[machine sound]
[suspenseful music]
[g*nshots]
Backup! The Police, we need backup now!
Oh man this is not good!
We are being k*lled out here!
How is he still alive? Help-
Oh... Jesus...
That's not good...
Hey! We got another one over here!
Dear Lord... You! Take some pictures.
I'm gonna go somewhere...
[suspenseful music]
[helicopter approaching]
Whats up Ever?
Whats up?
Let's go.
What do you have for me?
Well, we're just finishing
identifying the casualties.
I was hoping you would
know anything about this,
Since you're normally around
when this kind of shit happens...
And what happened exactly?
The weirdest one-three-one I've ever seen,
that's the only thing
I'm certain at the moment.
Let me break it down,
because this shit is f*cking baffling.
We have tens of thousands
of rounds discharged,
And no bodies besides the forty-three
PMCs that were present in the compound.
Every single one with a single
g*nsh*t to head from a .223 FMJ.
Which we found no cartridges for.
There is a massive splatter
trail right over there,
which suggests that
someone managed to run about
50 meters while being
shot from both fronts,
fell to the floor, and somehow
either somebody carried the body away,
or he got up himself and walked!
There are pieces of flesh and kevlar,
but no signs of a body anywhere!
So let me get this straight:
You're telling me that the only
person that was getting shot at,
Is the only body you guys didn't find?
[sirens]
It gets better. Come inside.
What the hell is that?
Irrelevant!
Apparently one of the guards
shot two others in the head
and one in the legs with a large-caliber
handgun that we haven't found
anywhere... before being shot 92 times,
in the back, and then someone
proceeded to k*ll 13 of them
by sh**ting... through the wall.
All of them were headshots,
independently of how many f*cking
walls there were between them!
In addition to this... magic gunman
bullshit that apparently wrecked the place,
it appears that they also randomly
decided to sh**t each other.
Again...
through the f*cking walls!
Aargh! My head!
I just cannot make
anything coherent out of this.
Nothing makes sense!
Maybe...
Maybe the tapes could
shed some light to this.
[sirens]
Dude...
this is my first week here.
Not even the world's... Best detective...
could solve this.
Don't worry Forevin
I am not the Best.
I know you guys!
Thank god are you here! That man...
who did this... his name is-
Don't try to talk! Save your strengths man,
save your strength.
But... but... I know who did this!
He lives in-
Hey! Someone help this
man, we're losing him!
Hey hey, don't worry.
We'll find who did this,
and we'll bring him to justice.
I promise.
[sirens]
[suspenseful music]
No! Please No! No!
Oh don't worry...
I might be stupid...
but I'm not an idiot.
Sir...
Sir...
Your w*apon sir...
Please...
Thank you...
Now my hands are free-
[rock music]
[expl*si*n]
[expl*si*n]
[suspenseful music]
[instrumental music]
Sorry guys, traffic.
Can I?
Go ahead. Kevin made these.
Sir, why are we here?
Well, you know the attack
that happened yesterday?
Well apparently, those
expl*sives were a match
for a robbery that
happened a few weeks ago.
Same kind of expl*sives here.
I still can't believe they pulled that off.
I mean with the amount
of security they had-
Well,
I'm more interested in the
undead dude from yesterday.
I did some digging, turns out: undead
dude might be connected to them.
Off-the-record, I moved some
of our scouts to outside his house.
If we are lucky, we can close both cases.
Yeah, we should probably... hurry up.
The lookouts haven't reported now in...
two hours.
Well,
it's Monday, like...
no one cares that much about things.
[laughter]
Oh god we need backup now! There's Bl-
[laughter]
Yay, it's going to be a
very lazy and slow sh**t,
am I right guys!?
Yo Kevin!
What the f*ck did you
make this sandwich with?
I MADE THEM WITH LOVE!
Oh god I can't feel my legs!
Alright lets go.
The house is two clicks from
here, east of the Bravo Compound.
Hey Che, what is the history
with these guys anyway?
Intel estimates five to eight guys,
but it spotted a 5th
edition DD starter pack,
which means we are
dealing with probably five,
one being the D.
Central discarded the
possibility of a sixth player
as f*cking ridiculous.
Alright, that's what I wanted to hear.
It's a weak door so...
speech module malfunction
Here you have some grenades guys!
[suspenseful music]
Yeah, we have a visual on the house.
Hey,
check if that thing is
loaded with stunners,
we want them alive ok?
We're going through the doors,
because the windows are rigged okay?
Remember, no expl*sives
on this one, got it?
Alright.
You okay?
Yeah I'm fine.
After us,
go after the signal, ok?
[suspenseful music]
Remember, that thing has stunners right?
Yeah.
Okay.
After we give the signal, you're
gonna go in and flank them.
Okay?
Okay.
Alright.
You should go to hide
behind that pillar over there,
It's a better angle.
Hey, safety's on idiot.
We know that the doors are rigged,
So we are going through the windows okay?
Good luck.
You dropped this.
The Police! Drop your weapons!
[g*nshots]
You're under arrest, do not resist!
Get down!
Hey sarge,
I think I'm gonna need more of these...
Clear!
Nice work guys.
Doesn't this seem a bit too
much for a bunch of nerds?
Guys!
Are you There?
Hey guy,
are you okay?
[rock music]
Looks like a natural twenty to me...
Hey sarge,
I think you should really look at this...
I've seen these masks before...
But they've never been
this far into the city...
Well,
they were never really fond of g*ns either.
So do you think the suspect
could be one of them?
Unlikely.
Look.
The drawers are all busted open.
So was the backdoor
already when we arrived.
They were looking for something.
Maybe him.
[suspenseful music]
Whoa, that's a whole lot of firepower!
Smells like something's burnt.
This box is still warm, what the hell!?
What the hell does that mean?
You're the detective sarge,
I just blow up people-
I mean stuff.
I mean, people.
I guess we can go home early today.
Cool.
How many guys did you really say they were?
[g*nshots]
[indistinct]
[g*nshots]
I thought they were only six guys.
Drop it, assh*le.
[laughter]
You moron! No one can sh**t me now!
Oh trust me,
I can still very much sh**t you.
Oh really now?
Maybe if your boys didn't f*ck up so much,
you'd have more suspects alive.
Don't you think?
You're stuck with me lucky charms now boy!
You assh*le.
You'll never take me alive!
Goddammit.
Hey!
This is the police. slow
down so we can arrest you!
[sirens]
[suspenseful music]
Come on man!
Come on man!
You! Come with me!
How do you do that, sir?
Cardio!
Oh, okay!
My data shows that
none of you have gotten
any closer to each other.
Also, you're running in circles
in case you haven't noticed.
Come on man!
Again?
Shit!
Suckers!
[g*nshots]
Jackpot!
f*ck!
Shit!
Watch out!
He's gonna escape in
that school bus full of kids!
Oh no he's not.
You can do this.
[explosions]
Central.
It looks like we have a problem.
He's still alive!
Them crazy b*stards!
Jackpot!
Jackpot!
You have nowhere to hide thief!
You're surrounded!
Irish
You need me alive now boy,
I'm holding all of the cards...
Hey Sarge,
Why don't we arrest him?
He doesn't have any weapons!
Wait, what!?
He's using a stand in!
[suspenseful music]
Looks like you bring my B-level
potential to the test Boy!
It started like maybe, two days ago.
Or was it three months?
I honestly forget,
because my nephew-
used to come by every week
to deliver groceries to us
but he stopped.
Cause he got married.
So I can't really remember
the time frame here.
Because he likes in lother cityl now,
And I don't know when he got married so,
maybe I got the toaster as a return gift.
A man with a metal face told me that it'd-
where was I?
You are gonna tell us about the toaster.
Oh, Yes! Yes! Well...
A while ago I tried to um...
toast some bread on it!
And I set it to three minutes.
Which I think is a happy
medium in crunchiness!
But then I checked!
And,
not only it stayed in for-
six whole minutes before jumping...
the bread flew all across the room!
And it was ice cold!
The toaster has a book tilting it because,
the house is tilted the other way so-
there is no way it could
have fell on the floor like that!
[somber music]
[phone rings]
[suspenseful music]
[heavy breathing]
f*ck,
that's deep.
[g*nshots]
Hey, have you found him yet?
We need to find him alive!
Yeah maybe, but the top brass wants him-
alive!
He is.
I can hear ragged breathing.
He's hiding here somewhere...
Let me listen, I'll find him.
Goddammit, trigger-happy m*therf*ckers!
What!?
[suspenseful music]
Great,
our best guy is useless!
Okay guys bundle up, bundle up.
We're not getting anywhere like this.
Let's find him the old fashioned way.
We,
sh**t him, with our g*ns!
We,
Point at the possible hiding places,
and sh**t'em!
He either dies or moves.
The sooner he moves...
The sooner we'll find him!
What if you sh**t him accidentally?
Then,
we would be even.
Go!?
Stop it!
Where's my r*fle goddammit!
Shit!
Stop wasting a*mo!
f*cking morons...
Wanna play it like this?
Alright, lets do it.
I know you're here.
I'm the last one. Might
as well take you with me...
This is for you m*therf*cker!
[expl*si*n]
[suspenseful music]
[g*nshots]
[suspenseful music]
[g*nshots]
[suspenseful music]
[river running]
[river running]
[electric buzz]
The Hushed fight well.
But they have a fatal flaw.
They are mortal flesh.
You will go no further.
[river running]
You don't even care who I am.
What is this crap!?
Oh yeah? If you tell me what
it is, I can give it back to you.
What is it, government sec-
You are entropy walking.
You were to die.
Now death has no meaning.
We will chase until there is nothing.
[suspenseful music]
Why ask the hammer the carpenter's purpose?
I'm taking this with me!
If any of you...
follow me...
there will be none of you left!
[river running]
Why do you walk?
Your story has ended.
You have no meaning.
No purpose.
This world is built on purpose.
v*olence has a purpose.
Endings have a purpose.
If you destroy purpose,
then this world cannot continue.
You'll be a free man wandering the abyss.
[fire crackling]
[dramatic music]
[wind blowing]
[wind blowing]
[heavy breathing]
[suspenseful music]
Che!
What the hell happened
in the last thirty minutes!?
Parking, Sarge!
What!?
Parking Violation.
The Traffic... Issued...
The traffic division issued a ticket,
and things kinda escalated from there...
What!?
That's the car sir!
Parking second line,
over a no-parking zone,
in a one way street sir!
Yeah that's great,
but what about the suspect!?
He cracked immediately sir!
He said that he would give us,
the unsub location, as soon
as we got him a safe place.
He wants protection.
Wait, so why the hell are we standing here,
handing f*cking parking tickets!?
Because of that sir.
[g*nshots]
They have a Anti-t*nk nest,
With a Cannon right around that building.
[g*nshots]
Let me see.
It almost blew your head off!
Left side of your face!
Sir, how did they manage to wound you!?
Broadside!
There are way too many
living hombres over here!
Where are you!?
Excuse me sir, I'm on
my union-mandated break.
You're what!?
sn*per's Union sir!
Labor rights require me
to take a 20 minute break
for every one hour of sniping sir!
Hey sarge, if your powers are
gone, what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna k*ll this Anti-t*nk assh*le,
and then I'm gonna go back
to finding what really matters!
And you guys...
are coming with me.
Che.
Bruiser.
Kevin.
Kevin's dead sir.
You're Kevin now!
So listen,
Here's the plan...
[g*nshots]
[g*nshots]
We're pinned down!
Thanks.
Everyone ok?
Could've been better sir.
Clear!
Che,
Bruiser, we go first.
Kevin, Mevin, you cover us?
[g*nshots]
Go!
Damn it. Bruiser, watch our back!
[g*nshots]
Who are you?
There is no one here.
Each step closer to him,
the ripples grow stronger.
Entropy has no place here.
Why are you after him!?
What is he to you!?
We don't have much time.
This world only continues as long as
causality stays
predictive, and your actions
can be planned around. Self-awareness,
consciousness introduces entropy, which
lessens their ability to keep this
closed system stable. We still don't know
the cause of routines developing sapience,
there may be outside interference-
What are you doing!? We had a lead Witness!
Overlord-This is Jevin5. Situation is out
of control. Airstrike requested by central.
T-minus 20 minutes. Over.
I- I don't care! I'm going after him!
[g*nshots]
[expl*si*n]
One, two, three!
What are you doing here?
You lost?
Whatever, get on the back.
You're coming with us.
Bruiser, get on behind me.
Kevin!
You're alive!
Yeah, but um... sir...
Anyway guys, we have 20 minutes before
this place gets turned into a parking lot.
You, get on the machine g*n.
We have to split to flank the sn*per.
You, come with me, Che
you go with Bruiser ok?
See you on the other side.
Let's go. See ya.
Watch your back. Ok.
[g*nshots]
How you guys doing?
Fine sarge!
Looks like that was the last one of them.
Yeah.
Run!
You alive?
[heavy breathing]
[g*nshots]
Gimme a sitrep.
I only have one mag.
Bruiser, what about you?
Half mag.
Shit.
I'm out. I only have two grenades.
Six.
Alright guys,
Good news:
He hasn't seen us yet.
Bruiser, Kevin.
You cover us. Che,
and me, we go first.
Okay?
Let's go.
[g*nshots]
[g*nshots]
You okay?
Stay here.
I'm gonna check ahead ok?
Aw shit.
Kevin!
Move!
[g*nshots]
One round!
Any good ideas sarge?
Look Kevin,
we are going through
the windows of this house,
because the doors are trapped,
got it?
Windows!?
What the f*ck do you mean!?
Play along or we are all gonna die.
We are now going to breach the
house trough the front door sir!
Okay, good luck.
What the f*ck?
[suspenseful music]
Remember, no expl*sives on this one, Che.
We're hiding over the third pillar.
How's that for game-breaking huh?
[suspenseful music]
You are not the only one
who can break the rules.
Take that, you ugly prick!
[suspenseful music]
[heavy breathing]
Tell me something:
are you immortal?
Just as much as you are.
Good.
You're heavy.
Well,
back to traffic control.
Hey sarge!
Come on!
We have an ilegally parked
bus two blocks from here!
Alright, lets get this fool!
Great sir!
That bus driver is gonna get it!
Checks video feed How
did he manage to do that!?
Don't mind if I do!
Were these made with the
same stuff as those
sandwiches this morning?
Who the hell parks a bus like that?
Sorry.
[explosions]
Sarge, you are under arrest.
Central, Ever has gone rogue.
Sir...
I'm back you fucks!
Going off-script...
so that's why they are mute.
Hey Mevin. Hey.
Stop. What're you doing.
You shouldn't be doing that.
Why are you doing this dude.
This world's bullshit, and I'm
gonna see the manager about it.
Whatever.
Sargent! Where are you?
We need your help! Things
are getting out of hand!
We need your help! Things
are getting out of hand!
[heavy breathing]
Fine!
Wanna stop me from doing my job!?
Our job!?
Okay! Because guess what!?
Someone has to do it!
And it won't... be... you!
Report this!
/SOUND OUTPUT ERROR/
We need your help! Things
are getting out of hand!
I guess that illusion
fell really flat didn't it?
Horrible cable management by the way.
Now lets see where you live.
[footsteps]
Hey.
You?
Relax.
Not here to fight you.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of fighting all the time.
The world outside is burning and...
for the first time in ever...
I can't do anything about it.
So instead...
All I want...
is to know why.
Why is this happening?
Well that's understandable.
I k*lled seventy-six people today,
give me a f*cking break.
You k*lled a lot more than
that with your actions you know?
Your friends, they-They...
are not...
my friends.
Not your friends huh?
They...
were made to k*ll me.
Made?
Well that's an interesting choice of words.
Yeah, made.
See this?
This...
is a movie.
Starring you.
And it ended... pretty differently.
And I'm not part of it.
None of it is real Ever. None of it!
They had a plan for us.
But since I changed your f*cking story,
The internal logic of this
world is breaking down.
All of this-
Because you went off-script?
I know...
Painter.
I've known for a long time now.
[suspenseful music]
Long enough to know the rules.
We... are protagonists.
Basically if we keep doing what we do...
we get to keep existing.
My uh...
My powers...
They basically
make everyone around me less competent.
Forces me to always save the day.
In fact...
Now that I think about it...
more than half of the destruction
in this city is probably my fault.
But... I've played along to survive.
We're not even real, Painter!
We're just...
An abstraction, an amalgamation of
thousands of different movie concepts.
Why don't we let this little
experiment of theirs break itself apart!?
What the f*ck do you
care about this shit place!?
What the f*ck else do you know?
I got stabbed today you know?
Well, it still hurt, okay?
It wasn't real...
But it still hurt.
And that got me thinking.
The... place we are in right now...
is manufactured.
That doesn't mean that it's not real.
It's the end result that matters I think.
The emotions we feel are
manufactured by our minds,
but they are still very real.
I might be a made-up character,
but I'm still just as real as you are.
Painter, those people are
really dying because of this game.
Never really...
thought of it that way.
So what do you say?
They tried very hard for us not to meet.
That means they are afraid of us.
Well, I'll tell you what...
I'm tired of running.
Do you see them?
Yeah, I do.
I guess I did forget most
of my g*ns in the car.
Okay. Uh, an important question:
Does your... power... also affect me?
Okay, do exactly as I tell you...
whatever you do...
Try to not hit them.
Got it?
[suspenseful music]
Got it.
[suspenseful music]
[suspenseful music]
What was that!?
Alright! Alright! Stop everything! Now!
Fine. You guys won. You broke it now what?
There is nowhere to
go! The movie ends here!
What do you need freedom for?
You stop existing as
soon as you exit the frame!
You are a concept, and
this is your only purpose!
You don't even know your own names!
Oh yeah?
Well I know who you are...
and that's why you're
not gonna do anything...
Bane.
How did you...
You know what? Enjoy this
purgatory you've made for yourselves.
I won't give you the
satisfaction of an ending.
Guys, pull me up.
Hold on, it's stuck.
Well, back to work.
Wait what!? You too?
They're frozen in freaking time!
Do you really wanna wait
for them to get back up?
Wow.
We... really did this.
Yup.
Do you believe him?
That we stop existing
when we leave the frame?
Looks like they are preparing
to move on without us.
[soft rock music]
What is our purpose
now? After the script ends?
I don't know.
Do we need one?
[rock music]
[rock music]
[rock music]
Best Cop Ever (2024)
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