Did I Do That to the Holidays? A Steve Urkel Story (2022)

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Did I Do That to the Holidays? A Steve Urkel Story (2022)

Post by bunniefuu »


The holiday season is here.

And I've been knitting

the perfect sweater

for Ugly Sweater Day.

Just so you know,

I don't think you're ugly.

I could spend forever

in your arms...

Your itchy, scritchy-scratchy

wool arms.


So nice.

Thanks, Urkelbot.

Now that it's officially

the holiday season,

this room feels

so November. Ugh.

But this is the perfect time

for me to try out

my newest invention.

Steve Urkel Industries presents

the Decemberizer!

With a simple flip of a switch,

the holidays are

at your fingertips.



[breathes heavily]


Oh, no.

Oh! Bright lights.


I love December

It's my favorite month

of the year

From the first to the 31st

I celebrate

all that good cheer

I love December

I don't mean other months

are not great

I don't want them to feel

a way

But it's not up for debate

Shh! Shh! Steve! Keep it down!

I can't keep it down,

my postal pal!

Do you know that I've been

waiting 334 days for it

to be December again?

And now that it's here,

I can't waste a minute of it.

I love putting up

a Christmas tree

And hanging up a wreath

But I also love

a Kwanzaa feast

Flossing corn

out of my teeth

I love celebrating Hanukkah

Sometimes I get to light

the menorah

I love snowball fights

with my snow-bot army

This year

I'm coming for ya!

There's so many great days

in December

It's hard to pick

my favorite

So I celebrate them

one and all

So I can really savor it

It's just like that documentary

The Purge.

Everyone for themselves.

No, Mr. Kalan.

It's just Steve Urkel.

Oh, right. It's December.

Oh, I love December

It's the number one gathering

of days

It starts on the 335th

Alternatively 336th

on a leap year

Not if you use

a lunar calendar.

What? I'm just trying

to be inclusive.

I love December

It's the best month

of the bunch

There's no fighting

on Boxing Day

But there still might be

some punch

Las Posadas is nine nights

of worship

Omisoka's day of cleansing

and fun

With the Festivus

for the rest of us


There's something

for everyone

Steve! All the singing

and dancing is gonna

wake everybody up.

[echoing] Everybody up,

everybody up, everybody up.

Well, not to quibble,

but technically,

you're being a lot louder

than me, right now.

The holidays

have traditions

They shouldn't be forgotten

To not respect them at all

Would really be

quite rotten

It's not just about

presents and toys

These holidays

have meanings

They bring

families together

Despite their

political leanings

This season isn't

just a day

We decorate

a Christmas tree

We must never

forget December's

When we celebrate

the baby Jay-Z

-[Jay-Z] Sagittarius

in the building, ho!


I love December

It's my favorite month

of the year

From the first to the 31st

I celebrate

all the good cheer

Yes, he loves December

He celebrates every holiday

But that's still no excuse

for waking us up

on a Saturday

Oh, good, you're up!

Happy holidays, Mrs. Paxson.

I'm looking forward

to your eggnog cookies

this year.

Uh, don't skimp

on the cinnamon.

Happy Early Hanukkah,

Mr. Kalan.

That's not a thing.

It's just Hanukkah.

And it hasn't started yet.

But that doesn't mean

you can't get a head start

on celebrating.

Anybody need help getting

holiday lights out of

a musty basement?

Kochiyama family?

I'm looking at you.

Steve, dear.

What we need is sleep.

But, I let you sleep in

this year!

Sure, compared to last year,

when you woke us up

at midnight!

I just want this holiday season

to be the best it can be!

And that means we can't waste

a minute of it!

-As one of Santa's helpers.


One of Santa's

"unofficial" helpers,

I want everything to be perfect

for the big guy

when he arrives. It's my job...

Not your job.

...to make sure there's enough

good cheer spread

into every nook and cranny

of this month.

It's not

an English muffin, kid.

It's a month where we buy

more candles and wrapping paper

than usual.

Oh, I beg to differ,

It's Mr. K! Smell the air!

It's different

during the holidays.

Smells the same to me.

Like snow

and pumpkin spiced garbage.

You can't get that in July,

which is why Santa doesn't

show up in the summer.

He shows up in December

because Santa's drawn

to the lumens of string lights,

the pollen of mistletoe,

the euphoria of giving gifts

and higher concentrations

of goodwill.

I always assumed

it was the Christmas carols?

Those too.

Now who wants to head

to the mall for a little

mall-iday window shopping?

Steve, how can I put this



-What he said.

Well, that was not the answer

I expected.

Here's a thought!

You all rest up.

Dream some holiday

themed dreams.

And when I get back,

I'll be going door to door

to test and untangle

everyone's holiday lights!

These holidays aren't gonna

celebrate themselves!

[doorbell buzzes]

This package needs a signature.

I know you're in there,

Mrs. Paxson.

[Jordan] Go, get him!

Guard up on him!

He can sh**t!

Oh! Time out, time out.

Steve! Wait up!

Hey, thanks for fixing up

the court man. It's amazing!

Aw, no sweat Jordan!

Well except for the sweat

on the court.

[chuckles and snorts]

I'm glad that

my microwave powered,

climate controlled concrete

is a h*t!

Microwave powered? Wait, wait!

Is it going to stunt our growth

or anything?

Not at all. My Urkel Industries

patent-pending Clima-Crete

is perfectly safe.

If anything, it might make you

grow a few inches.


-[chuckles] No.

You're probably never gonna get

taller than five foot ten,

just basing that on your

general bone density

and family history. Sorry.

Now Horace

on the other hand, whew,

you might h*t seven feet!

Hey, uh, you should

take your jacket off

and stay a while.

As much as I'd love

to impress you

with this k*ller cross over,

I've gotta head to the mall!

It's a big day!

They're lighting up

the giant Christmas tree.

-What? They like plug it in?


Over two thousand

twinkling lights

and shiny ornaments!

I like to oversee

the stringing of the garland.

Make sure the popcorn

to cranberry ratio isn't off.

Do you get paid to do that?

No. It's sort of a

volunteer position I created.

It's tough and tasty work

but someone has to do it.

The city's gotta be perfect

for when the big guy arrives

on his sleigh!

Oops! I almost walked off

with the rock.

Hey Horace! No look pass!

Whoa? What! What the?

Steve! What'd you do?

You're always saying

how you want to make it rain

buckets on the court,

so there you go!

I built a rain machine.

Although I don't know

why you'd want to play b-ball

in the rain. It seems slippery.

But I guess that's how

the Splash Brothers

got started.

Did you know

the Splash Brothers

are not really brothers?

On, no... is that?

Doh, it's the holiday boy.

Nope. Not today.

He can catch the next bus.


Ah! There's something

wrong with this bus.

-Ah! Here! Let me help you!

-Hey! Hey! Hey! Put me down!

I'm on a schedule here.

I need you all to scoot.

Thanks for riding the Metro...

You old weirdos.

-[old lady] I'm okay.


Happy holidays,

Sheryl the bus driver!

Ugh! Holiday boy.

Take me to the Twin Ferns Mall

and step on it!

And by "step on it,"

I mean "drive safely and make

all of your scheduled stops."


And we're on our way!

Dashing through the snow

on a city bus

Nope! Not this year!

No singing!

I'm going to need you

to dial your energy down

to about a three.

Out of nine hundred.

Starting today,

the Twin Ferns Mall

gets its annual mall-iday


Giant snowflakes hang

from the ceiling.

Tinsel everywhere.

Oh, there's nothing like

seeing the first fake snow

of the season.

Picking out a Christmas tree...

scented candle.

Ooh, I do love

a scented candle.

The holiday spirit's

all over the mall...

Boy! If you don't stop singing,

I'm gonna make a call.

From the fancy soap store

Exfoliate your pores

Smell like gingerbread

and apple cider!

I'm having some trouble

with a rider.

The mall-iday season

is what I sing of

When department store windows

show mannequins in love

[bus dispatch] Sheryl,

should we, uh, call the police?

[exhales] No, no.

Just get him

to stop singing please.

Showing off the best pants

for cold weather

While chopping down

a Christmas tree together

[bus dispatch]

It's a winter wonderland

with escalators!

He got to you?

Jerry, you are such a traitor!

Head up to the food court

and don't take too long

Or you'll miss

the first graders

Sing the dreidel song

That is cute, okay.

But no! Stop singing!

Now, if you are hungry

there's a store

that sells ham

And the Chef Shop

where they'll teach you

to candy a yam

While convincing you

to buy a multi-cooker

Is that like a crock pot?

[Jerry singing]

Kinda sorta

but it's even cooler

Why are you helping him?

'Cause it's a

winter wonderland

with escalators!

The parking lot's got a rink

for ice skaters!

Now he got to you too?

And last but not least

The true star of the show

Department Store Santa's

there to hear all your wishes

Right now my wishes

is for you to shush-es

His elves walk you

into his village

And up to his sleigh

So you can have a photo

of a great mall-iday!

'Cause it's a winter

wonderland with escalators!

[Jerry] Come on, Sheryl,

don't be such a hater!

All right, fine.

It's a winter wonderland

with escalators!


compliant elevators!

There's not much more

we can say

We can't wait

for the mall-iday

This is why I don't like it

when you sing!

You get my hopes up.

I don't understand!

Where are the mall-idays?

[sighs] Looks like

I'm finishing my route

after all.

Wait, is that a sale

at Tanya's Confidential?

30% off?

Excuse me!

Um, why isn't the giant

Christmas tree up?

Is it on the way?

Is it stuck in traffic

along with the giant

inflatable dreidel

that is usually in the

parking lot wishing everyone

a Chag Sameach?

Business has been slow

at the mall,

so they figured why bother

with a big tree and decorations

this year.

Wha? Santa is not going

to like this!

Oh! Don't worry,

we still got a tree. See?

Pretty nice, right?

A very merry mall-iday to you!

Where's the tinsel?

Where's the candy cane

colored clothes hangers?

Where's the apple cider!

It just smells like pretzels

in here!

Why hasn't the piercing booth

become a gift wrapping station


It's too cold to get

a nose ring!



Oh, thank goodness.

Welcome to Santa's Village.

Are you ready

for a holly, jolly time?

Is this place?

Where's all the tinsel?

The lights and fake snow?

It's the mall-idays!

Come on, people!

-Who are you?

-Steve Urkel.

I'm one of Santa's helpers.

Really? Then why am I

the one wearing a nametag

and dressed like an elf?

What? You're an elf?

I figured you were

some bored kid

with weird taste in shoes.

[laughs] My shoes? Look at you!

Are you rocking saddle shoes?

Oh, I am. And when I click

my heels together,

they can do this.

Perhaps purple and gold

is more your speed?

Or maybe black and green?

How about red bottoms?

-Okay, those are pretty cool!


Thank you.

I created an LED leather.

[laughs] I don't need to know

the science.

Just take the compliment,

Steve Urkel.

It's taken like bacon.

Nom, nom, nom, nom.

[laughs] You're kind of corny.

Hmm, corn. Nom, nom, nom...

[laughing] Okay, okay.

My name's Robin.

You want to meet Santa?

Well, to be clear,

Department Store Santa.

-You can just call him Santa.

-Oh, no!

There's an

important distinction!

Not to minimize the role

of the DSS...


Department Store Santa.

It's more than a job,

it's a calling.

Department Store Santas

hear the wishes of children.

There's tall Santas,

short Santas,

Santas of every shape, size

and gender.

Department Store Santas

must be of the highest caliber.

With ears that can hear

the voices of the

shiest children.

They must have the nicest

of beards.

Not too long,

but not too groomed

that they seem aloof.

A Department Store Santa

has healthy knee cartilage

to provide support

for the husky child.

And a Santa suit so soft

it feels like a cloud.

And so red it can be seen

in the dark.

These heroes take up

the thankless mantle

that comes with sitting

in that sleigh!

I am honored to be

in the presence

of such greatness.

And a little bummed out

that there aren't more people

here to witness his majesty.

Hey, you there!

Gaze upon this greatness!

I'm gonna keep gazing

on these sales, but thank you!


Sheryl, what's your twenty?

Uh, the snow is really

slowing things down.

[making static noises]

I'm [static noises] losing

[static noises] you.

[static noises]

Can't [static noises] hear

[static noises] anything.


Robin, I don't want to quibble,

but if you want to

impress Santa,

you might want to open

that gate with little more


Let's take it again,

but this time with some pizazz!

Look, Steve, I get that

you're a fan of Santa.

-A helper of Santa.

-No. I am a helper of Santa.

Sure, the department store


Boy, stop it!

You can go through

this gate and meet Santa

or me and these mall issued

jingly bells will pizzazz you

out of this place.

I'll go with the first option!



Aagh! What's happening?

-The Purge?

-Hey there, big guy!

So great to see you

this year, DSS.

Now my name should be

on one of your lists.

Hopefully the "nice" one.

All right, all right.

Just slow down, kid.

Slow down, now.

Santa gotta do a few warm up


Oh, sure, sure. Take your time.



[in normal voice] Ho...

[low-pitched] Ho...

[high-pitched] Ho.

[higher-pitched] Ho-ho-ho.

[clears throat] Okay, I got it.



Oh, gimme a break!

I'm a little rusty!

Got to come in here

for these ho-ho-ho's.

I don't get to practice them.

Now, what would you like

for Christmas, uh...

[whispers] Steve Urkel, sir.

What would you like

for Christmas, Steve Urkel sir?

I only want one thing

this year.

One thing?

That's very considerate of you

to keep Santa's bag light.

So what is it?

A new video game system?

A puppy dog?

Please don't say world peace.


-Are we taking a picture now?

No, I want cheese

for Christmas!

Hmm, cheese?

You thinking like

a grocery store cheese plate

with some charcuterie?

Maybe a cheese of the month

club type of thing?

Not quite. This year,

I'd like a taste of

one of the rarest,

most exquisite cheeses

in the world.

Ooh. You're a boy

after my own heart.

I like a fine cheese.

-[camera shutter clicks]

-Stop it! Stop it!

What are we talking about?

A stilton? A Manchego?

A nice camembert?

Serbian donkey cheese!

-Serbia who now?

-Serbian donkey cheese.

Do that sell that

at one of those fancy

grocery stores?


You have to travel to Serbia...

Where you must take

a ferry to a small,

remote village,

there atop a mountain

that can only be reached

on foot,

lives one cheese monger

who has perfected the art

of milking donkeys.

Eww. Gross.

Which isn't easy,

because donkeys don't produce

much milk and they kick. A lot.

Let me get this straight.

You want cheese

from a tiny horse?

For Christmas?



Serbian donkey cheese

is expensive!

That's more than

I pay in rent!

You sure you don't want

a puppy?

I can't. Allergies.

Aw! You're allergic to dogs?

No. Dogs are allergic to me.

The sound of my voice,

to be exact.

The decibel range is a little

too harsh for their sensitive


Okay. Well, Santa will see

what he can do

about your cheese.

Oh! Robin!!

Okay. Who's ready for a photo?

Donkey cheese!

People are really missing out

on capturing a special moment

like this!

Why is your phone so old?

It looks like it could be

my phone's grandmother!

Electronic waste is such a huge

environmental problem,

so rather than buy a new phone,

I figured it might be nice

to see if I could breathe

new life into something old.

Oh, sure.

Kind of like rebooting

an old movie or TV show?


Hey, I should post this photo.

Once people see me having

all this holiday fun,

they'll want to get their photo

with DSS

and that'll kickstart

a yuletide celebration

that will pique

Santa's interest!

[exhales] Okay.

And just like that

we're viral, baby!

I'm an influenza!

You mean influencer?

Not when you're this viral!

I'm taking away my like.

Oh! Whoa, mama!

Guess who is going live

right now?

Dudley Von Durffel!

-The billionaire?

-The tech genius!

Who is a billionaire.

People call him

the "real life Bruce Wayne."

In that he has unresolved

trauma at the tragic loss

of his parents?

No! Because he's crazy rich!

The guy owns a yacht

that is also a hot air balloon!

No, having a yacht air balloon

isn't what makes him cool.

Dudley Von Durffel is cool

because he sees innovation

where others don't.

Hello! Wave emoji! Wave emoji!


It's me, Dudley Von Durffel.

Just maxxin' and chillaxin'

poolside 20,000 feet in the air

and I figured why not check in

with my Von Durffollowers.

Is he bored and desperately

looking for connection

to feed the insatiable appetite

of his growing ego?

Ugh, thumbs down emoji!

I just want to get

to know my peeps, VDI!

Huh? Again?

Let's find someone cool

to interface with.

Ugh! Here's a person:


That's me.

How is your phone's camera

better than mine?

Hello, Dudley!

I'm such a huge fan!

I'm an inventor myself.

It appears he is a five time

winner of his state's science


Uh, okay, well, I was

a nine time state

science fair champ.



Right? I want to give you

some advice, @steveurkel.

-Oh, just Steve is fine.

-@steveurkel... you need

to stop inventing.


And start disrupting!

I've got to be honest, Steve.

Disrupting things seems like

it could upset people.

Maybe @steveurkel's friend--

Facial recognition says

her name is Robin Robles.

You know that I'm not using

names anymore!

The future of communication

is handles! Okay!

On the socials I'm @robirob381.

Thank you! @robirob381.

There was a time when people

traveled everywhere

by horse drawn carriage, okay.

But then Henry Ford

disrupted all of that

with the automobile.

Does that make Henry Ford

a bad guy?

Not for the car stuff,

but definitely for some

of the other stuff.

Fair point... He was...

He was not a good person.

No. He was a real l-o-s-3-r.

Auto correcting.

He means "loser."

Inventing is giving people

what they want!

Now disrupting is grabbing

people by the collar

and yanking them

into the future! Yeah.

Huh? what do you think

he means by... Help!

When a great idea's

inside your head

You rush to write it down

Now you might misspell

a word or two

But the genius

is what's sound

Sure, you could move

real slowly

Dot every "i"

Cross every "t"

But all that

quadruple checking

Doesn't cut the edge

of technology

You can't wait to see

who's ready

Can't ask "Is this okay?"

Just make something amazing

That'll blow everyone away

And when you start

to build it

You don't want

to be delayed

You gotta get it

to the people

Give their lives

a big upgrade

So you gotta move fast

Break things

Move fast

Break things

Ask for forgiveness after

You've delivered joy

and laughter

You gotta move fast

Break things

Move fast

Break things

By disrupting

everybody's world

It only happens

when you move fast

And break things

Uh, moving fast sounds

kind of dangerous.

That's how accidents happen.


Accidents happen

all the time

We trip, we stumble

We bump our noggin

If we stop moving forward

people point

They laugh, make memes

They start mockin'

In the world of tech

There will be bugs

OS flaws

and backend mistakes

Don't wanna be

a laughingstock?

Well, don't stop

whenever something breaks

This world

is our laboratory

Everything around us

is just data

So instead of saying

"Did I do that"

Just shrug and say

"It's still in beta!"

And then

Move fast

Break things

Move fast

Break things

Ask for forgiveness after

You've delivered

joy and laughter

No, you gotta move fast

Break things

Move fast

Break things

Let your inventions rock

everybody's world

It only happens

when you move fast

It only happens

when you move fast

It only happens

when you move fast

Ba de ba da ba da

And break things

Wow! Okay, now I want

to find something to disrupt!

Look, I'm not sitting

in my own yacht air balloon

because I waited for permission

to change the world.

No. I just changed it

and this baby is

a very expensive,

really, like really,

fuel inefficient thank you gift

for myself. Yeah.

Whoa! Whoa!

Keep it steady, VDI!

We've got some choppy

skies up here.

You see, this is why we need

to get rid of the wind!

Ugh. @steveurkel,

look around you.

Is there something

that you see that

could be better for society?

Hmm. Since it's the holidays,

maybe there's a way to spread

even more holiday cheer?

Well, if you think the holidays

need shaking up,

then find a way

to disrupt them, buddy.

The nicest thing you can do

for people

is disrupt their lives

for the better.


-All right.

-I'm going to disrupt

the holidays.




Look at that.

You've already started.

Thanks, Urkelbot.

If this is going to become

the best holiday ever,

I need to become

Santa's Number One Elf.

Ooh! Even better!

Santa's Urkelf! But what to do?

Hmm. We might be pulling

an all-nighter.

Ah! I think I've got it!

Oh, that's good.

That's really good.

Ow, that's hot!

That's really hot!

One hot cocoa,

milk and two sugars.


You catch the game last night?

Nobody was rebounding!

And then they had the nerve

to just play zone defense

for a bunch of possessions.

Good morning, festive friends!


What are you doing here?

Wait, are you one of those kids

that wants to pull on

Santa's beard?

Collect the hair to make

a pillow that hears

your wishes?

I've heard about creepy

Santa super fans like you.

I'm not a super fan!

I'm here

in an official capacity.

[exhales] You're not

one of Santa's helpers.

Well, technically speaking,

I'm one of Santa's disrupters!

It's a different department

than helper!

I'm here to make sure

the holidays are operating

at peak performance,

and that means making sure

everyone has a great holiday,

even you, big guy.

I was thinking since people

aren't coming to the mall

as much,

how could we get more people

to see DSS?

Start a podcast?

Last night, inspiration struck.

Kids still need to see Santa,

so I built something to help

spread a little of that

mall-iday cheer.

I made you an app

that lets kids call you

whenever they want.

You built an app overnight?

And you're still this chipper?

Hmm. That's a pretty

great idea, Steve.

So the kids and I

can connect virtually?

Even better.

Let me see your phone.

Don't go through my photos.

Just... bringing it online.

-What the--

-That's right.

Why just talk to Santa

on your phone

when you can have him

delivered to your door

with the press of a button.

You failed to mention the part

where you also built engine

powered reindeer.

Oh, no no no no no!

I do not like this idea!


What the Monterey Jack!

Steve! Stop this thing!

Take us back to the mall!

But you don't want

to disappoint the kid

who just requested you!

Fine! Fine! But at least

slow this thing down!

On it.


Whoa, whoa.

Oh, my gosh! Oh! Oh, my heart!



Ho-ho-ho! Hey there. Uh...


Hold up, Steve. Are you an elf?

Did you go through the

six week training program?

Oh. My mistake.

Scottie Harper.

Hello, Scottie.

Why don't you

hop on Santa's lap

and we can discuss--

-[Urkel] Uh-oh.

-What is "Uh-oh," Steve?

-[Department Store

Santa screams]

-[Scottie yelps]

[Department Store

Santa exclaiming]

How're you do--


When I was burning

the midnight oil... [exclaims]

I may have

forgotten to... [exclaims]

create a subroutine...


to manage the requests...


So, every kid who's

requesting Santa right now

is going

to get Santa right now?

[all shouting]

[Department Store

Santa shouting indistinctly]

[Department Store

Santa] Steve!



[exclaiming continues]

Oh, relax, big guy.

It's just a little hiccup.

[Department Store

Santa shouts,

exclaims indistinctly]

A hiccup? Steve,

shut it down! Shut it down!

Take us back

to the mall right now!

-Right now!


[all whimpering, exclaiming]

Steve, you might wanna

hold on to something!


[all screaming]


Nope. No critters

on my bus.

[all continue screaming]

[debris clattering]

[grunts] Whoa, Nelly!

Wait a minute.


Department Store Santa?

[Department Store

Santa] Steve!

-[yelps, grunts]

-[objects clatter]

[groans softly]

Did I do that?

[laugh track plays]

What is wrong with you?

[strains, grunts]

I just wanted everyone

to have an amazing holiday.

And you figured you'd do that

by blowing up my sleigh

and destroying my pants?

I have no pants.

I have no pants!

-But you do have

very classy underpants.

-[grunts angrily]

These are bugs

that can be easily fixed.

As Dudley Von Durffel

likes to say--

Dudley Von Durffel

didn't do this, Steve.

You did.

There's a city full of kids

who didn't get to see Santa,

but did see

a bunch of reindeer explode!

And to top it off,

you destroyed Pretzelegance.

[man crying]

Please, DSS,

this was a beta test.

[reindeer head

crackles, whines, thuds]

I can iron out these

wrinkles, get you back up

and running in no time.

We're all Team Santa here.

No, Steve.

This is what

I've been trying to tell you.

You're not

one of Santa's helpers. I am.

I mean, I was until

you destroyed Santa's Village.

"Destroyed" seems

like a bit of an exaggeration.

[objects creak, thud]

[Urkel] Well, uh...

"Destroyed" makes sense.

Do you wanna know

why I was working here?

I wanted to surprise my dad

this year and get him

some ESL classes.

He's from Ecuador

and he always worries

his English isn't good enough.

So, I thought

it would be a great gift.

That is really thoughtful.

But thanks to you, now I can't.

Robin, I didn't mean

to destroy anything.

I just wanted

to help make the holidays

the best they can be.

You-- You wanna help?

Don't help.

Stay away, very far away.

You've ruined everything.

If I were you,

I wouldn't even count

on any horsey cheese.

Uh, donkey cheese.



Huh? Mm? Mm.

[indistinct chatter on TV]

[laughter, applause on TV]

From mall-iday to malady,

Christmas is under att*ck!

[bystanders screaming]

Did I do that?

Did I do that?

Did I do that?

[slowed audio]

Did I do that?

Oh, ho, ho,

he did do that, America.

That bespectacled bully

made a fool of Santa Claus.

And since

now I'm showing it to you

on national television,

he made a fool of Santa Claus

on national television.

Steve, how can you

watch that lady?

Every week,

she's finding a new thing

that is "destroying America."

Last week it was empanadas,

and empanadas are amazing!

My only regret, it took me

so long to learn that.

Urkelbot likes her show.

Probably a good thing

Urkelbot can't talk.

Or vote.


grinding, creaking]

We just wanted to make sure

you were feeling okay

after you blew up the mall.

He didn't blow up the mall.

Sorry. Just a bunch

of reindeer and Pretzelegance.

which, good riddance.

Ow! Hey, I'm old.

Mr. Kalan's right.

I messed up the mall-idays.

DSS and Robin are mad at me.

But it's not just that.

I mess up everything.

I ruined Jordan's

basketball game

with his friends,

I woke the neighborhood up

super early.

Steve, you're being

too hard on yourself.

Look, you might be a little...



A bumbling,

butter-fingered klutz?

I was gonna say, eager.

But we all know

your heart is in

the right place.

Dudley Von Durffel said

I should disrupt people's lives

for the better.

But when I tried,

I made everything worse.

So, I was thinking,

maybe I was disrupting

the wrong thing.

Maybe what I need to disrupt

this holiday season is myself.

Don't tell me,

you've built a contraption

that's going to turn you

into some sort

of smooth-talking cool guy.

Not at all.

Being cool has

never been my problem.


Behold, my newest invention.

I call it a nice ticker.

It's an okay ticker.

No, it's called a nice ticker.

It will help me make sure

the holidays are great

by keeping me

from screwing them up.

Every year, I go over

to Mr. Kalan's to help him

light his menorah.

-And my drapes.


So, the watch told me that,

this year, I should send

Urkelbot in my place.

You want me

to celebrate Hanukkah

with your robot?

His latkes are delicious.

He makes them with

ricotta cheese.

That sounds

like something from

one of those fancy food shows.

-[watch beeps]

-See, Mr. K's holiday

just got a little better.

The more things I do right,

the more points I'll get

while making sure

we stay on track for

a wonderful holiday

that Santa will love!

Oh, Steve.

If you weren't covered

in grease, I'd hug you.

-[Urkelbot drones]

-No, thank you, robot.

Steve, honey,

the holidays are great

because you're a part of them.

Yeah, Steve.

Isn't today Jay-Z's birthday?

Why don't we all

go Jay-Z caroling?

That would be a wonderful thing

we can all do together.

-[watch buzzes]

-Hmm. The watch

says I shouldn't.

But, Steve, you love

singing loudly on the street.

You can sing the curse words.

Let's be honest.

I bet I'd get really excited

singing "Hard Knock Life,"

and accidentally step

on Mrs. Kochiyama's foot,

which would then

make her jump in pain.

She'd slip on

an icy patch of sidewalk

and go tumbling into Mr. Kalan,

causing him to break his hip.

That does sound like

something you could do,

and something that

my hip could do.

Yep, it all tracks for me.

And then, he'd have

to spend Hanukkah

in the hospital.

So, I'd ruin another holiday.

-[watch beeps]

-See, I'm

already scoring points.

Oh, this is great.

You all go. Have fun.

Okay, but it won't be

the same without you.

-[watch beeps]

-According to my data,

it will be 47% better.

Robot, if I fall asleep,

that's not permission for you

to turn my microwave against me

for your robot uprising!

I know what goes on

among youse.

I read books. I got Wi-Fi.

Hey, Urkel, come here.

We could use another player.

This snowman really

isn't playing much D.

-[watch buzzes]


The last time I was here,

I got everybody

soaked with rain.

I should probably

sit this one out. Thanks.

[watch buzzes]

Okay, holiday boy,

we've gone a mile and a half,

and you haven't

sung a single thing.

-What's up, huh?

-You don't like singing.

And I don't

wanna ruin your day.

So, no singing for me.

So, you're just

gonna sit there all quiet,

even as the wheels on the bus

go round and round?

-Round and round,

round and round?

-[muffled exclaiming]

-[watch beeps]


Have a nice evening,

Sheryl, the bus driver.

You, too, holiday boy.

[Jerry over radio]

The wipers on the bus

go swish, swish, swish...

-It was cute when

he does it, Jerry, not you!

-[radio beeps]

Hey, Steve.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to say sorry

I messed up everything

at Santa's Village.

Thanks. I appreciate that

you came here to apologize.

I know I'm not one

of Santa's official helpers.

But I made you something

that I hope will make

your holiday a little better.

Steve Urkel Industries

proudly presents

my latest invention,

The ESL-met.

It takes

anything you say or hear

and translates it

automatically into

the language of your choice.

[ESL-met speaking Spanish]


If my dad ever needs

to slay a talking dragon

or sing a rap hook,

I'll h*t you up.

But I don't think he's much

of a helmet-to-work guy.

[ESL-met speaking Spanish]

That's cool, Steve,

but I wanted to get my dad

ESL classes myself.

Sometimes, he helps me

with my school work.

[chuckles] He'll make up

silly songs to help me

remember math equations.

It's corny, but I like getting

to spend that time with him.

I don't know.

I guess I just figured

it'd be fun

to do the same for him.

Trust me.

I've crunched the numbers

and run simulations.

Your dad is going to love this.

He's going to have

the best Christmas ever,

and you're going to have

a great holiday because of it.

-[watch beeps]


Is that a step counter?


It's my newest invention

to help me make sure

everyone has

the best holiday ever.

It's keeping score

of everything I do to hack

this holiday season.

Who are you keeping score for?


He's only going to come

if everything and everyone

is perfect. Even me.

You'll see,

my science is sound.

Look, your wreath is crooked.

Hm. Looks fine to me.

Nope. It's off

by three degrees.

Now, that might seem small.

But it could be the difference

between someone walking by

and feeling joy to the world,

or simply mild satisfaction

with the globe.

Joy, mild satisfaction.

Joy, mild satisfaction.

Joy, mild satisfaction.

Point, no point.

Point, no point.

Point, point, point, point.

You make a good point

Point, point, point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Everywhere I go

I'm trying to be nice

Help a bunch of people

So I can rise up

Santa's leaderboard

Doing all these good deeds

And prove to everybody

I'm the help he needs, ooh

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Those inflatable decorations

look okay

They'd look better

With an Urkel

patent-pending light display

Who wants to go caroling

With all this snow

under their feet?

Score some points to build

Something to shovel

the street, ooh

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

I'm showing everybody

That I got what it takes

To spread the holiday spirit

Without making mistakes

Santa's gonna be impressed

When he sees what I've done

This city's full

of nice points

And I've just g*n, ooh

Spreading holiday cheer

ain't some game you can win

It's a feeling

that comes from within

Sure, you can fix a wreath

Or decorate some trees

But I think you might have

misplaced your priorities

[people scream]

Gifts are great

When they mean something more

Than an empty attempt

just to raise your score

If you cared

about my feelings

Then you should've come too

Not some dumb watch

telling you

What it thinks

you should do

Oh, points

Point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

-Point, point, point

-You make a point?

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

You're missing the point

Point, point, point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Point, point, point

Point, point

Steve, you're

missing the point.

Happy mall-idays.

I hope you have a wonderful

shopping experience.

Where's that holiday smile?

[watch beeps]

Hey, Mrs. P.

Doing some malI-iday shopping?

Yep. Got all my presents

for my sister's family.

Can I count on you to help me

gift-wrap everything this year?

I'll make eggnog cookies

and we can watch a scary movie.

-[watch buzzes]

-My nice ticker reminded me

that I'm bad at wrapping gifts.

Every year, I mess it up

and you have to

rewrap everything

while I eat all the cookies

and fall asleep on your sofa.

I don't mind.

It's nice having your company.

Thanks. But if you want

to have a wonderful holiday,

you need someone or something

that can help you wrap up

those gifts, lickety-split.

That's why I built you this.

It's a giftwrapping

machine that I call

The Hardcore Wrapper.

It can make paper, mix tape

and get jingly with it, baby.

There's not a box

it can't b*at.


What is it?

It's a coffee mug warmer

for my niece.

I found it at

that fancy tech store.

You put a cup on it

and it stays warm.

How old is your niece?

She's nine.

Do you think she'll like it?

[watch trills, dings]

Sure. Why don't we

get our wrap on?

[Hardcore Wrapper whirring]

-Oh, wow, that's wonderful.

-[watch beeps]

Feel free to wrap away.

I need to head inside

and check on DSS.

Look at me.

I'm a hardcore wrapper.

Oh, you don't want

none of this, honey.

I spit bars,

f*re, f*re bars.

Well, well, well,

if it isn't Mr. Donkey Cheese.

-[camera shutter clicks]

-[grunts] Robin!

Hey, DSS,

I just wanted to apologize

for screwing things up.

I'm sorry.

Thanks, Steve.

I'll be honest.

I was mad at you.

But for you to come here now

and apologize to me,


-Aw, geez...

-[camera shutter clicks]


I said, geez!

-[camera shutter clicks]

[chuckles] What?

It was a touching moment.

To show you how sorry I am,

I wanted to give you something.

That's very nice.

But my doctor said

my heart can't take

any more gifts from you.

Oh, but you're

already wearing it.

I fixed your Santa suit.

You did this?

Thought this was from the mall.

The fit is nice.

Look at your boy,

all swagged out.

You got Santa

looking like a hype piece.

Wait. It's not gonna do

something weird, is it?

Nope. No tech.

Just sewed it up with

-a needle and some thread.

-[watch beeps]

Thanks, Steve.

We're all gravy, and cheese.

Nothing? You're not gonna

take a photo of this 'fit?

I look good.

Between you and me, DSS,

your suit wasn't in

the best shape to begin with.

So, I reinforced everything

with some synthetic fabric

to make sure

it stayed both soft and sturdy.

Synthetic fabric?

Like polyester?

Wow, Steve, I was wrong.

You really are

winning the holidays.

And it's only gonna get better.

This year, we're gonna

knock Santa's socks off.

[shouting] I'm allergic

to synthetic fabrics.

Or his pants.

It's like

super-soft poison ivy!

It's nice and painful.

Aah! When I scratch,

it makes my fingers itchy.

[Mrs. Paxson] Steve!

[people screaming]

Oh, no. I'm

making things worse.

Hold on. Hold on.

I know what to do.

I can fix this.

[all] No!

Don't fix anything!

But... But...

What we need is

someone to disrupt you, Steve.


in the background]

-Wait a menorah.

I know just the guy.

This guy says

my hair looks fake?

What? [hesitates] No.

Hi-ho, Dudley.

[screams, grunts]

Who are you?

How'd you get here?

Are you one of those ghosts

here to show me my Christmas

past, present, or future?

No, it's me, Steve Urkel.

We met the other day,

fellow disruptor.



@steveurkel, IRL?

Uh, okay.

Uh, what can I do for you?

I took your advice and

tried to disrupt the holidays

and make everything

perfect for Santa.

I built this nice ticker

that pushes me to find ways

to make sure everyone

had a great holiday.

But I kept

screwing everything up.

Hmm. You've gamified

being in the holiday spirit?

[laughs] That's f*re... emoji.

I don't think the problem

is you, @steveurkel.

It's not?

You turned the holidays

into an amazing game.

But a game is only good

if you can get other people

to play it, too, okay?

What if we

scaled this up a bit?

And got everyone

playing for the holidays?


Maybe we lose the watch

and turn it into an app.

A really nice app?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

But how about

a Von Durffel app?

Ooh. That's wonderful.

No, kid, it's Von Durffel.

VDI, get the dev team

on this, stat.

-I want this live in 24 hours.

-[Urkel grunts]

Can you get it ready

in 24 hours?

You're right.

Let's do it in six.


Congratulations, kid.

You're about

to disrupt the world.

[watch beeps]

You have a question?

No, I was...

I was trying to high-five you.

Oh. It looked like

you had a question.

Maybe angle

your arm down a little more.

Or maybe, I was disrupting

the way we do the high-five.

Very cool.

[chuckles] Thanks.

Now, let's get you

off my boat.

[sighs] Dudley's app

should be online now.

Oh, wow.

So many people

have already downloaded it.

That's great.

Oh, Santa's gonna

be so proud of me.

Everything's gonna be

so festive that he'll

make sure

this is the best holiday ever.

Steve in the milk

Steve in the milk

We make the cheese

That's soft as silk

Steve in the milk

Steve in the milk

[Urkel] [laughs]

Ooh, that tickles.

Steve in the milk

Steve in the milk

We make the cheese

That's soft as silk

[Urkel exclaims]

[gasps, exclaims]

[Urkel panting]

[yelps, exclaiming]


Oh, Steve, you're

the nicest kid ever.

You made me so-ho-ho happy!

If you don't like it,

you can get out.

Ujamaa, bless us, everyone.

[synth music playing]

Just call me Stefan Urquellebot

You saved the holidays, Steve.

Ho-ho-ho, ho!

You're my official

holiday helper.

You hear that, everybody?

-Steve Urkel!

-[crowd cheering]


Good morning, Mr. Kalan.

Good morning, Steve.

Just turning

the Kochiyamas' car

into everybody's

favorite Christmas character,

Rudy, the holiday moose.

I think you mean reindeer?

-Their car is a reindeer.

-Moose, reindeer,

what's the difference?

I mean, they're

different subspecies,

not to mention,

antler size and shape.

[phone beeps]

Yes! Seventeen points!

-Ooh, chag sameach, Mr. Kalan.

-[phone beeps]

We've spent all morning

perfecting a matzah ball

soup recipe.

And some rugelach.

Let's get in that kitchen

and get you a Hanukkah meal.

-[phone beeps]


That's so wonderful.

Did you see Rudy, the moose?

It's nice. We don't

really celebrate Christmas.

But thank you.

-[phone buzzes]


I got you, Kochiyamas.

For the new year,

you celebrate with

a kagami mochi.

-And I made you

a lawn ornament.

-[phone beeps]

-[phone beeps]

-[exclaims] Yes!

Take that, Mr. Kalan.

Livingstons, you

celebrate Kwanzaa, right?

Let me help you do that!

-Happy holiday, Steve.

-[phone beeps]

-Happy holiday, Steve.

-[phone beeps]

I said it first.

Why didn't I get more points?

No, Horace.

I insist your team

have the ball.

-Happy holidays.

-[phone beeps]

-[phone beeps]

-Oh, thank you very much.

Look at that.

It's your ball again.

-I think that counts

as a Christmas gift.

-[phone beeps]

Hey, Jordan, what's the score?

Oh, nothing-to-nothing.

But I've already got

38 Von Durffel points.

But what about basketball?

This is better than basketball.

Oh, look at that.

I accidentally

scored on myself.

-That's two points for you,

Horace and ten points for me.

-[phones beep]

For being so charitable

this holiday season.

Hey, holiday boy. Need a lift?

Dashing through the snow

-I'm good.

-[Sheryl humming]

[phones beeping]

[woman gasps]

-Happy holidays.

-[phone beeps]

Merry Christmas, Hanukkah,

Boxing Day, Kwanzaa,

Festivus to you.

[phone beeps]

Your smile

just brightened my day

-this holiday season.

-[phone beeps]

Your smile is

all the Christmas, Hanukkah,

Boxing Day, Kwanzaa,

Solstice, Festivus gift I need.

-A fabulous day to you.

-[phone beeps]

Would you stop, Gary?

You're messing up my points.

You're not being very merry

by telling me what to do.

[phones beeping]

[Department Store Santa]

I don't care

what your grades are.

You, young man,

deserve a puppy.

You hear that? This little boy

is getting a puppy,

even if Santa

has to get you one himself.

-Isn't that nice

of Santa? [laughs]

-[phone beeps]

Yes. A hundred points.

Okay, come on,

give me another kid.

Give me another kid.


Whatever you want, little girl,

Santa's got you covered.

-You want world peace?

Santa will figure it out.

-[phone beeps]

Oh, Steve!

[kids laughing]

You want to rip my pants off

again, make me look silly?

Isn't that

a holly-jolly good time?

-What's going on?

-[phones beeping]

I don't know you,

but I got you

this holiday card.

I got you one first.

Season's greetings!

[woman screams]

I don't believe this.

These people aren't

spreading holiday cheer.

They're more focused

on treating it like a game.

Isn't that what you were doing?

No. I was just trying to...

win over Santa

by getting a perfect score.

Oh, no.

Did I do this?

[phones beeping]

-Hey, kid, let's go caroling.

-[phones beeping

in the background]

Everyone loves caroling,

and it'll give me some points.

Do you even wanna go caroling?

No, I just want points.


No! I need those points.

Let's make a gingerbread house.

Let's make

ten gingerbread houses.

Let's make a gingerbread city!

No, he's going

caroling with me.

Fun fact. Did you know

the fifth day of Kwanzaa

is all about points?

[both yelling, screaming]

This game is offering

daily cash prizes

and a million dollars

to the person

who gets the highest score

of the month!

What? No.

Dudley's app is bribing people

to get into the holiday spirit.

This isn't right.

Maybe not, but it only

costs a few bucks to play,

and if I win, I could get paid.


[slowed audio] No...

[phone beeps]

Happy holiday, Steve.

Where's that holiday smile?

You're one of Santa's

holiday helpers, aren't you?

-We should get you a hat.

-[phone beeps]

Let's get you some eggnog

and sing some

[voice distorts] carols.

[pants, grunts]

Hey, there, Steve.

You still want

donkey cheese for Christmas?

Because I'll get it for you.

-If I win this game,

I'll buy you all the cheese.

-[phones beeping]

So why don't you

sing some carols with me,

[voice distorts]

and I can get these points?

Oh, no!

[hisses] Points...

[Urkel whimpers]

The mall is getting

the biggest tree we can find,

-just for you.

-[phone beeps]

Will you help us decorate it

for the points?



Where's your

ugly sweater? Points.

Want to watch some

holiday movies on my phone?

[voice distorts] For points.

[Urkel panting]


[woman] Points...

Steve, I think

your sweater isn't

the right Christmas green.

-It needs to be

a shade lighter.

-[phone beeps]

-Take a seat and let me

tell you the story of Hanukkah.

-[phone beeps]

-It's known as

the Festival of Lights.

-[phone beeps]


-[Department Store Santa]



-[crowd] Points...

[Urkel gasps, grunts]

Come on! I built you.

Why aren't you starting?

[crowd] Points, points...

-That is very cool.

-[phone beeps]

It's a Christmas mitzvah,

how you mess with my things.

Oh, come on. Come on.

-[reindeer revs]

-[crowd yells]

I'll bring it back, I promise!

-Or don't. I'm generous

and charitable that way.

-[phone beeping]

[in deep voice]

As long as I get these points.


Would you like

to sing a carol with me?

-I thought you'd never ask.

-[phones continue beeping]


Points points, points

Points, points, points

Points points

Points, points, points

I thought I was a nice kid

But maybe I'm a troll

'Cause every time

I try to help

I seem to miss my goal

I wanted to make

The holidays better

But I made everything worse

I'm not a holiday gift

I'm a Christmas curse

He's not a holiday gift

He's a Christmas curse

Everything was fine

Until I got invo...

[clears throat] ...olved

So if I run away

Maybe the problem

will be solved

If he runs away

Maybe the problem

will be solved

I wanted to make

the holidays better

But I only

made things worse

I'm not a holiday gift

I'm a Christmas curse

He's not a holiday gift

He's a Christmas curse

-[reindeer sputtering]



-[reindeer crashes]



Where am I?



[phone trilling]

[exclaims, grunts]

Kid, calm down, please.

You can talk?

Yes. You've got

good aim, Steve.

Well, only when I'm terrified.

Wait, how do you know my name?

I know every kid's name.

It's kind of my thing,

being Santa and all.

You're Santa Claus?

In the fur.

[sputters] You're a...

Yes, Steve Urkel.

Santa Claus is a yeti!

No, no, no, no, no.

That's ridiculous.

I've been

helping Santa for years.

Officially, or off the books?

That's not important.

As a self-taught Santa expert,

what I know is,

Santa can't be a yeti.

[upbeat music playing]

Santa Claus is a yeti

What's the problem

that you see?

Does that challenge

your idea

Of who a yeti should be?

You might see a monster

But I'm a friendly-o

Yeti dressed in reddy

With a big, big belly

And a fuzzy, fuzzy beard

Living in the North Pole

But there's never been

scientific proof

of your existence.

Not Santa Claus. Yetis.

Ouch! That hurts.

Uh, I guess you know a lot of

centuries-old humans.

Well, my grandma's

pretty old.

But can she fit down a chimney

carrying a bag of toys

without being seen?

I can. It's what

we Bigfoots are great at.

Doors, on the other hand,

confuse the heck out of me.

Turn and pull

and then go in.

[sighs] Oh.

Wait a minute.

People have seen

Santa before.

I try to stay hidden

as much as possible,

but a few lucky children

have gazed upon

this beautiful visage.

So by now,

somebody would have said

Santa's a yeti

or gotten upset

that you don't look like

a biker after a spa day.


People have opinions

Of how we should

look and sound

If you challenge

their beliefs

They tend

to put you down

They've made a reality

That's comfortable to them

So instead of seeing a yeti

Dressed in reddy

With a big, big belly

And a fuzzy, fuzzy beard

They'd rather see

some old man

Not just any old man.

They want to see

the one who's--

White, uh, fur

can kind of look like a beard.

Don't you think?

Hmm. It does.

And I guess

from far enough away,

your hands and feet

kind of look like

boots and gloves.


I mean, "claws" is right there

in the name, Santa Claus.


How many humans

do you know named Santa?

It's actually

an old yeti word.

It means yeti.

My real name

is Krisskringel.

Holy moly!

You're Santa

and you're a yeti!


-Santa Claus is a yeti


Now you know the deal

But if he's someone else

to you

Please do what you feel

If Santa was a penguin

That would be okay

Because all

that really matters

It's not the red, red hat

Or the fuzzy, fuzzy beard

It's joy

on Christmas Day

It's respecting

one another

Like they're your sister

Or your brother

And spreading cheer

on Christmas Day

Being good

to everyone you see

And leaving me cookies

The true spirit

of the holiday

By the way,

you got any cookies?

[Urkel] No.

Santa, I, uh...

I may have screwed up

the holidays.

It's okay.

I have other cookies.

Now, what brings you

to the North Pole?

Haven't you seen?

I messed up everything

back home.

I kind of blew up

the mall, twice.

I built a game-changing,

holiday-ruining app.

I turned

Department Store Santa

into a meme.

People are calling him

No Pantsa Claus.

Sorry, I don't have

Wi-Fi up here,

but I'd have maybe gone

with Santa Drawers.

Santa, I was trying so hard

to impress you this year

that I wrecked everything!

Why were you trying

to impress me?

Because you're Santa.

The Santa Claus.

You're amazing!

And you're only going to come

if everything is perfect.

The lights,

the cheer, even me.

I built this watch

to make sure I did

everything right

and bring you to Chicago

and fulfill everyone's

Christmas wishes.


What do you want this year?

Some Serbian donkey cheese,

if I remember correctly.

Right now, my wish would be

to fix everything back home.

And I clearly

haven't earned that.

Well, between you and me,

I'm not really keeping score

on whether you've been

naughty or nice.


Oh, Steve.

Take a seat with me

at this piano a moment.

I'm not keeping score

That's not what

Christmas is for

It's not

some holiday test

To force you

to be your best


If I was watching

your every move

That could feel

pretty scary

And the stress

to not screw things up

Would be a lot

for a kid to carry

You're still learning

How the world works

So you're bound

to make mistakes

You know

The real test of your mettle

Is what you do

when something breaks

It's stepping in

To say I'm sorry

And then trying

to make amends

With the person

who your action hurt

Whether strangers

Family or friends


I'm not keeping score

That's not

what Christmas is for


It's not some holiday test

To force you

to be your best

Let's say

you wanted a dirt bike

And you were good

all year long

But it didn't show up

on Christmas

Would you think

you did something wrong?

Would you feel

kind of hurt?

Would you scream

Oh, what's the point?

And no matter

how we behave

We don't always get

what we want

My Christmas wish

Is that kids are good

Because that's

who they want to be

Not because

They feel pressure

To try and impress me

Because I'm not

keeping score

That's not what

Christmas is for

It's not some

holiday test

To force you

to be your best

I'm not keeping


I'm not keeping score

[elf] Cut back on the cookies.

I do want

to be a good person,

but I guess I thought I needed

to be even more special

or Christmas wouldn't come.

Isn't that why you have

naughty and nice lists?

I mean, don't all the

Department Store Santas

report back to you?

Sure, but just to

tell me what things

kids want this year.

I don't want to make

a bunch of wagons

if kids aren't into them.

The elves hate

when wagons go to waste.

I still messed up

pretty bad.

I don't think anyone

will ever forgive me.

You won't know

unless you try.

I'm scared to go home.

What if I

ruin things again?

Maybe I can stay here,

officially become

one of your helpers.

I'm willing to do

whatever it takes.

[Urkel grunts]


[Urkel gasps]

Is there

an application fee?

Uh, no.

I mean, are you just

going to run away?

Won't people miss you?

No. They're better off

without me.

You sure about that?

Steve, why do you celebrate

every December holiday?

You're not Jewish,

and yet you help Mr. Kalan

celebrate Hanukkah

every year.

And on New Year's Eve,

you're always helping

the Kochiyama family

clean their house

for Omisoka.

Because Mr. Kalan's

my friend,

and he shouldn't

have to celebrate

the holidays by himself.

And the Kochiyama family

matter to me,

so I just want to know

what's special

and important to them.

Kid, those are nicer gifts

than anything

this freakishly

beautiful yeti

in a red suit

could ever build.

-You might be a little--


But as long as you care

about the people around you,

then you're officially

helping me spread

holiday cheer.

It's not about how many

lights you put up

or how many cookies

you leave out.

Although the more

the merrier.

You're right, Santa.

And if I really care,

then I need to go back home

and clean up my mess.

See, Steve,

you don't need a watch

to tell you

the right thing to do.

Dudley's got everybody

fake celebrating the holidays

to win money.

Maybe I can build

some kind of mind ray.

Not control,

but maybe just reprogramming.

And maybe erasing

some of their

short-term memory.

It shouldn't hurt too much.

Hmm. But maybe

you could use an assist.

This holiday season,

could I be your unofficial

official helper?

You want to be my helper?

Santa's my helper?

Oh, wow!

Well, I should probably

get you an orientation packet,

-and there will be

a strict dress code.


Or how about

just a lift back home

to shut Dudley's app down

and remind people

to just be good

for goodness sake?

Oh, you better watch out.

You better not pout

No, watch out.

My reindeer are pulling up.

[Urkel gasps]

Wanna go fix

the holidays?


What was that song

you were singing?

"Santa Claus

Is Coming To Town."

-Who sings it?


Have you never heard

any of the Christmas carols

people sing about you?

[chuckles] No.

I don't have the Internet.

And I'm not

that self-absorbed.

Are they good songs?

What if we change

the value of points

based on how many people

are using the app

at a certain time?

We'd call it

surge nicing.


Ethically questionable.

But business wise,

it will make you richer.



[Urkel] Whoa!

Stop! [grunts]


And a Bigfoot?

Hey, I'm Santa!

Whoa! Santa's a Bigfoot?

expl*si*n emoji, man.

You just disrupted

my mind right there. Wow.

Dudley, we've got

to shut the app down.

We've turned everyone into

a bunch of holiday zombies

that are only pretending

to be nice to get a reward.

I know.

I am on the precipice

of something #epic.

For a reward,

I'm getting people

to do whatever I want.

I can make them

be merry if I want.

But why stop

at the holidays?

I could also tell them

what to buy,

or how to think

or how to vote.


The possibilities

are endless.

Well, aren't we

supposed to be

disrupting people's lives

for the better?

Uh, yeah.

And what's better

than getting everyone

to do what I tell them?

I'm a genius.

I'm changing the world.

I'd be like Santa,

but year around

and with way better hair.

Excuse me?

Have you seen these locks?

What you're doing

is nothing like Santa.

Oh, please.

Isn't that what Christmas is?

You just pretend to be nice

to get a dolly or a video game.

All to please a reclusive,

well-resourced mogul

who lives

in a hard-to-reach place.

Say hey with five "Y"s

to your new Santa.

Oh, no. That's cultural

appropriation, honey.

This is a mistake!

I want my tech back.

Uh, remember when

I sang you a song

about moving fast

and breaking things?

Well, I've got another song

I'd like to sing for you.

It's called "No Backsies."

And a one, a two--


If you're not going

to shut it down,

then I'll have

to shut you down.

You ever see that GIF

where someone's like,

"Come. Get some."

I'm about to make

one of my own.

Are you sure

about this, Steve?

You're a little boy,

he's a grown adult.

[Urkel screaming]

That escalated quickly.



Well, I did not

see that coming.

[VDI] It's how real Gs

settle their differences.

When the "G"

stands for genius.

Seeing as how

you're an uninvited guest

on my yacht air balloon,

I'll give you the honor

of going first.

Big mistake.

People are selfish,


They only want to be nice

to get something.

-You are wrong, Dudley!

-[Dudley] Whoa!

[Urkel] Hmm.



[grunts in frustration]

[Dudley laughing]

[Dudley] Whoopsie.

A-ha! [grunts]

I'm just making

some extra money

to get my dad a gift.

This is better

than basketball.

You want me to celebrate

Hanukkah with your robot?

Donkey cheese.


-[Urkel] Ah!



Check and mate.

[Dudley groaning]

Skull emoji.


Did I do that?

I think I did.

Yeah! Oh!


[Urkel] Uh-oh.

[all screaming]

Oh, no! Please no!

Well, that doesn't

look good.

[people screaming]

Is everyone okay?

Oh, Santa.

No, Steve, I'm fine.

Magical being, remember?

Dudley, I'm sorry

I broke your ship.

You know, I can work it off

to pay you back.

All the money I made

from the Von Durffel app

kind of makes us even.

If you had asked

for even a small cut...

[laughs] Ow!

...you'd be rich.


No backsies

That's what I said. No...

I forget the rest,

but it's really cool.

I don't invent things

to get rich.

I do it to bring happiness

to people.

[Dudley laughing]


Happiness is overrated,


People have already

had a taste of the future,

and they're not going back.

This is the future, okay?

Embrace it.

Your old ideas

about being nice

have been disrupted

by something better,

by someone better.

By me! [chuckles]

What's going on?

Did the app crash?

Will these points count?

I need my points!


I can't finish

these decorations

if I don't have my points.

Mrs. P, stop!

You don't need to hang

Mr. Kalan's lights

for points.

Yes, I do!

Why else would I do this?

Because he's your neighbor.

And even though

you two argue sometimes,

you worry about him

climbing on a ladder

because he's so old.

Hey, words hurt!

That's not winning you

any holiday cheer points.

Being nice

isn't a game to win.

I see that now.

The holidays aren't something

we do for points.

[all] Points.

We celebrate the holidays

because it's an excuse

to check in on someone

when they have a bad day

and offer

to take him caroling.

Being with a friend

to celebrate Hanukkah

because you enjoy

each other's company.

It's not a bunch

of empty gestures

to win a prize.

[all] Points?

It's celebrating each day

like a holiday.

Because the people

around us are gifts.

Wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait.

How is he broadcasting

from the Von Durffel game?

Magical being, honey.


[Urkel] It's not about

proving how good we are,

but recognizing

how lucky we are.

Presents and treats

are great,

but the holidays

are a reminder

of how important we are

to one another.

Wow, you're still corny.

[Robin and Urkel

mimicking munching]

[Robin and Urkel laughing]

The nicest thing you can do

is to celebrate each other.

That's why I love

December so much.

Holiday boy!

Were you

about to sing?

Uh, yes.

Well, not without me!

Driving a bus

Is a hard job

Where I often feel alone

Truth is

You lift my spirits

I just wish

You were a baritone

I love December

It's a great time

of the year

From the first

to the 31st

Let's celebrate

all the good cheer

We may celebrate

different holidays

But December

brings us all together

With the shared love

of our traditions

And a hatred

for cold weather

We love going

block to block

To see

the neighborhood lights

And caroling door to door

As long as we've got

the music rights

Oh, he gets to sing?

No, thank you.

If I don't get to sing,

nobody gets to sing.

No backsies

[VDI] Sir, you appear

to have a problem.

Am I off key?


Enormously so.

But in your rush to get

the Von Durffel game online,

you moved a little too fast.

Ugh. What did I break?

[VDI] The company.

The shareholders are meeting

right now to vote you out.

[exclaims] No,

they can't do that.

[VDI] If you had read

the user agreement

of your contract,

you'd see

they very much can.

No one ever reads those!

Come on!

A Department Store Santa

Is more than just a shift

It's seeing the joy

on someone's face

When they find

that perfect gift

[Robin's dad]

I never thought

I was a helmet guy

But I look amazin'

And you must be impressed

Your old man

Sounds like T-Pazin

It's T-Pain, Dad.

Who is T-Pazin?

[speaking Spanish]

Celebrating Hanukkah

You help honor my history

And the principles

of Kwanzaa

Empower community

The solstice

is the time we reflect

While we look forward

Festivus is from

a TV show

Does that make it awkward?

Not as long as

You love December

And respect

that I do, too

It's not just about

a Christmas tree

This month's about...

I told you, kiddo.

You're a gift.

Thanks, Santa.

-[Santa] Hmm.

-[Urkel] Aw.


Let's celebrate

All the good cheer

The block looks amazing.

Is that house

decorated for Soyal?


And there's one

for Kwanzaa.

This is really great.

It's not complete

until you decorate

your house.

It looks like now

the whole block

is waiting on you.

Oh, Mrs. Paxson,

you silly goose.

I decorated last March.

I was just waiting

on everybody else.

I'm really excited

about my light display

this year.

I hooked it up

to a solar battery

so you don't have to worry

about blowing out the power

to the street.

Unlike last year.

Did I do that?

[alarm beeping]


[donkey brays]

Donkey cheese!



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