Night Time World, The (2025)

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Night Time World, The (2025)

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(dark dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

(flames whoosh)

(static crackling)

- [Edgar] Believe

nothing you hear,

and only half of what you see.

- That was the great

Edgar Allen Poe,

and his words couldn't be

more true, especially now.

Good evening everyone,

and welcome to your live

podcast guide into the unknown.

Are you ready to take a journey

with me into "The

Night Time World"?

(dark contemplative music)

(dark contemplative

music continues)

(dark contemplative

music continues)

(dark contemplative

music continues)

(dark contemplative

music continues)

(dark contemplative

music continues)

I will be opening up the

lines in just a few minutes

to hear your voices

over the night,

but as always, I have some

great stories to share with you

to help us pass the time.

The first is about an ad in

the back page classifieds

for, well, you'll just

have to hear for yourself.

And then a few on the

subject of eternal life.

That's right, my personal

favorite, vampires.

Before I get to the stories,

I'd like to start the night

by addressing some of

the feedback and calls

from last week's show,

one on the concept

of the undead,

specifically the supernatural.

I started this podcast

to look at the stranger

more frightening side of life,

the things hidden

by the light of day.

There's a reason why

we fret at night,

why fear comes to us

as we're lying in bed

waiting for sleep,

because sleep is the

closest thing to death

that life has to offer us.

I believe that

every time we sleep,

we're experiencing

a little death,

we shut down, and our

souls leave our bodies.

For where?

I don't know.

But you've told me of your

out-of-body experiences,

and let me tell you, I

think of death all the time.

I don't want to die.

I don't think anyone does.

Perhaps a few of you don't

want to live anymore,

but how could anyone want death

without really knowing

what that means?

Whether it's a quick death

or one from old age,

painless or not.

The issue for me is nothing.

I'm not worried

about heaven or hell.

Either would be fine, I suppose.

But what if there's

just nothing?

A few years ago, I had to be

put under for a procedure.

They used some great dr*gs.

One minute I was awake,

then they pumped

that shit into me,

and the next thing I

know, I'm waking up.

It was all over.

And in between,

there was nothing.

I don't recall any dreams.

I don't remember anything

positive or negative,

just nothing.

I see some of you want

to talk about this.

Just hold tight for a moment.

What if there is no soul?

What if your brain

is like a hard drive,

except that when you

turn the power off,

the drive goes dead?

Everything it has on

it, all those pictures,

videos, sounds,

music, experiences,

are just gone, and

there's nothing?

That is what I fear most.

That is what keeps

me up at night.

Now, for some of you, I

suppose this might sound

like a real vacation.

My mother, may she rest in

peace, worked in a nursing home,

and a real shitty one at that.

Some of the stories she

told me about that place

would make you

question human decency.

Some would make your skin crawl.

But one in particular

stuck in my memory.

There was a woman

there in her 90s,

and this was several

years ago, mind you.

She was physically

healthy for her age,

but her mind had lost

touch with reality.

She spent most of her

waking hours screaming,

just terrified,

screaming all the time.

Even the doctors were

unable to find any answers,

and they ultimately gave

up on this poor woman.

But my mother

refused to give up,

and tried to comfort

her however she could.

One night, my mother sat up

holding this poor woman's hand,

and suddenly she went quiet.

Her eyes were glued to

a spot on the ceiling,

a look of pure

terror on her face.

My mother called out to her,

but the woman never

acknowledged that she was there.

Suddenly the faintest whisper,

"If the gas chamber

doesn't get you,

they'll sh**t you dead."

You see, the woman was

a Holocaust survivor

reliving her time in the camp.

The nightmares she lived through

were the only thing

left in her head,

and it was a 24 hour

a day horror movie.

Eternal life would be a curse

if it was anything like what

that woman was experiencing,

I'm sure she would've

gladly traded in those days

for a blank hard drive.

What do you think?

If you could live forever,

would you want to?

Let's take a call.

The lines are open, so give me

a ring if you'd like to chat.

(iPhone vibrating)

We have a call.

This is Nada, and you are

on "The Night Time World".

- [Caller] I'm being

made to call you.

- Okay, so I take it you're

not a big fan of the show.

- [Caller] I want to die.

- All right.

Uh, one vote for not

wanting eternal life,

albeit a strange one.

Thank you for calling.

- [Caller] Listen,

she is making me call you.

- Who is making you call me?

- [Caller] This isn't a story.

This is for real.

So-so you listen, and

you listen carefully.

She's standing right here,

and she's gonna talk to you

when it's time.

- Are you in danger?

Is she going to hurt you?

- [Caller] She won't let me die.

- And this is a problem?

- [Caller] A month ago, I

placed an ad on a website

for someone to k*ll me

and record it on video.

- Why would you do that?

- [Caller] Listen!

She answered the ad.

- Okay, I'll bite.

Put her on.

- [Caller] Not yet.

She wants me to tell you

why she answered the ad.

- Why would anyone

answer an ad like that?

- [Caller] It's-it's,

it's more like

a very bloody assisted su1c1de.

But this girl that

answered, she's not human,

- Okay, I don't

think I can help you,

and I have to take

another call now.

- [Caller] She says that you

don't have any other calls.

She says that she is

controlling your lines

and that I'm the only person

who can call in right now.

- Regardless, I

have a show to do.

So best of luck to you, sir.

Well, I certainly hope that

I'll be getting some calls soon,

but in the meantime, let's

get into our first story.

It's called "The Back Page",

and it takes us back to

a time not so long ago

when there was something

called newspapers.

(dark tense music)

- That's when I found out

that the two chicks

were actually two boys.

(woman laughs)

(Paul laughing)

(Paul whoops)

- No.

(Paul groans)

- Shane, come on.

Dude, I'm so

f*cking bad at this.

Let's just go sit at the bar.

- Bad at what?

- I literally just

smiled at that girl,

and she showed me

like I was a leper.

- Oh, come on Paul.

You just gotta loosen up.

And how do you expect

to meet somebody

when you're staring at your

lame ass lite beer all night?

You gotta turn around and

face your f*cking opponent.

And so what if some chick

thinks you're a leopard?

You know, it's just-

- Leper.

- What?

- A leper is someone

with leprosy.

It's like a skin disease.

You said leopard,

which is a cat.

- You got a cat?

- No, no dude.

A leopard is a cat.

What I'm trying to

tell you is that girl-

- Oh my god, dude.

I don't even give a

f*ck about the words

coming outta your

mouth right now.

What's up Catalina?

- Shane, hi.

- There's like a hundred

hot girls here, dude.

One of 'em is bound to

be into this hobo look

you got going on these days.

It's all a numbers game, man.

It's about presenting

yourself to as many women

as physically possible.

And when I say physically,

you know what I mean,

like physically, you know?

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

You don't need to mime boobs.

- Oh, I'm glad you

have a vague memory

of what boobs look like.

- f*ck you.

- f*ck me?

Sorry, I think this

chick's got dibs on my d*ck

for the night.

- Yeah, she seems real into you.

- Dude, I don't care

if she's dumb as f*ck.

What I care about

is she has a sister,

and I think if we

play our cards right-

- Hold on, wait.

You think her sister

would be into me?

- You?

- Yeah.

(Shane laughing)

- Dude, no.

No, you didn't let me finish.

I'm saying I think

I can f*ck 'em both.

Alright, fine.

I'll ask.

Hey, uh, you think your

sister would be into Paul?

- [Catalina] Um.

- Exactly.

Sorry, it didn't work out, bro.

- I'm just out of practice.

I mean, it's been six

months since Emily, and I-

- No, tell me you did

not just f*cking say

that horrible word.

What's the first commandment?

- I know, I know.

- No, say it.

- I'm not allowed

to say the evil-

- No, say it like we chiseled

it into goddam stone.

- Stone?

We wrote it with

Sharpie on a pizza box.

- It was symbolism, you piece of

shit. Now say it.

- All right.

Thou shalt not say thy

evil swine's name aloud

for she hath ruined thine life.

- Exactly.

And what's the second command?

- Get p*ssy.

- Amen.

Now peace be with you.

Uh, go get 'em, tiger.

- Come on Shane,

I need your help.

I mean, I'm rusty.

In fact, I'm pretty much an

out of shape ball of rust.

Now-now you, you, my friend,

are a well-oiled machine.

If there's a hundred

hot girls here,

you've probably

banged 95 of them.

- 95?

No.

Well, uh, are we

counting mouth stuff?

Because if we're

counting mouth stuff,

I might be pretty

close, actually.

And I also believe I finger

blasted this bartender,

which might explain why I

can't get a f*cking drink

to save my life tonight.

Oh hey, yeah.

Very nice, very nice.

Same finger I used on you.

Alright, all right,

dude, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

You know, you just

need something

to get you back into the

swing of things, you know,

like, uh,

(snaps fingers)

I got it, dude.

You need a f*cking massage.

- You want me to have a spa day?

What the hell are

you talking about?

- No, I'm talking about

a f*cking massage,

like when where you have

sex with the person,

like a, like a mass-f*ck.

No, that's dumb.

That's dumb.

Like a f*ck-sage?

You, my friend,

need a f*ck-sage.

- Yeah, thanks, but I'm

not trying to go to jail.

- Oh my god, Paul.

You're not gonna go

to jail, you nerd.

There's a thing out there,

it's called the internet,

and on it, you can do

a lot of stuff, okay?

It won't make you as

handsome and awesome

and as hugely donged as me,

but it'll definitely

help you find a site

to get your d*ck sucked.

- I don't know, man.

- Relax, okay?

I've done it a couple times.

I know which sites

are safe and discrete.

You're definitely not

gonna get arrested.

Besides, Paul, look at me.

You need this.

- I just don't think I've

completely hit rock bottom.

- Hey.

- Hi!

Um.

Back at 'cha.

- Is anyone sitting here?

- No, no.

Uh, all yours.

Go ahead.

- Thanks.

- So, I'm-I'm Paul.

- Casey.

- Tight.

Super tight.

I've always dug

boys names on girls.

- Sorry, what?

- What the f*ck are you saying?

- I don't f*cking know!

So I'm-I'm Paul, by the way.

- Still Casey.

- Yeah, still tight.

So, uh.

My mom's birthday coming up!

- Happy birthday to your mom.

- Thanks, that-that's

really nice of you.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna text

her that you said that.

Oh, my phone's dead.

Can I borrow yours?

- No.

Um, I don't, like,

give my phone out to-

- Oh yeah, yeah.

- Random people I just met.

- Exactly, yeah, totally.

No, I get that.

Um, so do you, uh,

live in the area, or?

- No actually, I just

moved from New York.

- Oh yeah.

New York!

I've never understood the

whole Big Apple thing.

I mean, the city doesn't

look like an apple.

Do you guys just-just walk

around eating apples, or-

- [Casey] Finally!

- Hey, is this

guy bothering you?

- No.

- All right, give me the names

of those f*cking websites.

- All right.

Paul's gonna get his

d*ck sucked tonight!

- Who's Paul?

(soft tense music)

- "Hard day at the office?

Need to blow off some steam?

Cum", of course she

spelled it that way,

"to my private studio and

allow my soothing touch

to jerk your troubles away."

Well now she's not

even being subtle

about the fact that

she jacks off dudes.

"In call only, 300

rose donation."

(keys stroking)

(message whooshes)

(liquor pours)

Whoa, why are you yelling?

"Feeling lonely?

Experience a sensual full-body

massage from me, Kate.

No Croatians/Vietnamese"?

That's-that's very specific.

How do you get,

I'm already supporting

prostitution.

I don't wanna support

r*cist prostitution.

(cellphone vibrates)

Shit.

(soft tense music)

(Paul sighs)

(Paul groans)

Hmm?

(newspaper crinkles)

"Total relaxation.

Allow me to take your

body to total relaxation.

Price negotiable,

will come to you.

Lilith."

(call dialing)

(phone ringing)

(Paul sighs)

Oh, thank god.

That was stupid.

You don't actually

wanna buy a prost*tute.

(cellphone vibrating)

What do I say?

What do I say?

f*ck.

Uh, hello.

Hi, Lilith.

How's it going?

Ah, yes.

Uh, oh, would you like to

touch my p*nis for $78?

Yes, I-I do know that's

an offensively small

amount of money to

offer for your services.

Oh, you're sending your pimp

to s*ab me in the

throat right now?

Sounds great.

I'll leave the porch

light on for him.

(sighs) f*ck.

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

Hello there.

- [Lilith] You call me?

- No.

- [Lilith] You sure about that?

- Second command?

- Get p*ssy.

p*ssy, p*ssy.

Yes.

I called you.

I want total relaxation.

- [Lilith] (chuckles)

Well, okay.

Where do you live?

- 616 Hanover Lane.

- [Lilith] I'll be there in 20.

(Paul exhales)

- f*ck.

(soft tense music)

All right.

20 minutes.

I can just rest my eyes.

(tense foreboding music)

(knocking at door)

(music fades)

f*ck!

(Paul groaning)

Hey!

Who's there?

Who the f*ck is there?

- [Lilith] It's Lilith.

- [Paul] Who?

- [Lilith] You called me.

The ad in the paper?

- Oh, I think you

have the wrong, um,

the wrong-

- The wrong?

- The wrong nothing.

You're in the right place.

- Well good.

Glad I still know how to read.

- I'm sorry, I fell asleep,

and I had no idea

what was going on,

and then, honestly,

I'm still kinda drunk, and I

stubbed my toe on the table.

- No worries.

I'm over it.

And if I hadn't

heard you whimper

like a little girl,

I'd probably be driving

home right now, and not looking

at your cute brown eyes.

(Paul chuckles)

(soft music)

So, are your

neighbors cool with us

doing this on the porch,

or should we maybe

go inside your house?

- Oh, yeah.

Of course.

(bag thumps)

So.

I'm Paul.

- [Lilith] Lilith.

- Tight!

Super.

So, do you come here often?

- To your house?

- Yeah.

- No. (scoffs)

- [Paul] All right, good point.

Good point.

Makes sense, good point.

So, are you, like, doing

this to pay for college,

or what?

- I'm not answering

stupid questions.

- Okay.

Lilith's a pretty cool name.

Is that like your real name?

- Try again.

- [Paul] Oh, okay.

Uh, how long you

been doing this?

- I don't know.

What year is it?

- What?

- A while.

Longer than I feel

like talking about.

- [Paul] Oh.

I-I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

I know you mean well.

You people always mean well.

- Do you not like doing this?

- Yes and no.

The job is kind of a

necessary evil, though.

Hey, do you wanna

go to your bedroom?

- Um.

Well.

I mean, can't we just kinda

hang out and talk first?

You know, chit-chat, and-

- Yeah, sure.

Part VI is better.

- Well yeah, but this one

has the cooler poster.

You know, I never

expected my, uh, masseuse?

What should I call your job?

- Call me whatever you want.

Call girl, hooker.

Lady of the night.

Just don't call me whore.

That word is so Deuteronomy.

- Okay, well, I never

expected a beautiful woman

like yourself to be

so into horror movies.

Do you wanna watch a movie?

- Did you really invite

me over here for a movie?

You know, by now, most

guys would be begging me

to tear them apart.

(Paul chuckling)

- I guess I'm not most guys.

- That's okay.

We'll go at your speed.

But at some point,

I'm gonna need to get

what I came here for.

These are cute.

Are you sure you're old

enough to have a girl over?

- Hey, I'm 24.

- Okay, but if your

parents come home soon,

I don't have to explain

to them what I'm doing

to their little boy.

- Okay.

First off, every inch of this

sprawling 900 square foot

estate is all mine.

No parents, no roommate,

and no girlfriend.

Secondly, those action figures

are worth more than my car.

In fact, depending on

how things go tonight,

I might wind up

having to pay you

with one of them.

(soft tense music)

(soft tense music continues)

(soft tense music continues)

- Do you really

think I'm only worth

one of those toys?

Come on.

Let's do this.

- Yeah.

Definitely.

What's in this thing?

Because I should probably

say this right now,

if it's sex toys,

I really don't want

anything inside of me.

- It's my massage table.

Is this your bedroom?

- Yeah.

- (scoffs) You sleep

on an air mattress?

- Well, my ex took

a lot of stuff

when she moved out, so I'm

currently in between mattresses.

- That's depressing.

- Agreed.

Should we go back

to the living room?

I could've just deflated it.

- I don't wanna

do it downstairs.

I wanna do it in here.

You don't want your

neighbors hearing us,

you know, if things start

to get a little crazy.

- Yeah.

I think I wanna get crazy.

- Oh do you?

- Yeah.

(smacking skin lightly)

- Great, now help me

set up this table.

(door slams)

- What the f*ck?

- Let's get you

outta these clothes.

- Wait.

Wait!

Wait.

I need to say something first.

I just went through a

really rough breakup,

and I've kind of let myself go.

Like not I need a

crane to get myself

out the door, let myself go,

but I should definitely

not be getting touched

by a woman like you.

I mean, at my physical

peak, I was a seven at best,

and right now, I'm a

solid five and a quarter,

which I'm okay with.

I really am.

But you, you,

you're a goddess.

I mean, you're basically

the most gorgeous woman

who's ever talked to me, let

alone laid her hands on me,

and just to be clear,

I'm not delusional.

I know this isn't gonna

be some "Pretty Woman"

type scenario where I woo you

into falling in love with me,

because let's be honest,

I'm no Richard Gere.

In fact, if anything, I'm

more of a Richard Dreyfuss,

and that movie would've

never worked with Dreyfuss.

(Paul sighs)

Okay.

Look.

I know the only

reason you're here

is because I'm paying

you to be here,

but thank you.

I need this.

And I really hope that

I don't disappoint you.

- I'm not a goddess.

They'd be pretty pissed

off at the comparison.

Paul, don't worry

about disappointing me.

You seem like a great guy.

In fact, kinda wish we'd met

under different circumstances.

But it was meant to be.

We're here.

Tonight.

Alone.

And I can sense your

sadness, and your loneliness.

But I'm gonna make

it all go away.

I don't care about the outside.

This?

This is just flesh.

It's what's under the

flesh that I desire.

(soft tense music)

(soft tense music continues)

(soft tense music continues)

(Paul breathing heavily)

It's time to relax.

(Paul breathing heavily)

(soft tense music continues)

(soft tense music continues)

(liquid spurting)

(Paul muttering)

Shh, just relax.

- What the f*ck?

- Let it all go.

(Paul slumping)

(Paul breathing heavily)

(liquid spurts)

(Paul struggling)

(Paul breathing heavily)

(liquid spurts)

(Paul whimpering)

(Paul whimpering)

(Paul snorting)

(mattress squeaking)

(bright playful music)

- What are you doing to me?

- [Lilith] Relax.

- Why can't I feel anything?

- I said relax!

(Paul screaming)

- What are you?

(Paul screaming)

(liquid spraying)

(Paul sputtering)

(tentacle writhing)

(Lilith groans)

(tentacle pumping)

(Paul squelches)

(tentacle pumping)

(slurping drink)

- Hey.

Hey!

(Bartender sighs)

Hey!

- Whoa, shit, whoa.

What the f*ck?

What? What? Hey.

- Time to go home.

- Okay.

- Like now.

- Okay, okay, all right,

I'm going. I'm going,

I'm out the door.

Hang on.

Hey, wait a minute.

Catalina?

Catalina, where you at?

Where you at, girl?

- Dude.

That chick left like

three hours ago,

when she went to the bathroom

and you tried to make

out with her sister.

- Whatever, whatever.

Her sister's hotter anyway.

It's fine.

- You're sad.

And I don't care.

(snaps fingers) Time to go.

- Well dude, I can't drive.

I'm f*cking wasted.

- Yeah, I know.

And I hope that there's

ice on all of the roads.

- What?

That is so mean.

- I don't care.

Come on.

- Well, you know what this is.

You over-served me.

(laughs) Bloop,

bloop, bloop, bloop.

Look at all that.

You're a criminal.

Yeah, look away, law breaker.

Look away from this crime scene

that you have committed.

So you know what

has to happen now?

You need to take me home.

- No.

- Okay.

You need to take me to a home.

Preferably your home.

You know?

Did I tell you how sexy

you're looking tonight?

I've been, I've been

looking at you all night,

just ogling, wow.

Look at that.

Wowza.

Just, just thinking of

that time, remember?

It was you and me

in the storage shed?

- Ah, gross.

No, ugh.

- You're right, that

was pretty gross.

- Look.

I'll take you to Paul's house

if you promise not to touch me.

- Deal.

(crickets chirping)

(door creaking)

Hello?

Paul?

You home?

'Cause I am. (snickers)

Car was too drunk to drive,

and then that mean

bartender lady,

she, uh, she said that

my place was too far,

so, uh, here I am.

(soft tense music)

(light switch clicking)

What are you, too broke

to afford light bulbs?

The f*ck is wrong with you?

(Shane exhaling)

Oh.

Paul!

I'm taking the last beer!

I'll get more in the morning,

so, uh, don't be

a p*ssy about it.

(Shane exhaling)

All right, Paul.

Last chance.

I'm coming up.

You better not be naked, dude.

I've had a weird

enough night as it is,

and I don't think I could stand

seeing your d*ck right now.

(tense eerie music)

(Shane laughs)

Are these panties, dude?

Are you serious?

Did you get with one of

those massage chicks?

Oh, I can't believe you did it.

Paul?

(dark tense music)

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck is this?

Oh Jesus.

Oh f*ck me.

- Not the happy ending

one would expect.

(iPhone vibrating)

Oh, I see I have a caller

who would like to

discuss this tale.

This is Nada, and you're

on "The Night Time World".

Is someone there?

- [Vampire 1]

Sorry, I was eating.

So you just hang up on people

who call you in distress?

- Who is this?

- [Vampire 1] The woman

who answered this guy's ad

to k*ll him.

Don't hang up on me.

- Why shouldn't I?

- [Vampire 1] You talk about it,

but I live in the

night time world.

I've listened to you

for quite some time,

and I thought tonight

was the perfect night

to finally call in and meet.

- All right.

Uh.

What about the other guy?

The one who called earlier,

is he there with you?

- [Caller] She's-she's

not gonna k*ll me.

She's-she's gonna let me,

she's gonna let me

live forever.

- I see.

- [Vampire 1] Let me

describe the scene here

for you and your listeners.

How's that?

- I'd rather you didn't.

- [Vampire 1] He's naked.

Very attractive.

Nice abs.

Shaved.

Even his cock and balls.

- This is not a sex line.

- [Vampire 1] A swimmer's

body, I would say.

Are you?

- [Caller] Yes.

- Can we at least

get to the part

where this guy's

gonna live forever?

- [Vampire 1] We'll get there.

But first, I'm going to

bite his cock and balls off

live on your show.

- For f*ck's sake.

- [Vampire 1] Vampires

are dead below the waist.

(caller screaming)

(static buzzes)

- Okay, good.

Well, I'm sorry to

everyone for that.

To anyone out there

who thinks that they're

gonna call in here

and hijack my show,

just take your

patronage elsewhere.

(static buzzing)

- [Vampire 1] I believe

we got disconnected.

- How are you doing this?

- [Vampire 1] You

never had a vampire

call into your show before?

Let me tell your

listeners my story.

- I don't seem to have much

of a choice in the matter.

- [Vampire 1] This guy here,

he's very much

alive, to his dismay.

You know that's why

he's crying, right?

Oh, it's not because I

orally castrated him.

- Right.

It's because you're a vampire,

and you've turned

him into a vampire.

We get it.

- [Vampire 1] Tell him

what you wanted me to do .

- [Caller] Flay-flay me .

- What?

- [Vampire 1] He's

starting to fade.

Flay.

This crazy m*therf*cker

wanted me to start

peeling off his skin.

Had all the tools to basically

dissect him bit by bit,

and record it.

Can you believe that?

- No, actually I don't.

- [Vampire 1] I answered

his ad because I'm tired

of hearing people

say they want to die.

And this guy?

It's perhaps the grossest

cry for attention

I have seen in a

very long time.

- It's the second grossest

call for attention

I've seen in a long time.

- [Vampire 1] You

have a vampire story.

Did I hear right?

- Yes, I do.

- [Vampire 1] Tell it.

Keep me company, Troy.

Oops, sorry.

Nada.

Tell them like you do,

and maybe I'll take

the fear away that

keeps you up at night.

- Is that a threat?

- [Vampire 1] Tell me a story.

- Well, I'm afraid we

may have been hacked.

I don't know how many

people are watching

or listening right now, but

the show must go on.

And so, I'd like to

tell you about Scarlet.

(dark tense music)

- Is that her?

(Craig sighs)

You should move now, then.

- Hey.

You gonna move?

- Give him a minute.

- Craig?

- Hold on.

I'm sorry.

She's gonna tear me apart.

- I can do it.

- No.

- Why not?

- She'll slaughter you.

- Craig.

- Just, do you ever wonder

how long she's been around?

How many people

like me she's offed?

- She has offed-

- I have a better shot.

- Shh!

Finish your sentence.

- You can either take action,

or you can wait for

another little Gregory.

(Craig sighs)

- Look, man.

You're the most affected

out of all of us.

And that makes you

more breakable.

- She's already expecting me.

- I can do it right

there in the street.

- No you won't.

You just sit there and

shut up til it's over.

- [Denice] Stop!

- Then what are you waiting for?

- Calm down!

One thing at a time.

(Craig exhales)

Garlic water.

(Robert sighs)

- Good luck, man.

(crickets chirping)

(soft tense music)

(soft tense music continues)

- Craig. (laughing)

- [Craig] So good to

finally meet in person.

- You look a lot handsomer

in real life. (laughing)

- Thank you.

You look like-

- Do you wanna

come back to mine?

- Yeah, sure.

- Are you shy?

- No.

- I'm shy, too.

(both chuckling)

(sensual electronic music)

(Craig grunts)

(sensual electronic

music continues)

(music intensifying)

(Craig grunts)

(Scarlet panting)

- [Craig] What are you doing?

- Is your heart always

beating that fast?

- [Craig] No.

Yeah.

I don't know.

(Scarlet laughing)

- [Scarlet] You might

wanna get that checked out.

- [Craig] Never noticed before.

No one's ever-

(soft tense music)

(both panting)

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

- [Scarlet] What?

Why?

- [Craig] What?

- Why are you so nervous?

- [Craig] I'm not.

- [Scarlet] You are.

It's okay.

Just relax.

- I'm sorry, seriously, but ...

(soft tense music continues)

(soft tense music continues)

You okay?

(tense foreboding music)

(tense foreboding

music continues)

(Craig groaning)

(Scarlet panting)

(Craig groaning)

(soft tense music)

(Craig continues groaning)

(Craig choking)

(Craig groaning)

(Craig groans)

- f*ck.

(Craig coughing)

- Shh, shh.

Shh.

(Craig choking)

- b*tch!

(Scarlet laughing)

b*tch!

(Scarlet sighs)

- I don't think

this is gonna work.

(Craig grunting)

(Scarlet shouting)

(Scarlet laughing)

By the end of tonight,

you're gonna beg me

to k*ll you! (laughs)

(shouts in foreign language)

(both shout)

(Craig coughing)

(Craig coughing)

(Scarlet exhaling)

(dark tense music)

(Craig coughs)

(crickets chirping)

(soft eerie music)

(soft eerie music continues)

- Scarlet?

Scarlet.

(Scarlet gasps)

- Shit.

You scared the hell

out of me. (laughing)

It's lovely to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- So do you wanna

come back to mine?

(dark foreboding music)

- How was that one?

My caller in the night,

did it help your

work go by faster?

(iPhone vibrating)

This is Nada, and you're

on "The Night Time World".

- [Vampire 1] I love

it when you say that.

- Is this gonna go on all night?

- [Vampire 1] You don't like me?

I thought we had a bond,

a real connection.

You've been talking

to me for years now.

- How's our boy?

- [Vampire 1] He's dead.

For a little.

He'll be up and

around tomorrow night,

and every night

after that forever.

- Look, even if

this is all true,

and he is a vampire

now, he can still die,

and so can you.

- [Vampire 1] You

mean like the movies,

or the stories you tell?

Yeah, kinda sorta.

There are some things

that can get to us,

but we're not afraid

of crosses.

We have reflections,

we don't sparkle.

We don't turn into bats or

wolves or snakes or mist.

You ever wonder why in all

those old Count Dracula movies,

the clothes transform

into the bat too?

If I could turn into a bat,

my clothes would fall off,

and when I came

back in human form,

I would be bare ass

naked, which could be fun,

watching the boys

lose their shit.

But now that sex has been

replaced by feeding for me,

I'd rather just

keep my clothes on.

We f*ck by feeding.

Did you know that?

- Is that what you

wanted to tell me?

- [Vampire 1] I just wanna talk.

He's sleeping with

the dead now.

My work here is done.

- What about sunlight?

Does that k*ll you?

- [Vampire 1] Oh, you want

to interview this vampire?

Let me guess.

Your next question

is how old am I?

- I asked because if

sunlight kills you,

then dead boy walking

can just walk outside

in the morning and k*ll himself.

- [Vampire 1] He will

not want to do that.

It's not the same kind

of death.

It's way worse.

And I'm 153, but I don't

look a day over 18.

Born, died, and reborn in

the great state of Ohio.

Go Buckeyes.

- And now, you

sleep in a coffin.

- [Vampire 1] Are

you kidding me, dude?

Would you sleep in a coffin?

No, I have a great apartment

with heavy curtains,

and a king-sized bed

with memory foam.

- So sunlight does

k*ll you, then?

There must be

something else, too,

otherwise your kind would

be overrunning the streets.

- [Vampire 1] Let me

tell you about my kind.

We are less than you think,

but more than you know.

Unlike the movies and the

morals that create them,

we understand

population control.

Vampires just don't go

around biting people

and making more vampires.

Some of our subjects

are stumped.

Look, if vampires

just made a vampire

with every bite, exponentially,

we would overpopulate

the earth in no time, wiping

out our own food supply.

We're actually an

organized race,

and frankly have

learned to cultivate

a symbiotic relationship

with humans.

Imagine that.

- And what about this guy?

You turned him.

- [Vampire 1] Oh, there

is something special

planned for him.

He's not ever going to feed.

Ever.

I 'm going to have him

sealed up somewhere,

almost "Cask of

Amontillado" like.

Ever read that Edgar

Allen Poe story?

I love it.

Seal him in and let

him hunger for eternity

because he doesn't respect

the beauty of life.

When I was alive, I had cancer.

I was the oldest daughter

in my family of 12.

My father died, and

my mother needed me.

So when I fell ill,

I wanted more life,

more time, and then one night,

my prayers were answered,

and I was turned.

And guess what?

I-I didn't go on a

bloodthirsty rampage

across the countryside.

No vampire hunters came for me.

I fed on livestock at first,

and then vagrants,

and backwoods yokels.

I never took too much.

Not enough to turn them,

but just enough to make them

feel tired all the time.

I raised my siblings,

and I put my mother

into the ground

with natural causes.

- You're quite the humanitarian.

- [Vampire 1] Think

what you will.

When I hear of people who want

to throw their lives away,

it pisses me off.

- So that gives you the right

to do whatever you want?

To t*rture people?

You wanted to live,

and you got to live.

This guy wants to

die, and you're taking

that away from him.

- [Vampire 1] Tell me a story.

Another vampire story.

- Are people able to listen?

- [Vampire 1] Nada,

tell me a story.

(Vampire sighs)

(dark tense music)

(dark tense music continues)

- [Vampire 2] A man once

said the blood is the life.

Greater words have

never been more true

from someone that

does not exist.

My name no longer matters .

And my blood will be my death.

I have a sickness.

A rare blood disease.

I will be remembered as a hero

for changing the

world through my work.

I will be remembered

as the villain

for the exact same.

So different.

Yet there's one thing both

hero and villain share.

Death.

But I'm going to defy it .

I'm going to cure it.

Lab results number 101

show a perfect bond

of my DNA and of

desmodus rotundus.

The vampire bat.

Death.

I am going to defy it.

I'm going to cure it.

So in a world of heroes,

in a world of villains,

what am I?

(dark dramatic music)

Eight days.

Eight days with nothing.

Years ago, I created a cure.

Years ago, I created my curse.

A man into myth.

And like the myth,

I hunger for blood.

Clean blood.

Not innocent blood.

- Hey, you got a light?

Hi?

Do you have a light?

- No.

- (scoffs) Was I an

idiot for even asking?

Are you just like every

as*h*le in the city?

- No.

- Is no the only word you know?

- No.

- So what, are you on some

kind of creepy night stroll,

or do you just prefer

to listen to music

from the outside?

- Music?

I prefer it when

someone actually sings.

That-

- (scoffs) Apparently you need

a crash course in good music,

because that was-

- Why are you talking to me?

- I don't know.

Guy walking around

alone at one a.m.

Seems like something

you could use.

- I don't.

- Well I do.

You wanna court me, and go

find a light for this thing?

- You shouldn't smoke.

It's bad for your blood.

- Hey, I thought you said

you weren't an as*h*le.

- [Vampire 2] A friend.

A luxury I can't have.

Not with the hunger.

(dark tense music)

(dark tense music continues)

- Nice masks.

Both of you, very nice.

(elevator dings)

(soft tense music)

- Is this the guy?

- (snickering) f*ck.

- f*ck. (laughing)

- f*cking kidding me.

- f*ck.

- No f*cking way.

- f*ck.

- Hey!

Cute coat!

(thug 1 laughing)

Get him!

- Okay.

(dark tense music)

- Hey!

Do it!

(thug 1 grunts)

(blood spurts)

(thug 1 groaning)

(thug 2 grunting)

(thug 2 yelps)

(blood spurting)

(thug 2 shrieks)

(thug 2 choking)

(blade clatters)

(dark tense music)

(both grunting)

(thug 3 screams)

(blade whooshes)

(thug 3 grunting)

(blade clatters)

(tense dramatic rock music)

(all grunting)

(blows landing)

(thug 3 yelps)

(blow landing)

(thug 3 grunts)

(blade whooshes)

(blood gushes)

(thug 4 screams)

(vampire growls)

(blow lands)

(thug 4 grunts)

(blow lands)

(thug 4 grunts)

(thug 4 yelping)

(thug 4 yelps)

(door clattering)

- Hey, pal.

What's going on?

- Just let her go.

- I don't see that

happening any time soon.

Do you have any idea, any idea,

how hard it is to

catch the undead?

Do you?

- I'm alive.

- Okay, all right.

Here, listen.

Werewolves, ugly, smelly, dead.

Witches?

Ugly, smelly, dead.

You, the undead,

about to be dead.

- I'm alive.

- Not for long, you're not.

(dark dramatic music)

(Hunter groaning)

- I'm the only one

that knows some shit.

(heads crashing)

(both grunting)

(blows landing)

(both grunting)

(both groaning)

(vampire crashes)

(kick lands)

(both grunting)

(tense foreboding music)

- Oh see, there's a

mark on me, buddy.

You see, I got these.

Sorry, can't hypnotize me.

(punches landing)

(vampire grunting)

(chains rattling)

Dad gave me this knife.

He k*lled a lot of

undead ugly m*therf*ckers

with this knife now.

Now, I'm gonna add

you to the list.

(blade squelching)

(both grunt)

Why won't you die?

(vampire growling)

(Hunter grunting)

- Well, here's the

thing about me dying.

(blade squelches)

(Hunter yelling)

It tends to happen a lot.

(vampire roaring)

(blood splatters)

(witch crying)

I'm sorry for the blood.

- That's okay.

I love the carnage.

- [Vampire 1] If you could

live forever, would you?

You'll never get sick.

You'll stop aging.

You'll live until the

sun finally goes nova,

and fries this

globe into a cinder.

- I never thought

about it that way.

- [Vampire 1] You have

to consider everything.

Can you k*ll to survive?

There is the blood thing.

- Are we talking

about turning me

into a vampire now?

- [Vampire 1]

You're not a k*ller.

So you'll have to get creative.

I'll give you an example.

One of us that I

know, she's a nurse,

and she will nip

at the terminal,

anemic patients, but,

and this is the brilliant part,

she simply helps

herself to blood supply

of the hospital she works in.

It's a pain because she

has to keep moving around,

and she's gone to nursing

school, like, eight times.

But she claims that

she hasn't had to k*ll

a single mortal

in over 50 years.

Not bad, right?

- Okay.

- [Vampire 1] What does

your audience think?

This has to be good

for ratings, right?

Should they vote?

Should Nada be turned

or stay mortal?

What do you think, "Night

Time World" listeners?

- How do I know that

you won't seal me up

in a crypt for eternity?

- [Vampire 1]

Because I like you.

You respect life.

I think you would seize the

opportunities afforded you.

Consider the ability to

pay it forward to people

who can't fight like we can.

I've k*lled pedophiles,

serial K*llers,

been an avenging

angel for some people.

- Judge, jury, and executioner.

- [Vampire 1] Spin

it however you like.

But I'm not ashamed.

I've done some good .

- Maybe you have.

And how do you

reconcile all the evil,

terrible things that you've done

with a few good deeds?

- [Vampire 1] You believe

you're really talking

to a vampire?

(Nada clears throat)

- The story.

- [Vampire 1] Yes,

the last story.

Tell me the last story please.

I've got to get

this guy moved soon

and tend to one more thing

before the night shift is over.

- This story is about justice.

Atonement.

- [Vampire 1] Is it now?

Thrill me.

One more story

before bed, please?

(dark tense music)

(dark tense music continues)

(Nico gasps)

(pulse thumping)

- What the f*ck?

(Nico grunting)

Hey!

Hello?

Hey!

Is anybody out there?

- Quiet down!

- What is this?

- You're pulling that bullshit?

I don't care how high you were.

Doesn't change what you did.

- Okay man, I,

officer.

I swear.

I didn't do anything.

- So you don't remember

when you k*lled

an innocent man?

That doesn't ring any bells?

- I what?

- Officer Blake was a good man.

A friend.

And now the thug

who m*rder*d him

won't even say he remembers.

You know who does remember?

His family.

A little girl who's never

gonna see her dad again.

- There's gotta

be a mix-up here.

- I'll just call

up his wife and kid

and tell him it was

all just a big mistake.

- Hey!

Hey, wait!

Wait!

Don't I get a call

or a lawyer, right?

I would like my phone call.

- Right.

Turn around.

Stick your hands

through the bars

and interlock your fingers.

(handcuffs clinking)

Step back to the far wall.

(door clanging)

(blow lands)

(Nico yelps)

There's your phone

call, as*h*le.

Nothing that the

courts can hang on you

matches what you deserve.

(dark tense music)

(dark tense music continues)

(voice whispering)

Want another phone call?

I could lend you

another quarter.

- Man, you can't do this.

I'll press charges!

- Might be a technical error

with the security footage.

Our budget being what it is.

Things like that

are bound to happen.

I wouldn't get too

comfortable there, boy.

I'm afraid-

- How'd he die?

What'd you see?

- You tell me, freak.

You got f*cked outta your

mind on PCP or something.

Nearly turned him inside out.

- No.

I-I didn't do that.

And I-I've never taken PCP.

- Bath salts, PCP, whatever.

Still gonna say

you don't remember?

- No, I-I remember him.

But I was,

I was shot!

I got shot!

I swear.

- That was Blake's

blood you were wearing.

- No, I swear!

I was shot!

Go get the shirt!

It's still got the b*llet holes!

- Keep your back to me

and approach the bars.

- No, listen to me!

- Get over here!

(dark tense music)

(blow lands)

(Nico screaming)

- I burned that f*cking

shirt, cop k*ller.

(dark tense music continues)

You want some more?

- Maybe I do.

- You best calm down, boy.

- You keep pulling that

schoolyard bully shit,

gotta figure one day there'll

be some consequences.

- Back the f*ck up!

- You know I didn't

k*ll your friend Blake.

But I did watch him bleed

all that pretty blood.

(taser clicking)

(Nico crashes)

(pulse thumping)

- This is Blake.

Outside 1302 West 3rd Street.

No side of any-

(man screaming)

(b*ll*ts firing)

Possible 217 in progress.

Requesting backup.

- [Dispatcher]

Backup is en route.

Officer is in need

of assistance.

All units respond.

- This is the police.

Make yourselves known.

- Hey!

(g*nshots firing)

- [911 Operator] 911, what's

the nature of your emergency?

911-

(cellphone beep s)

- Shit.

- [Stranger] Uninspiring,

as last words go.

(dark tense music)

(skin sizzling)

(Officer Truman sighs)

- What the f*ck?

(tense foreboding music)

Get back in that cell.

Now.

Don't make me do this, boy.

Get back in that cell!

(g*nshots firing)

(Nico crashes)

(Officer Truman exhaling)

f*ck.

(soft tense music)

(soft tense music continues)

(dark tense music)

(pulse thumping)

I'd have only taken

what I needed,

but they saw fit to

spill all of your blood.

It's perverse.

But you will educate

them, I expect.

(both growling)

(voice whispers)

(thumping fades)

(footsteps approach)

(Officer Truman sighing)

(dial tone buzzing)

(buttons beeping)

(call ringing)

- [Chief] Police chief.

(dark dramatic music)

(Nico growls)

- I admit I'm hungry.

But I think I can do better

than pig's blood.

Go on, little pig.

Go hide in your house of stone.

(soft tense music continues)

- [Chief] Hello?

Anyone there?

(keys clacking)

(soft tense music continues)

(soft tense music continues)

- [Stranger] Once upon a time,

there will three little pigs

who felt no obligation

to share their world

with the wolf.

They called him big and bad,

and taught the other

pigs to fear him

and all his kind.

They were hateful to him,

and threw his family in cages.

The next part of the story

I am sure you have heard,

but you will soon

learn the true ending.

One day, the wolf's

anger became so strong

that not even a house

of brick and stone

could thwart him.

(bat squeaks)

(wings flap)

- And that brings us to the end

of another episode of

"The Night Time World".

I hope that you have

enjoyed our time together

as much as I have.

If so, please

consider subscribing

and give us a rating

on the platform

on which you are watching this.

Thank you, and we'll

see you next time

on "The Night Time World".

(Nada sighs)

(static buzzing)

Hello?

- [Vampire 1 ] I was

thinking as you told

that indictment story,

I've come to a decision.

- A decision about what?

- [Vampire 1] I'm not

going to seal him up

and starve him.

- Good.

- [Vampire 1] He has such

beautiful huge windows

in his apartment.

It's what he wanted, right?

Why am I going to waste

such a gift on him?

Even if it tortures him,

punishes him for his ignorance.

- Listen, the podcast is over.

There's nobody listening,

there's nobody watching.

Like, it's done.

Thank you, I-I appreciate

what you tried to do tonight,

but it's time to go to bed now.

- [Vampire 1] I have one

more stop before bed.

- Where?

(knocking at door)

- You gonna stay on

the phone all night,

or let me in?

Another gift.

(soft tense music)

(knocking at door)

(soft tense music continues)

(soft tense music continues)

(unlocks door)

(door creaking)

Let's change your life.

(dark dramatic music)

(dark dramatic music continues)

(dark dramatic music continues)

(dark dramatic music continues)

(music ends)
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