02x01 - Ai Hayasaka Wants to Stave Them Off/The Student Council Has Not Achieved Nirvana/Kaguya Wants to Get Married/Kag

[bunniefuu]

I swear I'll make you say it.

"KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS w*r"

"KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS w*r" The words, "I love you."

"KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS w*r"

"AAAH!!"

"THE GENIUSES' w*r OF HEARTS AND MINDS"

"I'M AN UNWANTED CHILD!!"

"STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"

Ai Hayasaka.

Kaguya Shinomiya's personal assistant

is a pro at handling her employer's impossible demands.

I apologize for this, President.

It's all for Lady Kaguya.

How's the coffee, President?

"AI HAYASAKA WANTS TO STAVE THEM OFF" How's the coffee, President?

"AI HAYASAKA WANTS TO STAVE THEM OFF" Oh, it's as good as always.

Is that right?

I'm glad to hear it.

Decaffeinated coffee!

"SHIROGANE'S DAY" "Sleep" "Morning Study" Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.

"Go to School" "Classes" "Student Council" Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.

"Job" "Go Home" "Night Study" Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.

"CAFFEINE" If he doesn't have caffeine every three hours,

"CAFFEINE" it's as if his battery runs out.

He's a major caffeine fiend.

Without the caffeine in his coffee serving as a lifeline,

he crashes!

Goodnight, President.

Now...

...for the next step of my strategy...

Like most days, Kaguya is plotting something, but...

What's wrong?

Hayasaka,

there's been an accident.

President is...

...on my shoulder!

Ch-Change of plans!

Listen! Until I come up with the next plan, don't let a single soul enter this room!

As you wish.

The first topic of the first episode of the second season is...

Ai Hayasaka's hardships.

"MISSION: Don't let a single soul into the student council room"

I left something in there!

Lady Kaguya is in a really bad mood!

She has this murderous gleam in her eyes.

Changing people's behaviors...

To accomplish this, you need to anticipate their actions,

"FUND-RAISING PERMISSION FORM" To accomplish this, you need to anticipate their actions,

read their train of thought

"Skill: Gal Mode" and choose the appropriate intervention.

and choose the appropriate intervention.

"No one's in the student council room. It's locked. I can't finish my errands. People with free time, meet up in the library."

Here.

"NAPPING"

Has Lady Kaguya accomplished her objective?

I wouldn't expect a kiss, but perhaps his head lying on her lap.

Nothing has changed!

Today's battle result...

Kaguya wins.

This still counts!

"THAT WAS BEFORE SUMMER VACATION. AND NOW..."

Romantic advice?

Yeah, man.

It's like you're the romantic guru around here. Like Dr. Love or something.

"THE STUDENT COUNCIL HAS NOT ACHIEVED NIRVANA" That's fine, but...

"FLOP "FLIP DUDE-BRO" WIMP" Um... The thing is...

"FLOP "FLIP DUDE-BRO" WIMP" What the hell happened to you?

"PLAYA!!" You're like a sleazy player!

"PLAYA!!" Post-summer vacation!

They say you should take a close look at a boy if you haven't seen him for three days,

and the change is even more obvious after the month-long summer vacation.

--Various internal changes manifest externally.

--Before summer vacation, your hair was straight and black! --Various internal changes manifest externally.

What's this?

Well, that's related to what I want to ask you about.

All right, fine!

If you're doing a consultation, I could make myself scarce.

No, it's cool.

In fact, I want you to listen in.

So, what's the problem?

Well, it's about Nagisa again.

You know, my girlfriend.

He had to throw that in.

Aren't things going well between you two?

Going well?

What's the yardstick for that?

It's so-so, I guess.

--President, that expression doesn't say "so-so" to me. More like "smooth sailing"!

--Well, so-so, I guess I could really say "not bad"! --President, that expression doesn't say "so-so" to me. More like "smooth sailing"!

Right.

I have a sneaking suspicion...

...that he's not really here for advice but to gloat.

No, no way. I'm sure he's about to get down to business.

How can I put it?

Summer was maybe too awesome.

"I'M TELLIN' YOU..." It's like, the two of us are lovebirds,

"I'M TELLIN' YOU..." but where do we go from here?

He is just here to gloat!

Ch-Chill! What do you intend to do with that toilet paper?

So,

you're asking me how to get to the next step?

Um...

More or less, I guess.

President, I think this guy's run out of steps.

No, get out of here.

They've only been a couple for four months.

They wouldn't have gone that far.

No, I sense the divine!

It's like he's experienced nirvana!

The ABCs of Love!

It's said that it takes high school students three to six months of dating

before they go all the way to C.

Nagisa and her boyfriend had been going out for more than three months.

On top of that, they spent summer vacation together!

It was entirely possible that they experienced nirvana.

Man, summer vacation was the best!

I'm sure you enjoyed yours, too, right, President?

All I did was study and work every day.

Except at the end when the student council got together to watch fireworks.

--That's all? --That's all.

No dates with girls?

None.

Kinda sorry I asked.

"GRIT GRIT" President, what do you intend to do with that toilet paper?

President, what do you intend to do with that toilet paper?

Oh, there you are.

Oh, Nagisa.

You've got business with the student council, too?

Yeah, that's right.

I want to discuss something with Kaguya.

That's kind of erotic!

I-Idiot! That's the way you want to see her!

--I just want to talk to Kaguya.

--Those two haven't gone that far! You're overthinking it! --I just want to talk to Kaguya.

Huh? Talk to her about what?

--Then, let's investigate.

--That's a secret! --Then, let's investigate.

--Investigate?

--Tell me! --Investigate?

--Tell me! --How?

Then it wouldn't be a secret!

Oh, come on!

We have to step out for a bit. Please have a seat and wait.

Okay.

Look, a couple who's experienced nirvana will act goofy when they're alone.

Watch closely.

--O-Okay. --Excuse me.

Would you get out of the way?

Sh-Shinomiya!

What are you doing?

We're observing those two to see if they've experienced nirvana.

Those two? That far?

How does she understand it?

One in three people!

What does "nirvana" mean?

I think in this situation, it means divine deeds...

Holding hands!

--What do you say to that? --I don't know.

Couples hold hands on their first date, right?

President holds hands on a first date!

Huh?

A kiss! She kissed him!

This is nirvana, right?

Not yet!

Kissing is probably like on the third date!

The third date?

He's nibbling her neck!

--Wouldn't you say right now that they're already on their way to nirvana?

--Don't push! --Wouldn't you say right now that they're already on their way to nirvana?

No! Necking is like on the fourth date!

The fourth date?

Then, how many dates before nirvana?

Five dates!

--Shinomiya! --Kaguya!

What happ--

Gotcha!

K-Kashiwagi!

W-We were just...

Sorry.

We were just goofing on you!

We haven't yet gotten to the point that you all think we're at.

So, relax.

I-I didn't think you were...

Not yet...

Yes.

Of course.

I can't tell if it's true!

Today's battle result...

The student council loses.

I mentioned that my type was confident and wild guys, so he's trying to get there.

He's obedient like that.

"TABLETOP GAME CLUB"

"TABLETOP GAME CLUB" We made a board game at the tabletop game club!

"KAGUYA WANTS TO GET MARRIED" An original creation?

You line up the cards, with each one representing a square.

It sounds pretty interesting.

We call it the "Happy Life Game"!

"GOAL"

Let's play it together!

--No, thanks. --Pass.

Today's battle result... N/A.

I just have a bad feeling about that game.

Nothing good could come out of a game created by Fujiwara.

There's nothing to worry about! It was a group effort by everyone in the club!

Oh, come on.

I'll feel bad if she went to the trouble of making a game

and everyone refuses to play it.

I-Ishigami!

You're actually a nice guy!

I'm sorry for thinking you were a brute who beats women with logical arguments!

That's how you thought of me?

But it's your own fault for having such a beatable body.

All right, fine.

But just once.

Yay!

Board games!

A pastime with a history that can be traced back to Ancient Egypt.

The game Fujiwara and her fellow members made uses cards as squares,

but is otherwise a traditional board game

"Shuchiin Academy Tabletop Game Club Production Happy Life Game Instructions" but is otherwise a traditional board game

"Shuchiin Academy Tabletop Game Club Production Happy Life Game Instructions" in which the player who earns the most money wins.

Okay, I'll go first.

"LUCKY"

"MISFORTUNE"

"Misfortune"?

Flip over a card for the square you landed on!

A Traffic Accident card!

Roll the die once more and if it's a one.

It's a one.

Then, you d*ed, Ishigami.

What happens when I die?

It's all over. You're out of the game in last place.

I see.

Be careful, you two.

This game is crap.

--You realized too late. --You were just unlucky, Ishigami!

--All right, my turn...

--Please show me the rule book. --All right, my turn...

Here.

It says "After School Event."

With this event, you choose to hang out after school, or go home and study.

Okay, I'll study at home.

That shows your personality.

Then, I'll give you a Nerdy Student card, President!

"NERDY STUDENT"

"NERDY STUDENT" Are you making fun of me?

I landed on a Lucky square.

That means something lucky happens to you!

"GRIN" You were tricked by a bad guy,

but it works out when you get ten million yen from a lawsuit!

That's not lucky at all.

You get a Distrusts All Men card!

"DISTRUSTS ALL MEN" I don't want it.

When you land on a square, it's removed from the game.

That makes it easier for the players who are behind to catch up.

That's a good idea.

Incidentally, what part of the game were you in charge of?

"FINISH LINE" I thought up all of the events!

"FINISH LINE" I'm not surprised.

"FINISH LINE" You should be remorseful, not proud.

"FINISH LINE" And the game continues!

With his Nerdy Student card, Shirogane goes on to a first-rate university.

Kaguya lands on several lucky squares, so is currently in the lead with a lot of money.

They've made it past the Child Zone and are in the Adult Zone.

This game is actually more decent than I thought.

"BLAH-BLAH" It seems the students other than Fujiwara who worked on this actually thought it through.

"OUR TABLETOP GAME CLUB!!" This is where the game originated!

"GIGAKO" "MAKKY-SENHAI" "There's also a member named Fujiwara." This is where the game originated!

"MARRIAGE"

What's this?

A Marriage square.

You marry the player who's in the square closest to you.

Marriage?

Married players share the effects of the squares they land on.

President is getting married? T-To whom?

I'm closest to him!

President and I got married!

President...

...got married!

--I-I have to calm down! --Could you give me some room?

--Th-This is only a game! --You're so bashful!

I can't confuse this with reality!

"HAPPY GAME LIFE RULES" Oh, the other players have to give the newlyweds

"HAPPY GAME LIFE RULES" , yen as a wedding gift.

Not real money.

The company I founded is a success.

"ENTREPRENEURIAL SUCCESS"

"ENTREPRENEURIAL SUCCESS" I get ten million yen. Yay, I'm so lucky.

A Birth square!

We have a kid!

A kid?

"HEH HEH" I became a teen mom!

"HEH HEH" The required gift is , yen.

Please put away your real money.

My company is listed...

"FIRST SECTION LISTED" ...in the first section of the stock exchange.

"FIRST SECTION LISTED" Oh, how lucky is that!

And then, the players move into the Old Age Zone.

We have a whole brood!

" KIDS" We have a whole brood!

" KIDS" President, you've got too much energy.

" KIDS" It's not my fault!

You're doing great, Kaguya!

You're the president of a global corporation!

You're a major success!

That's right.

I haven't made any missteps.

And yet, what's this emptiness I feel?

"DECREPIT" I'm single, even as an elderly woman.

I have plenty of money, but I'm not happy.

What was the point of my life?

Late Divorce square!

I discover my husband cheated on me!

We get a divorce!

You're a scumbag, President.

This is only a game!

" MILLION YEN" Incidentally, the husband has to pay million yen per kid for child support.

" MILLION YEN" " MILLION YEN"

You're k*lling me!

Oh my.

How cute.

You're that happy when someone's suffering?

Well, my turn.

"MARRIAGE" H-Huh?

A Marriage square?

The player closest to me is President!

Then...

P-President and I are...

Shinomiya and I are...

--...married? --...married?

Wait a second.

Shinomiya has a Distrusts All Men card,

so she can't get married!

What happens then?

Um, the next closest player...

You marry Fujiwara!

Wait!

"SPONGY SPONGY" Kaguya, let's live happily ever after!

"BIRTH"

"BIRTH" I landed on a Birth square.

We have a child!

How did that happen?

Another Birth square!

We're spry for our age!

And then...

The finish line.

Game over!

"st place: KAGUYA, ,,, yen" "nd place: FUJIWARA, ,, yen" "rd place: SHIROGANE, ,, yen" "th place: THE LATE ISHIGAMI, yen"

"st place: KAGUYA, ,,, yen" "nd place: FUJIWARA, ,, yen" "rd place: SHIROGANE, ,, yen" So,

Kaguya is the winner of the Happy Life Game!

I don't have any happy memories whatsoever.

--Late divorce, child support, lawsuit payout, loss of trust...

--Wasn't that fun? --Late divorce, child support, lawsuit payout, loss of trust...

--Let's play again! --Late divorce, child support, lawsuit payout, loss of trust...

--Never again. --No way.

Why?

I actually enjoyed it.

Lesson...

If you marry Fujiwara, it will drive you to depression.

You should really give the game a total debugging before having people play it.

Okay.

Right now, the game relies too much on luck,

--but one workaround would be being able to pool one roll of the die

--Okay. --but one workaround would be being able to pool one roll of the die

--to increase the ability to strategize. Also, do away with the sudden death element...

--Okay. --to increase the ability to strategize. Also, do away with the sudden death element...

"ABOUT YEAR EARLIER"

You had a birthday recently, didn't you, President?

Oh, was that my birthday?

Did you forget?

"KAGUYA WANTS TO CELEBRATE" I haven't celebrated it in years. It's no different than any other day.

Unless you're telling me you'll celebrate it next year...

As if.

There's not a snowball's chance in hell.

Four more days until President's birthday!

After what I said last year, it's hard to bring it up now!

Jeez!

Eiffel Tower!

It's like all I can think about is celebrating President's birthday!

--It's not like I have to do anything for his birthday!

--D-Diamond! --It's not like I have to do anything for his birthday!

Birthday! A special day that only comes around once a year.

But owing to financial circumstances,

Shirogane has no special feelings about his birthday and won't even bring it up.

Unless someone said something, Shirogane's birthday would pass by unnoticed.

Kaguya, are you troubled about something?

Well, I guess you could say that.

In that case...

"FIVE MINUTES LATER"

"TA-DA" Fortune Teller Chika will read your fortune, Kaguya!

Fortune?

Yes!

All you have to do is put your sex and birthdate onto this site,

"BIRTHDAY FORTUNE" and it'll solve any problem you have!

"BIRTHDAY FORTUNE" You're just relying on an app.

--In the first place, what can sex and birthdate tell you...

--Here you go! --In the first place, what can sex and birthdate tell you...

Birthdate?

This seems interesting.

Let's all do it.

Yay!

My birthday is January st.

I'm a New Year's baby.

Um, born on January st...

"You're like an Alexandrite.

Like the gem named after a king,

you have a noble character and are full of pride.

Moreover, just as this stone has the rare trait of appearing red or blue at times,

sometimes you are an angel and sometimes a demon.

--If you throw away your pride and be honest about your feelings,

--When she's full of pride... --If you throw away your pride and be honest about your feelings,

--When she's full of pride... --happiness will come to you." That's what it says!

...she's a demon!

Did you say something?

No!

That was totally off.

"SHIVER SHIVER"

Miss Fujiwara, I believe your birthday is on...

March rd, Girls' Day!

"You're like the flame of a candle.

You light up your surroundings and your heat slowly melts ice.

That symbolizes dedication and affection.

If you continue to pour love into everything you do, your wish will come true."

"HEH HEH" That's what it says!

Dedication? Affection?

I don't know that person. Are they sure it's not meant to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?

My birthday is also March rd.

Why would you do that, you halfwit?

Why are you angry?

When they celebrate mine, they'll have to celebrate for you at the same time!

Celebrating both of us together takes away my specialness, you idiot!

--Fujiwara, I'm not sensing any dedication or affection here.

--In the end, horoscopes like that are no more than the Barnum effect, --Fujiwara, I'm not sensing any dedication or affection here.

--saying words that hint at a deeper meaning --Are you sure it's not supposed to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?

"PERSONAL OPINION" --saying words that hint at a deeper meaning --Are you sure it's not supposed to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?

--which the listener conveniently interprets to solve the problem. --Are you sure it's not supposed to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?

--which the listener conveniently interprets to solve the problem. --Raaar! Graaar!

--But I'll still use it here. --Wh-What's "Raaar! Graaar"?

Raaar! Graaar!

You're next, President.

Tell me your birth--

I'm not interested.

Horoscopes are no more than the Barnum effect,

"PERSONAL OPINION" saying words that hint at a deeper meaning which the listener conveniently interprets.

N-No! That's not true!

For example, feng shui incorporates elements of architecture and statistics.

But we're talking birthday horoscopes, right?

Your birthday is just the day you happened to be born on.

Like there's any meaning to that?

There is! It's a special day that only comes around once a year!

I once told you and only you what day my birthday was, Shinomiya.

You have a good memory, but even you forgot something so inconsequential.

I remember!

You birthday's on September th which makes you a Virgo!

Your blood type is O and your birth weight was , grams, right?

I remember it, but...

Don't be like that!

Other than personality analysis, this can do compatibility divination!

Let's do it!

I'm not doing any of it!

Jeez!

What's with you?

When someone's trying to celebrate your birthday out of a sense of noblesse oblige!

Even though I'm sure you have no intention of celebrating my birthday, right?

"HMPH"

"HMPH" That's not true.

That's not true.

--Shirogane eagerly watches the daily horoscope on TV every morning.

--Yes! Virgo is in first place! --Shirogane eagerly watches the daily horoscope on TV every morning.

And he has Kaguya's birthday clearly marked in his date book.

To top it off, Shirogane has already checked that site.

Both the personality analysis and the compatibility divination...

"BAM" "Born on September th x Born on January st"

"Your compatibility is..." "PRETTY IFFY!!"

"YOU ARE 'PURE SILVER.'" "SURPRISINGLY MELLOW, GETS DEPRESSED EASILY..." I shouldn't have looked!

Shirogane doesn't want Shinomiya to see the results,

so he refuses to tell her his birthday.

But...

...he couldn't explain that to her, either.

I can't tell her that.

What does that mean? Is President trying to tell me something?

Maybe...

President only wants me to celebrate it?

Incorrect.

Is he in a bad mood because he thinks I've forgotten his birthday?

Wrong.

Jeez!

If that's what it is, then I have no choice.

That's not what it is.

Just the two of us celebrating his birthday would be something a couple would do!

"WRIGGLE WRIGGLE" Well, I guess he can be selfish once a year! I can give in just this once!

Shinomiya, is something wrong?

Nothing at all.

An angelic smile?

Thank you for worrying about me.

If you're ever in trouble, feel free to ask me for advice.

Repulsive!

A birthday party for Shirogane!

"TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT: KAGUYA WINS (FOR BEING IN A GOOD MOOD)" A birthday party for Shirogane!

"TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT: KAGUYA WINS (FOR BEING IN A GOOD MOOD)" Kaguya decided to have one with just the two of them!

"ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH rd BIRTHDAY) 'CANARY'" "Symbol of misfortune and sacrifice. Be careful of slips of the tongue."

"ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH rd BIRTHDAY) 'CANARY They're not going to check my fortune?

"ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH rd BIRTHDAY) 'CANARY "I'll do it myself..." They're not going to check my fortune?