The Cat in the Hat presents: Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat.
The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. Just sit in a house all that cold, cold, wet day.
Goodbye, kids, I'm leaving now. Have fun--I'll be back at, uh, 3:30 sharp.
Sit by the window. Just sit there and stew.
And wish there were something, something to do.
Too gooey and dunky outdoors to play ball.
Nothin' doing... nothing at all.
Fun, fun, How can you have fun Just sittin' doing nothin' when there's nothin' to be done Nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin', Absolutely nothin', nothin', Positively, absolutely, Absitivly, posolutely, Nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin', Nothin' to be done
Nothing to do but sit, sit, sit. Just sit in the house.
Just sit there and grump.
Then, all of a sudden, something went...bump!
Look!
A cat!
In a hat!
You will note, I am neat--wiped my feet on the mat.
Why must you...
Why do you sit there like that?
I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny.
I know it is damp and the sidewalks are runny, but I can't see now.
You listen here. Cat is why you'd sit there like that.
I know some good games we can play.
Listen, cat!
I know some great tricks.
Listen, cat!
Your mother won't mind if I do. I'm simply itching to show them to you... and to you.
Out of this house--I'm warning you!
Get!
Who's that? I believe we haven't yet met.
The name is Krinklebein--Karlos K. Krinklebein.
Ooh.
Please go away.
Tell that top-hatted cat he should not be about.
He should not be here when your mother is out!
My dear Mr. Krinklebein, my tricks are quite safe!
I invite you to join in the fun, if you wish, with a game that I call, "up-up-up with a fish."
Put me down! Put me down, you fool cat.
Outrageous!
Now, let me repeat, and I don't like to shout, but he should not be here when your mother is out!
It's up to you kids, whatever you say.
If you think me untrustworthy send me away.
Well, he is getting the house sort of messy and dirty... and Mother--
Yeah, Mother--back home at 3:30.
Ahh, a vote of no confidence.
I most humbly bow to the voice of the majority. Goodbye now--off to Siberia.
Ha!
Somebody stole my moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza!
Noboby's gonna leave this room until I find it!
Pardon me, sir.
You lost a moss-covered, what?
Three-handled family gradunza.
Humph!
So, that's your attitude, eh, Krinklestein?
Did you steal it?
There's a gradunza-snitcher in the house.
Things will never be the same.
How dear to my heart was that beautiful gradunza That my old feline father bequeathed to me That old family gradunza, The old, three-handled family gradunza, The old, moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza That hung on the family tree
I've been burgled--thwertled by a fish.
Aw, give him back to him, Mr. Krinklebein.
Come on now, don't be mean.
But I didn't steal his what sis.
I'm guiltness!
I'm clean!
Thwertled by a fish.
I'll never see my darling, Moss-covered, three handled family gradunza anymore
By the way, cat, just what is a family gradunza?
Oh, They come in all styles--triple G minus aught.
Is it bigger than--
Occasionally, on most occasions naught.
Is it smaller than--
They're no longer to make that kind.
But, one family gradunza is always smaller than another Should old family grandunzas be forgot and never brought to mind
Now, if i were a fish, where would I hide a moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza?
Whatever it is, it isn't here.
Whatever it is, it isn't here.
Wherever it is, it is left in some lurch.
Wherever it is, we must speed up the search.
I'll tell you this--it's not in the unabridged dictionary.
But let's find that thing and get rid of that cat!
There are more, hmm-mm, scientific methods of searching than that.
And just what kind of science does the cat recommend?
Why, the principle of calculatus eliminatus, my friend.
Calculatus, what?!
Calculatus eliminatus.
I went to Cat Tech, where I studied the same.
What other cats do you know who can make such a claim?
Very well, Dr. Calculatus, find it and eliminatus yourself.
I shall indeed.
When you've mislaid a certain something, keep your cool and don't get hot Calculatus eliminatus is the best friend that you've got Calculatus eliminatus always helps an awful lot The way to find a missing something is to find out where it's not
It isn't here.
I'll mark this "X."
It isn't there.
I'll mark that "Y."
It isn't underneath the apple.
Mark the apple "HKI."
Conrad: It isn't in this keyhole.
Sally: It isn't on my knee.
Mark the keyhole "K-300."
Mark the knee "57B."
We just jot down all the places where it isn't and gee whiz--very shortly we will locate where the missing object is
It isn't here.
842-J.
It isn't there.
F607--You can mark the piano "22 thousand decimal point 11."
It isn't in the icebox.
That's strange--
It's not on this TV.
Icebox: 0-2-4 1/2. TV: 1,000,003.
When you mislaid a certain something, keep your cool, don't go to pot Calculatus eliminatus is the best friend that you've got Calculatus eliminatus always helps an awful lot The way to find a missing something Is to find out where it's not
Look at this house!
Look at this!
Look at that!
This uncouth, barbaric, pompestuous lout!
He should not be here when their mother is out!
Very well, I'm a punk, A kratunkulous schnunk Nobody loves me, Not one tiny hunk I agree, I'm a griffulous, groffulous groo I'm a schmoosler, A schminkler and a poop-poobler too I'm a horrendous hobject which nobody loves I'm untouchable, unless you wear antiseptical gloves So what, I'm a punk, A kratunkulous schnunk Nobody loves me, Not one tiny hunk
I'm a punk!
Kratunkulos schnunk!
Shuntunkulous cat!
Incratchulos--Out! Out! Out! OUT!
Krinkle-fish, old fellow, your little fish nerves are so jumpy-wumpy.
Fishenstein, poor fellow, your little heart's going bumpy-wumpy.
Fishber, old fellow, I know what you need.
You need a small tranquilizer, you do indeed.
Poor, troubled Krinkle-fish friend, just relax, close your eyes.
Your good old Uncle Cat will now proceed to tranquilize.
Beautiful kitten-fish, sleep, baby, sleep Your eyelids are droopy, bloop, bloop, bloop, bleep, bleep The sandman on tiptoes comes creep, creep, creep, creep Hush your mouth, Shush your mouth, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep Safe in your beddy-bye, sweet dreams to you With your teddy bear steady by, bloo, bloo, bloo, bloo Beautiful kitten-fish, sleep, baby, sleep Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep
You sure relaxed Mr. K.
He needed sweet sleep in his bad-addled brains.
But the problem of finding my moss-covered, family gradunza remains. Hmm, I need help. I most truely, fruely do.
In this box are my helpmates, Thing One and Thing Two.
From this box will emerge Thing Two and Thing One, and they can find anything under the sun.
It can be done, it can be done They can do anything, anything, anything under the sun If your nerves are getting nervous and your house is topsy-turvus, They are always at your service Thing Two and Thing One
Fish, fish, there's always one, some long-faced, sore-bellied son of a g*n There's always some fish, some sore-bellied fish who's only one wish is to flatten the fun Doesn't like fun, doesn't like fun Good, clean, wholesome, innocent fun
FBI?
FBI?
Listen!
Listen,
I am a fish residing at 2322 Magnolia Boulevard and I want to report a cat in the hat.
FBI!
FBI!
Somebody please answer!
Where is everybody?
Sorry, that line is temporarily out of order.
There's always some fish who doesn't like fun Good, clean, wholesome, innocent fun They can find anything, anything under the sun This reactionary fish-faced louse. Doesn't like flyin' kites in the house They can find anything, anything under the sun Oh bobbidit, bickety, bickety bores. Kites, he thinks oughta fly outdoors Thing One and Thing Two, Thing Two and Thing One. They can find anything, anything, anything under the sun
Hello.
Thank you.
22, 37, 43, 10, 67, 21, 14, 8...hike!
There's always some fish, some crotchety one There's always some fish, some blotchety one There's always some fish, some sore-bellied fish There's always some fish, some fish If your nerves are getting nervous and your house is topsy-turvus They will both be at your service on the run They'll find my long lost, moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza, Thing Two and Thing One
Out!
Out!
Out of this house!
Out?!
Out?!
Why, every house should have a cat in it.
Curled up by the fireplace little warm--
Out!
And take those things with you--out!
Take the things?
Who ever heard of a house without things?
Th-they're not things, they're--they're--You're not a cat!
Whoever heard of a 6-foot cat?
But, I am a cat.
Technically, a cat in a hat.
You're not a cat!
That's not a hat!
You're not a cat in a hat!
You're a--
I am indeed a cat!
And this...indeed, is a hat!
In English, cat, hat, In French, chat, chapeau It really is quite obvious, don't you know In English, cat, hat, In French, chat, chapeau. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, here we go I repeat, cat, hat, In French, chat, chapeau In Spanish, el gato in a sombrero He's a cat in a hat, He's a chat in a chapeau He also is a gato in a sombrero Olé, Olé, Olé, Olé-o
Where were we?
Oh, yes!
Cat, hat, in French, chat, chapeau In Spanish, el gato in a sombrero And i'll tell you something more now, you listen to me good In German, I'm a katze und dies ist mein hut. Ist das nicht ein katze hut Ja, das ist ein katze hut Katze hut Katze hut Ja, das ist ein katze hut
Now, if you're in a receptive state of mind, I'll recapitulate.
Cat, hat, In French, chat, chapeau In Spanish, el gato in a sombrero In German, I'm a katze in a hut and don't you know I'm a gwonka in a bonkequank... in Eskimo
You're a gwonka in a bonkequank in Eskimo?
Right.
He's a gwonka in a bonkequank in Eskimo Ist das nicht ein bunka-kwunk Ya, das ist ein bunka-kwunk Gwunka-bunka Gwunka-bunka Yes indeedy, that is so He's a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo
Now, to be certain I have this straight, I'll re-recapitulate.
Cat, hat, in French, chat, chapeau
Good!
In Spanish, you're a gato in a sombrero
Hmm.
In German, you're a katze in a hut, I also know
Perfect!
You're a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo
By George, I think he's got it.
Now, if you will allow me, sir, But please don't think I'm pushing I think that I can tell you what, you are in-in-in Russian Watch
What?
Shapka, shylapah
Ha!
You're a shapka in a shylapa--Hey
I am?
Why, that's splendid.
I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa
That's enough of that--I'm a cat in a hat.
He's a cat of many countries, He's a cat of many hats He's a guffy in a busby, He's a snaka in a snatz And in Scotland, Up in Scotland, In bonnie Scotland In bonnie Scotland, I'm a [toot] in a [toot-toot-toot] In bonnie Scotland, He's a [toot] in a [toot-toot-toot] In Switzerland, in Switzerland, In Switzer-witzer-witzerland I'm a yodel-yodel-yodel in a yodel-ey-ee-hoo He's a yodel-yodel-yodel in a yodel-ey-ee-hoo
What am I dear old Ireland?
Why, you're a kait in a kinfert.
And in Holland?
You're, uh, lemme see, oh, you're a kat in a hoe.
Glory be.
He's a cat of many countries, He's a cat of many hats Many foreign countries and an awful lot of hats In Boogoo-boogoo, he's just darling He's a scoogoo in a swarling He's a bonka in a best, He's a wonka in a west Out in Paris, Foda-foda, I'm a perk in a pedora, I'm a futz in a fedora, how are things in Glocamora What a cat What a cat In a hat In a hat
Your mother!
Mother!
Mother!
Thank you for a fascinating afternoon.
What do we do now?
She's passing Mrs. Blumberg's house.
Sweep, Sweep up the memories Those old, untidy memories Broken, mixed-up memories Of what we had one day
She's passing Mrs. Thompson's house.
Sweep, Sweep out the nonsense That crazy happy nonsense This world's too old for nonsense Sweep, just sweep it all away
Here she is--coming up the driveway.
Everything in a state of grace Everything back in its proper place No more rainbows for us to chase No more games to play
Garage door's open--she's inside the garage!
Sweep, Sweep out the laughter There's no more time for laughter At least, not until after I come back now
She's taking the groceries out of the car!
You know
Here she comes!
I just may
Hi, kids--Hope you had fun today.
Well, you kids will never believe this, but I could almost swear I saw a cat!
A cat in a hat, mind you--going down the street with a moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza.
Cat in the Hat, The (1971)
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