So you're really leaving LA?
Sadly, yes.
- But for good reason.
- That's right.
I'm starting a Cru Bar in New York City,
and Fay's gonna be my general manager.
I can't believe
this is really happening.
I know. It was a tough choice,
but I think I made the right one.
Well, congrats. I mean,
this is pretty dope.
Amir, you ruin everything, man!
[LAUGHS]
That's... that's really funny,
Noah. Right?
So just one week left.
Just one week left.
Well, the job sounds incredible.
- Amir, you're a monster.
- Okay.
Nah, but for real, we are
really excited for you, Fay.
Amir, I'ma b*at that ass.
- Uh-oh.
- To Fay. Clang, clang.
ALL: Clang, clang.
No, you don't get to say
"clang, clang," Amir.
Uh, you know what? Next
round of drinks on me.
Well, that guilt trip
worked. We got free drinks.
To Fay! Clang, clang!
ALL: Clang, clang!
♪ Whoop, whoop ♪
♪ Cabernet and sauvignon ♪
♪ Team is here and now it's on ♪
♪ Carry on and Carignan,
sippin' on Perignon ♪
♪ Fine wine, got notes like a cello ♪
♪ Pull up in the spot like hello ♪
♪ If you got me, then I got you ♪
♪ This is the vibe, this is the crew ♪
♪ Grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪
♪ Grand crew, grand crew,
grand crew, uh ♪
♪ Grand crew ♪
[MELLOW MUSIC]
Hey, what's up? I got your message.
Hey. Um, yeah,
I just wanted to talk to you
for a sec without anyone else around.
I know we talked
about not doing long distance.
Are you having second thoughts?
Because as much as it kills me
to admit this,
I think you're right.
You shouldn't jump into your new role
with one foot back here, in bed with me.
Mm. You know it would be
more than one foot, right?
[CHUCKLES] Well, there was
that one time on the dresser
when you only had one foot on the bed.
Okay, we need to stop.
No, the reason why I wanted
to talk to you
is that I'm worried about Nicky.
I think me leaving to New York
is really upsetting her.
Really? She seems happy
to me. She's vibing.
I think those are sad vibes.
Noah told me to look out
because ever since their mom d*ed,
she has a hard time letting people go.
When her old friend Tasha
moved to Santa Monica,
she had a hard time coping.
So what did she do?
Apparently, she just started saying
that nothing really mattered,
and it led to some
pretty reckless behavior.
I mean, she's grown a lot since then.
I think she'll be all right.
- [BOTH GASP]
- I am so sorry.
It's fine! It don't matter.
I literally don't care
about anything right now.
Man, I am gonna miss playing
this game with Fay.
She was so bad at it.
Yeah, but good energy, though, right?
Oh, that reminds me.
Fay gave me some reservation
to some restaurant she made
like a year and a half ago.
She can't go now because she's leaving.
Oh, nice. Where?
It's called Dirt & Honey.
- What?
- Are you serious?
Oh, so you guys have heard of it?
You haven't heard of it?
It's like the hottest restaurant
in the country right now.
It has three Michelin stars,
and the chef's name is Danny Cooks.
I mean, and that's his real name.
This guy was born to culinate.
Why'd she give it to you?
Because I was "standing near her"
when she "received an email from Resy."
But I know it's really because
of our super close bond.
Anyway, are either of you free to go?
Reservation's for two next Wednesday.
Absolutely. I will go with you.
You're married.
Why don't you go
get dinner with your wife?
And you're single.
Go have dinner with some floozy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, fellas.
Let's not make a big deal
out of this. [CHUCKLES]
How about we turn it
into a high-stakes competition?
I think it's time
for The Perfect Pair Part Two.
Oh, that's the game you guys played
last year at the vineyard
that Wyatt lost.
[GAME PIECES CLATTER]
We did not lose. What
had happened was...
Nobody cares, bruh. [CHUCKLES]
Let's just play the game.
I want that reservation.
Well, too damn bad,
'cause it's mine. I'm in.
Ooh, I love the drama.
Let the games begin!
[UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC]
This is nuts.
We don't have to do
a wellness check on Nicky.
She hasn't texted me in hours,
and the last couple texts I've
gotten from her had no emojis.
No emojis, Anthony!
That's not a big deal.
I think she's fine.
Oh, hey.
Ooh. Hey, Nicky.
[DISQUIETING MUSIC]
- [PLATE CLATTERS]
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
I think you missed the trash can.
Can't miss what you're not aiming at.
Michael Jordan said that.
What are you guys doing here?
- [SNEEZES] Oh.
- [CATS MEOWING]
Nicky, aren't you allergic to cats?
Oh, big time.
I went out to get the mail,
and they followed me inside,
so I gave them salmon,
and now they're my sistahs.
That's Eunice, Boo-nice,
and that's Mila Kunis.
I think she's pregnant. [SNEEZES]
Hey, Nicky, you good?
I'm fine. I'm just... [COUGHS]
Having a little bit
of trouble breathing.
'Cause you're allergic to cats.
Oh, yeah. Maybe that's what it is.
[SNEEZES]
Anyway, I think I'm gonna go
take a shower
and see if that helps.
♪ Boo-boo ba-doo boop ♪ [KISSES]
BRB.
[COUGHS]
- [SNEEZES]
- Okay.
Welcome back to The Perfect Pair
Part Two: Restaurant Edition.
All right, here's the deal.
Both of you wanna go to Dorky Bunny.
- It's called Dirt & Honey.
- Semantics.
Anyway, I'll give you each
an opportunity
to tell me in your own words
why you deserve to be my plus-one.
You've both had an hour to prepare.
- We've had five minutes.
- Wow.
Someone has a poor grasp of time.
He'll probably be late to dinner.
Ooh, noted.
Noah, make your case.
Look, you hardly even know Wyatt.
He didn't grow up with you like I did.
You guys are barely even friends.
Hey, Sherm and I are close.
Your relationship is tenuous at best.
That is not true.
Sherm and I even have
our own inside jokes, huh?
I'll take a big ol' booty to go.
[LAUGHS]
This is the first I'm hearing of this.
Come on, you remember.
It was your birthday,
and I ordered a big old burger
to go, but you thought I said...
I said I don't remember. Please move on.
Okay, first off,
I make more sense practically
because I eat small portions
and this place has shared plates.
Now good luck sharing anything
with this garbage disposal.
That is low, that is slanderous,
- and that is not based in truth.
- Oh, really?
Then what'd you have for lunch today?
What does that have to do with anything?
I'll tell you what I had
for lunch today.
I had a Caesar salad with four croutons.
And I only ate one of those croutons,
which leaves three croutons
for you, Sherm.
Hmm, I like the way
that math shakes out.
Noah, I would like to know
what you had for lunch today.
What? Well, that's irrelevant.
- Answer the damn question!
- Fine!
Three burritos!
Some chicken fried rice and...
- and then two cannolis.
- Damn.
What kind of crazy-ass fusion
spot did you get all that at?
I went to three different spots.
Oh, damn.
[MELLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC]
♪
Oh, here she comes.
[CAT MEOWS]
Oh, that's not her.
She's been in her room
for over minutes now.
Yeah, and it sounded like
she was either singing
or screaming in the shower.
Oh, here she comes.
Woo-whee!
Sorry, y'all.
I fell asleep in the shower.
Anyway, I gotta go. I have a date.
What? We just got here.
Who's the date with?
Oh, this guy that I met on Heart Match.
I don't remember his name,
but it don't matter.
I'ma call him Sal. [CHUCKLES]
Ooh, this bag will do. All right, ha-ha!
Okay, she's clearly not doing great.
Yeah, but I guess it could be worse.
I mean, she's not doing
anything reckless.
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- Later, b*tches!
All right. That's pretty reckless.
Have you heard anything from Nicky?
No, and if anything happens
to her, I'm gonna feel so bad.
Hey, it's not your fault.
She's upset because I'm moving,
so yeah, it is.
Yeah, I guess it is kinda your fault.
Sorry. Was I not supposed
to agree with that?
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
[SIGHS] Come here.
[BOTH GRUNT AND KISS]
Ugh, I gotta go.
I don't know
why my friends are still here.
Okay. Well, I guess I'll see you soon?
I don't know. Maybe, Sal.
My name's James.
Goodbye, Sal.
Ooh, yeah! Get it! [CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
Nicky, what are you doing?
And did you buy a motorcycle?
It's a rental. I was
feeling adventurous.
When did you get
your motorcycle license?
You need a special license
for a motorcycle? Huh.
Nicky, can we talk about
what you're going through?
No. I don't need to talk.
I don't need you guys
waiting around for me.
I don't understand why you guys
are still here.
Whoopi Goldberg!
Whoa, are you serious right now?
You're pulling the Whoopi card?
What the hell is "the Whoopi card"?
Last year, Nicky and I
had a movie night,
and we watched
her favorite film, "Ghost."
Perfect film. No notes.
And then afterwards,
we stayed up all night,
getting real about our lives.
And we made a promise to ourselves
that if either of us ever held back
our true feelings,
we could play the Whoopi card.
Cool. Thanks for the backstory.
So I'm using the Whoopi card.
'Cause, Nicky, you in danger, girl.
What am I supposed to do,
Fay, make new friends? Ew!
Well, yeah.
Well, I don't want to, though.
I totally understand.
I'm gonna miss you too.
But I'm not dying.
I'm just moving to New York.
- We can still be friends.
- True.
We can do everything
we do now, just on FaceTime.
You're right. I guess it
won't be so different.
- Right.
- Exactly.
You know what? I wish I could handle it
as well as you, Anthony.
You're so strong.
Yeah, I guess I am.
You know, I'm a mess,
and my friendship with Fay
is pretty much gonna stay the same.
But your relationship,
it's D-E-A-D, it's dead.
And look at you,
walking around just fine.
Yeah, totally fine.
Yeah, I mean, I could
FaceTime Fay any time I want,
but you? Oh, you'll never kiss
or embrace her again in a sexual way.
But you're fine.
Right.
I feel better.
I'm gonna be strong like you, Anthony.
Good. I love you.
I love you too. Now hug me.
Okay
[CHUCKLES]
Mm, you smell like a satchel.
Do you wanna get on the bike
and go for...
- No.
- Absolutely not.
There you are.
The suspense has been k*lling us.
Now, who are you gonna take to dinner?
Okay.
After a long night of deliberation,
I have decided
that I'm still undecided...
- Oh, come on!
- Damn!
Which means it's time for round two.
- Fine.
- Let's go.
So I've put together some scenarios
to help me come to a decision.
Contestant number one,
we're at Dirty Sexy Money.
- Dirt & Honey.
- Whatever.
We order some cocktails,
and mine is too spicy.
- What do you do?
- Easy.
I politely wave down the server,
tell him that your drink
was unsatisfactory
and that we'd like a replacement
with much less spice.
Mm, interesting.
Contestant number two,
what's your response?
Trick question. Sherm love the spice.
And the spice love Sherm.
- Point, contestant number two.
- Yes!
You know you can use our names, right?
You remain nameless
until I name a winner.
Next question.
We just finished eating,
and it was amazing,
mostly because of my hot takes.
Where will you take me after dinner?
Contestant number one,
we'll start with you.
Oh, well, there's
this really dope wine bar
called Mignon which is close by.
Figure we could go there
for a nightcap post dinner.
[CHUCKLES] That's lame.
I'd take you to a Clippers game.
You're pandering.
I'm more than just a Clippers fan.
Point, contestant number one.
- [LAUGHS]
- Damn it.
Hey, so, I think something
might be up with Anthony now.
What makes you say that?
Well, yesterday, after you said
that our relationship was dying
and that he might never kiss me again,
he started acting really weird.
And then we went out to dinner,
and he spent a lot of money.
Like, a lot.
Thank you for dining with us
this evening.
Would you mind if I take the check?
Oh, for sure. Here you go.
Holy [BLEEP]!
- Are you sure about this?
- Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
[STAMMERING] I mean, I...
- did you see this?
- I...
He tipped the waiter %. It was crazy.
Damn.
Usually he, like,
throws himself into work,
but when he is really going through it,
he stress-spends.
- But he's an accountant.
- I know.
It's his dirty, freaky,
nasty little secret.
Oh, I feel terrible.
First, I messed up your life,
and now I'm messing up his?
We should probably check on him
before he goes bankrupt.
- Let's hop on my hog.
- What?
I have the motorcycle for another week.
Trust me, you're gonna love it.
[FUNK MUSIC]
♪
Gentlemen, I know this
is taking some time,
but no one said it would be
easy figuring out
who would be my plus-one
to Sand & Syrup.
It is Dirt & Honey.
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
Because I don't care.
Now, it's time for the third
and final round.
- Okay.
- So what's up?
I'm very excited to announce
that we have a new challenger
entering the competition.
BOTH: Ron Ron?
What up, man?
Thanks for having me.
Happy to throw my hat
into the ring, man.
- What?
- Come on.
I thought you guys were on bad terms.
Oh, we settled our differences.
Ron Ron's the homey again.
And I've always wanted
to go to Gin & Rummy.
BOTH: Dirt & Honey!
Tomato, tomato.
I can't believe this.
Sherm, I got two Clippers tickets
with your name on it.
Mm, that's pandering. And I like it.
You didn't like it when I did it before.
What can I say? Another
classic Sherm .
You know what? I've had enough.
This competition is wack. I'm out.
- What?
- Me too.
We almost done!
[CHUCKLES] Well, looks like
you win by default, Ron Ron.
A win's a win.
- Thanks again, man.
- [CHUCKLES]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
I still can't believe how good
you are at riding a motorcycle.
I know, right?
My secret is,
I'm very good at everything.
Hey. What are you guys doing here?
Hey, um,
we were just a little worried about you.
What? Why?
You know, because
of all the overspending?
I have no idea what you guys
are talking about.
Oh, uh, can you guys move
to the side, please?
- Fourth flatscreen just arrived.
- Fourth?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Ooh, ooh-whee.
Y'all want some vegan chocolate fondue?
It's delicious.
Good lord, Anthony.
How much money did you spend
in the last yours?
Oh, not too much.
I got good deals on all this stuff.
Oh, and Fay, I got you something.
Yeah.
- Oh, wow.
- It's vegan.
How much did that cost?
Not much. Just a couple racks.
- A couple of racks?
- What?
Anthony, this is
really thoughtful and all,
but if you were doing the
accounting on all these purchases,
how would you classify all this?
Um, well, gifts,
dining and entertainment,
home office furniture and equipment,
miscellaneous.
And what would you tell someone
who was spending this much?
I'd tell them, "great job." [LAUGHS]
Anthony.
Yeah, I'd tell them,
"great job ruining your life."
Oh, no!
Patrick Swayze!
The hell are you talking about?
- Patrick Swayze from "Ghost"?
- I know him.
I figured since I'm a guy,
I'd, you know, use Swayze.
Well, that's kind of dumb.
Also, "Ghost" is kind of like our thing.
- Be nice.
- All right.
Hey, what's going on?
I just...
I was doing well until Nicky
started talking
about how you and I were done.
We'll always be friends.
Yeah, but done romantically.
It just hit me, and it hit me hard.
Guess I just channeled all my feelings
into all these crazy-ass purchases.
I'm ashamed to be an accountant
right now.
No.
Channel your feelings
into helping me throw Fay
a great going-away party.
Right, smart.
- That'll be a good distraction.
- Exactly.
A great way to hide our
horrible, sad, no-good feelings
about Fay leaving.
Yes. Let's throw a party. Yeah?
[MELLOW MUSIC]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Hey. How's Ron Ron?
Bet he's excited about that dinner.
Well, it turns out Ron Ron
had a conflict
and he can't make it anymore.
Oh, really? What was the conflict?
You owe me a drink. Next round's on you!
Nah, nah, nah!
You owe me a drink.
The next round's on you.
How about a roundhouse to the face?
Oh! So you wanna boogie-bop?
Yeah, so let's bop the boogie then.
No, guys...
I wanna say I'm sorry
for what I put y'all two through
with this reservation.
We don't trust you.
What's the endgame here?
Nah, for real. I just couldn't decide
because y'all are both great friends
and I didn't wanna let
either of you down.
So what's the endgame here?
Nah, I'm done with the games.
I think you two should take
the reservation to Dirt & Honey.
- He said the name right.
- Wow.
I guess the games really have ended.
But you know what?
I don't wanna go
to that restaurant without you.
Neither do I.
Fay wouldn't want us being all petty
about who you should take.
So let's just get a reservation
for the three of us.
- For five years from now.
- OK, word. That sounds great.
But what do we do with this reservation?
I think I have an idea.
[SOFT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
♪
Ladies and gentlemen,
friends and family,
welcome to Fay's Bye-Bye-Bachata Bash!
Please welcome the woman of the hour,
Fay Guadalupe Garcia Peña de la Cruz!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LATIN MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
- Fay?
- [HUSHED] Fay isn't here.
- Huh?
- What happened?
She left five minutes ago,
right after she told me
she's not gonna take the job
in New York.
She seemed really distraught
and wouldn't go into any details,
but I just know it's because
of something I did.
Definitely. So give us a second
to clean up this little mess
that you made, okay?
Okay. Thank you so much.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES, GROANS]
- We definitely screwed this up.
- Yup.
- We need to find her.
- Yes.
Do you have any idea where she might be?
Um... um, um, um, um, um, um, um...
I think so. Let's go.
How are you so good at that?
The internet's the wild, wild west.
Everybody's traceable.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
[DOWNBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Hey, Fay.
Hey, guys.
So you're not at your own party,
and Amir tells us that you quit
the New York job?
I don't wanna talk about it.
Whoopi Goldberg.
[SIGHS] Okay.
Seeing you guys so upset
about me leaving
made me wonder if I made
the right choice
moving back to New York.
But we didn't mean to do that.
I know. It's just, I took the job
because I've been inspired by you two.
I mean, I literally asked myself,
"what would Nicky and Anthony do?"
And I feel like you guys
would follow your careers.
But then you both spiraled out,
that made me spiral,
and now I'm just not sure.
Fay, as much as we're gonna miss you,
we'd be terrible friends to keep you
from an incredible opportunity
like this.
Yeah, and if you think we're sad now,
you have no idea how much we'll spiral
if you don't take this job
because of us.
- I will go bankrupt.
- I will get a motorcycle
and never get a motorcycle license.
[LAUGHTER]
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Sexy. What does that mean?
It means distance is just
a measure of love's reach.
My abuela used to say that to me.
She lived in the D.R.,
but I never felt
like she was that far away.
And neither are we.
You'll always be a part of the crew.
Aw.
I'm gonna miss you guys.
We'll miss you too.
- Bring it in. Ah!
- Ah! [LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
♪ To just flow ♪
♪ Flow, oh, oh ♪
Anthony, Nicky,
thank you so much
for bringing Fay back here.
- Yeah, of course.
- For sure.
Fay, look, I know I upset you.
- What?
- It's okay.
I'm taking full ownership of it.
I put you in your head about
this whole New York thing.
Oh, no, that wasn't...
No, no, it was him. Let him finish.
Look, I put way
too much pressure on you.
And if you're willing,
I'd love to offer you
the general management position
and give you an ownership stake
in Cru Bar New York.
Will that make up
for everything I've done?
Yes. I accept.
- And I forgive you.
- Perfect!
I'm so glad
we were able to work this out.
What a journey
this has been for us, huh?
Hey, everybody. Drinks on me tonight!
[CHEERING]
♪ Winter's tough ♪
♪ Winter is tough ♪
♪ I've been waiting for summer ♪
Hey, Fay. The three of us
wanted to get you something
a little special for your going away.
Aww.
[GASPS] I love it.
"Clang, clang"!
ALL: Clang, clang.
I hope you guys didn't spend
too much on this.
No, we used that reservation
you gave me.
We sold it to this rich couple
in Pasadena
and used the money to buy that.
Oh, so I kind of got this for myself.
- Uh, no.
- I still love it.
[LAUGHTER]
Nicky, didn't you say that
you got a gift for Fay too?
No, you misheard me.
I'm pretty sure I heard you say
that you got her something.
Okay, well, maybe I didn't realize
we were doing sentimental stuff,
so let's leave it at that. I'm good.
No. What is it?
[SIGHS] Okay, let's just say...
Did somebody call for a repair man?
Jerry Pipe?
- Aww, thank you, Nicky!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
Congrats on the new gig, Fay.
I'm so proud of you.
Ooh.
Here, hold this.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
[MELLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC]
♪ Somebody give me ♪
♪ Somebody tell me the answers ♪
♪ Me and you isn't the answer ♪
♪ Me and you isn't ♪
♪ Maybe I'm telling myself that ♪
♪ But there ain't nothing
that'll change that ♪
♪ What good would it be ♪
♪ If I knew how you felt about me ♪
♪ It could've been right
but I was wrong ♪
So...
this is it.
This is it.
♪ You know that I can't get caught up ♪
Fay, I, uh...
I know.
♪ Now and again, we will dream about ♪
♪ And think about
what we could have been ♪
♪ Oh, I'm holding it in
'cause I know in the end ♪
♪ We can dream about,
I think about what ♪
[HORNS HONKING]
♪ We could have been ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪