04x09 - Carl's Delicate Moment

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


[ Humming ]


Good morning, chief.


Oh, boy.


Here, here's your coffee.


Look, I'll have your juice and your eggs ready in any second.


I overslept.


You know, I set the alarm.


I don't know how I could oversleep like this.


I go to bed early. I try to be a good girl --


Oh, just juice. I overslept.


Don't come in here with all your lip.


You got to have more than juice.


I don't have time for anything more than juice.


I'm late for an exam! I overslept!


I can't take it this morning!


Oh, sure. You're all awake, and I overslept.


Listen! Eat a bowl of fruit or something, okay?


[ All talking and arguing ]


Move out the way before I slap you!


Move!


Hey! Hey! Hey!


Women.


Always late.


Excuse me.


Where are you going?


If I am always late,


I might as well go back to sleep.


Sure...


Get a head start on being late tomorrow!


Daddy, I don't think you should deal


In reckless generalities about women.


We didn't oversleep because we are women.


We overslept because our man-made alarms


Did not go off.


Yeah, look, I got to go.


Hang in there, nell, okay?


Wait, come back here. Get your breakfast.


Nell, don't let daddy get away with any of his archaic,


Bourgeois, male-oriented, chauvinistic --


Honey, shut up and go to school, please.


Give him hell, nell.


Samantha!


Sorry.


Give him heck, nell.


Then give him hell!


You forgot your breakfast!


Peace, nell. I don't want to argue with you.


And I do respect your point of view.


That's very nice of you, chief.


Besides, you can't win with women anyway.


It's human nature, nell.


Women have trouble getting out of bed in the morning,


And men don't.


I'm surprised women get out of bed at all


If they have to listen to a man like you talk.


See, what did I tell you?


If I've...


Said it once, I've said it a million times --


You can't win with women.


Please, stop me from talking.


Only reason that he's awake to listen to you


Is because he's a man.


Joey, you're gonna be late for school!


Chief no, he won't.


Pop got up an hour ago and took your man-child to school.


And I suppose you think that proves something.


Only that that's the way men are.


We're always punctual.


Why can't a woman be more like a man?


I get up every morning at ,


Come downstairs at exactly ,


And get the morning paper...


Except for today.


The paper hasn't come yet.


Probably because nancy, our papergirl, overslept again.


I love you, nancy!


Don't you ever knock, simpson?


Sorry, chief.


Officer dwyer out there yet?


Unh-unh.


What kind of sandwich you want for lunch today, chief?


Ham on rye.


What kind of bread you want that on, chief?


Rye.


Hold the white, wheat, and pumpernickel.



Oh, please, simpson!


I got enough problems to deal with today.


What's the matter, chief?


Officer dwyer -- she's asked for a promotion.


And I don't know how to handle it.


Why don't you just tell her


What you told me when I asked for a promotion?


What did I tell you?


Get out.


Yeah, but she might cry.


I cried. Get out!


That was white bread, wasn't it, chief?


You're in luck. He's in a good mood.


I got your note, chief.


Come on in, crier.


[ Laughs nervously ] dwyer.


Just let me close this door.


[ Sighs ]


Well...


Would you like a coffee?


I'd like to talk about my promotion.


Yeah.


[ Thumps on desk ]


Right.


I'm just not sure you're...


How can I put this?


Qualified?


Oh, no, no. I know you're qualified.


You have an impeccable record --


No absences in five years, ten letters of commendation.


So I get assigned to a squad car, right?


You're some kind of cop, dwyer.


Your record says you type words a minute.


I also got out of on the p*stol range.


Well, keep practicing.


Do I get this promotion or not?


Look, why don't we give it a few months, huh?


I mean, you're a woman.


And I think it's too dangerous for you right now out there.


I can see now...


That you still think the man should hunt,


And the woman should stay in the cave and type.


I like that.


I like it better than "keep 'em barefoot and pregnant."


[ Laughs ]


I'm just kidding.


I don't think it's funny.


Oh, now, now.


Listen...


Alice, please, don't cry.


Cry?


You think because I'm a woman I'm gonna cry?!


Well, you're all the same!


You never can win with a woman.


And you can't win with a man who hasn't had a progressive thought


Since he stepped out of the cave.


I quit!


Dwyer...


Pull yourself together.


Get your hands off me!


Dwyer, please.


If I were a man, you wouldn't have done this!


Now I know why you wanted to see me alone.


Well, at least she didn't cry.


Joey, upstairs.


Aw, do I have to? Yes.


Aw.


What's this all about, nell?


Uh, addy, why don't you tell them?


Well, I came over because my organization --


The congress of determined women --


Has a legal fund to help women


Who are victims of sexual harassment.


The sooner this day is over, the happier I'll be.


I should have overslept this morning like the rest of you.


I go into the station house, ready to face the day,


Walk into my office, and suddenly I'm hit


With a bolt right out of the blue.


Chief, um...


We were just about to discuss the congress of determined women


And a sexual harassment case that was filed this morning --


I don't want to hear anything about women!


It was a woman put the frosting on my day!


Officer dwyer --


Officer dwyer comes into my office.


She goes berserk because I won't give her a promotion.


And that was before I took my coat off.


Chief, office dwyer is suing you for sexual harassment.


You couldn't wait till I took my coat off?


{,…}


You see, the cdw will review officer dwyer's complaint


And make an evaluation


As to whether or not to give her the funds


To press legal action against you.


Oh, I get it.


They usually find the woman is exaggerating,


There's no lawsuit, so she drops the charges.


Never.


Don't listen to addy.


She doesn't know what she's talking about.



Well, you tell your council of -- of whatever it is


That carl kanisky has a wonderful reputation


As a champion of women's causes.


And I'm not gonna have it screwed up by some dumb broad.


We do not use that word anymore.


Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.


I just get excited when I'm att*cked


By some daffy women's organization...


You know, that helps out any dizzy brunette


Who's trying to get ahead.


Uh-huh.


Well, this dizzy brunette is leaving...


Before she gets arrested for as*ault and battery.


[ Door slams ]


What's with her?


She's one of those daffy, dizzy women


That you just can't win with.


Well, I don't care what she thinks about me.


All I care is what the kids think.


I wouldn't worry.


You know, they think the world of you.


I can't believe it. My father's a lech.


What's a lech?


Well, I don't think he did it.


Did what?


Even if he did, I'll bet she started it.


Started what?


Yeah, you're right. It's just not like daddy.


What isn't?


Joey, will you get out of here?


This woman is taking you to court?


Why's she taking you to court?


Joey, come here. I want you to go upstairs.


Nobody wants me in the kitchen.


Nobody wants me in the living room.


Hey, that's okay with me.


But I'd sure like to know what a lech is.


Hiya, nell. Get out of my way.


I'm furious!


And when I'm furious, you better get out of my way.


Take your hat off. You're in the house.


Oh, I'm sorry, nell.


What is it, simpson?


The nerve of that officer dwyer.


She has the gall to ask me to be her witness.


Why would she ask you to be her witness?


Because I saw everything.


I didn't think things could get any worse.


My entire life is in simpson's hands.


Don't worry, chief.


I'm gonna swear there's no finer law officer in the land.


Every morning, he gives us a pep talk.


And when he sends us out in the streets, he says, "go get 'em,"


And gives each one of us a pat on the fanny.


Ohh.


Just like sparky anderson.


Simpson, when we go to court,


Maybe you should leave out that last part.


Oh, no. Everybody loves sparky.


Simpson!


Goodbye.


Oh, okay.


I just wanted you to know


That I'm gonna be rough on officer dwyer, chief.


She's got it coming.


The way she parades around the station house


In that tight uniform.


If you hadn't have groped her, chief, somebody else would have.


Chief, are we in big trouble here?


Oh, come on, nell.


Just exactly what did simpson see?


All he saw was officer dwyer with her blouse ripped


And my hand on her chest.


That's all?


I've heard of "copping a feel," but "feeling a cop"?


It was all her fault!


She ripped her badge off and tore her blouse.


When I went to calm her down, i-i-i --


That's when the physical contact took place.


And the grope?


Pop, I didn't grope her!


Ah, this is so stupid. It was an accident.


Simpson wouldn't have seen anything if he'd knocked.


The door was closed?!


Well, I thought she'd want some privacy.


I knew it was going to be a ticklish situation.


You tickled her, too?!


I didn't tickle her anything.


Carl, uh, it looks to me as if officer dwyer


Was a mighty pretty woman, huh?


How do I know if she's pretty or not?


She's a cop. All cops look alike to me.


Would you say she's as pretty as simpson?


All right, maybe she is attractive.


Carl, it's a delicate question, but did you ever touch her


At any other time when she was in your office?


Of course not.


Well, maybe just once.


A little sparky anderson?


No!



I put my hands on her shoulders


When I thought she was gonna cry.


But it was like I was her father.


Carl, remember, you're a widower.


Now, widowers can often get very, very lonely.


What is that supposed to mean, pop?


You're a widower yourself.


Where do you think I was till this morning?


It looks as though my own family thinks I'm guilty.


The only reason that this whole thing happened


Is she wants to get even with me for not re-assigning her.


She should have known that I'd never send a woman that pretty


Out on the streets.


Chief...


Look, we trust you.


And we know that you didn't mean to do it.


Thanks, nell.


But you know, sometimes, subconsciously,


We are attracted to other people.


Do you think, uh,


Maybe that's what happened to you in your office?


I don't know.


[ Knock on door ]


Come.


Hi.


What are you doing here?


Well, you know, you ran off this morning


And forgot your wallet.


Oh, thanks.


I knew I forgot something.


And...


Your shoes.


You went off in your sneakers.


I'll be damned.


Well, you got a lot on your mind.


You're upset.


Yeah.


I'm upset, too.


Is that why you're wearing your sneakers?


[ Knock on door ]


Come.


Oh, I'm sorry, I'll come back later.


No, no, I was just about to leave.


No, you're not!


Any communication between officer dwyer and myself


Is gonna take place in front of a witness.


Oh, so you're officer -- well, I'm nell harper.


I know, simpson's told me all about you.


Well, let me just tell you a few things about this man.


This man happens to be a wonderful father.


He mows the lawn every weekend.


He is also the captain of the bowling team --


Hold it! Hold it! I knew his wife before she d*ed.


I came by to tell you, chief,


That I just went by the cdw and dropped my complaint.


This morning I realized that you're not the kind of man


Who would be guilty of sexual harassment.


Oh, thank heavens.


See, you worried for nothing.


Well, I'm glad you finally came to your senses.


Last night, I dreamed that I was in a barn,


And this wild, passionate man threw me down in the hay


And started ripping my clothes off.


I looked up at his face.


It was you.


And I woke up laughing.


[ Laughing ]


The chief... In the hay...


Making hay... What the hey?


[ Both laughing ]


Just kidding. Just kidding.


Oh, really, chief...


It's not that I don't think of you as a wild, p-passionate --


[ Both laughing ]


Laugh this off, dwyer!


Nell chief.


I'm so ashamed.


I owe you an apology, for today and yesterday.


Well, look, I kind of provoked you by laughing at you.


Yeah, but...


I wouldn't have done that to one of my men.


The truth is...


Well, I didn't know it, but I guess I think you're...


A good-looking lady.


But that's no excuse for what I did yesterday.


I accept your apology, chief.


And, uh, I'd like to stay on the force.


But, uh, just as one of the guys.


Well, now that you are a liberated male,


How about putting this guy in a squad car where she belongs?


Okay, okay.


You just can't win with you women.


Thanks, chief, and I promise you,


I'll be the best cop you've got out there.


And I'm gonna treat you


Just like I treat every other cop, dwyer.


Officer jackson's your partner.


Go change your uniform and draw your equipment.


Yes, sir!


Go get 'em, dwyer.



Sparky!


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break