02x01 - Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

[bunniefuu]

Hey, hey! What's up?
This your boy Mark Curry.

Check it out. You won't believe
what happened last season

on Blindspotting.

[SIREN WAILS]

Do you want me to get you a
toothbrush or a toiletries or anything?

No, I'm not going to summer
camp, baby... I'm going to jail.

[PERSON] At San Quentin,
if you're married,

you get to spend two whole
nights together in a house.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

[TRISH] Cuddie, this is my
platonic life partner, Jacque.

Jacqueline, I see you down there.

My burrito!

Why is he in jail?
He'll miss my birthday!

Welcome back to the ordeal.

Hey!

Oh!

Bro, what the f*ck are y'all doing?

Town business, Oakland...
You know how we do it.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Blindspotting,what? Season two.

[PEOPLE SINGING IN SPANISH]

♪ ♪

[SINGING CONTINUES OVER CELL PHONE]

Ooh, yes, my guys.

Appreciate y'all, man.

!¡Gracias a todos!

Hey! Happy birthday, my boy.

Dad, you know Spanish?

Yeah. Of cour... No, I
don't know Spanish, man.

I learned that song back in high school

for tía Trish's quinceañera.

That's why I know some of the words,

but that was a real
mariachi band, though.

They pretty good, right?

They all got arrested together.

It was a bank robbery or some sh*t.

Anyway, hey, Mom, you got, uh...

You got Sean's birthday
present I made him?

- Yep.
- What is it?

[MILES] Man, I can't tell
you that... it's a surprise.

But anyway, look, I'm running
out of minutes on this phone,

so, uh, hand the phone back
to your mom for a second.

- I need to speak to her.
- Love you, Dad.

[MILES] Love you, my boy.

See you in two weeks for
the first family visit.

[MILES EXHALES DEEPLY] Yes, you will,

'cause, girl, when you
get here in two weeks,

we are about to...

Everybody can hear you on speakerphone!

- [BOTH] Hey!
- Hi, Miles.

- What up, Miles?
- Man, I don't give a f*ck.

Sean, earmuffs.

I'm about to get so
far up in them cheeks...

- No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey!
- Turn it down.

- Turn the volume down.
- [INDISTINCT ARGUING]

Married sex... in that thing.

First of all, if you calm down...

- [ASHLEY] I know what to do!
- Freaky lizard or some sh*t.

Anyway, I got to do,
like, a m*llitary crawl,

- and then you on the couch...
- Turn off the car or something.

[MILES CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY OVER CELL PHONE]

I concur with the previously
mentioned activities,

and we will proceed
with the said itinerary

in two weeks.

I love you.

Goodbye, sir.

- Ash?
- [LINE CLICKS]

All right. Uh, I love you.

What the f*ck you looking at?

- [CHUCKLES]
- Y'all so nasty.

All right, everybody get out.

[LAUGHTER]

So the theme of this birthday
is cars, jets, and trains?

I thought he was into bugs now?

[NANCY] Oh, he loves bugs.
Won't shut up about 'em.

No, it's planes,
trains, and automobiles.

When did you decide this?

We, uh, talked about it a month ago,

and he's % sure.

- Hey, Sean.
- Huh?

[ASHLEY] What do you like more...

Planes, trains, or automobiles?

Ninja bugs.

What?

- Yeah, rookie.
- That's a rookie mistake.

- It's okay.
- First parents' mistakes.

You got to pivot when
you hear the word "bugs."

Whatever. I'll just get him
on board. We-we're-e're fine.

- We've got karaoke...
- Hiya!

- Hiya!
- We have food for kids.

And we have liquor for the adults,

and we have games!

And we even have a carousel,

and we have a steam
train reserved just for...

Just for us today!

And... and Trish is
gonna bring a piñata!

Whoa, Ash, breathe, okay?

It's just, um...

it's his first birthday without his dad,

and I just need
everything to go perfectly.

- Hiya!
- [BALLOON POPS]

- [GASPS] Oh, my God.
- [ASHLEY] Sean!

Oh, God, stop!

Ah, sh*t. Ash, your car just got bipped.

[ASHLEY] What?

How?

They didn't even take anything!

[SEAN] Oh, look at all this glass.

- Uh-uh.
- [RAINEY] Help! Help me!

- No, no, no!
- Nelle, you ain't gonna help?

- Oh, sh*t, my bad.
- [ASHLEY] No, no, no, no!

- My keys!
- [JANELLE] Oh, damn.

[RODGER COLLINS' "FOXY
GIRLS IN OAKLAND" PLAYS]

♪ ♪

♪ Foxy little girl in Oakland ♪

♪ Something like I
never never seen before ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Foxy little girl in Oakland ♪

♪ Something like I
never never seen before ♪

♪ Whoa now ♪

♪ Foxy little girl in Oakland ♪

♪ Like she never
never been next door ♪

♪ Ooh, and next door ♪

♪ ♪

[EN VOGUE'S "MY LOVIN' [YOU'RE
NEVER GONNA GET IT]" plays]

♪ ♪

[SINGER] ♪ No, you're
never gonna get it ♪

[PERSON] ♪ Ow! ♪

[SINGER] ♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪

♪ No, not this time ♪

[SINGER] ♪ No, you're
never gonna get it ♪

♪ My love ♪

[SINGER] ♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪

- ♪ Ooh, bop! ♪
- [SINGER] ♪ Ooh, bop! ♪

♪ I remember how you used to be ♪

♪ ♪

[PERSON] ♪ You never was
so nice, you can't fool me ♪

- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]
- [SINGER] ♪ Ooh, bop! ♪

Why don't you just go
on the merry-go-round?

Girl, hell, no. That
sh*t make me hella dizzy.

This way, I'm still
participating, you know?

♪ You think that you can
walk right into her life ♪

♪ Without a good fight, oh ♪

Oh, uh, did you remember
to get the cake delivered

to the carousel and not the house?

Yes, yes. Mama is on it, Ash.

I'ma really need you to calm down, okay?

I'm just really f*cking stressed.

All of our parent friends are here,

and I haven't seen a lot of
them since Miles got locked up.

I'm just bracing for
the dumb-ass questions,

like, "How are you really?"

And then they give you, like,
a gift card for groceries.

- [JANELLE] Oh, yeah.
- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]

- Who are you texting... Earl?
- [LAUGHS] Humor.

Comedy you do.

I don't talk to that m*therf*cker.

sh*t, he only text me,
what, twice since he got out?

- Why? You talk to him?
- No.

I invited him.

Nancy gave me his new address,

but he hasn't replied to me either.

I just know Sean would
really love to see him.

Man, f*ck that n*gga.

Oh, okay. How about we both calm down?

Can I open Dad's present now?

Yes, of course, baby.

Thanks, bruh.

Your dad calls him Thizzly Bear.

It's a lion.

Yeah, well, your dad was really
proud giving him that name,

so that's what we're gonna call him.

Okay.

Hey, Sean.

We're going on the train. Want to come?

- Oh, yeah, uh, fo' sure.
- Is that a stuffy?

It's a Thizzly Bear, and his
dad made it for him in prison.

- [ALL] Whoa.
- That's awesome.

Come on, let's go.

[CHILDREN CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

[ASHLEY] Hey, you got him, right?

Watch him!

- Mm-hmm.
- Don't do nothing stupid.

Where is Trish with the piñata?

Yo, you sold it?

Last pickup was at : p.m. yesterday.

- Damn.
- Where were you?

Letting a man paint
my toenails for money.

Yeah, and I was overseeing it.
You know, it ran long.

He was... he was very
methodical. f*ck, man.

Look, this is for our
nephew's birthday today.

We need that g*dd*mn plane piñata.

Well, I've got a, uh, bottle of Patron.

No.

- A lipstick?
- No.

[PERSON] How about
this one? Big blockhead.

- [TRISH] No!
- No?

- [TRISH] No.
- Okay.

I got big hot tamale. You want him?

- [TRISH] No.
- A cute pig. [OINKS]

Oh, oh, this good.

Googly-eye zebra, huh?

What you think?

- [BOTH] No!
- No, no, no.

I-I need the plane. I
need the plane-ñata.

Imposible.

I'm sorry. There is nothing I can do.

[BELL DINGS]

[TRISH] Where's he going?

f*ck!

What are we gonna do?

'Cause tía Trish promised a plane.

Where does that little baby door lead?

[TRISH SIGHS]

[STEADY TRUMPET MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[BOTH SCOFF]

Yo, is this how piñatas are made?

♪ ♪

I fucks with my people.

Yo. OÓrale, hombre. ¿Qué pasa?

- Huh?
- [PERSON] Eh, órale.

Look!

[TRISH] Oh!

f*ck, yo. Did they make this a penis?

A giant white f*cking
penis? This sh*t has balls.

Hey! You cannot be in here!

This is only for
licensed "piñatadores."

And this one has already been
resold to a bachelorette party.

Okay, n*gga, well, we need it back.

Ah, but it's beyond restoration.

No. No. This can be fixed.

If we make the curves
of the head more angular,

shave down these pubes,

and perform a simple testicular surgery,

we got a pretty convincing spaceship!

Is she a "piñatador"?

Nah, mm-mm, but mami's crafty.

Okay, okay, I need a blowtorch, a blade,

and hella encouragement.

Come on, let's move it, people!

[PERSON] Vamónos, amigos.

- !¡Anímela!
- [ALL] !¡Olé!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

So we not gonna hear

you was out creeping
out on my boy, right?

I got eyes everywhere, Ash.

PIs in Pittsburgh, recon in Richmond.

Y'all still f*ck each other
now that he's in prison?

Binoculars in Berkeley,
East Oakland eavesdroppers.

No time for slippin', so
keep it pimpin', Ashley.

♪ ♪

- How are you now?
- Good. Good.

Yeah, but, like...

how are you?

There it is.

♪ ♪

Oh, by the way, Sharita
wanted me to give you

this gift card for groceries.

- From me and Kevin.
- It's $ on there.

'Cause y'all are struggling.

It has a sad face on it. Ugh. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, you want bucks?

Why not?

[APPLAUSE]

♪ ♪

[JACQUE] Mm-hmm.

[LIGHT CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

[RAINEY] Hey, you having a good time?

Ah, yes.

Gift cards for the broken woman.

♪ ♪

Ashley, you're smoking back-to-back?

Rainey, you got your
own rules. I got mine.

Okay. Okay.

I got it.

Having your man in prison sucks.

It's about to suck less, right?

Weekend visitation
starting in two weeks.

Thirteen days.

Thank you so much for all
the endless phone calls

and paperwork, Rainey.

- Sean's gonna love it.
- Mm.

Hey, I wanted to float an idea by you.

After you and Sean
do this first weekend,

I thought maybe I
would take the next one

just to get a little time with Miles.

Oh, uh, I didn't know
you were expecting that.

I think it's only for married couples.

Well, it's for family.

So I checked, and I could go with Sean,

technically, if you don't go.

Well, we only get one
visit every three months,

but... maybe you can
come with us next time?

Yeah, I was just hoping for
a little bit of my own time

with my son.

Really catching me off
guard with this sh*t, Rainey.

Oh, I-I know you need your time,

but I just figured,
I helped set it up...

Wait, was this your plan?

To get me to set up weekend visitations,

because only wives can do it

and then hold it over our heads?

I'm not scheming on you, Ashley.

I just think I helped, and I'd
like some time with my son.

Okay.

Can we talk about this later?

It's my son's birthday.

Later, okay?

Oh, my God, what a bitch.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

[CHILD] You've been on the
trains before, right, Sean?

[SEAN] My dad used to
bring me here a lot.

His daddy in San Quentin.

That n*gga wouldn't sing on somebody.

- Ooh, sh*t, he a real one.
- Damn, what's that like?

Your pops in there doing a bid-bid?

Five years.

He said he was gonna sing,
but he doesn't know all the words.

Hey, he dropping gems.

That's a whole bar.

My uncle Collin did time, too,

and my friend Earl.

He did a year and then went
back and did six months.

My n*gga, your whole
family with the shits?

Yep, lots of shits.

- Who wants to sit in the back?
- We not finna ride. We finna smoke.

Hey, go ride the train, though.

We'll be here when you get back.

Okay.

Hello, young man. You riding the train?

Got any money? Ha.
Just kidding with you.

I want you stay on the train.
No getting off the train.

If the train slows down,
I want you to speed up.

Keep your feet in.

If you see a giraffe, don't feed him.

Take any seat you like, all right?

- Yeah.
- [CONDUCTOR] All right.

- Say "all aboard."
- All aboard.

[CONDUCTOR] Let's go! All aboard!

We got a customer!

[WHISTLE BLOWS, AIR HISSES]

You could've sat in the front.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

[TRAIN CHUGGING]

♪ ♪

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

♪ ♪

[SU'LAN'S "AYE MJ" PLAYS]

♪ ♪

♪ N-n-n*gg*s think they
slick but I'm game, though ♪

♪ f*ck that n*gga, make
him do just what I say so ♪

♪ Hey, you were that bitch ♪

♪ We gave her back
'cause she a lame ho ♪

♪ Hey, she on the block ran
it up like it's apparel ♪

♪ Sorry, it's just
lyin' got the stick ♪

♪ I apologize, I ain't
mean to take your bitch ♪

♪ You can take the money
spend it all and then I gig ♪

♪ Have 'em shut it
down I need it all ♪

[ENGINE ROARING]

[PERSON RAPPING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ ♪

He can't even sneak a bug song in?

Not even "La Cucaracha"?

Yo, who the f*ck are you texting?

Yo, why are you on me so hard, okay?

I'm over here just chi...

Oh, look, your brother made it.

Oh, absolutely not.

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

- Ashley, are you okay...
- Not right now, Rainey.

♪ ♪

I just want to say happy
birthday to my nephew.

No, you f*cked all that up.

Ash, come on, I just want
to give him this present.

Who even told you we were here?

Get back in your car,

and f*ck off now before he sees you!

- Ash, come on...
- I said leave!

Now!

- Uh-oh.
- She's terrifying.

Miles and Ashley have that
similar "grr," you know?

Here she comes.

Cake is here.

[ASHLEY] Oh, great.

- [RAINEY] Uh-oh.
- [ASHLEY] f*ck, Nancy.

It's supposed to be a scraper
cake... a car with big rims.

This is a skater cake.
It's supposed to... f*ck!

I told them scraper cake.
Don't you bark at me.

- It's still transportation.
- It's fine.

Every... everything is fine.

Thank you.

Okay, what the f*ck was that all about?

Nothing, okay? Nothing.

How the f*ck did he know where we were?

Well, I mean, he hit me for the address.

He's your brother, Ash!

Oh, Janelle, don't tell him
sh*t about my life, okay?

Ever! And the cake is wrong!

What the f*ck?

Hey, guys!

Where's my son?

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

[ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[TRAIN RATTLING]

[MUSIC TURNS OMINOUS]

[SEAN] Hey, what's going on?

♪ ♪

Hello?

[STEAM HISSING]

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

Hello?

♪ ♪

[WHIMPERING]

Anybody out there?

♪ ♪

What are we gonna do, Thizzly?

♪ ♪

[PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

[CREATURE GROWLING SOFTLY]

♪ ♪

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

[TRAIN RATTLES, CHUGGING]

♪ ♪

How many tickles does it take
to make an octopus giggle?

[GROWLING] I don't know.

- Ten tickles!
- [LAUGHING]

[ASHLEY] Hey, get over here!

Are you high right now? Look at me!

Hey, Ashley, chill!

Your kids went to get high
in the woods and lost my son.

Y'all lucky I don't k*ll their asses.

Has anyone seen Sean?

Ugh!

Man, what...

Hey, this one out here go out
to a very, very special ladybug.

Y'all feel...

- Give me that. Move.
- sh*t, n*gga. Damn.

[AUTO-TUNED VOICE] Sean!

[NORMAL VOICE] sh*t. No, f*ck it.

[AUTO-TUNED VOICE] Sean?
Has anyone seen Sean?

Hey, sing Doja Cat.

I'm not singing. It's
the stupid Auto-Tune.

Y'all, I need your help.

Those high-ass kids
over there lost my son,

and I need y'all to help me find him.

Stop accusing my kids.

They're all high, Craig!

Okay, okay, everybody, let's
just all gather round, okay?

And we figure out what the f*ck
happened to baby boy, all right?

I don't need you to
be nice cop right now.

They are not supposed to be high

losing kids that they agreed to watch!

He's probably on the train, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Sean!

Oh, oh, oh, there he is.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

- [GASPS]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪ ♪

Baby! Oh, my God.

[SMOOCHING]

I thought I lost you, baby.

Mom, you've really got to cool out.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, it's fine. [CHUCKLES]

We found Sean, the birthday boy.

Okay, go to Janelle, by the carousel,

nowhere else.

Oh, Trish!

What the hell is that?

Did someone order a plane-ñata?

That is not a plane.

Uh, technically, a rocket
ship becomes a spaceship,

then eventually becomes
a plane on its way back.

- Okay, whatever the f*ck.
- So...

All right, guys! It's
time to do the piñata!

Everything is okay!

[EXCITED CHATTER]

All right, everyone!

Let's give a round of
applause for the birthday boy!

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Yay, piñata!

Trish, can you hang up this piñata

before these parents
eat me alive, please?

I don't... I don't got no string.

Trish, how do you not have
anything for the piñata?

What the f*ck are we supposed to do?

- [CRAIG] She about to lose it.
- I'm fine!

Hey, baby.

Y'all need string?

Hey babe, what are you doing here?

Oh!

You know, I'm here with B-K-E-O.

The Black Kite Enthusiasts of Oakland.

- Oh.
- [PERSON] I can fly!

[PERSON ] Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Run it out. Run it out.

We just some kite n*gg*s
blowing in the wind.

- [GIGGLES]
- Yeah.

- Hello, Eric.
- [ERIC] Oh, what up, Trish?

Hey, but check me out.

I always keep an extra
spool, in case sh*t get loose.

Let me throw a little nautical
knot on y'all Enterprise,

put that thing in orbit.

You're our hero.

Okay, great.

- Let's do this!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

f*cking Cuddie.

[ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYS]

[PERSON SINGING OPERATICALLY]

♪ ♪

- [PEOPLE CLAMORING]
- [PERSON] Hell, no.

Put them balls back.

Don't put that in your mouth.

[PERSON] What the f*ck, Ashley?

Welcome back to the ordeal.

Nine months later, we live
in splintered fictions.

m*therf*ckers got me twisted,

and I'm seconds from splitting wigs,

just wishing I could find my center.

Mommin' us through this frigid winter.

Yeah, we daunted by this wicked weather.

Trauma at the spine. Like
a g*n, I'm fully cocked.

We got five to run.

Barely survived one,

and I'm in it thick as thieves

with this coven runnin' reckless.

And I fear the mess is swarming

like a storm that's bound to come.

[SCOFFS]

[SCOFFS]

[CREATURE GROWLING SOFTLY]

Pretty good haul, huh, kid?

Did you have a good birthday?

Yo, turning seven is crazy,

and I'm with the shits now.

Oh, okay. Well, uh, we'll
deal with that tomorrow.

Wait, wait, wait, this
is all for one child?

[GOOFILY IMITATES ENGINE REVVING]

Can we clear the air about earlier?

I think we can have a simple
conversation. You and I can...

Rainey, I have not been
with him in nine months.

Can you just back off?

Sure.

I will back off.

[SIGHS]

I'd like to leave you with a thought.

Must you?

I must.

Things are tough. I get that.

You're not the first mom to mom
through some bullshit, Ashley.

Everybody supports you.

Everybody feels for you,

but everybody might not
want to be around you

if you keep this up.

For Sean, for my sake,

you could stand to be a little less mean

and a little more fun.

I'm fun!

- You think you're fun?
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

Oh, my God.

Earl.

Uh, come in. Come in.

♪ ♪

Earl!

Hey, what's up, bud? Happy birthday.

We missed you, man.

Wait. Why didn't you
come to my birthday party?

Oh, uh...

I just been working through some stuff,

but, look, I got you a present,
you know what I'm saying?

Open it up. Open up, open, open, open.

Yeah. It's for keeping bugs in.

[SEAN] Wow. Thanks, bruh.

What? "Bruh"?

Who you calling bruh?

You're not that old yet. [GRUNTS]

You ain't gonna call me no bruh.

- No!
- But you can be a bruh...

- A bruh-rrito.
- No!

I will never be somebody's burrito!

- No!
- [EARL] A bruh-taco,

- a bruh-tato chip.
- [SEAN] Never!

I'll never be your bruh-taco!

- [EARL GROANS]
- [SEAN] No!

[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

I'm fun. [SCOFFS]

Right?

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

[RAPPERS] ♪ Airplanes,
trains and automobiles ♪

♪ Airplanes, trains and automobiles ♪

♪ Airplanes, trains and automobiles ♪

♪ Airplanes, trains and automobiles ♪

♪ Airplanes, trains and automobiles ♪

♪ Airplanes, trains and automobiles ♪

♪ Airplanes, trains and automobiles ♪

♪ Airplanes, trains and automobiles ♪

♪ What's up, ma? What's
happenin', girl? ♪

♪ What's crackin' ♪

♪ DJ, play my cut no time to waste ♪

♪ There'll be no lackin' ♪

♪ I know your kind ♪

♪ Fine, so let's cut
out all that actin' ♪

♪ w*apon concealed, steel ♪

♪ You might think
I'm p*stol packin' ♪

♪ But I'm not ♪

♪ I just want you to shake it off ♪

♪ It's getting' hot in here ♪

♪ Take off your clothes
and break me off ♪

♪ I'm not soft, hard like
them lines I be droppin' ♪

♪ The party poppin' ♪

♪ Let me in you hear me knockin' ♪

♪ 'Cause we... ♪