(train whistle blows twice)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows twice)
Yahoo!
(bell rings)
I'm home.
Thanks, I'd never have known.
I could've made
it up the hill faster,
but I was handicapped
by not wearing track shoes.
I was handicapped
by the rise and fall
of the Roman Empire.
Well, I'm sure glad one member
of the family's a student.
Well, she cheats... she studies.
And how are you
doing, young lady?
Well, I'll admit I'm
not doing so well
in my minor subjects,
but I'm leading my
class in basketball,
gymnastics and ice hockey.
Oh, great, those are words
to warm a mother's heart.
All right, girls, start moving.
Get out of the school clothes.
There's work to be done.
Hey, dream girl.
Junior Hocker said
to give you a message.
Is that creep breaking
our date tonight?
No, that creep says
he'll be here at 8:00,
and he's taking you
to the dance in Pixley.
Oh, that's nice.
He's sweet.
Yeah, a sweet creep.
He also says he
hopes you got him
a real cute girl for his friend.
Oh, my gosh, I forgot.
What about your
sister, Bobbie Jo?
Oh, come on, Mom.
Now, help me find a
cute girl for his friend.
I just did.
What about your sister?
What's wrong with her?
Well, nothing, she
just isn't the type.
Uh, j-just a minute, young
lady, explain yourself.
What do you mean,
she isn't the type?
Bobbie's a lovely girl.
But Junior's friend wants
to spend the evening
with a girl that will be fun, not
with a walking encyclopedia.
Well, tell me, does everybody
think that way about her?
Everybody.
Bobbie Jo is a
mighty smart girl,
but there's nothing smart about
driving boys away from you.
Well, I'd never do it.
I know, dear.
Billie Jo, you want
to take your sister
on that date tonight.
No, Mom, I don't
want to take her
on that date tonight.
Well, let me put it another way.
You want to take her
because it's the kind
and helpful thing to do,
because you owe it to her,
and because you'll spend
the next three
weeks in the kitchen
scrubbing pots and
pans if you don't.
I want her to go. Good girl.
And they say that young folks
don't cotton to common
sense when they hear it.
Bobbie Jo?
She won't want to do it.
She'd rather stay home and read.
Horse feathers.
I know that girl like a book.
She won't want to
stay home and read
when she can go out on a date
and have some fun... you'll see.
Yes, Mom?
How would you like to go out
on a date tonight
and have some fun?
No, thanks, I'd rather
stay home and read.
Know her like a book, huh?
I do.
But somewhere along the line,
I must have missed
a couple of chapters.
Good heavens.
Hockey season again?
Oh, Mom, hockey's not dangerous.
Of course not.
Show me your teeth.
I want to remember
them as they are right now.
All right, well, skate
back to the cake batter.
I'm gonna talk to your sister.
You know, Bobbie,
you have a dandy sense of humor.
I have?
(giggling): Oh, sure.
You remember a few
minutes ago when I asked you
if you wanted to go
out on a date tonight?
Yes, I remember.
Yeah, well, who but a
girl with a sense of humor
would've said, "No, I'd
rather stay home and read"?
(both laughing)
I mean, that's very
funny, a real knee-slapper.
(laughs) Great kid.
(both laughing)
Wasn't it?
Bobbie, wasn't it?
You were kidding.
I was afraid of that.
Bobbie, this is
a serious matter,
and we're gonna have to
talk about it like grownups.
All right, Mom. Good.
Now, I've always said that
you are smart as a whip.
I'm not going on that date.
I've also said that you're
stubborn as a mule.
Why won't you?
Well... I'm just not interested
in going with
boys yet, that's all.
But your sister,
Billie, was interested
in boys when she was your age.
Billie was interested in boys
the minute she found
out they weren't girls.
Hockey players should
be seen and not heard.
Back to the ice.
I'm not saying to make
boys your life's work
like Billie, just a
part-time hobby,
so you'll know one
if you trip over him.
Mom, please don't push me.
I'm not pushing.
You remember the things
I've said about parents
who interfere in
their children's lives?
Of course, I remember.
Well, forget them,
I'm interfering.
But, Mom, I... This is one time
when I use my own judgment
to do what I think is right.
You are going on
that date tonight.
All right, Mom.
Right.
But honestly, I-I just don't
feel comfortable with boys.
Oh, you'll be fine, honey.
Getting used to boys is like...
like getting used to rhubarb.
When you first
try it, it's strange,
and then after a while...
well, it-it's still strange,
but by that time, who cares?
You're hooked on rhubarb.
(laughing): Oh, Mom,
you're wonderful.
Hey, hey, Junior.
I'm worried.
Every time I go
out on a blind date,
I get stuck with a dud.
Simmer down, Roger, my boy.
I told Billie Jo to line you up
with a nifty little nugget.
Whenever Junior
Hocker snaps his fingers,
Billie Jo Bradley jumps.
No, it's true.
That kid is nuts about me.
Doesn't even look
at anybody else.
Oh, evening, Mr. Carson.
Howdy, Junior.
See you didn't bring no
candy or flowers for Billie,
like her other boyfriend.
Get with it, boy.
You're liable to slide even
further down on her list.
Billie Jo doesn't even, uh,
look at anybody else, huh?
Well, she doesn't.
She-she-she goes
out with other guys,
she just doesn't look at them.
No postponements. Tonight.
Now, it's going to be easy.
Remember what I
told you about rhubarb?
Come on, let's finish dressing,
'cause the boys are waiting.
Oh, no rush, we have
to keep them waiting
at least a half an hour.
It's the code.
Oh.
Tell me, uh, what code?
The rules of the game, you know,
like always keep a boy guessing
and never let on that
you don't have a date
on a Saturday night,
even if you don't.
And always act cold
and indifferent to a fella,
even if you've
gone ape over him.
That makes sense.
It does?
No, but at the moment,
I'm for peace in the family.
Now, let's see.
(sighs) It's perfect.
One whiff of this is guaranteed
to knock any man off his feet.
(chuckles)
Uh... let's give him two whiffs.
JUNIOR: Betty, look, it is 8:30.
Now, what's
happened to Billie Jo?
Relax, dream lover.
Your waiting period is over.
In exactly 17 seconds,
my devastating sister, Billie,
will appear on the landing,
giggle, flounce down
the stairs and say,
"Oh, dear, Junior,
you're here already.
I do hope I haven't kept
you waiting too long."
It is now grand entrance moment,
minus five, four,
three, two, one... giggle.
(giggling)
Oh, dear, Junior,
you're here already.
I do hope I haven't
kept you waiting too long.
You see, I am not only loveable,
sweet, charming and glamorous,
but I'm also brilliant.
Ta-ta.
(chuckling)
How that child got to be
such a showoff beats me.
She might tie you, but she
ain't never gonna b*at you.
(laughing)
Billie Jo, you look like
a million bucks tonight.
And it's all invested
in the right places.
Thank you, Junior.
Looking very handsome
yourself this evening.
How about introducing
me to your friend?
Oh, yeah, sure, in a minute.
Hey, uh, look, who's this girl
you got him fixed up with?
Oh, Junior, there's something
I'd like to explain.
A dog, huh?
Oh, no, no, a really very
fine, intelligent person.
Oh, boy.
A real schnauzer.
Look, why don't you...
Good evening, all you
charming young people.
Well, what do you think?
Gee, I don't know.
Isn't your mother a
little too old for Roger?
Don't be silly, I mean
my sister, Bobbie Jo.
Miss Iceberg?
You've gotta be kidding... Shh.
Junior, say hello to
my mother and sister.
Good evening. How do you do?
Uh, may I, uh, present
my friend, Roger Budd.
Roger's visiting me
from Wilton Corners.
Roger, this is Mrs.
Bradley and, uh... Hello.
How do you do?
Billie Jo Bradley.
Hi. Hello.
And that's your date,
Bobbie Jo Bradley.
Hello.
Bobbie finally got
a date with a fella.
Great!
(laughing): Isn't he cute?
Uncle Joe's such a clown.
I've always said he
belongs in a circus.
Oh, uh, Uncle Joe, you're
not gonna let Betty Jo
finish the rest of the
pie by herself, are you?
No.
That's not good for
a little girl her age.
She needs help.
Works every time.
So, you're from Wilton Corners.
How exciting.
Tell me, Roger, how
does a big city boy like you
feel about taking out a couple
of small town
city girls like us?
Well, we are getting pretty big.
We've got nearly
4,000 people now and,
well, there's talk about
building a second movie house.
But you'd be a
standout anywhere.
Oh... (giggles)
Junior, you didn't tell me
your friend was so gallant.
He's the gallantest.
Bobbie Jo, I can see the charm
isn't limited to one
member of this family.
I'm sure we'll have
a wonderful evening.
Uh, uh, Roger's
right charming, too,
isn't he, Bobbie?
Isn't he, dear?
Yep, you're right, he sure is.
Why don't, uh...
why don't you two
sit over there and, uh,
and get acquainted?
I know you have
a lot to talk about.
So, talk.
Well, Bobbie, like I said,
I think we'll have a
wonderful evening.
We will? I mean, oh, we will!
I'm sure it'll be wonderful...
the evening, that is.
I mean, evenings are
wonderful, aren't they?
Or, as Byron said of evening,
"It follows the decline of day
as twilight melts
beneath the moon away."
You recognize that, don't you?
Huh? Oh, yeah, that's poetry.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Do you like poetry?
Well... Wasn't it
Chatfield that said
that poetry is the
music of thought?
I wouldn't be surprised.
Well, maybe you like philosophy.
I'm kind of fond
of Aristotle myself.
You know, his
concepts on living,
even in today, is just...
(train whistle blowing)
Saved by the whistle!
I mean, the train.
I mean, the train's here.
Come on, kids, the
Cannonball's taking us
to the dance in Pixley.
Good, good.
Oh, Mom, you saw
me trying to talk to him.
I was hopeless.
I'll never make it.
You will, honey.
Think rhubarb.
Come on, Bobbie,
we're gonna be late
for the dance. Come on.
Bye, Billie.
Bye, Mom. Bye, Bobbie.
Bye, Mom. Bye, Junior.
Bye, rhubarb... Roger.
Have a good time!
Please.
(snoring)
What? What? What?
Oh, it's you.
I'm sorry, Uncle Joe.
I didn't mean to wake you.
Well, I wasn't sleepin'.
I'm just sittin' here doing
a lot of heavy thinkin'.
Sounded like you were snoring.
That wasn't snorin'.
Just heavy breathin' to
go with my heavy thinkin'.
Isn't past your bedtime?
Mom's been pacing
back and forth in her room.
I couldn't sleep
listening to her.
I think she's worried about
how Bobbie Jo's getting
along on her date tonight.
Girl gets to certain
age she is a worry.
Your mother could have
saved herself a lot of trouble
if she had took my advice.
What was that?
Have boys.
Betty Jo Bradley.
What are you doing down here
at this time of night?
You go on upstairs
and go to sleep.
Okay, Mom.
With you down here maybe I can.
Put on an extra blanket;
the nights are
getting chilly. Okay.
'Night, Mom. Love you.
I think I'll be turnin' in, too.
How about you? No.
I'm gonna wait up for the kids.
The Cannonball won't be back
for a couple of
hours. Yeah, I know,
but I'm kind of fretting
about Bobbie Jo.
I couldn't sleep anyhow.
Kate, I feel for you.
Bringing up three
girls all by yourself
ain't easy.
Wish I could do
more to help you.
Well, you're a great help to me.
Just being here.
Good night.
Hi, Mom. Bobbie Jo!
Where'd you come from?
Where are the others?
Leif Telfer gave me a ride
in his milk truck
as far as Bakers Hill
and I walked from there. Well...
where's Billie Jo and the boys?
Still at the dance in Pixley.
I didn't feel well
and I didn't want
to wait for the train.
Good night, Mom.
Whoa, girl, whoa.
Don't wave a carrot in
front of a donkey's nose
and then yank it away.
What happened?
Nothing. I-I had a headache
and I didn't want to
break up the party,
so I excused myself and
sent back a note to explain.
Now can I go to bed?
Oh, sure. Good night, Mom.
Good night, quitter.
What do you mean quitter?
I'll bet I could tell you
exactly what happened.
Your sister Billie Jo was
her usual fascinating self.
And Junior and Roger were
fallin' all over one another
to make a hit with her,
while you sat like a
bump on a log, am I right?
Mom, I can't fight Billie Jo.
When it comes to boys, well...
she's just got it.
She hasn't got
anything you haven't got.
She just uses hers better.
Oh, Mom.
You should see the way
she carries on over boys.
It's ridiculous.
Like what for instance?
Well, when my date
asked her to dance
she took hold of his
arm and she said,
(mimicking Billie Jo):
"Oh, Roger, those muscles.
Where did you ever get them?"
(laughing like Billie Jo)
(giggles)
Did Roger like it?
Did he ever.
Then it wasn't so
ridiculous, was it?
But, Mom, I felt Roger's arm.
Wasn't that great.
Honey, there isn't a
man, woman, or child
who doesn't love
to be flattered.
And when a boy hears
it from a pretty girl,
well, it's what I
mean by rhubarb
with sugar on it.
But, Mom, Roger was my date.
Now, why did Billie
have to go for him?
Oh, baby.
Billie Jo wasn't going for him.
When she sees a boy, any boy,
she just automatically
says what he wants to hear.
It's in her nature.
She-she was weaned on rhubarb.
I wish I'd been then.
Roger was nice
and kind of different.
(sighs)
I liked him.
Enough to take some
advice from your mother,
if she guarantees results?
Oh, yes, Mom. Attagirl.
Honey, you tasted rhubarb.
Now, I'm gonna show
you how to really enjoy it.
Oh. Come on.
Hey, Mom!
Here's the information
you told me to get.
After school today I
nosed around town.
Herbie Bates
reported... Shh-shh-shh.
Where's your sister Billie Jo?
Upstairs getting
ready for a beauty bath.
What else? Oh.
Okay, proceed with the report.
Right, Chief.
Secret Agent X3 returning
from assignment L29... Just...
just the report.
Oh, okay.
Herbie Bates says
he's crazy about Billie
because she wrinkles
up her nose so cute
and because she
makes him feel so strong
and masculine.
Okay, next. Wilbur Hodgkins
says he flips for Billie
because she walks so cute.
And because she
makes him feel so strong
and masculine. Next.
Tad Perkins says he likes her
because she dresses so cute.
And because she... She
makes him feel so strong
and masculine. Uh-huh.
I just wanted to see
if things had changed
since I was a
girl; they haven't.
The thing we have
to do is to get Bobbie
to b*at Billie at her own game.
Gee, Mom, do
you think that's fair?
I mean, taking sides
like this against Billie.
Well, honey,
that isn't the point.
You see,
we're going to...
Mom, do you know
what happened to those six
new movie magazines
I brought home?
Well, yes, dear.
They're-they're in
your top of your drawer.
Why do you need
all six of them? Sure.
It's gonna be a long bath. Oh.
Billie. Yes, Mom?
Uh, your date Friday
night was with Junior.
Why did you make such a big play
for his friend Roger?
Oh, well, I thought
Roger was cute.
I liked him.
But he was your sister's date.
Mom, you just don't understand.
Why, a girl never
passes up a chance
to get a cute
fella to go for her.
Why, it simply isn't done.
It's, well, it's
against the code.
And you couldn't break a rule?
Not even for your sister?
You love her, don't you?
Well, of course I do.
But what's that
got to do with it?
Nothing, I'm afraid.
Go take your bath, dear.
And, uh, look in the
medicine cabinet.
I got you some of that
sweet-smelling soap you like.
Gee, thanks, Mom.
You're wonderful.
But there's sure a lot about
life that you don't know.
Ain't it the truth.
Any questions?
Just one.
How come she's so drippy?
Oh, she is not drippy.
Billie is a sweet,
wonderful, generous girl.
You know that.
But I must admit
when it comes to boys
she's a little, um... Drippy?
That's the word. Drippy!
A brand-new me?
I don't get it, Mom.
You will!
I wrote it all down for us.
We're gonna work on your walk,
the way you dress,
how to wrinkle your nose,
and how to flatter the boys
to make them feel
strong and masculine.
So let's get started.
Now, Mom, I don't know.
You want to get Roger?
Let's get started.
And now let's try
the flattery again.
And this time add
the nose wrinkle.
Now I'm the boy.
Go! (clears throat)
Oh, Clarence,
what an adorable thing to say.
Uh-uh.
You-you see,
you're-you're trying
to catch a man
not a rabbit.
Now let's try it once more
and this time smile
and sound like you mean it.
Go!
Oh, Clarence,
what an adorable thing to say.
Well, the-the
flattery's getting better.
Maybe you're not a
natural born nose wrinkler.
(door closes)
There's only one
sure way to find out.
Here comes Mr. Blake.
Get him to stay for lunch.
We're having fish.
Rhubarb.
Let me have my
bill. I'm checkin' out.
Aren't you staying
for lunch, Mr. Blake?
No. I know what you're serving.
Fish. And I hate it.
Oh, Mr. Blake, you
say the cutest things.
Huh?
Stay and try it.
For me.
How am I gonna have the fish,
with lemon or butter?
A man's eye is caught
by the clothes you wear.
Now, which of these dresses
do you think'll do
the most for you?
Well, not this one, Mom.
It's too drab. Right. Forget it.
And this one's
too little girlish.
Right. Forget it.
This one's too old-fashioned.
Right. Forget it.
And this one's too tight.
Wrong. Wear it.
Hey, Mom, would it be
all right if I... Shh-shh-shh.
Bobbie Jo is taking
her good listener test.
Good listener test?
A surefire way
to make a man feel
strong and masculine
is to listen to
every word he says
like it was awful important.
She's been listening
for ten minutes
without blinking.
Now she can take on anybody.
It's your move.
Just a minute, Uncle Joe.
Here come those two salesmen.
Bobbie's walking test.
What in tarnation's
a walking test?
(whispering): Watch.
Bobbie's almost ready.
Are Roger and Junior
here yet? Not yet.
How does she look? Sensational.
Scared but sensational.
Ha, don't blame her.
But why?
After all the training
you've given her,
and look how she
passed every test.
Honey,
lots of horses look fine
running in the county fair,
but Roger's comin'.
This is the Kentucky Derby.
Mom, you must be
some kind of magician.
After Roger's last
date with Bobbie
I'd have bet you couldn't
drag him here in a net.
Yeah, I admit it
took a little doing.
What did you do?
What did you do?
What she did was say
she had a real cute girl
for you. Yeah, but who?
I keep tellin' you I don't know.
I ran into Mrs. Bradley at
the General Store yesterday
and she said, "Junior,
come over tomorrow night
"and bring your
friend Roger with you.
I got a brand-new
girl for him, real cute."
Then she disappeared
by the sweet potatoes.
Well, whoever
she is she's a cinch
to be better than
Bobbie Jo. Oh, boy, yeah.
Strictly loserville.
Oh, good evening, boys.
You're right on time.
Come on down, dear,
the boys are here.
Roger, I know you're
gonna like this girl.
She's awful cute. Mmm.
Hey, uh, who is she, Mrs. B?
That's Bobbie Jo.
Mrs. B, you said
a brand-new girl.
Well... Hello there, Roger.
My, you look dashing tonight.
How is Wilton Corners'
handsomest boy?
(stammering)
Real great, Bobbie Jo.
Yeah, real great.
Oh, real great.
My, what an
adorable thing to say.
Yeah, she is a brand-new girl!
Oh, listen,
we don't we go
into the dining room,
and we can munch
on some cookies,
and we can turn on the
phonograph and dance.
Ooh, Junior!
Those muscles, where
did you ever get them?
Me? Mm-hmm.
Gosh, Bobbie, I-I don't have...
Well, gosh. (giggles)
Tell me, Betty Jo,
do you think the rain
will hurt the rhubarb?
My, what an
adorable thing to say.
(theme song playing)
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪