossessed
Priest, German accent:
Uh, Adams?
Here.
Blaine?
Yes, father.
Grigsby?
Here, father.
The mormon
tabernacle choir?
* here
Good day to you.
I am father mayii.
And I would like to welcome
you to the seminar.
I am here to discuss
an incident in my life
That first destroyed,
And then renewed my belief
in divine intervention.
17 years ago, a young girl
was a victim of an episode
Of demonic possession,
And I was called in
to rescue her soul.
Now, that battle left me
broken physically,
And mentally...
But recently,
My faith has been renewed.
And I believe that even the
most cynical among you here
Will... Find...
This story...
Inspiring.
Young lady, would you
pull down your dress?
Sure.
Up!
Ooh.
Mayii: I had long since
lost track
Of the child Nancy.
She had grown to womanhood
and got married,
And had settled down
with her husband
And 2 lovely children,
In a picturesque
neighborhood
With playful children
and picket fences,
And lots of caucasians.
Ah-choo!
TV announcer: So,
for the fifth time,
This charity match
Between the pro hockey
all-stars,
And Peggy hamill's
pals on ice
Has turned ugly, Dan.
Dan: Yeah, and it was
rusty the rooster
Who started it all
with his...
[In a British accent]
For another episode
Of bride's head
revisited...
At last...
My dear, sweet,
loving bride!
Oh, my darling!
Ok, kids, dinner's
almost ready!
Turn off the TV!
What are we having?
Oh, your favorite...
Prime ribs, sweet potatoes,
Green beans...
And split pea soup.
[Dramatic drum beats]
Not again!
Oh, mom!
Both: I hate
split pea soup!
You know
we hate it.
Mom, we hate it!
I said they were
lovely children.
At this point, they had
not taken acting lessons.
Really, mom, I want
to change my name.
All my girlfriends
think it's dorky.
Oh, honey, but frieda
is such a nice name.
Not my first name.
My last name... aglet.
Come on! What's it mean,
anyway?
Well, frieda,
in the old days,
Aglet meant he who puts
those tiny plastic things
On the end of shoelaces.
See, back then, a man's name
was the same as his occupation.
Oh, like a man named
Fred carpenter
Would build houses?
Mm-hmm.
Or a Thomas Baker
made bread?
Exactly.
So, what did
John hancock do?
Well, there were
some exceptions.
TV: * clap on
[Clap, clap]
* clap off
[Clap clap]
* clap on,
clap off *
* the clapper
[Clap clap]
Announcer: Here's Ernest
and Fanny rae weller.
Hey, bless you!
God bless you!
Welcome to Ernest and
Fanny's miracle hour.
I am Ernest...
And I'm Fanny.
Oh, and you all know
little foo-foo.
All: Hi, foo-foo!
Oh, foo-foo says,
"God bless you, everyone."
Ha ha ha ha.
We have a terrific
line-up of inspiration
For you
on this program.
As usual, we'll be
reading some passages
From the good book.
And just possibly,
we will heal
Some of our sickly,
and/or...
Crippled followers.
And you know, Ernest,
Foo-foo just loves
when you heal people.
Foo-foo is
a good dog.
Arf!
Why, you little sh*t!
[All gasp]
Zu. Shih-tzu.
All: Ahh.
Boy: I don't want
to watch this!
No, way!
Hey, hey, hey, hey...
Come on, now.
Ok, ok.
I'll change it.
Ernest: Why,
you little foo-foo.
[Remote control
clicking]
That's strange.
I don't know...
Maybe the batteries
are dead.
I'll change it
myself.
Ernest: We're going to defeat
the mightiest evil of all...
The devil himself!
Never forget that Satan
constantly surrounds us,
With but one goal
in mind...
To steal your soul!
[Yelling]
Nancy: Silence!
[In an eerie voice]
One more word
Out of you little
sacks of sh*t,
And there'll be no more
TV for you tonight!
[Groans]
Ha ha ha ha!
Ahh...
Oh! Uhh! Uhh...
Oh! Oh, kids,
I'm so sorry!
I don't know what
came over me!
Oh!
20 bucks says
it's p.M.S.
[Nancy screams]
Make it stop!
Make it stop!
Aah! Make it stop!
Aah! Make it stop!
[Screaming]
[Crying]
I hate that control.
Oh, honey,
I'm so sorry.
Hey, don't be
so hard on yourself.
I should've ducked.
You have this thing
checked out
By Dr. hackett
tomorrow, ok?
[Squish]
[Hisses]
[Growls]
Yep. Definitely p.M.S.
I had no idea that Satan
had entered Nancy's body.
And seized her soul
once again.
As a matter of fact,
at that time,
I was so b*rned-out...
As they say in California...
I couldn't find my butt
with both my hands.
I took a sabbatical,
and I traveled.
But no matter
where I went,
The memory
of that awful night
Kept haunting me.
[Groaning]
Oh, honey, I forgot
to grab my purse.
Let's go back.
All right.
[Bang]
Ha ha. Here? Now?
[Giggling]
Oh, excuse me.
Are you getting off?
P.A.: Dr. fingers, please
report to proctology.
Dr. fingers...
Oh, doctor...
Dr. hackett?
Uh, no.
I'm not a doctor.
But I do play one
on television.
That's why I recommend
new buffer caps
For fast-acting,
long relief.
You're lucky, Rick.
Not many amputees
Are fortunate enough
to receive a transplanted arm.
I know, but it's too
bad that wrestler
Had to die
for me to get it.
Man, Chinese accent:
Call for Dr. hackett!
Uh-oh. Got to go.
See you in rehab.
Sure doc.
Uhh!
[Grunting]
Oh, hello,
Dr. hackett.
Hello, Nancy.
Long time, no see.
So, uh, what seems
to be your problem?
Something came over me
last night.
I just felt such...
Incredible anger.
Then, suddenly,
I vomited on my family.
Hmm.
Smooth or chunky?
Uh, smooth.
Oh, doctor,
what could it be?
Possibly the flu.
I just had
A couple of cases
of it come in today.
I must admit
that hospitals
Have always
frightened me.
Nancy, relax. Relax.
Hmm...
Hmm...
Hmm...
So, what's wrong
with me?
Well, in a nutshell,
I took a survey
Of all the doctors
gathered here.
When I tallied
their opinions,
The survey said...
All, applauding:
Good answer!
Good answer!
Good answer!
Oh, dear lord, why?
I mean, after my exorcism,
I-I've strived to lead
A good, clean,
decent life.
I haven't done anything
morally wrong.
Oh, except watch
that rob lowe video.
Just give me a sign.
[Cuckoo cuckoo]
[Cuckoo cuckoo]
[Cuckoo cuckoo]
[Car screeching]
[Thud and screaming]
* hallelujah
Oh, that's it!
* hallelujah
Mayii: Nancy reached out
for the guidance of God.
She discovered that
she was not the only one
Walking the streets
in search of the path
Of penitence and truth.
God comforts even
the lowliest of them,
Even though they lack
any shred of intelligence.
The name's north, ma'am.
I have a reservation.
Let's see...
Uh, yes. Mr. north.
How long has it been
Since your last
confession?
[Whispering]
I don't recall,
counsel.
Ok, uh, please
follow me.
It was here she met
father Luke brophy...
A dedicated young priest.
He who gives of himself
To someone
other than himself
Will find that
he shall receive
From that someone...
Something
that... that...
Someone
other than he...
Uh... Wait, um...
Ok, he...
Shall receive
that which he gave.
Of himself, which,
Uh... [stammers]
I said he was dedicated.
I did not say
he was articulate.
Look, just be good
to each other.
All: Ohh!
With that in mind,
I will now ask
our ushers
To please pass around
the donation basket.
Our church thanks you.
Mayii: Father brophy
was a man of integrity.
A man dedicated
to his beliefs.
A man about 5' 10"
in his stocking feet.
It was father Luke
Who would make me
once again come face-to-face
With my nightmares,
and would introduce me
To some very interesting
Armenian food.
As a matter of fact,
it was at the dinner table
That he heard his brother
say, "Luke..."
Always wipe the rim."
[Knocking on door]
Sister brothers...
Excuse me, father.
While tallying
the donations,
I came upon this note
With your name
written on it.
Thank you.
Student:
Father mayii?
Yes, yes?
Is it true that
priests and nuns
Have orgies
in the Vatican?
What?
Father Luke suffered from
the burden of self-doubt,
Always questioning himself.
Was he good enough
to be a priest?
Should he have been
a rabbi instead?
After all, they do
have Sundays off.
And the question that
nagged him the most...
Why weren't there any
Japanese players in the nba?
Was it the hand
of the almighty
That drew Luke
to the phone that night?
[Ringing]
Or had he just forgotten
To leave his answering
machine on again?
Hello?
Father brophy?
Hi. This is Nancy aglet.
I'm the one that
left you that note today.
That's so strange.
I was just about
to phone you.
I hope I'm not
disturbing you.
I looked your name up
in the phone book.
That's ok.
Now, what's this
About your having
a religious problem?
[Sighs]
Honey...
Oh, sorry. Have you seen
my nose hair clippers?
Um, they're
in the, uh, cabinet.
Listen, I really can't
talk about this over the phone.
Is it possible you could
come over tonight,
So we could
speak privately?
Uh, well, you see,
it's my, uh...
Please, father.
It's very, very serious.
Sure. Where
do you live?
I live at 733 sex drive.
Thank you.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Hey, let's play
With the mystic
spirit board, ok?
[Doorbell rings]
Enter, please.
Well, welcome,
father.
I'm Braydon aglet.
Hello.
And these are my
children ned and frieda.
Hi.
Ned: Hi.
Come on, dad,
let's play!
Come on, dad,
please, let's play.
In a second.
Nancy said you'd
be dropping by.
Something about her
doing some work
With the church?
Uh, something
like that, yes.
What should we
ask it first, dad?
Oh, well, uh... Well,
there's something
I've always wanted
to ask.
Will Ted Kennedy
ever become president?
[Whooshing]
Ho ho ho! I guess
not, eh, kids?
[Demonic voice] Braydon,
I thought we'd spoken
About using that thing
in this house.
I never want to see that
thing in this house again!
Ohh! Oh, I'm so sorry!
Ohh...
Father, maybe we could...
Go in the other room
and speak privately?
Sure.
It was... it was very
nice meeting you.
I-I assume you don't
want your family
Knowing about this.
No, I don't.
No one knows what
happened to me in my past.
And what I believe is
happening to me now.
Ok, and what exactly
is that?
I believe I'm being
possessed by the devil.
The devil?
Mrs. aglet, are you
under any kind
Of psychiatric care
at all?
I once gave my word
never to show anyone
What you are
about to see.
High school
debating champion?
Papal seal
of possession?
Signed by the pope.
Mrs...
Mrs. aglet,
I apologize,
But I guess
I've always felt
That these stories
of demonic possession
Were nothing more
than religious folklore.
Why did you call me?
Why didn't you contact
The exorcist... father magi?
Mayii. Father
Jedediah mayii.
Well, they say he
retired from the church
Right after
my exorcism.
What makes you think that
you're being possessed again?
Satan's spirit flew
right out of my TV set
And into my soul.
Ok...
Oh, no, I know it
sounds crazy,
But it must be true.
Father,
please help me.
Please!
I'll do
whatever I can.
Here...
Take this.
It might help.
[Growling]
Uh, I, uh...
I got to go now, ok?
You're not going
anywhere, scuzzball!
[Growls]
Ah ha ha ha ha!
[Growls]
Ha ha ha ha!
This blood is mine!
Do you understand?
The blood is mine!
Dad! Mom's humping
the priest!
Die! Die!
Holy...
Honey...
Die, you slug!
Die!
[In a high voice]
Here's the, uh, camera,
And the cassette recorder
that you asked for.
Thank you.
Father, what's
going on here?
I mean, we just had to tie
my wife down to the bed.
I've never done anything
like that before in my life.
Well, except
that one time
When the kids
were away at camp.
Mr. aglet...
I don't know what's
wrong with your wife,
But I'll certainly
do all I can
To find out.
[Suspenseful music playing]
[Turns music off]
Hello, Nancy.
I must say, you
certainly don't look
Anything like you did
a few minutes ago.
[Demonic voice]
I am the devil!
Well...
I guess that means
that you and I have gone
From being friends
to being enemies.
I am far more powerful
than you can ever imagine.
Maybe...
However, you are
but one being.
I represent the belief
of far more people.
Did you know that
the Christian religion
Has over
a billion followers?
Big deal. So does
the wheel of fortune.
So, don't try to impress me
with numbers.
I hate all forms
of religion.
And I hate all who
do not bow in my presence,
No matter if they call
themselves a baptist,
A protestant, a catholic,
or a Jew!
Oh, God bless you.
Silence!
Watch yourself, boy.
The last collar jockey
who screwed with me
Ended up with
a dislocated shoulder.
You can't frighten me.
They found it
in Baltimore.
By the way...
How would you like
a little souvenir
From my last conquest?
Father brophy,
Meet father mayii.
I never thought that
looked like me. I-i...
Does that look like me?
I think it looks more
like Phil donahue.
You silly,
weak fool!
Putting so much faith
In a God you've
never even seen before.
I don't need
to see him,
For the Bible says
that God created man
In his own image.
Oh, yeah.
Then how do you explain
pee-wee Herman?
All right...
If you really
are the devil,
Then why don't
you prove it?
How about you do
something supernatural?
Not impressed, huh?
Well, how about
if I...
Make the film break?
[Snapping and fizzling]
Oh. Of... of course
I love you. Yeah.
This evening, 8:30.
Tonight? No, no.
No feathers. We'll use
the whole chicken.
Ahem.
Father brophy
was very disturbed.
[Door closes]
So, father,
what happened?
It may sound
unbelievable,
But my guess
is that Nancy is...
[Dramatic music playing]
Possessed
by the devil.
Yeah, I knew it!
He said
it's only a guess!
I still say
it's p.M.S.
Mayii: As father brophy drove
from the aglet home,
A great fear welled up
within him
Like a big sneeze.
You feel it build,
But you know you can't stop it
Without making your ears plug up
And a bubble come out
of your nose.
How could he,
A young, inexperienced priest,
Do battle alone
with the dark lord himself?
Then, it came to him
Like a sign from heaven.
[Brakes screeching]
Man: Hey, hey!
I can't see nothing!
What are you doing up there?
Second man:
What's going on?
Is that you?
Hey, get up!
Mayii: The young priest
had read about
The exorcism I had performed
in 1973
As well as my 17-year
decline into oblivion.
But he tried to call me anyway.
Mayii: Strangely, my number
kept ringing busy.
Was it Satan's trickery at work?
Or was it just my party line?
[Noise maker blows]
[People laughing
and cheering on phone]
If he had reached me,
I would have told him
not to come.
I was weak and tired,
Listless, out of sorts, and...
My stools were a little loose.
Sister, I'm looking
for the room...
Hold out your hands.
Excuse me?
Hold out your hands.
Ow!
Don't run
in the hallways!
Now, what do you need?
Which room is father
Jedediah mayii in?
Upstairs on the left.
Thank you.
Ah-ah-ah!
Ow!
A fierce tornado smashed its way
Through an unpopulated,
Uninhabited stretch
of barren desert today...
[Yawns loudly]
Causing no noticeable damage
To an unspecified...
[TV sounds muffled]
[Knock knock knock
knock knock knock]
[Grunts]
[Knock knock knock
knock knock knock]
Yes?
Who is it?
Father mayii?
Yes, you may.
Father,
I'm father Luke brophy
From our lady
of the evening.
I'm terribly sorry
for coming by so late,
But there's someone who
desperately needs you,
Someone you helped
a long time ago.
Someone I helped
a long time ago?
Who?
Nancy aglet.
I don't, uh...
Recall the name.
Well, then maybe you'll
recall her exorcism.
Oh, good lord.
Oh!
Little Nancy velsmo.
Oh, that poor child.
That poor child.
She barely survived
the exorcism,
As did I.
And you say that
she needs my help?
I think Nancy has been...
[Dramatic music plays]
Repossessed.
[Inhales]
[Muffled]
Repossessed?
[Lens squeaking]
Repossessed?
How can you be sure?
She's displaying
all the main traits...
An ungodly voice,
Maniacal
facial expressions,
Violent spasms...
But that doesn't
prove a thing.
She could be
related to Joe cocker.
No.
Could it be
she has p.M.S.?
Father, I've seen her!
[Groans]
She's suffering
From something unholy.
Satan has taken
her soul again!
You have to help her!
I can't.
But you must!
I can't!
I said it, damn you.
[Groans quietly]
Father,
are you all right?
It's my heart.
It began at Nancy's exorcism.
That's why
I can't help you.
If Satan should find me
in this weakened condition,
He could take
possession of my soul
And become even stronger.
But if you can't
help her, who can?
I don't know.
[Whispering]
I don't.
I don't.
But... good lord, yes!
You could do it.
You're young.
You're strong.
[Echoing voice]
Luke...
It is your destiny.
There's no way.
You see, there's something
that I haven't told you.
I think I've
lost my faith.
Luke!
I never want to hear you
Say anything
like that again.
Now, why...
Why don't you...
Look at it like this.
Maybe this is God's way
of reaffirming your faith.
While you're
saving Nancy's soul,
You're also saving your own
soul at the same time.
After all, God does work
in strange ways, doesn't he?
Yes. Yes, he does.
Good.
You've given me a lot
to think about, father.
Good night, and, uh...
God bless you.
God bless you, son.
Now, you have a great
deal of work to do.
And Luke...
[Echoing voice]
May the faith be with you.
Man, on TV: This just in.
Father mayii has once again
Wormed his way out of
yet another exorcism.
Father mayii.
Yes?
Wasn't it hard to...
To live with yourself
After completely
wimping out
And allowing a wuss
like father Luke
To go up against Satan
all by himself?
I mean, didn't
you feel like
A complete piece
of gutless, spineless,
Primordial slime?
Next question.
Mayii: Luke knew little
about the ritual of exorcism,
So he arranged for a meeting
With the supreme council
for exorcism grantings.
You looking for father Luke?
Wrong window.
He's 4 windows
to your right.
Mayii: His stomach was acting
up like a schnauzer in heat.
Would they believe him?
Would they mock him?
Would they validate his parking?
He turned to the good book
for comfort.
[Coins clicking]
[Machine humming]
Father brophy?
Please come in.
Father brophy,
I am father Crosby.
Father stills...
Father Nash...
And father young.
[b*at boxing]
Brophy, rapping:
* I'm gonna tell you all
* about a mother who's fly
* I'm talkin' 'bout
my home boy *
* father mayii
* he cast out the devil
* and he didn't even yell
* and now the fool is coolin'
* in a place called hell
* all the catholics
in the house *
* say ho-o
All: Ho-o!
Crosby:
Does anyone know where...
Oh, there you are, Ernest.
I'm sure you know Ernest
and Fanny rae weller.
Hello.
Hello!
[Dog whimpers]
Oh, foo-foo
says hello, too!
All: Hi, foo-foo!
[Laughs]
Sit, sit,
sit, sit, sit.
With all due
respect, father,
What are they doing here?
The wellers are our guests.
It's all part of the
interfaith exchange program
The church has adopted.
I see.
We understand that you are
presenting evidence
Regarding possible
demonic possession.
Please begin.
[Upbeat piano music begins]
* I was minding my business
* when the devil
walked in on me *
* waving his hands, said
* come on, just follow me
* so i... i looked him
in the eyes *
* and I showed him to the door
* and I told him to get lost
* 'cause I've been there
once before *
* don't wanna be
* re-re-re
* repossessed
* re-re-re
* repossessed
Brophy:
And for these reasons...
I feel an exorcism
is warranted.
Do you have
any further information
That we might
want to consider?
Did I mention that
Mrs. aglet also...
Gave me a little head?
I pray you grant
this exorcism.
If I may...
[Arf]
[Grr]
It is my opinion that
he has indeed proved
That an exorcism
is necessary.
Furthermore...
Why don't we televise
this exorcism?
Both: Hmm.
Come on.
[Giggles]
[Dog growls]
[Arf]
[Grr]
Well, Mr. financial
advisor.
What do you think
of my plan?
Ever since your little
midnight liaisons
With that boy's choir
went public,
The ministry's contributions
have gone down dramatically.
Your plan better net
$6 million in 2 weeks,
Because if it doesn't,
The word on the street is...
Your ministry is history.
Aaron, why don't
you just...
Lighten up.
Fanny rae:
Come on, now,
Go get the ball
from daddy.
Come on!
Ha ha!
[Toy squeaks]
[Arf]
Oh, no... Oh...
Oh, Ernest!
Look what I did
to my new dress!
And do you know how much
this cost our followers?
Oh, no, just
look at this mess.
What am I gonna do?
[Arf arf arf]
Foo-foo?
Foo-foo!
Ernie, where's foo-foo?
Audience: Bye, foo-foo!
So, Mr. weller.
They say you have a great
idea for my network.
Well, Mr. tartastein,
This special
is called...
Ernest and Fanny's
exorcism tonight.
It will be
broadcast live
Throughout the entire
world via satellite.
It will air continuously
until the final outcome.
All the
commercial proceeds
Go to your network.
And all
the phone donations
Come to my ministry.
You don't mind
doing business
With the devil, do you,
Mr. tartastein?
Ha. Are you kidding?
How do you think love boat
got on the air?
So, do we have a deal?
We have a deal.
May Ernest and Fanny's
exorcism tonight
Be this network's
biggest ratings bonanza!
Father mayii?
Yes?
Have you adhered
strictly
To your vow of celibacy?
Yes, I have.
Me, too.
I'm not surprised.
Mine was by choice.
[Door closes]
Mrs. aglet?
Heh heh.
Hear my words,
demon.
I will cast thee from
this poor woman's soul,
Because thou art
the prince of darkness,
The epitome
of all evil.
Eat sh*t and die.
Let's see
Geraldo Rivera top this.
Wait till they
get a load of me.
[Laughs evilly]
I had no way of knowing
The forces of evil were
growing ever more powerful.
But somehow I sensed...
It was not Nancy aglet
the devil wanted.
He wanted me,
And, by God,
I had to be ready.
So I decided to not only
revitalize my faith
But to restore my physical
strength as well.
As they say
in greenwich village...
To tighten and tone my buns.
Excuse me. Uh,
I'm father mayii.
I called...
Hey, padre!
How you doin'?
I've been
expecting you.
Are you ready for
the workout now?
What are we gonna
work on today?
Pecmans?
Buttissimo?
Ah, the old
abba dabbas
Look a little
soft, huh?
I beg your pardon...
First things first.
Let's put this
on your wrist.
What is that?
Ok, this is a digital
heart monitor.
When your heart rate
Reaches a certain
stress level,
It beeps.
The harder you pump,
The faster it beeps.
Oh.
Hi there, sailor.
Heh. Heh. Sailor.
You know...
He must think this
is a naval uniform.
[Women giggling]
[Women giggle]
Oh...
[Monitor beeping]
Hey, your holiness.
You ok?
Well, let's rock
and roll! Come on!
No, no, I don't want to go
to the women's gymnasium.
Ah, your h-ness,
this is the 90s.
Everybody's doing it
together. Come on.
Oh, i... i just
remembered.
I have another
appointment.
Padre, listen to me.
First of all,
You can't work out in this.
Let's go put some real
workout clothes on.
How you doing?
Mind keeping that
door closed, please?
What do you say
we start sweating...
For the lord.
But I really...
Come on. Here we go.
Excuse me.
Hi, father.
Is there a convention
in town?
[Technotronic's
pump up the jam begins]
* pump up the jam
* pump it up
* while your feet are thumpin'
* and the jam is pumpin'
* look at here
the crowd is jumpin' *
* pump it up
* a little more
* get the party going
on the dance floor *
* see, 'cause that's
where the party's at *
* and you'll find out
if you do that *
* I don't want
All right, father.
You wanna concentrate now.
Back straight, stomach in
nice and tight, ok?
This is a great exercise
for the inner thigh.
When I count to 3,
Breathe normally,
And ease out slowly.
Ready? Come on, now.
One...
2...
Ah!
* make my day
* make my
[Effeminately]
Well...
Hello there.
How you doing?
I always wanted to have
a personal trainer.
Excuse me,
I'm looking for a man.
Oh, no, you go find
one of your own.
This one's
already taken.
Check, please.
* while your feet
are thumpin' *
* and the jam is pumpin'
* look at here
the crowd is jumpin' *
* pump it up a little more
* get the party goin'
on the dance floor *
* see, 'cause that's where
the party's at *
Slowly.
There you go.
[Exhales]
Let's go for 10, ok?
Father mayii,
I'm so glad I found you.
I went to visit you
at the home, but...
The sister at the front
desk said you were here.
Luke, you look
troubled.
But then, you've always
looked troubled.
The supreme council
has granted the exorcism.
Well, thank God.
There's a catch,
I'm afraid.
Have you heard of
Ernest weller?
The evangelist with the
wife and matching dog?
Weller has convinced them
to televise the exorcism.
What?
My God!
That charlatan!
That hypocrite!
Ah!
Ah!
There. You see?
Someone else who knows
that it's wrong.
You're a good man,
Larry.
It's a sacrilege.
It's a travesty.
Televised exorcism?
I can't believe that
they'd do such a thing!
Well, they claim that it
will convert millions.
Millions!
In weller's pocket!
The man is a thief!
He's a swindler!
He's a crook posing
as a man of God!
That's the spirit,
father!
Together, we can do it!
No, Luke.
Ah!
[Crash]
Think of Nancy, father.
You're the only one
with the experience.
No, Luke, I do not
have the strength.
You must do it.
Raise up your faith, Luke.
Make it a giant
sword against Satan.
Remember...
Faith can move mountains.
Yeah!
* pump up the jam
* pump it up
* while your feet
are thumpin' *
* and the jam is pumpin'
* look at here
the crowd is jumpin' *
* pump it up
* a little more
* get your party goin'
on the dance floor *
* see, 'cause that's
where the party's at *
* and you'll find out
if you do that *
* I don't want
* a place to stay
* get your Booty
on the floor tonight *
* make my day
* I don't want
* a place to stay
* get your Booty
on the floor tonight *
* make my day
6...7...
Good, let's switch!
One... 2...
3...4...
5...6...
7...
And reach to the side.
And one! Come on!
Bend! 3 and 4!
5, 6, 7.
Twist again.
Feel it,
come on, work it!
4...5...
6...7...
Now the upper arms reach.
Come on. 3, 3, 5.
6. Forward!
Forward.
2, 3, faster!
1, 2, 3, 4.
Come on, summer's coming!
Get those butts in gear!
2, 3, 4.
Let's work with
doggy kicks.
Come on!
And higher!
[Whimpers]
3...4...
5...Come on!
Get it up!
Here we go!
8...7...
6...5...
[Arf]
4... You've got 3!
[Beeping]
2... One...
8 more!
8... Whoo!
7...
I can't do it
alone, father.
You can, Luke.
And you must.
But I'm afraid
to be defeated
In front of millions.
That didn't stop Mike Tyson.
Luke, remember...
When you fall on your face,
you're still moving forward.
My heart is weak,
and I'm too old.
And I will not participate
in this... This...
Sacrilegious circus.
You see, now I've
lost my glasses.
Please, I want you
to leave me alone.
I don't want to hear
any more about it.
* pump up the jam
* pump it up
Young man...
I was just in the
locker room there,
And all my clothes
have been stolen.
I want you to know,
I think that, uh, someone
here in the gymnasium
Has a very
serious problem.
Padre...
I think it's you with
the serious problem.
What?
Father?
Are these your
glasses?
Oh, thank you,
my child.
What problem?
I don't have
any problems.
I... i...
Oh...
[Monitor beeping]
Oh!
Are you all right,
father?
Easy, your holiness.
[Groaning]
Easy, man.
Father?
[Gasps]
Oh, mommy!
Oh, mommy, no!
N-n-not my mommy!
Daddy...
[Murmuring]
* yo, pump it, pump it
[expl*si*n]
Announcer: Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
I'm army archerd,
Welcoming you to the greatest
television event of all time.
Ernest and Fanny's
exorcism tonight!
[Applause and cheering]
We have a tremendous
audience here
At global television studios,
Waiting in anticipation
Of the greatest names
in show biz.
Is it... and look who's there!
It's Sean penn!
[Applause]
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
And wait a minute!
Here they are,
The courageous couple who will
be dueling with the devil!
Ernest and Fanny rae weller!
[Applause and cheering]
Could we get you
to come up?
Can we get you
to come up?
Oh, good.
How are ya?
How are ya?
Hi, Ernest.
Hi! Ha ha!
Hi! Hi, everybody!
How are you?
Just fine. Hello.
And everybody say hello
to kit-Kat!
All: Hello, kit-Kat!
[Meow]
First off, do you
have some words
For the group here?
Fanny: Oh, yes, I do.
I want you to go home
and tune in the show!
[Applause and cheering]
Oh, poo.
This ensemble just
doesn't look right.
You mind if
I change, honey?
Just hurry up. We're on
the air in 5 minutes.
Ok.
You know, Ernie, I just
feel a little bit nervous
About coming face to face,
You know, with the devil
and all.
[Sighing]
Relax.
Mrs. aglet
is not the devil.
She is just a nut
with a bad complexion
Who thinks
she is possessed.
Oh, well,
whatever you say.
Oh, there!
Now, I'll just look perfect
when I sing my song!
[Giggles]
I can't wait.
Heh heh.
Remember, now, honey...
You promised!
Ok, daddy.
[Coughing]
Unh.
Unh.
Aw.
[Whistling]
[Crowd chattering]
Cue.
Woman:
Settle down.
Cue announcer.
Live from Hollywood, it's...
Ernest and Fanny's
exorcism tonight!
[Applause]
Army: And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
Ernest and Fanny rae weller!
[Applause and cheering]
Ernest: God bless...
All of you.
Every one of you.
My friends...
Tonight...
Is soon to become...
The single most
important night
In the history of mankind...
Because tonight...
Millions of you...
Will witness...
As we rid the vile spirit...
Of Satan himself
From the soul
of Mrs. Nancy aglet!
All: Praise the lord!
And assisting us
in tonight's exorcism
Is father Luke brophy.
[Faint applause]
And now, believers...
And non-believers...
From the bowels
of hell...
I bring you...
The devil!
[Growling]
[Audience boos]
[Growling fiercely]
[Laughs evilly]
Gee, mom looks
terrible!
Well, they say TV does
add 10 pounds to you.
With the blessing
of the lord...
Let's start
this exorcism.
I command that
thy putrid spirit
Leave the holy being
of this child of Jesus.
I cast thee back to hell.
To hell!
I cast thee
back to hell!
To hell!
I cast thee
back to hell!
Why don't you leave me
A picture and resume
at the door
And I'll get back
to you, ok?
[No audio]
[No audio]
[No audio]
[No audio]
Oh, you think you're tough?
You're so tough?
How come you possessed
a woman's body?
You get off wearing
women's clothing?
[Hisses]
[No audio]
[Wind gusting]
* well, they call
this guy a devil *
* and he's got
a heart of stone *
* so if you want him
to get lost *
* just go pick up your phone
* make a pledge to Jesus
* from the comfort
of your home *
* for if you do, I promise you
* the devil will start to moan
[Toilet flushes]
[Drum roll]
These just
arrived for you.
Back on the air
in 10 seconds.
This is wonderful.
Wonderful!
What's it say, honey?
You'll see.
You will see.
Friends,
Fred tartastein,
The president
of this network,
Has just informed me
that we are being viewed
By the largest audience
in television history.
[Applause]
We got no time
to celebrate right now,
'Cause we have an exorcism
to perform.
In the name
of almighty God.
Ernie...
Watch out with those
special effects.
Those aren't our effects.
[Humming]
Setting off
the sprinkler system.
[All shouting]
Quiet!
Do you realize we have
an awful lot in common?
We both use people
and then dump them
When they're no longer
of use to us.
I used you to get
The largest audience
in history.
And now, you're
no longer necessary.
What do I do
With a couple
of jackasses like you?
Ha ha ha! That's it.
Look! What's over there?
Oh!
What the...
Aah!
Walk this way!
Enough with the water.
To all the people
of the world,
Welcome.
Now that I have your
undivided attention,
Why don't we all get
a little bit closer?
Ohh.
That's much better.
[Imitating Barbara walters]
Hello, I'm Barbara Walters,
And this is 20/20.
Aah. I always
wanted to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is father brophy,
We have an emergency.
I beg of you,
if you're a man of God,
Please rush to the global
television studios
In Hollywood, California...
Oh, sorry
for the young priest's
Emotional outburst.
[Whispering] He hasn't
done much TV, you know.
But I'd like all you
viewers at home now
To gather
around your TV sets.
'Cause I have something
very special to...
TV...
Satan's spirit
flew out of the TV!
Ahh...
You think you've
stopped me,
But think again.
'Cause I know
Another way to reach
those people!
Satan, stop!
Where do you think
you're going?!
I'm going to Disneyland!
Stop! Or I swear,
Father mayii will burn
in hell forever!
You can't burn
what you don't have.
Burn this!
[Batmobile engine]
And that's why
producers like blonde,
17-year-old coeds
as their assistants.
Look out!
Man, I didn't know this
tour had a stunt show!
* chasin' the devil
chasin' the devil *
Ha ha ha ha!
Whoa!
* blood on the ground
* sky turns black,
night burns out *
* lightning flashing
in her eyes *
* word's the devil's
at her side *
* here he comes, heaven-sent
* proud to be so innocent
* he don't seem to realize
* the devil's runnin'
at his side *
* chasin' the devil
chasin' the devil *
* chasin' the devil
Wow.
You guys don't
waste any time.
Come on, let's go!
Aah! Ha ha ha!
* chasin' the devil
chasin' the devil *
* chasin' the devil
* chasin' the devil
chasin' the devil *
* chasin' the devil
Over there!
Ohh, what'd I do
to deserve this?!
* watch them now,
here they come *
Stop, you monster!
* think they got him
on the run *
* devil's laughing
'cause he hides *
* right next to them
at their side *
* chasin' the devil
chasin' the devil *
* chasin' the devil
Ah, what's the matter?
Can't take the heat,
rookie? Ha ha ha!
Ahh!
I, the all-powerful
prince of darkness,
Command all that is evil
To unite as one
in my presence... Now!
Ha ha ha ha!
[Thunder]
Ah, yes!
Not bad, eh?
Now watch,
Through the use
of modern electronics,
As I turn millions
of your couch potatoes
Into my disciples!
Ha ha ha!
Yes!
Freeze, pukeface!
Think you're man enough
for a real challenge?
A challenge?
From you?
Oh, don't make me laugh.
My skin will cr*ck.
Not me... Mayii.
Mayii?!
Oh, that old geezer
stopped slinging
Holy water years ago.
Not before he kicked
your slimy butt.
No way!
I-I could've taken him.
The fight was fixed.
I want a rematch!
You got it.
[Thunder]
Ha ha ha!
This is it, America!
The event you've all
been waiting for.
Hi, I'm
mean gene okerlund,
Along with Jesse
"the body" ventura,
Bringing you the
ultimate confrontation
Of good against evil.
Now, there's
a man out there,
Who many years ago
Banished me from the
very soul I now possess.
He humiliated me!
And now, I've come back
to settle matters.
And I'm not leaving
Until I have his
stinking, rotten soul.
Father mayii!
Where are you?
I know you're watching.
Because this is
Wednesday night,
And everybody knows
the other networks
Don't have d*ck
to watch tonight.
So, do we
do battle again?
Or do you cherry out
And let me keep
this soul forever?
What do you say, mayii?
[Whispering] No...
No!
By God, you may not!
The belle from hell
Versus the dove
from above
In a one-soul, anything
goes match-up, Jess.
It doesn't get any better
than this, mean gene,
But everyone knows
mayii's got a bad ticker.
So Las Vegas oddsmakers
have listed him
As a 25 to 1 underdog.
You call this a tip,
you cheap bastard?!
He doesn't stand
a sh*t in hell!
Father brophy!
Luke!
Luke!
Father, what are you...
Were you watching on TV?
Yes. I had to come.
I had no choice.
Well, what about
your heart?
Don't worry about that.
I brought it with me.
Father,
this could k*ll you.
Yes. Yes, but that's
irrelevant.
Satan is fighting
to take control here.
Well, I'm not
so sure.
Remember, his
opponent is a woman.
Nice tits, sure,
But a face
I wouldn't want to
Wipe my feet on.
Ever hear of a paper bag?
My money's on mayii.
Satan: Mayii!
And they wonder
why priests
Never get married.
Now, Luke, I'm going
to need your assistance,
But if you are still
lacking in faith,
You may be more harm
than good.
Are you?
No way.
You can count on me.
Good.
Now, just remember
one thing:
The devil is
always trying
To take over your mind.
He'll lie to you,
he will deceive you.
He will totally try
to manipulate you.
So do not listen
to anything
That he has to say.
He's worse than
a studio executive.
Understood?
Understood.
Worse than
a real estate agent,
A divorce attorney...
I got it.
Right.
All right, then.
Let's go.
[Imitating Carol ann]
They're here...
Ah...
I see it pays to advertise
on television.
I think a little mood
lighting is appropriate.
Don't you?
There.
Have no fear,
my son.
We have the Bible,
we have our faith.
And as a back-up,
these beauties.
That's an illegal
foreign object!
Jesse, what do you
know about fairness?
I'll show you fairness!
Are you just
about finished?
It's been
a long time, mayii.
I've waited an eternity
to do to you
What you did to me
all those years ago.
Before I do,
I've got something...
Special for you.
That is disgusting,
mean gene!
I have never seen
a move like that
In all my years
of wrestling!
Whew!
So...
How do you like it?
Oh, you'll pay for that,
you bucket of cow dung.
How dare you, you...
How long has she
been in this condition?
A few days.
How does look?
Not too good.
She looks like
She's been existing
solely on airline food.
Your father wears
tight underwear!
And I can't stand
your mother!
Will you put
a sock in it?!
Jeez, what crawled up
your butt and d*ed?
Every night I prayed
To never again gaze
on your grotesque face,
Listen to your
venomous voice,
But with you right
in front of me now,
I thank God that I have
the opportunity
To boot your stinking
carcass back to hell,
You worthless,
you rotting,
You vulgar spirit.
Hey, hey, hey!
Where does it say
You can talk to me
like that?
Right here.
Oh, sure, you may feel
pretty cocky right now,
But you'll soon realize
That I am far
too powerful for you.
And I am a man of God.
And I fear no one,
Especially an unholy spirit
from an unsavory world.
Unsavory? Aw, come on.
You've got just as many
unsavory types here.
From those domino's
pizza delivery boys
To that idiot
in the back row
Who won't shut up
during the movie.
Enough!
This is meandering.
Father, my lunch bucket.
Holy water.
The church was closed.
The only place open
was a 7-11.
Ahh, thank you,
You've been
a lovely audience.
And next,
I'd like to do
My impression of
comedian don Adams.
[Imitating don adams]
Where's the chief, 99?
Do not get smart with me!
On a visit to the little
town of Bethlehem,
A young Shepherd
came upon Jesus,
Accepted him lord...
Lick me!
Lick me!
Lick me!
Oh, is this cool
or what?
It's the cone-ilingus move.
Why don't you
take a lick
Of this
candy stick,
You sissy boys!
Hee hee hee!
That's disgusting!
And the living Jesus
said unto him,
"He who is strong
in his belief of God
Shall have
his sins forgiven."
What a levitation move!
Jesus said unto him...
Father.
Luke, do not believe
what you are seeing.
It is merely
an illusion.
You sound like George Bush
on the deficit!
But she's floating
in midair.
Nancy: Hey!
What are you doing
With those scissors?
Hey!
Ohh!
Ouch!
That was the antigravity
backdrop. Wow!
Illegal, mean gene!
As I said, it is
merely an illusion.
Nancy: Oh, yes.
That may have been
an illusion.
But I know something
that's very real.
Your heart
condition!
[Groans]
[Heart b*ating]
Oh, but don't worry.
Far be it from me to
want to rattle you.
[Rumbling]
Unh!
Oh!
Say your prayers,
mayii.
Because soon
you'll be history.
That's enough!
In the name of God,
I demand you stop
this charade!
You... Demand?
You're not
in a position
To demand d*ck,
altar boy!
See, I know
all about you.
And why you really
joined the church.
Oh, sure.
They have a terrific
dental plan.
But that wasn't why.
Be quiet.
Ignore that
beast, Luke.
You joined the church
Because you had
no talents, no skills,
Were totally
untrainable,
And your s.A.T. Score
was under 400.
Shut up!
Don't listen!
So, you had 2 choices.
Either working
in the church,
Or the U.S. senate.
I said, shut up,
damn you! Shut up!
Don't listen, Luke!
* come and listen to a story
'bout a man named jed *
* a poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed *
[Screams]
Nancy: I just want
to thank you
For joining the church.
Because of you,
I'll be able to keep
This woman's soul
forever.
I have no right
calling myself a priest.
Luke!
Mayii: I have to ask
you to leave.
Aw, please, dad.
Can't he stay?
Tomorrow's not
a school day. Please?
Damn you!
I'll k*ll you
with my bare hands.
Aw, you take
your best sh*t,
You old fart.
Now, don't
take a look
At this picture
With your mother
in bed
With
Manuel noriega.
Aah!
[Heart b*ating]
[Groans]
[Laughs maniacally]
Aah!
Luke!
He's down! He's out!
It's a heart att*ck,
mean gene!
Massive cardiac.
What a wuss!
Father.
[Laughs mockingly]
Unh!
[Electric surge]
[Laughing]
[Heart b*ating]
Mean gene:
He's coming back,
Ladies and
gentlemen.
Oh! What a comeback,
Jesse ventura!
I don't believe it!
He was down and out
and finished!
[Growls]
So, you're
a hard man to k*ll.
[Blows a raspberry]
It might be easier
if you were a woman.
Sister mayii!
[Laughs]
* Kumbaya, my lord, Kumbaya
* Kumbaya, my lord, Kumbaya
* Kumbaya...
[Humming]
That guy even scares me,
mean gene.
Hi, yi, yi, yi!
[Singing Indian chant]
Well, it ain't
star search,
But I got
a million of these.
[Laughs]
[Imitating groucho marx]
This is the craziest exorcism
I've ever performed.
Hey!
Who are you?
[Imitating rambo]
I'm your worst nightmare.
Something's wrong.
Ahh!
Who needs steroids?
Steroids aren't used
in wrestling anymore.
[Softly]
Or any less.
[Imitating hans and franz]
And we are here to pump...
[Clap]
You up!
Hey!
You're nothing
but a little girly devil.
Satan!
Satan, you got him
on the run.
What move you gonna use next?
Next, I'm gonna grab
a wrestler by his neck,
Suck out his eyeballs,
And spit 'em
down his throat!
What did she say?
She's talking to you,
mean gene.
Oh! Ooh! Oh!
In the name
of the holy father,
I anoint this woman's body
With the symbol
of God's goodness.
Ha ha! You missed!
You swine!
Ooh!
[Nancy laughs]
Your tricks have
no effect on me!
Father.
I'm seeing
a pattern here.
[Laughing]
You fiend!
Why am I a fiend?
I was talking
to her.
Well, you
were looking at me.
Well, you know!
I had nothing to do
with the water, Luke.
It came from over there
and it came from up there.
[Roars]
Luke!
Luke!
Leave her body!
Enter mine!
Enter mine!
[Both gasp]
Luke!
Oh, no!
He's innocent.
It's my body you want.
Enter me!
Enter me!
Enter me!
Enter me!
Father mayii?
Yes?
You may!
[Screams]
Father, don't!
[Growls]
[Nancy screams]
You talk about
your action, Jesse!
It looks like
a tr*nsv*stite battle royal!
[Laughing evilly]
Ooh...
Well, we almost had it
there for a second,
Didn't we?
Nice goin'.
Face it,
You guys can't
b*at me.
You're losers.
No one can destroy
What the devil
has created. Nyah!
If it takes
my last breath,
I'll prove you wrong.
What are we gonna do?
We tried everything,
Everything
the devil hates.
Prayers, holy water,
Sex, dr*gs,
and rock and roll.
Rock and roll?
Rock and roll?
We never tried that.
I hate
rock and roll.
Oh, you hate
rock and roll?
Well, wait till you
get a load of me!
[Devil with the blue dress
playing]
* hey
* all right
* jump up
* get it
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress, blue dress *
* devil with the blue dress on
* ooh, yeah
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress, blue dress *
* devil with the blue dress on
* Fe Fe fi fi fo fo fum
* lookin' mighty nice,
here she comes *
* wearin' a wig, hat,
and shades to match *
* got her high-heeled shoes
and an alligator hat *
* wearin' her pearls
and a diamond ring *
* she got bracelets on her
fingers now and everything *
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress on *
* devil with the blue dress on
* oh, have mercy
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress on *
* devil with the blue dress on
* wearin' her perfume,
chanel no. 5 *
* she got to be
the finest girl alive *
* she walks real cool,
catches everybody's eye *
* she got such good lovin',
they can't say good-bye *
* not too skinny,
she's not too fat *
* she's a real humdinger,
and I like it like that *
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress on *
* devil with the blue dress on
* hey, sing it now
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress, blue dress *
* devil with the blue dress on
Hello, 911?
This is the devil.
I'm being driven
back to hell
By loud music.
Could you...
[Click]
Hello? Hello?
* aah
* Fe Fe fi fi fo fo fum
* look it, once again,
here she comes *
* wearin' a wig, hat,
and shades to match *
* got her high-heeled shoes
and an alligator hat *
* wearin' her pearls
and a diamond ring *
* she got bracelets on her
fingers now and everything *
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress on *
* devil with the blue dress on
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress, blue dress *
* devil with the blue dress on
* devil with the blue dress,
blue dress, blue dress *
* devil with the blue dress on
[Music stops]
No!
There's no place
like home.
There's no place
like home.
Brophy: Nancy...
There's no place...
It's all over now.
Ooh!
Ooh!
Oh, father mayii!
You saved me
once again!
How can I ever
thank you?
Ooh!
Nancy, saving your soul
is thanks enough.
Good will always
triumph over evil.
But I'm confident now
That we have seen the
last of this vile demon.
Satan: Mayii!
I'll be back!
All: Ohh, sh*t.
So, it happened.
Victory over the devil.
A great day for mankind.
And a pretty good day
for split pea soup.
Nancy and Braydon are
a happy couple again,
And the kids
are just fine.
But now they're taking
acting lessons.
But that's not important
right now.
I have a very special
guest here for you.
Nancy aglet.
Now, I'm sure many
of you have questions
You'd like to ask.
Yes?
How do you feel
after all of this?
I feel wonderful.
Thanks for asking.
Man: Uh... Uh...
Yes?
No offense,
but I think
You're insulting
our intelligence.
I mean, honestly,
Do you expect us to
swallow this bullshit?
* re-re-re-repossessed
* re-re-re-repossessed
* oh, no
[Rap music playing]
* he's coming back
* he's coming back
* he's coming back
* he's coming
* he's back,
thought he was gone, Jack *
* now, in fact, he's back,
and that as a black *
* panther prowlin',
bound to att*ck *
* a child lost in the wild
* this was his prey:
A girl Nancy *
* would she get away?
Or could she? Can she *
* find a way out?
I doubt *
* if she could,
'cause the devil's all about *
* evil power ruling intended,
bad intentions always demented *
* through a TV set he sent it
* soul destroyer,
and he meant it *
* like before,
the curse will persist *
* part one of the exorcist *
* but this time father mayii's
twice as pissed *
* because once again
Linda Blair got dissed *
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* he' back,
and he's on a rampage *
* like a madman through a crowd
with a 12-gauge *
* shotgun, but this one's
the terrible ruler of hell *
* he makes lives unbearable
* ask father mayii
or father Luke *
* he seized Nancy's soul,
and he made her puke *
* up pea soup all over
a priest's suit *
* and I used to think
Linda Blair was cute *
* now she's haunted,
taken control of again *
* in the end, good will triumph
and always win *
* in the meantime, though,
you watch her head spin *
* it's 360, the face of sin
rapidly turnin' *
* bed posts burnin'
* it's gonna take a lot more
than some stupid silly sermon *
* to destroy him
or even annoy him *
* in his time of demonic,
chaotic mayhem *
* with the thrill of a chiller,
the devil ultimate k*ller *
* live on Ernest
and fannie rae weller's show *
* prime-time, so father mayii
and Luke are on the go *
* in the gyms and liftin',
movin', quickin' *
* buildin' confidence,
gettin' swift and *
* ready for butt-kickin'
at its best *
* 'cause Nancy's
been repossessed *
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* third verse, could you
believe it gets worse? *
* still in effect,
this damn curse came demon *
* d-e-v-i-l
* well, how can we send
the punk back to hell? *
* was the question asked
by two on a mission *
* restorin' the soul
to God-given condition *
* of life to Nancy's
body and veins *
* 'cause Satan crawled under
her skin and into her brains *
* like a psychoanalyst
analyzin' only bad parts *
* hypnotizin' the rest of 'em,
gettin' the best of 'em *
* testin' 'em,
soon possessin' 'em *
* in no time at all
* he makes h*tler
look like Lucille ball *
* this ain't a joke
or some kind of dream *
* put yourself into her scene
* possessed by the demon,
can't even scream *
* Jason can't even
join the team *
* he's too nice.
The devil's scheme is mean *
* to the fullest extent,
or so it would seem *
* the only thing the priests
have goin' on *
* is generic holy water evian
* they threw it on and saw
the wrong choice was chosen *
* wanted to use the real stuff,
but the church was closed *
* if the devil's got you runnin'
so hot you appear on TV *
* while millions watch you
exercisin' your live exorcism *
* yo, you know
how you're livin' *
* lousy.
Want to get back full control? *
* get back your given soul?
* play rock and roll
* he hates that
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
* the devil
* he's coming
* back
Repossessed (1990)
Moderator: Maskath3