01x13 - Mini Golf

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Upside Down Show". Aired: October 13 – November 13, 2006.
Shane and David use an imaginary remote control to journey to places they've never been to before.
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01x13 - Mini Golf

Post by bunniefuu »

Angry, hungry pelican pose.



That's it.


I need an armchair pose.


Scuttling, suspicious soft-shell crab pose.

Got it.

Crowded elevator pose.


And relax.

Not that much.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

Shane's just taking me through some of his yoga exercises.

Pose pose.

He loves to relax.

Nose pose.

Hey, while he's doing that,

I think I might show you [whoosh] the remote.

Don't show them the remote.

I won't be able to relax.

Yes, you will, Shane.

Relax, relax.

Everything will be okay.

I suppose pose.

Say you want something to go backwards.

You just h*t the Rewind button.

Doze pose.


[talks backwards]


If you want something to go really, really fast,

you h*t the Fast Forward button.


[talks fast]



Ooh, haven't seen that button before.


[fiddle music]

I wonder what it d--

You pressed the Irish Dancing button.

The Irish Dancing button?


If I could use my arms, I'd--

I'll press the Stop Irish Dancing button.


Sorry, sorry.

Would you like to try?

Thought you might.

There you go.

Got it?


Now just h*t Play.

Oh, but whatever you do, don't h*t the Irish Dancing button.

[fiddle music]

That was the one.


Please press the Stop Irish Dancing button.

[music stops]

[together] Thank you.

Just press Play.

On your remote.


[man] Down upside!

Oh, sorry.

The Upside Down Show!


[drum b*at]

[quirky music]



Knit one, purl two.

Pearl two, emerald one.

Knit two, Pearl Jam.

Oh, hello.


How are you?

We've just been knitting the emperor some new pajamas.

Oh. [groans]

Get off the--


It's all right.

Just let me finish them off.


Here we go.

Oh, they'll work a treat.

And the zipper.



Thank you.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to jump rope.

Excellent idea, Shane.

I think I'm going to practice my cowboy rope tricks.


All right.

Where's my rope?

Where's my rope?

Here it is.

Oh, here it is.

Hey, rope.


[both yell]

Oh, hey, thanks for finding my rope, Shane.

No problem.

Thanks for finding my rope, David.

Ah, ah, Shane.

Thanks for finding my rope.

Yes, thanks for finding my rope.

Thanks for finding my-y-y-y rope.

[bl*ws] Whoo.

Into the loop, out of the loop.

Into the loop, out of the loop.

He's good.

Thank you.

Out of the loop, into the loop.

Into the loop-- hey!

Whoa, no, that's around my legs, man.

You got me around--


Thank you very much, Shane.

Thanks for the rope.

Please give me my--

Could you just--

What are you--

[both grunting]

My name is Puppet.

I live in Alaska.


I'm okay.

Sorry, Puppet.

That's okay.

I think I'll go play with my squeegee.

Shane, just--

Give me my--

Could you make the sound of a telephone, like [beeps],

so you can distract Shane?

[phone ringing]

Thank you.

Oh, Shane, that's the phone.

You better go and answer it.


Can you make the sound of a doorbell, you know, ding dong,

to distract David?

[doorbell rings]

Oh, David?


Is that the door?

What about it?

Well, answer it.

Okay, I've got to go answer the door.

And I'll answer the phone.

I'll answer the door.

And I'll answer the phone.

Let me answer the door.

Okay, you can answer the door.




Nice rope trick.

Uh, thanks.

It's a new one.

[high-pitched whistle]

What's that sound?


I'm listening to the whistling sound.


[David] Here it comes.


What's that?

I don't know.

Neither do I.

I'm baffled.

No, you're Shane.

When did you change your name?

No, no, no, baffled means I'm confused.

I don't know what it is.

Great, can I be baffled too?


Oh, let's be baffled.

Hey, do you want to be baffled?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Oh, you're baffled.




What do you think?

Well, it's round.

And it fell from the sky.

[together] It's round, and it fell from the sky.

It's a planet.

I've got a planet of my very own.

I shall feed it and brush it

and maybe revolve it around a few things.

Oh, you can't keep it, David.

Oh, yes, I can.

Leave me alone.

I shall--I shall--I shall-- I shall walk it twice a day.

I shall--I shall maybe build a little planetary bed for it,

anything its little planetary heart desires.

No, David, no.

A planet belongs in space, where it can roam and roam free.

Okay, Shane.

Let's take it back to space.

Good idea.


Can you press the Blast Off button on your remote?


Yeah, yeah, yeah, here we go.

[fiddle music]

No, that's the Irish Dancing button.

Please press the Stop Irish Dancing button.


[both panting]

[together] Thank you.

Now please press the Blast Off button.

It's the big red one.

[man] Ten.







[whispering] Five...seven, six, five...



Are you at one?

Oh, four...

Three, two, one?Three, two, one?

Three, two, one, blast off.

[engine roars]

[both yelling]

[hooting and laughing]

We're floating in space.

How can you tell?

Well, look at all this space.

I think I see our living room.

Did you leave the lights on?




You're home, little planet.

Be free.



Excuse me.

[both yell]

But that's not a planet, man.

[David and Shane] It's not?

No, planets are really big.

That thing's small.

Even the smallest planet's bigger than that thing is.

Well, what is it?

I don't know, man.

I'm baffled.

Well, that makes three of us.

See you later.


Well, if this isn't a planet,

we'd better find out what it is.

Would you please press the Back to Earth button?

[both yell]


I dropped the round, non-planet thingy.


I dropped the round, non-planet thingy.

Do you have it?

No, I don't have it.

Round, non-planet thingy?

Round, non-planet thingy?

Oh, there you are, round, non-planet thingy.

Why would--whoa.



What is it--why--


Oh, I think your pet Fido has hold

of the round, non-planet thingy.

Fido, Fido, land.


Now, I know it's fun.

Just give me the thingy.


All right, just hand over the thingy.


What did he do with it?

He just put it in the pocket of his tennis shorts.

Could you please get it back?


Just hold still.


Yes, I know it tickles.

Just let me just find the thingy.

If I could just--ah.


What does he need keys for to play tennis?

Well, it's for his locker.

Fair enough.

If I could just get to the--ah!

Oh, now, seriously, what does he need a calculator for?

Well, he's a high scorer.

He's good.


One more time.

Feel around in the--

Ah. [laughs]

[both] Thank you, Fido.



Okay, let's try and work out what this thingy is.

Well, I'm still baffled.

[whispering] That means confused.

What have we got so far?

Well, so far, we've got, it's round.

It's round.

It's orange.

It's--it's what?

It's orange.

Are you sure?

Yeah, look at it.

[gasps] Shane.


It's orange.

What? It's orange.

It's orange. Look at it.

You're right, David, it's orange.

What's round and orange?

Oh, an orange.

An orange.

[making quirky noises]

Okay, so where does an orange belong?

[together] With the oranges.

Well, let's find the oranges.




Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Albanian monkey shoes.

No, I was--I was thinking that this looks like a job for--

[both make springy noise] Action Fingers.


Come on, Knuckles, let's find those oranges.

Right with you, Pointy.



[both groan]

Toss me the rope.

There you go.



Activate action noses.


I found the oranges.

They're right through this door.

Looks like our work here is done, Knuckles.

Let's go, Pointy.


Thanks, action fingers.

Did you know they had action noses?

I had nose idea.

Let's get you with your orange friends.

To the oranges.

[loud music]

[man] Shane? David?

Don't forget to knock.

Come in.

Oh, look, little orange, you're home.

Yes, it's time to say good-bye to the orange

and put him back in his tree.

I know you were close.

[choking up] Well, good-bye, little round non-planet thingy

that turned out to be an orange.

Can you believe?

I'll never forget you, you little--

So long.

Here we go.


No, you're not doing it right.

Let me try.


Almost, oh, nearly.

That's, oh, so close.


We could use this stepladder.

Of course, a ladder.



Here we go.

Oh, no.

We're not using it the right way.

Why don't we--

[both gasp]

This orange will never get back in the tree.

Oh, that's not an orange.

[together] It's not?

Of course not.

Look how small it is.

If it were an orange, it would be bigger,

and you could peel it.

Shane, can you peel that?

Sure, I--I can--if I could get my thumb--

Get your nail in there.

Come on, Shane.

Come on.

Come on, Shane.

Come on.

I can't peel the orange.

Then it's not an orange,

which, by the way,

is a juicy, healthy, and extremely delicious fruit.

[all] Why not pick some up today?

Well, looks like we're in the wrong place.

Bye, boys.

As for you, oranges, with your natural Vitamin C,

so good for the small intestine...

Could you please press the Rewind button,

so Shane and I can get home?

[talking backwards]


You got it?

A Schmuzzie.

It's okay, Shane.

I'll help you out here, buddy.

No, no.

I can do this.

You can do this.

It's time.

I believe in you.


Okay, little fella.

If you can just give me the--

Ah, another Schmuzzie.

Shane, I'm right here.

Come on.

Focus, Shane, focus.

Come on now.

Just give me the thing--

Give me the thingy.


Just hand it over.

[speaking Schmuzzish]

No, that's not funny.


Give it to me.

Give it to me.

Try "please."


Por favor?

S'il vous plait?

[speaking foreign languages]

Try "schmease."


Thank you.

Ah, schmank you, schmank you.

Schmank you?

Hmm, schmank you.

How do you do that?

Oh, it's a complex language.

I spent seven years studying Schmuzzish...


In the end, I just put schmoo and schmoo together.

And you got schmoo schmoo.



So what do we know about this?

Okay, it's round.

It's orange.

It's not a planet.

And Schmuzzies like to play games with it.


Maybe it's used to play some sort of game.

Well, what game uses a round, orange object?

[together] Basketball.


We should go to the basketball room.

We don't have a basketball room.

Of course we have a basketball room.

No, we don't.

Can't you hear that?

What, I don't hear anything.

Could you please press the Volume button on your remote?


That's the Upside Down button.

Yeah, please press the Right Side Up button.


[together] ♪ Thank you.

Now just turn the volume up.


Tmp, tmp, tmp, a basketball.

Course it is.

Tmp, tmp, tmp.

thump! thump!

[man] Come in.

[quirky music]

[yelling and laughing]

Dribble it, dribble it, dribble it.

Dribble it, okay.

That's not how you dribble it.

Are you sure?

This is how you dribble a basketball.


And it--

What's wrong with this basketball?

What's wrong with you, basketball?

This is your home.

It's your home.

Come on.

You're too good for your home?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.


That's not a basketball.

This isn't a basketball?

How do you know?

Because a basketball has to be bigger.

So this is a basketball.

Yeah, I'll show you.


[upbeat music]

Whoa, great job.

That was fantastic.

I'd like to see that again.

Yeah, could you press the Instant Replay button

on your remote?

[Shane] And she comes in dribbling.

[David] She's dribbling, yes.

[Shane] Great form.

Takes the sh*t.


It's a case of total basket.

[David] Total basket, yes.


[both make quirky noises]

Thank you.

Thank you.

And thank you.

It's okay. Bye.

See you.Bye.

What a dribbler.

Okay, so it's not a basketball.

It's not a planet.

And it certainly isn't an orange.

What is it?

I don't know.

Do you have any idea?

I'm baffled.

You're not alone, brother.

You're not alone.

Could you please press the Slam Dunk button

to get us out of here?

[quirky music]

He scored with a double slam.

All right, so where's the round, orange, non-planet thingy

that is neither an orange nor a basketball?

I thought you had it.

I thought you had it.

I thought you had it.

I thought you had it.

I thought you had it.

I thought you had it.

I thought you had it.

[both talking super fast]


Let's look for it.


[Puppet] Alas, poor Yorick,

a man of infinite jest and wisdom.

Puppet, Puppet, have you seen, by any chance--

I can't talk right now, David.

I'm rehearsing my big scene with Yorick.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I'll wait back here, wait till you finish.

To sleep, Yorick, perchance to dream--

Hey, Puppet, have you seen--

No, Shane, he's working on a scene with Yorick.


I hire these costumes by the hour, you know.

[together] Sorry.

Give me thy hand, Yorick.

'Tis late, Yorick.


Is he finished?



Good night, Yorick.

Good night.

Good night.

[whispers] Good night.



I'm finished.


Now, what was it you wanted?

Oh, we were wondering if you've seen

a round, orange non-planet thingy

that is neither an orange nor a basketball.

A round, orange non-planet thingy

that's neither an orange nor a basketball, hmm.

That's right; it looks a bit like Yorick.

Well, you mean this mini golf golf ball?

[both gasping]

Just a second.


This is the round, orange non-planet thingy

that is neither an orange nor a basketball.

Wait a minute.

It could be an actor pretending to be a mini golf golf ball.

Your agent called.

No, it's not an actor.

No, it's a mini golf golf ball.

And a mini golf golf ball

belongs on a mini golf golf course.

Well, we've got to get it there.

Let's go.

[frantic music]



[man] Come in.

Shane and David arrive at the mini golf course

for the very first time

and discover where the round non-planet thingy

which is neither an orange nor a basketball

but is a mini golf ball belongs: in the hole.

But you can't just drop it in.

You need to use a club.

[both yell]

David and Shane select the perfect club.

That's not a microphone, fellas.


Not the teeny, tiny club.

Ah, those clubs look just right.

Who's going to take the first sh*t?

Ah, Shane.

Keep your eye on the ball, Shane.

Pay not attention to the scary cat and his scary friend, Shane.

[cat yowls]

Not so fast, fellas.

Mrs. Foil was here first.

At last, they're at the final hole.

The mini golf ball is almost home.

Yes, yes, they're over the hill.


Come on, boys.

One, two, three.

Oh, this time they're really over the hill.

The ball is so close to its home.

One more sh*t.

Maybe one more.

Or two.

Or three.

The ball is so close to the hole.

It couldn't be any closer without being in the hole.


At last, a hole in .

Congratulations, fellas.

You put the ball back where it belongs.

Please press the Home button.

[fiddle music]

Oh, that's the Irish Dancing button.

Ha, ha, ha.

[with Irish accent] Well, thank you very much

for helping us find a home for the golf ball.

Hi, hi, thank you very much.

To thank you, I'd like to give you a mini golf club.

It's all yours.

And don't forget the golf ball.

You got it?


And you know what I'd like to give you?

A mini basketball.

[makes dribbling noises]


And the Schmuzzies wanted me to give you the--oh, there we go.

Look, mini baseball bat.

Look, it's so puny.

There we go. Got it?


And you know what?

The action fingers wanted to give you these,

mini ice skates.

You can use them with your own action fingers.

And Shane's pet fly, Fido, wanted me to give you

his own mini tennis racket.

There we go.

[both grunting]

Take a swing, man.


Okay, here we go.

Any instructions, Fido?



Have fun.

Enjoy all of your games.

By the way, here's Minnie Mouse.

Here's a mini driver.

Mini ha-ha.

Mini skirt.

Ooh, mini miner.

Mini major.

Minnie the Moocher.

Mini mini.

What's a mini mini?

It's even smaller than a mini.
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