03x12 - Chest to Chest

[bunniefuu]

I have to say, I'm a little surprised
to see you back here, Dwayne.

- I'm also back here.
- Less surprising for whatever reason.

You know, we were on
our way to the plane,

and I started to think about

what you were telling
me about your family.

Sorry to intrude,
but Bibi Storrs has arrived.

- Bibi Storrs?
- Hey!

Thanks so much for having me.
I had a great flight.

I turned on "Hussies"
and went straight so sleep.

- It is so nice to meet you.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm just wrapping up here.
I'll be with you in one moment.

Oh, no problem at all.
Hey, Randall. Is that Dwayne Johnson?

- Bibi Storrs.
- Bibi...

Hear a lot of great things about you.

Oh, you may not realize this,
but you just met your new best friend.

- Hey, best friend.
- Oh, hey!

- [LAUGHTER]
- Okay, I'll show you to your room.

- Kay, thank you so much.
- She is the host of my favorite morning show.

She's actually my favorite
star after you, Dwayne.

Ah. [LAUGHTER] Thank you.

Yeah, my guess is
that Taft sent her here as a backup,

you know, and try to
get that trade deal done.

- Ah...
- We cohost the same morning show.

"Chatterbox"? [SCOFFS] No. [LAUGHS]

Yes, it's called "Chatterbox
with Randall Park and Bibi Storrs."

- Seriously?
- Yeah,

I mean, that sounds
like a fun show. I gotta watch it.

- [LAUGHTER]
- I'm sorry, so...

you were saying about my family?

Yes, so I was thinking about what
you were telling me about your family

and the legacy of their business,

and it very much so
reminded me of my own family,

particularly a time when
we were living in Hawaii.

After months of fighting, my mom
and dad had put their frustrations

with Lars Anderson aside and settled
their issues with my grandmother.

But the fans never knew that.

This is a great illustration
of the different kind of bodies

that can succeed in pro wrestling.

Macho Man vs.
The everyman, Lars Anderson.

[CROWD SHOUTING]

But wait...

that's Rocky Johnson
and Jake "The Snake"!

They're WPW wrestlers.

They're not allowed to be here!

Make no mistake, this is an invasion,

an unprecedented security breach!

I have never seen anything like this

in all my years of pro wrestling!

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

No, Jake! No, no, put the snake away!

[BOTH GRUNT]

That's what I'm talking about!

♪

This is WPW's house now!

That whole invasion?

Staged.

PPPW and WPW

were now working together
to build a rivalry storyline

to drum up excitement for something big:

a Peter Maivia tribute show.

And to sell the rivalry,
we give every single match big stakes.

PPPW wrestlers face off
against WPW wrestlers

for island supremacy:
seven matches, seven victors.

Whichever promotion
wins the most matches,

gets control of Hawaii wrestling...

- [STOPWATCH BEEPS]
- Time's up.

- Ambitious.
- Very.

Okay, now, Lah, your seconds.

Is the timer sort of,
I don't know, rigid?

Hey, the system is working.

You and Lah have equal time to talk,

and I don't have to deal with
you two beefing behind my back.

- Bruno?
- Lars, seconds.

[STOPWATCH BEEPS] Go!

[SLURPS]

I smoothed things over with
Jim Crockett and the guys...

Brought 'em back in the fold.

Extra good news:
he's sending over NWA star

Kerry Von Erich.

Good job, Lah. I love any Von Erich.

They're absolutely beautiful men.

Um, about Ata's idea...

I mean, seven v. Seven sounds like math.

Wrestling only needs two guys in trunks,
going chest-to-chest...

- [STOPWATCH BEEPS]
- Time's up, time's up.

I say we go with...

- Ata's gimmick.
- Yes!

Now, if you wanna guarantee a sellout,

we can ask Cyndi Lauper to
sing the national anthem.

We talked at Vince's party in New York.
I think she'd be into it.

Bold, big, like Peter.

The High Chief approves.

While my parents and Lars
navigated a tenuous alliance,

I had gone through a
little growth spurt.

Mmm, this papaya is crazy ripe.

Did you cut that yourself?

- You're not supposed to play with knives.
- What are you touching knives for?

I thought you wanted
me to eat more fruit.

Canned fruits, bananas, oranges.

- Pears.
- Plums!

So how's planning going?

What's do I get to do
for Grandpa's tribute?

You will be in the ring with the family

for Peter's ten-bell salute.

A time-honored method of honoring those

in the wrestling world
who have passed on.

Cool, but what else you got?

- What, like a job, job?
- Come on. I've worked for Grandma.

I'm capable of a lot more
than standing in the ring

- and looking handsome as hell.
- Dewey. [CHUCKLES]

I'm ready for real responsibilities.

I'm not a kid anymore.

In fact, I'm no longer going by Dewey.

That's a child's name.

From now on,

- I'm Dwayne.
- Dwayne Johnson?

[CHUCKLES] That just sounds weird.

- You both came up with it.
- Okay.

Dwayne.

[LAUGHTER]

I just wanted to know my role,
and they told me to shut my mouth.

While I was tired of being
treated like a little kid,

my mom set out to pay off
my grandmother's faith in her.

[PHONE RINGING]

You got Gretchen Calamari.

Hi, Gretchen. This is Ata Johnson.

I'm a wrestling promoter.
Are you Cyndi Lauper's publicist?

Mm, and Jan Hooks'.

Catch her this summer in "Wildcats."

Oh, okay. Yeah, I will.

Um, so we have a big
wrestling show coming up

out here in Hawaii,
and I know it's a long sh*t,

but I was just wondering
if Cyndi would maybe...

Why don't we ask her? I'll patch
you through to Cyndi right now.

Oh, really? Just like that?

Oh, honestly,

I'm on a little bit of thin
ice with her at the mo'.

I took my gatekeeping
too seriously, and I hung up

on the president of a
major motion picture studio.

Anyway, long story short,
Cyndi Lauper will not be

attending "Police Academy"
with Steve Guttenberg.

[PHONE RINGS]

Who'd you hang up on this time, Gretch?

God, it was one time, Cyn.

- One time.
- Hi, Cyndi, it's me, Ata Johnson.

We met at the WWF party in New York.

Oh, yeah, of course.

How are ya?

I'm good, yeah.

So we have this big wrestling show
coming up out here to honor my dad,

and you'd be perfect to come
out and sing the national anthem.

Oh, wrestling?

Hawaii? America?

I'm in!

I know Hawaii's in America.

But it's not like the
other parts, you know?

It's detached...

like my father, emotionally.

Thank you. [GIGGLES]
Look, I will personally see to it

that you're taken care
of when you come out...

White glove.

Gloves? I... sorry,
I can't remember which one.

Fingerless gloves, hon.

Give Gretchen all the details.

I can't wait!

She never says bye.

Nice sell job, by the way.

You know, I could throw
Jan Hooks into this deal.

She could use a little sun. Hmm?

Uh-huh.

All right, just think about it.

Okay, there are a few important things

that Cyndi needs for every show:

first off, limo service.

With Cyndi locked in,

my mom and Lars set out
to build hype with TV promos.

- Lars stayed on brand...
- 'Cause I am the tower of power,

too sweet to be sour. Yeah!

Well, be careful,
because I've got more soul

- than I can control!
- Too many words.

Bump chests.

♪ I want it ♪

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Harder.

While my mom got a little more creative.

Time to take out the WPW trash.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Woo!

So many legends came to Hawaii
to pay tribute to my grandpa.

- More chest.
- I'm giving it as much chest as I got, man.

Sheiky, baby, you are
making me chafe here!

- How am I doing?
- No notes, Sting.

Then there was the main event.

Bold claims from Lars Anderson!

Hey, let me tell you something.

It'll be so easy to take
the belt from this potato...

Wait, why aren't you the one
winning Grandpa's belt back?

Bad News trained
under Peter for a long time...

One of his protégés.

But you're a protégé and his son-in-law.

Shouldn't it be you?

Look, Lars would
never drop the belt to me.

We hate each other.

So in the spirit of everyone working
together to honor your grandpa,

this old man had to set
his ego aside for this one.

Do people that put their egos
aside usually talk in third person?

I ain't taking crap from a
kid in white leather pants.

- These came from the men's section.
- Yeah?

You look like a divorcé
who flew in from Carmel.

Did you lift those off
a Colombian drug lord?

Beautiful pants, no respect.

- [LAUGHS]
- Peter is so handsome.

Mm, handsome legs.

Well, I think I got the same legs.

[LAUGHTER]

- What's that mean?
- Drink, brother.

- [LAUGHTER]
- I like this guy.

Staring at the man or the bread?

I can't believe that's Kerry Von Erich.

I have his poster in my room.

- [LAUGHS]
- Should I show him?

No, that's kid stuff.

Show him. He's a nice guy.

All right, just got word that Ms. Lauper

checked into her suite in Waikiki.

And you set up all the things
Cyndi's publicist asked for?

- Got all the mangoes and everything.
- Perfect.

Okay, everyone.

Thank you all for being here.

Peter had a very special place

in his heart for each
and every one of you...

Even you, Sheik.

[LAUGHTER]

To the High Chief.

- Yes.
- Yeah!

All right, who's got a Peter story, huh?

How 'bout that time he b*at up that dude

who made fun of him for
eating with his bare hands?

[LAUGHTER]

Or maybe a more appropriate
story for our son to hear.

I can hear the stories.

- What are you talking about?
- Disrespect our culture,

and Peter would defend
the honor of all Samoans.

With his bare hands yet again.

- [VOCALIZES CRUSHING]
- Sika!

What about that story
from the bar in Japan,

where he bite man through his cheek?

- Uh, Billy some...
- [CLEARS THROAT]

My frustrations had reached their peak.

I'm not a little kid!

I can handle the adult stuff.

I agree.

- You do?
- Yes.

It is time.

Would you do the honor

of bringing Peter's belt to the ring

to start the ceremony?

[ALL CHEERING]

Let's go. Whoo!

That's my boy.

Showtime.

I was excited about my bigger role:

helping my parents celebrate
my grandfather's legacy.

["MOMENT OF TRUTH" BY BOB CATLEY]

♪

♪ Got my back against the wall ♪

Five minutes till showtime, people.
Pee now or hold it.

Gotta go. Oh, yeah!

Sheik goes to big stall.

[CLEARS THROAT] Hey, Ata.

We could flip the Rocky/Macho match

with Andre and Flair.

Flair's much better
when he gets to sleep in.

It's : p.m.

It's Ric Flair.

♪

Well, I think we keep it as is.

This makes more sense for the flow
of the WPW vs. PPPW scoring system.

Oh, national anthem time.

Can you grab Ms. Lauper from
her dressing room, please?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, she ain't in there.
- What? Why?

Never showed up.
For some reason, Jan Hooks is here.

[LAUGHS] Now do Kitty Dukakis.

- [LAUGHS]
- You said she checked into the hotel, right?

Oh, yes, ma'am. Man, such a shame.

You know, what a waste of an
elegant mango tray I set up for her.

You make things
too complicated, this is what happens.

- Everything okay?
- Uh, no, Cyndi Lauper is missing

but don't worry.
I'm gonna go figure it out.

Just be back for the tribute.
Peter hates tardiness.

Okay, all right.

[PHONE RINGS]

Gretchen Calamari.

Hi, Gretchen. It's Ata.

Um, Cyndi is not here,
and the show is starting.

Oh, sorry. Not my job anymore.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did she fire you?

No, no, no, no, no.

I just turned , and I was like,

"What am I doing with
my life?". You know?

So I am about to hop
on a plane to Belize.

I will patch you through
to Cyn-Cyn for one last hoorah.

- [PHONE RINGS]
- Four Seasons.

Mona Flambé's room, please.

[PHONE RINGS]

I already have plenty of towels.

No, Cyndi, it's me, Ata.

I'm here too, Cyn.

Gretch, how's Belize?

Not there yet, but I will send
you a postcard as soon as I land.

Great, uh, Cyndi, did
our driver not show up?

He came, but his sign had my name on it

instead of my alias, Mona Flambé.

Well, fans saw it, and now
I can't leave the hotel.

Mona Flambé?

Oh, I thought you said
"mango flambé in your dressing room."

Okay, well, stay right there.
I'm gonna pick you up in the alley

- outside your hotel.
- All right, sounds good.

- All right, you two ladies have fun, huh?
- Love ya, Gretch.

- Okay, thanks, Gretchen.
- Love you. Buh-bye.

And now, to start the night,

Peter's grandson will bring out

the High Chief's championship belt!

[ALL CHEERING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪

It hit me just how special it was
to be a part of this family...

♪

To inherit the legacy
my grandfather started...

♪

And to carry that legacy forward.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

It felt unbelievable.

Like, almost, I could feel
High Chief watching me.

High Chief watches all of our matches.

When the temperature in
the ring drops dramatically,

it means he's bored.

Showing respect to
those who came before you

is the most mature thing

a man can do.

Dewey! [LAUGHTER]

Wh... is that your son?

Damn, you grew up.

See? Cyndi Lauper gets it.

Yes, he's tall now.
We're all impressed. Okay, gotta go.

Oh, bye.

Folks, all the old rivalries,

friends, foes, gambling debts

are all out the window.

Macho Man's body repels baby oil.

It's spraying onto the fans.

I think it's genetic.

- Sting and Sheik ready in two.
- Okay, she's here. She's ready.

Hello, Cyndi.

You look just as beautiful
when you are late.

Oh, thank you, angel.

Okay, so once the ring clears,
Cyndi's gonna go out and sing.

She's gonna sing the national
anthem in the middle of the show?

She's Cyndi Lauper.

Wait,

Rocky just wrestled?
He's not supposed to be on till later.

Lah changed it.

The stopwatch ran seconds,
but you didn't object.

Because I wasn't here!

It's the fairest system we have.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

to sing the national anthem,

right now, for some reason:

Miss Cyndi Lauper!

[ALL CHEERING]

[LAUGHTER]

All right, Honolulu,

let's see if I can do
this without cursing.

[LAUGHTER]

We were all feeling good
until an old rivalry reared its head.

[DOOR SLAMS]

- Dad, what's wrong?
- I'll tell you what's wrong.

Lars changed the finish.

He's b*ating Bad News
and keeping Peter's belt.

- Wait, he can do that?
- He's doing it.

Damn it! I knew this would happen.

A leopard doesn't change its spots,

especially a lumpy-ass
leopard like Lars.

I don't know why...

Maybe because we were
honoring my grandfather that night...

But I took the move from
Lars as a slap in the face...

- Lars!
- And I snapped.

How dare you be so disrespectful
on my grandfather's night!

I'll b*at your [BLEEP] ass!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Sting's brother-in-law is from Iran!

I wonder how that's gonna
play into this match.

While I was going toe-to-toe with Lars,

my mom was getting things back on track.

Ugh, Lars got chip dust on my clipboard.

Come to the locker room.

You won't believe what Dewey just did.

After the fight, there was only one
person who came up to talk to me.

Sticking up for your grandfather...

Good for you, man.

Really nice guy,

and one of my heroes.

There he is.

Are you okay, Dewey?

- Lars, is this true?
- That your kid tried

to get his ass laid out in
front of the whole locker room?

You changed the finish to the
main event without talking to me.

I made a business decision
when you were off playing

"Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"
with Cyndi Lauper.

More like Lars looking out for Lars.

It's the wrong ending
for a tribute show.

They wanna see a feel-good story.

They want the good guy
to b*at the bad guy,

- simple as that.
- Oh, we can do that right here, right now.

- I'm fine with all that.
- Oh, are you?

Stop!

This fighting is unbecoming
of a night dedicated to High Chief.

Get your panties out of bunches.

It is time for Peter's ceremony.

Now!

And now a tribute to the life

and legacy of Peter Maivia.

What started as a great
night for me ended up here:

all of us sad,

mad,

and ashamed

in front of everybody.

Yup, that really happened,

and those were my pants.

Please rise for a ten-bell salute

to honor the High Chief.

[BELL DINGING]

Seeing how much my grandfather
meant to all of these guys...

[BELL DINGING]

To my family...

I couldn't have felt worse
that I had ruined his night.

[BELL DINGS]

And here we are, folks, the main event.

One of these gladiators will bring home

Peter Maivia's championship belt.

I'm sorry I tried to fight Lars.

It wasn't the right thing to do,
but believe me,

I understand why you did it.

Him disrespecting Grandpa like that

just made me so mad.

I wasn't even thinking. I just...

I don't know.

Son, you don't think I wanna
fight people all the time?

With these jackhammers for arms,
I can knock out every

Tom, d*ck, and Harry
that pisses me off, but I don't.

- You know why?
- Lawsuits?

Yes, lawsuits,

but also, part of being an adult

is setting ego aside, keeping your cool.

Right.

Another part of being an adult:

don't fight guys a hundred
pounds above your weight class.

- [SCOFFS] I would've had him.
- [SCOFFS] No, absolutely not.

I would've been checking
you out of the hospital.

- What?
- [LAUGHS]

A vicious clothesline!

He's going in for the pin.

One, two,

- three.
- [BELL RINGS]

And still Polynesian Pacific
Pro Wrestling Champion,

Lars Anderson!

[CROWD SHOUTING "LARS"]

All I wanted to do was
protect my grandfather's legacy,

but there was nothing I could do.

Lars! Lars!

How is everyone's night going?

You got what you wanted, Lars.
Don't rub it in.

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Enough.

All this time, you still
don't understand our business.

It doesn't matter
who Peter's belt is on.

We put it on who we want, when we want.

She's right.

It's just business.

And...

we take it off who we want,

when we want.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

You're right, Lah. It is just business,

but it's family business.

Next time you want to
change the finish, you talk to us.

What do you mean? I'm the booker.

- I make the decisions.
- Not anymore.

Ata decides now.

[ROCK MUSIC]

Now, if you'll excuse us,

I'm going to celebrate this great night

the way Peter would've wanted:

with family

at Ruth's Chris Steak House.

?

If Peter was in your shoes,

he would've done the same thing.

Wouldn't you, High Chief?

Turns out protecting Peter's legacy

united the whole family.

But though the show was a success,

my family's wrestling promotion
never got back on its feet,

and instead of capitalizing
on the wrestling boom of the mid ' s,

we took a financial hit
we never recovered from,

which brings me right
back to you and your family

and your country's coffee legacy.

Prime Minister, you and your
country now have all the leverage,

and if there's anything that
you've taken from my story,

it's that if you don't
strike while the iron's hot,

then the moment can pass you by.

What if we imported the
Gjelgjiughm coffee method

- to the United States?
- Yes, but Dwayne,

the method is very complex.

That's why you'll send us
a select group of emissaries

who will oversee the growing.

In exchange for the stewardship,

Gjelgjiughm will receive
a percentage of profit

for every coffee crop.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Let me think on it, and...

we can reconvene in the morning?

Hey, I just wanted to
say thank you for my robe.

- Oh...
- It is the best robe

I have ever put on my body.

- [LAUGHS]
- Go ahead.

- Touch my sleeve.
- I don't need to touch your robe,

because I also have a robe, Bibi!

Oh, there's my diva!

I have missed this energy.

[CACKLING]

Just... it'll keep going.