Mortal Kombat Legends: Cage Match (2023)

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Mortal Kombat Legends: Cage Match (2023)

Post by bunniefuu »

(saxophone jazz music playing)

-(music continues)

-(vehicles honking)

(music continues)

(grunting) Hey! What the...

(both grunting)

-(man) Watch it!

-(woman gasps)

Come on!

Hey, watch it, assh*le.

(pants, grunts)


Where are you off to in such a hurry?

Wherever I want. Now get out of my way!


-Okay, chill, man!

I'm moving.

(passengers clamoring)






I'm safe. No way he finds me up here.

(cocks g*n)


It's just your nerves, Tommy.

He's not here.

He can't be.



All right, you snooty clown.

You won't take me without a fight.

(grunts angrily)


Speak, damn you! Say something.

Say anything!


Mime the gap.

(man) And, boom!

Wow, look at that.

My agent was right.

This is it. My big break.

The one that takes me

from C-list action guy

to A-list action guy.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

You don't even know who I am.

Let me introduce myself.

My name is--

(director) Cut!

-(body thuds)

-(bell buzzing)

(man) Nope. My name is not "Cut."

But you get that. You're smart.

Unlike that guy, the director,

and I use that term very loosely.

He's only here because he made

a really popular shampoo commercial...

-(man groaning)

-...somewhere in Yugoslavia.

Now, you'd think a guy like that

would be grateful for the opportunity.

(laughing) But no.

Not this guy.

And you know why?

Because he's a bully,

and there's nothing on this earth

I hate more than a bully.

What the hell was that?

-What the hell was what?


The line is, "Gravity's a b*tch."

Not "Mime the gap"!

We have to have that line.

Remember, you say it at the beginning,

and then it comes into play at the end.

Oh, come on, Ethan.

We both know that

"gravity's a b*tch" is a terrible line.

You don't see the writer

-raising his hand to complain.

-Uh, guys, could you...

And honestly, even if he did,

he's just a writer.

I can always toss a can of Blab

out the window

and get another one

that will beg for a chance

to rewrite this garbage.

(director) I don't need some diva

D-list action star improvising lines.

I was found in the slums of Thailand,

where I worked as an assassin,

k*lling men with only my pinky.

So if you wanna keep giving me grief,

then, pal, we can end this right now.


(man) And that, ladies and gentlemen,

is what we call acting.


Yeah, I... I mean,

"Mime the gap" is pretty clever.

(chuckles nervously)

After all,

filmmaking is about collaboration.

We can make it work.

In fact, I love it. Great idea.

Glad you came around.

Now, don't bother me.

We've got one more day of sh**ting

before Christmas break

and your star needs some "me" time.

Chuck. I thought I said no orange ones.

The dye will k*ll me.

You want me to die, Chuck?

No, Mr. Cage. Of course I don't.

I... I would...

I'd give my life for you, sir.

(Johnny) Oh, I bet he would.

That's Chuck, my assistant.

Fresh off the bus from who-knows-where.

I mean, he told me,

but boring info like that

just slips away, you know?

Good kid.

A little obsessed with yours truly.

But who isn't?

All right, keep up the autographing.

There are some adoring fans

desperate to see my face.

(Brian) Johnny! Johnny!

Oh, man. We are screwed, kid.

(Johnny) Brian Van Jones,

producer extraordinaire.

Good guy.

We've done a few films overseas.

Nothing you'd remember.

But this movie is as much of a break

for him as it is for me.

Is this about the rewrite?

Now, before you get upset,

did you hear the line?

You are gonna love it.

I throw the guy off the train

and I'm like, "Mime"--

No, Johnny, it's Jennifer.

She's gone.

Who's Jennifer?

Oh. My co-star, Jennifer?

Yes, your co-star. The star.

Well, I don't know if she's "the."

Her most important scene

is slated for tomorrow,

-and we can't find her.

-(Chuck groans)

What? Wait.

Are you hitting the booger sugar again,

Brian? Come on.

(scoffs) I wish.

She's not answering her phone,

her assistant's disappeared.

And if we can't get her

on set by tomorrow,

this movie doesn't get finished.

And then we're screwed.

We pre-sold this movie

all over the world on her name.

I've a million dollars

coming from Nigeria.

Nigeria, Johnny.

You know how hard that is

in a country that has three theaters?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean,

we know who the main draw

for this thing is, right?

Yeah, she is.

I don't know what we're gonna do.

Without that scene...

This was my big break, you know?

A red one?

You know red dye will k*ll you, right?

Mr. Cage says that's the orange ones.

No, orange ones are fine.

Red ones will blow out your ass

and melt your stomach.

Everybody knows that.

-I could do--

-Brian, calm down.

I'm on your side here.

Now what if I head over

to Jennifer's house

and show her a little

Johnny Cage charisma?

Really, Johnny? You'd do that?

Oh, come on, man.

There's nothing to worry about.

Johnny Cage has it handled.

(Brian) You're a special guy, Johnny.

(Johnny) In retrospect,

this is where everything went sideways.

See my name

In the bright lights I got the fame

And the film lights, it's my time...

I've finished sending the gifts

requested to your family and friends.


We're almost to the finish line, Chuck.

After I convince Jennifer

to come back to the set,

we can finally take a break.

And by "we," I mean "me,"

'cause I'll need you

to work through the holiday.

It really is the most

wonderful time of the year.

Indeed, sir.

Though, it's strange to celebrate

Christmas without any snow.

Snow? (scoffs)

You can leave that sh*t

to the suckers on the East Coast.

Me, I like to celebrate

Baby JC's birthday,

same initials, by the way, right here

in sunny SoCal.

Golden sunshine,

blue skies, pretty girls.

-She's still looking?






I'm so famous...

Mr. Cage. Can I ask you a question?

Yes. My hair is real.

No, I can't actually

punch through metal.

And, yes, it's true

what they said about Dolly and I,

but I don't like to talk about it.

No. No, I... I just...

I just want to know how you got so cool.

Good question, Chuck.

And lucky for you, we have a few minutes

for me to regale you on the origins

of the Adonis you see before you.

I was once like you.

Truth is,

I was bullied a lot in school.

You were?

Yeah, I was.

From Paris to Japan

(Johnny) Let's start at the beginning.


(Johnny) Yep, there I am.

Getting my ass handed to me

in gym class.

(cackles) You're gonna cry, little baby?

Aw, little baby's gonna cry.

(bullies laughing)

(Johnny) Well, of course I'm gonna cry,

you pizza-faced assh*le.

You just threw a basketball at my nose.


(Johnny) My mom tried calling

the principal, the teachers.

They all said the same thing.

"Boys will be boys.

Things will get better."

But they didn't.

It got worse.


-(bullies laughing)



(young Johnny whimpering)

(toilet flushing)

(Johnny) My mom, a saint among saints.

The person who always said

fighting was for Neanderthals,

had had enough.

She took me to the local dojo... of those strip mall places

you've seen a dozen times.

This wasn't some sort of fly-by-night,

black-belt-for-money joint.

This was the real deal.

That's when I met Master Boyd.

And my life changed forever.

("Rise To The Top"

by Kevan Gallagher playing)

Fed by love and good desire

A will of steel take you even higher

Bad memories that howl my name

That ember soon became a scorching flame

I'm coming back to rise again

I feel this will be the best of me

Nothing can slow me down

Or make me stop

'Cause nothing can stand in my way

I'm coming back to rise again

I feel this will be the best of me

Nothing can slow me down

Or make me stop

'Cause nothing can stand in my way

I'm gonna rise to the top

(Johnny) I had learned a lot

in a short time,

but the greatest lesson

wasn't about how to kick or punch.

It was something else.


(bully) Oh, look at that.

Little Johnny finally learned

how to move out of the way.

Where do you think

you're going, Carlton?

We're not through talking to you yet.

(Johnny) All those people that said

being bullied is a part of life,

that it'll get better,

they're full of sh*t.

The truth is, it only gets better

when you fight back.

(bully growls)




(Johnny) Yeah, I got in trouble,

but it was worth it.

Therein lies the lesson.

Weak people bully.

But the minute you push back,

they fold like a hideaway bed.

After that,

I poured myself into martial arts.

My master said I was special,

taught me everything he knew.

But that wasn't enough.

I traveled everywhere.

I have so many miles now.

Learning from the greatest

martial arts masters around the planet.

Hapkido, kendo, savate.

I pronounced all of those correctly.

But eventually, all roads led here.

To beautiful, sunny California.

Stop! Thief! Stop him!

(thief groans)

Kid, this is your lucky day.

(upbeat pop song playing on stereo)

So, Chuck, what'd you learn

from that well-told

and incredibly inspirational story?

It's important to develop

your inner strength

to help those in need.

And become a hero

to the world around you.


Kick first, be awesome, make money.

Here, I'll make it simple for you.

Write this down. W-W-J-C-D.

What would Johnny Cage do?

What would Johnny Cage do?

I just said that.

You're gonna be okay, Chuck.

And we're here.

Under neon lights, it's paradise

And this is your time

So keep on dancing

-Dancing through the night...


I'm sorry, Mr. Cage.

I know how important

Ninja Mime is to your career.

Maybe... Maybe she's left town.

-(engine and stereo turn off)

-Just because she didn't answer,

doesn't mean she's not there.

I'll just hop the fence,

take a look-see.

Oh! Uh...

Do me a favor, Chuck.

Go down the hill and get my ride washed.

Maybe I should stay

for a few minutes until--

Listen, Chuck,

conversations with the ladies

tend to go on longer than a few minutes.

Get me?

No. No, I don't.

Anyway, make sure

you get the wheels done.

And don't scratch it.

I'm counting on you, Chuck.

-(engine starting)

-(tires screeching)

I got it!


Oh, the things I do for fame.


Ugh! I've seen some dumps in my time,

but, wow.

You think she'd have

a little more self-respect.

I mean, hire a housekeeper.

Way to turn the libido down to one.

(women moaning, grunting)

(grunting continues)

Yoo-hoo! Everyone decent?

-(women groaning)

-(blades swishing)

(objects clattering)

(women grunting)


We should've k*lled you

when we had the chance, Ashrah.

Yes, Kia. You should have.


(both grunting)

(both straining)

Ladies. Ladies, I'm not sure

what's going on here,

but I'm looking for Jennifer.

Now I'd be happy to give this back if--


-Oh, sh*t!

(Johnny groaning) f*ck.

(Johnny) Okay. Okay. Okay.



(Johnny groaning)

Okay. Please just let me...

f*ck! f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck...

(Kia laughing)


Whoa! Slow down.


(Johnny) Hmm?

(both grunting)



Obviously, this is turning us both on.

Can you feel that?

But I don't have time.

I'm looking for Jennifer.

Do you know where she is?

(Johnny) Get back here, Frisbee Hat.

Okay, wait for me!

I said, wait!


(device beeping)

Is that a...

Oh, sh*t.




(Johnny) I'd like to say that

I'm about to chase after them

because I'm concerned about Jennifer,

and not about getting a movie finished.

Ah, sh*t!

And that's sort of true.

Jennifer's well-being

is critical to the film,

so, in reality,

I am worried about her,

which makes me less of a jerk

than we're all probably thinking I am.


Phew! Glad we got that figured out.

Oh, man.

I hope I don't get blamed for this.

(upbeat rock song playing)

(whistling along)

(man yelps)

(song continues)



(Johnny) Slow down!

Stop! Please!

(man) Hey, come back here with my car!

(man grunts)

(engine revs)

-Are you kidding me, you jerk!

-(indistinct shouting)

Oh, come on.

(over speakers) And over here

we have the home of Jennifer,

world-famous actress.

Oh, smells like she's having

a backyard barbecue of some sort.

I'm sorry, sir. This is a private tour.

I need you to follow that bike.

Sir... Wait. Do I know you?

Of course you do. I'm Johnny Cage,

action star extraordinaire.


Hmm. Yeah. Actually,

I'm really more into dramas.

Yeah, well, needless to say,

I have connections.

And if you catch that bike,

I'll read your script.

How'd you know I'm a writer?

Everyone's a writer in this town, baby.

Now move!

-(song continues)


-(microphone feedback ringing)

-Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

So glad you could join us on the tour.

If you look off to your left,

you'll see my good friend Tom's chateau.

Yes, it's true. He does his own stunts.

But it's because

he doesn't have much to live for.

And over there I found out

girls really do just wanna have fun

with that quirky pop star

you all know and love.


(both grunt)

(tires squealing)

Tell my sister hello.


We'll find you, Ashrah.

And when we do...


Ugh, freaking pigeons.

There she is.

All right, team, get me closer.

Um, are you sure that's a good idea?

I've seen my stunt doubles

do this half a dozen times.

How hard could it be?

(song continues)

(Johnny) Turns out, really hard.


Ahhh! Now who'll read my spec?


I'm alive.


-Mr. Cage,

I saw you jump on the bus,

so I thought I'd follow and--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't need

the play-by-play. Get me to that car.

Yes, sir.

(engine accelerating)




Miss me?

Are you always so aggressive?

(both grunting)

(Johnny groans) Okay.

Just tell me where Jennifer is,

then you can have your dumb scroll.

I don't know.

Now give it to me.

Well, it's been real... bad.

It's been really bad. Later, babe.


Okay. Drive this... (groans)

(traffic cones thudding)



-(thudding continues)


-(car door crashing)


You know, you're a real b*tch.



-(man) Hey.

-(dance music playing on speakers)

Ladies, what do you think

about the pool?

Brand new.

(women laughing)

Are you okay?

Better than okay. Look what I have.

What is it?

No idea.

But if those kung fu b*tches

were willing to blow up a house

and try to k*ll me,

it has to be important. Pull over.

It's literally a star map.

And what's this on the back?

It looks Greek to me.

You should leave the jokes to me, son.

No, I'm being serious. That's Greek.

You know Greek?

Remember when you starred

in that film Gist of my Fist?

That one producer?

Well, he sent me everything

over in Greek.

-I had to translate it for your lawyer.


So, what does it say?

No idea.

But I have a Greek dictionary

back at home.

We can go by and pick it up.

Oh! Maybe you can finally

autograph my poster of--

Shut up. Well, whatever it is,

it's the reason

that Jennifer is missing.

Which means

there's only one thing left to do.

-Recast Jennifer.

-Go to the police.

I mean, go to the police.

Right. Yes. That's the smart move.

Come on.

(Ashrah) I've failed you, Master.

I've lost the scroll.

Kia was there.

And another.

A most formidable warrior.

(man) Warrior?

Yes. He had a strong jaw.

If I were of this world,

I would say... handsome.

If not for his determined spirit

and distracting smell,

I would have the scroll,

and the forces of darkness

would never have had a chance to escape.

(man) You still have time, Ashrah.

The longest night is yet to come.

I will not fail you again...

Lord Raiden.

I do not doubt it.

And neither should you.


What is the name of this warrior?

He is called Johnny Cage.


Go. Retrieve the map and see

if you can enlist this warrior's help.

But Master, I can--

A cord of many strands

is not so easily broken.

Besides, there may be more

to this Johnny Cage than meets the eye.

(electricity crackling)

(pop song playing on car stereo)

(cell phone ringing)

Chuckie, grab that, would you?

Johnny Cage's car. How can I help you?

Give me that.

You're in the Cage with Johnny.

(David) Johnny, it's your f*cking

beloved agent, Dave.

I need you to swing by

the f*cking office right f*cking now.

Calm down, Dave. I would love to.

But I'm kind of in the middle

of saving my movie.

-Jennifer has gone missing--

-(David) Johnny!

I don't care if you're trying

to save a f*cking orphanage

from closing on f*cking Christmas.

-(Johnny mouthing)

-I just got the biggest f*cking offer

of your career.


-(bleep) ...wants you

for his next f*cking picture.

(Johnny) Yeah. That (bleep).

Why the hell is that being bleeped?

Legal? All right. Fine, fine.

Everyone knows

who I'm talking about anyway, right?

I mean, he did (bleep) and (bleep).

sh*t, seriously?

Okay, this... director... (exhales)

has the Midas touch.

One year, he'll make an adventure flick

that makes a bazillion dollars,

and the next, a dramatic picture

that wins all the awards.

So for now,

we'll call him "The Big Man,"

so legal doesn't ride my ass.

Are you all right with that, lawyers?

Point is, (bleep) can wait.

I'll be right over.

-(tires screeching)


(song continues)

Heart att*ck, heart att*ck

There's no going back

Heart att*ck

(engine and stereo turn off)

Mr. Cage, Mr. Doubldy is expecting you.

(muzak playing faintly)

Stay out here, kid.

I'll only be a minute.

Ah! Like with Jennifer?

Um, no. Weirdo.

(sighs in exasperation)

(keyboard clacking)

(clacking stops)

-(clacking resumes)


What would Johnny Cage do?


Hi. My name is... (groans)

(sighs, resumes typing)

(paper rustling)

(Johnny) My foul-mouthed agent,

David Doubldy.

Or rather, David f*ck' Doubldy,

as he likes to call himself.

Recognize him?

He's the guy from Venice Beach,

the one that had his wallet lifted.

Turns out, he was

one of LA's biggest agents,

and after my fancy footwork,

he took me on.

He's been looking after me ever since.

f*ck' superheroes!


Only nerds like that stuff.

And the Big Man.

And if the Big Man says

you're playing a turtle in a thong,

you better tuck those f*cking jewels

and get ready for a wedgie.

I do look good in a thong.

When does it start sh**ting?

Beginning of the year.

Well, merry Christmas to me.

Great. I can't wait.

Don't I always take care of you, kid?

Always. I mean, f*cking always.

One more thing.

Oh, is this about the ad lib?

Ugh, I can't believe

that director snitched.

Okay, you tell him--

No. No, it's nothing like that.

Then what?

I heard you were at Jennifer's earlier.

How did you hear--

I'm your f*cking agent.

It's my job to know where you are.

Thing is, there was

this, uh, piece of paper, sort of like

a scroll.

Yeah, we were just

about to take it to the police.

David, it was crazy.

There was this babe in a toga

trying to k*ll me.

Jennifer's place was b*mb.

They're calling it a gas leak.

A gas leak? No, Dave.

Jennifer's missing.

She could be kidnapped, hurt.

The scroll thing's probably

the only lead we have to finding her,

-so I'm going to the police and--


Johnny, you don't need

to worry about Jennifer.

She's fine.

What I need you to worry about

is giving me the scroll.


What's going on?

Why do you want the scroll so much?


Okay, I was going to wait on this,

but I belong to a club.

Real prestigious sh*t.

Like the Academy?

Eh, less ass-kissy.

This club has its fingers

everywhere in this town.

You become part of this club,

you'll always have work

and you'll be the superstar

you always wanted to be.

Sounds great. What's the catch?

No catch. We...

I want you to be part of it.

We're going to have

a whole induction ceremony

at the Magical Mansion tonight,

and all you need to do is show up,

with those expensive veneers and...

give me the scroll.

What about Ninja Mime?

You told me, and I quote,

"This movie will make you

f*cking A-list."

(slams table) Are you f*cking deaf?

Stop thinking about Ninja f*cking Mime

and start thinking about

the Big Man's movie.

Think about tights and f*cking capes.

I told you, Ninja Mime is already done.

And if you don't give me that scroll

right f*cking now,

so are you.

(Johnny) What did he say?

What did you say?

You heard me.

I made you.

Without me, you'd still be working

at f*cking Blockbuster,

yelling at customers about late fees.

Now, quit being a big baby

and give me that f*cking scroll!

(Johnny) If I was a well-adjusted man,

someone who wasn't picked on as a kid,

who didn't have

a distinct problem with authority

and didn't hate, hate bullies,

I probably would've handled

the next bit better.

You made me?

Listen, assh*le.

You don't do sh*t for me.

Sitting on your ass while I'm out there

getting thrown through windows,

paparazzi chasing me into the john.

Ninja Mime is my best work,

and you better pray it does well.

Because that's the last cent

you're ever gonna get from me.

You're fired!

(g*n cocks)

I was hoping to do this the easy way.

Give me the f*cking scroll!

Sure. Here.

Spin kick! I call out my own moves.

I don't need a g*n

to take care of a b*tch like you.

(both grunting)

Some more of this.

Ponytails are dumb.

(Johnny straining)

And the award goes to... your face!

(David groaning)

(David grunting)


You don't know what you're doing.

-What the hell?


We f*cking run this town,

and you're as good as dead.


Ya hear me? Dead!


Well, you're totally not worth 10%.

(muzak playing)

(glass shattering)

(David screaming)


(screaming, gasping)

-Oh, oh, is...

-(elevator dings)

-Is he... Is he...

-(gurgling continues)

Is he dead?

I'm sure he's fine.

(David groaning)

(shrieking, wheezing)

See? He's fine. Chuck, get the car.

Where is Kia?

She was k*lled.

By a member of the White Lotus.

What of the scroll and the chosen one?


Then I'll leave it up to you

to find him,


Retrieve the map and the chosen one.

For the Shadow.

For the Shadow.


I guess "protect and serve"

doesn't apply

to celebrities on the verge of success.

Something weird is going on, Chuck.

We're gonna have

to figure this out ourselves.

Okay. What... What do we do next?

"Party like it's 1999."

It's a song, by... Forget it.

(upbeat R and B music playing)

(Johnny) Magical Mansion. Invite-only.

I've never been because, well...

...after the SWAT incident

with the birthday magician,

I was kind of blackballed

by every so-called magician in town.


(Chuck, over earpiece) Are you sure

it's okay we're using the sound van?

-(earpiece beeps)

-Sound department loves me.

I'm sure they're fine

with helping out the star of Ninja Mime.

How goes it on the scroll front?

-It goes.

-Hurry. I'm about to head in.

If something goes wrong, call the army.

Or better yet, call the actor's union.

They're way tougher.


Cage. Johnny Cage.

Um... I'm sorry. You aren't on the list.

But, I mean, I should be. Right?

Sir, the Magical Mansion

is a members-only establishment.

Unless you're a member

or here as a guest,

which according to my notes,

you will never be,

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Oh, come on. It was an honest mistake.

(Jataaka) Wait. He's a guest of mine.

(Johnny) I've been around

a lot of beautiful women.

She might take the cake.

Her legs were as long and curvy

as Mulholland Drive.

And probably just as dangerous.

My cousin was k*lled up there.

Where have you been my entire life?

Getting ready for you, darling.

Shall we?

Don't we make a fetching couple?

After you.

(piano playing cheerful music)

(audience gasping)

(cheerful music continues)

-(audience applauding)

-(woman chuckles)

So, Mr. Cage,

what brings you to our little club?

My agent told me

I should come check it out.

Said he wanted me to join.

And who is your agent?

(Johnny) sh*t. Walked right into that.

Uh, his name is Dominic Boon.

Uh, do you know him?

No, I'm not familiar.

(Johnny) And Johnny Cage with the save!

But if you would like to be a member,

then you deserve... a private tour.

Anything you'd like to do in private

sounds good to me.

Please, lead the way.

So cool.

-(Chuck) Johnny? You're breaking up.

-(static crackling)

Uh, is this a basement?

Are we right underneath the mansion?

Why, if anything happened down here,

how would the police know where to look?

(Jataaka chuckles) They wouldn't.

Part of the membership grants you access

to the old subway tunnels

that used to crisscross Los Angeles.

(Chuck) Johnny, I'm...

-I'm trying to figure out where you are.

-(wheels screech)

-(static crackling)

-You're breaking up.

I can't... I can't hear anything.

-(man screaming)

-(woman laughing)

So, about this initiation.

-I don't have to, you know...

-(whip cracking) something weird, do I?

Define "weird."

I don't know. Drink human blood?

(chuckles) No.

You don't have to drink blood.

But you do need a member

to stand up for you.

Which I'd be happy to do.

(Johnny) I wonder if she'd be willing

to lay down for me too.



Sorry. I even do the p*rn music

in my voice-overs.

Come. We aren't far.

(voices chanting indistinctly)

Are you scared, Mr. Cage?

Pfft! No,

Johnny Cage doesn't get scared.

I peed myself.

But you know, I'm not a big fan

of the dark or being underground.

What if there's an earthquake?

Maybe... maybe we should just

head back upstairs. What do you say?

(Johnny moans, shudders)

You don't know what glories await you

a little further ahead.

Well, sh*t. That's not fair.

(Ashrah) Hyah!





You need to stop hitting people.

(sword unsheathing)

What the f*ck!

Come on.

What was that? I mean,

she was hot, but energy beams?

What the hell is going on?

Her name is Jataaka.

One of three assassins

from the Brotherhood of Shadow.

They are intent on raising their god

in order to destroy the world.

Yeah, great. Everything you just said

doesn't make sense,

including the part about a woman

in something called the Brotherhood.

This is all a bit much.

I was just looking for my co-star, okay?

Whatever weird sci-fi thing

you guys got going on down here

has nothing to do with me.


But as long as you

have the scroll, Johnny Cage--

Oh, you're a fan.

Where is the scroll?

Oh. Uh, Chuck has it.

Then we must get to this Chuck.

(both panting)

So once you get the scroll,

they'll leave me alone, right?

What other purpose

would they have for you?

-Chuck, you there?

-(Chuck) Johnny!

I just called the union,

but they said something about dues owed

and that they can't help you

because you're late--

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Never mind.

I'm at the NOHO sign.

I need you to come get me

as quick as possible.


You will be punished

for your betrayal, Ashrah.


-(Johnny) Oh, sh*t!

(Jataaka) Ashrah has decided her fate.

But you, Johnny, you are special.

We need you for the Brotherhood.

Join us

and all your dreams will come true.

Oh, no, this club sounds great.

Where do I sign?

-f*ck you!

-(vehicle approaching)




Two years on the job,

and he's never been late.

You okay?

Well, I just found out an evil cult

is trying to raise a god in Los Angeles.

So all things considered, I'm all right.

Oh, hi. My name is--

No time for names, Chuck.

Tell me you've translated the scroll.

Most of it.

On one side is a map.

-To what?

-Los Angeles.

This is the stadium,

the Tar Pits, Observatory.

And if you connect the dots, it's...

So, this entire city

is run by Satanists?

Oh, makes sense.

Not Satanists.

Disciples of Shinnok.


Quite a name. Let me guess.

The mad god you were talking about?

(Ashrah) Yes.

He is the ruler of Netherrealm,

and calls for the destruction

of all things.

Well, sounds pretty Satan-y to me.

There. What's in the center?

(Chuck) That's Dan's world-famous

Oriental Theater.

Oh, yes. Dan's world-famous

Oriental Theater.

Everybody knows that,

but I don't get it.

What do they want with the theater?

I mean, this Shinnok,

is he looking to

put his horn prints in cement?

That's where they will

open the gate to Netherrealm.

She's right.

The Greek on the back,

okay, it's actually a spell.

It says that in order to open the gate,

they need what they call...

"special" blood.

Or... the blood of a god.

Is that why Jennifer is missing?

I mean, she's good,

but, well, I wouldn't call her a god.

No matter.

As long as we have the spell,

she is safe.

We must retreat to our temple

and fend off any att*ck to--

Retreat? Lady, I'm American.

I don't even know the word.

I mean, I know it, but you know...

You know what I'm trying to say.



-(Johnny) Ew!


-Did you see that?


She just jumped out

and I spin-kicked her head off.

(hesitating) I know.

Oh, man, my therapy bill

-is gonna be through the roof.

-(Chuck retching)

-You okay, Chuck?

-This v*olence is out of control.

Tell me about it.

What are you doing?

Burning the paper.

No spell, no Armageddon.

And if there's no chance of Armageddon,

they'll let Jennifer go.

And we will be back on set

before call time.

-(m*ssile whooshing)

-(all groaning)


Hi, Johnny.

Looks like you found me.



Well, not the first time

I've woken up like this.

(Jennifer) Merry Christmas, sleepyhead.

It's about time you woke up.

Jennifer? Jennifer!

We gotta get the f*ck out of here.

These crazy cultists

want to sacrifice you

for some demon thing.

Hurry, untie me

before they get back, so--

(Jennifer shushing)

Oh, Johnny. Why would we do that?


-Because I've got you

right where I've wanted you

the entire time.


Come again?

You still don't get it, do you?

I'm starting to. You're bat-sh*t crazy.



But they say that about my god.

So, I'm in good company.

Jennifer, come on.

You can't be throwing

your career away on some cult.

This cult is why I have a career.

The Brotherhood sent us here years ago,

but me and some others were lost.

Cut off from our realm.

We've searched for decades

for a way back.

But then, we found the scroll

and it showed us

how to bring our god here,

to Earthrealm.

We scoured the Earth for the elements.

A Holy Kriss, a sacred chalice...


-...and the blood of someone special.

You, Johnny Cage,

have the blood of gods.

You're the one we've waited for.

You're the key

to opening a portal for my king.

Well, I'm flattered, Jennifer, but I--


No need to call me by that name anymore.

Please, call me Sareena.

The only thing I'm gonna call you

is a f*cking lunatic.

Why don't you let me go? Now!

We weren't sure

you were the one at first.

It seemed impossible

that someone so stupid

could be so critical to our mission.

It's been fun, watching you

blindly do what we wanted.

From David taking you on as a client

to being my co-star on Ninja Mime.

(laughs) Even when Brian tricked you

into going to my house.

Brian is in on it too?

f*ck Brian.

Everyone is.

Soon, our god will arrive,

and we will rule by his side.

And all it costs is a couple

of human sacrifices here and there?

Consider yourself lucky

to be part of the coming of Shinnok.

-Oh, yeah, real lucky.


Come on, Jennifer. Don't do this!

Do this?

It's already done.



Where are we? Where's Johnny?

That hack?

He's about to have

another starring role.

His last, in fact.

Tell me where your master is.


I'm sure Shinnok

would like a word with him

when he arrives in Earthrealm.

Stop it!


You're a strong one.

But what about him?

Leave him alone. He is only a boy.

There was a time in which you would

have eaten this boy limb from limb.

(chuckles) Hasn't she told you?

That thing you think is human

is a demon from Netherrealm.

A demon just like me.

-(chuckles maliciously)

-(Chuck whimpers)

I am nothing like you.

She pretends.

On a quest to find redemption,

which is your weakness.

You can't stand

the suffering of the innocent.

It's why I became a director.

Now, Ashrah. Tell me, where is Raiden?

You think you can intimidate me?

I'm an assistant.

I get tortured for money!

(grunts, groans)

What would Johnny Cage do?


(neck snapping)

Is he dead?


Aw, man. Ninja Mime is totally

not happening now he's... (sighs) Geez.



I am impressed.

You have a warrior's heart.


Mr. Cage always told me,

if I get in a sticky situation,

to think about what he would do.

But since I didn't have time

to exfoliate,

I thought that was the next best thing.

I don't know what you're saying,

but I do know he is your hero.

So, Chuck Golden,

let's save your hero before he dies.

Yeah. Uh, but...

Is it true what he said?

You're not human?

No, I am not. But I'm working on it.

-(gong thumping)

-(cultists chanting indistinctly)

Brothers, sisters.

It is time that we give back to our god

for that which he has given to us.

We, the privileged,

the wealthy, the beautiful.

All given to us

so that we may live in this moment.

So that we can bring about

his power on Earth.

Bring in the chosen one.

Get your hands off me.

This is bullshit.

I don't care who you are.

When I get out of here,

I'm gonna sue the pants off you.

They're not wearing pants.

The robes, the stupid robes, I mean.

(cultists chanting)

Shadam, Shanee, Shinnok.

Shadam, Shanee, Shinnok.

Shadam, Shanee, Shinnok.

Shadam, Shanee, Shinnok.

Oh, look! The three not-so-wise ones.

Gag him.

(chanting continues) Shinnok.



Screw you!

(muffled) The spell's not working.

I can tell how old you are.

(cultists chanting) Shinnok. Shadam.

So, what do we do?

I will get closer to try to free Johnny.

You must provide a distraction.

A distraction?


What... what type of distraction? I...


What would Johnny Cage do?

What would Johnny Cage do?

What would Johnny Cage do?

(chanting continues)

(Jennifer) With this cut,

let the blood flow

that will open a gateway for our god!

(muffled groans) f*ck you!

Please make it stop!

(chanting intensifies)

Shinnok, Shadam, Shanee.

Shinnok, Shadam, Shanee,




It's working.

It's working.

It's working!

(chanting intensifies)

Shanee! Shinnok!

Shanee! Shinnok!

(cultists gasping)

Don't worry, Johnny.

You'll always be immortal...

in the movies.

(Chuck) Hey!

Who dares?

(Johnny, muffled) Chuck?

My name is Chuck Golden,

and I'm the best damn assistant in town.

(ululating yell)

(groaning) Ow!

(muffled) Oh, f*ck.

Sorry, Mr. Cage.

(Jennifer chuckles)

Yes. Sorry, Mr. Cage.

No one is coming to save you now.

(Johnny, muffled) I wouldn't say that.


(muffled) I said, I wouldn't say that.

(sighs in exasperation)

What are you saying?

I said, "Go f*ck yourself."

(Jennifer groans)



(man groaning)

Oh, come on!

It's too late, sister.

The Gateway is opening.


You're telling me you're a...

A demon, yes.

Oh, that's hot.

(low growling, squelching)

(distorted voices whispering)

(woman) No! No, no, no. No, no, no.

(cultists clamoring)

(electricity crackling)

(clamoring continues)


(cultists chanting softly)


I thought you were lost to us.

I was.

But now, I am found.


Where have you brought me, my child?

The jewel of all places.

Earthrealm, my Majesty.



I have longed to feast

on the bones of its denizens.

You have done well, my child.

And for that, you will be rewarded.

(Ashrah) It's over.

He's won.

He hasn't won sh*t, not yet.

He is a god, and we are--

Earth's best chance of survival.

Listen, Ashrah.

That guy is just another

in a long line of bullies,

and the minute you push back

against a bully...

They fold like a hideaway bed.


You wanna be human?

Well, never giving up

is part of our DNA, okay?

That and male-pattern baldness.

Thank God I didn't get that.

Now think.

There has to be some way

to get rid of this guy.

I don't know.

(Chuck) I might.

If we can get him back to the rift,

and I can say the spell,

it should close,

trapping him wherever that leads.

Nah, that's a stupid idea.

I'm kidding. That's terrific.

Okay, Ashrah, can you get the scroll?

Yes. And what about you?

I'm gonna do

what action stars always do.

Get a huge trailer and save the day.



I have come to mete out

your destruction.

Bow before me.

Celebrate my arrival.

(Johnny) Hey, even whiter David Bowie!

There's only one god

we're celebrating today,

and it sure as hell ain't you.


Oh, sh*t.

(Christmas music playing over speakers)

(camera shutter clicks)


-(people gasping, murmuring)


-(man 1) What happened?

-(man 2) You all right, buddy?

(people murmuring)

(people gasping)

People of Earthrealm.

I, Shinnok, your new god, am here...

to destroy you.

(people screaming)

Sorry about that.

I don't mind. (chuckles)

Neither do I.

All right, ugly.

Time to show you

how rough this town can get.

(both grunting)


Hey, man.

I think that just pissed it off.

Oh, ya think?

(both grunting)


The scroll!

Give me the scroll, boy.

(whimpers, screams)

(Johnny) I'll admit, it is not looking

great for the Ninja Mime sequel.


(groans softly)

Oh, I feel like you look.

But, hey, at least we're alive, right?

Don't answer that.


What was that?

-(Brian) Come on, Chuck. Come out.

-(both grunting)

Join us.

I know you really just wanna be

a star like Johnny.

I can make that happen.

Just give me the scroll.

(Chuck whimpers)

I lied.

I'm gonna k*ll you.


Now, give me the scroll.


Ah! I have it.


(Brian screaming)


(laughs hysterically, sighs)

Your quest to become human

has made you weak.

There is nothing you can do

to defeat me.

I wouldn't say "nothing."

You call them weak because they dream.

They care.

They never give up.

That is not weakness, sister.

That is their strength. My strength.

Come, let me show you.



(both grunting)

Unlike you, I am at home in my form.

I do not need to disguise myself

any further!


(Ashrah grunts)

(grunts, groans)

Your feeble attempt to stop me

is amusing.

But I must be

about the end of the world.


Come, demons.

(Shinnok) Come and eat your fill.

(liquid bubbling)

(Ashrah grunts)

Goodbye, Sister.

(Chuck) Ashrah!



Thank you, Chuck.

Now we must go help Johnny.

We might have bigger problems than that.

(demons snarling, growling)

-(boy) Mr... Mr. Cage? Mr. Cage!


Mr. Cage, you have to get up.

This is the part of the movie

where you make your comeback.

(Johnny) He thinks

I'm something I'm not.

Some sort of hero,

rather than a guy who can kick high,

h*t his mark and...

look spectacular all the time.

Well, kid, you're out of luck.

Johnny Cage isn't a hero.

He's nobody... special.

(Master Boyd) You're special, Johnny.

You are special.

(Brian) You're a special guy, Johnny.

"Special" blood.

The blood of gods.

(Johnny) They're right.

They were all right.

-I am special.

-("I'm A Survivor" by 5 Alarm playing)

And I'm gonna do what I've always done.

Shove my special foot

down this bully's throat.

-(bones cracking)

-I'm the last man standing...

(Johnny) Hey, pal!

This is the city of angels.

No devils allowed.

It's a wonder that I'm still alive


I'm a survivor...

Come on, man. Is that all you got?

I'm a survivor

(Shinnok yelps, groans)

Well, look at that.

Even demons have b*lls.

f*ck him up, Johnny!

Challenge before me, yeah

(people chanting) Johnny! Johnny!

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!

(Johnny) Am I getting a slow clap?

I'm getting a slow clap.

Johnny! Johnny!

Kick his ass, Cage!

(chanting continues)

Johnny! Johnny!

(man) Yeah!


(grunts angrily)

Get him, Johnny!



(Johnny) Eat it!

You fool! You may have power,

but I am a god.

There! No, there!

(demons groaning)

They're coming out too fast!

I will enjoy eating your bones.


-(Shinnok chuckles)



Hey! Leave him alone.

-(woman 1) Yeah.

-(woman 2) Come on, leave him alone.

(people shouting indistinctly)

Any last words, Earthrealmer?

(groaning, choking)

Yeah, if I might.

(Shinnok groans)


Gravity's a b*tch.


Chuck, now!

(reading in Greek)

Close this door, forevermore!

Close this door, forevermore!


(demons screaming)

Better safe than sorry.

(crowd cheering)

(Chuck groaning)

Chuck, you did it.

You're the best damn assistant there is.

No. We did it, Mr. Cage.

A cord of many strands

is not easily broken.

(cheering continues)

Well, would you look at that?

You got your white Christmas

after all, Chuck.

And you... You were incredible.

As were you, Johnny Cage.

You have shown me

what it truly means to be human.

If I had not made my vows,

I would take you as a mate.

Well, we can work on that later.

But for now...

(Johnny) You know what?

When you save the world from a dark god,

you don't have to kiss

the kick-ass demon fighter.

But for me... I kind of do.

Chuck followed in my footsteps.

He took the "what would Johnny Cage do"

to the extreme

and signed up for some

martial arts lessons at a strip mall.

This wasn't a good one.

Eventually, he put on this funny suit

with all these glowing b*lls

and became my double

on a bunch of video games.

He called himself "Mokap."

Didn't make any sense to me.

And the games, well, they were banned

due to excessive v*olence.

-(Scorpion) Come here.

-(man) Toasty!

(Johnny) Ashrah took off.

She said she had to continue

her quest to become holy.

Being by my side

made that a little harder.

Can't say I blame her.

I can hardly control myself around me.

And me?

Well, we made Ninja Mime and a sequel.

And another one after that.

In fact, my career was going

pretty great there for a while.

But with every hill,

there's always a valley.

That's life.

The biggest bully of all.

-(seagulls squawking)

-(waves crashing)


(camera shutter clicking)

Oh, Johnny Cage. Johnny Cage.

Where are you headed?

Off to sh**t a new film

on some remote island.

Beautiful scenery, beautiful babes.

I have a good feeling about this one.

Is this your comeback?

Comeback? (chuckles softly)


I've never left.

("I'm A Survivor" by 5 Alarm playing)

(camera shutter clicking)

I'm the last man standing

Walking through the night

Basking in the power and glory

Competitors bested

Challenges met

It's a wonder that I'm still alive

I'm a survivor

When it's down to the wire

I'm a survivor

Believe it when I tell you

I am but a man

Rising to the challenge before me, yeah

No chance of stopping

Get out of my way

Throwing all my fears aside

I'm a survivor

Yeah, my will is on f*re

I'm a survivor

(guitar solo playing)

My will is on f*re

I'm a survivor

You fuel my desire

And I'm a survivor

Yeah, my will is on f*re

I'm a survivor

When it's down to the wire

I'm a survivor

I'm a survivor

I'm a survivor
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