Beautiful Creatures (2000)

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Beautiful Creatures (2000)

Post by bunniefuu »

TONY:

I love you, Dorothy.

DOROTHY:

I know you do, Tony.

You're a totally

gorgeous creature.

(CHUCKLING)

I love you as well.

You know I do.

Can I get a kiss?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(KISSING)

You haven't seen

my new golf clubs

anywhere, have you?

What golf clubs?

I came home

with them.

New golf clubs in

a leather golf bag.

I never knew you

could play golf.

I'm a mysterious

kind of guy.

Dead mysterious.

So, have you

seen them?

Seen what?

My new golf clubs.

When did you learn

to play?

Earlier this year.

Will you teach me?

Not without a set

of clubs.

I would've seen them.

Of course.

That's why I'm


telling you

that when I went

to get them,

they were gone.

That's so like you,

losing a set

of golf clubs.

That's not like me at all.

I haven't lost them.

I think


maybe you have.

I've no interest

in golf whatsoever.

You wanted to

learn a minute ago.

(LAUGHING) Yeah,

but I was kidding.

I was joking with you.

You mean you've


been lying to me?

So are you lying

to me now?

I have no idea.

None? So you

wouldn't have moved

the golf clubs?

Or sold

the golf clubs?


I haven't.

Or pawned them

for cash?

I've pawned nothing!

That would be

just like you.

Leave me alone!

I've no idea

where they are


or where they went.

Dorothy,

I need my golf clubs!

You can't play golf!

If you've moved them,

tell me.

I left them in

the living room.

You're saying you're

going to Amsterdam

to play golf?

I don't even think

Amsterdam has golf.

What do you know

about Amsterdam?

What, in God's name,

do you know about golf?

Listen, you!

I know I left

a bag of clubs

in the living room

and they weren't there

when I went to get them.

Now I want to know

where the f*ck...

If you left a bag

of clubs in the flat,

then they're in the flat.

You're lying!

Shit!

Stop!

Here, that's enough

of that!

(GRUNTS)

I'm going to tear

that flat apart

and see if

my golf clubs

aren't there.

I swear to God

I'm going to

drink your blood.

I'm sorry.

Must be the golf.

It's driven him mad.

I'm awful sorry

about that.

Sorry.

Pluto, my boy.

Come and see

your daddy.

Tony?

(WATER BOILING)

Tony?

Pluto?

(PLUTO WHIMPERING)

Pluto!

(OVER WALKMAN)

* When marimba rhythms

start to play

(SINGING ALONG)

* Dance with me

* Make me sway

* Like a lazy ocean

hugs the shore

* Hold me close

* Sway me more

* Like a flower bending

in the breeze

* Bend with me

* Sway with ease

* When we dance

you have a way with me...

It's the middle of

the f*cking night!

Not in Cairo, it isn't.

Not in Hong Kong, it isn't.

You think they care

it's the middle

of the night here?

I've got personal things

to attend to.

PETULA: (SINGING ALONG)

* Dear, but my eyes

will see only you

* Only you have

the magic technique

* When we sway

I go weak

(PETULA SCATTING)

* I can hear

the sound of violins

* Long before

it begins... *

Get in the car!

Get in the f*cking car!

(WALKMAN CONTINUES PLAYING)

DOROTHY:

You and me will start

a new life this time.

No more dealers

or junkies or maniacs.

We'll be long gone

before he gets back.

(WHIMPERS)

Don't be scared,

big boy.

Oh.

I don't think this

is going to come out.

Thank God.

You rotten,

shitty bastard, Tony.

Somebody smells nice.

Don't look at me.

It's the dog.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Bloody lunatics.

(BARKING)

An ounce of rolling tobacco

and a packet of Maltesers.

Excuse me.

When you have a second.

You shouldn't

read that shite

'cause it badly

exploits women.

£4.29, please.

He's taken my money.

(SIGHS)

Can I owe you?

You mean,

can you exploit me?

I'll send it to you

in the post.

Not allowed

to give credit.

I need a smoke.

I'm on the run

from a maniac.

So's my dog.

That's not

a very healthy color,

right enough.

Go on. I'll sub you.

Go on.

(PLUTO BARKING)

Shut up, Pluto.

(GRUNTS)

Give me 10 seconds

to catch my dog.

Pluto!

f*cking disappear!

(GROANS)

You are going nowhere!

Leave her alone!

(BARKING)

(GROANS)

You f*cking b*tches!

Get the f*ck,

you f*cking b*tches!

No!

Come here.

(GROANING)

You're an evil,

lying b*tch!

Stop it.

You're mine.

PETULA: Brian, stop it!

(PETULA SCREAMING)

BRIAN: Right,

you're going nowhere!

(MUMBLING)

Do you hear me?

I'm going to

f*cking k*ll you!

(SCREAMING)

(COUGHING)

(GASPING FOR BREATH)

I'll be all right

in a minute.

Get my breath back.

You just get sick of

listening to all that

"I'm going to

f*cking k*ll you" stuff.

Right, I'll help you

get him in the car.

What for?

So you can

drive him home,

call the police.

I can't drive.

And I'm not

calling the police.

He's my boyfriend.

(WHIMPERS)

PETULA: I want you gone

as soon as he wakes up.

(WOMEN PANTING)

DOROTHY: If I was you,

I'd dump him here.

I can't dump him here.

I'd lose my home

and my job,

and everything.

How?

'Cause I work for

his big brother.

f*ck, he's heavy,

isn't he?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

PETULA: I think

Brian's going to

be sick again.

DOROTHY: To the left.

Quick.

(BRIAN RETCHING)

(DOROTHY EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

PETULA: Shit.

Let's put him in the bath

in case he throws up

over anything else.

PETULA:

I've never seen a pink

and white dog before.

He's half part pedigree,

half part acrylic.

Really?

I've never heard

of them.

Do you know of anything

I could use as a roach?

Don't make yourself

too comfy.

I didn't invite you back

for a party.

I'm sorry.

I'm just a little shaky.

It would help calm me down.

Have a scrounge

in my rucksack.

There's bound

to be something.

Fancy a cup of tea?

Yeah.

Here.

I'm Petula,

by the way.

Nice grass.

You missed your bus.

Petula?

(LAUGHS)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SOBBING)

Are you okay?

It's okay.

It's just the cold.

It's only when

we have too much

to drink.

A bit silly.

It was my own fault

tonight

'cause he caught me

going through his desk.

I was looking

for my passport.

I wanted to

visit my mum.

She's moved

to Majorca.

Why does he

keep your passport?

Why?

'Cause he loves me.

What do you think?

I had it

like that once.

Do you think

Brian will like it?

Go on.

Trust me.

It'll really suit you.

Nice surprise

when he wakes up.

(GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERING)

BRIAN: Petula!

(BARKING)

(THUD)

Is he okay?

Brian?

Brian?

Are you okay?

Brian, say something.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

What is the matter

with him?

Is he German?

Brian, stop it!

(PLUTO BARKS)

Shut up, Pluto.

Brian?

Brian?

Brian, I'm sorry.

Is he kidding?

Brian, please.

I'm sorry.

Just slap his face

gently.

Come on now.

I'm really sorry.

Just give his face

a gentle slap.

Don't be angry.

That's what you do

to wake them up.

He's dead.

(SOBBING) He's dead!

Brian's dead.

Get out of my road!

Oh, dear God!

Get out of my road!

DOROTHY: Dear God.

(SOBBING)

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

DOROTHY: Will the police

be able to tell

I bashed his head in

with scaffolding?

'Cause I didn't

mean to k*ll him.

I know.

I was trying to

stop him k*lling you.

I know.

You wouldn't have

lasted another minute

the way he was choking you

and whacking your head.

Petula...

I'll have to spend

years of my life

in a jail cell

all by myself.

I mean,

that's not fair.

I was only trying

to help.

I don't even

know the guy.

I was only trying

to help.

What if we make

an anonymous phone call

and then disappear?

We can't because

I haven't got a phone.

If we don't say

who we are.

But I haven't

got a phone.

I know,

but they won't be able

to trace the call.

I haven't got a phone.

We don't have a phone.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

You have to

go to work.

I helped you,

so you have to help me.

Now, before you're late.

As though everything

is hunky-dory.

(RINGING TONE)

(GRUNTING)

Petula, wait.

You can't go yet.

Take off your coat.

Phone me

on Brian's phone.

Two rings,

then hang up.

Then ring again

immediately so

I know it's you.

Thanks for coming

to help me

last night.

Listen. You have to

give me some money.

Oh. Right.

Yeah, of course.

How much do you

normally charge?

DOROTHY: What?

No, not for

the haircut.

I want to get

Tony's golf clubs

out the pawn shop.

If he comes back,

I'll send him packing

so he won't turn

the place upside down

and stumble across

your dead boyfriend.

RONNIE: Where's Brian?

Where is Brian?

He is...

I don't actually

know where he is.

Morning.

Your Brian back

on the drink again?

(CHUCKLES)

Then let's just

pray His Lordship's met

with a particularly

horrible accident.

(PHONE RINGING)

RONNIE OVER PHONE:

Petula!

Yes, Mr. McMinn.

I see.

Uh-huh.

Right. Yes, I'll start

with Eastern General.

The police have found

Brian's car abandoned.

Mr. McMinn wants me

to phone the hospitals.

I am so sorry.

That's all right, Sheena.

He'll be just lying

in a heap somewhere.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Dorothy, they found

the car abandoned

and there's

a policeman coming

to see me

in the morning

if Brian doesn't show.

Petula, do you know

Northcraigs Beach?

Mmm-hmm.

I will meet you at

the coffee stall at 6:30.

Well?

The hospital people

have no idea

about anything to do

with Brian, Mr. McMinn.

No, that's terrific.

We were just curious

if you knew whether

he'd had an accident

or something, or died.

We've had

no admissions

of that name

or fitting

that description.

Oh, good.

Goodbye then,

and thank you

for being so helpful

and informative.

They have not

had any admissions

fitting that name

or that description.

Was he with you

last night?

Early on, he was.

Then, later on,

he wasn't.

MAN: Now, this is called

a decapod crustacean.

That's a lobster.

Nature uses them to

clean dead bodies.

Them and shrimps get

all the drowned flesh

off the bones.

What was the name

of that fish

I showed you?

A halibut.

That's right.

Fishermen like halibut

because of their shapes.

Fishermen like

to make them

their girlfriends

even though

their body temperature

is much lower than

a proper girlfriend.

Usually, that is.

WOMAN: Sandy.

Sandy, come here.

Come away.

I brought you

some clothes.

I bought you a coffee.

Your stuff's

covered in paint.

What?

Oh, lovely. Thanks.

Thanks.

We've got

to shift him.

Where?

Somewhere it'll look okay

that nobody found

him straight away.

Somewhere

he might have gone

without taking you

where he could fall,

bang his head

and die

without us doing it.

His boat.

He's got a boat?

It's his secret

hideaway.

It's where he goes

if he wants to hide

from his big brother.

We could drop

him down the hatch,

and it would

look like he fell.

Traditionally, they are

very dangerous things,

hatches.

How do we get him

to the boat?

In a car.

You told me you

couldn't drive.

I can't. Brian was

giving me lessons.

At least he was

screaming at me

and punching me

in an old Saab.

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

WOMAN: (MOANING)

Take me! Take me!

Take me in mine arse!

(MOANING) Yeah!

(WOMAN CONTINUES MOANING)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(BOTH MOANING)

WOMAN: Take me!

Pluto, teatime.

Come on.

What have you got?

Hmm?

Give it to me.

Pluto, give.

(SCREAMING)

f*ck!

Oh, my God.

That is very,

very, very bad.

(RINGING)

PETULA OVER PHONE:

Brian?

Is that you?

It's me.

I know. I didn't

really think it was him.

I thought you might be

somebody checking.

I just...

I just wanted to

see if you were

all right, you know,

and I wanted to

say thank you

for everything.

Don't be silly.

You're welcome.

Go to sleep.

Night-night.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bugs bite.

(CHUCKLES)

You, too.

Sleep tight.

"Don't let the bugs bite."

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hi, Miss Peploe.

Detective Inspector Hepburn,

Eastern and District CID.

Hello, Inspect-Detector.

George is okay.

I'm Petula.

Sorry, I didn't

sleep very well.

Come in, please.

Sorry I'm not up.

Oops. Sorry.

Please, allow me.

(GASPS)

Would you mind

waiting here

till I'm dressed?

Of course.

You going in to work?

Uh-huh.

I have to.

They won't mind if

I'm late, though.

Who won't mind?

Ronnie McMinn?

Big softie, isn't he?

You a friend of his?

There's no such thing

as friends

on the golf course,

I'm afraid.

So, Petula, you work

for Brian McMinn?

PETULA: Well, I work

for his big brother,

technically.

Uh-huh. How long

have you been

living with Brian?

A year.

How long have you

worked for the firm?

About a week longer

than we've been

living together.

Love at first sight, eh?

Oh. Absolutely.

It really was very much

and completely that.

Firstly,

I should ask you.

Do you have any idea

where your boyfriend

might be?

None.

You last saw him?

Tuesday night.

We'd been for dinner.

We came home.

Brian sat up drinking,

and I went to bed.

I suppose I just

drank too much.

I didn't so much

go to bed as crash.

Was Mr. McMinn in

a similar condition?

He was probably.

I was only

drinking Sea Breezes.

You got the bruise

from walking

into something

while you

were inebriated?

Not from being

punched by Brian?

What's that supposed

to mean?

I'm a detective

inspector, Petula.

Do you know

what a detective

inspector does?

This is one of

those police questions

you're supposed to

say no to, isn't it?

What a detective

inspector does,

is he detects things.

And then when

he's successfully

detected them,

he inspects them

in order to establish

whether or not

there was any point

in detecting them.

Mmm-hmm.

And from where

I'm standing

I can detect

some bruising around

your cheekbone,

consistent with a blow

and discoloration

around your neck,

consistent with

an attempted throttling.

I'm not being

too personal,

am I, Petula?

Do you have other men

in your life

or does Brian

get violent

when he drinks?

He doesn't.

I don't have any

other men in my life.

So, either lover-boy

hit you and stormed out

in a raging temper

or you've k*lled him

and hidden his body.

That is just utterly

and completely

ridiculous!

What is?

That I've k*lled him

and hidden his body.

I know.

I was being facetious

to stop you getting upset.

Even joking

you shouldn't say.

How would you feel

if your wife

had disappeared?

I'm not married,

and neither are you.

What you're saying

isn't the sort of thing

you should make

facetious remarks about

because it could

be the sort of thing

that people

could get upset by.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, my God!

(SNIFFING)

Stuart, I've got

a wee bit of a situation

developing here.

That's right,

the missing persons.

Anybody needs me

I'll be in the office

after lunch.

(SNIFFING)

Could you

look at it again?

I'm okay now,

I think.

(PETULA GASPS)

It's Brian's ring.

Did he have it on

when you last saw him?

Yes.

He wears it

all the time.

It's stuck.

He says he'll never

get the bloody thing off.

That's Brian's

mobile phone.

Are you up

to trying it now?

No, I don't.

I mean, do I have to?

We have to know

a few things quickly.

We have to know

Brian's state of health,

whether or not

this is a hoax,

and we have to...

you have to make sure

that if there is

a real problem here

that we don't jeopardize

Mr. McMinn's well-being

by our actions.

Am I being clear?

(DIALING)

(RINGING TONE)

What's the matter?

Are you not okay?

I don't know what

I'm going to say.

Find out what they want.

They'll tell you.

(DIALING)

(RINGING TONE)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

PETULA OVER PHONE:

Hello?

DOROTHY: Hello, Petula.

If Brian's brother

wants Brian back,

he'll have to

pay money for him.

They know my name.

Ask them

what they want.

They want money.

How much money

do they want?

How much money

do you want?

DOROTHY:

You're the one

who works there.

What's a reasonable sum?

How much is he worth?

How much

can Ronnie McMinn

get his hands on?

I don't...

I don't know

what you mean.

How much?

Petula...

He's dead now

and we k*lled him.

So, if we

could get away

from here forever.

I can't think of

anything else to say.

Brian is dead.

You're all alone.

It's just you and me.

Help me.

You want exactly

£1 million cash.

No. A real number.

A serious number.

Not a bloody imaginary...

£1 million or...

Ronnie McMinn will

get his brother's head

in a green

nylon knapsack

all tied up

with a ribbon

through the post.

Bloody hell.

Tell them you have

to speak to Brian.

Hello...

I have to speak

to Brian.

(WHISPERING)

To know that

he's all right.

To know

that he's all right.

We can't bring him

to the phone.

(WHISPERING) They can't

bring him to the phone.

Then how do we know

that they haven't

already decapitated

Mr. McMinn?

Ask him something.

Who?

Brian.

Ask me to ask

Brian a question.

I have to

ask him something.

What?

What do you

want me to ask him?

Something only you

and Brian both know.

Something only me

and Brian both know.

On you go.

Ask him...

Tell him to...

God, I can't think

of what to ask.

Tell them to ask

Brian to tell you

when and where

you and him

last made love.

When and where

did Brian and me

last make love?

Half an hour ago,

up the bottom.

(GASPS)

That is precisely,

100% spot on.

(LAUGHING)

You're not contemplating

something silly here,

are you, hen?

It's a favorite spot,

you know.

It's lovely.

It's not lovely

when you're fishing

them out of the water.

Away home and

take an overdose.

They've hung up.

Did they answer

the question?

What did they say?

Oh.

They said,

"On the leather

couch in his office,

"Tuesday lunchtime...

"Twice."

And would that

be correct?

Then I have to say

that I think Mr. McMinn

is a very,

very lucky man

because obviously...

Obviously he hasn't

had his head cut off.

(GASPS) I'm so sorry.

I thought you meant...

You've had

a massive shock.

Now, let me

ask you before I go,

do you have

an easily accessible

back entrance

I can make use of?

(TOILET FLUSHING)

HEPBURN: Dave, have you

seen Neil McIndoe?

Who's Neil McIndoe?

Regional pathologist.

Big ugly fucker,

no taste in clothes,

bad personal hygiene.

Got you.

In the canteen.

Reason I didn't know

who you meant,

was everybody

calls him "dog breath."

f*ck me.

You're not eating

that swill out of choice,

are you, Neil?

Detective Inspector Hepburn.

How's the golf, George?

It'd be a lot better

if some fucker

hadn't ripped off

my clubs out my car.

The reason I come here

to eat this swill

is so I can enjoy my lunch

without being surrounded

by body parts.

I thought pathologists

had no feelings.

That's a myth,

like all pathologists

have bad breath.

Where is your finger from?

You tell me.

Off a dead person

or a live one?

Obviously dead.

If you cut a finger

from somebody

that's alive,

that finger

will exsanguinate.

All the blood

will drain from it.

Cut that finger

from a corpse,

the blood is already

semi-coagulated.

That's what I thought.

Somebody playing

practical silly f*ckers?

Some medical student,

no doubt.

They're such scum,

those f*ckers.

(SPURTING)

This is Brian's finger.

You recognize the ring?

I know my own flesh,

George.

Does this mean

he's alive?

On balance, Ronnie,

all things

taken into account

and after listening

to expert advice,

I can say absolutely.

He was alive

when it was cut off.

The girl's spoken to him.

If they hadn't

k*lled him by then,

they won't k*ll him now.

What are you. Sorry,

I have to keep that.

I'm going to see

it's returned

to my brother.

Not now, later.

I have to keep it

in custody

for the time being.

Custody?

I mean, as evidence.

Don't! Sorry.

Sorry, Ronnie. Please.

Don't touch that.

I haven't had time

to have it dusted yet.

For fingerprints?

I'm sorry, Ronnie,

but I have to

ask you one question

just to

get the possibility

out of the way.

And this is

simply to eliminate

a line of enquiry.

George, ask me.

There's no possibility,

is there,

that Brian would

be so hard up for money

he would sacrifice

his own fingers

in an attempt

to finagle funds

out of his big brother?

Ronnie?

(LAUGHS)

He'd only have

to ask me.

Right.

In that case,

we proceed

with this being

a bona fide kidnapping

and extortion.

They want

precisely £2 million.

PETULA: All right, then.

Well, I'll meet you

about 7:00 tonight.

Listen, can you drive?

So, that's it then?

Sorry.

What do you mean,

that's what?

That's the famous couch

where it all happened...

"Tuesday lunchtime...

"Twice."

(CHUCKLES)

(SQUEAKING)

(RONNIE SIGHS)

Does Brian think

he can still

keep you happy

with only nine fingers?

What?

Still, that's a lot of money

for a wee bit of your body.

Hmm? Isn't it? Eh?

Which bit of your body

is worth the most to you?

Stop it.

Those are lovely lips.

(LIFT CLANGS)

My wee brother

was still alive

when his finger

was cut off from him.

Can you imagine how sore

that must've been

chopping through

bone and gristle

and tender flesh?

Brian's too soft

for any of that.

Isn't he?

I don't know what

you're talking about.

(LAUGHING)

You didn't do it

for him, did you?

'Cause if I thought...

Well, you could kiss

those lovely lips goodbye.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

And I wouldn't

stop there, Petula.

Any messages for me?

Somebody

called Ronnie McMinn

phoned this morning.

Got his number.

Just a pal of mine

wanting a game of golf.

Any luck

with your clubs?

What do you expect?

The police are

a bunch of worthless,

skiving assholes.

What about your

missing persons?

f*cked off

in a drunken huff

and left his missus.

Is she a dog?

(LAUGHS) Stuart, my son,

she is a total f*cking dog.

Can't blame

the poor fucker.

Maybe he topped

himself having to gaze

at her ugly mug

while trying to digest.

(STUART LAUGHING)

PETULA: Clutch,

accelerator, brake.

No. Brake,

accelerator, clutch.

Surely.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIGHS)

Neutral.

"Always make sure

your vehicle is in neutral

"before you start

your engine, Petula,

"or I will punch

your f*cking lights out."

"Mirror, signal, maneuver."

Now what the f*ck

was that about?

(STARTS ENGINE)

PETULA: Oh!

DOROTHY: Oh, my God!

(GRUNTS)

PETULA: We bring

Brian's body here

after it's dark.

We'll make it seem

the kidnappers

held him here

and tortured him for days

before they k*lled him.

You have a very

brilliant criminal mind.

What are you doing?

Torturers don't tidy up.

The place should be

a complete smelly tip,

reeking of lager.

Right.

We should get

some Chinese take-aways

and chuck them about.

Also, we should

get some filthy socks

and pants of Tony's.

I bet you £1 million,

kidnappers' pants

smell just like Tony's.

(LAUGHING)

(WOMAN MOANING)

(WOMAN SPEAKING GERMAN)

DOROTHY: "Fick mich in

meinen Arsch," Petula.

What?

Are you judging me?

No, I'm not judging you.

If I was judging you,

you would be in jail

for m*rder,

kidnapping, t*rture.

Dorothy,

that is totally gross.

Get off me, you monster.

Sniff my cheesy

"grunties," flower.

Gonna suck mein socks

and fick meinen Arsch!

(LAUGHING)

Come on.

That's disgusting!

I'm going for a pee.

(URINATING)

No, dog, get out.

Bloody hell.

That can't be pleasant.

That is as thick

as a baby's arm.

Would you let a baby

do that to you

with his arm?

Get away from there!

f*ck!

Oh, f*ck.

(PANTING)

Is that somebody

we know out there?

Eh?

Who's the

f*cking stiff, Dot?

Tony, that's

Petula's boyfriend.

He was in an accident.

And it's got

nothing to do with you.

So just don't start!

Petula?

You've got to

be kidding.

Right.

I want my golf clubs.

Is this what you

were looking for,

you evil bastard?

Get out

or I'll s*ab you,

I honestly will.

Where'd you get

one of them?

Jesus.

Listen.

I'm not well.

I'm sick, doll.

I didn't know that

was in there, darling.

Don't get upset at me.

There's something in

my golf bag I need.

Make me feel

better, doll.

I'm feeling shite.

And then

I'll be out of here.

You know me, babe.

I'll get my gear

and mellow out

and vamoose, babe.

You get it

and you get out.

See?

My stash, doll.

And my works.

'Cause I need

my stash, eh?

I need my g*n.

Now what the f*ck

is f*cking going on here?

I'm asking you

right now.

What the f*ck

were you doing

with my underpants?

Eh?

There's no way

you can describe

these as cheesy.

(SNIFFING)

These are as fresh

as a newborn daisy.

Pluto, my baby.

Come to bed.

Pluto, no. No!

(BARKING)

Now put the knife down

or I'll sh**t

Scooby-Doo here,

(WHIMPERING)

right in the middle

of his face.

So what's

the score then?

Who's the poor bastard

out in the cold?

He's my boyfriend.

Who k*lled him?

Well, he was

beating me up

and Dorothy came

and rescued me.

Nobody meant to

k*ll anybody.

That makes it okay,

then, does it?

Some poor fucker

goes down that

f*cking tunnel

and it's okay

by you pair

'cause it was

only an accident.

How come he's not

buried in a grave,

in a f*cking cemetery,

if it's hunky-dory?

We were going to

phone the authorities.

Don't you patronize me.

I'll cut your face off.

He's been kidnapped.

I heard you just now.

So how much is

your stiff worth?

If you lie to me,

I'll hurt the dog

really badly.

Tony, it's not...

£1 million.

You're kidding.

Well, well, well.

That's enough

for all three of us

to play with,

isn't it, girls?

Now then,

come and sit down

next to me.

Hit me with some of

that really fabby gear

out of my golf bag.

Your friend is gorgeous,

by the way.

Have you pair got

a wee thing going?

That would be...

Oh, rather nice.

Oh.

Do yourself.

No, Tony, please.

Do yourself

or I'll sh**t

the dog in the face

with my golf g*n.

Look at her.

A former connoisseur.

The good old days,

eh, Dorothy?

Now, let me be frank

with you.

I'm not interested

in money.

There's other things

I need more than money.

Here.

Now, I want you to

take off your tights

and tie Dorothy's hands

behind her back.

Now, Petula,

I want you to

take off your pants.

PETULA: Why?

'Cause I'm gonna

f*ck you, gorgeous.

Then you and I are

gonna watch

while Scooby-Doo

fucks Dorothy.

Oh.

(YELLS)

(PLUTO BARKING)

(PLUTO WHIMPERS)

You bastard!

(SCREAMS)

I'm gonna f*cking

k*ll you!

You bastard!

(GLASS SHATTERING)

One, two, three.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Leave it.

(RINGING TONE)

Still here, boss?

You got the keys

for the secure room?

What are you looking for?

Just checking something.

I can't stay.

I have to go back

to the house.

If I stay out,

the police will

know something's wrong.

Can you manage?

All right, phone me

in the morning,

first thing.

Tony's tied up.

I have to go.

(GROANING)

Oh, Jesus!

Wait.

Will you get my dog

to the hospital?

Don't worry.

I'll take care of him.

(WHIMPERING)

And he's not

your dog.

He's my dog.

And if he dies,

(g*n COCKING)

you die as well,

you bad, evil bastard.

It's not my dog.

He's called Pluto

or something.

Right. How much

do vets cost? Here.

Sorry, miss.

You can't just...

Also, watch when

you sew him up

because he's

50% acrylic.

I was only joking

about you and Pluto.

I love you.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

I'm dying.

If you don't get me

to a hospital, I'll die.

You'll be in a hospital

in a couple of hours.

My arm's numb,

my fingers are cold.

I'm freezing cold

all over.

Just a wee bit longer.

"Don't let

the bugs bite."

Remember?

You used to say that.

The time you were ill

and I looked after you.

You remember?

It was you

who made me ill.

(HAIRDRYER WHIRRING)

Brian?

(SOBBING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Who's there?

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

I could put you

in the jail

or I could lose

a little bit of weight.

(g*n COCKING)

Work on my tan.

Please.

I'll make you very,

very happy.

Please. I'm sorry.

(SNIFFING)

I'd be right in thinking

I can smell blood,

gorgeous?

Blood and shampoo.

Chicks.

(LAUGHS)

I've wanted one

like you all my life.

You're a very

lovely creature.

(DINGING)

(DIALING)

Listen, Dorothy...

AUTOMATED VOICE:

The number called

is switched off.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, shit,

shit, shit.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(RAIN PATTERING)

(WIND HOWLING)

(SCREAMING)

Back upstairs to bed.

I want you to

have a nice sleep

so that you look

gorgeous for Brian

when he comes back

to get my money.

Sleep tight.

Mr. McMinn.

Mr. McMinn!

These gentlemen

are here to see you.

Then show these gentlemen

into my office, Maureen.

Pluto!

(DOGS BARKING)

Pluto!

Pluto!

My baby. Oh!

Thank you.

Bridges service

station, please.

(GRUNTING)

All right, b*tches

I'll drain your blood.

All right, Maureen.

I can't get over it.

The suffering he

must've gone through.

Don't think about it.

He'll be fine.

Makes me sick

to my stomach.

That's a mere pittance.

£2 million.

I'd pay twice this

to catch these fiends.

I know.

Promise me something.

Fifteen minutes

alone with them.

I'll show them what happens

when you f*ck

with Ronnie McMinn.

You are confident

this is the best way?

I trust you.

Whenever they tell us

where the drop is,

then we've got them.

The hardest part

of a kidnapping

is picking up the ransom.

That's where

we catch kidnappers

every single time.

Nobody's ever

figured out how

to collect a bag of money

without being followed.

99% are apprehended

at that point.

I'm sorry.

A very peculiar phone call

from some Irish girl

who says that,

"Petula has to get in

that taxi outside

"and the drop,"

whatever that's

supposed to mean

"is the Bridges

service station."

(DIALING)

Hello, Stuart.

The Bridges

service station.

Carrier is en route.

WOMAN OVER PHONE:

The executive

sauna and massage

is open

Monday to Friday

10:00 a.m. to midnight.

Right.

That's the backup

in position.

Okay?

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

HEPBURN: All right,

in you get.

Just hang on, driver.

Honestly,

I don't know if...

Just do exactly

what you're told.

I'll be behind you

every step of the way.

What?

He's my brother.

I've got to be there.

For God's sakes,

this is a very

delicate business.

As you've seen,

everything is up shit creek.

You've got to trust me.

What is going on?

Brian's dead and

that fucker knows it.

I'll show him

what I f*cking trust!

Dorothy!

Did you...

I told her,

he looks as if

he should be at home

in his basket.

PETULA: Pluto.

Sit.

Down!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

HEPBURN: Step away

from the dog!

Step away

from the dog!

Run!

You didn't give

the money to the dog?

That's what

you told me to do!

You stupid f*cking b*tch!

Get off!

Ouch!

(SCREAMING)

(BARKING)

(GROANS)

CID. This is

an official crime scene.

You're officially shut

till I get back.

Understood?

PETULA: Go, Pluto!

Go home.

Shit!

Shit, shit, shit,

shit, shit, shit!

Shit, shit, shit...

I really feel

that I have to say

that you're

one of the most

gorgeous creatures

I've ever set eyes on.

Oh, shit!

Here, boy. Is your

daddy home, Pluto?

Looks like you've

got some gear for him.

Your bad dad owes

your Uncle Aidan

big time.

The dog!

What's with your

f*cking shoving, pal?

That's a lot of gear

that dog was holding

for...

(GROANING)

(g*n COCKING)

Now, you junkie f*ck,

tell me where

the dog lives!

Good dog.

Good dog.

Well done.

Come on.

Tony?

Are you awake?

Shit!

Hold the g*n

by the muzzle.

(HEPBURN PANTING)

Now, throw the g*n

to me.

Get your hands

in the air. Now!

Is that

Brian McMinn in there?

Is that your hostage?

That's him.

He needs a doctor.

(g*n FIRING)

(WHIMPERING)

Jesus!

It looks like

you've just k*lled

your hostage,

which is a pretty

fundamental error.

Now, miss,

would you please not stand

in front of the window.

What?

Do as you're told.

Step away from the window

and you won't get hurt.

Come on now.

I'm a detective inspector

with the Eastern District

Regional Constabulary.

You thieving b*tch!

That's my golf clubs!

(g*n COCKING)

Oh!

No one fucks

with Ronnie McMinn.

Ronnie...

(CLICKING)

Ronnie, f*ck you.

(GRUNTING)

Shit!

Oh, Jesus!

Tony...

(CLICKS)

I saved your

life there, mister.

And I have to tell you

this whole thing

was dreamt up

by that b*tch there

and her pal

(g*n FIRES)

No one...

No one...

least of all a f*cking

filthy creature like you

or your dimwit pal

fucks with Ronnie...

(SCREAMING) Petula!

McMinn.

(g*n FIRING)

(g*n FIRES)

(EXHALES)

(SHUDDERING)

(GROWLING)

(DOGS BARKING)

What am I going

to do about this?

There's bound

to be some tools

in the boat.

There's not gonna be

any tools in there,

is there?

Shit!

Dorothy, get the bag.

Dorothy, open the bag!

You've nothing smaller

than a £100 note?

No. Sorry.

£2.60.

I didn't charge you

for your funny colored

guide dog or blind pal.

I'll come back

with your change.

No, that's all right.

Keep the money.

It's a present

from Pluto.

PETULA: Dorothy?

DOROTHY: Mmm-hmm?

You know how Pluto's

50% acrylic?

Yeah.

Is that the half

that's pink?

It is.

Really?

So does that

make him

dry-clean only?

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
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