♪ Down in louisiana
♪ Down in orleans
♪ Back up in the woods among the evergreens ♪
( ♪ There stood a log cab¿
♪ Lived a country boy named johnny b. Goode ♪
[ Doorbell rings ] ♪ he never, ever learned to read or write so well ♪
♪ But he could play a guitar like ringing a bell ♪
♪ Go, go
♪ Go, johnny, go, go
Can't you open the door?
[ Telephone ringing ]
Addy, get the phone, honey.
♪ Go, johnny, go, go
Addy, get the phone! ♪ Go, johnny, go, go
Would you please get --
♪ Johnny b. Goode
♪ He carried his guitar in a gunny sack ♪
Hello?!
Could you speak up? I can't hear you.
One minute.
Keep it down!
Uh, could you just hold on one minute, please?
I'll be right back.
Okay. Hold on.
♪ Go, go
♪ Go, johnny, go, go
Take the kids and go make a video. Now, move.
Get out of here quick.
Hello?
I'm sorry. I didn't hear you.
Who did you say was calling?
Earl wagner?
I don't know earl wagner.
Yes, this is nell harper.
Yeah.
Yeah, I went to john c. Calhoun high school.
Uh, honey, um, how did you get my number?
This is great. Your mama gave him my number.
Oh, well, you certainly went through a lot of trouble
To find me, didn't you?
Yeah?
Could you hold on one minute?
Do you remember earl wagner?
No.
He says he went to high school with us.
Quick, get a high-school yearbook.
Okay. Okay.
I'm sorry. That was the mailman at the door.
I tell you, honey, right off the top of my head,
I don't remember you from calhoun high.
I got it.
You were my what?
Baby, hold on a minute.
Quick. Look up earl wagner.
He says he was my secret admirer in high school.
♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪
♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪
♪ Ready for anything
♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪
♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪
♪ O-o-o-oh
♪ Gimme a break
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break
♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪
♪ Gimme a break
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break
♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪
♪ Gimme a break!
Secret admirer? I didn't know they had pay phones at the funny farm.
Just look it up. Come on. Quick.
Well, now, this could be earl...i think.
How can you tell? You can't see but half of him.
t*nk banks is covering him all up.
t*nk banks is covering up half the class.
I'm sorry.
That was a delivery man from bloomie's.
Oh, yeah, they were having a shoe sale.
You remember that?
Honey, I still love shoes.
You certainly know a lot about me, don't you?
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Well, tell me something about yourself, earl.
Oh, you're seeing a psychiatrist?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Mmm! Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Nell, what?
Nell!
What did he say? What? What?
Could you hold on one minute?
The timer just went off on my duck.
Girl, this guy has a serious problem.
What?
He says he has not been able
To have a successful relationship with a woman
Because he's been fantasizing about me all these years.
Let me get this straight.
This man has been fantasizing about you since high school?
Yeah. It even broke up his marriage.
Did he tell you that? Yeah.
Honey, that man is in new york for a convention.
He's staying at the hilton,
But he's looking for bed and breakfast.
He says that his psychiatrist says
That he cannot go through life being in love
With the memory of a -year-old girl,
No matter how vivacious, intelligent, and beautiful
She was and still is.
What's that got to do with you?
Get out of my face. Just move.
I'm sorry, honey.
You know, that duck got stuck in the oven.
Oh, it's a -pound duck. Yes.
Sure. Why don't I meet you tonight?
Why don't I meet you down at el gazpacho?
It's on the corner of bleecker and waverly, okay?
I can meet you at :.
Sure, darling, I can freeze that duck.
Yeah. Okay. Bye-bye.
Nell! I don't believe you.
You're not gonna meet with this guy tonight, are you?
Addy, the guy needs my help, okay?
I don't know who's crazier -- you or him.
He's not crazy!
He's on his way to venezuela.
He's in the oil business, and everybody knows
There are no crazies in the oil business.
Nell, have you ever taken a hard look at those clowns
Coming out of an opec meeting?
I'm sorry, but I'm going to meet him down at el gazpacho.
Nell, that's a bad idea.
I'm gonna be perfectly safe.
Come on, addy, I have to. I owe it to the guy.
I have ruined years of his life.
Lord only knows how many other wrecks I've left out there.
Listen, can you babysit for me?
I can't. [ Doorbell rings ]
I have a staff meeting tonight at the dean's house.
Well, call in sick.
I'm not sick.
Well, then, call in skinny.
Hi.
I'm your upstairs neighbor -- mary margaret.
You're nell harper, b?
Maggie, b.
All right, honey, out with it. What are you selling?
Nothing.
Your time magazine was delivered to my apartment my mistake.
Oh, I'm sorry. Maggie, right?
Please come in. I'm sorry.
It's so good to know that I have such a nice neighbor.
I had strict parents.
Maggie, this magazine is a week old.
Yeah.
It took you a week to bring this down to me, right?
I'm a slow reader.
Your parents weren't strict enough, darling.
[ Roaring ]
[ Screaming ]
Ohh! Monsters!
Whose kids?
Two of them are mine.
One is visiting from tokyo.
Guys, say hello to our new neighbor.
Hi. Maggie.
Hi, maggie. Hi, maggie.
[ Deep voice ] hi, maggie!
That's cute. I like your friend there.
Reminds me of this nun I used to have in catholic school.
Guys, why don't you go back to never never land?
[ Normal voice ] hey, matthew,
Let's hang this thing out of our window
And see if mrs. Jacoby upstairs has a heart att*ck!
No!
Cute kids. Yeah.
Yeah, I love kids.
Oh, yeah? Do you have any of your own?
No, I'm a dental hygienist. I work days.
My husband's a cabbie. He works nights.
Conception is out of the question,
If you know what I mean.
Why don't you hire the cab and go to the beach
And, you know, keep the meter running,
If you know what I mean.
We tried that once.
He ran out of gas, if you know what I mean.
You know what, maggie?
Hmm?
I like you. Oh, yeah?
But it breaks my heart to see such a nice lady
With such a strong maternal instinct
Not having her own children.
Yeah. Tell it to my husband.
Yeah.
You know, I like you so much.
You do? Yes.
You can come down here and play with my children
Any time that you want.
That's real nice of you.
How about tonight?
Tonight?
Well, see, I'm meeting this guy
Who was my secret admirer in high school,
And he's been fantasizing about me for over years.
Anyway, his psychiatrist told him that he should meet me
So I can help him resolve his problems.
You're horny, aren't you?
Uh, no, I just -- I just, uh...
I just, uh...
I just, uh... I just want to help him.
Uh-huh. How's
You'll do it? Yeah, I'll do it.
Thank you! You're welcome.
Stop by anytime.
Oh, by the way, here.
What's this?
I told you -- I'm a dental hygienist.
It's a toothbrush in case you get lucky,
If you know what I mean.
Ah, bienvenida, señorita. I am esteban. Welcome to my humble restaurant.
A day without a beautiful woman --
Would you please just cut out the phony accent?
I really need a table.
I need the practice.
Come on. Please.
Sit down with me. I need to talk to you.
Listen, marty, I'm meeting a guy here tonight
That I don't really know,
And I was wondering if you could be my chaperone.
Is this your coy, little way of asking me to pick up the tab?
No, no, you don't understand.
You see, the guy I'm meeting,
Well, he was my secret admirer in high school
And he's been having fantasies about me for over years.
Anyway, his psychiatrist told him he should meet me tonight
So that I can help him resolve his problems.
Have you thought about going to another restaurant?
Come on. Doesn't anyone understand a cry for help?
Excuse me.
Ah, bienvenidos, amigos.
Welcome to my humble restaurant. I am esteban.
Your presence here makes my heart sing.
♪ La cucaracha
♪ La cucaracha
It's just a joke. It's not real.
Señorita. Señor, please sit down.
Now, what you don't understand
I will translate for you, okay?
Now, bueno apetito.
That is in spanish for -- silly me.
That is french.
No, no, that is spanish for bon appétit.
There. Isn't it simple?
Um, you know,
We have your favorite, favorite special tonight.
You're going to love it.
Will you calm down? This is gonna work perfect.
Do you eat here often?
Oh, yes. Food's wonderful.
What did you order?
Well, I didn't order yet. My date's not here yet.
You see, I'm meeting this guy
Who was my secret admirer in high school,
And he's been fantasizing about me for over years.
Anyway, his psychiatrist told him
That he should meet me tonight
So I can help him resolve his problem.
Otherwise he'll never be able
To have a successful relationship --
With a woman, that is --
And I've already broken up his marriage.
What happened to my customers?
Beats me.
This is for you. Come on. Take it at the desk.
Oh, I hope the boys are not hanging her out of the window.
Hello?
Earl.
Where are you?
What do you mean, you lost your nerve?
Earl, you better get to this restaurant,
Or I'm gonna call your psychiatrist on you.
Where are you?
You're in a phone booth around the corner?
Nell, you're tying up a line.
Will you take the call in my office? Come on.
I'm gonna switch phones, okay? Just hold on, okay?
Thanks. Thank you.
Ah, bienvenida, señorita.
I am esteban. Welcome to el gazpacho.
[ Speaking spanish quickly ]
Sí.
But, you know, I think it's much --
How do you say -- better if we talk in english
Because I'm trying to understand
This local language, you know?
This way.
We can talk on the phone.
I just want to help you, all right?
Sure.
What do I look like?
Well, um, let me put it this way.
The other day I ran into stella kimble.
You know, I hadn't seen her since high school.
And stella said,
"Girl, when are you gonna start looking older?"
Yes, she did, yeah.
Incidentally, stella looks awful.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
You know, this is so silly.
Why don't you just come around the corner?
Well, okay, we'll talk on the phone.
I just wish that I could remember something about you.
I mean, I must have talked to you sometimes,
Like in the hallway or in the study hall.
I know we weren't supposed to talk in the study hall,
But that's all I ever did, baby.
I sure didn't study. Mnh-mnh.
You wrote me a note?
Yeah?
Secret admirer? I don't remem--
Wait a minute.
Did it say something like,
"You're fantastic, and I love you,"
And it was signed, "your secret admirer"?
Yeah, I remember something like that.
You wrote that?
Why didn't you say something? Of course I remember.
I remember because I was in the cafeteria,
And I was in the line.
And I looked down, and there was this note
In my shredded carrot and raisin salad.
So I read it out loud, and then I announced to everyone
That I was going to hug my secret admirer.
And then I went around,
And I hugged every guy in that cafeteria.
The football team, I hugged twice.
Boy, did I get some laughs that day.
I hugged you?
Then why didn't you say something?
Oh, no, no, no, earl.
No, you --
I wasn't making fun of the note.
Hey, I would never hurt you.
I would never deliberately hurt anybody.
You know what, earl?
It looks like for the past years,
I've owed you an apology, right?
I tell you what.
Why don't you come around the corner, okay,
And then I can apologize to your f--
All right, earl, fine. Fine.
Hey, we can talk on the phone.
Do I still sing?
Well...when I have something to sing about.
[ Chuckles ] yeah.
You remember that?
Get out. You really remember that?
Well, I know I had a spectacular voice, honey,
But I cannot believe that you remember the song
I sang on memorial day with the glee club.
No, earl, I would -- I would feel silly.
I don't want to sing that on the phone, no, earl.
I tell you what.
If you come around here, I'll sing it --
All right, earl, all right.
♪ O beautiful
♪ For spacious skies
♪ For amber waves of grain ♪
♪ For purple
♪ Mountain majesties ♪ mountain majesties
I love a patriot, all right?
I'm sorry, earl, i-i-i forgot the rest of the words.
Yeah.
Yes, I was blessed with a good voice.
It got me invited to join the glee club, didn't it?
It also got me invited to a lot of barbecues,
But that was so I could do my diana ross imitation.
No, earl, I'm not singing "baby love" to you
Over this phone.
Earl, come on. That would be silly.
But you know what?
If you had joined the glee club, you would've met me.
What you mean you black and you can't sing?
You can't dance, either?
Baby, you better check your roots.
Yeah, yeah, I still like to make people laugh.
Yeah.
Earl, listen, are you gonna keep
Dropping quarters into that phone?
I mean, it would be much cheaper
If you just came around the corner and bought me dinner.
I mean, what happened, anyway?
Were you afraid that I won't look the same
As I did when I was ?
Well, you're right, earl, I don't.
I look much better, earl.
You know what? I don't need this rejection.
I didn't need this rejection years ago,
And I don't need it now.
You would think that after all this time,
I would learn not to open myself up like this.
Earl, the reason I didn't want to meet my secret admirer...
...is because I knew
That I probably wouldn't come up to his expectations.
I never came up to anybody's expectations --
Not my daddy's, and lord knows not my mama's.
So I sang, and I told jokes,
And I was popular.
That way, I was safe.
Yeah, I guess I did make fun of my secret admirer.
That way he would never find me out.
But the reason I really wanted to see you tonight
Was to find out if you really cared
About that -year-old girl that you thought was so popular,
That everybody thought was so popular.
But if you had bothered to call,
If anybody had bothered calling,
They would've found out I was at home.
I was at home an awful lot.
You want to know something?
I was at home tonight, too.
Earl, I'm sorry.
[ Sighs ]
I remember the note.
I never forgot the note.
It was a beautiful note.
[ Sniffs ]
And I want to thank you, okay?
I want to thank you for then, and I want to thank you now,
Because I feel great about myself.
And you know what?
I'm just really sorry
That you didn't come around the corner to see me
Because you're missing out on one terrific woman.
I just realized I have everything
Any woman could possibly want.
I have two kids.
I have a job.
I have a friend, earl.
Hello?
[ Sighs ]
[ Clears throat ]
Hey, nell?
Yeah? How'd it go?
Oh, it was a wrong number.
I, uh... I know the feeling.
Hey. Hey, nell.
Why don't you stick around
And have a terrific dinner on the house?
Come on. Come on.
[ Chuckles ] okay.
Señorita.
Okay.
Nell?
Earl?
♪ Gimme a break
♪ Gimme a break
♪ Gimme a break