02x10 - Wine & Tastings

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Grand Crew". Aired: December 14, 2021 to present.*
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A group of friends unpack the ups and downs of life and love at a wine bar.
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02x10 - Wine & Tastings

Post by bunniefuu »

[GRUNTS] Dang!

- This cork is really stuck.
- Let me try.

Okay.

[GRUNTS]

This is crazy right here. [MUTTERS] Bro.

All right. Let me see it.

[HIGH-PITCHED YELP]

[GRUNTS]

Mm-mm-mm.

I'm good. I just moisturized.

Come on, guys. I got this.

Okay. It's pretty jammed.

[STRAINS]

[GUTTURAL SQUEAK]

[GASPING GRUNTS]

[CORK SQUEAKING]

- [CORK POPS]
- [NICKY GASPS]

- ALL: Oh!
- I did it! Ah, ah, ah!

ALL: Oh!

- That was a workout! Whew!
- [ALL GROANING]

I am light-headed!

[ALL EXCLAIM] What?

You guys mad that I opened a bottle

and you guys couldn't open it?

Nicky, look at your hand.

Oh, no.

♪ Whoop, whoop ♪

♪ Cabernet and sauvignon ♪

♪ Team is here and now it's on ♪

♪ Carry on and Carignan,
sippin' on Perignon ♪

♪ Fine wine, got notes like a cello ♪

♪ Pull up in the spot like hello ♪

♪ If you got me, then I got you ♪

♪ This is the vibe, this is the crew ♪

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪

♪ Grand crew, grand
crew, grand crew, uh ♪

♪ Grand crew ♪

So I've gotten really
into this journaling thing.

It's nice to have a space

to say whatever's on
my mind, for example...

skee-bop-bop-buh-duh-duh-dee-
dah-dah-piddy-dop-doo!

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, jazz is fun.

The only downside of all this

is I think that girl, Jordan,
I dated hacked my computer

and read all my personal thoughts.

Noah, it's Jordan.

I hacked your computer and
read all your personal thoughts.

Change your damn password.

So yeah, I really need
to change my password.

I'll do it later.

Anyway, all this reflection
has made me realize

that life is like a
mysterious glass of wine

handed to you by the universe.

Just when you think
you've got it figured out,

it'll hit you with
some unexpected notes,

and we were all about
to taste something new.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Hey, Sherm.

Now that Anthony's moving out,
you gonna get a new roommate?

No, I think I'ma pay the rent by myself.

How you gonna pay the
rent all by yourself?

Didn't you say you were
broke a couple months ago?

I believe the term I
used was "pre-rich."

Oh.

I've been grinding since
Anthony bought that house.

And Jones & Sons is thriving.

I even gave a ride
to Shaq the other day.

- ALL: What?
- Seriously?

- How was that?
- Well...

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

I'm a big fan.

Thanks, big fella.

I don't know why he insisted
on sitting directly behind me,

but regardless, I'm doing great.

We both are.

Nicky changed my life
giving me that house.

Yes, I did.

And you get your keys in a few days.

Yup.

A milestone like this calls
for the return of King TUT.

- Oh, snap!
- Ooh!

Turn-Up Tony is fantastic.

It is the Anthony that
we know, but way more fun.

And let's be honest.

He can get pretty out of control.

Well, that's true. It is what it is.

Y'all looking for something to do,

the honey Damion invited
me to a wine-tasting event

- over at the Soco Club.
- Soco Club?

That place is, like, very exclusive.

I heard the owner couldn't
even become a member.

- How is that possible?
- Pfft.

Anyway, it's not really my crowd.

I could use a social
buffer. Y'all should pull up.

Mm. Kristen and I haven't had
a night out since Nadine came.

- Count us in.
- Same.

- I'm down.
- Hey, Nicky.

You should come, too.

That way, we can toast
everything you've done for me.

Wow, you buying me a house
has become all about me,

and I really like that.

[CHUCKLES]

A few days later, we
were off to the Soco Club.

And I knew it was gonna be super fancy,

so I had my witty comment ready.

I was gonna be like,
"Forget a dress code.

"I feel like we're gonna
need a whole new tax bracket

to be up in here."

Okay, forget a dress code.

I feel like we're gonna
need a whole new tax bracket

- to be up in here.
- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, Sherm.
- Damion. What's up, my guy?

What's up, what's up?
Hey, what's up, y'all?

- What's up?
- Hey.

Hey, thanks for inviting us.

Hey, no. Thank you for coming.

So look, here's the deal.

There's free food and wine samples

and varietals from all over the world.

But also, please make sure
to try these crab cakes,

because they are the best
in Los Angeles, all right?

Ooh, crab cakes are my favorite.

Well, the cakes in that
dress are my favorite.

- Oh, you need a snack?
- Oh, yes.

Break me off a piece
of that thick-snack-bar.

Oh, y'all real horny, huh?

You'll get used to it.
Horny's their love language.

Hold up. Is that Glen Gregorson?

And Rachel Thibodeau? Wait, wait, wait.

- That's Louis Hampton!
- Yeah, man. Wild, right?

Why are you so excited?

Those people look like
high school principals.

Those are very well-respected
master sommeliers.

Man, the way Louis sniffs that wine.

- He changed the game.
- Ooh, hell yeah, he did.

- Hit him with the...
- [BOTH SNIFFING]

Ooh, he did it just like...

yeah, no, you did it
exactly like he did it.

Yeah, look, man.

I'm excited you and Noah

decided to enter the
wine tasting competition.

It's gonna be tight.

- We did nothing of the sort.
- Yes, we did.

I read about that competition
online and entered us both.

Without telling you. [CHUCKLES]

- Why would you do that?
- Come on, dude.

It'll be hella fun.

Plus, I would put your palate up against

anybody's palate up in here.

It's one thing to be impressive
in front of this group.

Respectfully, y'all palates are trash.

Hey! Mine's pretty good.

You once thought Mountain Drew Code Red

was a sparkling rosé.

It was a sparkling
rosé. I stand by that.

Trash.

Sherm was really upset
that I signed us up

for that wine-tasting competition.

And you know what? I didn't care.

Meanwhile, Wyatt and Kristen were in for

a different type of tasting,
but it wasn't going so well.

Where are these damn crab cakes?

I feel like I can smell 'em.

Ooh, there, there. Let's move.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Come on.

These people are moving like
snakes in a mouse factory.

Right? Oh, I need to
get my hands on one.

It's been a lot of chicken
nuggets with Nadine.

Oh, it has. And look, baby.

Thanks for being so open to
having Nadine stay with us,

even though you're...

Not good with kids and don't
have great maternal instincts?

- I know.
- I wasn't gonna say that.

Auntie Kristen, can you
help me with my homework?

- Is that allowed?
- [SIGHS]

- But we all got room to grow.
- [CHUCKLES]

And either way, I've
got some homework. to do.

And what's that?

Getting you some of
these damn crab cakes.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Pigs in a blanket?

Ain't nobody want swine right now.

Get that pork mess outta here

and get the people what they want.

In the next room over,
Anthony, AKA King TUT,

was looking to get it poppin' with Nicky

to thank her for finding him a new home.

Man, I am so hyped to
celebrate with you tonight,

but this event doesn't
really have King TUT energy.

- Oh, it's not so
bad. There's free wine.

Nah, nah, I'd be doing you a disservice

not to show you the best
possible time tonight.

- We getting out of here.
- To go where?

To where the real party is.

- The members only floor.
- Okay.

- I like where your head's at.
- Mm-hmm.

- But you're not a member.
- But King TUT is.

Nicky was right. King
TUT was not a member,

but he was still determined
to show her a good time.

There's no way that we're getting in.

It's like the most
exclusive spot in the city.

Shh. Just stick to the plan.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Names, please.

My name is Tony-Tone
and this is Sheila Bops.

You're not in the system.
I'm sorry. Can't let you in.

[CHUCKLES] But we're members.

Yeah, but you're not in the
system, so it's not happening.

Bro, this is Sheila Bops
and I'm her music manager.

Don't mean nothing to me.

She's Rihanna's favorite songwriter.

If it wasn't for Sheila,

"Umbrella" would've
been about a raincoat.

Oh, I gotta get this.

Hi, Rihanna. Yeah, we are here.

They're not letting us in
even though we're members,

so don't come here, Rihanna, okay?

No, don't get upset.

We could just go somewhere else.

Wait, bad girl. RiRi! Robyn!

Don't hang up, don't hang up! [MUTTERS]

Oh, she hung up!

Oh, SheilaBops? My bad about the mix-up.

I've definitely heard of Sheila Bops.

- You're a legend.
- Yes, I am.

- Thank you for recognizing.
- [CHUCKLES]

Sheila, I'm so sorry.

It's all right. Tony, it's okay.

So it was finally time for
the wine-tasting competition,

and let's just say Sherm
wasn't as enthused as I was.

What the hell have you gotten us into?

Oh, just treat it like a
drink in your apartment.

I ain't never had this many
white dudes in my apartment.

[PIANO PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

And why the hell is
Lewis Hampton watching?

Now I'm gonna be off my game.

Aren't you always saying

that you do your best under pressure?

Most things I say are
for dramatic effect.

Hello. I'm Douglas. This
is my brother, Tripton.

We haven't seen you at
these tasting events before.

Oh, yeah. This is our first one.

That's fun.

Which wine tasting team
were you on at university?

Oh, naw. I wasn't on a
wine-tasting team in college.

I didn't go to college.

Uh, interesting.

Well, this should be a
fun learning experience

- for you both, then.
- Oh.

- Good luck.
- Thank you. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, I hated that.

- I want to fight them.
- Yeah.

Well, fight them with your taste buds.

All right, all right. Hello, everyone.

Welcome to the th Annual

Soco Club Amateur Wine-Tasting Classic.

Contestants, please take your seats.

[DRAMATIC HIP-HOP MUSIC]

♪ One ♪

You must identify the wine's grape...

♪ One, two ♪

And country of origin.

The two teams with the highest score

will move on to the highest
stage of this competition.

Okay, so now I was a bit nervous too,

because I'm not great with wine at all

and everyone else in
this room clearly was.

[LIPS SMACKING]

I mean, I really had no idea
what the hell I was doing,

so I just followed Sherm's lead.

That's a New World
Malbec from Argentina.

[SOFTLY] I love it!



[SMACKS LIPS]

[WHISPERING] I have no idea.

That's an Old World
Pinot Noir from Burgundy.

- Oh, cool. From where?
- [WHISPERING] Old World!

- Pinot Noir from Burgundy!
- Old World?

Sherm really seemed to be on it,

sniffin' and swirlin'
and sippin' like that?

Maybe we had a sh*t.

And pencils down. All right.

Meanwhile, just upstairs,

Wyatt finally got his
hands on some of those

b*mb-ass crab cakes
he and Kristin wanted.

I got 'em. Here you go, babe.

Or so we thought.

No, it's not a crab cake,
it's damn tuna patty.

This is impossible.

You're looking for the crab cakes, huh?

BOTH: Yes.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

I overheard two servers talking.

The crab cakes are almost gone.

[SLOWLY] You're running out of time.

Oh, no, no. Do you know
where we can get some?



I'm hearing whispers there's
a fresh tray headed downstairs

to the wine-tasting competition.

Thanks so much. Wyatt, let's go.

Wait!

Are they really as good
as people say they are?

You better [BLEEP] believe it.

Now get outta here.

And while Wyatt and Kristin

headed downstairs to
get those elusive cakes,

Anthony and Nicky were
upstairs shaking their cakes.

Now, these were the King TUT
vibes Anthony was looking for.

Now, this is how I wanted to
say thank you for helping me

blossom into the man that I am.

- Oh, no.
- Oh. Was it too sentimental?

Was it the blossom thing?

I had a feeling I was being too soft.

No, no, no, no, I love
getting the respect I deserve,

but your ex-girlfriend is here.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Talia?

Oh, no.

Ooh, damn. I am tipsy as hell.

Because you refused
to use a spit bucket.

Psh. What'd I look like

spitting out a Château
Cos d'Estournel ?

- I gots to digest that baby.
- [CHUCKLES] True.

Oh, it's one of those crab
cakes Damion was talking about.

Here, eat one. I'll help with your buzz.

All right. Don't mind if I do.

[CHUCKLING] Wow! Oh,
that one was [BLEEP].

You okay?

Sherm, I know you didn't
just spit out that crab cake.

It b*rned my damn mouth.

It was that hot?

You know that means it was fresh.

All right, everybody. We
have tallied the results.

We have our two final teams.

The Crane Brothers with team members

Douglas and Tripton Crane,

and Dutty Wine with team members

Noah Coleman and Sherman Jones.

Snap! We're in. Oh, this is amazing.

[LISPING] No, it's not!
It's the hot crab cake.

I can't taste a thing!

So can we have it?

Wyatt, it was in his mouth.
We are better than this.

We actually made it to the finals,

but Sherm's burnt tongue
presented a new complication.

Meanwhile, Anthony was dealing with

the complication of being
in the same room as his ex.

- Oh, she's coming.
- Oh. What do I do?

- Be cool.
- How do I look?

Great, but she looks better.

Oh, hey, Talia!

- Hey, Anthony.
- Hey.

- Nicky.
- It's nice to see you.

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I'm a member.

I come here a couple times a
month to relax or take meetings.

How 'bout you guys?

- Just living it up.
- Yeah.

- Getting tipsy.
- Tipsy.

- [ANTHONY CHUCKLES]
- Cool. [CHUCKLES]

So how's life? How's work?

Good, good. In fact,

I just started doing some
consulting work at your firm.

Really? Nice.

I've been gearing up for
this merger for months now.

- Is that what you're working on?
- Actually, yeah.

Cool.

It's really nice to see you, Anthony.

You, too.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Mm.

I'm gonna go buy us another round.

So running into your ex
isn't exactly a King TUT vibe,

but at least it couldn't get any worse.

Hey, um, I'm really glad to see
Anthony's in such good spirits.

Yeah. Wait, why wouldn't he be?

Oh, well, his entire
department's being let go

once the merger goes through.

- I thought he knew that.
- No he did not know that.

Okay, I'm sorry. You
know what? Ignore me.

- I should go.
- Okay.

You know what? Please don't tell him.

- I won't.
- Or tell him.

Okay.

Honestly, I just need to
get the hell out of here.

- Yes. [CHUCKLES]
- And it just got worse.

Oh, [BLEEP].

After running into Talia,

Anthony thought the worst
was over. Wrong! [CHUCKLES]

But Nicky didn't know how to tell him
he was about to lose his job.

Nicky, hey.

I'm so sorry you had to
be in the middle of that.

I had no idea Talia was gonna be here.

Yeah, it's okay.

But we're about to take
it to another level.

See, King TUT is back to conquer.

You know King TUT's tomb
was famously cursed, right?

Yeah.

Anyways, as promised,
this round's on me.

Anthony, please don't do that.

You just bought a house.

You should be saving your money.

And I've already drained my savings.

I'm living
paycheck-to-paycheck right now.

What's a couple more dollars gonna hurt?

I make good money. I'll be all right.

Oh, my God, okay. I'm
gonna go to the bar.

Cool. Make sure you put it on my tab.

You got it, dude!

Hey, how can I help you?

Hi, so my friend over there,

he won't let me buy him a drink,

but what he doesn't know

is his whole life is
about to fall apart,

so any time he orders a round,

can you just put it on my card, please?

Honestly, this happens
all the time. No problem.

- You're a peach.
- Hey, Sheila.

- Huh?
- You good?

I be boppin'!

- Mm!
- ♪ Straight up ♪

Attention!

All y'all at the bar right here,

next round's on me!

[LAUGHTER]

Wyatt was right.

King TUT can get out of control.

Still, Nicky had no idea
what she just signed up for.

Oh, man.

Anthony was buying out
the bar on Nicky's dime

without even knowing it. Yeesh!

He had her on the dance floor

thinking about getting a second job.

I mean, he spent so much of her money.

Attention, everyone in here right now!

Next round's on me!

Nope, next round's on Nicky,

just like all the other rounds were.

[CHUCKLES] But you know, let me stop.

She was really going through it.

And so were me and Sherm.

Is it better? Are your taste buds back?

Of course not.

This reminds me of
when Kawhi got injured

in the second round
of the playoffs.

Why do bad things only
happen to Clipper fans?

Hello, Team Dutty Wine.

[GROANS] What do you guys want?

Oh, we wanted to congratulate
you on making it to the finals.

But we will defeat you.
Our taste buds are superior.

You are aware of how
r*cist that sounds, right?

No, that's not what he meant.

He's just saying we have
more experience with wine,

therefore our taste buds are more pure.

Yo.

Look, we are not r*cist.

I was raised by a strong Black woman.

- My nanny.
- What?

Anyway, may the best team win.

And the worst team lose.

We know how a competition works.

Attention, everyone.

Our finalists will have one minute

to identify this wine's
grape, region, and vintage.

What the hell is a vintage?

It's the year that the
grape was harvested.

We are screwed.

And your time starts now.

Okay, yo, I'ma need
you to be my taste buds.

But how? All this stuff just
tastes like fancy juice to me.

Just try it and try to describe it.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC]



Mm.

Remember that aftertaste
of those cupcakes

from Mr. Wangly's home
economics class in th grade?

It tastes like that, but worse.

- Those cupcakes were dry.
That means it's a dry wine.

- Give me more, give me more.
- [SIGHS]

I know this isn't gonna make sense,

but it kind of tastes
like this girl named Amelia

who I kissed in sixth grade...
it tastes like her Chapstick.

Okay, so there's hints of dark cherry.

Wait. How would you know that?

- Because I kissed her, too.
- Wait.

What do you mean you kissed Amelia?

We don't have time to talk about that.

Let me ask you this.
Does it taste earthy?

What the hell are you talking about?

Speak to me like a child.

- Does it taste like dirt?
- Thank you.

- Yes.
- Okay.

Think I know what it is.

It sounds like a Pinot Noir

from Sonoma County, .

And time.

[CLEARS THROAT]

And the winner is...

Am I tripping or is
this pause hella long?

- The Crane Brothers.
- [APPLAUSE]

Man, I really wanted to
b*at those Crane Brothers.

They have such smack-able faces.

But we weren't the only
ones to take an L that night.

- Where the hell you guys been?
- Oh, you know.

- Spending money.
- So much money. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, I got your text.

Don't worry about the wine contest.

Turn-Up Tony knows how
to turn a loss into a win.

I really hope so.

So what is the most expensive
bottle of wine sold here?

- It's on me.
- No, no, no, no.

I think we're okay.

Nah, if Anthony's paying, I'm
down to take a bottle home.

- Definitely.
- Great. It's settled.

Four premium bottles for the road.

Anthony, you're about to lose your job.

Huh?

So what's the word?

Well, just spoke with Talia.

Definitely getting
laid off and, uh, soon.

I just feel so disposable.

Man, I'm sorry I sold you a house

at the worst possible moment.

Oh, man. I wasn't even
thinking about the house.

- I just bought a house.
- I'm sorry.

- I shouldn't have brought it up.
- Man.

All those late nights,
all those weekends,

all that work, for what?

A year worth of severance pay?

You're getting paid for an entire year?

Damn, Anthony. That's a lot of money.

But I don't have a job.

But you don't need a job
for a year, dumb-dumb.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't make jokes.

But maybe this is a good thing.

In what way?

Listen, I went through a dry period

where I wasn't selling any houses

and I got super depressed.

And it made me realize that

I needed to find my
worth in other places.

And I think it's time
for you to do the same.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Excuse me.

Were you the nice couple

looking for the crab cakes earlier?

- Yes, that's us.
- Here.

Our father wanted you to
have these before he...

before he left us.

Oh, my God. Did he die?

Oh, no. He just got tired
and he's asleep in the car

and I have allergies, so enjoy.

Thank you. This is amazing.

Okay, here we go, here we go.

♪ Mm! ♪

What you doing?

Nadine loves seafood.
This one's for her.

And who doesn't have maternal instincts?

- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- I love you.

You better. Now give
me the rest of yours.

Are you sure that Nadine likes seafood?

I'm just playing. Here you go.

Let's go. [CHUCKLES]

Wyatt and Kristin finally got a taste

of those crab cakes.

At the same time,

Sherm and I were still dealing
with the taste of defeat.

- Hey, Sherm.
- My man.

Did great, man. Great.

- Yo, the Pinot was a .
- Oh!

You were only off by one year.

That palate of yours is
even crazier than I expected.

[CHUCKLES] I was on the team, too.

Come on, bruh.

You right.

Hey. Thanks, man. It
was actually pretty fun.

Yeah, yeah. And yo, I was
just talking to Louis Hampton.

You're not gonna believe this.

[CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

- Man, would you just say it?
- Yeah, yeah.

Yo, he wants to offer
you an apprenticeship

at his wine school in France.

- [LAUGHING] Whoa!
- What?

- Nice. That's amazing.
- Yes, dude.

It's a big deal, man.

I've never seen it
happen like this before.

I was in the same program.

I'm gonna be working there this summer.

- I hope to see you there.
- For sure, man.

Thank you. I'm honored.

- Good job.
- Yo. [CHUCKLES]

Stay up.

- Yo!
- [LAUGHING]

You going to France?

Ain't nobody going to
France, man. You trippin'.

What are you talking about?

My driving business is taking off.

If I want to experience France,

I'll just buy a long piece of bread

and some cigarettes
from the grocery store.

So you like your driving business

more than you like wine?

I like a lot of things
more than I like driving.

Basketball, sleep, sex.

That don't mean I should be pursuing

any of them professionally.

Sherm, I been journaling a lot

and every time I write about you,

it always has something
to do with you and wine.

You write about me in your diary?

It's actually turning out
to be more of a manuscript.

But the point is you guys

are always looking out
for me when I need it.

Well, this is me looking out for you.

I think you need to do this.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Sherm thought he finally had
his career path figured out,

but the universe presented
him with the opportunity

to take something new.



Later that week, we
all toasted to Anthony

getting the keys to his new home.

He had come to terms
with getting laid off.

I mean, he was getting a
year's worth of severance?

That's wild. [CHUCKLES]

But also,

he was quickly presented
with a new opportunity.

[STEVE LACY'S "SUNSHINE"]

♪ Caught me off guard
when I saw you last week ♪

But Anthony realized
that Nicky was right.

Maybe it was time to taste what
life is like with some time off.

Wyatt and Kristin got
a splash of parenthood,

and they were both finally feeling like

they might be ready for a whole glass.

Nicky got a taste of fame,

and let's just say she was all about it.

♪ I think that I was in love ♪

And Sherm decided there
was more to France than...

[BAD FRENCH ACCENT]
Baguettes and cigarettes.

[CHUCKLES]

[NORMALLY] That's a French accent.

I'm still working on it.

And Anthony decided that

France is the perfect
place to find yourself.

♪ Where you are ♪

And me, I realized that
life tastes much better

when you got your friends to lift you up

and hold you down.

I don't know what the
universe is gonna serve up next

in this mysterious
wine glass called life,

but whatever it is, I'm gonna savor it.

I'm trying to feel that buzz.

And also, I'd still
really like to find love.

Let's be real. That's
never gonna change.

- [SAXOPHONE PLAYS]
- Yah.

- Not a doctor.
- Shh.
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