06x06 - The Apartment

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Gimme a Break!" Aired: October 29, 1981 – May 12, 1987.*
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Nell Harper is the no-nonsense housekeeper and surrogate mother for police chief Carl Kanisky's children: Samantha, Julie and Katie.
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06x06 - The Apartment

Post by bunniefuu »

{,…}


The one time I ask you, my so-called very best friend,


For help, and what do you do?


You leave your brain in the backseat of a cab.


Nell, I'm sorry, but I love romance novels.


I just got caught up in the story.


Will you forget the story?! Who cares what that jerk wrote?!


Look, if I am going to get a job at this publishing company,


It is my synopsis that counts.


They're gonna want to know if I know the difference


Between a good novel and a bad novel.


I think it's good.


Who cares what you think?


I got to get this job.


I'm sorry, nell. No, you're not.


No, you're not, 'cause you only think about yourself.


You don't care about anybody.


Will you put that letter down and listen to me?!


I'm sorry, nell. No, you're not.


Look, go ahead, read me your synopsis,


And I will tell you if it sounds professional.


Please?


Oh, okay.


"At times in the manuscript, the author's development


Of his two main characters drags a bit."


You like that?


Yeah.


"But just as they approach predictability,


"The author reveals new, intriguing,


"And sometimes frightening qualities,


"As in chapter , when the hero is accused of murders,


But his fiancée still refuses to call off their wedding."


I can't believe she'd marry that guy.


I give up.


I'm sorry, nell, really.


But a big publishing house like mcdillon & loud


Wouldn't have sent you a manuscript to read


If they weren't impressed with your interview.


Well, i-it wasn't exactly an interview.


It was more like an informal meeting.


You see, I was sitting across from this man at lunch,


And I was admiring his liver.


Nell...


It was sautéed, and it was the last piece.


Anyway, he said that he was an editor at mcdillon & loud,


And I casually mentioned


That I was going to be needing work


Now that I was back in the states


After all those years as a [mumbles]


A [mumbles]


A foreign correspondent in tibet!


You know, I don't tell you everything.


Aw, come on, addy. Come on.


So what? I'll start off as a reader, but who knows?


One day, I could be an editor.


Oh, no!


Oh, yeah.


Nell, this is an eviction notice!


We got to be out of here in days!


They can't do that!


I just changed all the light bulbs in this place!


I just ordered stationary with this address!


I just found the key to my mailbox!


Addy, please, just calm down, calm down, calm down.


Don't get hysterical. I will take care of everything.


No, nell, you can't do that.


You've got the job to worry about.


You just concentrate on your synopsis.


I'll go out and start looking for another apartment.


No, addy, don't do that.


Why not?


You found this place.


♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


I get any phone calls?


No. Where have you been?


Out.


Well, what have you been doing?


Nothing.


But you can die from the heat.


Yeah, this is what new yorkers call an indian summer.


You know, one of the indians sold it to them for $.


Can I get you some iced tea?


No, yours is just fine...


But it's kind of on the sweet side.


Sorry.


Are you sure I didn't get any phone calls?



The publishing house just got your synopsis yesterday,


And as good as it was, these things take time.


Yeah, you're right.


But, come on. We got to look for that apartment, girl.


Sweet mrs. Martin will be down


To watch the boys in a few minutes.


Need some help? No, I got it.


Look, I've circled some rentals that look interesting.


I want you to check them for me -- all these.


All these places are in long island.


I don't want live in long island.


What's wrong with long island?


It's not new york city. I want to live in manhattan.


Nell, long island is very close to manhattan.


Addy, your cheeks are very close to your lips,


But when it comes to getting kissed,


There's no doubt where the action is.


Will you forget the city, nell? You're being foolish.


Addy, we have a chance for a new and exciting life.


Of course apartments are gonna cost more in manhattan,


But they're worth it.


I mean, just look here. Look here.


Look at all the extras you get.


Here's one that has a "fur pool."


What's a "fur pool?"


An abbreviation -- f-r-p-l -- "fireplace."


I knew that.


[ Sighs ]


Okay, well, here's another one. It's in manhattan.


It has "brs,"


One "fur pool," and a "mod kitch."


And look at the price!


But, in long island, two "fur pools,"


Three "brs," great "loc," immediate "oc."


Aha!


Here.


Oh, yeah. We can afford this one.


It's in greenwich village, and it sounds wonderful.


And when I get that job, we'll be able to afford the rent.


What's it say?


It's in english. "Apartment for rent -- big."


Oh, nell, we haven't even seen the apartment.


We may not like it.


Addy, will you just learn to trust me?


Just shut up, okay?


Listen, it's a fantastic neighborhood.


Within three blocks, we got restaurants,


We got a deli, we got laundries, we got a park,


And, addy, there are places


That I can buy some shoes.


I knew it!


Just shut up. Oh, addy, look!


Honey, we can get bargains right here on the street.


Nell, that is just a bunch of junk jewelry,


And it's probably all stolen.


A bargain's a bargain, addy.


Hi.


Oh, how much is this necklace?


You got a sharp eye, lady.


That's my finest piece -- karats.


Solid gold.


For you, bucks.


I don't think -- just shut up and trust me.


I'll give you bucks.


Sold.


Did you see how I brought him to his knees?


You didn't --


Addy, one more word out of you,


And I'm gonna snatch your tongue out of your mouth.


Ahh!


Addy, this is it! This is it!


Is this a gorgeous building or what?


[ Laughs ]


Oh, addy, this is the best apartment building


In the whole neighborhood!


And, look --


Right downstairs, we got us a spanish restaurant.


You ladies are very lucky indeed.


You know, this apartment is one of a kind.


Why don't you two go on in and look around a bit?


And I will be right back.


Go on, just...trust me.


♪ Our house


♪ Is a very, very, very fine house ♪


♪ Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta ♪


♪ Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta ♪


♪ Our house


Well, isn't this just perfect for us?


I mean, don't you just love it?


I hate it.


What?


I hate it.


Nell, it's -- it's dirty and it's old.


I mean, there must be hundreds of other apartments


That are better than this in manhattan.


Yeah, but...


We don't have a lease on any of them.


Well, we don't have a lease on this place, either.


[ Hums ]


What?



That's what I was doing today.


See, I met the landlady, and I signed a lease.


This is ours!


You signed a lease without talking to me about it first?!


Yeah. I knew you'd love it.


Well, you're wrong!


I don't love it! I hate it!


Come on, you don't mean that.


I do mean it!


Nell, you know, you never think of anyone but yourself?


I mean, you'll never change.


I wish I had never asked you to move to new york.


I can't believe you signed a lease without my consent.


I mean, you don't have any money.


You don't even have a job.


Who did you put down as a credit reference -- me?


I don't need you...


As a credit reference.


I don't need you for anything.


Ha!


I haven't needed you...


For anything in over three years --


Ever since you loaned me


That old ugly evening bag of yours


Where the beads kept dropping off into the onion dip


That my date swallowed whole!


And another thing, you ol' pea-brained girl,


If you had any imagination at all,


You would see this place could be great for us!


You know what?


I take back what I said


About you being the dullest black person in the world.


No.


You are the dullest person of any color!


Now get out of my apartment!


Don't you walk out of my apartment


When I am screaming at you!


Come back here! I'm not through!


Don't you dare close this cab up in my face!


And don't you do me no favors! I'll pay for my own cab!


I got the cab!


My goodness, you can tie your shoe all by yourself,


And you're only !


I could tie mine when I was .


Oh, how nice.


You've only been here a few weeks,


And already you've learned how to come home like a new yorker.


Well, the boys and I were just going for a little walk.


Mrs. Martin, hold it!


Were there any phone calls for me?


There was one phone call,


And little matthew answered the phone.


Oh, matthew, come here, quick. Who was the call for?


You.


Well, who was it?


Some lady.


Well, was she from mcdillon & loud?


I mean, did she leave a message?


Did she leave a number?


I'm only .


You may never see .


Come on, boys.


Addynell, we have to talk.


Addy...


I would rather kiss a dog on the mouth than talk to you.


Don't make me the bad guy.


You're the one who was dishonest with me!


I wasn't dishonest! I was being thoughtful!


Because you had been so nice to me and my boys,


I thought I would be nice to you


And try to help you find an apartment


So you won't have to live here in this ol' roach motel!


I was being thoughtful, but you know what, addy?


It's just like you


Not to appreciate all the wonderful things


I try to do for you.


Oh, please, nell!


I don't know how we ever became friends.


Oh, I'll tell you how we became friends.


Because when we were little girls,


I was the only one


That took pity on that tall, skinny, ugly little girl


With no personality.


Oh, really?


Oh, yeah.


Well, did it ever occur to you


That I was the only one


Who took pity on the short, fat girl with the big mouth?!


Okay, addy.


I think we have said everything two people can say


To break up a friendship.


And you do want to break up this friendship, don't you?


I said you want to break up this friendship, don't you?!


No.


Well...


If skinny is willing...


...it's all right with bubba.


All right, skinny's in.


Uh, nell, look. We still have to talk.


I mean, being friends is one thing,



But being roommates is entirely different.


Now, if we're gonna live together --


I know what you're going to say.


If we're gonna live with each other,


We have to be completely honest with each other.


We have to tell everything about ourselves.


No matter how personal.


You go first.


Why?


Because you always go first.


Oh.


Well...


Oh.


Apparently I sometimes get up in the middle of the night


And take my pillow somewhere,


And then I go back to bed.


Now, I never remember doing it,


But sometimes when I wake up in the morning,


My pillow is gone.


Then later on I find it.


You know, sometimes it's in the living room


Or in the hall or in my car.


Once I found it in the oven.


You know, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.


But, nell, you said --


That was before I knew you were a wacko.


A wacko?


That's just a, you know, a term used in psychology.


No, go ahead. Go on.


Well, let's see. What else?


[ Gasps ]


I talk to mechanical things.


You know, like coffeepots and blenders and crockpots.


You know, stuff like that.


Well, maybe it's because you're lonely.


No!


It's because mechanical things don't like me.


They're all against me.


Well, do you think they're the ones taking your pillows?


Nell, if I talk to something and give it a personality,


It just makes it easier for me to deal with.


I mean, everyone is not mechanically inclined.


You know.


So, uh...


What odd little quirks do you have?


None.


Come on!


I can't help it, addy.


I just happen to be a perfect person to live with.


I'm not some kind of wacko


Who walks around talking to mr. Toaster.


I'm sorry.


You know what?


I wouldn't live with you for all the money in the world,


Which you don't have, 'cause you don't even have a job!


There you go with the job again!


You know, addy, that's beneath you, and you are a worm!


[ Telephone ringing ]


You know, I don't know how I ever asked you to live with me.


I don't even like you! You don't like me?


Honey, I can't wait to get out of your life.


I can't wait to get out of your apartment.


Can't wait to get away from you!


Hello! Yeah, this is nell harper.


What's it to you?


Mr. Richards?


Monday.


Monday at :.


[ Sighs ]


Thank you.


[ Receiver clicks ]


[ Sniffles ]


You got the job.


I'm gonna be a reader.


You have a career.


[ Voice trembling ] somebody really wants me.


I'm not surprised.


I knew you could get the job.


You're not surprised?


No.


You're the best.


Oh, no, no.


You're the best...


...roommate.


You know, you're a pain...


But I love you.


I love you, too.


[ Sniffles ]


I tell you, girl, a little paint, and this will look like a new place.


Oh, yeah. We got to do it in bright colors.


I guess I can put up with anything for a year.


Three?


You signed a lease for three years?


With an option to buy.


Oh!


This is ours!


[ Doorbell rings ]


Our first guest.


Okay, you go answer the door.


No, you get the door.



This is your place.


No, you go.


All right, all right, all right.


But you answer the first phone call, okay?


Oh, addy!


This has to be the luckiest day of my life.


Hello, nell.


I begged you to answer the door.


Hi, mama maybelle.


Gonna have to get that spring fixed on this door.


Uh-huh.


Hello, nell.


[ Door closes ]


What are you doing in a dump like this?


Mama, how did you find me?


I called your apartment,


And a sweet lady gave me this address.


[ Chuckles ]


Leave it to you


To find a place like this in a slum neighborhood.


Mama, this is not a slum.


Will you tell this lady it's not a slum?


Mama maybelle, nell is right.


You know, this neighborhood is full of artists.


Uh-huh. I just saw one of them sleeping on your doorstep.


Mama, why aren't you in alabama?


Oh, your brother-in-law got a job as a tv weatherman


Here in new york.


They moved, and I moved with them.


Did she just say she moved with loretta?


Mm-hmm.


And they moved to new york? Did she just say that?


On the happiest day of my life?


Mm-hmm.


And I'm only minutes away on the subway.


Did she just say she's just minutes away?


Did she just say that?


You know, turning this place into something livable


Will be a challenge.


But, with a little work, we can do it.


Did she say "we"?


Oh, yes.


I think green will be nice in the living room.


I find green a very soothing color.


Uh-oh!


[ Groans ]


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break
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