07x22 - And the Winner Is...

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "Benson". Aired: September 13, 1979 – April 19, 1986.*
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Spin off from Soap - Benson DuBois is hired to be the head of household affairs for widowed Governor Eugene X. Gatling and his daughter Katie.
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07x22 - And the Winner Is...

Post by bunniefuu »

Last time on "Benson"...

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the next governor
Of our beautiful state --

Lieutenant governor
Benson dubois!

[ cheers and applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

The nominee
For lieutenant governor,

Senator leonard tyler!

The man called in
All his favors.

He weaseled his way
Into the nomination.

The fact is that your opponent,
Senator gate,

Is way behind in the polls.

You are going to be
The next governor, sir.

Judge bennet was discussing
The constitution,

And he said...
[ clears throat ]

...That you could run
For a third term.

So, are you planning
To use this loophole?

Yeah, I'm gonna run again,
Benson.

If we run against
Each other,

We could wind up splitting
The vote.

The race for governor
Is heating up.

Rumors have it that
The stress of the campaign

Has driven a wedge
Between governor gatling

And lieutenant governor
Dubois.

Reporting for cap-tv,

This is jose k. Smith
From the governor's mansion.

Kraus, would you
Come in here a moment?

Miss kraus:
Not now! I'm tied up!

What happened,
The witch trials go badly?

Well, all right.
What is it?

I don't have time
To stand around here all day.

I am busy!

Where is that photographer?

He was supposed to be here
A half hour ago.

His office called.

He ran into trouble
On the highway.

That's the lamest excuse
I've ever heard.

Why didn't you tell me?

I just did.

I was on the phone
With them

When you started
Insulting me.

That's ridiculous.

I started insulting you
Seven years ago.

Look, I'm running late.
We're gonna have to cancel.

You can't cancel him.

He's the biggest photographer
In town.

He's also the latest
Photographer in town.

I'm supposed to be
At a radio interview!

Benson,
What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be
At a radio interview.

See?

How did
The photo session go?

He didn't show.

You didn't show for that,
Either?

No, not me.
Him.

The photographer
Didn't show.

Well,
What is his problem?

Well, he broke down
On the highway.

Oh, come on, benson.
That's a lame excuse.

See?

Who is this person,
Anyway?

He is henry brooks,

The biggest photographer
In town.

Sorry I'm late.

This guy could be the biggest
Photographer in the world.

Where have you been?

And no phony excuses
About the highway.

Diane, sweetheart,
Maybe I should handle this.

No, I'm really sorry
I'm late.

I hate being late!

It makes me crazy!

Look, it's okay.
It could happen to anyone.

No, it's not okay.

He threw
Our whole schedule off.

Sweetheart,
The man is very big.

It could happen to anyone.

I hit a compact --

A little
Four-cylinder compact.

Uh, kraus,
Why don't you get mr. Brooks

A dozen doughnuts
And an urn of coffee?

What? Oh, ja, ja.
Sure. Okay.

I've got cameras
Bigger than that car.

You probably got shoes
Bigger than that car.

Benson, what do you want me
To do about the interview?

See if they mind taking
An interview on the phone.

Right.

You don't mind if I work
While you photograph, do you?

No, that's
What I'm looking for.

Hey, hank.
How's it going?

Hey, clayton.

Oh, you know clayton?

I play basketball with him
On the weekends.

Can't you get
A real basketball?

He's hard to dribble,
Isn't he?

Benson, I have a message
For you from the governor.

What is it?

Governor: since I am no longer
Talking to you in person,

This will be our new way
Of communicating.

If you would like to respond,
Please do so after the beep.

Wait for the beep!

Beep!

Well?

Amazing.

Well, aren't you
Going to respond?

No, no.

Why not?

It's a silly idea.

Thank you.

You and the governor
Are being such nitwits,

I have a good mind not to vote
For either one of you.

Uh, brooks,
Take some pictures of this.

Kraus!

Miss kraus:
Ja?

Okay, buster.
Let's go.

Who do you think
You're talking to?

Just who do you think
I am talking to?

Uh, polite conversation
Has broken down.

I am being forcibly ejected

From the lieutenant
Governor's office

By his, uh, henchwoman.

I just talked
To the radio station.

We've been rescheduled
For tomorrow afternoon.

Good. What does the rest
Of the day look like?

Uh, let's see.

: -- polish sausage
And sauerkraut

At the falcon hall.

: -- judging a chili
Cook-off in the barrio.

: -- opening
Arthur's castle of pies.

And if I'm lucky,

At : I get
My stomach pumped.

After that,

You receive your honorary
Antlers at the moose hall.

I don't have to eat them,
Too, do I?

No, you wear them.

Okay.
Well, thank you, diane.

You've planned
A really fun day.

Come on.
Let's get going.

Uh, mr. Brooks,
I want you to tag along.

I want some pictures
Of these events.

We'll take my car.

Okay.

She doesn't have a compact,
Does she?

You'll be okay.
She's got a sunroof.

Diane, you'll be interested
To know

That I just made the best
Political speech of my career

And had the worst food
I've ever eaten in my life.

That bad?

Yeah, but I guess
It serves me right

For giving a speech before
The beet growers association.

What did you have?

Beet loaf.

Listen, I was hoping we could
Go over some of the questions

For tonight's debate.

The governor's gonna be
Pretty tough.

And senator gate won't be
A pushover, either.

Oh, did you hear
What happened?

No. What?
[ laughs ]

Well, actually,
I guess it's kind of funny.

He broke both his legs.

Benson!

Well, that's not
The funny part.

What?
What happened?

Well, he rented
An elephant,

And he had "Vote for gate"
Written on it.

And he climbed aboard

And took off
Down waterson boulevard.

On an elephant?

Yeah, and you know
That low bridge

Down there where
Waterson crosses elm?

Oh, no.

Yeah, yeah.
Poor devil.

Broke both his legs.

Oh, benson,
That's terrible.

Yeah. Awful.
[ laughs ]

But he learned
A valuable lesson.
What's that?

Elephants don't duck.

Benson, benson.

[ laughs ]

I've got it.

Oh, senator tyler.
How nice of you to stop by.

Oh, hello,
Senator hartford.

Guess what, benson.

I finally got some dirt
On gene gatling.

Did you bring it
From home?

He lives under a rock.

Uh, no, no.

I have proof
That during world w*r ii,

Dirty gene took money
From the department of the navy.

Really?
Is that true?

Of course it's true.

He's a sailor.
He got paid every month.

Is that what
You're talking about?

Well, we don't have to
Tell them that part.

Get out.

Come on, benson.
Please!

This is our only chance.
We need an edge.

Sharpen your head.

Look, benson, face it --
We're a long sh*t.

I don't know if this has
Occurred to you, but...

You're black.

You're pink.

And you're bald!

Get out!

I'm not bald.

I have a high forehead.

It's gone!
Get out!

Receding?

Evaporated.
Get out.

Look, benson.
Kraus!

Okay, okay.

Guten morgen, benson.

Morning, kraus.

Well, I can see
By your calm expression,

You don't know about
The disaster.

It's about senator tyler,
Isn't it?

Ja.
How did you know?

The word "Disaster"
Gave it away.

Do you know what your
Esteemed running mate,

Senator tyler,
Said on television last night?

No.

He called the governor
A blood-sucking pirate.

[ laughs ]

Well, just ignore
The little twit.

Then you don't want to hear
What he said about you.

Me? What did he say
About me?

I thought you didn't
Want to know.

Kraus, don't get cute.

What am I saying?

Oh, well, benson,
It is only mudslinging.

I mean,
Far be it from me

To be the cause
Of your grouchy mood.

You're always the cause
Of my grouchy mood.

Doesn't matter.
Tell me what he said.

He said
That his best friend

And running mate,
Benson dubois,

Could prove
That everything he said

About the governor
Was true.

Where did he get that?
That lying little...

Weasel?

Well, no, I wasn't
Gonna say "Weasel,"

But that'll be okay.

Talking about me,
Benson?

As long as you're here,
Yes.

Oh, not satisfied taking
Pot sh*ts at the governor.

Now you're after me?

Benson had nothing
To do with what happened

On television last night,
Und I can prove it.

He was with me
All night long.

Kraus, no matter
How bad things get,

Don't ever say that.

I was just trying
To help.
Well, don't.

To be perfectly candid,

I don't care
What the governor thinks.

He'll get over it in time.

Clayton, what are you doing
In this nest of rattlesnakes?

So he'll need more time.

How could you
Have humiliated me

That way on television?

I had nothing to do with it.
It was senator tyler's idea.

Are you trying to tell me

You're not the brains
Behind this malicious att*ck?

I already told you
It was tyler's idea.

How could there be
Any brains behind it?

He's your running mate.

I hold you
Directly responsible!

Well, that's stupid!

Ah!
So now I'm stupid, huh?

No, no, no, no.

Hold it, hold it.
I didn't say you were stupid.

I said what you said
Was stupid.

Oh!

That is a fine line,
Isn't it, benson?

Well, see?
If you were stupid,

You wouldn't have
Picked up on that.

Well, that little stunt

Has made me the laughingstock
Of the state,

And we are not
Going to forget it.

Are we, clayton?

No, sir.
You know how I stand.

Ja,
On two spindly legs.

Can we just
Forget about this

And behave
In a logical manner?

All right.
Logic, huh?

You want logic.
All right.

You humiliated me
On television.

So when we debate,

I am going to humiliate you
On television.

How do you like that?

Well, I think
You just stepped over

That fine line
We were talking about.
So?

So if you want a fight,
You've got one.

Fine, benson.
Just remember this.

When I am elected governor

For an unprecedented
Third term,

Don't come crawling to me
For a job!

Well, just so you know

That I haven't sunk
To your despicable level --

When I am elected governor,

There will be a job
In the mansion

For you and your
Ubiquitous yes-man.

Doing what?

Get away from me.

All right, gentlemen.

We're just about ready
To go here.

Quiet!

Stand by.

, , , !

[ up-tempo music plays ]

Man: ladies and gentlemen,
Welcome to "Prove it!"

Here's your host,

America's favorite
Television journalist,

Kenton peak!

[ cheers and applause ]

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you,
Ladies and gentlemen.

All right.

Now, tonight
We have with us

Our two top political
Candidates.

They both claim that they
Would be the perfect choice

To be the next governor
Of this great state!

What do you say?

Prove it! Prove it!
Prove it! Prove it!

Right!

Okay, you guys,
Let's get right to it.

Governor,
Your lieutenant governor

Feels that you
Have been playing footsies

With big business
Over the water interests.

How do you answer that?

I have always kept an eye
On the impact

Of business
On the environment.

But now I feel
That the time has come

To expand our financial base
And bring in more jobs.

And I think
Those two things

Can exist successfully
Side by side.

All right. That answer makes
A lot of sense to me.

So I can only assume that you,
Lieutenant governor,

Do not want jobs
For the people of our state.

Well, you assume wrong,
Mr. Peak.

I do want jobs
For the people of this state.

You want to be
A little more specific?

Yes.

I just think
That we should wait

Until further studies
Can be made.

On what?

On the availability of water
For this expansion

So that we can minimize
The effect on the farmers.

That's it?

You mean to tell me
That the only thing

That separates you two guys

Is the fact that you would wait
A little longer

To make the same decision?

Essentially, yes.

I would like to say
That I have been the victim

Of the dirtiest smear campaign
This state has ever seen.

And this vicious att*ck
Was masterminded

By the lieutenant governor,
Mr. Benson dubois!

Hold it, hold it,
Hold it, hold it.

That's not true,
And you know it.

Now, I have not been
A party to,

Nor have I authorized,

Any smear tactics
In my campaign.

Oh, come off it, benson.

I been called everything
From a blood-sucking pirate

To a fugitive from
The cia!

It is not fault if my little
Bald running mate

Has a flair
For the dramatic.

You put him up to it.

I did not!

Oh, boy!
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

The sparks are flying tonight,
Huh, ladies and gentlemen?

Okay, let's take a call
From one of our viewers.

Hello?
You're on the air!

You've reached the peak!

Woman:
Uh, I'd like to know --

Wait. Wait.
Wait a minute, lady.

What's your name?

My name is antoinette.

Hi, antoinette.
What's your question?

Uh, I'd like to know
What sign the governor is.

Sign?

Oh!
Oh, what sign!

Oh!

I'm an independent.

Next.

Hello.
You're on the air.

This is duke.

Hey, duke.
What's your question?

Let's settle
This roger maris question

Once and for all.

home runs
Is home runs!

Next!

No asterisk!

Next.

That was from last night's show,
You guys.

Okay.

You're on the air.

You've reached the peak!

Miss kraus:
Uh, hello?

Hello.
You're on the air.

Hello?

Hello, you're on --

Hello!
Can you hear me?

Yes, lady,
I can hear you.

You're on the air.
What's your name?

Well, I would like
To remain anomalous.

Hello, mrs. Anomalous.

What's your question?

I would like to say
That these two men

Are the nicest people
I've ever worked with.

That's not a question, lady!
Get to the point!

Hey, don't push me,
Buster,

Or I'll come down there
And give you a fat lip!

If that's who I think it is,
She can do it.

Lady,
Do you have a question?

Ja.

Does benson have to keep
His hands in his pockets?

Goodbye, lady!

Weirdos!

[ laughs ]

Listen, certain sources
Have indicated to me

That the governor feels
That you're just not doing

A good job
As the lieutenant governor.

Is that true?

Well, if it is,
It's the first I've heard of it.

The governor would be
The best man to answer that.

Governor?

No, I don't really feel
That benson's done a bad job

As lieutenant governor.

What's between me and him
Is a personal matter.

Oh, a personal matter!

Oh.

Just between you and me,
What is it?

He said I flip-flopped!

Flip-flopped!
Me!

And he said I sold out,
And he hasn't apologized.

I do not intend
To apologize.

You have
Flip-flopped yourself

Right into the middle
Of this campaign!

What does that mean?

What does it mean?
Ha!

Well, I thought you
And I agreed

That I would run for governor
And you would support me!

I look around,
And weeks later,

You decide
To flip-flop yourself,

And you're running
For governor!

All right, all right.

Maybe, on the surface,
That might seem shallow,

But try to see it
From my point of view!

There is a spirit
To this administration

That I would like
To carry forward

Into the next four years!

I thought we agreed that's why
I was running for governor.

But katie couldn't graduate
With her class.

Katie?

Yeah, you know,
And she wouldn't...

Benson,
I love being governor.

It's the best thing
That ever happened to me.

Didn't you ever stop to think
What it would mean to me?

I didn't mean to hurt
Your feelings.

Yeah, but you jeopardized
The entire campaign.

We could both
Wind up losing!

That certainly wasn't
My intention.

Yeah, but that may be
The result!

Well, I just thought
You'd withdraw

And then run again
In four years.

You've known me
Seven years.

I look like the kind of guy
That's gonna withdraw?

Well, you want me
To withdraw?

Would you?

No.

Well, that I can understand.

I can understand it,
Too, benson.

Well, I think
We can all understand that,

Huh, ladies and gentlemen?

Is this beautiful?

Ah, it looks to me
Like these two bitter rivals

Have finally become friends.

Prove it! Prove it!
Prove it! Prove it!

You know
How we can prove it?

I think it would be beautiful

If we could see these two guys
Give each other a big hug.

What do you say, audience?

[ cheers and applause ]

Smith:
This gubernatorial race

Has turned out a lot closer
Than anybody predicted.

With the last-minute
Sympathy vote,

Senator gate has made
A three-way race

Out of this election.

With only precincts
Yet to report,

It is virtually a dead heat
Between governor gatling,

Lieutenant governor
Benson dubois,

And senator gate.

Well, benson.

I thought you'd be
At party headquarters.

Well, I was.

But it got a little noisy
Over there,

So I thought I'd watch
The results over here.

Pretty good idea.

Mind if I join you?

No, no.
Sit.

So, benson,
How's it going here?

Oh, good.
How are you doing?

Good, good.

I was just thinking --

No matter which way
It goes...

It'll be the end
Of an era.

Yeah.
Seven great years.

Seven years, yeah.
Boy, I'm telling you.

I remember
When I first came here.

I was head
Of household affairs.

I was a brand-new governor.

Yeah, yeah.

And then you appointed me
Budget director.

I was the governor.

And I then I got elected
Lieutenant governor.

I was still the governor.

Looking back on it all,
Though,

It gives me
A great feeling.

That's easy for you
To say.

You weren't stuck in
The same job.

Well, look at it
This way --

Senator gate could take
The whole thing,

And we'd both be out
Of a job.

If that happens,
Let's go fishing.

Why the hell not?

You want to go fishing?

I'd rather be governor.

Me too.

Oh, I think something's
Happening here.

With only seven precincts
To report,

Cap-tv has projected a winner.

Good luck, benson.

Good luck, governor.

And the winner is...
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