02x07 - To Ed

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Somebody Somewhere". Aired: January 16, 2022 to present.*
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A comedy following Sam, a true Kansan who struggles to fit in; dealing with loss her singing is a saving grace and leads her on a journey to discover herself.
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02x07 - To Ed

Post by bunniefuu »

- (ORGAN MUSIC)
- (PLASTIC CRINKLING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(QUIET CHATTER)

(ORGAN PLAYING)

(ORGAN CONTINUES)

(QUIET CHURCH CHATTER)

Hi.

Hi.

(ORGAN STOPS)

Look at how many of us came here

to celebrate a beautiful life.

Darlene would often say,

"Imagine a life without music."

(SOFT LAUGH)

I'm sure many of you would join me

in feeling grateful for that lesson.

As she did with many of her students,

Darlene taught me this song.

So I would like to
invite any fellow students

who would like to, to
rise and join me in singing

"An die Musik" by Franz Schubert.

(CHEERFUL PIANO MELODY)

(PEOPLE SINGING IN GERMAN)

(SINGING IN GERMAN)

(PIANO AND SINGING CONTINUE)

♪ ♪

(SINGING ENDS, PIANO CONTINUES)

(SNIFFLES)

- (SNIFFLES)
- (HUSHED MURMURING)

- That was beautiful.
- Yeah.

- (SNIFFLES)
- (PIANO ENDS)

- Joel, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, too.

- I miss you.
- (SNIFFLES)

I know. (SNIFFLES)

- (BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY)
- (SNIFFLES)

- (QUIET CHATTER)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)

Do you ever think about who's
gonna come to your funeral?

Hm...

Maybe my dad'll come, and then
I'll finally get to meet him.

(LAUGHS) 'Course, I'll be dead.

- But, he showed up.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Uh, how's the song coming?
- Oh, still struggling.

- Yeah.
- (CLEARS THROAT) How about you?

How's your, uh, thing coming together?

Well, I dumped a lot
of ideas on the page,

but I haven't figured out the beginning.

- Or the end, or the middle.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

- Hi.
- Hey.

Uh, well, if you wanted, um,

you know, you could
come over and, later,

and we could help each other
out, work on 'em together.

- Yeah, I would totally love that.
- Great.

You can come over, too, if you want.

Oh, thank you. I have to grade papers.

- Oh. (SOFT LAUGH)
- BRAD: Um,

I'd love for you to come
by some time for dinner.

I roast a beautiful chicken.

Oh, yeah, well,

- everybody loves chicken.
- (SOFT LAUGHTER)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(KNOCKING)

(SNIFFLES)

(SNIFFS)

- Hi.
- (JOEL LAUGHS QUIETLY)

- Come in.
- Thank you.

I brought snacks just in case.

Oh, well, I, um,

- I put some snacks out just in case.
- Aw.

- I learned from the best.
- Is that me?

- Yeah.
- (LAUGHS)

Um, do you want a drink?

I've been working on my teeny 'tinis.

Maybe we should do
our assignments first.

Smart. (LAUGHS)

You know, I was thinking about the key.

Maybe we could transpose it to A.

I love your voice in
A. It sounds so good.

Um... Joel?

(DEEP INHALE)

Um, I'm really sorry.

Oh, no, it's okay. We're all good.

No...

I just wanna... I wanna
try to say something.

I do this... (SIGHS)

I don't know, I make all
these rules for people

and, um...

I set a lot of...

unfair expectations, um...

because I think it keeps me safe.

It doesn't.

Um... I don't wanna do that anymore.

And, um...

And it's your fault.

(LAUGHING)

JOEL: Sam...

- I love you.
- Mm...

JOEL: D-Don't do that face.

- Just listen to me.
- (SIGHS)

I love you.

Thank you.

You know, I think, um...

I think Brad's a really nice guy, Joel.

And I really am happy for you.

I, um...

I am.

Thank you.

(SNIFFLES)

Why'd you shave your legs?

Oh... because I'm
gonna f*ck my neighbor.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

The drug dealer?

(SNIFFLES) Yes.

(BOTH LAUGH)

He's probably really good in bed.

- Oh, I hope so.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

I mean, we'll see, you know?

One thing at a time.

First, I open my heart to you,
and then I open my legs to him.

- I guess that seems like the logical progression.
- (LAUGHS)

So, we'll see, but I
don't... No promises.

First, we gotta go to
this f*cking wedding,

and sing f*ckin' Ave f*ckin' Maria.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

♪ ♪

- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- (COWS MOOING)

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

- (ROOSTER CROWING)
- (BREEZE BLOWING)

- SAM: Morning!
- Hey.

Wow. You must have
started the cr*ck of dawn.

Yeah. Been here since about :.

- A lot to do.
- So...

Wow, what's going on here?
Is this like the Kansas rainbow,

- or is it a...
- No, it's like...

I-It's a love rainbow. It's...

You know, thought it
kinda fit the occasion.

- It's really pretty.
- You like it?

I love it. (SOFT LAUGH)

Oh, I have your jacket.
Are you gonna get ready here

- or somewhere else? Okay.
- No, no. I'm gonna run home.

- Get ready there...
- This one goes down here towards me.

Just so you know,

Joel and I made up.

- You did?
- Yep.

Oh. That's... Wow.

"Wow" what?

Well, I mean, you just don't, you know,

always let people back in once
they've pissed you off, so...

- Well, I did. Okay?
- Yeah.

And he and his boyfriend
are gonna pick me up

and bring me to the wedding, so...

Oh, okay. Yeah. I see.

Huh. And you're okay with that, huh?

Yeah.

Good. I mean, you know,
you're not always...

that great at sharing, so.

- Well, I'm mature now, so.
- Okay. Well, yeah. Look at us.

(SAM LAUGHS)

And, um, what about Holly?

What, are you still mad at her?

I mean, you've forgiven
Joel and me, I think.

- Mm.
- You know, sh-she really was gonna tell you

when she got better. She just...

- Didn't.
- Yeah.

It's cool.

(SIGHS) Chairs or what?

Yeah. So, each... each table gets five.

SAM: Okay.

♪ ♪

(SPOON CLANKS)

(DOOR CREAKS, SHUTS)

- Okay...
- DREW: Hey.

- Wow. You're all dressed up.
- SAM: Oh.

Yeah, I'm going to a wedding.
There's an open bar, so.

Oh, I love an open bar.

Well, I'd say you could come by,
but I don't want any trouble.

- (SAM LAUGHS SOFTLY)
- (SIGHS)

Good call. Have fun.

- (CAR DOOR OPENS)
- Thank you.

I'll be here, sending selfies
to my probation officer.

- BRAD: Hi, Sam.
- Hi.

You look great.

Oh, thank you.

No, no, no. You've got the long legs.

You sit in front. I'll get in the back.

- You sure?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

JOEL: Um...

SAM: What?

- We saw all of that.
- (ALL LAUGH)

- I think you should go for it.
- SAM: Can we just go?

He's gonna think we're
talking about him.

- JOEL: Oh, we are talking about him.
- He is very cute.

Would that be a pound?

- JOEL: Yeah, that'd be a pound.
- Oh, my God.

- (JOEL LAUGHS)
- (CAR STARTS)

(POPS LIPS) Let's get to that wedding.

♪ ♪

(JOEL LAUGHS)

- (GASPS)
- SAM: Hi.

- TRICIA: Hey, how's it going?
- Good.

- Have you met Brad?
- No!

- BRAD: Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Tricia.

- (SIGHS) Hi.
- Hi.

- Well, it looks wonderful.
- It really does.

- Thanks.
- Wanna look around?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Just, you know, just
don't touch anything.

- Okay? Good.
- I won't. (LAUGHS)

- So, is that how you're wearing it?
- Um, yeah.

- Okay, good... Yeah.
- Does it look okay?

- Thank you.
- Oh, good. There's the caterers.

They're so f*cking
late. I'll be right back.

- Uh, do you want some help?
- TRICIA: No, I'm good!

Hi! The seats are just right that way.

♪ ♪

- (INDISTINCT)
- So this should be one brisket, one chicken.

Okay. So, you're gonna take
it in here, go to the right, far back.

- Right corner, right-hand corner.
- Okay.

TIFFANI: Uh, this is my date, Jen.

BRAD: Oh, hi.

- How are you?
- I'm good.

Have you met Irma?

Hi, Irma. I've heard about you.

It's gonna go chicken, brisket,

- biscuits, cornbread, beans!
- CATERER: Mm-hmm.

Lemme make sure that you don't
have anything left back here!

- (PLANTS RUSTLING)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)

Fred?

- Hey.
- FRED: Oh, hey.

You two good?

- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- We're okay.

- Oh, good.
- Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- You sure?

- Yeah.
- SAM: It's not too late to back out.

- No.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

- Did you make her sign a prenup?
- No.

I'm the one that had to sign the prenup.

(ALL LAUGH)

I don't wanna rush you. I
know you're having, like,

- a moment, but it's time.
- Yeah, I know.

- You wanna go?
- Yeah.

- What's the worst that could happen? Let's do it.
- (SIGHS) Alright. Now?

- f*ck yeah, right now.
- Yeah, we're actually gonna go now.

- Come on, you're all dressed up.
- It's so pretty.

- JOEL: It is gorgeous.
- SAM: How about people see that beautiful suit?

JOEL: They get to see it
from the behind. Come on.

- Everybody can see this suit.
- (LAUGHS) That's right.

- JOEL: Stand right over there.
- SAM: Alright, all your friends. Here we go.

- JOEL: Okay? You stand... You just stand...
- I'm gonna grab my music,

- and let's get this sh*t started.
- JOEL: Alright.

FRED: My God. Is she here yet?

(QUIET CHATTER)

- Alright, how do I look?
- Sharp.

- Great.
- I know.

JOEL: You good?

She's late, right?

- Ah.
- JOEL: Turn around.

(DOOR SLIDES OPEN)

(JOEL LAUGHS SOFTLY)

FRED (QUIETLY): Hey.

Oh, my God.

♪ Ave maria ♪

♪ Gratia plena ♪

♪ Maria gratia plena ♪

♪ Maria gratia plena ♪

♪ Ave ♪

(WHISPERS): Hi, baby.

♪ Ave dominus ♪

She looks beautiful.

♪ Dominus tecum ♪

JOEL: When Fred asked me to speak today,

I-I felt so...

terrified. (LAUGHS)

(GUESTS LAUGHING)

You know, we're surrounded
by these beautiful fields.

Last year at this time,
they were filled with corn.

And, this year, they have soybeans.

Fred taught me

that the reason you change those crops

is to keep the soil fertile and rich,

so that it can provide new life

year after year after year.

I know from talking to Fred and Susan,

they're so excited about this journey

that they're taking
together, but I also know that

with any change,

there's fear, apprehension.

Sometimes though, just
like with these crops,

change can bring miraculous growth.

So, Fred and Susan,

here, in this special place

where seeds have been planted,

where hard work has been done,

where there has been grief

and joy, storms, and music,

we promise to hold you

as you go forward.

We promise to do it with
all of our actions, but...

you know it's my job here right
now to say it with words, too.

You are loved.

We love you.

And we love your love.

So now, let's get on with it, right?

- The main event!
- (GUEST CHUCKLING)

Fred and Susan...

- (PARTY CHATTER)
- Oh, I could add that to my bracelet from the...

- Do you have a charm bracelet?
- Yes, from the Vatican.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

TIFFANI (ON MICROPHONE): What's
going on, everybody? Welcome!


- (GUESTS CHEERING)
- Yeah, we having a good time tonight? Let's go!


(APPLAUSE)

Before we get down to it,

it is my honor to
introduce the newlyweds,


Fred and Susan!

- (KANSAS STATE FIGHT SONG PLAYING)
- (CHEERING)

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you!

Hey, baby!

(INAUDIBLE)

- Come on, baby.
- (INDISTINCT)

(RAUCOUS CHEERING)

Ah, one more.

- Hey! Thank you, thank you, Tiffani.
- (SONG, CHEERING ENDS)

Oh, we are so
overwhelmed by all of this.


Thank you. We love you all.

And we wanted to thank Tricia Murphy

and Trish Upon A Star for
everything being so beautiful!


- (APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
- Tricia!

And, thanks, Dad.

I, um...

It means a lot that you're here.

And now, I would like to pass this off

to my husband! (LAUGHS)

- (GUESTS CHEERING)
- That's me! That's me!

- That's the first time she said it. It's real!
- GUESTS: Yeah!

- And she's my wife!
- Woo!

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

And, uh, I'd like to say a few words

about our host who's not here.

About a year ago,

Sam asked me to come out on the farm,

uh, to help her out.

And from the moment I walked in,

I felt such a deep connection with Ed.

You know, we were just two guys

who shared a love of the land.

It wasn't about him accepting me.

It wasn't about being nice.

He just saw me.

That's a rare thing,
no matter where I am.


So, if he were here today,

my friend Ed would be my best man.

So, raise your glasses,
everybody. Raise 'em high!


This is to Ed.

GUESTS: To Ed!

- (APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
- FRED: Thank you!

TIFFANI: Alright, alright,
alright! Who's ready to party?

(CHEERING)

- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (IRMA SINGING)

♪ There goes "you'll
never leave me alone" ♪

♪ For all the lies you told ♪

- Somebody's trying to get laid.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)

♪ Whoa, hey, ladies ♪

♪ When your man wanna get buck wild ♪

- (CONTINUES SINGING)
- Wow. (GASPS)

I love it when you sing like that.

I forgot how it makes me feel.

- Thank you.
- You k*lled it.

You know what? You k*lled it.

- Oh, come on.
- No, you did. I mean,

- this is not at all what I was expecting.
- (LAUGHS)

Well, I had a million more ideas.

Like, I wanted to do
these little burlap flowers

in mason jars on all the tables.

And I had this, um, groom cake topper

that was in a little
three-piece suit. So cute.

- Oh, you know what would've been great?
- Hm?

Some little monkey butts
by the dessert spoons.

- I knew that was you that took it, by the way.
- (LAUGHS)

- Got it right by my toilet.
- (LAUGHS)

It reminds me to keep
it clean, you know?

No, they said they
wanted simple, and so...

- You know, I think it turned out pretty great.
- It definitely did.

You know, I saw you during
the ceremony gettin' all emo.

- Oh, you stalking me?
- Maybe.

(LAUGHS) I can't help it.
I just can't help it.

Seeing Fred and Susan like that? (SIGHS)

Oh...

Just love is so beautiful.

Just a crazy thing that's been happening

over and over again for
thousands of years. It's...

(SIGHS)

I don't know.

Kinda seemed like you were
over it the other night.

Well, yeah, I'm over
Rick, but I'm not...

I'm not over love.

- (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (GUEST CHATTER)

♪ ♪

Oh, is it really? Happy birthday.

Uh, hello?

- Hello! (LAUGHING)
- (GUESTS CHEERING)

My name is Sam Miller.
I'm friends with Fred.


Congratulations, Fred and Susan!

- (GUESTS CHEERING)
- Thank you for the open bar. We appreciate it.


(APPLAUSE)

Fred asked me to sing something tonight

that would make him happy, so
that's what we're gonna do.


We've never done this
song before, but f*ck it.


What's the worst that can happen, right?

- (GUESTS LAUGHING)
- Hit the track!


(BAND PLAYS "GLORIA")

I think some of you
might know this song.


(MUSIC BUILDS)

(GUESTS CHEERING AND LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

- We got a super-fan in the house tonight!
- (INAUDIBLE)

(CHEERING, LAUGHTER CONTINUE)

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ You're always on the run now ♪

♪ Runnin' after somebody ♪

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

♪ Gotta get 'em somehow ♪

♪ I think you better slow down ♪

(LAUGHS)

♪ Before you start to blow it ♪

♪ I think you're headed
for a breakdown ♪


♪ Just be careful not to show it ♪

♪ You really don't remember ♪

Ah! ♪ Was it somethin' that he said? ♪

♪ All the voices in your head ♪

♪ Callin' Gloria ♪

We sing! ♪ Gloria ♪

♪ Gloria! ♪

♪ I think they got your number ♪

♪ Gloria! ♪

♪ If everybody wants you ♪

♪ Gloria! ♪

♪ Why isn't anybody callin'? ♪

♪ You don't have to answer ♪

♪ Leave 'em hangin' on the line ♪

♪ Whoa, callin' Gloria ♪

(BAND CONTINUES)

(CROWD CHEERING)

♪ I think they got your number ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ I think they got the alias ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ That you been livin' under ♪

- Come here, Tricia!
- (CROWD CHEERING)

♪ But you really don't remember ♪

♪ Was it somethin' that they said? ♪

Hop on!

♪ Are the voices in your head ♪

(CHEERING)

♪ Calling Gloria ♪

(CHEERING, LAUGHTER)

Dance, everybody!

(WILD CHEERING)

(BAND CONTINUES)

Come on!

- (SLOW DOO-WOP MUSIC)
- (QUIET CHATTER)

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

Oh, right. (LAUGHS)

(INDISTINCT SOFT SINGING)

BRAD: I'm getting a dog.

Oh, I love dogs. I do love dogs.

Can you hold on just a second, okay?

- (SINGING CONTINUES)
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Hey. How you doin'?

Good. I'm, uh...

- I'm celebrating my triumph.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

- It really was.
- (ICE CLINKING)

You wanna come join us?

Nah, nah, you go ahead. I'm havin' a...

little me-time.

(LAUGHS)

(SIGHS) Uh...

We're gonna be okay, you know? Just...

Meh.

Meh.

- (MUMBLING)
- You have your me-time. You have your me-time.

(GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SOFT SINGING)

JOEL: Oh, my God. I'm exhausted.

BRAD: I know. That was really fun.

SAM: Alright, well...

JOEL: Okay. Front door service.

SAM: Thank you.

BRAD: Have a good night.

- SAM: Text me when you get home.
- BRAD: Okay.

JOEL: (LAUGHS) You text
us when you get home!

- SAM: (LAUGHS) I'm right here!
- (JOEL AND BRAD LAUGH)

BRAD: She's saying go.

(DOOR CREAKING)

(CHAIR SLIDES)

(SIGHS)

(QUIET MUMBLING, GIGGLES)

(GIGGLES)

Yeah.

Are you seriously sleeping right now?

(QUIETLY): Drew! (WHISTLING)

(WHISTLES) Shh.

(WHISPERING): Let's have a beer.

Let's have a f*ckin' beer.

(SIGHS)

I said I'd f*ckin' have a beer with you.

I said I'd have a f*cking
beer with you. (GIGGLES)

Please, come on. (LAUGHING) Wake up.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

- Oh! Oh, sh*t!
- (DOG BARKING)

- ("CARRY ON WAYWARD SON" BY KANSAS PLAYING)
- (MUTTERING)

♪ There'll be peace when you are done ♪

I gotta get my shoe...

♪ Lay your weary head to rest ♪

♪ Don't you cry no more ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

♪ Once I rose above the
noise and confusion ♪


♪ Just to get a glimpse
behind this illusion ♪


♪ I was soaring ever higher ♪

♪ But I flew too high ♪

♪ Though my eyes could see,
I still was a blind man ♪


♪ Though my mind could
think, I still was a madman ♪


♪ I hear the voices when I'm dreaming ♪

♪ I can hear them say ♪

♪ Carry on, my wayward son ♪

♪ There'll be peace when you are done ♪

♪ Lay your weary head to rest ♪

♪ Don't you cry no more ♪

♪ ♪
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