02x06 - Manhappiness

[bunniefuu]

(QUIET NEWS CHATTER)

(PHONE DINGS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS) God.

- (SIGHS) f*ck!
- (PHONE RINGING)

God...

- (SIGHS) Yes?
- TRICIA (ON PHONE): Hey.

Um, are you at work?

No, I called in sick.

- Are you sick?
- SAM (ON PHONE): No.

Okay, good 'cause I need you.
I need your help really badly.

I'm, like, completely overwhelmed...

- Tricia, I can't right now. I'm kinda busy.
- TRICIA: Please, Sam, please.

I mean, really, seriously, please.

- (LOUD MARCHING BAND MUSIC)
- Jesus! Oh, f*ck!

Sam, I'm sorry! But you have no idea...

No, no, it's not you.

("K-STATE FIGHT SONG" PLAYING LOUDLY)

(SAM SIGHS)

I-I'll be there in a
little bit, alright?

Thanks. Cool, see ya.

(SIGHS)

(INHALE, RAGGED EXHALE)

(LIGHT THEME SONG PLAYING)

(QUIET STREET NOISE)

Hey! There she is!

Jesus Christ, Fred,
you scared me to death.

- Is it a game day or something?
- No. I'm just checkin' in.

You know, I talked to Lou, and
he said you're the only person

- that hasn't picked up their jacket.
- Oh f*ck. Uh, you know what?

I'm gonna go by and get that today.

Did you bring out the
Growler just to ask me that?

No, I just had to fill up the t*nk,

you know what I'm sayin'?
Am I gonna see you tonight?

'Cause you're not
responding to my texts.

- I texted you like times.
- Well,

I don't know, Fred. I'm just gonna...

be a black cloud. You
don't want me there.

- Ah, come on. You know I want you there, Sam.
- Mm...

It's just Joel and I
still aren't talking,

- and I-I don't want it to be like a whole thing.
- Alright, alright.

Y-You and I are still talkin', right?

- Yeah.
- Come on,

Sam, look what you're gonna miss.

Isn't this beautiful?

I went all out. I decked
it out, it's gorgeous.

- You gotta see inside. Come on. Come on!
- SAM: Okay.

- Alright. Let's take a look.
- FRED: Purple paradise!

- Look at this.
- Wow!

We got cheese balls. We got koozies.

- Check that out. Look at that.
- SAM: Oh yeah. That's great.

And check this out. We had these made.

- Wow! (LAUGHS)
- Yeah.

You're gonna have to fend off
all the heartbroken ladies for me.

- It would be my great honor.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, come on, Sammy.

It's not gonna be the same without ya.

Yeah, you know what?
You guys rage without me.

And then, how about tomorrow,

I could take you for an all-you-can-eat

- ice cream experience.
- Mm...

You get whatever you want,

and you can tell me
all about what I missed.

Mm, well, uh, I don't wanna force you

to have the time of your life, Sammy.

But do you like ice cream?

I don't like ice
cream. I love ice cream!

- See?
- But you gotta take me to Call Hall

because it goes right
from the udder to the cone.

- That sounds fresh.
- It's a metaphor, but you know what I'm sayin'.

- I think I get it.
- But it's so good.

And you gotta wear one of these.

- Well, what does it say?
- Yeah! Open it.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I'm the stud. When you wear
it, I gotta be on that side.

- Alright. f*ck yeah. Let's do it! Yes!
- Okay? Alright!

♪ ♪

BRAD: Those are great. They're perfect.

(QUIET CHATTER)

JOEL: They're a little pale.

Well, maybe do 'em on this
side a little bit more.

- (LAUGHS)
- There you go. Look it.

(WHISPERS): Belinda's gonna yell at me.

She's outta control today.

(LAUGHING)

Ugh. Maybe I shouldn't
have even sent this.

Oh, I'm sure it's fine.

She probably didn't even see it yet.

No, she read it minutes ago.

Okay. Well, what did you say?

I told her how many
steps I got yesterday.

Okay...

And how did you want
her to respond to that?

I don't know. I guess the
way she always responds?

I mean...

It's a big change for both of you in...

in different ways.

Yeah.

And I sent her a text about my steps.

- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, my God! Brad,

- I'm a complete and total ding-dong!
- No!

No, you are not a ding-dong.

You'll see her tonight,
and you'll talk it out.

Listen, it might take some time,

but it's gonna be okay.

Brad, we got a request
for a great white shark

and three little piggies.

Okay, I-I'll get right on it, Belinda.

(SIGHS)

(SOFT LAUGH)

Did you see how she came at me?

(LAUGHS)

(ENGINE CRANKING)

(ENGINE CRANKING)

(SIGHS)

♪ ♪

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOOR BELL DINGS)

Oh, thank God! I thought
you changed your mind.

Uh, I rode my bike.

What is that?

I picked up my jacket
for Fred's wedding.

W-w-wait. So, why are
you riding your bike?

Did the truck break down again?

No. No, it just wouldn't start.

Sam, that thing is on its
last leg. I keep telling you.

When did Holly get it? Like ' ?

(SNIFFS) Yep.

- It's, like, years old!
- Okay.

Okay, just gimme a second here.

- What?
- This is a lot of c**t.

" % c**t mode." Yes.

"c**t, please." "Big and juicy c**t."

I mean, I can't... Oh!
Oh, okay. This is cute.

"Knock, knock. Who's there?

You. You're still a c**t."
Did you make this one for me?

No. Just made it.

Wow.

"c**t Supreme." "Live, laugh, c**t."

- Aw, that's cute.
- I mean, just stop saying it, please.

- What? c**t?
- Yeah.

Twat? I c**t hear you.

My d*ck-tor says I have
an ear in-f*ck-tion,

and I need to take some penis-illin.

Are you done?

I c**t be sure.

(SIGHS) Okay.

Alright. What can I help you with?

Just, you're on shipping. Just
start putting those boxes together.

Here's the tape, and there's, like,

three more bags of these
peanuts in the garage.

I have all the packing
slips in the other room,

and I think I want some wine.

- Do you want some wine?
- I'd like some wine, yes.

- This is gonna be a lot of fun.
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

SAM: Oh, you do the peanuts first.

- TRICIA: Mm-hmm... (INTERRUPTING GIBBERISH)
- And then...

- Put more peanuts.
- (MUTTERS)

More peanuts.

And then, thank you card.

- Thank you card. Yeah. Alright.
- Done.

I got it. You can do your
invoices and I'll be all set.

Just make it pretty, right?

- That's it. Alright.
- Making it pretty.

- Thanks.
- Yep.

Hey, so, um...

Um, I've just been thinking seriously

about buying a new car, so
you should just take the Jeep.

I mean, I'll never get what it's
worth on the trade-in anyway.

No, I'm gonna... I'm
gonna hold onto the truck.

Okay. I mean...

You know, I just thought...

Yeah, Tricia, it's... We're good, okay?

- Yeah.
- We're good.

(QUIETLY): Okay.

And get the f*cking label...

Get the f*cking tape...

Ooh, f*ck.

Oh no.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

- ("K-STATE FIGHT SONG" BLASTING)
- Oh!

What, you a Jayhawks fan?

Come on! Hop in!

You're my first stop, kid.

(LAUGHS) Gosh.

(SONG BUILDS, ENDS)

- Okay.
- (LAUGHS)

Nuts...

Nuts!

(QUIETLY): Gotta love nuts.

TRICIA: That f*cking c**t!

- What?
- Oh, my God!

- SAM: What?
- Okay, so first,

- I get blackballed at Campbell's.
- Wait, what happened?

Oh, yeah, yeah! Heather
would not sell to me

because of lies that Charity told her.

- Wha...
- Yeah, Charity lied to her!

But don't worry, I set her straight.

I dressed her down in public. I mean,

there was nobody there
but I said everything!

I told her the truth!

The truth! And then, I was at Ballard's,

and I saw f*cking Cece
Coleman, Camp Counselor Cece,

with her f*cking shitty twins,

and she % saw me and
she totally avoided me!

Okay, well, she's always
been a stupid twat.

Well, that's true, but
now, Charity is having

all of her nasty little f*cking friends

leave these cunty little
comments on the Instagram.

Wait, wait, okay, just...
H-How does Charity know

about the Instagram in the first place?

Because I f*cking tagged her!

- You did? I mean...
- Yes! Yes, I did.

- I mean, how am I the bad guy in all of this?
- Okay.

Why? I didn't f*ck her husband!

Well, you tried, but that's okay.

I guess this is what
happens when you try to be

the bigger person, you know?

I guess so.

- Peanuts...
- Wait, just hold up.

Where has your buffer been?

I don't know.

What happened?

Nothing. He's just being an assh*le.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Alright.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Alright. I'm gonna get you some more wine.

Thank you.

Goddammit!

- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CHEERING)

- (HONKING)
- I'm gettin' married!

TIFFANI: Woo-hoo! I got titties!

- Who needs titties?!
- (LAUGHTER)

Freddie!

- Here you go!
- Actually, okay, I'll take 'em.

- (LAUGHTER, CHATTER)
- You.

ALL: Titties! Titties! Titties!

Where's my cruise director? Come on!

(ON PA): Attention, passengers.

Our first stop tonight will
be Finn's downtown. Okay,

stretch your legs. Warm up your pipes.

- TIFFANI: Woo!
- It's karaoke night!

- Let's f*cking go!
- (SCREAMING)

Alright. Everybody outta the pool!

(CHEERING)

- (LAUGHING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)

Hey. You doin' okay?

- Oh, my God. This party is epic!
- (BOTH LAUGH)

Oh, my God! I can't get over Irma!

I know. Nuts.

How are you?

Well, you know, I'm good.
If my friends are happy,

I'm happy. But they're not happy.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that Sam's not here.

Yeah. (SIGHS)

I'm sorry, too, but you know what?

Tonight is just about fun.

- Yes.
- But listen, Joel,

I need you two back together
for the wedding, okay?

Oh, my God, we'll absolutely be there.

I know you'll be there,

but that's not what I'm sayin'.

You copy what I'm sayin', right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

I just...

I don't know what to do

because she won't answer my text.

Look, I'm gonna grab an ice
cream with her tomorrow at Call Hall,

and I'll get into it with her.

But, in the meantime, my buddy,

- gonna buck up... Okay?
- Yes. Yes!

Tomorrow's a new day, but
tonight, we're gonna have fun.

- Come on! Let's go!
- Okay, let's party. Let's f*cking party!

♪ ♪

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

- (SIGHS)
- Are you already done?

Yep. I was born for this sh*t.

- TRICIA: That was fast.
- You need anything else?

- Um, no, I think I'm good. Thanks.
- Great.

Um, so how did the jacket turn out?

Oh, I haven't tried it on yet.

Well, let's try it on.

No, no, no. It's packed up
nice in its bag. I'll do it later.

Come on, I have to make
sure that everything's perfect

for Fred and Susan anyway,
so let's just give it a whirl.

- Oh yeah.
- Yeah! Looks great!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Right, that arm.

Okay.

- Got it?
- Mm-hmm.

Um, I really appreciate you,

- you know, trusting me with your friends.
- Hm.

I didn't do anything. It was all you.

How does it feel?

(SAM CLEARS THROAT)

Something feels a little off.

Mm-hmm. Um...

It's bad, isn't it?

- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- It's so bad!

Sorry. I'm sorry, but it...

There... There's just an issue or two.

I think with the...

- (LAUGHS)
- I don't understand. He spent, like,

minutes on my chest alone.

How could he have gotten it so wrong?

- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Do I look like a linebacker?

I don't wanna look like a linebacker.

- You look linebacker adjacent.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

Those shoulders, it looks like...

What's the dance? The ' s dance that...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh God!

- Okay.
- Um...

- (SIGHS) What are we gonna do?
- Well,

lucky for you, I can sew my face off,

and we're gonna make this work.

- Okay. Can you...
- (SIGHS)

- put my tits in their final resting place?
- (LAUGHS) I can't do...

- I can't help you with that part.
- I mean...

- my tits weren't even here in the ' s.
- (LAUGHS)

(ALL CHEERING)

(DANCE MUSIC BLASTING)

(MUSIC ECHOES, FADES OUT)

- (BICYCLE CLICKING)
- (INSECTS CHIRPING)

(INHALES)

(PHONE DINGS)

- (MUSIC BLASTING)
- Sammy! How are you?

Oh, my God, we are raging.

I miss you! We all miss you so much!

Irma is on a f*cking
rampage! She's going nuts!

Hey, I can't wait... I can't
wait for ice cream tomorrow.

I love you. We love you. sh*t,

I gotta go, I gotta go. Hold on,
I gotta go. Irma! Get down...

(VIDEO STOPS)

(LONG EXHALE)

SAM: Okay, well, you gotta tell me,
what did I miss last night?

Irma was doing body
sh*ts at Rock-A-Belly.

- Oh, that bitch.
- And Larry, in the Grains Department,

was mooning people outta
the back of the Growler.

- (LAUGHING) Oh no!
- Right? I threw my back out.

Tiffani had, like, these blow-up...

Like, it-it... They weren't,
like, two sets of boobs.

They were like blow-up beach
balls that had nipples on 'em.

- I didn't bring 'em! Of course, she did, right?
- (LAUGHING)

Oh, man. It-It was totally crazy.

- We missed you, Sam.
- Oh, my God. Yeah, well,

- sh*t, sounds like a great night.
- Oh, yeah.

And, uh, I did talk to Joel,
a-and, you know, he misses you.

(MOUTHING)

We don't need to talk
about that right now.

Alright. Well, forget
about Joel for a minute.

- Okay. Let's forget about Joel.
- Sammy...

- I miss ya.
- (SIGHS)

You mean a lot to me.

Families aren't easy.

Not even the fun ones, okay?

It just... It takes a lot of work.

You know, you just gotta...

You gotta decide
what's important to you.

(SIGHS)

And I know what's
important to me right now.

What?

I think I'm ready for
another round of ice cream.

- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- I know.

- Alright, well...
- I'm gonna have a minty one.

- What do you want?
- I think I can choke down one more. Maybe a...

butter brickle, butter
pecan. Surprise me.

- Alright! It's on me. I got it.
- Okay, thanks. (LAUGHS)

JOEL: Hey.

Hey, Joel.

What is this?

Is this some kind of
ambush or something?

- No.
- Are you f*cking kidding me?

Hey, I-I'm just as
surprised as you are.

He didn't know. I...

- I didn't.
- (SIGHS) You won't talk to me alone.

I thought maybe you'd talk
to me with Fred around.

Okay, well, I'm here.

- What do you wanna talk about?
- (JOEL LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)

I don't know what to say. (LAUGHS)

I just needed to talk
to you. I-I miss you.

I know it was an assh*le move,

- sending that steps text.
- Yeah, you think?

JOEL: I'm just trying.

I-I lied...

Stop! Stop.

- It was a mistake.
- I'm so...

I'm so mad at you, Joel,

and I don't wanna be,
but I can't help it.

I'm sorry, Sam.

You have a...

a f*cking boyfriend, and you
don't think I can handle it,

so you just don't tell me?

- Sam...
- Do you have any idea

how stupid that makes me feel?!

- I'm sorry.
- Why doesn't anybody think I can handle anything?

I can handle it!

God, first my sister, and now you.

- Wait, what happened with your sister?
- No!

You don't get to know!

God, maybe I wouldn't
have been okay. Okay, fine.

But I thought that we had
the kind of relationship

that if there was something
that was that important to you

that you would want me to know!

That you would wanna share it with me!

But you didn't, did you?!

- We do have that kind of relationship!
- No, you're keeping secrets,

and I don't want secrets!

I just didn't think
you would understand!

Oh, understand what, Joel?

What?!

I do love what we have together, but...

- we can't provide everything for each other!
- Oh, my God!

I don't want you to
be my boyfriend, Joel!

I just don't want you to leave me!

- I'm not going anywhere.
- Oh... (EXHALES)

Well, it can't be the same now.

It's not gonna be the same.

No. I guess not.

So...

Now, we talked, okay? Are you happy?

No. (GASPS)

I'm sorry.

f*ck. f*ck.

f*ck. f*ck!

(DEEP SIGH)

Hey, you okay?

- SAM: No.
- Wanna hug?

(SIGHING) No.

FRED: Alright. I'm
gonna get your ice cream.

Alright.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(BIKE RATTLING)

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

(DOG BARKING)

This.

(DOG BARKING)

(PHONE DINGS)

- (DOG BARKING)
- (GIGGLING)

(SIGHS)

_

(BIKE RATTLING)

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

Hey!

Hey.

You're back?

Yeah. I, uh...

I've been, uh...

I wanted to say
something to you because,

uh, I know my situation
probably doesn't look too good.

Yeah, well, fentanyl's not too good.

I don't know who started that.
I would never sell fentanyl.

I was growing weed in my basement.

Weed?

Well, if I would've known that,

I probably would've said
hello a little bit sooner.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, well, uh...

those days are done.

(SIGHS) Okay, well, then so am I.

I'm just kidding. I've had a...

- a shitty day, so...
- If...

If you want to have a beer
sometime, I'm right there.

We don't have to do
it in some party bus,

if that's not your thing.

- Oh, the Growler? I mean...
- Yeah.

that place is a party on wheels.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Um, yeah. Maybe... maybe sometime.

(BEEPING)

Cool.

- What is that?
- Um...

(BEEPING STOPS)

That's, uh, this.

- Oh, my God. I'm not interested!
- (LAUGHS)

Alright. Well...

it's good to see you back.

Good to see you.

- Don't steal my bike.
- (LAUGHS)

♪ ♪

(CLICKING)

(CLICKING)

DARLENE (ON TAPE): I'm gonna
put one hand on your chest.

- Is that okay?
- SAM (ON TAPE): Uh-huh.

DARLENE: And the other hand here.

- SAM: Mm-hmm.
- DARLENE: Okay?

- Now, close your eyes. Start slow.
- (SAM BREATHES ON TAPE)

Try not to move this hand.

We want the breath to
come from the diaphragm.

Nice deep inhale.

- (DEEP INHALE ON TAPE)
- And...

SAM: Sss...

DARLENE: Yeah, Sam. That's it.

- In through the nose.
- (INHALES ON TAPE)

Out through the mouth.

SAM: Sss...

DARLENE: That's good, Sam.

Just you and your breath.

- (SAM INHALES ON TAPE)
- Deep.

SAM: Sss...

- DARLENE: Deeper this time.
- (STOPS EXHALING)

- (SAM INHALES ON TAPE)
- Yes! (LAUGHS)

- SAM: Sss...
- DARLENE: That's it.

Oh... You have it.

- (EXHALE STOPS)
- Do you feel the difference?

Now, remember this feeling.
Isn't it wonderful?

- It's like the first time you fell...
- (STOPS TAPE)

(SLIDES BENCH)

(SIGHS)

(SOFTLY PLAYING PIANO)

(STOPS PLAYING)

♪ Have yourself ♪

♪ A merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Let your heart ♪

♪ Be light ♪

♪ Next year ♪

♪ All our troubles ♪

♪ Will be out of sight ♪

(SIGHS)

♪ Have yourself ♪

♪ A merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪

♪ From now on ♪

♪ Our troubles will be miles ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ As in olden days ♪

♪ Happy golden days of yore ♪

♪ Faithful friends ♪

♪ Who are dear to us ♪

♪ Gather near to us ♪

♪ Once more ♪

♪ Through the years ♪

♪ We all will be together ♪

(SIGHS)

(SNIFFLES)

- (LIGHT CLICKS)
- (SIGHS)

(HEAVY SIGH)

♪ ♪