05x23 - Found Money

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Oh, hi, everybody. Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!


Oh, boy.


Oh.


Nell! Nell! Nell! Nell!


Well, now that I have everybody's attention.


Do you remember when my grandmother passed away


And she left all that property to her grandchildren?


Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.


You know, come to think of it,


I had forgotten all about that.


And?! And?! And?! And?!


Oh, well, anyway, they sold the property,


And they divided the money between the children,


And my share came out to $,..


Oh, congratulations!


Now, I want everybody to take off their shoes and socks


And walk barefoot through my money.


Oh!


Oh, nell. We are so happy for you!


Nell, how come you brought it all in cash?


Well, see, I was at the bank,


And I was just about to deposit it into my savings account


When I heard this old lady's voice.


It was my grandmother's voice.


Yeah? Yeah.


She said [southern accent] "nell, honey.


"When you're up to your hips in high cotton..."


Pick it. [ Normal voice ] no.


"When you're up to your hips in high cotton,


Go for the whole wagonload."


What does that mean?


Well, honey, that means that when it's found money,


You go out and spend it on something that's fun.


So, what you gonna do with it, nell?


Well, I got it figured out. There are eight of us.


So, that means that each one of us gets $....


What?!


...to spend on something fun --


You know, get yourself something that you always wanted


But never did get, you know?


[ Indistinct talking ]


Just let me divide it up, okay?


Nell, you're really serious about giving us the money?


Nell, you're being very generous,


But, really, none of us wants to take your money


And just throw it away.


Boring, boring, boring! Dull, dull, dull!


You are a boring, dull family!


I mean, george bush is more exciting than you!


And you are the epitome of a boring, dull friend!


I mean, come on, guys.


I mean, ever since I was a little girl of ,


There was just this one thing I've always wanted,


But I never got it


Because, well, I thought I couldn't afford it.


Well, today I took my share, my $., And I got it.


That's what you've always wanted?


Well... That and a maserati.


[ Chuckles ]


But, you know, the important thing


Is that it was found money, so I went out and had fun.


So, now every time my little cuckoo cuckoos,


I'm going to have a smile on my face.


But, of course, you people


Wouldn't know anything about smiling.


That's why you ain't got no dimples.


Okay, I'll break the ice. I'll take my money.


Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.


We're gonna go by age.


That's a good idea.


Youngest first. Go ahead, joey.


Joey always gets to go first!


Now, we can spend this money


On anything we want, right, nell?


Right, as long as it's frivolous.


Let's get together friday night


And see what everybody bought.


We'll make it a party.


I-i can't. I'm working friday night.


Ohh. Ohh.


But I'll call in sick. Now, that's frivolous.


Oh, I love this family.


I mean, this is all so -- it's so...


[ Cuckooing ]


Oh, aunt nell! Not now, joey. Not now.



But, aunt nell! Joey, please.


My cuckoo's gonna come out of the cuckoo clock and cuckoo.


.........


Nell. Julie, please. Not now.


Don't you want to see --


Julie, did I just tell you not now?


[ Cuckoos ]


Do you know what you just made me do?


What?


You just made me miss my bird.


You don't have to be so upset, nell.


All you have to do


Is move the big hand on the clock back a minute.


Anybody can do that!


The fun thing is watching it happen naturally --


Just like that little, old clockmaker in switzerland


Intended it to be!


Nell, that clock was made in hong kong.


I know -- by a swiss refugee.


Here's your mail.


Thank you.


"Resident, resident, occupant, res--"


Uh, oh. Here's a hot one.


This is my bank statement.


[ Clears throat ]


Oh, look, joey got a letter.


I didn't know he was a member of the smithsonian institute.


I'll give it to him.


Oh, and julie?


Yeah?


I'm sorry.


Me too.


[ Cuckoos ]


[ Giggles ]


Ohh!


Excuse me, miss.


I just received my monthly bank statement here,


And you people have made a terrible mistake.


[ Sighs ]


I'll have to put this into the computer.


It will just be a moment.


Thank you.


Simpson. [ Gasps ]


Oh, hiya, nell.


Are you all right?


I can't remember


My a*t*matic-teller secret-code number.


Well, honey, don't you usually use numbers


That are easy to remember --


You know, like... Your address or your birthday?


Oh, yeah.


In fact, the secret code I used


Was the exact date I got my a*t*matic-teller card.


But I can't remember when that was.


Simpson, life is difficult for you, isn't it?


It's no walk in the park.


Well, good luck, honey.


Oh, by the way, nell. Yeah?


I heard about the money you got from alabama...


And how you gave it all to your family...


And your best friend


And told them to go out and spend it on something fun.


Boy, you are really something.


Uh...


Miss harper?


Excuse me, please.


Yes.


I think I found the problem.


No hard feelings.


You cashed a check at the bank several days ago


For $,..


Yes.


That check was returned for insufficient funds.


It bounced?!


No, there must be some mistake here, honey.


Well --


"Well," what?!


When your check...bounced,


Since we'd already given you the cash,


We had to deduct the $,. From your account,


Which leaves you with a balance of $.


Just as the statement indicates.


Oh, please, you got to run that through for me again.


I can't afford to have $, taken out of my account.


Well --


Again with "well"!


All right.


We'll run it through the computer again.


"All right.


We'll run it through the computer again."


This won't take long.


I just have to key in your code again.


There it is.


Oh, miss harper, the computer did make an error.


Well, I'm just glad you admitted it,


Because I was just about


To draw all of my money out of this bank, baby.


Your balance is not $..


It's $..


Have a nice day.



[ Snickering ]


[ Laughing ]


Hello, mama? This is nell. Your daughter.


Yes, mama. I think that's very funny.


I just love it when you forget my name.


It's nell, mama!


Mama, look, do you remember the money


That we got from selling grandma's property?


No, mama, I did not go out and just throw it away.


Listen.


I was having a little trouble cashing my check,


And I was wondering if you could call cousin melba


To see if she had any trouble cashing --


Oh?


You're not speaking to her. Okay.


Well, mama, maybe you can call cousin wilma,


And then you can --


You're not speaking to her, either.


Oh, mama! You could call cousin jody.


I know you're speaking to her.


You love her. You've always loved her.


She's not speaking to you?


Yes, mama, yes. You're right, mama.


You're right.


Everybody on daddy's side of the family is crazy.


[ Cuckooing ] shut up!


Not you, mama. I'm talking to a clock.


People in california talk to appliances.


Shut...up!


Mama, this clock -- all it's doing


Is reminding me of the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life!


No, mama, I don't need you to make a list


Of all the other dumb things in life I've done.


Mama, please. Just call them for me.


Mama, you know, you're acting like a -year-old.


Forget you, already! Just give me their numbers!


What do you mean you can't give me their numbers?


Now you're not speaking to me?


Why?


Hello?


Hello!


[ Grumbling ]


You can hide, but you can't run.


Aunt nell, look.


It's almost time for the cuckoo to come out. I don't care!


You got plenty of time to watch that cuckoo come out!


It comes out every hour on the hour


To stick its tongue out at me!


Okay, aunt nell.


When you do come out, I'm gonna k*ll you!


Maybe I caught you at a bad time.


Who are you gonna k*ll?


That cuckoo!


It comes out every hour on the hour --


Lord knows -- , , --


Just to taunt me, to haunt me, to tease me,


To make fun of me!


The stupid old...


Nell! ...bird!


Nell, I thought you loved your cuckoo clock.


Oh, please.


It's just a symbol of waste... Reckless spending.


Addy, you know the check that I got


From my grandmother's property?


Sure.


Well, I cashed it.


It bounced.


I'm broke.


Now I'm in big trouble.


Oh, honey. That's terrible!


Are you gonna ask everybody to give the money back?


Oh, addy, please!


I can't ask them to give the money back.


They're my family.


I almost forced them to take it.


I called them boring and dull people.


I can't say, "hey, you boring, dull people,


Give me back my money."


They're my family, and you're my oldest and dearest friend.


You're not family. Give me back my money.


Nell, I can't.


I spent six hours yesterday


At the narcissus health and beauty spa.


I got the whole enchilada.


I got a massage, a sauna, a manicure, a pedicure,


Got my hair done, and got a facial.


[ Giggles ]


You would go that route, wouldn't you, old tramp?


"Tramp"? Yes.


Trampy, trampy, trampy, trampy tramp.


I bet you went out with your freshly painted toenails


And your newly done skin


And tried to pick up some dumb, old guy


And make him think that you look that way all the time.


Nothing personal, nell,


But do you really expect people to believe


You were born with kiss-of-indigo eyelids?


This is all your fault.


My fault?! Yes!


You stood there and watched me hand out all that money



Like I was the head of opec!


Nell, I thought you were doing a terrific thing


In the spirit of your grandmother's


Wonderful philosophy, "found money should be spent."


You're lucky.


My grandmother was the cheapest old lady you ever saw.


You know she used to bury her money


In a soup can in the backyard?


Where, addy?! Where?! I need the money!


Where?! Please tell me! Where?!


You are sick! All right, nell.


Even though I spent every cent,


I'm gonna pay you back, 'cause you know why?


'Cause you're getting on my last nerve.


Wait a minute. I don't know why I did it.


I don't know why I'm doing this, addy.


I'm sorry.


You are my oldest and my dearest friend.


That's what you keep telling me.


Here.


I can't take this. Good.


Give me back that check!


Oh, look, nell, maybe the family didn't spend the money.


Why don't you just ask them for it back?


Addy, I told you. I can't. They're my family!


Oh, who cares?! So I'm broke! So I'm broke!


I just have to put on a happy face,


And I just have to smile at their good fortune.


Okay.


Hi, nell. Hi, addy.


Oh, hi, katie.


I can't wait to find out what everybody spent their money on.


Can you? No, no, no, no.


It's gonna be fun, fun, fun.


So, I guess you spent your money.


Oh, yeah.


Well, do you mind telling your old aunt nell


What you spent it on?


I got the most fantastic picasso print for my apartment.


You threw away my money on a bum like picasso?!


Picasso was a great artist.


Oh, please. I wouldn't let him paint my bathroom.


Nell, you don't like picasso. I like picasso.


You said we should spend the money on something we wanted.


Addy, shoes I can understand, but picasso?!


Nell, about that happy face...


You got it on upside down.


Cuckoo, cuckoo.


♪ ...the trouble I seen


You guys, come on. What are we waiting for?


Let's just all tell what we bought.


Wait. Could you just wait one moment?


I'll be right back.


♪ Nobody knows


[ Clock cuckoos ]


[ Crashing ]


[ Laughing evilly ]


♪ Happy days are here again


♪ Doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo ♪


♪ Doo-doo


[ Chuckles ]


Nell...julie and I took to heart


Your grandmother's philosophy


That found money should be spent on something frivolous.


Hmm.


But, uh, then we got to thinking,


Nell, every time you find money, you give it to all of us.


So, with your found money, well, we got you something


That we heard you say you always wanted.


You got me something?


Yeah.


Sam and I did the same thing.


This is incredible! So did i!


So did i!


But I didn't spend all the money on your gift.


No, no.


I saved out $ and bought you lottery tickets.


Wow!


You lost.


I just don't know what to say.


Well, so, why don't you shut up


And open your presents, huh?


Mmm!


Addy, look!


Ohh.


It is an original mickey mouse watch.


A mouse to replace my cuckoo.


All right, we're next.


Nell, I lied about the picasso.


Sam and I pooled our money.


Yeah, we couldn't think of anything else


That would make you happier.


Really?


It's a gift certificate for $.!


Addy, it's to morrison shoe store!


Oh, I think I just d*ed and went to heaven!


Oh!


Nell, I know you like to read in bed,


So went out, and I got you this little reading lamp.


Oh.



Grandpa.


It's...


Just what I wanted.


The belly button's a night-light.


You know, grandpa, I would truly be honored


If you were to use this for a while.


No need to, nell. I got one for myself, too.


Thank you.


Nell, I lied about the beauty spa.


Instead... [Giggles]


I got you this.


Ooh.


Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo.


Ooh.


Nell, isn't it exciting?


N-nell? Nell? Nell? Over here.


Look, I got a limo, dinner,


And a night out on the town for you and me.


Oh, addy, this is like dying


And going to heaven all over again.


Oh, listen, guys.


The car's waiting, nell.


Well, wait a minute.


I have a confession to make.


You see, at first,


I thought my grandmama was really stupid,


You know, about spending found money.


But now I realize that I was really wrong.


I mean, your family -- you just...


You've just given me so much love.


I just feel like the richest woman in the whole world.


And, addy, I'm sorry, honey.


I knew you were lying to me about going to the spa.


I mean, I could take just one look at you


And see that you haven't had a facial.


Are you the driver?


That's right.


[ Sighing ] hmm.


Aunt nell?


Yes?


I feel awful.


That's nice, honey.


I'm the only one that didn't get you anything.


That's okay, honey. I know you really love me.


I did something bad, aunt nell.


What?


You know that money that you gave me? Yeah?


Well, I put it all in my school savings account.


You put all that money in your school savings account?


Yeah. Now I've got $.. Hey, I'm loaded.


Oh, joey, I'm so proud of you.


We're gonna have to talk later, though, okay?


Well, darling, your limo awaits.


Dear, uh...


Addy is my oldest and closest friend.


She'll drive.


You will be in the backseat with me.


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break