BY: ROBERT HOLMES
Part One
Original Air Date: 8 March 1984
Running time: 24:33
PERI (OOV.): The tide's out.
DOCTOR (OOV.): Hmm?
PERI (OOV.): When you said sand, I thought maybe I could take a dip.
DOCTOR (OOV.): You're a little late, Peri. It's about a billion years since there was any sea on Androzani Minor.
PERI (OOV.): You're such a pain, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Come on. Well, well, well. The old place hasn't changed at all. Still nothing but sand.
PERI: Oh, wow! This place, Doctor, it's just unbelievable! Doctor, look!
DOCTOR: What?
PERI: Glass.
DOCTOR: Almost, anyway. It's fused silica. And I'm not a pain. Here's some more. Now, why would anyone come here?
PERI: Who said they have?
DOCTOR: These patches were fused by the rocket pads of a spacecraft. Too small for interstellar travel, so it obviously came from the twin planet of Androzani Major. The interesting question is, why?
PERI: Maybe someone wanted some sand to make some glass so they could blow a new vacuum tube for their reticular vector gauge.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Sarcasm is not your strong point, Peri. If I were you I'd stick. Ah-ha! What have we here?
PERI: Ah-ha? I'm looking. Why am I looking?
DOCTOR: A monoskid. You can see the deep furrow where it left the ship then the shallower one when it returned.
PERI: Or vice versa.
DOCTOR: No, no, no. You can see where the light track sometimes crosses the heavy one. So, someone came here with a heavily laden monoskid, unloaded it somewhere and then returned to the ship.
PERI: So you got a merit badge in tracking when you were a boy scout. I'm suitably impressed. Can we go now?
DOCTOR: Er, one moment. Looks as if the tracks lead to those caves over there.
PERI: Is this wise, I ask myself? Oh well.
DOCTOR: Ah, blow holes.
PERI: What?
DOCTOR: Now we're near you can see they're not caves, they're blow holes.
PERI: Well, same difference.
DOCTOR: Not to a speleologist. And not if you're stuck in one of those things at high tide.
PERI: High tide? I thought you said that
DOCTOR: It's a figure of speech. You see, the core of this planet is superheated primeval mud. When its orbit takes it close to Androzani Major, the gravitational pull
PERI: Oh, I get the picture. Mud baths for everyone. Well, it's a change from lava.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Presumably why the planet was never colonised. Androzani Major was becoming quite developed the last time I passed this way.
PERI: When was that?
DOCTOR: I don't remember. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the future.
PERI: You're a very confusing person to be with, Doctor, you know that?
DOCTOR: I tried keeping a diary once. Not chronological, of course, but the trouble with time travel is one never seems to find the time.
PERI: Where's the light coming from?
DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, natural phosphorescence. There's a crystalline material in these walls. It's polished smooth as glass.
PERI: Which reminds me why we came here, and it wasn't to go Argh!
DOCTOR: Be careful not to slip. Oh.
DOCTOR: Keep still. All right, give me your hand. Come on, up.
PERI: It's horrid. What is it?
DOCTOR: It's not edible, by the smell of it. It's probably quite harmless.
PERI: It's stinging.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, don't fall into any more, hmm?
PERI: Doctor, why do you wear a stick of celery in your lapel?
DOCTOR: Does it offend you?
PERI: No, I'm just curious.
DOCTOR: Safety precaution. I'm allergic to certain gases in the praxis range of the spectrum.
PERI: How does the celery help?
DOCTOR: If the gas is present, the celery turns purple.
PERI: And then what do you do?
DOCTOR: I eat the celery. If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.
KRELPER: The dummies should have been here yesterday.
STOTZ: The last time we made a drop, we had to wait three days. So what? It sure beats picking chacaws.
KRELPER: Chacaws. I don't pick chacaws, Stotz. I've never been confined, and you know why? Cos I'm smart.
STOTZ: You, smart? Krelper, the wind whistles through your ears.
KRELPER: Yeah?
STOTZ: Someone's coming.
KRELPER: Should be the droids. Come on, belt plates.
STOTZ: Krelper, it could also be the army. Let's move out of here.
KRELPER: Come on!
PERI: End of trail.
DOCTOR: Gas carbines.
PERI: Bombs.
DOCTOR: Poison volatisers. Nasty little objects, aren't they. There are enough hand weapons here to equip a small army.
PERI: What do you make of it? You said nobody lives here.
DOCTOR: I was wrong. This dice is still warm.
PERI: Listen.
DOCTOR: Boots coming this way. Quickly, over here.
PERI: Now what do we do?
DOCTOR: Surrender.
CHELLAK: Yes?
SALATEEN: A message from Captain Rones, sir. His men have just taken two g*n runners.
CHELLAK: Good. Good. That's excellent. Well done Rones, eh? He's B group, I think.
SALATEEN: Yes, sir.
CHELLAK: High time we had some success. Did they resist?
SALATEEN: Apparently not. The patrol also captured a dump of gas weapons.
CHELLAK: Gas?
SALATEEN: Rones suspects there are other runners in the area. He wants to know if he should set up an ambush.
CHELLAK: I think it's more important we should seize these weapons, Major Salateen.
SALATEEN: Very good, sir.
CHELLAK: If Sharaz Jek gets his hands on gas weapons, we'll be in a devil of a stew. Could pin our fellows down for weeks.
SALATEEN: We have gas suits in the stores, General.
CHELLAK: A bad design. I've always said so. A few hours in one of those things, you start to cook. Still, better have them checked ready for issue.
SALATEEN: It's being done, sir.
CHELLAK: Ahead of me as usual, eh, Salateen. What about these prisoners?
TIMMIN: Yes, sir?
MORGUS: Timmin, copper output has risen by thirteen percent. That should not have occurred.
TIMMIN: Head of Minerals sent out a limiting order last month, sir.
MORGUS: Too little, too late. Tell him to fly out immediately to our Northcawl mine. I want a feasibility study on the possibility of closure.
TIMMIN: Yes, sir.
MORGUS: That is all, Krau.
TIMMIN: There has been a message from General Chellak, sir.
MORGUS: Yes?
TIMMIN: The General wishes to inform you that his men have captured two g*n runners and intercepted an arms delivery to the android rebels.
MORGUS: Ah, taken two runners alive? Get me Chellak on vision.
TIMMIN: Yes, sir.
MORGUS: The spineless cretins.
STOTZ: They're beginning to move the stuff out. Now men, if we double round, we can cut them off here.
KRELPER: How many?
STOTZ: Ten, maybe a dozen. Come on, let's fumigate some squaddies.
CHELLAK: The survey team were charting Blue level, weren't they? Did anyone see anything?
SALATEEN: Apparently not, sir. They heard Trooper Boze cry out and ran back, but it was like the others. The thing hadn't left much of him.
CHELLAK: That's five men now. Always on Blue level. If we had the time and the manpower, I'd send a squad down there to find it and destroy it.
SALATEEN: Nice trophy for the mess, sir.
CHELLAK: Yes.
TROOPER: Stand there.
DOCTOR: Couldn't we have a chair? It's been a rather strenuous day.
CHELLAK: You will stand there until I've finished with you, and when you address me, you will call me sir.
DOCTOR: May I ask who you are, sir?
CHELLAK: I am General Chellak, Commander of all Federal forces on this planet.
DOCTOR: Well done, sir. I suppose you started in the ranks.
CHELLAK: Under emergency regulations, anyone caught supplying arms to the android rebels faces summary execution.
PERI: But, but, we weren't supplying arms. We were, well, we just found them.
DOCTOR: Sir.
PERI: Sir.
CHELLAK: If you cooperate, I'm prepared to extend clemency. If you don't cooperate, you'll be sh*t. Is that clear?
DOCTOR: Couldn't put it more plainly. Exactly how do we cooperate?
PERI: Sir.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
CHELLAK: Do not provoke me.
DOCTOR: Sorry.
CHELLAK: I want to know your names and the names of your confederates. I want full details of all armaments deliveries, where and how they are brought in, who supplies them back on Major, and what your communication arrangements are with Sharaz Jek.
DOCTOR: Well, I am generally known as the Doctor. My young friend here is known as Peri, that is, Perpegillium Brown.
CHELLAK: Don't waste my time.
DOCTOR: You know, if we could just sit down and talk about this little misunderstanding in a civilised manner. My young friend here has been complaining of pains in her legs. You can see for yourself she's suffering from some sort of urticaria.
CHELLAK: Silence.
DOCTOR: Come to that, I don't feel too well myself.
CHELLAK: Yes?
TROOPER (OOV.): Signals, sir. Trau Morgus is on Vid. He wants to speak to you immediately, General.
CHELLAK: I'll take it. Put them in there.
PERI: I don't think he likes us very much.
MORGUS: Take my private lift and make sure you're not seen on the way out. Remember, I want the operation at Northcawl to be completed by the morning.
MAN: Yes, Trau.
MORGUS: The g*n runners. What information have you obtained?
CHELLAK (on screen): Nothing as yet, only their names, sir.
MORGUS: What are their names?
CHELLAK (on screen): One calls himself the Doctor, the girl's name is Peri.
MORGUS: A girl? Bring them to the screen.
CHELLAK (on screen): I've only just begun the interrogation. I hope to get enough out of these two to be able to round up the rest of the g*ng.
MORGUS: I hope so too, General, for your sake. Your operation so far has been a dismal failure.
CHELLAK (on screen): With respect, sir, I don't believe you fully understand the difficulty of the conditions here.
MORGUS: All I understand is you're supposed to be trained soldiers, and yet one renegade and a handful of mindless androids has been dancing rings round you for six months.
CHELLAK (on screen): I might remind you we captured the Spectrox refinery in our first as*ault.
MORGUS: And allowed Sharaz Jek to spirit away the entire stockpile from under our noses. I warn you, General. People here are in no mood to tolerate your blundering much longer.
CHELLAK (OOV.): I will not accept criticism from a civilian, no matter how rich and powerful he is. The captives are here.
DOCTOR (OOV.): Tempers getting a little frayed, are they?
MORGUS (on monitor): Obviously you are the one who calls himself the Doctor.
DOCTOR (on monitor): And you are?
MORGUS (on monitor): Chief Director of the Sirius Conglomerate.
JEK: Beautiful.
DOCTOR (on monitor): And we are to address you as sir?
MORGUS: Better if you do not address me at all. I merely wish to inspect you, to see the kind of creatures capable of betraying the golden vision of our glorious pioneers. Already I feel contaminated. Get rid of them.
MORGUS: You have done well, General. I apologise if my earlier remarks seemed intemperate. It's just the frustration I feel here when I long to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. All right minded people feel the same. And so to boost morale, I will arrange for the execution.
CHELLAK (on screen): But I've already told them their lives will be spared if they collaborate.
MORGUS: No collaboration, General. No deals with traitors. The public will not stand for it.
CHELLAK (on screen): If they're sh*t out of hand, we lose the chance of valuable information.
MORGUS: That may be true, but it is not of prime importance. These people are the lowest type of human being. One only has to look at them to realise the extent of their depravity. Get rid of them, General.
MORGUS: And we shall all feel a lot better.
KRELPER: Here they come.
STOTZ: Masks.
STOTZ: Now!
STOTZ: Quick. Come on.
CHELLAK: You heard Morgus. He wants you ex*cuted.
PERI: That's barbaric.
DOCTOR: You take orders from a civilian? Weren't you telling us you command Federal forces here?
CHELLAK: I could appeal the order, but it'd be pointless. Morgus has the Praesidium in his pocket.
DOCTOR: We're quite innocent, you know. This is all a mistake.
CHELLAK: Yes, I think I'm beginning to believe you, Doctor, but in times of w*r the innocent die too.
PERI: Is that all you can say? We're about to be k*lled
SALATEEN: Message from Captain Rones, sir. His men are under gas att*ck.
CHELLAK: Where?
SALATEEN: They were ambushed in the narrows.
CHELLAK: That's barely six hundred metres from here! Muster HQ platoon.
SALATEEN: They're falling in now, sir.
CHELLAK: I'll take them out. These two, detention cells, and get them ready for execution.
SALATEEN: You have heard of death under the red cloth?
DOCTOR: Afraid not.
SALATEEN: It is a m*llitary procedure. After death, your bodies are taken to the Field Cremation Unit. Your ashes are wrapped in the red cloth of execution and will be disposed of according to your directions.
DOCTOR: Doesn't sound any more enticing than any other form of death.
SALATEEN: Place these two in detention.
MORGUS: I think I have made the right decision. I only wish the execution could be made public.
TIMMIN: That is impossible, sir.
MORGUS: I know, but think of the prestige it would bring the Conglomerate. To witness the punishment of wrong-doers is excellent moral reinforcement, don't you agree?
TIMMIN: Oh yes, sir.
MORGUS: Now, what else is there?
TIMMIN: The President is coming to see you at five, Trau Morgus.
MORGUS: Ah, yes. Take ten centilitres of Spectrox from my private stock. Even his Excellency cannot expect more than ten centilitres in these difficult times.
STOTZ: Right, men, move it!
STOTZ: Quick, come on!
CHELLAK: Every last man. They k*lled the whole patrol. Check the other areas are free of gas and get the stretcher parties down here.
DOCTOR: There was something very funny about that Major.
PERI: Didn't make me laugh.
DOCTOR: Chellak said they were fighting android rebels.
PERI: Who cares who they're fighting. We seem to be the fall guys.
DOCTOR: Yes, do try and speak English, Peri, hmm?
PERI: Doctor, we've got about an hour to live. That Morgus wants us dead.
DOCTOR: Yes, that's another odd thing. He had us paraded up and down in front of him, then once he'd seen us he seemed to lose all interest. I find that rather insulting.
PERI: I can take an insult. I, I just don't want to be sh*t. Doctor, what are we going to do?
DOCTOR: I've really no idea. I'm sorry I got you into this, Peri.
PERI: It's all right. It wasn't your fault. I mean, it's as much my fault as yours.
DOCTOR: Yes, I should never have followed those tracks. Curiosity's always been my downfall. How's your rash, by the way?
PERI: It seems to be coming out in blisters now.
DOCTOR: Me too. That fungus obviously had some very toxic properties.
PERI: Well, I don't suppose we'll die of it inside the next hour.
PERI: Anything interesting?
DOCTOR: No. It's like a graveyard.
JEK: Base defence group numbers four and nine, report to me. That is all.
JEK: Stotz must have had a good day.
DOCTOR: Morgus said that Spectrox was the most valuable substance in the universe. I wonder what it can be?
PERI: I thought you knew everything.
DOCTOR: Ah, not quite. It's going to worry me until I find out what it is.
PERI: I don't think you need worry for very long. They seem to be about ready for us.
PRESIDENT: Ah. Morgus, I can't thank you enough.
MORGUS: My pleasure, Trau President. How much do you take?
PRESIDENT: My apothecary recommends point three of a centilitre per day. I've been without for three weeks now and have begun to feel my age.
MORGUS: It is a wonderful restorative.
PRESIDENT: The greatest boon ever bestowed on humanity, offering us at least twice normal lifespan. Would you think I was eighty four?
MORGUS: Fifty, at the most.
PRESIDENT: Quite. That is why this w*r must be brought to a conclusion soon, Morgus, one way or another.
MORGUS: There is only one honourable way, sir. Sharaz Jek must be crushed.
PRESIDENT: Of course. But our forces are making such poor progress and meanwhile people here are clamouring for supplies of Spectrox to be resumed. It's understandable.
MORGUS: That is the razor's edge Jek is holding to our throats, but we cannot accede to criminal blackmail.
PRESIDENT: My dear Morgus, I agree entirely, but we are forced to see the matter from different viewpoints.
MORGUS: Patriotism is the only viewpoint.
PRESIDENT: A businessman's patriotism may differ from that of a politician. I am forced to take account of the mood of the people, and it is becoming ugly. Whereas you need only take account of a balance sheet, which since the market value of Spectrox has risen so astronomically, must look much healthier now than it did at the start of this conflict.
MORGUS: My Conglomerate is contributing handsomely towards the cost of operation on Androzani Minor.
PRESIDENT: Yes, the Praesidium is duly grateful, but as your Conglomerate owns that planet, it is perhaps no more than might be expected.
MORGUS: Trau President, am I to understand the Praesidium is considering ending the w*r, offering Sharaz Jek an armistice?
PRESIDENT: Not immediately. However, if the m*llitary stalemate continues. The public want their Spectrox, Morgus.
MORGUS: Yes? What is it?
TIMMIN: The execution, sir.
SALATEEN: Are you ready?
PRESIDENT: The red cloth? It's disgraceful.
MORGUS: It is a m*llitary execution, sir.
PRESIDENT: In my day we had filthy little swine like that sh*t in the back. The red cloth was for soldiers.
CHELLAK: Have you a last declaration?
DOCTOR: Nothing special. We're innocent, we've had no trial, we've had no opportunity to defend ourselves. In short, this is a mockery of justice.
CHELLAK: Do you have any last declaration?
PERI: Just get on with it.
CHELLAK: f*ring squad. f*ring position. Take aim. Fire!
`
The Doctor
Colin Baker
Peri Brown
Nicola Bryant
Sharaz Jek
Christopher Gable
Morgus
John Normington
Salateen
Robert Glenister
Stotz
Maurice Roëves
Chellak
Martin Cochrane
Krelper
Roy Holder
Timmin
Barbara Kinghorn
The President
David Neal
Soldier
Ian Staples
The Master
Anthony Ainley
Adric
Matthew Waterhouse
Nyssa
Sarah Sutton
Tegan Jovanka
Janet Fielding
Vislor Turlough
Mark Strickson
Voice of Kamelion
Gerald Flood
Assistant Floor Manager
Sue Hedden
Costumes
Andrew Rose
Designer
John Hurst
Film Cameraman
John Walker
Film Editor
Roger Guertin
Incidental Music
Roger Limb
Make-Up
John Nethercot
Shirley Stallard
Producer
John Nathan-Turner
Production Assistant
Juley Harding
Production Associate
June Collins
Script Editor
Eric Saward
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Don Babbage
Studio Sound
Scott Talbott
Theme Arrangement
Peter Howell
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Visual Effects
Jim Francis
Stuart Brisdon
Colin Baker
Peri Brown
Nicola Bryant
Sharaz Jek
Christopher Gable
Morgus
John Normington
Salateen
Robert Glenister
Stotz
Maurice Roëves
Chellak
Martin Cochrane
Krelper
Roy Holder
Timmin
Barbara Kinghorn
The President
David Neal
Soldier
Ian Staples
The Master
Anthony Ainley
Adric
Matthew Waterhouse
Nyssa
Sarah Sutton
Tegan Jovanka
Janet Fielding
Vislor Turlough
Mark Strickson
Voice of Kamelion
Gerald Flood
Assistant Floor Manager
Sue Hedden
Costumes
Andrew Rose
Designer
John Hurst
Film Cameraman
John Walker
Film Editor
Roger Guertin
Incidental Music
Roger Limb
Make-Up
John Nethercot
Shirley Stallard
Producer
John Nathan-Turner
Production Assistant
Juley Harding
Production Associate
June Collins
Script Editor
Eric Saward
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Don Babbage
Studio Sound
Scott Talbott
Theme Arrangement
Peter Howell
Title Music
Ron Grainer
Visual Effects
Jim Francis
Stuart Brisdon