04x19 - The Earthquake

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Gimme a Break!" Aired: October 29, 1981 – May 12, 1987.*
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Nell Harper is the no-nonsense housekeeper and surrogate mother for police chief Carl Kanisky's children: Samantha, Julie and Katie.
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04x19 - The Earthquake

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


[ Telephone rings ] [ ringing continues ]


I'll get it.


You drink your coffee.


Hello?


Oh, nell, it's sal bonaducci at glenlawn motors.


Oh, good, then my car is probably ready.


Ask him, did he do the tune-up and the lube job?


Did you do the tune-up and the lube job?


He did the tune-up and the lube job.


That's on the $ . Special?


That was on the $ . Special?


That was on the $ . Special.


That's good.


That's good.


But it's $ for the new fuel pump?


[ Coughs ]


Hold on, sal.


I got a hunch she wants to talk to you.


Sal, that is the third fuel pump you put in my car


In the past two months, and I ain't paying for it.


I ain't gonna even drive my car anymore,


And I'm gonna tell my friends not to drive their cars, either.


Then who you gonna cheat?


You know, chief, two hours ago,


I made the biggest mistake of my life.


What was that?


I got out of bed.


Okay, nell, so it's been a bad day.


But you know what I firmly believe?


Even though a dark cloud may cover the sun,


That doesn't mean that old mr. Sun's not still shining.


I made that up myself.


Think about it.


I thought about it, chief. It stinks.


Joey.


Joey yeah, aunt nell?


Can you come in the kitchen, darling?


What's up?


Did you use my library card to go check out a book?


Uh-oh. I forgot to take it back.


You certainly did.


I'm sorry, aunt nell.


Well, it's five days' overdue,


And I just got a bill for it in the mail.


Oh, come on, nell. It's no big deal.


I'll pay joey's fine myself.


Oh, that's sweet of you, chief.


Here. It's for $ , .


You're right.


$ , .


Ol' mr. Sun still shining, chief?


Can I go outside and play?


Yeah.


Hey, but listen.


I better not catch you near a library


For the rest of your life.


This is obviously a computer error, nell.


You better call them.


Oh, yeah, you're probably right.


But I just want you to watch how I handle this.


I won't even have to go down there.


Hello.


To whom am I speaking?


Mrs. Crawford, yes, I have a problem, need you to help me.


I received a bill in the mail


For a book that's five days' overdue.


Now, this is gonna k*ll you. [ Laughs ]


The bill is for $ , .


[ Laughs ]


Mrs. Crawford, you aren't laughing.


Look, I have had a bad day.


First of all, my mail was scattered


All over the neighborhood.


Then I had a run-in with a thieving auto mechanic


At glenlawn motors.


Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, sal bonaducci.


See, even you know him for the thieving crook that he is.


Bonaducci is your maiden name?


Sal's your twin brother?


He--


Hello?


Yes, I need mrs. Gomez to help me with this woman.


Thank you.


Mr. Kirk?


Yes.



Oh, good. I have been searching --


Shh! Lower your voice. You're in a library.


I know, but we're in the basement.


Don't you think I know that?!


Hidden away in the bowels of this edifice


Like some amphibious vermin?!


How may the billing department help you?


Oh, well, um, I received this letter


For a book that's five days' overdue.


$ , ?


Yes, can you believe that?


Should have waited for it to come out in paperback.


[ Laughs ]


Shh, shh, shh.


I'll just check this out for you.


Still $ , . What?


It's obviously a computer error. It's easily remedied.


Just give us a check for the full amount,


And we'll refund the difference in a couple of months.


Are you crazy?! I don't have that kind of --


Shh!


I'll have our programmer, sal, check this out.


Oh, no, not another sal. First it was sal bonaducci --


Bonaducci? Mrs. Crawford's twin brother?


Wonderful mechanic. Keeps my car running like a top.


Mine too.


Isn't that wonder-- we both have the same mechanic.


That's what I love about a small town.


No one's a stranger.


I am in control of absolutely nothing.


And I hate that.


And I hate computers.


[ Rumbling, cracking ]


Aah! It's an earthquake!


Um, they say to get under a doorjamb.


The doorjamb! Come on, let's get under --


Forget the doorjamb!


Um, get under the counter!


I swear...


I will never hit another computer


As long as I live.


Oh, my god, the beam's in front of the door.


We'll never get out of here.


Help!


Oh, no!


Just stay calm. All right, all right.


All right.


Help!


Oh, no.


The hallway's a mess.


The ceiling has fallen in.


Okay, just -- just hope the ceiling doesn't fall here.


Now, if you give me a hand, we can move this beam,


Then I can go in the hall, and then I can get us an exit.


Will you come -- hey.


Here.


Give me a hand.


Stop, stop, stop! The ceiling is cracking!


Stop, stop!


Lady, are you deaf?!


Are you?!


The ceiling is cracking! Are you deaf?!


Look at me! The ceiling is cracking!


Are you deaf or something?!


Oh, my gosh.


You are deaf. You can't hear me.


Okay, wait, wait, wait.


Do you read lips? No, no.


Do you read my --


Oh, no.


Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right.


All right.


I have a pencil in my purse. I got a pencil in my purse.


Yes, I do. Okay.


Let's see.


There...


Has been...


An -- don't shake my hand.


There, you did it.


You broke a perfectly good pencil,


A number- soft.


Stay calm now.


Stay calm.


Stay calm.


Yes, you have a library card. That's nice.


Everybody has a library card.


What?


Oh, your name. Okay, all right, all right.


"Martha cadell."


Oh, boy, wait.


You're of spanish descent?


So you only read lips in spanish?


Oh, boy.


Okay.


Let's see what do I know, what do I know.


Okay, um...español.


Okay, good now.


Good, good.


Okay, uh, martha.


Right. All right, all right.



Um...uh, cucaracha.


Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Um...tortilla.


Okay.


Taco.


Chili con carne.


Oh, my god, we're in trouble. That's all I know.


[ Rumbling ]


That's right. It's god's department.


What are you doing to me?!


The ceiling's about to fall on my head,


And you stick with me a woman that can't hear,


That only read lips in spanish!


I'm sorry! I'm sorry!


Oh, god.


I'm gonna die


And have absolutely nobody to complain to.


{Text [ , index , start , end }


As a matter of fact, I am your classic bigmouth.


So, whether you like it or not,


I'm gonna be walking and talking.


Maybe a little of each. You know what I mean?


[ Cracking ]


Doesn't anybody know we're here?!


Doesn't anybody know that we are here?!


The ceiling is gonna fall down on us,


And all they're gonna find is two very flat people!


I'm sorry, martha.


I'm nervous and upset.


And when I am nervous and upset, I talk a lot.


Even when I'm not nervous and upset, I talk a lot.


But you know what? I'm not gonna talk so much.


I'm gonna turn around, I'm gonna listen to you because --


Listen, why don't you do the talking, okay?


All right. How was your day?


Oh, what a dummy!


Oh.


Lord, the woman is talking to herself.


She is actually talking to herself.


That is the silliest thing I've ever heard of.


What am I doing?


I'm sitting here talking to myself.


When two people are sitting in a room


And they're waiting for the ceiling to fall down,


They shouldn't be talking to themselves.


They should be talking to each other.


This is really stupid. This is awful.


Lady, martha.


Can you come over, please? Come -- here.


Here, sit down.


Sit down. Sit down, okay?


All right.


You, me, talk.


Yeah.


Oh, come on.


You, me, here, around us.


Yeah.


No, slow down. You're going too fast.


I don't understand what you're saying!


Will you stop?! I don't understand!


You're drawing two figures.


Okay.


"Yo."


"Usted."


Okay, yo, usted.


Ah! I got it! I got it! I got it!


Usted is black!


Yo, white. I got it.


Yo, white. Usted, black.


I got it! I got it! It's like we're talking!


We communicated! We are communicating!


But what are we saying?


Draw some more. Come on, draw some more.


Draw some more. Draw some more.


All right.


Yeah.


We're holding hands. Yeah, we're holding hands.


No, wait.


No, wait, wait.


I don't unders--


Hey, d-don't quit.


I mean...don't you know


That even though there's a dark cloud covering the sun,


That don't mean that mr. Sun ain't shining?


Ain't you heard that?


Of course she ain't heard that.


Me and my dumb ideas.


I just spent five minutes


Finding out I was black in spanish.


I knew that.


[ Sighs ]


No, please, stop.


Look, you tried, and it didn't work.


It's just gonna make matters worse.


So, why don't we just leave each other alone, okay?


[ Cracking ]


Will you leave me alone, lady?


What?


What?!


Will you stop talking with your hands?!



I don't like it when you talk with your hands!


I don't understand!


Ah.


That I understand.


Just for that...


Just for that...


Julio iglesias -- ech!


What do you mean, get away from you?


You get away from me! I don't want you near me!


I don't even want to know you!


I don't want you in the same room with me!


[ Rumbling ] I don't like you!


Oh, god, if I had known the day was gonna turn out this way,


I would have paid the lousy $ , for that stupid book!


I don't believe this is happening to me!


I don't believe this is happening to --


What?


You're telling me to shut up?


You can't even hear me


And you're telling me that I talk too much?


Well...


Maybe I did run off at the mouth a little bit,


But you ran off with the hands.


I'm sorry.


I'm sorry.


I hurt your feelings.


I mean...


I-i-i -- that's not like me.


I mean, the last thing I would want to do is...


Is to hurt somebody else.


Well, except sal bonaducci.


You see, when I was a little girl,


I-i...i was afraid that nobody liked me,


So...i found that if I sang, they liked me,


And...if I told jokes,


They would laugh and they would like me, and I need that.


I need people to like me. I need people.


Now here I am with the damn ceiling


About to fall on my head,


And there's only one other human being around, and...


She might as well be a million miles away.


Martha.


Hey, we got something in common.


We both pray.


Look, usted, baptist.


Yo, catholic?


Um...católico?


Yeah.


See, I used to sing in a catholic church all the time.


There was this priest who wanted me to sing at christmastime


Because there was only two kids in town


Who could sing "ave maria" in latin,


And that was me and shirley greenbaum,


But shirley greenbaum couldn't sing.


At christmastime, she would go to miami with her family.


You gonna start hitting me again?


What is it?


You understood something I said. Okay, all right.


The church, the priest, shirley greenbaum, right?


What?


Okay, yeah.


Are you gonna throw up on me?


Song. Song.


"Ave maria"? "Ave maria."


What?


You want me to sing?


Okay, I'll sing "ave maria." Okay.


Okay, um...


Ready? Okay.


♪ Ave


♪ Maria


♪ Gratia plena


♪ Maria


♪ Gratia plena


♪ Benedicta tu in mulieribus ♪


♪ Et benedictus


♪ Et benedictus fructus ventris ♪


♪ Ave


♪ Maria


Amen.


[ Jackhammer pounding ]


Oh, my god!


My god!


My god!


Chief nell?!


Yes, lord?


Are you down there?


Chief?


We're coming through the ceiling.


You'll be out in a couple of minutes.


Are you all right? We're just fine, chief.


Is someone there with you?


Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna be all right.


We're gonna do a little girl talk till you get here.


Oh!


[ Pounding resumes ]


Yes? You know what?


All this excitement's made me hungry, too.


I'll tell you what, when we get out of here,


I'm gonna take you to a mexican restaurant,



But I'm gonna order your way.


Show me how to say "taco."


No, no, no, no. Slow down, slow down.


No. No.


See, I've never been good at foreign languages.


Do this slow so I can get it right, okay?


Taco.


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break
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