Elmer, the Great (1933)

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The older Classic's that just won't die. Everything from before 1960's.
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Elmer, the Great (1933)

Post by bunniefuu »

Yeah, this is Gentryville.

Oh! Hello, Chicago!

Yeah, this is Gentryville, Indiana.

What did you say?

There ain't anybody at
our airport at this time of day.

No, sir.

Fact is, there ain't no phone there.

There ain't no building
there, neither.

Fact is, mister,
we ain't got no airport.

Well, I can't help it.
Don't blame me.

Where do they do what?

Oh. Generally speaking,
they land at the ballpark,

but that's 2 feet under snow.

Who?

Yeah, there's
an Elmer Kane lives here...

about a mile out of town.

Is that the Elmer Kane...
the ballplayer?

I'll say he's a ballplayer.

Well, uh, I'm flying
to Gentryville to get him.

What? You're coming here
in an airplane

just to see Elmer?

But don't tell anyone
in town I called, will you?

No, sir. I won't tell 'em.
I won't tell nobody.

No, sir. Good-bye.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, everybody!
Say, listen.

There's a man flying here all the
way from Chicago in an airplane

to get Elmer Kane.

Something very mysterious about it.

He don't want Elmer to know.

No, he don't want him to
know, so don't tell nobody.

Thanks a million.

I'll put it right in
the Gentryville journal.

Well, I'll be diggety-doggone.

All right. Thanks.
Thanks for the news.

Well, what do you know about that?

Some man flying all the way down
here from Chicago, just to see Elmer.

What? Flying all the way
down here from Chicago?

Flying all the way
down here from Chicago?

From Chicago?

Hello, Ben!

Howdy, Ben!
Hello, Nellie.

Elmer around?

No, he isn't.
He's off today.

It's Washington's birthday, you know.

Why?

Seems as how Elmer's
in a peck of trouble.

Elmer... in trouble?

I'll say he is.

There's some state
officer or government man

coming down here in an
airplane to get him.

What, get Elmer?
Yep.

It's likely something that happened

in terre haute last fall.

Oh, Elmer...

It's time to get up.

It's 2:00.

Elmer! Do you hear me?

Oh...

Sarah, set the table.

I'll start Elmer's breakfast.

Whoever heard of
anybody eating breakfast

at 2:00 in the afternoon?

If I had my way, I'd let the great
big lazy lummox starve to death.

Well, here we are.

This it?
Yep.

Hello, stranger.

Howdy, stranger.
Howdy.

How do, sir?

Oh, Nellie...

Is, uh, Elmer here?

- No.
- No? Aw, that's too bad.

I was hoping to pick him up here.

Is there anything I can do?

I'm sorry, miss, but I got
to see Kane personally.

I want to take him back with me.

Well, if you don't mind,
let's step in the back room.

Perhaps I can help you.
Why, surely.

Hey, Elmer! Wake up!

Guess I fell asleep.

Nellie's on the phone.
She wants to talk to you.

Yeah?

Terrible weather we're
having, ain't it?

Here's Elmer, ma!

Here's Elmer now.

It's Nellie, dear!

Yes? What does she want?

She wants to talk to you.

Well, what does she want
to talk to me about?

She didn't say.

Well, ask her.

Ask her yourself!

Here he is, dear.

Yes?

I said, yes?

Oh, hello, boss.
Didn't recognize your voice.

To see me?

Just got in town?

Yes? What's his name?

Wade?

The Chicago club?

Yes, well, what does he want?

Mr. Wade came down to see
you about your contract.

Well, you tell him
he's a-wastin' his time.

No, I don't want
to talk to him at all.

Sure, I knew
the Chicago club bought me.

What?!

Certainly.
I was notified...

Officially.

Why in the world didn't you tell me?

Let me talk to him.
Just a minute.

Well, I didn't tell nobody.

Gee, the Chicago Cubs!

No, boss.

I'm gonna stay right here
in Gentryville

and drive your delivery wagon
for you, like I always done.

You just tell that fellow Wade I
don't want to talk to him at all.

Here's your breakfast, Elmer.

I'll explain everything
to you tomorrow.

Got to go now.
My food's here.

Say, is that right?

Did Chicago really buy
you from terre haute?

Yes.

How's the ham, ma?

And you knew it all along, Elmer?

Sure, I did.

How's the ham, ma?

Everything's ready Elmer.

Is anything the matter?

Nothing's the matter with
me, except that I'm hungry.

They really want you
to join the Chicago Cubs?

Yes.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Right now, I'm gonna eat this food.

Imagine a crossroads apple knocker

high-hattin' the Chicago Cubs.

What kind of a chump is he, anyway?

He's one of the finest
young men you'll ever meet.

Oh, I see. It's that way.
I'm sorry.

Come on, Mr. Wade.

We'll go out to Elmer's
house and talk to him.

All right, Ben.
Go on!

Gee, ma, he may never get a chance like
this again, not in a thousand years.

Turning down the Chicago Cubs!

Do you know what that means, ma?

No. What does it
mean, Elmer?

Don't mean a thing
in the world to me, ma,

but it will probably
cost them the pennant.

Where's the pancakes?

Start the pancakes, Sarah.

If you go with the Chicago Cubs,

you're liable to turn out to be
the greatest batter in the world.

"Liable to turn out to be"?
Say, where do you get that?

Well, then, all right, you the
greatest batter in the world.

Didn't I always say you were?

Yes, but I had to
explain it to you first.

Any more potatoes, ma?

I think so, dear.
I'll see.

Now, leave him alone and
let him eat his breakfast.

Yes. You let me alone and
let me eat my breakfast.

I'm only talking for your own good.

Me, I'm just so excited, I
won't be able to sleep tonight.

Well, I will.

I think I'll take another
little nap before supper, too.

For a chance like this,

there's a million guys
would give their right arms.

That's the way I like ham cooked.

How can you talk about ham
at a time like this?

What time is it?

Here's the pancakes.

Sarah will be along with
some more in a minute.

Put 'em right down there, ma.

I'll dive right into 'em.

Sit down, ma, and let's
talk to this fella.

Why, he's got the chance of a lifetime...
a chance to be rich and famous.

Is that so, Elmer?

Let him rave, ma.
Let him rave.

This is liable to turn out to be

the most important day of his life.

Why? Because it's
Washington's birthday?

That's a corker, ma.

Where's the syrup?

Oh, heavens.
I forgot the syrup.

Would you like a piece
of apple pie, too?

Yes. Bring it in.
I'll flirt with it.

Why don't you want to go to Chicago?

Why? 'cause I hate places
I ain't never seen.

Aw, Elmer, you're crazy.

Is he still annoying you, Elmer?

Yes, he is. Did you
fetch the syrup?

Yes, and some more cakes.

Sarah's cutting the pie.
It's a fresh one.

Say, ma, can't we make him
talk sense, just for once?

You go away from the table, Nick,

and leave your brother alone.

Aw, he's just bullheaded.
That's all he is.

That's quite enough
out of you, Mr. Kane.

Gee, I wish I could bat like him!

Yes. So does Babe Ruth.

Aw, if you were only as
good as you think you are.

Say, I'm better than I think I am.

Yeah? Well, you're not
as good as Babe Ruth.

Who's Babe Ruth?

There you are. That's
how good Babe Ruth is.

Have a piece of gingerbread, Nick.

No, I don't want any.

I'm too darned excited to eat.

Go ahead.
Take a chunk.

Ain't nobody stoppin' you.

Can you imagine, ma, of Elmer
even getting to kn Babe Ruth?

Who on earth is this Babe Ruth?

Why, he's the greatest home
run hitter in the world!

The great bambino, the king of swat!

Why, he's the greatest
ballplayer that ever lived!

Is he, Elmer?

Well, I ain't sayin' a word, ma.

Here's your pie.

Want some doughnuts?

No, I don't think i...

of cour I want some doughnuts!

I wouldn't eat doughnuts on
top of pie, if I were you.

Why not? A plate of
doughnuts won't hurt him.

Give him strength. Ha!

And, Sarah, bring some
jam along with them.

Oh, all right.

Suppose that the Chicago Cubs
insist that you play with them?

Say, I'll play with the Chicago
Cubs or any other team...

Any time they want to
come here to Gentryville.

Elmer, I don't get you.

Neither does the Chicago Cubs.

Here's your jam.

No, I don't think I care
for any more now, Sarah.

I think if I had any more
now, it would spoil my supper.

Whoa.

Elmer, will you listen
to me for 5 minutes, huh?

Oh, that's fine.
Now...

It's Nellie, and she's got
a strange man with her.

Yes?
If it's that fellow Wade,

you tell him I ain't home.

Where are you going?

I'm going upstairs, and I
don't want to talk to nobody.

I got my reasons.

What's the matter with Elmer?

I'm going up and talk to him.

He can't get away
with that kind of stuff.

Hello, Nellie!
Hello, Mrs. Kane.

Isn't it terrible
weather we're having?

Mrs. Kane, this is Mr. Wade
of the Chicago Cubs.

Pleased to meet you.

Mrs. Kane, this is an honor...
a great honor, indeed.

What a proud mother you must be

to realize that you
brought into the world

a boy who will turn out to be one of
the greatest ballplayers in america.

Sounds kind of good, doesn't it?

Yes, but the trouble is that
Elmer don't seem to be interested.

Not interested?

It's all so confusing to me.

Oh, ma! Elmer wants
to see you!

Excuse me.
I must run up and talk to him.

He's not interested.

Mr. Wade, this is
Elmer's brother Nick.

How are you, Sonny?
How do you do, Mr. Wade?

Gee, I'm sorry about Elmer.

He won't see you at all.

Say, what's the matter
with him, anyway?

I don't know.
I don't understand him.

He'll surely listen to his mother.

Aw, not a chance.

He twists ma around his little finger.

Well, it looks like cold
turkey and no dice to me.

There's no use in my sticking
around here any longer

if the fellow won't even see me.

Mr. Wade, please don't leave
town until I say the word.

I may be able to manage this.

Will you let me take that
contract you mentioned?

Oh, Kane's contract.
Yes, you bet.

And say, listen.

If you can get his moniker on that,

I'll buy you the finest...

no, you needn't buy me anything.

I'm more anxious about
this thing than you are.

Run along and give me
a chance at him alone.

I think I have an idea.

That's swell. Thanks.

So long, kid.

Good-bye, Mr. Wade.

Sometimes I wish I'd
never been born...

Never even seen a baseball.

Take me to town.

Yes, sir. Giddap!

It's about time that
fellow took a hint.

He's going.

You must go down and talk to Nellie.

Oh, all right, mom.

I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind.

Bringin' fellas like that around here!

If Elmer would only listen to me!

There he is now.
You talk to him.

Hello, boss.

Hello, Elmer.

Come here. I want
to talk to you.

I wish you hadn't brought
that fellow Wade out here.

I told you over the telephone just
how I felt about the whole thing.

And why do you feel that way?

Oh... i got my reasons.

Is it because you're
afraid to go to Chicago?

Afraid to go to Chicago?

Say, I wasn't afraid
to go to terre haute.

No, I mean because it's a big league.

Is that what scares you?

Scares me? Say, listen.
I'll take all the pitchers

on all 16 clubs in both leagues

and make 'em look as though they
never had a ball in their hand.

Is that what that fellow Wade thinks...

that I'm scared?

Well, he's got to think something.

Yeah. Well, if he said it to
me, I'd sock him on the chin.

Elmer, did you get into
any trouble in terre haute?

Who, I?
I should say I didn't.

I won every game for 'em...

won it myself.

Chicago paid $10,000 for you.
Did you know that?

I didn't get none of it.

Oh, that's the reason you won't go.

I wouldn't go if they paid a million.

But you can't play anywhere else.
You belong to Chicago.

Oh, no, I don't.

I belong right here in Gentryville.

That's where I belong.

Look at this.

What is it?

A contract... all ready for you to sign.

Yes? Well, I ain't
ready to sign it.

Then you're out of baseball, if
you know anything about the game.

I ain't gonna sign it.

Well, you know, this
doesn't mean anything to me.

The only reason I'm interested
is because of your mother.

I think you owe it to her.

You don't think I'm getting
paid to do this, I hope.

No, boss.
I know better than that.

Elmer, what's the reason
for you acting this way?

Nobody can understand it.

Why do you want to stay in
a one-horse town like this

when you've got a chance
to get out and be somebody?

There's no future for you here.

What is it?

What is it? Why don't
you tell somebody?

Look at that.

I never thought I'd get up
courage enough to show it to you.

That's the first time anyone's
ever seen that, outside of myself.

I snitched it out of your ma's
album and cut it down to fit.

That's 3 years ago, and it's
been in that watch ever since.

What do you mean, Elmer?

Gee, boss. Don't you
know what I mean?

No.

I'm miserable.

I go around in a daze all the time.

I dream about you when
I go to sleep at night.

Even when I'm eating,
I think about you.

And sometimes when I'm driving
the delivery wagon during the day,

I make believe you're sitting
on the seat beside me,

and I talk to you...

Just like you was there.

No matter what I do,
I can't get my mind off you.

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

I know I got a lot of crust
to even have such thoughts,

but this has been going on for years

and getting worse every day.

I'm sorry, boss.

Please forgive me.

Do you mind if I keep this in here?

I don't suppose...

I don't suppose I've got
a chance in the world

to have a...
I mean... With you.

I'm sorry, Elmer.

You ain't gonna hate me, are you?

No.

You don't know how sorry I am, Elmer.

Oh, yes, I do.

I ain't no darn fool altogether.

I don't think you ought to come
to the store anymore, Elmer.

No?

No.

I guess you're right.

I'm sure I am.
Will you tell your mother

that I'll see her during the week?

I must go along now.
I've got a lot to do.

Good-bye.

Hey, Nick! Nick!

- Ma!
- What's the matter?

See if you can catch Nellie.
Give her this.

Oh! You mean, you've signed!
You're going!

Yes. Are you
satisfied now?

Oh, boy! Hooray!

Ma, Elmer's going!
He signed!

Hey, Nellie!

So... Nellie convinced
you, did she?

I'll say she did.

Nellie! Elmer signed the
contract and everything!

Oh, boy, oh, boy!
The Chicago Cubs!

Oh, is that great, huh?!

Thanks, Nick.

Oh, that's all right.
Well, good-bye!

He finally listened
to me! Ha!

Whee!

What's the matter, son?

What's happened, Elmer?

Oh, nothing.
I'll be ok in a minute.

Must be something I ate, I guess.

Come on!

Get ahold of one!

I got it!

Ha! He must be dead
or something.

Yeah, from the neck up.
He's all worn out.

I had him looking around for the key

to the pitcher's box for over an hour.

Nature in the raw!

And the gall of that yank,

the way he went strutting

and freewheeling around that lobby.

Maybe we'd ought to rub
some arnica on his head.

You know, he's got
a big swelling there.

I tell you what we'll do.

Let's give him a big hooray
with the nightmare dummy.

That's a good idea.

This ought to be good.

One dummy against the other.

Don't hit him!

Hey!

Who done that?!

Come on, you fellas!
Get back on the field there.

Cut out the clowning, Kane.

You know, we're here for training.

Oh, I don't need no training.

Oh, I know that, Elmer,

but captain Sutton wants
you to show the boys

how you stand up and swing when you slam
out those famous home runs of yours.

Oh, it's hitting you want.

Yeah.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Hey, you fellas are in the way here!

Get back there.

Ok, Elmer.

They want a hitter.

Well, if it ain't my
old roomie, High-Hips!

Hiya, High!

Hi, Elmer.

Hey, look where you're throwing!

You know, Wade is sure this
fellow Kane is another Babe Ruth.

Yes, I know.
We had 5 Babe Ruths here

at this training camp
at this time last year.

Hey, McSweeney!
Let's see some of your stuff.

Yes, sir.

Ha ha! Try to keep 'em in
the park, will you, fella?

Isn't he the new paint job...

fresh and all wet.

A typical rookie.

Pitches are kind of low in
this league, High, ain't they?

First day out.

Feeling pretty good, at that.

Shucks. That one
hit the fence.

I'll put the next one over,

but I'm always afraid
of breaking windows.

Imagine... fresh from the
bush league, and hitting off

the 3 best pitchers in
america without half trying.

Say, who is them pitchers out
there that I'm knocking around?

They're not pitchers.

They're a couple of
second basemen rookies.

Rookies?

Sure. We're all rookies
out here today.

The regulars don't start
training till Saturday.

Rookies! Well,
I'm no rookie!

I didn't come out here to play
with a lot of dumb rookies.

Hey, where are you going?

I'm going out to look up a timetable.

Aaah!

Now I'm twice as mad!

Now, get a load of this and
let it soak through that ivory.

You've got to lay off this guy
Kane, and I don't mean maybe.

I told you fellas, the
soft pedal on that kiddie.

I know he's a fathead, but lay off.

And I don't want any of
you to hurt his feelings!

We can't afford to lose him.

And get this... i'm going to
nurse this guy and keep him

if I have to fire the whole outfit

and build a new team around him.

Well, I think I can speak
for the boys, Mr. Walker.

You know, Kane's attitude
was all wrong from the start.

Gee, you'd think we were a bunch
of rookies, that line he hands us.

And you can't tell him nothing.
He acts as if he wrote the game.

And for a guy that's just breaking in,

he's the freshest egg I ever met.

He hasn't got the sense
of humor of a Guinea pig.

But an appetite like
a boa constrictor.

Since he found out they
serve meals in the room,

he has one breakfast upstairs,

then goes down and has another one.

No, no, fellas.

He's only sassy and ignorant.

You can't blame a guy because
he ain't had no education.

He's just misfortunate.

Let's give him a loving cup.

Never mind the sarcasm.

I mean it. If we're going
to humor the sacred cow,

let's go at it right.

Now, that's not
a bad idea, Mr. Walker.

Maybe if we keep on
telling him how good he is,

well, he'll stop telling us.

Anything that will keep
him happy is ok by me.

Kane's quit again.

He's all packed and everything,

and I had to talk awful
fast to stop him, too.

I told him we had a great
big surprise for him.

He's on the way down here now.

Yeah, but what's the big surprise?

I got it! Elmer's nuts
to talk over the radio,

and Johnny Abbott and I
framed a swell gag.

Oh, he'll love this!
Come on, Johnny.

Here he is now.

Wait a minute.
We'd better not be in here.

No.

Get ready for him, now.

Hi, fellas.

Hello, miss Cory.
How are you today?

They said Mr. Wade
was in here.

Greetings, miss Cory.

Gee, you've just arrived in
time to catch a great act.

Yeah. Just relax and
take a seat on the aisle.

You're about to meet a real old-time,

all-American dumb cluck and saparoo.

Wait till you get a load of this guy.

Come on, let's get it ready.

Who is he?
You'll find out.

Shh. Who's there?

Mr. Kane!

Oh, hello, Elmer.
Come right in, Elmer.

Where's Wade?
Said you had a big surprise for me.

Well, first of all, we want
you to meet miss Evelyn Cory

of Baltimore and Ohio.

Miss Cory, this is Elmer Kane himself.

Elmer the great in the flesh...

the greatest hitter in the country.

Yes, or in the city, either.

Well, well.
This certainly is an overwhelming honor,

and I'm very glad
to meet you, Mr. Kane.

Hi.

What's the big surprise
you said there was?

Well, Elmer, the g*ng has all voted

that you're to play in all
the big, important games

of the season, and
manager Walker has agreed.

Come on, boys.
Let's give Elmer Kane 3 cheers.

Hooray!
Hooray! Hooray!

There, now.
What do you think of that?

What do you mean,
what do I think of it?

Well, you didn't expect to play

in all the games, did you, Elmer?

You want to win 'em, don't you?

Well, what's the big surprise
you said there was?

Well, ain't meeting
miss Cory a surprise?

For what reason?

I'm afraid Elmer don't
understand who miss Cory is.

No, I guess he don't.

Come on, fellas.
3 cheers for miss Cory.

Hooray!
Hooray! Hooray!

What are you, a female batter?

No, no.
Miss Cory's a very famous person.

Why, she's field scout for

the International Broadcast Association

of the world.

You mean...

You mean, she wants me
to talk over the radio?

Oh, yes. It will be
a great ad for the Cubs.

All ready for the
broadcast, miss Cory.

Come on, boys.

Let's give our pal Elmer a big hand.

There you are.
Step right up and tell them all about it.

You'll be on the air in
just a minute now, Elmer.

Yeah? Is this what they
call the microphoney?

That's it.

What do you do... just talk

right smack-dab into it?

If you please.

Yes, but you got to talk awfully loud.

Yeah, if you want
to reach South America.

All right, miss Cory,
we're on the air.

Now, quiet, everybody, please.

How do you do, ladies and
gentlemen of radio land?

It is my pleasure to introduce to you

one of the greatest figures the national
game of baseball has ever known...

Mr. Elmer Kane.

Hello, ma.

This is Elmer.

How's the pancakes?

And how is a certain party?

You know who I mean.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

I was just saying
a few kind words to my mother.

Always remember...

A boy's best friend is his mother,

for when she's gone,

you'll never have another.

Yours for clean sport, Elmer Kane.

Now you can clap if you want to.

Gosh. It's about time
for lunch.

Well, thanks for letting
me talk to my mother.

Phew.

If Elmer ever saw this, he'd
take the first train home.

It sure was lucky when we
decided to hold up his mail.

You said it, boss.

Oh, I'll give him all of her
letters at the end of the season.

It's a dirty trick,
but it's got to be done.

Has Elmer Kane come in yet?

Mr. Kane and the ball team
should be here any minute now.

You care to leave a message?

No, thanks.

You can give me a room
and send my bag up.

I'll wait here. I'm an old friend.
I want to surprise him.

Well, Mr. Kane is certainly
well-known around here.

Front!

Hey, Elmer!

Hey!

Come on, come on.
Get out.

Aw, I want
Mr. Kane's autograph!

Oh, Elmer, you were marvelous today.

Simply divine.

How'd you like
that last home run I hit

with 2 men on the base?

It was too cute for words,

and here's the payoff...

a kiss for every home run.

Oh, hey,

don't I get nothing
for the three-bagger?

Sure, you do.

I'll see you later.

Boss.

Say, boss.

Hello, boss.

Look.

It's Elmer.

What on earth's the
matter with you, boss?

Gosh, I'm the one
that ought to be mad.

Good and mad.

Making a fool out of myself,

writing to you every day
and everything.

Well, I don't have to be hit by a...

Brick wall to take a hint, I don't.

There are plenty
other girls in the world,

outside of Gentryville.

So I noticed.

I'm sorry I ever saw you again.

But, wait! Boss!

Oh, I know, I know.

You were at the library again.

Yes, I know.

Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, sure, sure.

Ah, good night!

My wife in Hohokus.

What?

My wife in Hohokus, New Jersey.

I'm going to get drunk,

and, boy, do I need it.

You need it?

I'll get drunk with you.

I don't care what happens to me now.

No foolin'? Look.

Here's a swell joint.

Free booze, free eats,
free everything.

Groceries.

What's your pleasure, gentlemen?

I'll have a raspberry
soda pop, a la mode.

Sounds good.
I'll take one of them, too.

Say, you fellas
better watch your step.

I want to get delirious
tremens right away.

How is the food?

Mmm!

Say, that's not bad.

Oh!

Made an error, I guess.

That's the first one this season.

Guess who's drinking at the bar.

Don't tell me it's Mahatma Gandhi.

Better than that...

the guy that's got the world series

right in his hip pocket.

Elmer Kane?

None other.

And he's broke training.

Might as well look the place over.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

What a hitter he is.

Well, let's play some game.

Here's a good one.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Give me a stack of whites.
Yes, sir.

Stack of whites
for Mr. Healy.

I played this game once
with the circus.

Almost won, too.

All set, gentlemen?
Wait a minute.

I'll play with you.

Uh, pardon me, sir.

We never play with money here.

No?
No.

Heh! How long has this
been going on?

All right. Give me a couple
of stacks of blues, then.

Certainly.
2 stacks of blues for Mr. Kane.

Yes, sir, and leave them
right on number 6.

On number 6?
All set? All down?

Here we go for a ride.

2 aces and a lovely deuce.

I lose, huh?
Yes, sir.

I win. Ha ha ha!
That's good.

Give me some of them yellow ones.

A stack of yellow?
Yeah.

And give me a stack of the pinks, too.
Stack of pinks?

Why, certainly.
Yeah, them's pretty.

Yep. All ready?
All set?

All down?
Yeah, right on 6.

Over we go. Heh!

There we are...

a 2, a 3, and a 5.

Heh! I lose again.

I win again.

Gosh, if that wasn't a good one.

Hey, give me some more of them.
Yes, sir.

Just mix them up.

Get all kinds of color.

Stacks of blues for Mr. Kane.

And leave them right on number 6.

On 6.
Are you all down?

All ready?
Here we go for a ride.

Here we go for another ride.

A 2, 3, and a pretty 5.

Heh! I lose again.

I win again.

I've been playing for 20
minutes, and I ain't won once.

Heh!
That is a coincidence.

Well, come on.

Give me some more chips.
Can't play without chips.

I think I'll have blues
and pinks this time.

All right.
Pink and a blue.

Yes, sir.
Put 'em right on 6.

All right.
Here we go for another ride.

Yes, sir. Giddyap.

Whoa!

A 1, 2, and a 3.

I lose again.

Win again.
Did you win again?

Well...

Free?
Surely.

Put her right down there.

Say, that looks pretty good.

Heh! Well, give us
some more chips.

A 1, 2, and a 4.

Everybody loses.

This is like playing with matches,

only there ain't no
chance of getting b*rned.

Count 'em.
I'm quitting.

Yeah, we better be getting back, High.
It's getting late.

There you are,
Mr. Healy.

$350, right?

Plenty right.

Come on, High.
Let's get going.

Much obliged.
Yes, sir.

- Give me a stack.
- Surely.

Just a minute.

Pardon me.

Let's go and get a cup of coffee.

Oh, pardon me,
Mr. Kane...

Your tab.

No, I don't think we need a cab.

We just live around the corner.

You don't understand.
You owe exactly 5,000.

5,000 what?

$5,000.

Say, if I didn't think
you was joshing,

I'd smack you on the snoot.

Well, that's all right,
Mr. Pinkus.

I'll have Mr. Stillman
take care of this.

Will you step this way, please?

But I tell you, I thought
we was only playing for fun.

Well, that doesn't sound
like the great Elmer Kane.

That's childish prattle.
Of course you knew.

Your pal here knew he
was playing for money.

He won $350 and got paid.

That's right, Elmer.
We were playing for keeps.

Now let's be sensible.

We'll make it easy for you.

Just sign this credit slip,

and everything will be ok.

That's simple, isn't it?

Go ahead, sign it.

It's just one of them you-owe-me's.

Come on,

just to keep the record straight.

You mean this will fix up
everything ok?

Exactly.

Well, now that Mr. Kane has
shown himself to be a real sport,

why not reciprocate?

Let's tear up that debt of
$5,000 and forget all about it.

Well, that's up
to Mr. Kane.

Listen, I'm going to talk plain,

and you can take it or leave it.

You're sunk for 5,000 bucks, and you're
going to have a tough time paying it.

But we're in a position
to make a cleanup,

and that 5,000 is chicken feed to us.

Say, what are you driving at?

I'm plain-spoken, Mr. Kane.

Here it is in a nutshell:

We'll tear up that slip and give you
$5,000 cash, right now, on the line,

and cut you in for a percentage of
all we win betting on the series.

Now what do you say?

You mean you're betting
on the Cubs to win?

You understand.

You weren't born yesterday.

We're betting on the Cubs to lose.

Fight!

Hey, you can't do that!

Get him out of here, boys.

Don't cr*ck about our real names

or we'll be out of baseball for life.

Strangers in town, eh?

Heh! You did very well
for yourselves.

Yeah. You should see
them other fellows.

Say, do you want this put away
with the rest of your valuables?

Nope. I'll eat it here.

Ooh!

Ooh, doc, that's sore there.

I'll soon fix that.

Take off your shirt.

Oh, you broadcast over the radio here?

I mean this thing.

No, this is a thermal light.

Gives intensive heat,
which promotes circulation.

It's good for stiffness...
wait a minute, doc.

Would you step out of
the room for a minute?

I want to talk to my pal on the Q.T.

All right,

but don't be long.

This is Elmer Kane speaking.

When I talked on the radio before,

I said I was going to win
the world serious.

Well, I won't.
I'm through.

I'd die first
'fore I played in it now.

Let them smart alecks and wiseguys

win the world serious by themselves,

which they can't.

The fresh stiffs.

Yes, and you was in on it, too.

"World's news for today:

"The most important flash

"is the mysterious
disappearance of Elmer Kane,

"the new king of home run-hitting

"and walloping hope
of the Chicago Cubs.

"Kane has been missing
since night before last,

"and sports lovers
of the entire nation

"are deeply concerned for his safety.

"Kane's disappearance comes
at a dramatic hour,

"for the Cubs and yanks are
playing the deciding game today

"for the world's championship,

"and Kane is the cubs' mainstay

as a miracle hitter
and run-getter."

Any trace of Kane?

Not an inkling, and we're sunk.

I've scoured the city...

the hospitals, speakeasies...

yes, even the morgue.

Well, did you try looking
in all the restaurants?

That's not funny, Noonan!

Well, I don't know
what we're going to do.

Come in.

Miss Poole, excuse me,
but I had to come.

Look, today is the last game,

and Elmer swears he won't leave
that jail for anything or anybody.

Jail?
Is Elmer in jail?

I just got out an hour ago.

I paid his fine.
Even then he wouldn't leave.

He's sore at everybody
and as stubborn as a mule.

What on earth happened?

I've been nearly crazy
trying to find him,

and so has everybody else.

It's all my fault.

I took him down the street
to a gambling house.

He thought he was playing
for fun and lost.

You can imagine the rest.

But what are we going to do?

That's what I want to know.

What are we going to do?

We want to see Mr. Gump.

You can't see Mr. Gump.
He refuses to see anybody.

What is this?

We want to see Elmer Kane!

"Gump" is the jail name he took.

I'm Dave Walker, manager of the Cubs.

You see, Mr. Gump
is Elmer Kane.

That's not Kane the ballplayer, is it?

Sure, sure, and we want to
get him out of here right now.

Well, I should say so.

Here, boys, take care
of these gentlemen.

Come on.
Right this way.

Say, can you imagine that gump
being Kane the ballplayer?

Hey, Kane!

Kane!

Come on, come on!
Snap out of it!

Say, get out of here!

I'm through with you fellows.

Now don't get excited, Elmer.

We just found out you were here,

and were we tickled.

Yeah...

I suppose you want me to come
out and speak over the radio.

Get out of here before
I take a sock at you!

Are you coming with us or not?

No, and nothing
or nobody will make me!

Please, Elmer.
No.

I'm going to stay right here

and let you lose the world serious.

Open this door.
We'll get him out of here.

You're coming with us.
Come on, fellas.

Is that so, huh?

I'm going to stay right here!

Elmer, why don't you be reasonable?

Never mind that!
I don't want to!

Let me stay in this jail!

Let me... let me...

aw, come on, Elmer.

I want to stay right here.

Let me stay in this jail!

You're a swell guy.
Come on.

Now, let me alone!

Hey, jailer! Jailer!

Lock this door or I'll be
in here for m*rder!

Is he fighting to stay
in jail or is he unconscious?

There you are.

Thank you.

A man's got some rights
in a free country.

Before I sign this check, I want
to be sure that I understand.

I give you my personal check,

you turn over Mr. Kane's
I. O. U. To him,

and you positively promise
there will be no scandal?

Exactly.

And now, let's go and deliver the I.O.U.
To Mr. Kane in person.

Wait for me.
I'll bring Mr. Kane right out.

I don't want to have
anything to do with you.

Go away.

I wanted to return
your I. O. U.

Your girlfriend from Indiana
paid off your account.

What's that?

Hey, hey!
Open this up!

Open up this here jail.

Come in here.

Don't lock this door.

She oughtn't have done that.

Probably all the money
she's got in the world.

Maybe more.

Oh, now, don't worry.

Even if you could play today,
you're in bad with everybody.

You're all washed-up.

Why not get smart, Kane?

I'll pay you the $5,000 like I said,

then you can pay your sweetheart back.

I'll take it.

Everybody's been making
a fool out of me.

Everybody.

I might as well be getting
paid for being a fool.

Now you're talking sense.

Now just sign this.

I'll sign anything.

Now, understand,

if you should change your mind
and show up at the ball field,

it will be just too bad.

Don't fret.

I'll not show up.

Elmer?

Oh...

Gee, boss.

I... i feel awful cheap,

you paying them gamblers,

but I'm going to pay you back.

Fine time to be doing that,

after all I suffered.

Gee.

Gosh, I feel miserable.

They can fool some
of the people part-time,

but the worm will turn.

I'll show everybody.

Of course you will, but you're
going to listen to me first.

But, boss, you never wrote,

not even on my birthday.

But I did write.
Wait till Mr. Wade tells you about that.

What's that?

Well, I had to keep on
pretending I didn't... Like you,

so you'd stay away from
Gentryville, and me.

Mr. Wade wrote
and begged me to do it.

That's the craziest thing
I ever heard.

I know why you didn't write
and everything,

but I fooled you right back.

I didn't come back
to Gentryville, did I?

Oh, Elmer, you're wonderful.

Everybody knows that.

Want this door locked,
Mr. Kane?

No, we'll be going right out.

Elmer!

Attention, please!

Attention, please!

The lineup and batting order

for today's game.

For the Cubs:

Abbott... first base,

Noonan... left field,

Kane... second base...

Kane?

Dirty double-crosser.

Don't worry.
Kane won't play.

This is almost unbelievable.

That explains everything.

Kane is through.

Will you pardon me, dear?

Certainly.

I sure am glad to get
that Kane back in there.

Walker, take Kane out.

Now, don't ask why.
Just take him out now.

But, colonel, we... do as I say.

I'll explain after the game.

You're not playing, Kane.

What?

Correction in the cubs' lineup!

Mooney playing second base

in place of Elmer Kane!

Correction! Correction!

Put him back! Boo!

Kane's out.
Out of the world series.

It's all a mystery,

a big mystery to us boys up here.

Pretty tough for a busher like Kane

to slug his way
to the top in one season,

and then flop at the big moment.

Listen to this mad, frenzied
crowd yelling for Kane.

The score at the end of the first half

of the seventh inning...

the New York Yankees 1,

the Chicago Cubs nothing.

It's the last half of the seventh,
and the Cubs are at bat.

There are 2 outs,
and they need 2 runs to win.

There's a man on first and Noonan up.

Oh, boy, how they could use
Elmer Kane right now!

Ball!

Gee, Dave,

please let me bat.

I'll knock that old
apple out of the yard

and sew up this ball game.

Shucks!
Can't you talk to him?

It won't do any good.

Ball 2!

Colonel, look,

can't we put Kane in now?

No.

I can't believe it.

But they're gamblers.
They've got a fortune bet.

Let's take a chance.

I can yank Kane if he even
looks like he's trying to lose.

What do you say, colonel?

Ok,

but the first move he makes
that looks suspicious,

yank him out.
Yes, sir.

Never mind, mooney!

You feel like socking one, Elmer?

Are you sure?

Say, I'll put one right
out there in the street.

Good boy!
Get in there and sock it!

Watch me, Dave.

Hold this, Dave.
Woo-hoo!

Look! They're putting
Kane back in!

Elmer Kane,

batting for mooney!

Elmer Kane,

batting for mooney!

This crowd is going absolutely insane.

Kane is coming to bat.

The Cubs have a man on second
and another on third.

A two-bagger would score 2 runs.

But one of those beautiful Elmer Kane
home runs would put the game on ice.

There are 2 outs and Kane at bat.
Hold everything!

Well, if it isn't Elmer the Great.
Had your breakfast?

Now, you take care of the catching.

I'll take care of the hitting.
Look out!

You feel all right?

Yeah, I'm all right, Dave.

He's all right.
He can take it.

What a pity!

Kane got hit by a pitched ball.

Hit right on the noodle, and
that walks him to first base.

The Cubs now have 3 men on base,
2 out, and monahan coming up.

And by the way, folks,
it looks a little like rain.

Go back!

Go back!

He's out!

That's the rottenest
base-running I ever seen...

getting thrown out at the plate!

Here you go, Elmer.

It was obvious! He did it on purpose!
A child could see that!

I'm sure you're wrong, colonel.

He was half-out on his feet
from the ball that hit him.

It's the first half of the ninth.

The yanks have
2 men on base and 2 out.

The score is 1 to nothing,
in favor of the yanks,

and it's starting to rain, folks.

Strike 2!

That old control, boy!
Come on, let's see it!

Is this a game? I ask you!
These yanks are dynamite!

Bowden b*at out an infield hit, and
the yanks now have 3 men on base!

There are 2 down,
and a double means 2 runs!

But if this rain keeps up, the
umpire may call the game any minute.

Never mind that rain!
Never mind that, boy!

Come on! Only 3 men
on the bases now!

Don't worry about them!

I got it! I got it!

Come on, Elmer!

Put it in here, Elmer!

Come on, Elmer!

Put it in here!
Come on, Elmer!

Slide!

He's out!

The score, going into the last
half of the ninth inning...

the New York Yankees 3,

the Chicago Cubs nothing.

Well, it looks as if
Elmer Kane, the miracle man,

has jazzed up the game completely.

And the Cubs must make
4 runs this inning,

or zip goes the world series.

I'm sorry, Dave.
I just couldn't find it.

Get away, you sellout,
and take off that uniform!

Mr. Moffitt...

go on! Scram!

The yanks haven't won this game yet.

These fighting Cubs are on a rampage.

It's their last time at bat, and
they've got 2 men on base and Noonan up.

It's still a horse race,
and anything might happen.

Strike!

Come on, you, Joe.

Come on, hit it.
Hit it, hit it.

2 and 2, 2 and 2.

I know he's nervous,
but Noonan's nervous, too.

Please let me bat, Dave.

I'll break that pitcher's heart.

Get away, you cheap double-crosser,
before I knock your block off!

Oh, you've got to let me hit.
You've just got to!

It's a double!

And they're safe!
They're all safe!

3 men on the bases!

Now you've got to let me hit, Dave!

We want Kane!
We want Kane!

We want Kane!
We want Kane...

Aw, colonel, you've got
to listen to me!

You've just got to listen!

If you don't, I'll lose my $5,000.

She'll lose her money.

I've just got to win this ball game.

Cut the raving.

You got your 5,000 from
them dirty gamblers!

Sure, I got it, but I ain't got it now.
I bet on the Cubs to win.

You what?
You what?

Sure, I got 3-1 on the Cubs to win.

The hotel manager bet it for
me just before the ball game.

So you double-crossed
the gamblers, eh?

Well, say, a fella like I,
that's smart enough

to outsmart a lot
of smart pitchers all season

ought to be able to outsmart a
couple of cheap, tinhorn crooks!

Get out there and warm up!

Warm up?

Hell, I ain't been cool
since February!

Where's my bat?

Come on, Elmer!

All right!
Get in there and get a home run!

Come on, Elmer!
Hit it on the nose!

Come on, Elmer!

Ball!

I'll keep the ball.

You pretend you're pitching it,
and I'll pretend I'm catching it.

Nobody can see a fastball
in this dim light.

Strike!

Ball 2!

Now put that ball in there!

Strike 2!

Ball 3!

Did you really see them 2 strikes?

Sure, right over the pan.

Oh, yeah?

3 and 2, the count.

Now wait a...

what do you call that?

I didn't see anything!

So, and you didn't see
anything before!

He didn't pitch the ball!

He had it under his arm!

He didn't have it under his arm!

Something weird and strange
going on at home plate.

With 2 strikes on him,

Elmer Kane deliberately stepped
in front of the plate,

evidently wanting to get hit
again and get a pass to first.

But he wasn't hit.
The umpire is trying to make a decision.

The umpire calls it 2 strikes
and 3 balls on Kane.

The next ball pitched
will likely make history.

The pitcher is now
getting ready to wind up.

What will the answer be?

Dive! Dive! Dive!

He's safe!

You're telling me!

All right, Mr. Kane,
you're on the air.

You're sure this ain't no joke?

Of course not, silly.

Ok, sweetheart.

Howdy, radio and baseball fans.

Now that the world serious is over,

and I won the pennant for the Cubs,

I want to let you in
on a little secret.

It wasn't no surprise to me.

I knew how it was going
to turn out all the time.

Trouble is, a bashful fellow like I

has got to make it look difficult.

Otherwise, people don't believe you.

I could go on for hours talking
about myself and how I done it,

but I always say that a feller
shouldn't brag about himself,

and I always make it a rule
never to take no credit.

And in closing, I want to tell
you followers of the Chicago Cubs

that you don't have to worry
about the pennant again next year,

'cause your old friend
Elmer Kane will be out there

on the field in a cub uniform.

So long, everybody, and, say,

don't forget to get my life story,

which starts running serially
in all the newspapers next week.

Oh, yeah.

And before I forget,

hello, ma.

Tell Sarah to start cookin'.

Me and Nellie are on our way.

Well? Ain't you gonna
give me a kiss?
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