[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING]
LACEY:
And the weather, I mean,
I think it's gonna hold off,
but...
WOMAN: Wanna get started?
People are gonna be coming in.
WOMAN :
Okay, cool.
LACEY: For a long time,
I didn't want to get married.
- Whoo!
- MAN: Yay!
[LAUGHS]
LACEY: I felt like
I couldn't create a new family
until I came to terms
with what happened to my own.
I come from a long line
of New York Jews.
I'm the great granddaughter
of Eastern European immigrants
who brought their culture
and traditions to Brooklyn.
The daughter
of a nice Jewish girl
and a nice Jewish boy.
[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]
[LAUGHS]
LACEY: I grew up
in a world of synagogue,
Hebrew school, bar mitzvahs.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY:
My family knew who they were.
And they defined who I was.
So it never occurred to me
that I was passing.
I wasn't pretending
to be something I wasn't.
I actually grew up believing
I was white.
[SIGHS]
LACEY:
See, we're real Jews.
Ha, ha. This proves it.
I'll show you.
These are my grandparents.
This is Uncle Lou.
And he's the one
I'm named after.
Lou Lacey.
He d*ed at my mother's wedding.
He had a heart att*ck
in the bathroom
and somehow know
that they got him out.
She didn't know he had d*ed
until she got back
from her honeymoon.
Even though he d*ed
at her wedding.
So that's who I'm named after.
Give him a rock.
Sometimes I wonder
who I would be,
if none of this
had ever happened.
If I was still this nice,
white Jewish girl.
from Woodstock, New York.
[DOG BARKS]
What would've been
different in my life.
PEGGY:
When Lacey was a little girl,
we lived a comfortable life.
We lived, almost,
a picture perfect kind of life
for a while.
So when Lacey decided
she was going to tell the story,
I was a little nervous about it.
Lacey,
I cannot start without you.
LACEY:
Coming.
It's not too bad.
I'm waiting.
PEGGY:
Oh!
Wait until you see
what I just found.
- LACEY: What?
- PEGGY: My wedding shoes.
What's in there? Anything
I don't wanna know about?
Look at the size of these feet.
[LAUGHS]
PEGGY:
How did that happen? Ha, ha.
LACEY:
Put your feet in.
PEGGY: Lacey,
there is no way on Earth...
LACEY:
Let's try the left foot.
PEGGY [SINGS]:
Oh, happy times
They would never...
- LACEY: Did you love them?
- PEGGY: I loved them.
LACEY: How did you feel
on your wedding day?
I felt excited.
- LACEY: Did you?
- Mm-hm.
LACEY:
Tell me more.
PEGGY:
I started going out with daddy
when I was years old.
Daddy was the man
I was supposed to be with.
Daddy was the person
I grew up with.
Daddy was all that.
LACEY:
So tell me about meeting mommy.
ROBERT: I was, uh, supervisor
of the Lake and Day camp.
And I had this bevy
of gorgeous young teenage girls
under my supervision.
Including mommy.
So I just started dating them
one at a time.
And then when I got to mommy
we stuck together.
PEGGY:
Grandma decided
that this guy would be
the perfect match for me.
Grandma loved his brown eyes
and his eyelashes.
ROBERT:
When we went back to Brooklyn
after the summer was over,
it turns out she lived
in the neighborhood
maybe half a mile away.
We just started going out.
But it was fun. We had fun.
It was nearby,
it was a neighborhood romance.
Everybody saw a stable
and long-lasting couple.
PEGGY:
I was programmed to marry him.
LACEY:
What do you mean?
PEGGY:
He was the path.
I went to a city school.
I became a teacher.
I got married
to a nice Jewish guy.
That's the way it was.
It's just I've been...
That's what I'm doing,
I'm getting married.
And I'm getting married
to this guy.
You just didn't think
outside the box.
We didn't.
And sometimes
it was easier that way.
[CAMERA CLICKS]
, Robert and I
moved to upstate New York.
It was just Robert and me
until .
Then Lacey was born.
LACEY: My mother
was in labor for hours
before the doctor
finally performed a caesarean.
BRUCE:
I saw you first.
And there you are.
I was so absolutely happy.
You know, I was an uncle.
MIKE: I do remember
seeing you for the first time.
Up at the hospital,
in the nursery.
And I remember your dad
being very proud
of the beautiful baby he had.
And I remember
you had a kind of, uh,
yellowish tinge.
You did look a little different.
But, uh, you know,
it was just how you looked.
LACEY:
One day I went to nursery school
and there was
this little blond kid
who seemed obsessed
with how I looked.
And he said to me, "Show me
the color of your gums."
And I just showed him my gums,
I was like:
That's the earliest memory
I have of feeling different.
It was embarrassing
to be singled out.
And it made me feel ugly.
When I told my parents
what had happened
my father pulled out
an old photo album
and told me I took after
his great grandfather
who was Sicilian.
And I saw pictures and I said,
"Oh, Lacey looks
like Robert's grandfather."
I just sort of believed
what we were told,
that somewhere, I don't know,
in your family history
there was some
explanation for it.
You know, the picture of the...
Sort of like,
large looking, ha, ha...
I don't even know
what we were told he was.
LACEY:
I believed it.
I believed I was white.
We had a reason right there,
in our family tree,
of why I looked the way I did.
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
Ready? She can hit.
ROBERT:
Go.
[CHILDREN SHOUTING]
Watch it, here he comes.
Get him, get him.
Get him! Get him!
LACEY:
So even though I knew
that there was something
different about me
I didn't want to admit it.
[GIRL SHOUTS]
LACEY: I'd find ways
to reassure myself.
I would tell myself
my dad gets really tan
in the summer time,
my mom's hair is really curly
just like mine.
And I would find ways
to make it seem like,
you know what, I really
was just like my parents.
ROBERT: Show us
how you can stand on your side.
- What?
- ROBERT: Show us that trick.
Oh, great.
- Ha, ha.
- ROBERT: Oh, that's terrific.
How do you do that?
Try to hold the camera steady.
So it looks like
I'm not too drunk.
Over there you have Peggy
in her sweat clothes.
My new motto:
Late to bed, early to rise
makes a woman extremely ugly.
- ROBERT: Ha, ha.
- Ha, ha.
LACEY: The diary my parents
gave me on my th birthday
makes it pretty clear
I was feeling insecure.
And school only made it worse.
All the girls in my class
have long straight hair.
I didn't. And I hated it.
I couldn't do anything
about my skin,
but my hair
was a different story.
Does this look good?
ROBERT:
Yes, it does.
I'm just making it
a little flatter.
ROBERT: Let's see
a little happiness. Here we go.
- Walk this way.
- PEGGY: Oh, my gosh.
Oh, that's sweet.
I'm so proud of her.
So proud of her,
you have no idea.
Today's the day. We did it.
LACEY:
Except for that one conversation
about my great grandfather,
my parents and I
never talked about it again.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
ROBERT:
This is a movie camera, Marty.
It's a movie camera.
I didn't know that.
I have never stood so still.
Okay.
[JEWISH MUSIC PLAYING]
Tell Marty to stop cutting.
LACEY:
At my bar mitzvah,
a member of the synagogue
came up to me and my mother
and said,
"It's so nice to have
an Ethiopian Jew
in our presence."
My mother said nothing.
So I corrected the woman
and explained
that I wasn't Ethiopian.
But when she walked away,
I remember feeling alone.
I haven't been in Woodstock
for so long.
- LACEY: Hi.
- ELISSA: Ha, ha.
Everything is exactly
the same here.
I mean, these guys were here
when I was in high school.
These two
are really feeling it too.
This is authentic...
PEGGY: Woodstock
is a pretty liberal community.
But there weren't that many
black people in Woodstock.
Lacey's friends
when she was a child,
those were all white kids.
LACEY: There were no black kids
in my elementary school. None.
It was a white world
where race didn't exist for us.
It wasn't really talked about.
So I didn't really think
anything about race.
GIRL: Lacey
is getting ready for her prom.
Fussing as ever.
[CHATTERING]
PHOTOGRAPHER:
One, two, three.
Big smile, big smile.
LACEY:
But when I got to high school,
it wasn't so easy to ignore.
This is one cafeteria.
And there, in that room...
And this is another.
This room is like stuck in
and it cannot get out.
It looks exactly the same.
LACEY: I went
to high school in Kingston.
One town over from Woodstock
and much more diverse.
Like in high schools everywhere,
the kids found ways
to segregate themselves.
Jocks together,
artsy types together.
Cheerleaders together.
High school was really
the first time in my life
that I even crossed path
with black people.
In the hallways,
the black kids would stare at me
when I walked past them.
It was weird.
At first I actually thought
they looked at all
white people that way.
But then I realized, it was me.
The black girls
would stop me in the hallway
and say, "What are you?"
You know, I was offending them.
And I would just tell them
that I was white.
That I was...
You know, looks like my great
grandfather was dark skinned.
I would tell them I was Jewish.
And the black girls in school
would be like,
"Well, you have to work
some stuff out
if you think that, you know,
you're completely white.
People definitely asked you.
Are you black or white?
Why are you trying to be white?
LACEY: What those girls
didn't seem to understand was,
I wasn't trying to be white,
I was white.
Everyone in my life
had always let me think so.
I remember specific situations
where I'll be like,
"Oh, I'm gonna hang out
with my friend Lacey."
And they would be like,
"Oh, Lacey, is she adopted?"
And my friend's being like,
"I mean, clearly she's black."
And I would be like,
"No, no, no, she's white."
I always looked at you like...
You looked black, ha, ha, right?
But not that you were, I guess.
You know, it's like
you were my best friend.
You looked like you were black,
but I knew both of your parents.
I knew, you know...
To me, you're just like
a Jewish kid who...
I don't know.
MATTHEW: Clearly
you weren't the same as us.
But it was, uh,
like a touchy subject.
Like...
I don't know, like...
Something that was never
really comfortable.
I don't know if people knew it,
or sensed it, or whatever.
It just seems like this
-pound-gorilla in the room
and to kind of just
refuse to see it.
LACEY:
If you look too closely at it,
it didn't make any sense.
So we didn't look.
We found ways to see
what we wanted to believe.
Meanwhile, at home,
my parents' marriage
started to unravel.
MIKE: At times,
they seemed like peas in a pod.
Other times, I remember
feeling uncomfortable.
They would
argue and argue openly.
Their relationship
was better than most
on the surface.
I don't think I found out
that she wasn't all that happy
until years later.
We did get along for a while
and then
we didn't anymore and...
And became not married.
I think what I remember
the most clearly
around that time
was how your mother
seemed literally to go
to pieces.
She really fell apart.
LACEY: When my father
packed up and left,
like most kids, I thought
the whole thing was my fault.
But I was afraid to ask.
My father was mad at my mother
and mad at the world.
And it even seems like
he was mad at me.
- Daddy?
- ROBERT: What?
LACEY: When I was little
we had always been really close.
Now I felt abandoned
and rejected by him.
Any time I tried
to talk to him about it,
he either freaked out
or ignored me.
And I didn't understand why.
You know,
I had such a strong sense,
when my parents were together,
of who I was.
I was their daughter,
and when they split up,
I didn't really feel like
I knew who I was.
LACEY:
Then I met Matt.
[GASPS]
Hi.
- How are you?
- I'm good.
- How are you?
- I'm good.
- This is a cool place.
- Thank you.
Can I see
the rest of your apartment?
Uh, yes.
That is the sometimes office
that is getting rearranged.
LACEY:
Matt's father is black.
And his mother is white.
In high school,
when we went out,
people would ask
if we were brother and sister.
And for the first time
I started to doubt
my parent's story
about my dark-skinned
Italian ancestor.
I have such a profound memory
of looking
at your family pictures
and being like,
"Come on, this is..."
Like, you had the pictures
coming back from Jamaica...
With the braids.
And you get so dark.
But how absurd it read to me,
even as, you know, years old
or something like that.
I wasn't like
a man of the world or anything.
Your family...?
Your cousins and stuff,
and everyone was...?
Even the adults?
They heard the story
and they went with it.
White people
will think anything.
- Ha, ha.
- Crazy things.
I know life can go
for a long time.
You'd just be like, "Wow."
You know, because for me,
I was relatively subconscious
at that time.
I think that's how race goes...
It became clear
that there was this denial.
I remember
being so struck by it.
By the weight of...
...that type,
those types of secrets
and it was a couple of years
before we even talked about it.
ROBERT:
Hello.
LACEY: Matt really
wanted me to think about it.
He hounded me about it.
He pushed me.
And I pushed back.
"I can deal with this now,"
I would say.
My parents
were in the middle of a divorce.
But deep down, his questions
were getting to me.
When it came time
to apply to college,
I decided I wanted to go
to Georgetown.
On their application
I had to check a box.
And the only box
I had ever known was white.
I didn't know what any
of the others even meant for me.
So I just didn't check anything.
Georgetown required you
to send in a picture,
and based off a photograph,
I was admitted to college
as a black student.
That moment when Georgetown
said you're black,
it was a moment that...
It was like
they gave me permission
to start entertaining
the idea myself.
[TRAIN HORN WHISTLES]
LACEY:
So when I got invited
to the Black Student Alliance
meeting, I went.
And I kept on going.
All through college
and on until law school.
BOY: My name is Samuel,
I'm from Ethiopia.
I'm Isiah. I'm, uh, .
[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]
GIRL:
My name is Jelani Jefferson.
I'm from New Orleans.
LACEY:
My name's Lacey Schwartz
and I'm from Woodstock,
New York.
I graduated from the University
of Alabama in Birmingham.
LACEY:
And just like that
I was welcomed
to the black community.
Just because of one photo.
Not unlike the photo
of my great grandfather,
who years earlier
had made me white.
It all seemed a little too easy.
But at that point, I was ready
to try on a new identity.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
There are different narratives
of racial identity
and people come
with different assumptions
about what is to be
a black person.
LACEY: The university
was like Race .
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
LACEY: A crash course
for a white person
on what it means to be black.
I have always
taken it for granted
that what I've accomplished
was seen as a product
of my own hard work.
But I soon realized
that my black friends felt
they had to work harder to prove
they deserve their success.
White people don't spend
a whole lot of time
thinking about their whiteness.
But for black people,
blackness is everywhere.
[GIRLS LAUGH]
LACEY: It was in the comics
my friends referenced.
The music being blasted
in their dorm rooms.
And the smack they were talking
while playing cards.
There were moments
in the beginning
where I would walk
into all these black spaces.
And I would think,
how am I gonna fit in?
Or what it's gonna be like?
You know, would I dance
in the right way?
And would I say
the right things?
But they didn't know
all about the fact
that I had grown up
and only known other white kids.
As it turned out,
hanging out with black people
have put a lot
of my insecurities to rest.
The dark skin
I always worried about,
was light skin to them.
And my bad hair
became good hair.
My black friends looked at me
and saw another black person.
Feeling like an outsider was
something they could relate to.
And it didn't seem like
a coincidence to me.
For the first time in my life,
I felt like I belonged.
And somehow I just knew
that black was who I was.
Of course that meant
that there was something
my parents weren't telling me.
And I had no idea
how to ask them about it.
That's when I went to therapy.
I was taking a film class
at the time,
and decided to tape my sessions.
WOMAN: So I don't know
where you want to begin.
Well, I don't know.
Because it's an unspoken thing.
Like there's
a part of me that...
I feel like it's a charade.
WOMAN:
One of the reasons
why you wanted to come
and see me was that I've had...
Not an expertise in secrets,
but I did specialize in that.
Secrets create problems.
I do lose focus but...
I feel like an outsider.
I can't really tolerate, like,
putting myself
to the side anymore.
I feel like things
are becoming so difficult.
I feel just like...
- I am physically exhausted.
- Exhausting.
WOMAN:
But I am here
to help you
have this conversation.
That you think
you're getting some answers.
I came home
from my freshman year in college
and I decided
that I was gonna ask my mother
why I looked the way I did.
Lacey came to me and said,
"We have to talk."
It was like, "Oh, no."
I'm scared.
She initially didn't wanted
to talk to me about it.
She told me
she couldn't do it at that time.
She had to do
something else first.
My reaction was,
"Please make her be quiet,
make her stop for a while."
And I told her
I had to talk about it.
I wanted to talk about
why I looked the way I did.
Lacey would ask, "How come
you never talked to me about it?
How come nobody
ever talked to me about it?"
And I said to her,
"Mommy, you have to tell me."
"How come nobody saw
that I was different?
How come nobody
thought enough to come to me
and say I know the truth."
And for whatever reason,
I decided that was the moment.
She was pinning me.
She wasn't letting me go.
So she sat me down and she said,
"The truth is,
I had an affair with Rodney.
And there's a good chance
that
he's your biological father."
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: I had known Rodney
for as long as I can remember.
My mom had met him
when she was
and working at a city playground
back in Brooklyn.
Rodney
was the king of that park.
And when someone wrote
a book about it,
he became a kind of celebrity.
MAN:
Forty-year-old Rodney Parker
has helped a few realize
their dreams of becoming pros.
He does promotional work
in city parks
for a sneaker company
but on the side
works as a freelance scout.
Apparently for no pay.
Jim McMillian,
forward of the New York Knicks,
is his most noted discovery.
Players I help are basically
the underground players,
the players
that nobody really looks at.
The kid that's playing
in the playground
who might have more skill
than the other kid
playing in the playground.
LACEY:
As a child, as far as I knew,
Rodney was a ticket scalper.
So he usually showed up
when my mom and I
would go into the city
for a show or a concert.
A couple of times,
he even got me and my mom
and my dad,
tickets to a Knicks game.
MIKE: I thought he was, uh,
a close friend of your mom's.
I knew about the park.
And I knew when
I was desperate for a ticket,
like to the Dylan year
reunion at the Garden,
Rodney was the man.
[MIKE CHUCKLES]
LACEY: You remember meeting
Rodney for the first time?
Tell me about meeting Rodney
for the first time.
Your mom and I
had gone to the city to...
Shopping.
And we were crossing th street
and your mom said,
"Oh, there's my friend Rodney."
Now, of course,
afterwards I knew
that every time
we ever ran into Rodney
it wasn't like,
"There's my friend Rodney."
It was that she had been
talking to him and she said,
"We would be
on th street at :."
But at that moment
it seemed very co...
"Oh, there's my friend Rodney."
I remember driving home
that day on the FDR
and asking your mom,
"Did you have an affair
with Rodney?"
And she said no.
But when I met Rodney
I said to myself,
"Okay, I get it."
That's really
who Lacey looks like.
LACEY: I really didn't know
what to think.
There was a large part of me
that was really relieved.
That felt like
I finally knew the truth.
But then I didn't know
what else to say.
SAMARA: It really is
the power of denial.
How the hell did you not...?
Or, not you.
But how did anybody, sort of,
not acknowledge this.
How do you have a daughter
with another man
who clearly doesn't look like
anybody in the family.
She has the remarkable ability
to look away from things
and therefore,
they don't happen.
They don't exist,
they are not real.
MATT:
I remember sitting at the table,
at some family function
with Rodney and your mother.
And it being so apparent
that this was your father.
For my eyes, you know,
I mean, it just seems so clear.
And I remember your father
talking about
how he had drank a lot
the night before
and Rodney couldn't believe
that he went out for a run
that morning.
- I'm like...
- Ha-ha-ha.
Dude, that's what
you couldn't believe?
That was so weird. Ha, ha.
That was as bad as blatantly
throwing it in people's faces
as you could do,
and having people look away.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: My mom had been
lying to me and everyone else
for my entire life.
It seemed pretty obvious to me
the affair had to be a factor
in my parent's divorce.
I was so angry with her
I could barely speak to her.
I couldn't wait
to get back to school.
[LAUGHS]
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: Now that I knew
that I had a black parent,
that I was actually black,
I wasn't sure what to do
with the part of myself
that was white.
[CHATTERING]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Ha, ha.
- Happy birthday.
- Hi.
- Hi.
[CHATTERING]
WOMAN:
Do you want it up...?
I really like steam my hair
like once a year.
It works
and it's good for bangs.
WOMAN: Oh, really?
More money for travel.
LACEY:
Yeah, I know, I know.
- Um...
- Let me ask you a question.
Is being biracial,
half black, half white,
a category of being black?
- Like I think of it...
- Definitely.
- Yeah.
- I think of it that way.
Like everybody is black.
Is being mixed
is a category of being black,
being mixed to me is not
a category of being white.
It's so funny, because you know
the whole one drop rule, right?
It's like one drop
of black blood you're black.
So there's all these people
who we accept...
Like Tiger and his
cabalasian self, you know.
We're like,
"Yeah, we're claiming that."
And so it's just...
It is an inclusive...
It's beyond race to me.
Even when
I was in India recently.
It's kind of brown people,
you know,
because after there were
no black people
the Indian girl looked cool.
[ALL LAUGHING]
I was like, "Hey, girl."
Ha, ha.
Some brown in the building.
[ALL LAUGH]
It's a common connection
with, um...
Sort of being the underdog
in some way,
not being accepted.
And really walking into a room
of people, like, I accept you.
For me, you know,
I grew up my whole life
with people constantly asking me
why I look the way I did.
And maybe I identified
as being black.
So, because I...
Wanted to be part
of the black community.
- Yeah.
- Being black feels good for me.
Because it's being true
to yourself.
I mean,
it's being true to who you are
because it's such
a hodgepodge of people.
You can be Lacey from Woodstock.
You know, from the parents
of Peggy Schwartz.
It's like, "Okay."
I think there's power
in identifying yourself
as white.
I mean, as making
white folks accept you
as part of being white.
Mm-hm.
[SIGHS]
[ALL LAUGHING]
So can we get ready
for my party please?
- Sure, yes.
- Ha-ha-ha.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY:
Being true to myself
meant being
both white and black.
When it came to my family,
I kept the black part
under wraps.
In my parents' world...
Hallelujah, praise o ye
servants of the eternal.
Praise ye
the name of the eternal.
...I was still
a nice Jewish girl.
With two white Jewish parents.
PEGGY: After Lacey and I
acknowledged Lacey's parentage.
It still wasn't discussed
between Robert and Lacey,
and it wasn't discussed
between Robert and me.
So I still was on egg shells
and Lacey
was on egg shells also.
[DOG BARKS]
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Dad, I didn't do it on purpose.
Sorry, Lucy.
LACEY: I didn't know
what my father did,
or didn't know.
I only knew that being black
was connected
to breaking his heart.
It felt really scary.
Like, what would happen
if I talked about it?
And I was afraid
of not being a part
of the world that I have
grown up with anymore.
[DOG BARKS]
ROBERT:
Hello. Ha, ha.
WOMAN:
Hi.
ROBERT:
Are they related?
WOMAN:
They have the same father.
ROBERT:
Do they know it?
LACEY:
I kept my white world
and my black world segregated.
But I needed
to keep exploring who I was.
So I tried to get to know
Rodney on my own.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: After college,
I was living in New York.
So was he.
We spent some weekend
afternoons together.
One of my main kids right here.
Chris Andrew.
LACEY: I wonder
if I would share a bond with him
as a black person,
that I didn't share
with my white family.
But I didn't feel it.
And as much as I tried,
the time I spent with him
didn't change that.
[SHOUTING]
[REFEREE WHISTLES]
LACEY:
At one point he introduced me
to his other children.
He had seven
by a few different women.
Kristin was the youngest
and closest to my age.
She had also grown up
as an only child.
Now, suddenly, we were sisters.
So like
to finally have a sister,
I was like, "Yeah,
I can see the resemblance."
I guess for me
was, um, you know...
LACEY: And we spent
some time together
and I just didn't feel
the connection.
To her, or to Rodney.
It wasn't her. It was just...
They were strangers to me.
So do you wear your hair
curly mostly?
- Like almost solely.
- Yeah.
LACEY:
I didn't know where I belonged.
Rodney was not my father.
And my real father had no idea
who I actually was.
Then, shortly before
my th birthday,
my mother called and told me
that Rodney had d*ed.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY:
Hi.
- How are you?
- PEGGY: Morris.
- Hello.
- This is my daughter Lacey.
- Hi.
- Hey, Lacey, how you doing?
I'm fine. How are you?
- Hi.
- You don't know me.
- I'm Albert King.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
He was a great man.
It's so nice to meet you.
- My name is Robert.
- Hi.
I've got many memories
of your dad.
- Here's my card...
- Thank you.
WOMAN: You're one
of Rodney's daughters also?
Yeah.
[CHATTERING]
You're not the one
I drove down to Manhattan?
- That played the piano?
- No.
I need a scorecard
to keep track...
- Scorecard?
- Ha-ha-ha.
I need an encyclopedia.
This is so strange.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
LACEY: I sat
with Rodney's other children
in the front row.
But I felt out of place.
MAN: I recite this poem
to my black brothers.
It says I wanna be my own man...
LACEY:
Behind me was my mother
and some other family members
who have come to support her.
If any of them knew that Rodney
was my biological father,
none of them
had ever said so to me.
WOMAN: Rodney is survived
by his daughters,
Suzette Michelle Parker,
Kristin Marissa Parker
and Lacey Schwartz,
son Rodney James Parker...
When I was announced
as one of his children
during the service,
I knew
that there was no going back.
That everyone in my white family
then knew that I was black.
- How are you?
- It's weird.
It's weird.
[LACEY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Are you sure?
- Are you hanging in there?
- Yeah.
It's just weird.
PEGGY:
My cousins were there.
My friends that were there.
And it was a very
uncomfortable situation.
Lacey knew that her family
would be watching her
and seeing how she reacted.
But nobody discussed it openly.
LACEY:
The funeral was the last straw.
But my family seemed fine
to pretend about who I was.
But I was done letting them.
I remember the very first time
that I ever put
two and two together.
When I started realizing
that you were kind of changing.
Not certainly who you
associated yourself with or...
Not associated yourself with,
but how you viewed
yourself or...
And I think that's kind of
when I started thinking
that race was gonna play
a bigger role.
Do you feel it necessary
to say to yourself,
I've made a decision,
I am a white woman.
Or I am a black woman.
Or I am a combination of each
or is it...?
Yeah, I think of myself as,
like, somebody who's biracial
and half of my race is black.
I think of myself,
like I'm a category of black.
I don't identify as being white.
Okay, that's fair.
LACEY: I mean,
do you think of me as black?
Today I think is the first time
that you and I have ever spoken
those words to each other.
To say like
do I think of you as black...
Like, what does that mean?
- I mean, how do you view me?
- As my cousin.
I was naive to any concept of...
For lack
of a better descriptor, race.
I never really viewed you
as white or black or anything.
And I could never really
with something
that I even thought about.
Well, I think of you as black
because I think
you think of yourself as black.
I think mostly
I think of you as Lacey.
My father and I have never
talked about, in anyway,
my paternity, my race...
- Anything.
- How bizarre is that?
[GRUNTS]
You know, I mean, really?
I'm worried
about who I'm talking to.
How do I say to him,
I need to talk to you.
A good thing
that I promised myself
because I would never
have children.
And they will be on, like,
the New York State Freeway,
on the way up, and say,
"Like, remember, grandpa
doesn't know mommy's black."
Dad, I really wanna talk to you.
When I...
I think there's a lot
to talk about
and I think that...
You know...
I would say...
God...
I mean,
it's two conversations...
There are certain things
I need to get out of the way.
There are certain things
I would like
to talk to you about.
But there's a difference
between saying what I like to do
and what I need to do.
And one of the things
that I realized
that I need to say...
...is I need to openly
acknowledge to you...
...that I identify
as a black woman.
What a surprise.
But I've never said that
to you, Dad.
Well, you didn't have to.
[SCOFFS]
- And the reason...
- I see the books you read.
I see the relationships
you have.
I see the music you like.
I see the, uh...
The entertainment realm
that appeals to you.
Okay. What else is new?
I knew that.
In the end
I just felt dismissed by him.
Like, he didn't...
Like maybe
he was ashamed of me.
Like he didn't want to...
He wasn't willing
to go there with me.
And I felt like I so desperately
needed to understand.
And so I decided I had
to really talk to my mother.
Hey.
The operative word
in "we have to unload" is we.
Okay.
[GRUNTS]
- All right.
- PEGGY: Okay.
I think that's all
from the back, right?
- I think we're done.
- LACEY: Mom.
When you got married,
you got married in what year?
.
In ,
and then you lived where?
Uh, Forest Hills.
Did you know Rodney
before that or after that?
I met Rodney when I got a job
in the Parks Department.
What year did you get a job
in Parks Department?
.
LACEY:
The same year you got married.
Yes.
Because then
I wasn't born until '.
Right.
When were you first with him?
Mother, just tell me.
.
Before or after you got married?
Before.
Oh, my God. Ha, ha.
When did you tell daddy
that you've been having
an affair with Rodney?
PEGGY:
I never did.
Did daddy know?
Yes.
You know about the time
when his wife att*cked me?
What?
This is what happened.
There was Rodney,
and there was his wife.
And his wife and I
were kind of friendly.
But obviously she found out
that there was...
Whatever else was happening.
So Rodney's wife
came to visit me
and she and I
were sitting in the car
and all of a sudden
she takes out a razor blade.
- Oh!
- She takes out a razor blade.
Can you see this?
Can you see this going up here?
Here. See that?
LACEY:
No way.
- I didn't know this story.
- PEGGY: And...
LACEY:
This was before I was born?
PEGGY:
Yeah.
Well, anyway,
so she takes out a razor blade.
And this is gonna burn.
And she goes to slash me
in the face.
So I go like this.
So...
Now, the police come
and they arrest her.
So...
Of course, I...
Did you tell daddy
Rodney's wife tried to slash me?
Yes.
Did daddy already know you were
having an affair with Rodney?
No.
Until you got slashed?
He basically said to me then,
"You know,
whatever has happened,
let's put it aside and let's go
about our business."
And that was
the last conversation we had
about that.
Fact is, if the man
with whom I had an affair
had not been black,
none of this would've come out.
LACEY: A lifetime of lies
had torn my family apart.
I hope
that talking about the truth
could put it back together.
WOMAN [ON VOICEMAIL]:
First saved message.
ROBERT [ON CELLPHONE]:
Hi, Lacey. It's dad.
Um, been giving some thought
about our conversation.
And, uh...
It's not a good time for me
to talk to you.
So, um, not wanting to introduce
new sources of stress
and complications.
So we have to pick a time
when I feel, uh, more calm
and peaceful about my life.
Right now,
I'm pretty stressed out.
I haven't shared things
with you, so...
Talk to you later, bye.
LACEY: The more my father
pushed me away,
the more I press my mother
for details.
- This is it.
- That one?
As I remember
walking on the street.
There it is.
So this is where I worked.
This is were... This is it?
This is it.
What was this neighborhood
like then?
It was just the way it is now.
It's exactly what it was like.
This was a black neighborhood.
- Yeah.
- Apparently it still is.
- What I'm saying...
- Ha-ha-ha.
LACEY: When you first
started working here,
were you like,
"What am I doing here?"
I had no clue what I was doing.
I was years old,
and I was white and Jewish,
and I was in charge
of this playground.
See, right up there?
That's where Rodney lived.
- Oh, he lived right here?
- He lived right there.
See the top floor?
Here's the thing about Rodney.
It was very appealing to know
that there was somebody
who I could snap my fingers
and he would come running.
- So after I was born...
- Mm-hm.
When did you think you realized
that I was Rodney's daughter.
PEGGY:
Well, let's back up.
We know the infamous...
Daddy and the grandfather.
Daddy
and the Sicilian grandfather.
- Yes.
- You know that.
I wanted to believe that
so badly,
that I probably
latched on to that.
So I was able to
kind of not think about it.
And then Rodney would say,
"Look at that kid,
she looks just like me."
And I would say,
"No, she doesn't."
It took me years to say to him,
"Yeah, you're right, she does."
And it wasn't
because I was lying.
I mean, I didn't see it, really.
And then,
maybe once I started seeing it,
I chose to ignore it.
But he would talk about it
and...
So when I finally
got to the point
that I had to be honest
with myself,
I couldn't deny it,
I would say,
"Robert is her father.
Robert is her father, Robert
is the person that raised her,
Robert is the person that
was there with her everyday.
Robert is the person
who attends school functions.
Robert is her father."
So why did you stay with daddy?
The reason was,
I had an extremely
sexual relationship with Rodney,
but there were things missing.
- Like...
- The fact is...
That daddy was interesting,
daddy was funny.
Daddy was a person
who made
a decent amount of money.
That's the reason
I stayed with daddy.
How much do you think
the fact that Rodney
was not a real option for you
had to do with him being black?
I think it had nothing
to do with it whatsoever.
Nothing? How can it have
nothing to do with it?
I don't know,
you asked me this before.
- Think about it!
- I can't.
You're asking me,
I'm telling you the truth.
It had nothing to do with it
whatsoever.
You know, the fact is,
that whatever happened
with you and daddy,
and that inability
to talk about things,
that is what I carry on.
So much of what I did
was connected to who I was,
and nobody talked about
who I was.
I can't talk to daddy
about who I am.
I can't talk to daddy
about who I am until...
You know, it's not like
being black is everything.
But it's part of who I am.
And if I can't share
all of who I am with him...
And why can't I share
all of who I am with him?
Because you had an affair.
Because nobody
talks about everything.
Because it was all secrets.
BRUCE: I think your dad
was in great agony.
Some of which he shared with me,
some of which he didn't.
When you were ,
he said something to me
that was very poignant.
He said,
"My whole life was a lie."
He said, "I lived a lie."
Right.
I think, you know,
your father saw you everyday
as living proof
that your mom
had betrayed the marriage.
He was this center
of this huge secret
that was circling around him.
It was a big thing
that happened to him.
Maybe he was never able
to separate
that act happening to him
from you.
I know that there is something
that was lost between us.
When we each found out
that I wasn't
his biological child.
How do I get past that?
Good morning, Father.
Give me a hug.
[ROBERT MUMBLING]
Ain't that...?
It's no secret
that mommy had an affair.
She ever tell you she did?
She never talked to me
even about that.
And da-da-da-da...
And life goes on.
Our merry way
of poor communication
and chaos and...
I mean, don't you think
she should have told me?
LACEY:
Yeah.
But my question for you is,
once you and mommy got divorced,
why did you never talk to me
about not being
my biological father?
About what?
About not being
my biological father. Why...?
Because it was mommy's business.
I didn't have a clue.
I would always tell people,
"Oh, yeah,
my grandfather's Italian.
He passed his looks on to you."
And I believed it.
I didn't tell you
because I didn't f*cking know
until you turned .
Talk about betrayal.
It's the ultimate.
Cheat on your husband.
Okay, that's pretty bad.
Don't tell him
that you're having
somebody else's child
for years?
Or forever for that matter.
She still hasn't told me
but we all know.
Talk about
the ultimate betrayal.
Talk about
the ultimate betrayal.
Just think about that.
You had no idea how things were.
- You're right, I didn't.
- Ahem.
You're right.
Maybe you and mommy
had a relationship
where you didn't talk
about things.
But I'm not that person.
And there is absolutely
no question for either of us
who you are to me as my father
and who I am to you
as your daughter.
I think
it has been difficult for me
to acknowledge
certain aspects of my life
because it implicated things
that we didn't talk about.
And I have not shared with you
certain aspects of my life.
And, like, going forward,
I want to change that.
Okay. Well, time will tell.
Let that play out.
LACEY: After I finally
talked to my father,
I realized, in my mind,
I had this visual
that we were all going
to heal together.
And we're all gonna move forward
with our lives.
But in the end,
I couldn't heal my parents.
I couldn't change
what had happened to them.
I couldn't make them feel
differently about it.
I needed to accept them
for who they were.
Just like I wanted them
to accept who I was.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
LACEY:
Mom, you really wanna go through
all those boxes tonight?
We have a whole other box to do.
Yeah, maybe we should skip it.
Let's go.
Here are your engagement...
This is definitely
daddy's handwriting.
Look at this.
This is what he wrote.
"I never really read
too carefully any card,
but this card says
just what you mean to me.
I love you, Peggy Susan."
God, were daddy and I corny.
Or at least I was.
I loved daddy then.
- What is this?
- This was my wedding dress.
Oh, my God.
That must have been my bouquet.
[PEGGY GASPS]
PEGGY:
My God. Lacey, look.
This was
our engagement announcement.
Because we got engaged on May .
I think we separated on May .
Whoa. Ha, ha.
If I could have done
my life differently,
would I have had
a committed marriage.
Yes, I would have taken care
of my marriage or gotten out.
But if I had done that,
I wouldn't have had you.
So there are a lot of things
I would have done differently,
but in the end, not really.
But the dangerous thing is,
when you have a marriage
that's troubled,
and you have somebody else,
you never take care
of your problems
because you don't have to.
Because you can just ignore it
and go about your business
and this other person will make
you feel really wonderful.
But sometimes you do things
that are just of the moment.
And you're not...
It's not like
you're being hedonistic
or being mean or being horrible.
It's just at the moment
and you're not really aware
of the consequences.
[SOBBING]
But before I was your mother,
I was a person.
And I was a girl,
and I was a woman...
And I was me.
And I think that's
the most honest explanation
I could give you.
But that's the truth.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[CHATTERING]
That looks beautiful.
- WOMAN : Walk around here.
- WOMAN : Over here.
LACEY: I've spent
the first half of my life
being defined by the world
my parents have created for me.
[WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
LACEY:
In the second half,
I was defined
by their secrets and lies.
But the truth
is on the table now.
And I was ready to find
my future for myself.
MINISTER:
This is a celebration of love.
It's a celebration
that brings two individuals
from different
cultural experiences
and different
religious experiences.
And so love allows them
to come together
and fall in love with each other
and had transcended
the external accidents
of race or color.
LACEY:
I put a lot of thought
into the issue
of changing my last name.
As a kid
I never really liked Schwartz.
But now, after everything,
it seemed perfect for me.
A clearly Jewish name
that literally means black.
[PEOPLE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
[NINA SIMONE'S
"FEELING GOOD" PLAYING]