05x02 - Ship of Fools: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Can we get this thing going? Sure. Yes, grandpa.


Now, this is not a picnic.


The family faces a financial crisis.


And I cannot stress too much the importance


Of one of us solving it before nell gets home from school.


Katie go ahead, grandpa.


Well, we've got this balloon payment


On the mortgage of $,.


Now, we can dip into our savings,


But there's a substantial penalty for early withdrawal.


Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late.


Is nell home yet? No, not yet.


Oh, thank heavens I b*at her.


Look, I just paid for the transmission


That fell out of my car.


All I have left is $.


Thanks, addy. Oh, addy, thank you.


We'll try and repay you as soon as we can.


Okay.


Well, all told, that comes to...


Just barely bucks.


Look, grandpa, we don't have any choice.


We're gonna have to get into the savings,


Even though there's a substantial penalty


For early withdrawal.


Well, if we do, we'll have to keep it quiet.


You know how nell feels about our savings account.


Yeah, if she heard we were even thinking


Of touching our savings, nell would panic.


Nell would panic about what?


Nobody said anything about you panicking.


Oh, yeah?


Well, what you people don't know is that when I come home,


I cut the motor on the car, then I coast up to the driveway.


And then I tiptoe up to the front door


So I can listen to see who's talking behind my back.


Nell, you're paranoid.


Of course, I'm paranoid.


Why else would I panic?


Now, what am I panicking about?


Oh! Oh, no.


We didn't say "nell would panic."


What we said is "nell is a panic."


Yeah!


Get your ugly face out of my pretty face.


See?!


You're so funny sometimes. Like now --


Cut it out! Now, what's going on here?


Nell, nothing is going on.


We're just having a family pizza party.


Hey, aunt nell, why don't you have a piece of pizza?


You love anchovies.


[ Gasps ] ah! That's mine.


Ah! It's mine!


Ah!


A check made out to grandpapa signed by adelaide wilson?


I sold her my body.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Nobody move!


I'm gonna get the truth out of this family


If I have to b*at it out of you with an anchovy.


Nell!


Tony!


Okay, what's going on here?


Who was that at the door?


Ah, nobody. Now, what's going on here?


You called him "tony." You must know him.


Of course I know him. He's my ex-husband.


That's tony?! Yes.


Now, what's going on here?


We've got to let him in.


Sit! Sit! Sit!


Sit.


Joey, I want you to turn off all the lights.


Perhaps he'll think we all going to sleep,


And he'll just go away.


Joey, sit down.


Nell, you can't slam a door in a man's face


Just because he's your ex-husband.


Julie, that is one thing you will learn -- you can.


You can't keep hating a man


Because he married an -year-old winner


Of a beauty contest.


Grandpapa, for your information, she was almost .


And she wasn't the winner.



She was second runner-up to miss east baton rouge,


And all she won was a bale of cotton


And an estée lauder travel kit.


If tony came all the way to glenlawn, it must be important.


Yeah, nell, it wouldn't k*ll you to see him.


Oh, well!


I'll run and catch up to him.


[ Thud ] ow!


Good news. He was still on the porch.


Why, tony, I see you still go in for big cigars, huh?


Nell, you look wonderful.


Thank you.


I got your address from the lawyer who handled our divorce.


I guess you two stay in touch.


Yes.


Tony, now that you're here, why don't you come in?


I'd like you to meet my family.


Uh, family, I'd like you to meet tony tallmadge.


Hiya, tony. Hiya, tony. Hiya, tony. Hiya, tony.


Well, now that you've met them, why don't you leave?


It happened to you again last night, didn't it, nell?


What happened to me again last night?


You got even prettier.


Uh -- uh -- t-tony, while you're here, how much do you want?


You still get right to the point, don't you?


I always loved that about you.


No, you always hated that about me.


Now, listen, I only have $ in my purse,


And that's all you're getting.


Snookums...


Nell, you got me all wrong.


Listen...i'm a hit.


My band's playing cruise ships.


That's why I looked you up.


My contract says I have to have a singer.


My last one got seasick and quit.


Well, I'm sure the second runner-up


To miss east baton rouge sings like a little bird --


A baby bird.


We divorced.


[ Laughs ]


Oh, a shame.


Hey, hey, hey.


So I made a mistake.


Now, how about singing for me, nell?


Tony, look, i-i-i go to college three nights a week,


And I have a -year-old boy that I am raising.


I have too many responsibilities.


So? Do your homework on the boat and bring him along.


I've arranged a big cabin for you.


You can even have a babysitter to watch him


While you're having fun on the cruise.


Fun?


A lot of fun.


Oh, no, no, no. No, no.


No, no. Okay, okay, look --


If you change your mind,


Call me at the blue water cruise line.


Yeah.


The ship doesn't leave till tomorrow. Okay.


And nell? Yeah?


Do the rest of the women in the world a favor.


What?


Don't get any prettier.


Goodbye, tony.


Oh, by the way, the gig pays $,.


Ciao. Ciao.


Stanley $,!


[ All screaming ]


Nell, that is terrific!


What do you mean, terrific?


You can't expect me to get on a boat with that man!


Nell, it's easy money.


Honey, understand --


I am not afraid of getting on a boat


That has sharks in the water.


But I am not getting on a boat


That has a shark leading the band.


Nell, you can't hold a grudge this long.


Tony just said he's not married to that teenager anymore.


Oh, sure.


That's the way it always is with men.


When the kid dumps them, they come running back to mama.


There's a balloon payment due on the mortgage,


And the $, would almost cover it.


I guess we'll just have to dip into our savings.


Dip into the savings?!


Grandpapa, don't you know there is a substantial penalty


For early withdrawal?


Yeah, and when you start to dip...


The savings run dry, you can't pay the mortgage,


And the family loses the house.


Lose the house?


Sally field would have been on that boat like a sh*t.


Sally field?


Sally field is always trying to save somebody's mortgage,


But that's in the movies.


This is not the movies! This is real life!


And you people cannot expect me to compromise my self-respect


And my pride for a man that is totally irresponsible!



He's a liar! He's a cheat!


The man that could make me jump into his arms just like that.


I am so weak.


Nell, we need you --


All right, I said I'd do it!


Hello.


Could I please have the number


For the blue water cruise lines, please?


She's gonna do it! Oh, I knew you'd come --


Shh!


They better make a movie out of this...addy.


And sally field better play me.


Yes.


Hey, aunt nell, can I go out on deck?


No!


Oh, aunt nell --


Joey, I need you.


You're supposed to be my protection.


Yeah, but you got addy as your protection.


Addy can fall overboard.


I'm not gonna fall overboard.


You leave my side, you will fall overboard.


Joey, go out on the deck and play.


Go ahead. Yay! Thanks, addy!


Why did I come?


I shouldn't have come.


Sally wouldn't have come.


Nell, you're blowing the whole thing out of proportion.


The man needs a singer, that's all.


He probably won't even try to hit on you.


You think so, baby? [ Knock on door ]


Oh, girl. All right. All right.


Flowers for nell harper.


Thank you.


They're from tony.


And you said he wouldn't try to hit on me.


Anytime a man sends long-stemmed red roses to a woman,


He's only trying to do one thing.


He's playing long ball. He's trying to take me downtown.


"Red roses to a lady who can really sing the blues. Tony."


I mean, how low can a man sink?


[ Sighs ]


I never thought you sang the blues that great.


Addy, baby? Come here, honey.


You are coming closer and closer


To sleeping with the fish.


Man on p.a. We have at p.m.,


The exciting shuffleboard round-robin.


And at p.m., We're playing a bridge round-robin.


And p.m., We have a really big treat --


The exciting pia zadora film festival.


Yes!


And at p.m.,


The after-dinner show in the ship's lounge,


Featuring the triumphant trumpet of tony tallmadge.


Ooh! I'll see you all later.


Hey, aunt nell, addy. This is my friend tammy.


She's , but she doesn't care if I'm .


Hi, addy. Hi.


Hi, aunt nell. Hello.


Is it okay if I call you that? Of course.


Joey's told me so much about you,


I feel like you're my aunt, too.


Aw, I'm just so happy he's found someone to be with


While he's on board.


Oh, I'm glad, too.


I was getting a little tired of all the older passengers


Talking about liver spots.


Hey, tammy, how about some ping-pong?


Sure! Bye, aunt nell! Bye, addy!


Aw, isn't she cute?


Well, looks like joey's got a shipboard romance.


Ah, it is so nice to see a young man


Attracted to an older woman.


You know, tammy reminds me of me when I was .


Yeah, she does remind me of you when you were .


Except she's pretty.


Nell!


You want to take another sh*t at my blues singing?


Oh, girl, you know I was just -- nell.


Here he is. If he touches me, k*ll him!


Nell. [ Chuckles ]


Hi, tony!


I'm addy. It's nice to meet you.


Nice to meet you, addy.


You must be the babysitter.


In a way.


Okay, guys. .


I'm sure you remember all the arrangements.


Yes, yes, yes.


All right, let's run it down from the left-hand corner.


[ Slow jazz music plays ]


Oh, I love it when you wah-wah.


Nobody makes me play it like you, nellie bean.


Get a grip on yourself, nellie bean.


Thank you, addy.


But if you call me "nellie bean" one more time,


You'd better be wearing a life jacket.


Nell, do you recognize my trumpet?


Of course. That's the one I gave you.



That's the one you threw at me.


Yeah, I guess we did have some good laughs.


We sure did --


Some laughs, some real good times.


And some bad times, too.


You know, we tend to forget the bad times.


I mean, you ask mussolini about world w*r ii,


He'll say, "boy, we sure had some laughs."


You're right.


Can we just get on with it, please?


Thank you.


Fellas, let's do number instead.


[ Slow jazz music plays ]


I don't believe it.


He's playing our favorite song.


What?


That man is a slime bucket.


I'll be right here.


Is this the music?


♪ Our day will come


♪ And we'll have everything


♪ We'll share the joy


♪ Falling in love can bring


♪ No one can tell me that I'm to young to know ♪


♪ I love him so


♪ And he loves me


♪ Our day will come


♪ If we just wait a while


♪ No tears for us


♪ Think love and wear a smile


♪ Our dreams have magic


♪ Because we'll always stay in love that way ♪


♪ Our day


♪ Our day


♪ Our day


♪ Will come


[ Music stops ]


Well!


That was good.


Whoa, I'm just...


Got me all revved up, I guess.


Couldn't be better. Couldn't be better.


Let's go.


Addy, no, I think I should stay and rehearse, darling.


I could never get enough rehearsal, dear.


You're wrong.


You rehearse too much, you lose that spark.


Addy, I am up to here with spark.


What are you doing?


I hope that ugly dress you're wearing is wash-and-wear.


You have embarrassed me in front of the band.


I will never forgive you for this.


Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.


Girl, girl, girl. You were right about him.


There is no telling how much slime he's hiding


Behind all that charm.


Slime?


You call that sweet pussycat slime?


You know nothing.


Nell, you said the man was dishonest, unreliable,


A deadbeat, and a liar.


You're taking it out of context, addy.


You told me to keep you away from him.


You know what? You're just jealous.


You're jealous because you're the only one on board


Who doesn't have a shipboard romance going on.


Even joey managed to find somebody.


Oh, nell!


Come on! He's changed!


Tony's different now.


Why are you trying stand between me and the man that I love?


Are you telling me


That you have fallen in love with tony again?


Yeah.


He wah-wah'd.


And I gaga'd.


Oh, addy, I'm so weak.


Oh, nell, you're getting carried away.


I mean, the flowers, the ship, the ocean --


It's all very romantic,


But you get that man back on land, and he's dirt.


You know what? I'm so stupid.


I should have known better than to ever try to discuss


Something as sensitive as human relations with you!


You said, "if he touches me, k*ll him!"


Can't you take a joke?!


You know what, nell? You are kidding yourself.


Tony tallmadge is the same guy you dumped years ago.


Addy. Oh, addy, addy, addy.


Haven't you ever heard...


"The second time around"?


Are you gonna sing that, too?


No.


I'm saving my voice... So I can sing at your funeral.


Look, nell, just do what you want to do.


I've told you how I feel.


I'm gonna go out on deck


And find myself a shipboard romance,


And I don't care if he's years old.


Don't leave me! Don't leave me.



You don't need me as protection anymore.


Yes, I do. I need you. Listen, listen.


I need you for guidance.


You're my very best friend.


I'm gonna sing at your funeral.


Oh, well...


Even though I don't approve,


There's only one thing for you to do.


You got to go out there and find tony


And tell him just exactly how you feel.


Oh, addy, addy. Oh.


Oh, addy, I knew you'd understand.


Thank you, thank you.


Okay, I'm gonna do exactly what you said.


I'm gonna go find tony tallmadge,


And I'm gonna tell that man exactly how I feel.


Oh, nell.


Oh, thank you, addy.


You know, when I have to go into analysis,


You really should pay half.


Oh, addy. Hmm?


I saw a -year-old man


Taking a nap in a deck chair up there.


I hope he's single.


Hi, baby.


[ Chuckles ]


Hi, lover.


What are you doing?


I'm getting ready for tonight's show.


I'm sorry I haven't spent more time with you.


I mean, we are on our honeymoon.


[ Chuckles ]


Mmm.


We'll have plenty of time for our honeymoon later.


Hey, mrs. Tallmadge,


Do the rest of the women in the world a favor.


Don't get any prettier.


Hi, aunt nell.


Hi, tammy.


Gosh, she's cute.


Tony, can I see you for a moment?


Sure.


Um, there's something i-i need to talk to you about.


As a matter of fact, there's something I need to talk to you about.


Well, what I have to talk about concerns the both of us.


What I have to talk to you about concerns the both of us, too.


But, see, yours can wait.


You see, yours can't be as important as mine.


You see...


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break