06x21 - Parents' Week

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


[ Snoring ]


Stop, don't touch me.


[ Door opens ] just go into linda's room.


We'll work it out when we're married.


[ Door shuts ] [ indistinct arguing ]


Don't worry about it. We're all here to help you.


Okay, now, does anybody know anything at all


About the peloponnesian w*r?


Are you kidding? I'm still hung up on the punic wars.


Excuse me.


Is anybody hung up on the fact that it's in the morning?


Nice clock.


We're studying, nell.


You're studying at in the morning?!


We never get started till after "letterman."


All right. Where's samantha?


Where is samantha? She was here.


So, we both went to bed at the same time.


I wanted to talk about eric, but she said no.


She wanted to go to sleep. Now she ain't here.


I know -- she slipped something in my coffee.


She's outside in the hall with eric.


I'm gonna have your mom teach me how to bake an apple pie.


[ Door shuts ]


I love your earlobes. They're so delicate.


That's the first thing I noticed about you in class.


Oh, really?


Uh, samantha. [ Clears throat ]


Uh, eric.


You know, they say that girls with delicate earlobes


Have big...vocabularies.


Do you know, if someone doesn't say hello to me soon,


You're going to hear how big my vocabulary is?


Hi, nell. Hi, nell.


Um, eric.


Eric.


Um, you know, I've been trying to think of a way


To keep you in school.


Now, your parents' farm...


Just how far in the hole are they?


Well, dad had to sell off acres last month


And we owe the bank months on the mortgage


And they just repossessed our baling machine.


Not the baling machine, too?


[ Groans ]


Maybe willie nelson can do another benefit.


Well, now that we're all awake and all,


Why don't we go over here and have a drink?


A little diet coke or something.


Always think better when I think that I'm losing weight.


Nell, we already discussed all of this.


Eric has to move back to south dakota.


Yeah, and it'll give me a chance to start my new novel.


Yeah, honey, but you'll be a much better writer


After you finish school.


Dropping out of school is not the right thing to do.


I mean, I know -- I did,


And I've been regretting it ever since.


Nell, college isn't that important for a writer.


You're wrong. It is important.


Tell you what, I'll loan you the money, okay?


Nell, you can't afford that.


You still have matthew and joey to take care of.


Good point.


I'll sell one of the kids.


Nell.


Okay, I'll sell them both!


Nell, you're talking crazy.


Of course I'm talking crazy. I am crazy.


But dropping out of school, getting married,


And moving to south dakota is crazier!


Nell, I know you mean well,


But samantha and I are moving back to the farm.


I'll spend all day writing while she -- I don't know --


Maybe gets a part-time job in town.


And, well, then she'll come home and do the usual farm chores


Like feeding the chickens and slopping the pigs.


Doesn't he make it sound wonderful, nell?


Mm-hmm, especially the pigs.


I'll walk you to your room.


Hi, nell. Hi, keith.


Oh, keith.


Want a soda?


Yeah.


Oh, good. I'll get you one.



Thanks.


So, I see you couldn't sleep, either, huh?


No. I'm disgusted with myself.


Oh, honey, come on. What's wrong?


I didn't have the nerve to tell my father


That I want to go into fashion design instead of teaching.


I thought we've already been through this.


I even told you what to tell the man.


I know, and we were sitting in the restaurant


And I was ready to tell him


And the waiter put the duck down


And I chickened out.


Okay, let's just forget it tonight, okay?


Tomorrow, you go to your father.


You do it. You just do it.


You're right.


I'll just do it.


That's it. I'm gonna do it.


I'll just -- I'll just do it.


That's it. I'll do it.


I'm just gonna do it.


Here, you might need this.


Oh, are you leaving so soon?


We're going to another study group down the hall.


They got beer.


I'm never gonna pass this calculus test!


I've got basketball practice in the morning!


It's almost a.m.! I can't!


I can't keep this schedule up anymore!


I just can't! I can't! I can't! I can't! I can't!


Judy, stop it!


Jane pauley is already on her way to work, and she has twins.


Judy, you should really take the pressure off yourself.


Why don't you just drop out of rotc?


I can't. It's my life.


I want to be in the army.


I want to be all that I can be.


Then be all that you can be in your own room.


I have my own problems.


You don't understand, though.


I happen to be good at basketball --


Just not my life.


Look, if basketball is lousing up your life, quit!


I can't quit. I can't let the team down.


We're playing west triangle state teachers' college.


They're our traditional rival.


It's the big game!


The big game?


The big game? Will you grow up?


That only happens in molly ringwald movies.


This is reality here!


What do you advise, nell?


What is this?


Am I the only guru in new jersey?


Take rotc. It's a career.


It's what you want.


Will you do that for me?


Yes, nell.


Tomorrow, I'm gonna quit the team.


Good. Now get out.


Thanks, nell.


You're the nicest civilian I ever met.


Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy! Why me?!


You done made me perfect again!


Why am I so good at solving


Everybody else's personal problems but my own?


Why? Why? Why? Why?


Are you all right?


No, but I'm glad you asked


'Cause I was gonna tell you anyway.


I got to find a way to keep eric in school.


Well, maybe I can help you.


Yeah?


How can I get him a scholarship?


Well, the one person on the scholarship committee


With the most clout is professor dudley.


Who?


Professor dudley.


That man hates my guts.


That's true.


I'm sorry, nell. Good luck.


I-i got to finish this chapter.


Well, if I'm gonna get eric a scholarship in writing,


I better find out if he can write.


Ooh.


It's kind of long.


[ Sighs ]


"The hayloft."


Hmph.


Okay.


"Crystal valley was a small farm town


With chickens, cows, hate, and lust."


Hmm... Chickens and lust.


Let's see.


Judy, how could you do this to me?


Let me handle this, coach.


Judy, judy, judy.


You simply can't quit the basketball team


On the eve of the big game.


Where's your team spirit?



Let me tell you about team spirit.


I was on the oxford cricket team,


And I would have d*ed out there on that cricket field


Before I'd quit.


I remember once, in the all-england championships,


We played for / days in a fog so thick,


We didn't know we were playing the wrong team.


Now, that's team spirit.


Aw, there, there, coach.


Excuse me, professor. Can I speak to you?


Not just now, miss harper.


This young lady is about to tear down littlefield college


Brick by brick.


All I did was quit the basketball team --


Just like you told me to, nell!


Excuse me, I've got to get to class.


"Like you told me to, nell."


Yeah, she wants to make a career out of the army.


"Like you told me to, nell."


All I did was give her a little moral support.


"Like you told me to, nell"?


While you're giving her moral support,


You're tearing the heart out of coach henderson.


[ Sobs ]


Oh, I'm sorry.


Sorry?!


This is a broken man.


He's lost his spirit, his determination,


And his parking space in front of the gym.


Now I have to park in a compact space!


He had to sell his cadillac this morning.


Oh, listen, coach henderson.


It's obvious that you're suffering from stress.


You know, to clear your head,


Why don't you just take a spin in your new car?


New? It's a ' pinto!


Now look what you've done.


What is your next project, miss harper --


Happy hour in the cafeteria?


You know, i-i-i came to see you.


I wanted to see about getting a scholarship


For eric schlossheimer.


He is a terrific writer.


A scholarship?


Miss harper, eric schlossheimer writes trash --


Trash, as in garbage,


Clichéd pulp that doesn't belong


In an institution of higher learning.


I wouldn't recommend eric schlossheimer


For a scholarship to a school of herring.


Come on.


Before you make up your mind --


I've made up my mind.


But look, he really wrote a good book.


This morning I sent it off to my publisher in new york.


You just got to trust me on this.


Why? Why? Why?


Why, miss harper, would I trust you?


You called the textbook I wrote dull and boring.


You've made a shambles of every class you've attended.


You called me "honey babe" in front of the dean.


And now you've talked our number-one basketball star


Into quitting the team.


What further atrocities could you possibly commit against me?


Have you got a minute? We've got to talk.


Not now. Dad, we've got to talk.


Dad? Not now, son.


Son?


Dad, I know that there has been generations of teachers


In our family, but I'm going into fashion design


Like nell told me to!


[ Groans ]


"Like nell told me to"?


"Like nell told me to"?


Miss harper, don't you run away from me.


Wait, professor, I did not know keith was your son.


First of all, he doesn't talk like you,


And he doesn't look like you.


And he doesn't have the personality of a doberman pinscher.


Miss harper.


Miss harper, my son does not talk like me


Because his mother, mona, is an american --


Which is the second reason I divorced her.


The first reason is she has a mouth as big as yours.


Professor, I had to help keith.


He's afraid of you.


Good, I want him afraid of me,


And I want you afraid of me.


And I wish the hell mona had been afraid of me.


Mona must have had the guts of a burglar if she married you!


Miss harper, please, I want you to go to my son


And tell him that when you advised him


To give up a career in teaching,


You were not in your right mind --


Which is, of course, the truth.


No can do.


Miss harper, he can't give up the noble profession of teaching


To become a f-f-f-fashion designer.


[ Telephone rings ]


Hello?



Oh, hello, mr. Mcdillon.


You did?


You do?!


You -- i-i should? Yes.


I will! I will, I will, I will.


Thank you. Bye, mr. Mcdillon.


That's my boss at the publishing company.


He loves the manuscript, and he's gonna publish eric's novel!


He and samantha won't have to drop out of school!


I got to go tell samantha!


Just a minute, miss harper. What?


You mean to tell me that they're going to publish


That -year-old hack's novel


After turning down six of my novels?


I don't recall any novels written by you.


I write under a pen name.


Professor dudley, you wouldn't happen to be agatha furdley?


Yes, I am agatha furdley and proud of it.


Now, are you going to help me with my son or not?


No.


Well, then, in that case, you have exactly minutes


To remove yourself from this campus,


Or I shall have you thrown off.


Ha!


Minutes and seconds, and counting!


Ha!


Got to tell samantha.


Minutes and seconds.


I've got a swiss watch, miss harper, and it is ticking!


Listen, have you seen eric or samantha?


Unh-unh, I haven't seen samantha,


But I just saw eric getting an orange soda.


Thanks, baby.


Eric, eric, eric, eric, listen.


Samantha gave me your manuscript,


And I liked it so much that I sent it to my publisher.


They liked it so much, they are gonna publish your novel!


What?


It's the truth!


I can't believe it.


This is what I've been waiting for.


They're gonna give you a $, advance,


And they want to negotiate the paperback rights with you!


A dream come true --


I'm an author.


I wrote it for dustin, you know?


Dustin? Hoffman.


Oh, yeah. I saw him on every page.


Will you give me a hug? Come on!


Come on, let's go tell sam!


Sam?


You know -- samantha.


The girl with the delicate earlobes.


Oh...


Yeah.


Well, why don't you go tell samantha?


No. You should tell her.


But, nellie, I got things to do.


I got a few phone calls to make.


I got to find a place to live, get a good press agent.


Aw, but she'd be glad to help you do all that.


Well, actually, nell, you know,


With my career taking off like this,


I'd feel guilty having her drop out of school


And move to hollywood.


Hollywood?


Oh, sure, I'll probably get a picture deal out of this.


"The godfather" was a book first,


And, well, mine's certainly better than that.


Ah, I see.


So you have this whole thing planned out, don't you?


So, what color mercedes are you going to get?


Red.


The sl classic's real nice.


What about samantha?


Well, I'll call her as soon as I get settled.


Of course, she can come visit anytime she likes.


And, uh, I'll write her a lot.


Tell her to save those letters.


They could be worth a lot of money someday.


You'll write me, too, huh?


Nell, I could never forget you.


Listen, without you, none of this would have ever happened.


"Like nell told me to."


[ Sighs ]


Excuse me, honey.


Why do you always sit down there on the floor?


Short skirts are coming back.


Hi, baby.


Hi, nell.


Um...


Can we talk?


Yeah, sure.


Why don't you sit down, let me rub your back?


Sam, did you ever see the movie "the way we were"?


Oh, yeah.


I loved that movie...


Up until the part where robert redford sold his book.


And, well, then he had to move to hollywood


To write the screenplay.



Then he dumped barbra streisand.


Then I cried my eyes out.


Well, I didn't.


I didn't think it was all that sad.


Nah, it never would have worked out between the two of them.


Really?


Sam, you know that manuscript -- eric's?


Well, i-i sent it to my publisher,


And they're going to publish it.


What?! Yeah.


They're gonna give him a $, advance.


Nell, oh, you're kidding! Oh, I can't believe it!


Eric's book is getting published!


And all because of you!


Oh, this is the best wedding present


You could have ever given me!


No.


A waffle iron would have been better.


Wow.


Now, that eric's book is sold, we can both stay in school.


No.


Eric is moving to hollywood.


Hollywood?! Hollywood!


Oh, that's great! That's great!


I'm gonna transfer to ucla!


No.


Eric is moving to hollywood...


Alone.


Alone?


Just like robert redford.


He dumped me.


Sam, I'm sorry.


But all eric is interested in is his red mercedes.


He told me he wanted a volvo station wagon.


Time's up, miss harper.


You are history, honey babe.


Miss harper, come with us, please.


Oh, come on! Wait!


Come on with us.


You can't really throw me off the campus!


You can't do this!


You know, I'll be back!


Over my dead body.


That's just the way I want it!


Aah!


Hi, mom.


I want to thank you for sitting with the boys for me.


Samantha dropped something off for you,


But she had to rush off to school.


By the way, nell, you never did tell me


How things went with samantha's parents' week.


Well, nothing really happened.


For one thing, I didn't even want to go.


But, you know, poor samantha.


She just kept calling and calling


And begging and begging and crying and crying.


You know, but it was really quite boring.


It was dull, dull, dull.


Anyway, samantha wanted me to go to an english-lit class


With a professor -- what's his name?


Dudley, dudley.


Did I already tell you? No.


Well, anyway, you know what?


I fell asleep in his class


So we didn't get a chance to really talk.


Anyway, her and her friends,


They wanted me to help them run their lives.


But I don't like to get involved in people's lives.


Nell.


All right, mama, I'm lying, okay?


I did talk the star basketball player


Into quitting the team,


But they went on to win the state championship anyway.


And because of me, that little girl stayed in rotc,


And she's making a career out of the m*llitary --


Because of me, ma.


And the very next day, you know,


Gorbachev, when he proposed that m*ssile treaty --


That was me.


Yeah, and I talked the professor's son


Into becoming a fashion designer.


And you know what professor did?


He thanked me. Yes, he did.


And then he gave me a great, big old send-off.


Mm-hmm. It was a lovely send-off.


It's right here in the papers that samantha left for you.


Oh, come on, ma.


Haven't you ever heard of trick photography?


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break