04x23 - The Breadwinners

[bunniefuu]

- How do I look?

- Hey, you look a lot
better than bonzo moretti.

- Who's bonzo moretti?

- Bonzo moretti's the guy

That we took that
coat and tie from.

- His coat, his tie, and
one of his socks too.

- C'mon, man, you
exit stage right.

- Hey, good luck, little juan.

- This job's
getting to me, julie.

- Oh, what's the
matter, mr. Woodman?

- I swear I just
saw juan epstein

Wearing a coat and tie.

Either that or bonzo
moretti's hair exploded.

- That was a tie.

I thought his tongue
was hanging out.

- Juan's going on
a job interview.

- What's he gonna
be? A yo-yo tester?

Ha, ha, ha, ha...
- Why? Do you need one?

Ha, ha, ha, ha...

- I'll believe
epstein gets a job

When I see the statue
of liberty skinny dipping.

Ha, ha, ha, ha...
- C'mon, mr. Woodman.

It's almost practically
a sure thing.

- Come on, what kind
of dumb-dumb nitwit

Would guarantee him a job?

- Your niece, kelly.

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome
back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome
back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome
back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome
back welcome back ♪

- Alrigh, alrigh. Yeah.

So, juan, this is the "fat
away health spa," huh?

- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, otherwise known

As the "brooklyn home
for wayward thighs."

- Samson malone, here's
freddie washington.

Freddie, samson runs this joint.

- Hey, man, what's
happenin', man?

It's nice to meet
you, all right.

- Hey, look at the reach on him.

What is that, 76,
78 inches, huh?

- Yeah...

- How much do
you weigh, 166, 167?

- Yeah, about that much, yeah.

- Yeah? Well, shave a few pounds

And you'd make a
heck of a middleweight.

- Hoo-hoo!
- Yeah?

His iq test says
he's a lightweight.

- Ah, get outta here.

Hey, samson, epstein
was telling me

You used to be a boxer?

- Ah, yeah, before I retired
I had 32 great fights.

- Ooh, ain't nothing
wrong with that.

- Out of 168.

- C'mon, c'mon, I'm
only kidding you,

I'm only kidding you.

- You're all right, kid.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey, kelly.

- Well, back to the
w*r on cellulite.

See you guys later.

- Listen, juan, I'm
on my break now.

Why don't we go call that store

And talk to the
owner about your job?

- Sure.

Freddie, I'm ready to step
up to the working class, huh?

- Wooo, get down.

- Hey, juan. I hope
you enjoyed your trip.

I'll see you next fall.

- Oh!
- Oh.

Go ahead, you
first, lady, go ahead.

- You think I need it
more than you do, huh?

- Oh, nah.

I think you're in a
terrific shape for a ol...

For a young lady.

- For a b*at-up old bag?

- I didn't say that, ma'am.

You're putting
words in my mouth.

- Well, somebody has to.

You're not doing a
very good job of it.

- Now, wait a minute
there, you better back off.

You don't know me that good.

- Now don't you
tell me what to do

Or I'll take you in the
ring and I'll flatten you.

- Are you crazy, woman?

I don't care if you
work out in this gym

Every single day of your life,

You ain't gonna never be able
to b*at freddie washington

And you know why?

Because I got moves that
are smooth, you know?

I mean, my hands,
they're fast as lightning.

My feet never touch the ground.

You know what I'm talking about?

'Cause I float like a butterfly

And I sting like a match.

You got it?

- And when you bend
over to climb into the ring,

I'll cold cock you with this.

- All right, you win, I lose.

Hey, lady, you're all
right, you're cool.

- You're not so bad yourself.

I'm mrs. Gladstone
trevors-smythe.

- Oh, yeah.

My name is freddie
"boom boom" washington.

Every day I'll be going
"boom boom boom boom boom,"

Every day, "boom boom."

- Are you from
around here, freddie?

- Oh, yeah, I lived in
brooklyn all my life.

But things is
bound to get better.

That's the spirit.

Go in there and give
'em what you got.

Freddie: all right.

- You know, when my
husband gladstone d*ed,

Everybody thought that
was the end of me too.

- You know what? I bet they
didn't say that to your face

'Cause I know you'd have
fractured their nose, huh?

- That's for sure.
- Get that, huh?

- No, it's just that I'd
been married for so long,

No one thought I could
get along on my own.

But I showed 'em.

- All right.
- I jog a mile every day.

I work out here.

And I got the snazziest
little antique shop

In brooklyn, "these
and those antiques."

- Oh, I know that, "thems
and those antiques"?

I know that place, ma'am.

That's all by the old
"louie's candy store," right?

- Right. Have you
ever been in there?

- Oh, nah, we got enough
antiques at home at my house.

All the furniture's
early repossessed.

- You know, I could
use a nice young man

Like you in the shop.

Can you work after school?

- You jivin'? You
gonna give me a job?

- Yeah.
- In the antique business?

That's incredible work.

That would sure enough
make my mom feel good.

- Does your mother
admire fine antiques?

- Nah, she just admires the
ink on a weekly paycheck.

- Then it's all settled.

You can start tomorrow.

- All right.

- These and those antiques.

- Thems and those.

- Right next to the candy store.

- Thems and those
antiques by louie's.

Oh, that's a gig. Ah-ho!

Hey, juan, juan,
juan, what happened,

Man, what happened
with your job?

- The lady wasn't
there when we called.

But I'm gonna stop
by her shop tomorrow

'Cause kelly says
the job is in the bag.

- All right. Check
this part out.

- What's that?

- I got a job too.

I start tomorrow.

- Freddie, I don't believe
it. We're gonna be rich.

- Gonna be rolling in the dough.

- Yeah, we're gonna be up to
our armpits in moolah, huh?

- Let's celebrate, man.

Let's buy a pizza or something.

- With what?

- Oh, maybe we should have
took bonzo moretti's wallet too.

- Freddie, can you help
me over here a minute?

- Oh, sure enough in a
minute, mrs. Trevors-smythe,

I've just got to finish
unpacking these plaster dolls.

- My dear boy, those
are worth over $500.

- $500?

You sure they're legal?

Of course.

They're 19th century
porcelain figurines.

- Wow, 19th century.

Man, new ones
must cost a fortune.

- Let me take care of that.

You go into the storeroom

And get the pachyderm
ped umbrella stand.

- Pachyderm... All right.

Aye, aye, captain.

- Good morning, young
man, may I help you?

- Aye, in more ways
than you know.

I'm here for my job interview.

But before you say a
word, let me just say,

You're in good
hands with epstein.

- Job interview?

Oh, you must be kelly's friend.

- Yeah, I'm the very one.

- Oh, she said what a
fine young man you are

And it's so good of
you to come down

But I'm sorry the
position has been filled.

- Filled with what?

- A very nice young man
I hired just yesterday.

- Hey, boss, where do you
want this elephant thing?

Hey, yo, juan, what's
happenin', what's happenin'?

All right, man, how you feelin'?

- Well, good, you
know each other.

Then you'll excuse me.

I have to sort out my spittoons.

- What's happenin', man?

Who's hangin' out
at the park, man?

- Freddie, what
are you doing here?

Freddie: whaddya mean,
what am I doing here?

It's the new job I told
you I started. I started...

- Your job?
- Yeah.

- This is the job that
kelly set up for me.

- What are you
talkin'... Wait a minute,

I didn't know this was the
job that you was comin' for.

- C'mon, c'mon, don't
hand me that, freddie.

It's okay, you got the job.

Looks like you're happy.

See you later, freddie.

- Hey, wait a minute, juan.

Hold up, man,
wait a minute, man.

I don't know what
you're talkin' about.

What's happenin', man?

- I'll tell you what I'm
talking about, freddie.

You can take this job and
you can take our friendship

And you can jam it right
in that umbrella stand.

- Hey, yo, mr. Kotter,
what's up?

- Hey, freddie.

Well, how do you like
being a working man, huh?

- Oh, it's cool, man, you know.

I'm learning a lot.

- Ha, ha.

You know, I'm glad to see
you working in a place like this.

Gives you a little culture.

You don't believe this

But there's a lot
of people out there

That don't know the difference
between antiques and junk.

- You know, I know
that, mr. Kotter,

But do you know the difference
between antiques and junk?

- What?

- Oh, it's about $200.

- You deal in old
jokes here too?

- Yeah, you want me
to come by your house

And pick up all of yours?

Both: da-da-da da-da
da-da, boom boom.

- Listen, freddie, I
saw juan last night.

What happened between you guys?

- I dunno, mr. Kotter.

I don't know what's
wrong with that guy.

He's just blabbing off at me.

He's mad at me.

He keeps saying that I
aced him out of this gig here.

- Did you?

- No, mr. Kotter.

I would never do
something like that to juan.

- I don't know, freddie,
you've done worse things.

How about the time
you glued all the pages

In his history book together?

- He didn't get mad at that.

- Yeah, well, he would have
if he ever found out about it.

- Hey, mr. Kotter,

I would never take
a guy's gig, man.

I couldn't do that.

Especially to juan, man.

I mean, there's this lady
who owns this place.

Her name is miss trevors-smythe.

She hired me for the
job before I even knew

That it was juan's job.

- Well, why didn't you
explain that to him?

- I tried and explain
it to him, mr. Kotter.

He wouldn't listen to me.

He's just too hot headed.

I even tried to get
miss trevors-smythe

To fire me and to hire juan.

You know what she told me, man?

She says, "I don't want
to have any part of it.

You're the guy I
want for the job."

- Freddie, look, you know,
try talking to juan again,

All right? Maybe
he's cooled down.

You guys have come too far

To let something like
this make you enemies.

- Ah, I'll try,
mr. Kotter, all right?

- Samson, I want you to show
me how I can cream this guy.

- Hey, take it easy, kid.

Back off into a neutral
corner for a minute.

Freddie's got... He's 6
inches taller than you.

- C'mon, c'mon.

Juan epstein don't know the
meaning of the word "tall."

- Well, I'll explain it to you.

Tall means he'll
break your face.

- There's more to life
than just a pretty face.

C'mon, samson, I want you to
show me the old one-two, huh?

- All right, come over here.

Now there's just two things
you've got to remember.

One, keep your face
covered and, two, keep moving.

Now, let me see
your fighting stance.

Ah, come here, kid.

- Pretty good, huh?

- One other little thing.

When he knocks your teeth
out, don't swallow them.

♪ Oh shenandoah ♪

♪ I love your daughter ♪

♪ Way you roaming river ♪

Hi, honey.

- Arnold.
- What?

- As long as we're
having company,

Why don't we use the
good jelly glasses?

- Oh, that's right.

It's yogi bear for everyday

And the flintstones for company.

You know, mary, even
though we've been married

For such a very
short period of time,

Already I feel a
certain responsibility

And maturity that I
never felt before.

Oh, mary, be sure
that I get to sit here

So that I can have
the bamm-bamm glass.

- Oh, arnold.

I'm so happy being
married to you.

And we're a lot luckier
than most couples.

By working here for my uncle,

We get to see
each other all day.

- Oh, yeah.

It's a great job.

Especially, the fringe benefits.

- Arnold?
- What?

- You have that
same look in your eye

That you had this morning
at the mimeo machine.

- Care for a duplication?

- Greetings, honeymooners.

- Ha, hello.

- This is my contribution
to tonight's feast.

- Oh.

- Got some hush
puppies, some catfish

And last but not
least, shoofly pie.

- Where'd you shop, the zoo?

- Arnold?

Shoofly pie is
probably delicious.

- Oh, you eat it, huh?

I thought you hung it
up to keep away the flies.

Hmm, good.

- Hey, you know when we eat,

Can I have the bamm-bamm glass?

- No.

- All right.

Look, so when are juan
and freddie due to arrive?

- Uh, got about 5
peaceful minutes.

- Well, you know, after that
little run-in over the job,

I'm surprised they're
coming to dinner together.

Yeah.

They're gonna be surprised too.

You see, neither
one of them knows

That the other one doesn't
know that the other one is coming.

- Well said, arnold.

We need men like
you in washington.

- You see, I feel that if we can

Get those two
crazy kids together

And act like two
civilized human beings

In this room, well, then,
brooklyn will once again

Be safe for truth,

Justice and the american way.

- Arnold, you're
the only guy I know

That took notes
during "superman."

- Oh, the tension mounts.

- Oh, don't get up. I'll get it.

- Hi, freddie, how you doing?
- Hey, what's going on, beau?

- Hey, how are
you doing, freddie?

- Hey, mary.

I brought you all a
housewarming gift.

Check it out.

- Oh, what is it?

- That's a old incense burner.

- Oh, that's very nice.

Thank you, freddie.

- Thank you, freddie.
That's very nice.

Look.

Beau brought us
some shoofly pie.

- Yeah, well, put it in there

And light it and let's
see what happens.

- Now, listen, you
eat shoofly pie.

- Your mama eats shoofly pie.

- Hey, can I sip out of one
of those bamm-bamm glasses?

- No.

- Hi, mary. Hi, guys.

Hey, kelly - kelly,
where's juan?

- He's still trying to find
you a nice housewarming gift.

- Now?

The stores are all closed.

- Oh, he's not
gonna buy anything.

He's just trying
to find something.

- Hey, arnold.

- Hi, there, juan.

- Here's a little something

I brought you
from the west side.

Way over on the west side.

- Mary, look what
juan brought us.

- Well, now all our
guests are here.

- Oh, yeah, come on over here.

- Hey, uh, juan, hi.

- Two of your guests
are leaving, arnold.

- Oh, no.
- Hey, c'mon, juan, hold up.

Wait, hey, man.

I mean, as long as
we're here, you know,

At least, let's talk
about this thing, man.

- Yeah, that's the idea.

We're all adults here.

Now, you two can settle
your little differences.

- Sure, sure, like the
fact that I'm trustworthy

And honest and he's a
two-faced sneak, right?

- Hey, juan, look, man.

If you want the job that
bad, you can have it, man.

- C'mon, freddie, I
don't want your job.

I don't want anything
from a backstabber.

- Hey, you better
watch your mouth,

You little unemployed.

- C'mon, freddie.

- Now you guys are
acting like children.

C'mon.

- Yeah? Well, he had
a lot of practice.

- Oh, right, right, okay, look.

Why don't you two
just put the gloves on

And get it over with?

- Well, that sounds great.

That sounds great to me.

If freddie's got the guts.

- Okay, that's it. C'mon,
chump, put your...

- Don't worry, mary,

We had to redecorate
the place anyway.

- The only thing I'm
gonna redecorate

Is washington's face.

- You do it...
- Will you guys cool it?

I'm not gonna let
you make a shambles

Out of my wife's
and my apartment.

- If you two insist on
acting like morons,

At least go down to the spa,

Put the boxing gloves on
and act like grown-up morons.

- Sounds fine to me.

- Yeah, well, that's
fine with me too, man.

- Freddie.
- Hey, I'm cool. Don't worry.

- Freddie!
- Hey, I'm cool.

- Freddie!
- Hey, what's the idea?

You know what I'm
gonna do for you, man?

- What? Whaddya gonna do for me?

- I'm gonna show you
what a train wreck

Feels like up close.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

- Well, let's go.
Let's go, freddie.

- C'mon.

- Well, that leaves
more shoofly pie for us.

- Well, here you are.

The spa's closed and so there
won't be anyone in your way.

So you're on your
own to fight it out,

Idiot to idiot.

- C'mon, freddie,
let's get on, huh?

- Hey, I'm ready for you.

Yeah, huh?

- C'mon.
- Ready?

- C'mon.
- Yeah. Uh-huh?

Yeah. Uh-huh?

Yeah. Uh-huh?

- C'mon.

- Please stop.
- What?

- I don't want to dent
my hands on your face.

Freddie: yeah?

- What do you say we use
the boxing gloves, huh?

- Yeah, get your
security measures.

Go ahead.

- I'm feeling good.

Here you go,
freddie, here you go.

- I'm ready for you.

- Freddie, I'm ready.

- Hey, hey, hey, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

What's the idea?

I thought this was gonna be
an equal opportunity fight?

- All right, here you go.

We'll go halvsies then, huh?

- All right, that's cool.

- Wait a minute,

What am I supposed to
do with two right hands?

- C'mon, c'mon, I don't need
these two boxing gloves

To you.

- Yeah? I'm ready
for you. Let's go.

- C'mon.
- C'mon, let's go. C'mon.

- Yeah.
- C'mon.

- Yeah.
- C'mon.

- Yeah.
- C'mon.

- Yeah.
- C'mon.

- Hold it.
- What?

- You want to go
up against the guy

Who could press 200 pounds?

- You can press 200 pounds?

- You take a look
over here, freddie.

- Hey, juan, you all right?

You all right, juan?

Take it easy, don't
want to hurt yourself.

Ready?

Both: one, two, three.

Agghhhh!

- Do you want to
go up against a guy

Who can do this, huh?

- I'm not too sure,
juan, I'm not too sure.

- Okay, okay.
- C'mon, put it down.

- All right, all right.

- Ohhh, my foot. My foot.

- It's all right,
juan. It's all right.

- Not that foot.
This one over here.

Oh, god, lift it up.

- Hey, juan, you all
right, you all right?

- Yeah, yeah, just testing
your reflexes, that's all.

- Ah, you're crazy.

- I just want you to know

That my reflexes is
ready and steady and hot.

Check 'em out.

Ow!

Hey, you know, it's
an old training trick,

You know, it builds up strength

In your arms and
legs so you can switch.

- Yeah, sure, sure.

You're gonna need
a lot of strength

In your arms and legs to
avoid these fists of fire.

Yaaghhh.

Aghh!

- C'mon, juan, stop
playing around here.

Let's get this fight over.

Get on the mat.

Put this stupid
weight out of the ring.

Aghh!

- Come over here.

C'mon, now you're.

- Come here, punk.

- C'mon on, let's go.

- C'mon on, let's go.

- Now. C'mon.

Let's go, c'mon.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- You know somethin'

We just made boxing history,

Two fighters who
knock each other out

Without throwing a punch.

C'mon, let's get up.

- Yeah.

- I didn't want to
hit you, freddie,

You know what I mean?

- I'm glad.

'Cause almost fighting
you almost k*lled me.

- Hey, you know something?

About that job, I'm really sorry

About the big stink I
made about it, really.

That's your job, you
earned it, you keep it, huh?

- Oh, juan, man.

You know, I always
knew that our friendship

Was a lot bigger than any job.

- Friends, huh?
- Friends to the end, right?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Uh, ahem, pardon
me, gentlemen.

You guys want to dance,
I'll put on some music

And turn down the lights.

Don't worry, kid, you
will play the violin again.

- Sure, sure.

- Yeah, but samson,

Will I ever be able
to dance swan lake?

- You're a crazy kid.

Ha, ha, ha.

Listen, I've been in fights

Where the referee got
hurt worse than you guys.

- I ain't never been
in no fight like this.

Every place on me
hurts except for my face.

- Have a good hot shower

And you'll both
be as good as new.

- Yeah.

- Listen, kid, the other day
I saw that you had spunk

And today I saw that you
also have common sense.

I could use a kid
like you around here.

- You're gonna give me a job?

- Yeah.
- When do I start?

- As soon as the
swelling goes down.

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome
back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ We always could
spot a friend ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ And I smile when I think
how it must have been ♪

♪ And I know what a
scene you were turning in ♪

♪ Was there something that
made you come back again ♪

♪ What could ever lead ya ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪