01x29 - The Odd Man Affair

[bunniefuu]

I regret the intrusion, sir.

But we have just received
a wireless message...

a very disturbing one.

I am afraid we have to ask
you to submit to a search.

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

[expl*si*n]

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[PLANE ENGINE DRONING]

What happened?

He must have had some kind
of expl*sive device with him.

I think the man is
entitled to a partial refund.

[FILM PROJECTOR WHIRRING]

[LAUGHING]

Yes, gentlemen, you
have something to report?

We've just come
from the airfield.

Flight 604 from Paris evidently
had some difficulty en route.

Hm. I rather suspected that they would,
especially since our anonymous warning...

that a certain passenger might
be carrying an expl*sive charge.

Yes, apparently the passenger in
question had his expl*sives detonated...

while locked in the
plane's washroom.

Kind of blew him out
of the tub, so to speak.

Ha-ha-ha. Our esteemed
Monsieur Raymond...

has been noted for his ability to
disappear and reappear unexpectedly.

But this time, I think he has
disappeared for good. Ha, ha.

Very likely they'll
never recover the body.

The plane was over the
Channel when he went.

Bit of a pity, now we'll never
know what he really looked like.

The important thing is
that Raymond is gone.

When our meeting convenes tomorrow,
there will be no one to oppose me.

[SIGHS]

A signal victory, gentlemen.

We can now go forwards...

and no power on Earth
will be able to stop us.

ILLYA: Rather disappointing.

I would've expected a man like Raymond
to have been carrying a small arsenal.

Don't forget, he had to have gone
through British customs in London.

Or so he presumed
when he packed.

Aha! Oh. Look at this.
Here we go. Look at that.

Huh?

Balanced for throwing too.

And here's something else
that's balanced for throwing.

Well, a grenade camouflaged
as an electric shaver. Mm-hm.

[expl*si*n]

Hm. Hm.

His belt's plastic
expl*sive too. High quality.

It must have been something
like this in the plane.

Precisely. A real
tenor w*apon too.

One that Raymond's extremist
organization used very successfully...

in their campaign to bring
down the government of France.

I imagine the French authorities are
rather glad that Raymond is out of the way.

Well, not entirely.

You see, we know that leaders
of extremist organizations...

from other countries were anxious to join
forces with extremists of the far left.

Raymond himself was very
much opposed to such an alliance.

We believe he called a
meeting of these leaders...

to express his views.

So as long as he was opposed to
such an alliance, he was of some value...

to world stability.

Did you show
Mr. Solo the wallet?

- Wallet? What wallet?
- Slipped my mind.

When Raymond was
getting on the plane...

I took the precaution
of removing his wallet.

In other words, you
picked his pocket.

If you prefer such a bourgeois description
of an act of pure presence of mind.

I prefer.

Well, maybe this was some
sort of a contact signal...

that Raymond was
going to use in London.

And could very well lead us to
the meeting of fanatic leaders.

If we have someone to
impersonate Raymond.

Someone to impersonate him?
Well, uh, it shouldn't be too difficult.

As I recall, rumors said that he
never had the same face twice.

The man had a thousand disguises.
No one knows what he really looked like.

ILLYA: Are you, uh.
Volunteering for the assignment?

I don't know. Am I?

Before anyone volunteers...

I want to make certain that
there's some chance of success.

Let's see. I'm trying to recall.

There ought to be someone at
headquarters with w*r experience...

that might be helpful to us.

Well, it's late now. The Filing
Section would have gone home.

Hm.

Get me the home address of
Mr. Sully of the Inactive Files Section.

That's it. Come on, go ahead,
come on. Get it. That's it, come on.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Ah. Hold it. Just a minute,
please. Hold it. Coming.

[SIGHS]

Coming.

- Hello.
- Hello, Albert.

SULLY: Mr. Waverly. Hello, how are you?
- I'm sorry. Are we disturbing you?

- No, no, not at all. Come on in.
- Did we catch you at dinner?

No, I was just preparing
a light supper, that's all.

If you haven't eaten, I'd be
happy to make poached eggs.

- No, please, don't bother. No.
- You sure?

I... I wanted you to meet
these two young men...

Mr. Solo and Mr. Kuryakin.

- How do you do?
- This is Mr. Albert Sully, gentlemen.

Nice to meet... Excuse
me, water's boiling.

SOLO: If you don't mind conversation with
dinner there's something you might tell us.

No, not at all. Listen, I'm
sorry... Let me have those.

I'm sorry about
how the place looks.

When you're living alone, there's no
need to live gracefully, like they say.

You're sure I can't make
you a couple of eggs?

None for me. Mr. Waverly tells
me you used to be with the OSS.

- Is that right?
- Yes, that's right.

That's right, that was kind of a
high watermark in my career...

you might say.

Mr. Waverly, won't you sit down,
please? Make yourself comfortable.

Yes, I was in France for a
year just before the Allies landed.

During that time, did
you ever make contact...

with a man who was
known as Raymond?

Raymond? I'll say, yes.

He was the top assassin of a
resistance group in the south of France.

We were all enthusiastic
young butchers in those days...

but, uh, you know, there was
something very special about him.

He had authentic blood lust.

Yes, we all know
that much about him.

But we have to know
more. Much more.

It seems he was permanently
addicted to underground warfare...

during those years.

Yes, that's right.

Well, what is it you wanna
know about Raymond?

His personal habits,
idiosyncrasies, mannerisms...

Everything you knew about him.

Really? I see.

It sounds as if, uh, one of your men
is gonna try to impersonate Raymond.

Well, that's the idea, Albert.

So you can see why it
is, we need your help.

Yes. Yes, I do see.

I won't help you.

- What?
- I said I won't help you.

I'll do it for you.

- You?
- Yes.

- You impersonate Raymond?
- 01 course, why not?

I'm afraid that's not possible.

I mean, you haven't been in
any active fieldwork for years.

And for good reason.

After all, you did boggle
that last assignment.

Yes, but I wouldn't boggle
this one. These two will.

See, in the first place, they're too
young to impersonate Raymond.

That's only one part of it.
Now, I've lived with this man.

There's a lot of things about
him that I couldn't begin tell you.

But I could do
them instinctively.

You know, uh, Albert...

this somewhat smacks of
blackmail, you know that?

[CHUCKLES]

Yes, it does, doesn't it?

If I agree to this, these two young
men will have to accompany you.

- They'll be in charge of the operation.
- Certainly, no argument about that.

I suppose there's no other way.

How soon could you be
ready to leave for London?

Let's see, now. Raymond. Hm.

Well, I'll need a
moustache, yes.

And a little more hair.

Well, now.

What kind of gimcrackery
do you call that?

It's a new miniature homing device.
Issued by our Double K Section.

Homes in on pins up
to a, uh, 50-mile radius.

Fifty miles, imagine that. Hm.

Is that why they paged you at
the airport? To give you that?

That's right, that's right.

Mr. Waverly sent it
over by a special courier.

I'm sorry I had to put you through
the chore of checking the luggage...

but I had to make sure I
made contact with the courier.

Oh, that's all right.

You know. after so many
years in the Filing Section...

well, I'm not too proud
to do menial jobs.

Ahem. Don't play Uriah Heep,
Sully. It really doesn't become you.

[CHUCKLES]

You're right.

[FRENCH ACCENT] The part of
Raymond is much better for me.

And that is the name,
Raymond. Remember.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-I see you've kept up with your languages.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yes.

That's a difficult book,
let alone in French.

Well, reading or writing
in French isn't too difficult.

Good.

Yeah, it's the thinking in French
that's... That's when it really gets hard.

Oh, right, is that it? That's
the way Raymond thinks?

You don't expect me
to answer that, do you?

Not really, no.

Oh, uh, incidentally, we've never
really defined the points of the escape.

Don't you think we ought
to get to that right now?

Go ahead, you're in charge.
What do you suggest?

In straight lines, we go from
airport to the hotel and check in.

Then we go to Hyde Park and
seek out the speakers' section.

Oh. Yes, of course, the...

The button for the Hyde
Park Debating Society.

That's right, the little button.

Now, you put the button in your lapel
and you just sort of mosey around...

until you find
another little button.

I see. What happens then?

Well, we'll just improvise
from there on in.

There you are. Wait a minute.

Say, would you mind going
back to the hotel by yourselves?

I'll catch up with you,
I've got to find a tailor...

to fit in a few little details
about Raymond's wardrobe.

- I couldn't find it in New York.
- Well, that's no problem.

I'll, uh, go along with you.
No rush to get to the hotel.

[CHUCKLES]

- You really don't trust me, do you?
- Ah, not a whole lot, no.

Oh!

Clumsy me. Don't break up
the game. I'll get the homing pins.

It's quite amiss.

Ahh. Ooh...

It looks like a tough
fellow. Here, let me...

You know that well.

All right, I think we
just... We can make the...

Ooh. Watch your
fingers. Okay, okay.

- Looks like my game.
- So it would seem.

[YAWNING]

I think I'm gonna get
a little rest. Good night.

Why'd you put a pin in his cuff?

Oh. The better to
find him with, my dear.

[CHUCKLES]

Good night.

SULLY: Pussycat, pussycat
Where have you been?

I've been to London
To see the queen.

INSPECTOR:
Have a good trip, sir.

- May I have your passport?
- Yes, sir.

And would you read this card and tell
me if you have anything listed to declare?

SULLY: Let's see, no more
than a fifth of liquor or wine...

a half a pint of perfume,
reasonable amount of raw film, cigars.

- No, nothing to declare.
- Thank you very much, sir.

May I have your
passport? Read this card.

Let me know if you
have anything to declare.

SOLO: That's not necessary.
I have nothing to declare.

Would you mind
opening your suitcase?

[BOTTLES CLINK]

I have a hunch someone
packed a peck of pickled peppers...

in our bag.

Were you with our friend when
he checked the bags in New York?

ILLYA: No, I went to the washroom.
He was alone with the luggage.

SOLO: Mm-hm.

[SOLO SIGHS]

Well, well, well. Does
Mr. Waverly know about this?

The card says you're only allowed to bring
one-fifth of spirits into the country.

Do you have anything
to declare, sir?

Thank you, but let's find out
together. Where's the office?

Well, I think I'll go see the
tailor. I'll see you back at the hotel.

- Thanks a lot, old man.
- Oh. You're very welcome.

It's like playing the game
of Pin the Tail to the Donkey.

Donkeys.

INSPECTOR: The office
is this way, gentlemen.

I'd like to thank you,
gentlemen, for your cooperation.

And I hope you enjoy your
stay in the United Kingdom.

- We'll try, thank you.
- Achoo!

-God bless you.
ILLYA: Thank you.

You're welcome.

Well, that little delay
has cost us 15 minutes.

We're going to be spending our
time looking all over London for Sully.

Let's try your homing
device first, shall we?

No, try it.

We don't want this homing pin...

to interfere with the
signals from the other pin.

The other pin?

Ah. He missed it.

Uh, may I play this
little game also?

I thought your idea of the
homing pin to be a good idea.

I placed a second pin in the band of
his hat, along with a microphone disk...

so that we can not only
find our friend Mr. Sully...

but we can also listen to him.

Well, you are a sly Russian.

Someday, when you grow up...

you should make someone
a marvelous secret agent.

Very funny. Ah.
He's still in the cab.

[HORNS HONK OVER RADIO]

In traffic.

Nine-seven degrees west.

Taxi stand.

[ENGLISH ACCENT] Uh,
Half-and-Half, and a fish and chips.

Put them on that table
right over there. Thank you.

[CHUCKLING]

[IN NORMAL ACCENT] Hello.

Hello, Bryn, hello.

How are you?

- Good to see you. Hello.
- I don't think I shall say hello.

After all, you
never said goodbye.

I would never say goodbye to
you unless I was absolutely sure...

that you were never
gonna see me again.

Bert.

You look... You look older.

Well, uh, I'm getting a
little help here, you see.

But you know you don't?

Twenty years have made
you look nothing but lovelier.

You don't sound
older, thank goodness.

But there have been
changes, my sweet assassin.

Really? How?

- Well, there was a husband who died.
- I'm sorry.

- Two children.
- Really? How old are they?

They're in school. And I have
a job in an accounting firm.

You? You doing accounting?

- Why not?
- I don't believe...

But you're the most
intrepid courier that the...

That S-Two ever sent
out to occupied France.

- Was.
- Was, I see. You're still...

Thank you.

Ah.

There they are.

There are those of us,
Bert. Who have had our wars.

And we're glad to be out
of them alive. But you...

No, not you. You still
have that old death wish.

Oh, well, Bryn. I'm...

You know, I'm like a w*apon.

- I get rusty and pitted it I'm not used.
- But I'm not like that.

When I got your telegram
asking me to meet you here...

in the old surroundings,
I wondered:

“Is he going to ask
me to the ball again?“

Well, gentlemen don't like to
dance alone, not this time, anyway.

- No, Ben. No.
- Oh.

- I've been out of it for 20 years.
- Bryn, no, this is very special.

You're the only one who can give
me the kind of information that I need.

What information?

Do you remember a
man named Raymond?

Raymond? Oh. I
remember him too well.

I spent a lot of time picking
up and delivering at his section.

I know we had to used him then,
but that didn't mean I had to like him.

That nasty, sick, twisted mind.

Ooh.

I'll never forget him.

Good, good.

Now, I want to know everything
you know about Raymond.

You see, I have to try
to pass as Raymond.

SULLY: And! don't know the
first blasted thing about him.

[SULLY CHUCKLING]

Oh, no.

[SULLY CHUCKLING]

Ben, are these the bogeys?

No. No, these
are the friendlies.

- I'm very friendly at the moment, Sully.
- Say, you two are really good.

How did you ever find me?

I left you at the...

Oh, you're naughty.

They double-ganged me.

- Ben, who are these men?
- My deal, this is Napoleon Solo.

This is Illya Kuryakin. Miss Bryn
Watson. They're making the party with me.

Wrong. We're making
the party without you.

Oh, really? You think
you can manage?

SOLO: Any one of us could've
slipped under the skin of Raymond...

with an equal lack of knowledge.

I'm certain Miss Watson here could
brief us on any background we may need.

Yes, I suppose you're right.
Bryn could, but she won't.

Stan.

Look, before I get
stuck with the bill...

will one of you gentlemen please
tell me what all this is about?

Look, Bryn, there's a meeting of
some dangerous extremist groups...

about to take place.

They're trying to form
an international alliance...

that could mean intense
danger for the world.

Now, we can't let this happen.

And we won't, not if
you work with me, Bryn.

Ben, I'm not up to it.

You don't have to be. You
can stay safely at home.

Just tell me all you know.

That is absolutely stupid.

Why, anything can pop out of the
box between now and that meeting.

Someone's got to
go along who knows...

Bryn, come with me. People
like you and me, we don't lose it.

It's... It's inside.

We don't need these
toys. This is for kids.

Once more, for old times'
sake. One more dance.

You always were an assassin.

It's like he says.

We dance well together.
I'm sorry, Mr. Solo.

Well, it's no surprise to me.

All right, you carry the ball. But
just remember, you do as I say.

- Of course. You're in charge of the show.
- Well, thank you very much.

Thank you.

Don't thank me. I just can't
resist a wedding or a funeral.

MAN: And I tell you,
ladies and gentlemen...

that you've got to listen to
every word that I tell you...

because the message that I bring
you comes straight from my heart.

- And I want it to penetrate straight...
- The man on the stand calls himself Wye.

He's always done the dirty
work of a very nasty type...

who goes by the name Zed.

- Zed.
- Mm-hm.

WYE: to the
words that I tell you.

Why, then and only then will
devastation come upon you...

because I haven't been talking
here for months and months...

like some of these.

I'm fresh and new,
and my ideas are fresh.

Look at you, standing
there, listening to me...

nodding your heads,
agreeing with everything I say.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Yes? Zed here.
- It's Raymond. He's here at the park.

- Are you certain?
- Yes, of course I'm certain.

He's wearing a blue button.

Raymond was the only
one we sent a blue button.

Ugh. The man's like a ruddy cat.

Very well, deprive him
of one of his many lives.

And this one had
better be the last.

WYE: All I ask you, friends.
Take your hearts away...

from the thoughts of
the flesh and the devil...

and give yourselves to the
ennobling feelings of peace...

humanity, self-denial
and discipline.

And where will you be
57 minutes from now?

Some foul Soho strip club...

the Keyhole or
something like it.

And, friends, ask yourselves every
day, every day when you get up:

“Can I help? Can I do
anything to make life better?

Am I pure of vice?“

WYE: And, friends. When
the answer comes back:

“Yes, I can do
this. Yes, I can“...

then and only then...

will you know the pure, ennobling
pleasures of this discipline...

and this self-denial.

But if you don't
do this, friends...

then there is no hope for you, then
civilization as we know it will end...

and peace will not
reign among us.

And so I say to you:

In your hearts, clean
out all these infections

that are within you
and k*lling you...

and only live with a pure,
clean life of civilization.

And then you will appreciate
the true feelings of peace.

Peace, everybody, and
self-denial. That's the ticket.

[SOLO AND ILLYA
SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Right, ladies and
gentlemen, the meeting's over.

Thank you very much.

[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Whoa!

[SOLO SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Who were those people, Ecks?

Are you feeling poorly?

SULLY: You handled
that beautifully in the park.

Why don't you take
the rest of the day off?

SOLO: Sony. Whither thou guest,
you know? Et cetera, et cetera.

Let's get on the bus.

-Have you got change? BRYN:
I knew I'd get stuck with the bill.

[BRYN GASPS]

BRYN: You doll, give
that back. WYE: Faster.

BRYN: Get away.

[GRUNTING]

Stop the bus.

SULLY: How bad is it? We
better get you to the hospital.

No, there's no time.

We've gotta get to that Soho nightclub
in less than an hour, remember?

- Go on, get a cab.
- Get this man to a hospital.

Break regulations if you
must, but get him there, quickly.

Are you sure you're all right?

Yeah, the only regret I have is that
I won't be able to see the floorshow.

ILLYA: Taxi.

ILLYA: Remarkable the
number of people that

find it necessary to
protect their eyes...

in such a dimly lit room.

A lot of these
people look familiar.

Let's see.

There's the man... Behind
the brown suit over there, Ben.

That's Botchak, the
Pol... Bert, your hair.

- What about it?
- It's in your hat.

Leave it.

The, um...

The woman behind
you at the next table, I...

She's trying to signal
me out. Do you know her?

She's a complete stranger.

But she's looking at you
as if you're no stranger.

Maybe it's one of
Raymond's friends.

He reputedly had a
certain masochistic charm...

for some women.

Um...

She keeps giving me the eye.
What do we do if she comes over?

I don't know.

I am going to see
him. I will be back.

But we'll soon find out.

Oh. k*ll me. Can you tell
me something about him?

- He was always rough with his women.
- Rough with the women.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[FRENCH ACCENT]
Please, please, speak English.

I can't abide that
Flemish patois.

Oh. You always
were a purist, sweet.

You will introduce
me to your friends, no?

SULLY: No. You can
introduce yourself, if you must.

- I am the Baroness de Fracasser.
- Must we invent names?

Oh. You are light, sweet.
How entirely unnecessary.

Oh.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Oh, that is the best
makeup job yet.

Do you know I can't even
remember what you really look like?

Just as well.

They will begin soon
now that you are here.

I started to think that
you weren't coming.

For a while, I thought
that I wasn't coming myself.

There have been three
attempts at my life...

and the last one was
on the plane from Paris.

Baroness, you can help us.

I believe there is a
traitor in our organization.

Oh, but no, of course. I will
report whatever I can learn.

Not bad for one so
long from the wars.

Well, this is only a skirmish.
We have the whole w*r to win yet.

And we've already
had the scalping.

Exciting, isn't it?

[DRUM PLAYING EXOTIC BEAT]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD APPLAUDING, WHISTLING]

[CROWD LAUGHING]

[CROWD APPLAUDING, WHISTLING]

What's she doing with her hands?

It look likes the language that
deaf and dumb people use...

except I can't make it out.

It's something Raymond
worked out during the w*r.

Just a minute, I
think I'm reading her.

“Go... immediately.

380...

Grover's Inn Road.“

That part I can read.

It means “hurry.“

[CROWD CHEERING]

See you very soon, Marcel.

Ben, no. Raymond didn't
smoke. He's allergic to tobacco.

We must warn the others.
That is not Raymond.

Just one minute, please.

You swine. I told you to
stay away from my wife.

[BARONESS SCREAMS]

As for you...

- Have you no regard for our children?
- Let me go. Let go of me.

Well, he's only got
one pair of hands.

And you'd better
not get involved.

Here goes.

Hang on a minute.
You're not going anywhere.

Oh!

No, give that back. My dress.

[BARONESS YELLING]

What have you
done? How dare you?

You leave me alone, you.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

What are you doing?

I've arranged with the police to
hold the baroness till after the meeting.

I hope you've discarded
those cigarettes.

I'm sorry about that. It
simply won't happen again.

We'd best be on our
way to Glover's Inn Road.

She said hurry. And
please put your hair on.

Come on.

Sony, dame. There's no
point discussing it any further.

Ben, won't you ever listen?

I'm sorry, old girl, but
this is as far as you go.

But you don't know enough about
Raymond. You'll get yourself k*lled.

Ha, ha. Bye, love.

Thanks for dropping
me 0”. See you later.

- Wait, please.
- We can't linger around here.

Look, unless you're prepared to sit
on me, I'm going in there after him.

Wait for us, an
hour should do...

one way or the other.

Are we late?

What a lovely way
to welcome guests.

[FRENCH ACCENT] Oh, gently,
gently, please. These people are with me.

What with the difficulties I've
experienced after leaving France...

I found it most comforting to
indulge myself with a bodyguard.

ZED: A bodyguard,
Monsieur Raymond?

You feel the need of a bodyguard
here, among your friends and associates?

- Especially here, Mr. Zed.
- Thank you.

- Mm-hm.
- Ah, Mr. Zed.

Yes, someone was
trying to destroy me...

someone who had a surprising
amount of information...

about my itinerary.

To put it bluntly, a traitor.

[ZED LAUGHS]

That face. Marcel Raymond,
always with a new face.

It is very disconcerting.

Tell me, why didn't you meet
me this morning at my hotel...

as we had planned?

Well, after what happened
on the plane from Paris...

I knew that I had been betrayed.

I decided then and
there to trust no one.

Oh, yes, the plane.

We heard that there'd
been an expl*si*n aboard...

and that you were
blown out in mid-flight.

How could anyone
survive such an experience?

The cat always lands on his
feel, my friend, didn't you know?

Still, we mustn't take
chances, must we?

You yourself have hinted at
possible enemies within our ranks.

We have yet to
check your credentials.

[SULLY CHUCKLES]

Of course.

Thank you.

Hm. Yes, it looks like the
button we sent to Raymond.

[ZED SIGHS]

Everything satisfactory?

- Glad to have you aboard.
- Thank you.

Now that your suspicions
have been satisfied...

may I indulge mine?

Will you tell your bodyguard
to release my bodyguard?

Release his bodyguard.

My p*stol?

While you are a guest in
my house? Certainly not.

The meeting will commence
directly on my return, gentlemen.

[LAUGHS]

I think he switched buttons.
You'd better take a look.

[WHISPERS] Not now.
We've got company.

- You are a most selfish man, Marcel.
- Really, why?

Bringing such a
charming woman here...

and not even introducing her to
your... One of your oldest friends.

Oh, I am so sorry. How
stupid of me, of course.

May I present Miss Watson"?

No, introduction is
needed, Mynheer Hollander.

- Hollander.
- It's been 20 years since we met...

but I used to deliver
parcels to you in Amsterdam.

- You remember?
- But of course.

The beautiful
young British courier.

Yes, of course, I
remember very well.

Now, you would show up
with... With Marcel, of course.

- Let me see the button.
- Hm?

Yes, of course. Oh, you
must tell me all about it.

Yes.

- Ha, ha.
- Yes, the entire back is filled...

with the most volatile of
all the plastic expl*sives.

All this requires is the signal from
a miniaturized radio transmitter...

to detonate it.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

It's impossible. There's no more
than an ounce of powder there.

- Is that enough to k*ll anyone?
- Where you were carrying it?

Without question. You'd
better let me get rid of it for you.

No, that" It'll be all
right. I'll take care of it.

I think what you should do...

is to get a hold of Bryn and
see if you can get her out of here.

It's too late for that now.

- She won't go anywhere without you.
- Oh, is that right? Well, that's a...

- Ah. We commence again.
- Yes.

I'm sorry, old boy...

but naturally your man
here, and the woman...

must be excluded
from the meeting.

- Well, naturally.
- And no listening at keyholes.

The guards have been instructed to
severely discourage such indiscretions.

You'll come look for me
afterwards, won't you?

Only if it suits me, I...

[WHISPERING] Hollander, the Dutchman,
and the German, his name's Becker.

They're with you. Johansson,
the Swede, is backing Zed.

But O'Hanlon, the Irishman,
he's not backing anybody.

They're important. The others
follow whichever way the wind blows.

[RAISES VOICE] You know how I feel
about you, yet you keep treating me as din.

You're beginning to have me, chérie.
It's not very good at all when you have me.

Mr. Zed. Mr. Zed, I want...

Well, you must give me
the name of your tailor.

That is an absolute
wonderful cut.

Mr. Zed. Even though
we are at odds tonight...

I want you to know that I have
considerable respect for you.

You are not going to
underestimate me in there, is that it?

Well, precisely. Shall we?

Psst!

I'd better look
around for a fast exit.

- We may need one.
- All right.

Let us not dally. We all
know why we are here.

Although it sickens me to think that
a member of our own organization...

could suggest what
we have to discuss.

Our friend from
across the Channel...

seems to exhibit the
usual Gallic lack of realism.

We can afford to insist on
perfection in the little things of life.

But when it comes to
overthrowing governments...

allies must be chosen
with less delicate tastes.

My friends...

do you know where this talk
of allies is intended to lead you?

Do you know what
alliance he is talking about?

He wants us to join ranks
with our mortal enemies...

the minions of the left.

Hello, ducky. Fancy
meeting you here.

That's right, run.

Won't do you any good, you know.

And yell. Yell if you want
to. Yell your ruddy head off.

That library's soundproofed.

Oh, Mr. Wye again,
still spouting gibberish.

Keep away, you'll
get yourself hurt.

Yeah, you're a real
prize, you are, lovey.

And I do owe you something
for that little love tap on the bus...

and for ruining my show.

You won't be such a prize
when I'm done with you.

Run!

- Ow!
- Victory first.

Then we can purge the
undesirables from our midst.

- Hear, hear.
- I tell you this.

If we do not succeed in
overthrowing established government...

Once and for all, I say
no. I say no to the alliance.

I say no to the mongrelization
of our sacred organization.

[GROANING]

[GRUNTS]

[ALL MURMURING]

[WOMAN SHOUTS]

There is only one
way to talk to you, sir.

That for your friends outside...

and this little
surprise for you.

Zed! Zed!

The traitor in our group
has betrayed himself.

I will not honor his
proposal by calling for a vote.

I declare the matter of
an alliance with the left...

a dead issue.

Sully, if you stay on with
the role of Raymond...

you will be committing su1c1de.

Don't look back, walk naturally.

The battle has been won. It's
now time to return to Inactive Files.

-No, not quite yet. BRYN:
Bert, don't you understand?

Now, come on. Get into the car.

You see, if I stay
on as Raymond...

I can give them orders
that will drop t*rror1st units...

into the lap of
U.N.C.L.E. piece by piece.

Illya, we have only won a battle. We
have a chance to win the whole w*r.

But how long do you think it'll
be before they catch up with you?

Let's find out.

Bert, at least let me come along
with you for the first few weeks.

I'll help you over
the roughest patches.

Thanks, old girl, but
I've got to do this alone.

But don't worry. It
still isn't goodbye.

I hope. Take care.

Hello.

Oh. Hello, friendlies.

I thought you'd both be
back in the States by now.

We're taking a plane in an hour.

You might like to know
that our French circuits...

have indicated that
he's getting away with it.

Well.

Bully for him.

Mm.

Men like Sully are only really
alive when death is very near...

and waiting right
at their elbow.

Lite is only tolerable for
him it he's on the tightrope.

Oh, yes. I know all
about those men...

perhaps more than
you do, my friends.

So I can tell you
something about yourselves.

You're both from the same club.

And I can tell you
something else.

You're mad. You, Ben
and all the others like you.

Quite, quite mad.

So anyone for darts?

I'm easy to beat today.

Darts, old fellow?

No, I'm not that mad.