06x25 - Mama's Date

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Gimme a Break!" Aired: October 29, 1981 – May 12, 1987.*
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Nell Harper is the no-nonsense housekeeper and surrogate mother for police chief Carl Kanisky's children: Samantha, Julie and Katie.
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06x25 - Mama's Date

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Ughhhh.


Nelladdy, come on. Close your mouth, baby.


Thermometer hasn't been in your mouth


For three minutes yet.


I just want you to relax


And don't worry about a thing.


I called your secretary,


And I told her you wouldn't be in.


And -- ooh, I called mama.


She's gonna bring over a vaporizer.


And the symphony -- don't worry about it.


I gave your tickets to that homeless guy


Sleeping in the lobby.


[ Stuffily ] what?!


Well, honey, he's studying the violin


So he can earn money in the subway.


Give me this.


Oh, no! .


Ohh.


Well, shostakovich is out now.


Oh.


I think I'm dying.


Addy, will you stop it?!


You're not going to die. Honey, you can't die.


Not before you leave everything to me in your will.


Come on, honey.


I just want you to lie back and relax.


Come on. Lie back here and relax.


Listen, I'm gonna be here


To protect you and take care, right?


I'm gonna be right outside that door.


I'm just gonna be guarding it just like a dragon.


And I'm not gonna let a soul in here to see you.


Besides, the way you're looking right now,


You wouldn't want a dead dog to see you anyway.


Oh, ooh! Look!


Look what I got! I thought of everything!


Whenever you need me, you just ring this thing.


[ Ringing ]


That's d-flat. That's my key.


Nell?


You're a wonderful friend, a great nurse.


Mm-hmm.


I'm freezing.


Oh, okay. Here, baby. Here, baby.


Now, you just stay warm, okay?


Thank you.


Get under there. Get warm.


There you go. Okay.


No, don't kiss me, all right?


Bye.


Bye, bye, bye.


Oh, hi, grandpa.


Oh, hello, nell. Do you have the boys' pajamas?


Yeah, I have their toothbrushes, too.


Hope my boys aren't being too much trouble.


No, no. They're no trouble at all, nell.


But I don't want to leave them alone in the apartment too long.


Earlier today, matthew learned how to spit.


Well, hopefully addy will be better tomorrow,


And the boys can come back home.


But if you need anything, you just call me.


I'm gonna be here all night.


Mommy's bringing over her vaporizer for addy.


Are you sure? Maybelle's got a date tonight.


Bye.


Bye-bye.


Maybelle has a date tonight?


I knew that would get ya.


What do you mean, "maybelle has a date tonight"?


My mama has a date tonight?


She has a date tonight.


That's not true, and I don't believe you.


It is true, and I don't care if you don't believe me.


Nell, after we'd been in the park,


Matthew and joey and I stopped by maybelle's to say hello,


And the guy came to visit.


"The guy" -- what guy?


Well, his name's ernie. Seems like a nice man.


You know, nell, when you get older,


You don't lose interest in the opposite sex.


Grandpa, I know my mama.


And she has never had any interest in the opposite sex.


Look, nell, we older people


All have the same parts we've always had.



[ Doorbell rings ]


Only they're a little lower now.


Oh, hi, maybelle.


Hello, stanley.


Oh, ma, won't you come on in?


I brought you the vaporizer.


How is addy feeling?


Oh, ma, she couldn't be doing better.


Just put that down. Won't you just sit down?


Would you like a cup of tea? No, thank you.


How about something to eat?


Now, out with it, nell!


Did the doctor tell you I'd be dead in hours?


Ma, what's wrong with a couple of girls sitting around,


Talking about their hopes, their dreams...


Their dates?


Uh-huh.


How did you find out?


Well, never you mind.


But why didn't you tell me?


I don't tell you everything I do.


Yes, you do, and so far, it ain't been that interesting.


Excuse me, I forgot the popcorn maker.


Oh, what is ernie doing standing out in the hall?


I didn't want nell to frighten him.


Well, hi, ernie. I'm nell.


Look, I don't know why mama


Made you stand out there in the hall.


It's not like I'm gonna bite you or anything.


Well, your mama said that you would.


Ernie.


Now, ernie, don't you keep her out too late tonight.


She said you kept her out till last saturday.


Well, we got to be going.


Uh, excuse me. Was that in the morning?


Listen, nell, nice to meet you.


But we're going over to this jazz club on bleecker


Because they get hot and they get dirty,


Don't they, maybelle?


Oh, ernie! [ Laughs ]


"Hot and dirty."


Well, speaking of hot and dirty,


I'd better get this vaporizer in to addy.


Why don't you two just sit down?


Don't run off. Okay? I'll be right back.


In the morning, huh?


Addy. Addy.


Addy!


[ Groans ]


Did I wake you?


Listen, mama has a date.


[ Groans ]


The man is sitting out there in the living room.


And they're talking about going to a place


That's hot and dirty.


My mama has never been to any place that's hot and dirty


Without a can of lysol.


Listen, girl, this is strange.


First of all, 'cause my mama was a minister's wife.


And her life has always been


As quiet as a church mouse.


[ Groans ]


You're so smart.


That's where she met him -- in church.


Oh, silly me.


You're the one with the fever, and I'm acting delirious.


I won't let anybody else bother you, okay?


Bye-bye.


Well, we'll be going now.


You've got your hands full with addy.


Oh, no, no, no. Addy's no problem.


Besides, if she d*ed, I'm sure she'd want you here.


Well, the group


Doesn't start cooking until later, maybelle.


Exactly, ma. Won't you just sit down?


Well, just a few minutes.


Sit down.


Well, ernie, you know, new york is such a big place.


Exactly where did you meet my mama?


At the wrestling matches.


Why were they wrestling in church?


I ran into maybelle at the wrestling matches


In madison square garden.


And lucky for me, she was all by herself.


I had never been to madison square garden.


And I love watching hulk hogan


Take the head off of "mad dog" madison.


Wait a minute. I'm just a little confused here.


Um, you went to the wrestling matches


Because you wanted to see "mad dog" madison


Get his face mashed in.


Aha. And you went alone.


And ernie here picked you up there.


Mm-hmm. Anything wrong with that?


Oh, no, no, no.


Anyone who stays out till in the morning


Can get picked up by anybody she wants.


I fell off of my chair when I saw your mother...


Because she looked just as pretty as she did years ago.


Oh, you little devil!



Excuse me, excuse me. Years ago?


Oh, I've known your mother a long time.


Oh, so you were friends with my mama and my daddy.


No, no. I never knew your father.


Excuse me.


Addy...


It's getting bizarre out there.


Now, it turns out that mama knew this man


Before she met my daddy.


And she didn't meet him in church.


She met him at the wrestling matches.


Can you believe that? Wrestling matches.


The next thing I'll find out


Is that mama has season tickets to the cockfights.


[ Groans ]


Addy, she'd never mentioned ernie to me before.


In all the years as I was growing up,


All the stories I heard about --


Let's see. There was david newman.


That was the guy who took out his own appendix.


And there was ed hunt.


That was the guy who swallowed grapes whole.


And there was pervis hanes.


Oh, that was the guy who taught his dog how to smoke.


But never once did she mention ernie.


[ Groans ]


Oh, you so smart!


Of course. That's why she didn't mention ernie --


Because he was dull.


Who wouldn't forget good old, dull ernie


When mama could be telling stories


About how pervis' dog tried to quit smoking?


Girl, one time he took up the pipe.


And once he quit smoking for six months.


Oh, but the poor dog gained so much weight.


He was way out here...


Little paws hanging out there.


Oh, he looked awful.


I guess that's the reason mama never mentioned ernie,


Because there was really nothing to tell.


[ Groans, coughs ]


Oh, honey, you sound terrible.


Why don't you just stop talking, okay?


Look, I'm gonna leave you alone.


I won't let anybody bother you, okay?


Bye-bye.


[ Laughs loudly ]


Excuse me.


Ernie, did I miss something?


No, we were talking about the good old days back in alabama,


When we drove to dothan for a dance contest


On the th of july.


You drove miles away from home


To see a dance contest?


Oh, not to see it -- to enter it.


You and who, my mama?


Are you kidding?


She was the best dancer in the state.


Let's see. That's wrestling, dancing.


You've put more verbs in my mama's life


Than I even know she had.


Your mother was a mover, a smoother,


And a midnight groover.


And we would have won that dance contest if I hadn't messed up.


Oh, it wasn't your fault, ernie.


I shouldn't have pushed myself off your shoulders


When you lifted me above your head.


You...


You were in perfect position, my darling.


Oh, no, I wasn't.


Oh, yes, you were.


See, I had you above my head,


And I was gonna throw you through my legs.


But I lost my grip,


And you went careening across the dance floor.


Wasn't those judges


Surprised when I slid right under the table?


[ Laughs ]


And you knocked them right on their scorecards!


[ Both laugh ]


And the storm that night --


Whew, I never saw so much rain in all my life.


Remember?


It wiped out the bridge,


And we had to stay in the tweedledee motel


In the last room they had.


Oh, yeah.


You know what? I remember that.


I sure enough remember that.


And the rain ruined my hair.


Well, I stayed in that place about five years ago


In that very same room.


And they never fixed the shower.


And the radiator was still making so much noise


That I couldn't sleep.


And the bed was just as hard


As it was when we were there.


[ Ernie laughs ]


[ Breathing heavily ]


Ma, what's your rush? You just got here. Nell, I told you. We're going to the club.



Ernie always likes to sit in on the first set.


Sit in? Are you a musician?


That's right -- saxophone.


Oh, what a coincidence.


My ex-husband played the trumpet.


Mama made him wait in the hallway, too.


Ernie's a very talented musician,


And he always plays my favorite song whenever he's on stage.


Well, you do love "amazing grace," don't you?


No, "the lady is a tramp."


Well, now that I have fallen into wonderland,


Will someone please give me the pill that makes me small?


Ernie, I'm gonna fix my hair a bit.


Now, we must leave.


We've just got to leave.


Maybelle, don't take too long.


I lost you once.


I don't want to lose you again.


Oh, ernie.


Oh, ernie,


Why don't you sit down and let's get acquainted here?


Okay, but don't take too long.


You know how your mother is when she makes up her mind.


[ Laughs ]


Yes, mama has a will of iron,


Doesn't she?


Nothing tempts her off the straight and narrow path.


It's much easier for my mama to say "no" than "yes,"


Don't you think, ernie?


Well, actually, I haven't had that experience with her.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Oh, hi, maggie.


Here's the chicken soup, nell. I hope addy's still sick.


I'm gonna put it in the kitchen, 'cause it's really hot.


Hey, ernie.


Erniehi, maggie.


"Hey, ernie" -- where do you know him from?


B.j. And I ran into ernie and your mother


At the fights the other night.


My mother? You must be kidding.


My mother's not into fights. I know my mother.


She's into wrestling.


No, no, it was her, nell. Really, it was her.


She was having a great time, too.


You should be glad she's got a guy.


I mean, who's taking you to the fights these days?


I don't have to discuss my social life with you.


But I do need your opinion on something, okay?


Oh, great. Sure. Go ahead.


Say this couple, they go miles away from home.


Wait. Wait. Wait.


If this is one of those math problems,


I'm really not too good at those.


You know, I'm gonna chop you, okay?


All right, listen.


Like I said, a couple --


They go away miles to this dance contest.


And on the way home, there's this big storm.


And all the roads are washed out,


So they end up having to spend the night


In the only motel room in town together.


Well, my question is --


Do you really think that they could have, you know --


Yes.


You didn't let me finish my question.


Do I think they won the dance contest?


I don't know.


Do I think they tested the springs on the mattress?


You bet.


"You bet"?


That's all you can say about my mama's reputation,


Is "you bet"?


Your mother spent the night with some guy in a motel?


Way to go, maybelle!


That was over years ago.


And she's still talking about it?


He must have been incredible!


It was ernie, and nothing happened.


Oh, ernie. So?


So, your dad wasn't your mother's first choice.


It's no big deal, nell.


Well, you just watch what you're saying.


First of all, my mama did not cheat on my daddy,


And my mama did not marry my daddy on the rebound.


She and ernie were just dance partners,


Just like fred and ginger.


Yeah, sure, nell. Right.


Two young people stranded all night in a motel room alone?


What would you have done in that room?


Get out.


Hey! I'm sorry. I didn't mean --


Get out.


All right, I'm going.


Way to go, ernie!


You know how friendly irish people can be.


So, ernie, why don't we talk a little more


About the tweedledee motel?


Well, it's like I said.


It was july , .


I will never forget that night,



And I could never forget those fireworks.


Outside the room?


[ Chuckles ]


Is this you?


Yes, that's me, my little sister, loretta,


And our dog, sneakers.


Sneakers?


That's what maybelle always called me -- sneakers.


Well, it's such a common name.


Well, she called me worse than that


When I left her in that motel room, though.


You left her?


Yeah, she wanted to go on the road with me.


On the road?


It nearly broke my heart. What road, dear?


When I was going on tour.


Wait a minute.


Are we talking about the same lady?


That sweet little old lady that's in the bathroom?


That same great lady.


Boy, she was beautiful.


"To my beloved henry on our wedding day.


August , ."


Lucky man.


Give me that.


August , ?


Well, we'd better be going.


Ma, can I talk to you for a minute?


No, we really have to go, nell.


I really need to talk to you now.


Maybelle, I'll wait for you out in the hall.


Thanks, sneakers.


Nice meeting you, nell.


Ma, why didn't you tell me


You wanted to go on the road with that man?


Nell, that was years ago.


What difference does it make now?


I'll tell you, mama.


You married my daddy. You didn't even love him.


What?


Ma, don't tell me that you met daddy,


Fell in love, and got married all within a month's time.


Even fruit flies date longer than that, mama.


Nell, I was already engaged to your father


When ernie and I spent that night in that motel.


You know, ma,


I always knew that we had a skeleton in the closet,


But I didn't know he was in there playing saxophone.


Now, listen to me, nell.


I was engaged to your father


And wanted to marry him when ernie came along.


Well, it was excitement.


He flattered me...


Made me feel special.


He still does.


Then why did you marry my daddy?


Because I loved him.


I knew it wouldn't work with a guy like ernie


Just like it wouldn't work with you and that trumpet player.


You know, nell,


You've got a lot of growing up to do.


And when you do,


You'll realize that your mama is a woman,


Just like you.


Ma...


Uh, just one question.


You know, that night at the tweedledee motel,


You and ernie -- it's been a long time.


You probably don't even remember, but did you...


Nell, I'm ashamed of you.


I think you know the answer to that question,


And I trust that this subject will never come up again.


Ma, please wait. I'm sorry.


I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry.


Well, you should be. Hmm!


[ Maybelle laughing loudly ]


♪ Gimme a break!


♪ Gimme a break!


♪ Gimme a break!
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