01x24 - Marcy's Vacation

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "Benson". Aired: September 13, 1979 – April 19, 1986.*
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Spin off from Soap - Benson DuBois is hired to be the head of household affairs for widowed Governor Eugene X. Gatling and his daughter Katie.
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01x24 - Marcy's Vacation

Post by bunniefuu »

Kraus! Ja!

Kraus, you said this was only
gonna take a couple of minutes.

I've been standing here and
these things have grown five feet.

Quit complaining, Benson.

It's an ideal job for you.

All you have to
do is stand there.

All you gotta do is
put 'em in the pot.

Do not rush me, Benson.
I know what I am doing.

I feel very close to the soil.

Well, I could always arrange
something on a more permanent basis.

I am sorry if this
has upset you.

I know how sensitive you are.

Well, in that case, forget it.

Not you, you clown!

I was talking to my plants.

Do they talk to
you? Of course not.

They ain't as dumb as they look.

Do not listen to
Benson, Lieblings.

The man is a fool.

They know that, Kraus.

Otherwise I wouldn't
be standing here

with my hands full of dirt.

I know you love the
windowsill, my little ones,

but you are getting
too much sun.

I think you need a drink.

I think you've had one too many.

Good morning.
BENSON: Good morning.

KRAUS: Hello.

Would anyone care
to take a wild guess

where I'm gonna be
this time next week?

Playing shortstop for
the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Please.

Well, you said wild guess.

Where will you be, Marcy?

Well, I'll give you a hint.

Dancing till all hours,
sipping rum drinks,

single men fighting over me.

Sounds to me like
you're gonna be in jail.

No.

I'm gonna be on a
cruise to the Caribbean.

Oh, on a boat?

Well, it's a little difficult
to get there in a Buick.

Well, I know it's only
gonna be for a few weeks,

but I'm gonna come back
here a different person.

Yeah. Tanned, heavy, and broke.

Well, I don't want to
spoil your vacation, Marcy,

but the Governor will
be lost without you.

Well, that's sweet of you to say
that, Gretchen, but I don't think so.

I found a replacement.
Her name's Lorraine.

She's a terrific secretary.

I trained her myself.

And, uh, Gretchen,
she's a wonderful person,

so I'm sure you're gonna be
awfully nice to her, aren't you?

I am nice to everybody.

Well, almost everybody.

Morning, everyone.

Morning. BENSON: Hi, sugar.

Your lunch is on
the counter, Liebling.

Oh, thanks, Miss Kraus.

You know, I'm really
gonna miss you, Marcy.

Well, I'm gonna
miss you, too, honey.

Well, if somebody doesn't hurry
up, you're gonna miss school.

But she's going on
vacation, Benson.

She's gonna be gone
for two whole weeks.

Who am I gonna talk
to while she's gone?

Well, I'll still be here.

Und so will I.

That's right, honey. I know.

But there are certain things I
only like to talk to you about.

Nothing personal.

It's just Marcy and I have
the same taste in men.

We both happen
to like her father.

I have to go
upstairs for a while.

I'll be right back.

You can mind
them while I'm gone.

Oh, come on, Kraus!

Get this plant out of
here. I ain't no babysitter.

(CHUCKLING)

How're you doing?

You wanna have some fun?

When she comes back,
lay down and play dead.

Now, do you think you can find
your way back to the Xerox room?

Uh, next to the library.

What about the supply room?
Next to the conference room.

How about your way back
here? Next to impossible.

You're gonna do just fine.

Well, I'm glad you'll be here

a couple of more
days to break me in.

Oh, believe me, Lorraine,

you're the only one
I'd trust with this job.

You're good. Oh, thanks.

Just for future reference,

the Governor doesn't
take anything in his coffee.

Okay, and how does
Taylor drink his coffee?

By himself. Lorraine, right?

Oh, and you must be Benson.

Marcy's told me all about you.

Well, maybe we can
be friends anyway.

I asked Benson to
come by and meet you.

If things get tough,
he's the one to see.

Yeah, I got the only
map to the escape tunnel.

Just give a yell if there's
anything I can do to help.

Okay. Well, I don't think
she's gonna need any.

Lorraine's already made
points with the Governor.

Oh, well, all I did was listen to his
story about the squirrel and the milkman.

And laughed.

It was funny.

You're right. She's
one in a million.

Ah. Nothing to do, eh, Benson?

Any messages? I'm expecting
a very important phone call.

You've been writing your
phone number on walls again?

Taylor, if there'd
been any phone calls,

we would have put
them right through to you.

Ah, so you've already instructed
Lorraine as to our telephone procedures?

Yeah, when the phone rings,
you pick it up and say hello.

No, I'm talking about screening
the calls as they come in.

Why, yes, Marcy gave
me the list right here.

Ah! Very good!

Of course you're aware
that we're going to be working

very, very closely
with one another.

I hope she's had all her sh*ts.

Well, uh... Catch you later.

You really are amazing.

I think Taylor likes you.

Oh, I don't think he's so bad.

Compared to nosebleeds, maybe.

Oh, I'm not worried, Benson.

I'm lucky, I guess,

but I've never met a person
I couldn't get along with.

Well, in that case, I'd like
you to meet Miss Kraus.

Hi, I'm Lorraine Sanders.

How do you do?

Is this your lovely coat?

Oh, yes, it is. Thank you.

Somehow your lovely coat
got left in the living room.

Miss Kraus... It does
not belong there!

No, you're absolutely
right, it doesn't.

I'm sorry.

You are?

Oh, a very bright girl.

I'm sure we will have a
lovely working relationship.

Oh, she's sweet.

So's flypaper.

Thank you for your
very detailed report.

Period.

In my most recent memo

to your committee...

Just let me know if I'm
going too fast for you.

Governor, at the
rate that you're talking,

even I could take dictation.

Taylor, I didn't know
you took shorthand.

It wasn't on his resume.

Of course those resumes
aren't all that reliable.

I think the material
tends to be slanted

in favor of the applicant.

Sir, the letter. We're already
late for our meeting at the capitol.

Oh, right, right, right.

Taylor really keeps
me on my toes.

And to think he
takes shorthand, too.

Well, now, where was I?

"In my most recent
memo to your committee..."

I clearly stated...

Uh, Marcy, would you send in

that latest memo
on the water project?

Oh, I took the liberty of
bringing it in with me, sir.

I thought you might
like to refer to it.

Oh, good, thank you.

Governor, all it says is that
you intend to write the letter.

Sir?

That memo doesn't
seem to be in the file.

That's all right, Marcy.
Lorraine brought it in.

Oh, I'm not surprised.

Ah, while you're here, get
Commissioner Hazlitt for me.

Oh, I already called his office

and he is planning to
attend the hearing next week.

Well, that's all I
wanted to know.

Very good work, Lorraine.

Yeah, very good.

Uh, sir, it's getting late.

Should I have the
limousine brought around?

Oh, I took care of
it. It's in the driveway.

Super!

Well, you certainly picked a
wonderful replacement for yourself.

Well, thank you. Thank you.

Governor, I think your driver
is getting tired of waiting.

He's playing Feelings
on the car horn.

Well, why don't
you ask him to stop?

I did. He doesn't take requests.

Sir, I really think
we should go.

No, I've got to do
this water letter.

Well, I could rough
one out for you, sir.

Or why don't I ride
with you to the capitol?

You can finish
the letter in the car.

Fabulous idea.

You mean you can ride
and write at the same time?

Sure.

And you don't get
carsick? Oh, no.

I do. I've always had
trouble with carsickness.

I remember one time my sister
was wearing her best dress.

We were riding along
in one of those old...

(SIGHS)

You okay?

Oh, sure.

Lorraine's terrific, isn't she?

Yeah, just like you said.

Yeah, but when I
said she was terrific,

I didn't know how terrific.

Well, what do you care?

In a couple of days
your biggest problem

is gonna be which
side to tan first.

Right.

I guess I can always use
the time to study my Italian.

Italian? I thought you
were going to the Caribbean.

Well, the ship has
an all-Italian crew.

Oh, all-Italian, eh?

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKING WITH ITALIAN
ACCENT) Would you do me the honor

and have dinner with
me at the captain's table?

Why, are you the captain?

Oh, no, I am the busboy.

(BOTH SINGING ITALIAN LOVE SONG)

(HUMMING)

Kraus, I'm trying
to concentrate here.

Okay, Kraus, what is it?

What do you mean?

That infernal humming!

Why are you humming?

I am humming because I am happy.

What's it to you?

Annoying.

I can't help it.

I am happy when
my plants are happy.

I don't hear them humming.

That's because you hear
only what you want to hear.

That's not true.

I hear you.

Hi. Hi, honey.

KRAUS: Hi. Time
for my coffee break.

You were just in
here 10 minutes ago.

No, no. That was
Lorraine's coffee break.

But she doesn't take
them. I was just filling in.

Well, between the two of you,

somebody's gonna
be up all night.

Oh, who's that for?

I fixed it for Lorraine.

Artichokes are her favorite.

You never fixed one for me.

You don't like them.

So, I could learn.

Marcy, you finished
packing yet? Yes.

Well, almost.

Actually, I haven't started
yet. I keep putting it off.

Hi, everyone.

MARCY: Hi. KRAUS:
Hello, Liebchen.

If that's what's for
lunch, I'm not hungry.

It's for Lorraine, anyway.

I've been looking for
her. Have you seen her?

She's in the office with
Taylor and your father, honey.

Is it something I
could help you with?

No, it was just something
personal we were discussing.

It can wait.

Ah, kids are funny.

She didn't mean anything.

I know that.

All right, Taylor,
you've made your point

and you're certainly
entitled to your opinion.

But the odds are you're wrong.

I'll take that bet.

Oh, Marcy, why
are you still here?

I thought you'd be home packing.

No, I'm all done.

Practically.

Anyway, I thought it would be a
good idea just to stick around today.

You know, just
kind of be available.

Remember, starting tomorrow,
you're gonna be on your own.

Well, don't be concerned
about us. We'll get along fine.

Just go ahead and
have a wonderful vacation

and completely
forget about this place.

You wouldn't have
to tell me that twice.

What a puny looking plant!

What's wrong with it?

Kraus talked it into jumping
into a pot of boiling water.

KRAUS: (SHOUTING) I hear you!

(IMITATING KRAUS)
"I hear you! I hear you!"

(IMITATES HEN CLUCKING)

A man can only take
so much of your...

(IMITATES CLUCKING)

Taylor,

is Lorraine really
doing all right?

Ah. Perfect.

Oh, you don't have to
worry about offending me.

I'd rather know about any
problems now, before I go away.

No, everything's
great, believe me.

Oh, Taylor. You
can level with me.

I know it must be hard
adjusting to somebody new.

Marcy, don't be ridiculous.

You trained Lorraine yourself.
You won't even be missed.

Wonderful.

Uh, yes, is this Mrs. Johnson?

Hi, this is Marcy Hill.

I'm on that Caribbean
cruise that leaves tomorrow.

Uh-huh.

I'd like to cancel my trip.

What are you doing?

Oh, just putting a few
things where they belong.

Who's this?

Lorraine's fiance.

Not a bad-looking
guy. No, he isn't.

The two of them look like they
belong right on top of a wedding cake.

Marcy, there's no
reason to be so upset.

Upset?

That's ridiculous.

I agree.

Why would I be upset?

I don't know.

Unless, maybe, you're
feeling a little threatened.

Threatened? By Lorraine.

Lorraine's no thr*at to me.

Unless, I was trying out
for a pom-pom girl, maybe.

Or Miss Congeniality.

"Governor, I had a spare moment,

"so I typed up the entire phone
book and repainted Guam."

Well, just so long
as you're not upset.

Well, maybe it's not
her fault, Benson.

Maybe she just can't help
being compulsive and pushy.

See, you're not being fair.

Oh, you're right.

I forgot bouncy and perfect.

Well, it's a big job and
Lorraine is just trying to step in.

Ain't that the truth?

You know what I mean.
You brought her in here.

Which only goes to
prove that I'm not perfect.

Look, are you gonna spend

your entire vacation
worrying about her?

No.

I've decided to cancel my trip.

Because of Lorraine?

Now wouldn't that be childish?

You said it, kid.

I'm expecting a visitor.

And you expect
me to believe that?

It's my father.

He may be coming to see me.

All the way from across town.

Marcy, there's no need
to cancel your plans.

You're blowing this
way out of proportion.

You'd see there's no problem

if you'd just step
back and take a look.

Hello. Hello.

I've looked long enough.

No, we have to get his
backing for the proposal.

Excuse me. You're excused.

Marcy's so thrilled
about her vacation,

she's going every which way.

She thought this
was the airport.

Oh, that's okay, Marcy. I've been
known to take a few wrong turns myself.

You see? No harm done. Let's go.

I'm sorry to interrupt
you, Governor,

but there's something
I want to tell you.

Yeah, goodbye!

Oh, you're leaving
now? She sure is.

Benson, please.

Oh, well, okay,

but we had planned to have
a little send-off after work.

That won't be necessary, sir.

Oh, you're right. Now
that you won't be here.

Any last minute things
you want to tell me, Marcy?

Yeah, but you don't
wanna hear 'em.

Let's go.

Governor, I'm not going!

Oh, good. Then we
can have the party.

You don't understand, sir.
My trip's been cancelled.

And so is your common sense.

Oh, Marcy, that's terrible.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah, it's completely
unnecessary.

Oh, Marcy, I'm so sorry.

I'm sure you are.

Well, what happened,
Marcy? Why can't you go?

Well, something came up.

But this is not the
time to bring it up.

It was just something
personal, sir.

Nothing that a nice,
long boat ride won't cure.

Oh, now that's true.

There is nothing like the salt air
to take your mind off your trouble.

Oh, I'll never forget
my Navy days.

Oh, Governor.

Out on the open ocean,

as far as the eye could see,

wherever I'd look, not a speck.

Completely took my mind
off the fact that we were lost.

Well, we'd have been
in a heck of a mess

if those Japanese
planes hadn't found us.

Governor, I'm not
taking the cruise.

I'm staying home.

Oh, I see.

Well, listen, Lorraine's here,

so you just go, take care
of whatever your problem is,

and come back to
work when you're ready.

No, sir.

It would be better if I
worked my way through this

by working my way through this.

May I say something?

I am very concerned
about Marcy's difficulties,

but I am more concerned that we get this
work done before Senator Glick arrives.

Now I want two
copies of this proposal.

Oh, I'll take care
of this, Marcy.

Oh, that's all right. You've already
done more than I counted on.

Oh, don't be silly.
That's why I'm here.

Yes, but I'm back now.

I can do it. I'll do it!

Unless I'm mistaken,

Taylor wanted two separate
and complete copies.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

I'm sorry.

Whatever her problem
is, it must be a doozy.

I think I know what it is, sir,

so I'll just get my things now.

It was real nice
working with all of you.

Hey, Lorraine,
uh, wait a minute.

Oh, wonderful!

All this work and we
have no secretaries.

Looks like we're on our own.

Good thing you take shorthand.

It's about time you showed up.

I've been looking
all over for you.

Oh, where else would I be
except here waiting to talk to you?

Oh, really?

I thought you'd be out
back building a gallows.

Benson, how could I
have behaved like that?

I give up.

What in the world made me
think Lorraine was after my job?

She only did what I
asked. It wasn't her fault.

It was mine.

And look what I
did to her and to me.

I feel like such an idiot.

Always trust your feelings.

You know, I really
wanted you all to like her.

And then when you
did, I got jealous,

totally irrational,
just plain stupid!

You sure you need
me here for this?

Well, I thought you might
stop me when I'd said enough.

I'll let you know
when you get there.

Okay, I'm a lousy
person. I'm rotten.

Hating Lorraine
for doing a good job.

Hating myself for
hating Lorraine.

Hating Lorraine for
making me hate myself.

Hating my mother
for not being there.

You should be
glad she missed this.

I was referring to a dance
recital when I was eight.

What, do you think these kind of
problems just happen overnight?

I'm talking big-time
insecurity here.

Marcy, how can you
think so little of yourself?

Practice. Years of it.

In high school,

I introduced my prom
date to my little sister...

I know.

He asked her out.

Today, they have two kids
and a second home in Vail.

Marcy, these kinds of
things happen to everyone.

But that was a long time ago.

Benson, I just spent three
days watching everyone carry on

with Lorraine as though
I'd never even existed.

I wasn't even gone yet
and I was already forgotten.

I was scared.

Scared? Yes.

Why?

Because someone else
can keep the office running

and be respected
for doing their job?

Well, the least she could have
done was make a mistake or two.

Well, I know how you feel,
but the truth of the matter is

that none of us
are indispensable.

There are hundreds of people
out there who could do your job.

Or mine, or Kraus',
and there are at least

four baby chimps who
could fill in for Taylor.

You could walk right
out that front door now

and the job would
still get done.

This is not what I
was waiting to hear.

Well, it's too bad about that.

But, you see, Marcy,
there's more to it than work.

Lorraine is nice.

She is efficient.

And we do like her.

But she's not you.

We love you, Marcy.
Don't you know that?

So somebody can walk
in and take over your job,

but no one in the world
can take your place.

God, I want to believe that.

Believe it.

It's true.

Really?

Now you know me.

Would I be here if it weren't?

No.

So?

So, what? So, bon voyage!

If you can still
get on the boat.

Well, yeah, they...
they just told me

it was too late
to cancel my trip.

So I guess if I
have to pay for it,

I might as well take it.

Oh, what do I say to Lorraine?

Oh, don't worry about
her. She's still here.

I told her to cool her heels
until I had a chance to talk to you.

Well, I certainly
owe her an apology.

I don't know what to say to her.

Ask her to help you pack.

I don't know how to thank you.

Take Kraus with you.

I cannot understand why
this plant is not doing well.

I give it a lot of attention.

Maybe that's the problem.

I just don't know what I
could have done wrong.

Face it, Kraus. You've got 10
thumbs and not one of 'em is green.

Ta-da! Oh.

Marcy! Oh! Hey!

How was your trip?

Oh, fabulous!

There's nothing like
a Caribbean cruise.

You really have to
go on one, Gretchen.

Hey, I'll pump up
the rubber raft for you.

Come on, Marcy.
Tell us all about it.

I have never been there,

but I have seen pictures
of the beautiful islands

with the crystal-clear lagoons

und the waving palm trees...

Will you let her tell it?

I've got some pictures of
my own, Gretchen. Here, look.

What... What...
What is this, a wall?

Well, I guess I was
standing a little close.

That's the boat.

Uh-uh, no. This...
This is the sun deck.

Now the first day I spent
way too much time in the sun,

so I spent the next
three days in my cabin

covered from head
to toe with cream.

You're supposed to
put the cream on before.

Okay, now the next one.

Oh, there was this
huge tropical storm,

and one night, in the
middle of the night,

I was thrown out of my bunk and
the way I landed I twisted my ankle.

So, this is a sh*t of the
storm from my porthole.

(BENSON MUTTERING)

Who knows?

Oh, isn't that a little blurry?

Well, it's hard to hold a camera
steady when you're on crutches.

Oh.

Well, just so you
had a good time.

I did. I really did.

The last four days made
the whole thing worthwhile.

As a matter of fact, I'm
gonna go back again next year.

Well, go back
the last four days,

and you'll save a lot of money.

Oh, and look...

NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped

before a studio audience.
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