05x09 - The Elevator

[bunniefuu]

Hi, nell. Hi, baby! You gonna stay for dinner?



Hi, nell. Hi, baby! You gonna stay for dinner?


Oh, no. I just came to pick up sam.


What are you doing home? It's saturday night.


Is it saturday night? I hadn't noticed.


I've been so busy making this meat loaf


That nobody is gonna eat.


Why don't you call addy?


She has a date with some man.


You know, it's just strange --


I'm going through one of my dry spells,


And addy, bless her heart, she always has a man.


She's such a tramp.


Nell, I hear the guy she's dating is very nice.


It's all relative, honey.


I guess my standards are far too high.


Oh, then it didn't work out


With the sparkletts water man, huh?


Just how long can you talk


About mountain spring water, huh?


Hi, katie.


I'll be going now, nell.


Where you going?


The movies. We're double-dating.


I fixed samantha up with a really cute guy.


Let her find her own dates. Why don't you fix me up?


Come on, samantha -- just in case she isn't kidding.


Who's kidding?


Hi, nell. Hi.


Did you know your front doorbell is out of order?


Yes.


Why don't you have it fixed?


Why should i?


Nobody's rung my bell in over a month.


Turn off the stove and put everything in the freezer.


You're going out with me tonight.


Addy, I don't want to go out with you and maynard.


Nell, we're not dating anymore.


Oh, addy, you poor baby!


You see, nell, we're getting married.


[ Giggles ]


♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


So maynard said, "fine, "you go ahead with your girlfriend


And pick out your wedding ring."


Oh, I'm so happy you came with me, nell.


Nell!


I'm happy for you.


Didn't you hear what I said?


I'm picking out my wedding ring. My wedding ring!


Did you hear what I said? I said I'm happy for you!


The most thrilling moment of my life


Is going with you to pick out your wedding ring


When I haven't had a date in a month!


Nell, why are you so upset?


You know, you're my closest friend,


And I want you to share a very special moment in my life.


Addy...


Wait.


Look...


When you first told me


That you were going to marry maynard...


All right, I was jealous.


But I'm not anymore.


Honey, I'm just worried.


I mean, my very best friend


Is about to marry a man she's only known for a month.


Oh, nell.


True love doesn't need more than a month.


A desperate woman doesn't need more than a month.


[ Sighs ]


[ Clears throat ]


Excuse me.


Be with you in a minute -- hangnail.


Don't want it to catch on my new shetland sweater.


We want to see some wedding rings.


Congratulations. You'll make a beautiful bride.


I'm the one who's getting married.


So you'll make a beautiful bride.


Uh, may I see a wedding ring, please?


Certainly.


Pick that one.


It's costume.


Doesn't matter. I only give the marriage six weeks.


Six weeks -- her marriage.


[ Laughing ]


Excuse me for a minute.


I don't believe you,



Embarrassing me in a public place!


Girl, I was just kidding.


I mean, where's your sense of humor?


Thank you very much.


I think I'll just come back on monday -- alone.


Good. Monday's my day off.


What?


Well, anytime you're ready to apologize, nell.


For what?


You know, you were right -- you are jealous.


It just makes you crazy that I got a guy


And you're sitting home staring at a meat loaf.


Oh, yeah?


Well, I guess we're just about even.


I got myself a meat loaf -- you got yourself a meatball.


Now you made me miss my elevator.


Oh, big deal! So what?


Elevators are like men --


If you wait long enough, another one will come along.


Ha!


Well, don't wait too long, nell,


Or you'll be too old to push the button.


Ha!


Oh, yeah?! Oh, yeah?!


Well, I want you to know


That two days after they bury me,


I'll still be better at pushing buttons than you!


Yeah! Yeah!


Yeah! Yeah!


Yeah! Yeah!


[ Elevator music plays ]


[ Metal scraping ]


[ Breathing heavily ]


Oh.


"In case of emergency --


"If this elevator becomes inoperative


"While you are in it --


-- Please stay inside the car."


" -- Do not attempt to open or exit through the hatch."


" -- Push the alarm bell button.


Office space still available for rent."


What the...


[ Alarm ringing ]


Help! Help!


Can anybody hear me?


Help! Help!


Man in the elevators, can you hear me?


Yes! Yes!


Listen very carefully -- don't panic.


And whatever you do, don't move around.


The last time this happened, a lady moved around too much


And plunged floors to the basement.


Hello. Operator?


No, this is not the operator.


Addy, get off this phone!


I'm stuck on the th floor,


And I'm trying to reach the operator!


I am, too, nell! I'm stuck in the elevator, too!


You get off the line.


Shut up and don't move!


The last time this happened,


A lady fell floors to the basement!


Now, get off the phone so I can call the operator!


Nell, I'll make the call.


You'll only get hysterical


And the operator won't even know what you're talking about!


Who you calling hysterical? You!


Addy, I am at my best in a crisis.


In a crisis, I am at my best!


[ Metal scraping ]


[ Gasps ]


You know, addy, this is obviously an omen.


What do you mean, this is an omen?


If I hadn't been picking out your stupid wedding ring,


I wouldn't be caught in in this elevator


In this doggone building.


I tell you, girl, the lord don't want you to marry that man!


Nell, the lord is much too busy


To care whether or not I marry maynard!


If we fall floors to the basement,


We can both ask the lord face-to-face.


Oh, nell, I'm upset enough already!


Then get off the phone and let me call the operator!


Now, what's your extension?


.


! ! What'd I tell you?


Mine is lucky . [ Laughs ]


Hello, operator.


Look, I'm stuck in an elevator on the th floor.


Well, I don't want an outside line.


Look, operator,


A man yelled down to us to stay calm and not to panic.


Now, what I want to know from you


Is how long I have to wait before I can panic.


'Cause, baby, I'm gonna panic.


Sure. Yeah, you can call me back.


My extension is -- you got a pencil?


Okay. My number is lucky .


Bye.


[ Telephone rings ]



Addy? Yes, nell?


Okay. The operator's gonna call me back.


Oh, good.


Uh, let's -- let's think about something else.


Okay, addy. Just think pleasant thoughts.


Right. Pleasant thoughts.


Where do you think I should hold the wedding reception?


Addy, can I ask you something?


Yeah.


Why would you want to marry a man who wears a rug?


Nell, there is nothing wrong


With a man who wears a toupee.


Addy, you're missing the point.


Look, honey, I don't care


If the man is as bald as a bowling ball.


The point is, he didn't tell you that when you met him.


Nell, what was he supposed to say?


"Hi, I'm maynard st. John. I wear a rug."


Well, what's wrong with that? Oh, nell!


Oh, addy, don't you see?


If he was hiding that, what else is he hiding?


Have you ever looked under that rug?


Nell, I have never hung up on anyone in an elevator before,


But I'm gonna do it now.


[ Metal scraping ]


Ooh!


[ Telephone rings ]


[ Whimpering ]


Addy? Did you just feel that?


Yes.


Oh, nell, I am so scared.


Oh, addy.


Look, I shouldn't have said anything about maynard.


I mean --


The lord is punishing me!


Then why did my elevator move?


I guess because you're such a good friend,


You're in trouble, too.


[ Voice breaking ] I tell you, addy...


I'm n-n-no good!


Nell, that is not true.


Yes, it is. Yes, it is.


The way I treat you is despicable,


Unspeakable, unforgivable!


Well, that's true.


[ Grunts ]


[ "Feelings" plays ]


Nell, do you hear music?


♪ Feelings


♪ Who-o-oa, feelings


♪ Who-o-oa, feelings


Oh, I love that song.


I guess the music came on when I hit the wall.


Well, hit it again.


"Feelings" is a bad song to die to.


Do you know a good song to die to?


[ Music stops ]


[ Groans ]


Oh, nell. I wish we were in the same elevator.


At least that way we could hug each other for comfort.


Come to think of it,


We would be if I hadn't gotten angry with you.


Oh, honey, you had a perfect right.


I mean, I don't even know maynard that well.


I don't even know what kind of business he's in.


Oh, he works in silicon.


That's good, baby!


Your body could use a lot of help!


Nell, I said he works in silicon, not silicone.


Oh, that's too bad.


But it sounds like he's doing well.


Well, he does okay,


Except he has alimony payments to meet every month.


That's why I'm paying for my own wedding ring.


Wait, wait, wait.


You're paying for your own wedding ring?


Nell, it's no big deal. I'm glad to help out.


In fact, it's only right


That a woman help out a man who's paying alimony.


How much is it?


Well, it's not actually one big lump sum.


It's three separate checks to his ex-wives.


How many?


There's nothing wrong with a man


Who's been married a couple of times.


Three, addy. A couple is two.


Well, it doesn't make him less of a person.


It just so happens


That he never found the right woman until he met me.


I can believe that.


A man would have to search an awfully long time


Before he could find a woman with a phd


Who's dumb enough to buy her own wedding ring.


Nell, if you knew him better,


You would know that he is kind, he is considerate,


He's a wonderful father, he is thoughtful --


Whoa, whoa, whoa -- back up. Back up, back up, back up.


The man has a kid?


Well...


Well?



Well...


Does he have more than a kid?


A couple.


Two? Okay, five!


Five kids, three wives?!


Nell, I don't mind a ready-made family.


You know I've always wanted to be a mother.


Addy, with two kids, you're a mother.


With five, you're a shepherd!


Well, if we don't get out of here,


It won't matter anyway.


I'm gonna miss you, nell.


What do you mean, you're gonna miss me?


I'm going with you!


I'm not sure we're going to the same place.


[ Metal scraping ]


Nell, my elevator just slipped again.


Mine too.


Oh, nell, I just know


They're never gonna get us out of here alive!


Addy, stop it!


Now, look...


You've just got to have faith, okay?


On the other hand,


A good, strong chain would come in handy, too.


Oh, nell, I'm gonna miss


So many things in this life that I love.


Me too.


What are you gonna miss the most?


Breathing.


I'm gonna miss walking on the beach.


I'm gonna miss my family.


I'm gonna miss rocky road ice cream.


I'm gonna miss "dynasty."


sh**t!


I wish I knew the real story on claus von buelow.


Oh.


I wish I knew how the iraq-iran w*r turned out.


I've been following that, you know.


Oh, nell, it just seems so unfair!


[ "You send me" plays ]


Nell! Nell, do you hear what they're playing?


Oh, does that bring back memories.


Sure does.


You know, the first time I heard --


Addy, we were at your house.


Oh, that's -- oh, nell, remember?


We were sitting on my bedroom floor,


Getting ready for our first high-school dance.


I had a date, and you didn't.


Ah! [ Chuckles ]


But when we left that dance,


I had a date, and you didn't.


♪ You send me


♪ I know that you send me


♪ Darling, you send me


♪ Honest, you do


♪ Honest, you do


♪ Honest, you do


♪ Who-o-o-oa


♪ You thrill me


You know, addy, we have had some great times.


Oh, nell, the greatest.


Do you remember bobby hutchins?


Do you remember george krynicky? Ooh, he was fine.


Ooh, get back.


Yes.


♪ At first, I thought it was infatuation ♪


♪ But oh, it's lasted so long ♪


♪ Now I find myself wanting you ♪


♪ I want to marry you and take you home ♪


♪ Who-o-o-oa


♪ You send me


♪ I know that you


♪ Send me


♪ Darling, you send me ♪


♪ Honest, you do


♪ Honest, you do


Hey, addy.


What, nell?


You know, I was really kind of rough on you,


You know, about your marrying maynard and all.


And he really does sound like a sensitive guy.


I mean, five kids and three wives --


He obviously likes people.


[ Sighs ]


I guess the important thing is that you love him.


You know, I was thinking.


Why don't you call maynard and, you know, tell him goodbye?


I mean just in case.


I'm sure he loves you, too.


Oh, nell. That's so sweet.


I think I will call him.


[ Clears throat ]


Operator, could I have an outside line?


Yes, it's a local call.


Thank you.


Hi. Can I speak to maynard, please?


He's in the shower?


Well, who is this?



His fiancée?!


Well, when maynard dries himself off,


You tell him his other fiancée called


And then throw his butt back in the shower!


[ Sighs ]


[ Telephone rings ]


Hello?


Nell?


Oh. So, how did maynard take it?


Oh. He got hysterical.


The thought of losing me was just too much for him.


Yeah. Just goes to show you.


You're lucky, addy. He really does love you.


I guess he is a sensitive guy.


He's a creep!


What do you mean, calling that sensitive guy a creep?


Well, he was in the shower,


And his fiancée answered the phone.


What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?


Five kids, three wives -- what's two fiancées?


Honey, I knew it all along! Mm-hmm!


Well, I'm glad I'm not marrying him.


You know, he always showers with his rug on,


And I hate the smell of wet wool.


Honey, I'm just glad you found him out for what he was


Before you made that terrible mistake!


And you know what, addy?


When we get out of here tonight --


And I know we are, 'cause we're gonna get out alive --


I am going to take you to dinner


At the fanciest restaurant in town.


You want to know why?


I said, do you want to know why?!


Yeah, why?


Because this brush with death


Has taught me how important you are to me.


Oh, nell. You are a wonderful friend.


And I'd love to go out to dinner with you tonight.


[ Thud ]


Man this is the fire department.


We're coming down.


I think we've been saved.


I'll call you back.


Wow.


Are you okay?


Uh, well...


I just -- uh, well...


Right there, just a little.


I'm sure your wife must worry


With you doing such dangerous work.


I'm not married.


Catch me. I'm weak.


Could you help me to the phone over there?


Thank you. I got it now.


Okay, charlie.


Addy? Oh, nell.


About dinner tonight.


Yeah?


Something came up. Bye.


You've just witnessed the th performance of "gimme a break," five glorious years.


[ Cheers and applause ]


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break