01x02 - Snakes in the Grass

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "NCIS: Sydney". Aired: 10 November 2023 – present.*
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Spin-off follows a fictional team of special agents from the Naval Criminal Investigative Service (NCIS) investigating crimes in Australia.
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01x02 - Snakes in the Grass

Post by bunniefuu »



[MAN ] Well, you wanna go first?

You need all the help you can get, mate.

[MAN ] You're such a tool.


[MAN ] Ooh-hoo-hoo! Good cast, buddy.

You getting lessons?


- Ooh!
- Oh, you're kidding.

[MAN ] Whoo-hoo!
You snooze, you lose. [LAUGHS]

Oh-ho! Good luck
cooking that, you goose!

- Shut up.

Come on. Get out of it, Artie.


Oh! Ugh!

- Oh, sh*t!


[SCOFFS] God! Yikes.

I think they call that
'drinking the Kool-Aid'.

Oh, I'm pretty sure they call it a cap.

Ooh, sucking up to the new boss. Smart.

You get more with honey
than with vinegar, Evie.

You'll learn that when you grow up.

Oh, thanks, Pop.

- Morning, Cap'n. DeShawn.

- Hey, I brought coffees.
- So did we.

Great minds, huh?

Double jumbos, biggest they had.

I can see that. Save you
going back for seconds, yeah?

Or thirds.

[DESHAWN] God, I love you guys.

Dropping coffee by the sh*t.

Thank you, man.

- Do you...
- Oh, I'm good.

- You?
- Same.

I'll be bouncing off
the walls otherwise.

Who wants boba?


Mackey, NCIS.

- [DESHAWN] What is that?
- [BLUE] Oh, it's tea.

Okay, send me the details.

- Hey, we're on.
- Okay.

Oh, hey, Doc. Um, grab
a double jumbo on the go.

- What's a double jumbo?
- Unclear at this point.



[DESHAWN] You got your cap?
I've got a spare in the trunk.

Yeah, I don't really do caps.

Like, ever?

Do you know who does caps?

People who have given up on their hair.

Do I look like I've given up on my hair?

No, hair game's strong. [CHUCKLES]

What you got going on there?

Headquarters asked
if I wanted anything special,

so just on spec, I asked
for this new gait tech

I've been reading about.

You can identify people
just through their walk.

If I knew they were serious,
I would've asked who sh*t JFK.


I'm joking, obviously.

I know it was you guys.

[JD] You sure?

The captain has the conn, Sergeant.

- Aye-aye, ma'am.



Where to, Captain?




[MACKEY] Staff Sergeant Lee Mitchell,

worked out of the US
Naval Supply Depot in Sydney.

Long way from home either way.

- [MACKEY] Mm-hm.
- What have you got, Rosie?

I have got arthritis

and a coffee headache,
thanks for asking.

And how about him?

[DOC ROY] Uh, old mate,

he's got some vascular marbling,
bit of bloat...

not surprising given
he was in the drink.

- How long?
- Oh, no more than a day or two.

He's still got all his bits.


- You okay?
- Mm.

People can get into trouble out here,

especially if they're not
familiar with the country.


Well, they usually plan on
being out here.

He look like the outdoors type to you?

No. So how do you wind up dead
in the middle of the bush, then?

[DOC ROY] Oh, that's simple...
he was doing his tax,

he worked out how much he owed
and he had a heart att*ck.


[EVIE] Wow! That's some strut
you've got going on.

- Are you sure you never modeled?
- Can you not?

I'm trying to listen to the bird calls.

Ooh, and the sashay!

Gone all RuPaul on me.

Can you walk normal, for godsake?

This is my normal walk!

Really? You should probably
see someone about that.



I didn't say anything.

- I'm just glad I got it on film.
- Yeah, laugh it up.

At least in L.A. you can see
what's coming at you.

Here, everything can k*ll you

and I'm not even allowed
to carry a piece.

Oh, please!

Just fill out the paperwork,
do the retraining.

Six months later, you might get
the Minister's tick of approval.

- Or not.

- Welcome to Australia.
- And in the meantime?

In the meantime, you got me.

- I'm filled with confidence.



[DESHAWN] There's a car
registered to Lee Mitchell

parked at the trail head,
boss... spotless.

No prints on the door handle
or steering wheel. Nada.

- Phone?
- Yeah, not that we could see.

- And none here either.

[DOC ROY] Liver probe puts time of death

around am Saturday morning.

What's he doing taking a dip
at that time of night?

Well, he wasn't drowning. I can
tell you that much for nothing.

No water in his lungs.

This bloke was dead before he got wet.

That's why he's in such good nick.

So if he didn't drown,
how'd he die, then?

And how'd he wind up in the waterhole?

At first, I thought this
was the result of a fall,

but I couldn't find any
contusions or bones broken.

But then I found this.

Come here, Mackey. Have a gander, hm?

[MACKEY] What's that? A snakebite?

[DOC ROY] Bites, plural...
likely cause of death.

And for what it's worth,

it's been my experience
with the dead that, uh...

... they don't fall into waterholes.

They get pushed.

Got my first tox screen back.


- Sorry!
- Congrats. And?

Oxyuranus microlepidotus.

Hey, 'oxy' your own 'anus'.

It's an inland taipan.

It's amazing, right?

I gather that's a deadly
Australian snake.

Yeah, and then some.

It's like... it's like
the GOAT of deadly snakes.

A single drop of their toxin
can k*ll over a hundred adults.

So a deadly snake k*lled
Staff Sergeant Mitchell?

- Yeah.
- And that's amazing how exactly?

They're usually desert-dwellers,

so you wouldn't find one within
, kilometers from here.

Apart from the one that
k*lled the staff sergeant?

- Yep.
- And I'm guessing it's illegal

to possess a snake this venomous?

They're heavily regulated,
a bit like firearms.

Only I'm assuming they don't have

serial numbers for easy tracing?

[EVIE] Unfortunately not, but
I just googled 'inland taipan'...

outside of Taronga Zoo,
the only place registered

to hold them in Sydney
was broken into on Friday.

Have a guess what was stolen.


[WOMAN ON VIDEO] Welcome to Natureland,

where you don't just
get to talk to the animals,

but go for a walk with them too.

We have galahs, kookaburras...


- Didn't muck around, did they?
- Why'd they leave some?

[WOMAN] Well, they obviously
knew what they were looking for.

Carpet pythons are
the Swatches of the snake world.

These bastards went straight for
the Rolexes...

red-bellied black snakes

and a pair of lowland copperheads.

- [EVIE] And an inland taipan.
- [WOMAN] Yeah, only one we had.

That's her there.

I hope she bites them.

[DESHAWN] Uh, any other angle

where the van's
license plate is visible?

That's it, I'm afraid.

Well, it looks like they knew
what they were doing.


[WOMAN] Cleaned out most
of the pricey birds too...

yellow-tails, galahs, kookaburras.

What are they worth all up?

To me, priceless.

But on the black market in Asia,

they'd fetch north of half a mill.

Wait. Dollars?

Well, assuming they
make it there in one piece.

More than half won't, unfortunately.

But they just factor that
into the price.

Man, that's messed up.

Well, that's what happens
when rich people

run out of things to brag about.


[OFFICER] It's a massive enterprise...

the US Navy's biggest supply depot

in the Southern Hemisphere.

And what was Staff Sergeant
Mitchell's role here?

Logistics and Embarkation Marine.

My compliance officer, basically.

- [JD] Sounds like a big gig.
- Huge.

Track shipments in and out,

making sure we don't lose
too much stuff along the way.

And do you?

Volume business like this,

there's always gonna be some bleed.

That's why we track it all by weight.

What you got on board today, Tommy?

- Buggered if I know, Chief.

, kilos of something, hey?

[OFFICER] A ship arrives at port,

driver weighs the load,

then transports it to the supply depot

where it's weighed again

and if it weighs the same,
it is the same.

It takes human error out of it...

just how Mitchell liked it.

[MACKEY] How was he outside of work?

We didn't socialize much.

He preferred numbers to people.

So you'd describe him as private, then?

Secretive maybe?

Was he involved in something
I should know about here?

Just trying to get a picture of the man.

He have any enemies to speak of?

He was a good guy. He did
his job and he did it well.

More than I can say for some.


You know what, Chief? We have
taken up enough of your time.



Which of you fellas can show us

to Lee Mitchell's office?

So the Chief reckons Mitchell
was a tricky dude.

Was? Is he going somewhere?

Would you like him to?

Oh, no way. Lee's my main man.

Great guy. Makes my job easy.

Yeah, which is what exactly?

I run the floor.

A load comes in, I weigh it, stack it

and onto the next one.

Lee ever bust your b*lls
over any compliance stuff?

Nah, we work great together.
Never had an issue.


[CHUCKLES] ... they're unbreakable.

I'll be sure to put that in the report.

Okay, so here's my pitch...

Mitchell's got a thing
for exotic Australian animals

that go for big money
on the black market, right?

So he and his mates
knock off Natureland,

but it all goes pear-shaped

when he gets bitten
by the taipan he's stealing,

forcing his mates
to dump his body in the bush,

hoping it looks like death by snakebite,

but they didn't realize that
the snake wasn't from the area.

How am I doing?

Well, it was just a pitch.

When I was , I worked a summer

at Redman's Granary
just outside of Muscatine.

Sounds like the start of a country song.

Good people.

The only one I didn't click
with was the compliance officer.

- Know why?
- No.

'Cause if they're any
good at what they do,

no one likes the compliance officer.

Neither of those guys we just met

could speak more highly
of our staff sergeant.

- Right?
- Glowing references.

Which says to me that either
he was terrible at his job...

Or someone's telling porky pies.






[LOUDLY] Doc, what time
did he die again?!

- What?
- Huh?


- Who?
- Mr. Mitchell.

What was his time of death?

Oh, about am, thereabouts. Why?

Nothing. I just think I worked
out where he d*ed. That's all.

- Oh, yeah? Good onya.
- No, I checked the sat nav.

And there were no trips
logged that night,

but GPS ghost-tracks
the car the whole time.

So I had a poke around
the cache and there it was...

the community hall
in Terrey Hills at : am,

more than an hour from
where we found the body.


- You tell the team, yeah?
- No.

Was I supposed to?

This is a big deal. Tell the team.

- Oh, okay... [SIGHS]
- What are you doing?

Mackey's gonna go ape.
She already hates me.

I'm just texting to see
if it's okay to call her.

Oh, they're coppers!

police officers, all right?

[DIALS] They're used
to taking unsolicited calls.

- Hm?
- Mm.


Listen, um...

... Bluebird.

Mackey doesn't hate you.

- She terrifies you.
- Yes.

- She's a direct person.
- Yes.

You be direct. You look her in the eye.

All right? Got that?


She'll appreciate it, promise you.



Oh, come on!



- Nup.
- What?!

According to Blue, this could
be a potential m*rder scene.

Yeah, two days ago.

But right now it's a community hall.



- Far out.
- Would you quit it?

This thing is unreal.

I mean, it doesn't matter how
scared you're walking, nothing.

- It still recognizes your gait.
- Look. A, I'm not scared.

And, B, that's 'cause you
already have me on your dataset.

But if you don't then you've got
nothing to match to. What then?

Well, then there's always RuPaul.

Wait, wait, wait. That
kinda looks like tracks.

- It looks fresh, though.
- Yeah.

Somebody's been. Wait. Hold on.



- Guess we better check it out.
- After you.

- You know, it's your country.
- Fine.

Scissors, paper, rock.
You know the rules?

Well, assuming it's the same thing

as rock, paper, scissors,
I know the rules.

I wouldn't brag about
being backwards, D.

- But whatever.
- All right.

[LAUGHS] Paper beats rock.

Let me know what you find down there...

- [CHUCKLES] Oh-ho-ho!
- What the hell is that?

- It's a taser.
- A taser?

I thought you knew the rules.
Taser beats paper.

- Then what beats taser?
- Nothing.

So why not always do taser?

I do.

She's all yours, mate.

I'm gonna go pick that lock.

Hey! You really gonna make me
go under there unarmed?

- [SIGHS] Of course not.
- That's what I'm talking about.

You gotta hook me up with something.



g*dd*mn taser.


Oh, dammit.


Oh, God...




Ooh! Oh, come on. No, no, no, no, no.

Please, please, please.
Don't die now. Don't...

Come on! Oh!



You gotta be kidding me.

You gotta be kidding me... [MURMURS]


Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy, bro.

Yo, I'm not gonna hurt you.

- Just...

Okay, look. I'm one of
the good guys, okay?

Look, just chill, all right?

Evie! Evie!



I found the taipan and Mitchell's phone.


We need to find these guys.



[SQUAWKS] Hello?


[DESHAWN] As far as I'm concerned,

Mitchell got what he had coming to him.

Karma's a b*tch, bro.

Easy! Staff Sergeant Mitchell
was a United States Marine.

Yeah, with a side hustle in
exploiting native animals.

Zero sympathy from me.

Yeah, what is it, Doc?

Mate, are you anywhere near
the access door?

Uh, yeah, I'm right there. What's up?

Well, I've just pulled
a dozen splinters of wood

from underneath Mitchell's fingernails.

You check the inside of
the door, will you, please?

Oh, let me call you back, Doc.

[EVIE] Looks like Mitchell's buddies

just upgraded from
smugglers to m*rder.

- Son of a b*tch.
- [MACKEY] Yeah.

They trapped him down there with
the world's most venomous snake.

If you want to get angry,
get angry at them.

Well, at least we're getting closer.

We now know the where, when
and how it went down.

Just working on the why.


- Hello?


What if Staff Sergeant Mitchell
was a door

who used his access to navy
logistics to traffic wildlife,

one of his buddies got greedy,
decided to cut him out?

Or he got cold feet, wanted out

and they needed
to make sure he didn't spill?

Either way, we need to find his crew.

See if Blue can find out who
Mitchell's been chatting with.

- [EVIE] On it.
- Let me guess... Mitchell's joint?

I'm driving.


You haven't broken it already, have you?

I'm just taking the piss.

Engine won't start without your
foot on the brake. Safety tip.

I got a safety tip for you, Sergeant.

I don't do well with backseat drivers.

Of course not, 'cause you
flew Hueys for a living.

- Yeah.
- Hey, you got this.


It is bad enough that you drive
on the wrong side of the road,

but you gotta put the wipers

where the turn signals are meant to be?

- 'Indicators'.
- Now you're giving the piss.

- 'Taking' it.
- No.

In this instance, I believe
you're definitely giving it.

Let's go.

[EVIE] Blue?

Boss lady wants it turned inside-out

for any sign of Mitchell's conspirators.



- Oh, my goodness!

- Hello!
- [SQUAWKS] G'day.

Who's a pretty boy?

[SQUAWKS] Who's a pretty boy?

I'm actually a girl,
and I'm not that pretty.

[SQUAWKS] Who's a pretty boy?

[CHUCKLES] All right,
well, I'll take it.

- Hey?
- Uh, paging Blue?

Mitchell's phone, yeah?

Yep, so...

Yep, do you...

On it. Yep, got it! On it!

Um, hey, Doc?

What? What do you want?

Wasn't too sure what to do with them.

I didn't want to leave them in
the trash 'cause, you know...

Because they're not trash.

They, uh, might be used
as evidence at some point.

I figured you'd have somewhere
to keep them till them.

Yeah, good onya, mate.

We'll, uh...

... we'll keep them
for as long as it takes.

Come on, Attenborough. I've got an idea.

[DESHAWN] This is your plan?

Where better to base
your animal export racket

than in one of the largest
logistics hubs in the country?

And if I'm right, whoever robbed
Natureland k*lled Mitchell

and we already have him on tape.

Yeah, except we don't know who they are

thanks to the balaclavas.

That's where the gait tech comes in.

You said it yourself...
we don't have a database.

So let's build one.

Okay, fellas, I need
everyone to form a line.

First gentleman up, let's go.


- Next.
- Okay.

[EVIE] Next.


Come on, matey.

That it, bro?

I'm good. You good?

Yeah, I will be once you
stop wasting my time.



-bit encryption.

That's a little bit
over the top, isn't it?

Come on, come on. Okay.

Boss lady already thinks
you're not up to this.

Gotta impress Mackey, dumb-ass.

[SQUAWKS] Mackey dumb-ass.

No! No, no, no, no, no.

Don't say that. Don't say that, okay?

- No, no.
- Mackey dumb-ass.

[BLUE] I'm the dumb-ass.

Mackey's my boss and she...
she's terrifying!

But she's very nice, okay?

Mackey... Mackey nice! Mackey nice!

[SQUAWKS] Mackey dumb-ass.

[MACKEY] I like what Mitchell's
done to the place.

Ugh, I'm getting flashbacks

to every furnished apartment
I've ever lived in.

[JD] Right?

[MACKEY] Who does this?

Labels for, what,

sheets, pillow slips, duvets?

'Doonas', in case you need to buy one.

- Sounds made up.

Still, I'm gonna have
to buy all this stuff

once the fleet pulls out and I
have to find some proper digs.

Where am I supposed to get
all this housey stuff?

A housey-stuff store, I guess.

Sounds challenging.

As far as degree of difficulty goes,

I'd say it's a, you know, . .

How long you say you've been
living out of a suitcase for?

Trying to remember
the last time I didn't.

Oh, right. Well, make that a , then.

Long time to be away from family, huh?



[MACKEY] Sarge?


Wow. Okay.

- You read table?
- No, afraid not.

What do you think this means?

I'm not sure,

but it was written by
a compliance officer

who was involved in
trafficking exotic animals,

one of which ended up k*lling him.

- Hm.
- Be good to know, wouldn't it?


[BLUE] Oh, my goodness.

It's beautiful.

Yeah, if you get off on pure math.

I know, right?

How'd do you with Mitchell's phone?

Uh... big-time encrypted.

But I did manage to hack his playlist.


And, um, turns out that Mr. Mitchell

was into some pretty trippy
' s German trance.

Uh, Niels Van Gogh,
Laut Sprecher, HiQ...

But the rest is scrambled eggy.

But you're working
on un-egging it, right?

Yep, totally un... un-egging,
fully un-egged.


I won't let you down, Agent Mackey.

[SQUAWKS] Mackey dumb-ass.

- No, no, he...

He's taken that totally out of context.

- Just cr*ck the phone, Blue.



I... I don't think we have to.

[CLICKS] I'm the dumb-ass!

- I don't know how I missed this.
- Missed what?

Ever since I fired up
Mr. Mitchell's phone,

he's been receiving
incoming notifications and...

- I'm such a nuffy!
- Come again?

- [BLUE] Every seconds.

See, social media and newsfeeds,

they're randomized
based on what people post.

But this is regular.

This feels like
a geolocator of some sort.


So someone was tracking
Mitchell's phone.

No, I think he was
tracking someone else's

and whoever it is, they just
left the Naval Supply Depot,

heading towards Mascot.

- Patch it through to my phone.
- Already have.

Mackey says, "Good job, Blue".

[SQUAWKS] Mackey dumb-ass.


Let's go. Solve that... and that.

Well done.

What are you doing to me, buddy?

I'm already an endangered
species around here, okay?

I don't need your help.


- Hey, big fella.


Hello, Tommy. Remember us?

Got some questions about Lee Mitchell.

Huh, nah, I don't really know the guy.

Hey, so how come his phone

had a GPS tracker linked to yours, huh?

Nah, I don't know anything about that.


We found it in a crawl space
underneath the community hall...

... where he d*ed.

Know nothing about that too?

Mitchell wasn't in on it.
He was onto it.

He put a tracker in your phone

and followed you to your stash house.

Where you caught him and k*lled him.

Yeah, I wanna speak to my lawyer.

Yeah, no worries.

Hey, while we wait, um,

you should hear the message
he recorded while he was dying.

Hey, play him the part

where he was begging for them to
let him out of the crawl space.

Or maybe his dying words to his mum?

[JD] Help us out here

and it won't all come
down on you, Tommy.

Walk away and all bets are off.

Look, Mitchell...

... was a nosy bastard.

But he didn't deserve that.

The snake was way too much
and I told him that.

Told who? Whose idea was it, Tommy?

Come on, mate. Hey.

Tell us the truth.

Who else was with you?






- It's a bit late now.
- Come on, partner!

Take the win!

Look, we have confirmation

Tommy was part of the Natureland heist.

Except he's on Doc's autopsy
table with a hole in his head,

so not a lot of use in finding
out who the others are.

Uh-uh. Disagree. Look.

Whoever sh*t Tommy knew
your fancy gait tech

was gonna ping him
as one of the thieves.

They knew we'd bring Tommy in.

- So they got him first.
- So?

So that means someone else
from the depot was in on it.

[CLAPS] We just need to find out who.



[MACKEY] Is this really necessary?

Yeah, she's using Lee's music
to get into his vibe.

- Just let her do her thing.
- Oh, I am, believe me.

They're permanent markers.


- Blue?

- Oh! Sorry. Hi. Um...
- Got anything?

No, not really. Um...

[SIGHS] I'm thinking these are dates

written in American format
with the month first.

- They could be shipping dates.
- That's a lot of shipments.

I mean, there's no way they're
exporting that many animals.

Maybe it's not just animals.

Maybe it's not just exports.

What if this is bigger
than we're imagining?

Chief Rennie said
they lost a lot of stuff.

What if they're skimming
on the imports too?

[DOC ROY] Here you go... . mm round

fired from a m*llitary-style
as*ault r*fle.

You didn't hear it. Most
likely, it was suppressed.

- . mm? That one of yours?
- [MACKEY] Maybe.

Marine Special Ops
have been trialing them

for the last few months.

And in any case, if this b*llet

didn't get him first,

the heart att*ck would've
come a close second.

Old Tommy's arteries
were absolutely sh*t.

Clogged up like the Harbour
Tunnel on a long weekend.

Can you please stop talking? Just...

How much did he weigh again?

kilograms. Big lump of a lad.

He would've made a great prop, you know?

- It's weights.
- [DOC ROY] Huh?

It's weights. It's...

. . . . . . . .

You average out all these
numbers and what do you get?

You get a fail in high school maths.

You get -kilo Tommy Latu
driving a truck.

It's simple. It's all...

Oh, gross, tare... it's all here.

It's plus or minus either side of .

- Here.
- Oop! Ooh!

[BLUE] Okay, the goods
come off the ship at the port

into the truck where
it's weighed and logged.

Instead of going to the depot,

Tommy makes a detour
via the community hall

where he offloads
kilos of navy gear.

But now the truck is underweight
so when he gets to the depot,

he just sits in the truck
while it's being weighed,

bringing the total back up to square.

It's the simplest scam of all.

They are stealing gear based
on Tommy's body weight.

We need to figure out who the
other two bottom-feeders are,

'cause if we solve Natureland,
we solve the lot.

Feel like asking a man about a g*n?

Well, that depends... are you driving?



Might catch a bus next time.


[RENNIE] Back already, Agency Mackey?

How can I miss you if you never go away?

Last time, I promise.

What you're suggesting
just isn't possible.

Too many checks and balances.

You'd hope so given the type
of material they store here.

[JD] Like g*n, for instance.

Got any of them in stock?

We're a trans-shipment hub

for the entire US Asia-Pacific fleet.

Of course we have g*n.

Oh, anything that fires a . mm round?

If it's US Marine issue, we'd have it.

I think my colleague,
in his roundabout Aussie way,

is asking to see them, Chief.

[DESHAWN] All right, robber number one.

Bit slow on the uptake, D.

We've already found him, remember?

I know, but it got me thinking,
what's the first thing

a thief does before he robs somewhere?

Flunks school and has a string
of unfulfilling relationships?

Mn-mn. He cases the joint.

You think someone saw him at Natureland?

Maybe, and if so, maybe
he can ID his buddies too.

See? Not just a pretty face, huh?

Not even.

[EVIE] Come on, princess.

So you had a little run-in with a snake.

Pfft, little?

Top most venomous animal
on the entire planet.

And you lived to tell the tale.
Good for you.

Yeah, I could've been a statistic.

Oh, please!

What is it with you foreigners

and your obsession
about Australian wildlife?

I don't know a single person

who's ever been bitten by a snake.

- Really?
- Yeah.

It's all hype. Never even seen one.

Okay, makes me feel
a little better, I guess.

Oh, there you go.

Now, your white-tail,
on the other hand...

- White-tail?
- Hm?

Common house spider, all over Sydney.

They'll crawl into your washing,
your bed, clothing...

Especially your undies.

Huh! Please tell me you're kidding.

Wish I was.

Ex-boyfriend got bitten down there.


Became necrotic.

Doctors had to... [MAKES GUTTURAL NOISE]

I mean, that was it as far as
our relationship was concerned.

Ask yourself why most
Aussie guys go commando.

Welcome to Natureland...

Oh, and now you're gonna tell me

I have to worry about
kangaroos too, right?

Look, I'm telling you,
I draw the line there.

You know, kangaroos are cute.
They got little babies.

No! You guys got birds
the size of dinosaurs.

[JD] How many as*ault r*fles
you have in stock currently?


- I'll have to check.
- [JD] Oh, we can wait.

And while you're at it, let me know

how much one weighs with a suppressor.


We currently have r*fles
on site according to this.

And each weighs . kg
suppressed, give or take.

So divided by . ?

. . Hm, .

What's ?

That's how many g*n you're missing.



I don't understand.

We're gonna need to see footage
from your most recent delivery.


Now show me last Tuesday, : am.

Any idea why the driver's

still in the truck
if you're weighing the load?

Be a sport, punch in
on the driver, would you?

That's, um... I'll
have to follow that up.

Or you could assume, like we have,

that Tommy's been ripping off the navy

by skimming his body weight in goods.

[MACKEY] Whose job is it to
assess the weighing of the trucks?

- Floor manager Frank Lupo.
- And who's his direct report?

- Let me check.
- [JD] Thanks.




[JD] Where's Lupo?

And where are the
as*ault r*fles he's stolen?

Okay, okay! Natureland.

The deal's going down.
It's happening as we speak.

[JD] Evie and D are
walking right into it.


[DESHAWN] Wait a minute. What?

Look like the van from
the CCTV footage of the robbery?


The tread's a match to the tire tracks

at the community hall too.

Someone's packing up to leave.

What the hell?

- What...

- What the...

- [WOMAN] Don't answer that.

[MAN] Yeah, we'll take the lot.

[MAN ] And more if you've got 'em.


Found these two snooping around outside.

What, just the two of them?

- I didn't see anyone else.
- Come here.


Oh, hello, sunshine.


What? No g*n? Really?

And you call yourself a cop, hey?

Don't even start.

Play it smart.

You're only making things worse.


I never done smart. Just
ask my sixth-grade teacher.

Oh, you made it that far? Go, you.




We need urgent backup
at Black Mountain Road...


Car, not chopper, yeah?


We need to get out of here.

We can be on a plane before
anybody knows what happened.

And then what? They're NCIS.
They know who we are.

They may know who you are,
but they got no idea about us.

And how long do you reckon
that's gonna last for, genius?

Depends what happens next.





- Left, left!


What do you think they're saying?

I don't think they're
swapping falafel recipes.

It's gonna work, it's gonna work.

Trust me, it will.
Do you want me to do it?


Bring the van around the front. Go. Now.

You guys, go. I got this.

- Let's go. On your feet.
- [DESHAWN] We're good here.

Come again?

Oh! Oh, you think I'm gonna
make it easy for you?

You know, head outside so you
can sh**t us in the back?

You wanna sh**t me, you look me
in the eyes while you do it.

[CHUCKLES] Tough guy, are ya?

No, not at all, but I've been
to w*r so I know what it takes.

See, I don't think you do.

Lee Mitchell would have a thing
or two to say about that.

Really? So you locked him
in a crawl space with a snake?

Couldn't look him
in the eye either, could you?

Nah, I had no problem k*lling him.

I just hate snakes, is all.

[WOMAN] Frank?

What you waiting for?

- Load it up!
- It's gonna be tricky.

Hey, Frank. Us again.

Get back!

It's over, Frank! We got
the place surrounded!

Hands on your head!
Face down on the floor now!

[RAPID g*n]

Hate to point out the obvious,

but it looks like you guys
are g*n here, mate.

Come on. Give me the g*n.
Give me the g*dd*mn g*n.

It doesn't seem fair, does it?



- Oh!
- Don't even think about it!

Put it down! Now!



- [DESHAWN] You good?

- Yeah.
- All right.


[JD] Still at it?

Yeah, I, uh... I need to call
Sergeant Mitchell's mom.

I'm just waiting for the timezone

to kick in more favorably on her end.

Never a good time to be getting the news

you're about to give her, huh?

That's the gig.

Are you moving in?

Oh, no. Just, um, housey stuff.

Um, excuse the wrapping.

Come join us when you're done, Macka.

Why don't we just stick with 'Mackey'?

Oh, bugger. No one told you, did they?

Told me what?

See, when Aussies like someone,

we become incapable
of using their real names.

- Why is that?
- I don't know.

It's part of our natural charm, I guess.


[JD] Hm.

So, uh, what do I do with 'JD', then?

You'll figure something out.



[DESHAWN] Check it out.
Sydney's turning it on.

Damn! This country is something else.

Well, sounds like we've got a fan there.

He's like a little
American Paddington Bear.

You know he's personally making sure

every one of those animals gets rehomed

at a sanctuary up north?

Now who's drinking the Kool-Aid, huh?

- Oh, whatever!
- Yeah.

I'm still not wearing a cap, though.

- [SCOFFS] Yeah.
- Oh, do me a favor.

Find out if he's wearing undies.

You told him the white-tail story.

- Didn't you?

[DOC ROY] Okay, fella,
what do you reckon?

Scissors, paper, rock for
the next round? Up for it?

[DESHAWN] Ooh-hoo! Come on.
I'll take some of that action.

- Come on. Here we go.
- Right.

Ha-ha! Taser beats scissors.

Yeah? Nah, mate.

The old double taser
beats everything, son.

- Double taser?
- The old double taser.

I think these Aussies
got your number, D.

There she is. Mackey on deck.

[DOC ROY] Here you go.

[GALAH SQUAWKS] Mackey dumb-ass.



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