Stepping Out (1931)

[bunniefuu]

- Coffee is served on the terrace, madam.
- Thanks, Barker.

Hm, fine.

Why so thoughtful?

Tom, do you realize that we've been
married nearly two whole years?

- Has it been as long as that?
- Hm-hmm.

Why, it seems only yesterday
that you were a blushing bride.

- And what blushes.
- Sorry.

Sorry? Why?

Well, you knew so many pretty women
before you met me.

You know, everyone warned me
no woman could hold you for long.

I was just wondering.

And what was she wondering?

Whether you're happy.

Hm, you smell nice.

- Love me?
- Love, you? I adore you.

Good, we'll have a nice,
cozy evening at home, hm?

Well, I'm sorry, darling,
but Tubby phoned.

Said he wanted to come over
and talk business.

Oh, bother business, I want you
all to myself tonight.

- I tell you what we'll do.
- What?

- I'll send Tubby home early.
- All right.

Is that so? All right, you win.
I won't buy another stitch of clothes.

I'll go around like Lady Godiva.

Just buy me a horse.
Will you buy me a horse?

- Are Mr. and Mrs. Martin at home?
- They're on the terrace, sir.

What are you squinting at?

Is that a new coat?

Yes, and if you say one word,
I'll scream.

- How much?
- That's two words, I can't scream.

You've got more coats
than Eve had leaves.

Now listen here, dearie,

Marion Davies got in just ahead of me
and she got the coat that I wanted.

She paid $3,500 for her coat.
I got this for two thousand.

- Two thousand?
- Uh-huh, that's what I paid for it.

You got a coat,
but you didn't get "it"

- It's a coat and I got it.
- Yes, and ever since the crash...

...I've been smoking three
for a half instead of three for a dollar.

Ever since the crash. Ever since the crash,
you're the biggest bust that I know.

Hello, dearie.

- Hello, dear.
- Hello, Sally, how are you?

- Hello, Tom.
- Hello, Tub.

- Hey, you two squabbling again?
- Yes.

Ol' Man River is getting so economical...

that I'll soon be wearing cotton stockings
and making my underwear out of flour sacks.

Well, sweetheart, I'll tell you this.

Keep on and you'll be the best-dressed
woman in the breadline.

Now, Tubby, you know you
can afford it.

Well, in times like these, I think
people should economize.

Oh, take shoes, for instance.

Not a bad looking pair.
Cost me twelve bucks.

Sally pays fifty for a pair
of shoe buckles.

You know where these buckles
are gonna buckle in a minute, don't you?

You know, Tubby, we do our best to look
attractive just to hold your interest.

You shouldn't grouch at the price.

That's right, Eve, living in Hollywood
there's too much competition.

All these beauties running around.

If a wife gets a shiny nose
or a wrinkle in her stocking,

she's sure to lose her husband.

Baby, you couldn't lose me if you tried.

No?

What did you say to Tom
the day he lent his swimming pool...

...to those Mack Sennett bathing beauties?

- What did I say?
- Tom asked you...

...if you'd seen any legs that made you
want to leave home.

And you said, "None but my wife's."

Oh, Sally!

- Oh, I didn't.
- I'll never forgive you for that cr*ck.

As if I could be interested in any
woman but my wife.

You may not have been interested,
but you've been pop-eyed ever since.

And you'd better not be interested
in any other woman.

You know what would happen
to you if you did.

Eve, there are several things I want
to talk to you about, do you mind?

- Of course not.
- I mean, one of them is very important.

Say, Tub, what do you two do
besides squabble.

We don't mean it.

Sally's a great old scout.
One in a million.

Wouldn't trade her for any
woman on earth.

He loves me.

The pill.

Oh, Sally.

You know, I wish I had my own money.
I wouldn't ask Tubby for one cent.

- I think wives ought to have a salary.
- Oh, I suppose times are hard.

You know, Tom's always complaining
about the cost of this picture...

- ...that he and Tubby are backing.
- But why pictures?

Why not stick to oil?

- A lot of it stuck to them.
- That's what I say.

You know, pictures are such a gamble.

You know, between you and me...

I think it's so they can play around...

...with the girls.

Why, Sally. Oh, that's a
dreadful thought.

Well, all that worries me is that some
sly puss will steal my meal ticket.

You know, Tubby's head isn't
screwed on any too tight.

It's more like a pin wheel.

If you know what I mean.

- Come on.
- Up the stairs.

Well, Tub, and what's this business
conference you phoned me about?

You know that little dancer
down at the studio.

- Cleo Del Rio.
- Oh, you mean the dark one?

Yeah.

Brown eyes, lashes a foot long,
and those, um...

...suffering red lips.

- Yes.
- Well, she wants me to get you,

go over to the Ambassador
tonight and, um...

...trip the heavy fantastic.

Oh, yeah? And what are you
going to do? Chaperone us?

She's got a redhead for me.

What do you say?

But I've got a wife, you poor sap.

What do you think Sally is,
my maiden aunt?

You hold the fort.
I'll give the girls a tingle.

No, wait a minute, Tubby.
Tubby, don't be silly.

- Hello?
- Hello, darling.

Oh, it's for you.

Tubby, it's no use, I'm not going!

- Tell her that I can't make it.
- Oh, tell her yourself.

Call it off if you want to.

Gee, I never saw such a guy.

All right!

- Hello.
- Oh, is that you, Mr. Martin?

Oh, I'm oh so flattered.

Just fancy your voice right in my ear.

You have such a nice voice,
so gentle and carressing.

Well, Miss Del Rio, I'm awfully sorry...

Oh, Mr. Martin, don't tell me
you can't come.

I shall just die if you don't.

Well, I...

I think you're one of the handsomest
men I've ever seen.

Well, I say. You don't really
mean that, do you?

I've watched you around the studio
and I've longed to talk to you.

Of course, you're so aloof.

Oh, please don't say you won't come.

Please come, oh, please.
Please, please, please.

Please, please, please.

Well... I'll drop in with Mr. Smith.
For a little while.

Oh, Mr. Martin, you've made
me so happy.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

- Atta boy!
- Now remember.

- I'm only doing it for you.
- Yes! I can see that, Tom.

I appreciate it, old pal.

Ah, thoughtful butler.

Yes.

Maybe a bit too thoughtful.

What are you grinning at?

Oh, not a thing, old sport,
not a thing.

Don't think I'm going to enjoy this.

Oh, I don't, I don't.

It's going to be a very dull party
as far as I'm concerned.

You'll change your mind.

As a matter of fact, I probably should
spend the evening with Eve.

Oh, you've got the rest of your life
to spend with Eve.

A little variety now and then
never hurt any man.

I like the one better about
the gooseberries.

- Oh, Sally.
- Don't tell me any more.

What are you two boys laughing about?

Nice! Hip!

Well, what are we going to do?

Go somewhere and dance, or sit here
and give the mosquitoes a treat?

Well, I don't feel very much like
going out tonight, Sally.

- I think I'll go to bed early.
- Oh, come on and dance.

There's something about that moon
out there that gives you fidgety feet.

Sorry, beautiful, but Tom and I
have to go to the studio.

A conference.

Some difficulties to iron out.

Oh, Tom!

It's a wonder you boys don't move
your beds to the studios.

Then you wouldn't have
to come home at all.

But darling, this is business.

And you know, dollars have wings.

What do you think we've got,
a ball and chain?

Now darling, be reasonable.

Oh, let them go, Sally,
we'll amuse ourselves.

Come on, come on,
let's get our hats.

Well, can you b*at that?

Well!

Well, that makes us a couple
of endurance sitters.

- Hey!
- What?

Let's walk out on them.
Give them a chance to miss us.

Leave them cold.

Hm-hmm. Maybe a little absence
would make the heart grow warmer.

- Let's go to Caliente for a week.
- Over the border?

Oh, Tom would never consent.

Consent my eye, don't ask his consent.

Yes, but Sally, isn't it dangerous?

Oh, Caliente is just as safe as any
other place, everybody goes there.

We'll take my car and Tubby's chauffeur.

He'll protect us.

I'll do the talking.

Well, we're off.

Why the coat? Where are you going?

Tubby, Eve and I have decided
that we need a change.

Change? What sort of change,
dearest?

A change of air. We're fed up
on the fogs of Hollywood.

We thought we'd ike to run out
on the desert for a week, Caliente, maybe.

But Eve, you'll be away from me
a whole week?

- Oh, you'll survive.
- When are you going?

Tonight, there's moonlight,
we'd like the ride.

Tonight? Why, I think that's
a fine idea.

What, leave for Caliente tonight?

It's ridiculous. You might get held up
by some wild bandit.

Oh, if we could only depend on that,
it would be a pleasure.

I got it. Listen, girls. Wait till tomorrow,
we can go with you.

A little desert air will do us all good.

And besides, I'd like to take a cr*ck
at the ponies myself.

Oh, but we don't want you with us.
This is a vacation.

Yes, we don't want you with us.

This is a vacation.

Eve!

Remember.

I don't like this.

It's ridiculous your starting out
for Caliente at this time of the night.

Well, there doesn't seem to be anything
doing down here.

I thought we were going to have a nice,
pleasant evening together.

But evidently business is
more important.

Perhaps when you return,
you'll have more time for me.

That's the way to talk to him, honey.

- Well, I told him.
- You told him plenty.

Yeah, yeah...

And now remember, Cleo,
be careful and don't toot the horn...

...until you're sure the wives
have gone and are out of sight.

We understand, Mr. Smith.

It won't be the first time we've
waited outside in a taxi.

Yeah, but you can't be too careful.

You know a woman named Cleo practically
ruined a man named Cesar.

And it could happen again.

All right, dear.
Hurry, won't you?

Goodbye.

Eve, I can't understand your running off
like this with a moment's notice.

Now don't be silly, Tom.

I think a vacation now and then
is a good thing for married people.

Of course, if you insist on going.

- Oh, your ear is cold.
- So is my nose, which shows I'm healthy.

- Oh, Tubby, our first separation.
- Oh, but bear up, baby, bear up.

Oh, I'll try not to break down.

- Gonna give me a kiss?
- No, no, no, I couldn't trust myself.

You know what kisses do to me.
I'll go, I'll go before I weaken.

Peters, drive over to my house first.
I want to get my w*r paint.

Well, goodbye, sweetheart,
have a good time.

Goodbye, Fatty, leave the girls alone.

There you go again. Why, I never think
of any girl but you.

You'd better not.

If I ever catch you with
another female,

you'll be in a wheelchair for the
rest of your life.

All right, Peters.

Did you get that last cr*ck of Sally's?

Gee, I hope they don't suspect us.

- Tubby, I'm not so hot for this.
- Oh, snap out of it, Tom.

- Haven't you any conscience?
- Sure, but I ignore it.

- It's the girls.
- The what?

The girls. I invited them over here
to spend the evening.

Over here?!

Why didn't you invite them
to your own home?

I never thought of that.

You make sure the servants
are out of the way.

Funny how a lot of practice a man gets.
I feel as nervous as a bride.

Go on...

Oh, isn't it nice?

Oh, it's beautiful!

Take off your coat and stay awhile.

Dance?

Like a moth to the flame.

Bubbles, you're just my type.

Where have you been all my life,
Mr. Smith?

You're going to see a lot of me
from now on.

There's a lot of you, too.

Stop that now, I'm ticklish
about my figure.

Oh, here's my big boy!

- What, so soon?
- Life's too short.

Look.
Oh, come on, Tom, dance!

Well, would you like to dance?

No, I'd rather go to the garden
where we can be alone.

Why, certainly.

Let me look at you.

My, you're handsome.

I haven't splept a wink since
I first saw you.

You should take a powder.

- You're married, aren't you?
- Yes.

And the funny part of it is
I love my wife.

- No!
- Yes.

That's rather a strange thing to say
to a girl that you've just enjoyed kissing.

Nothing like being frank about it.

Well, I thought you ought
to be prepared.

You see, these little affairs
are only charming...

...when they result in no
entangling alliances.

Oh, my dear boy, please.
I hope you don't think I'm that sort.

I value my freedom as much as you do.

It'll be the part of the charm, the sad,
sweet charm of our romance.

To know that it must end.

But while it lasts, let's enjoy it.

That's okay with me, girlie.

Oh, Tom.

All right, Tubby.

Is this regular?

Not responsible for hats, coats,
or kidneys.

Say, what's the idea?

Well, if the nail stays on,
we'll drink it.

Oh...

Oh, you sweet thing, you're gonna
like me in a big way, aren't you?

Say, is that a reflection
on my size?

Oh, you're not fat.
You're just exaggerated.

Oh.

Now...

Oh, Tubby.

Thanks.

Oh, Cleo, look at this.

A beautiful swimming pool.

- Oh, can't we go swimming?
- That's what you're here for.

Where are the suits?

Do we have to wear suits?

No suits?
What a gal, what a gal!

I love to feel the water
against my skin.

You bet you're going to wear
a suit, young lady.

Tubby, this girl's terrible!

- Very good.
- Well, here we are, girls.

- Where can we change?
- There's a dressing room right there.

Tubby and I will go to my room.

We'll be right with you, boys.

Take your time.

But make it snappy.

We're pinched.

Oh, it's all right.
It's Charley Miller.

Why, yes...
Why, hello, Charley.

- Hello, how are you?
- What are you made up for?

Leaving on a fishing trip tonight,
just stopped in to ball you fellows out.

Why, what's the trouble?

Well, you know, when I first
met you two, I said to myself,

now there are two young,
smart fellows...

Charley, if it's important, don't you think
we'd better go into the house?

It's so stuffy in the house.

But the mosquitoes out here
are terrible, Charley, they...

- You ought to do something about that, Tom.
- Yes, I know...

Excuse me, I got it.
It's much better inside, Charley.

Perhaps you're right.
This is important.

You'll find it so much more
comfortable in here.

- Well, what's the bad news?
- This motion picture contract.

Why didn't you consult me before
signing a fool thing like this?

- I'm supposed to be your attorney.
- Well, what's the matter with it?

Have you any idea what you fellows
have bet yourselves in for?

Sure, we're putting up 200,000
to make an independent picture.

It'll gross half a million.

We'll make a hatful of money
and have a lot of fun besides.

Apple sauce. You may lose a million.

- How, Charlie?
- This director you've got.

Why, he's the biggest bust in Hollywood
and you can't even fire him.

You've got to ride with him
and pay the bills.

- Well, that's true...
- You've got to protect yourselves.

How?

Give all your properties to your wives.

- Our wives?
- Yes!

Well, don't you trust your wives?

- Oh, sure, sure!
- I see.

Still, give everything to our wives.

Oh, after all, Tubby,
it's only temporary.

Oh, all right, I'll sign it.

With a prayer in my heart.

Good. I had your financial statements and
I made out the transfers this afternoon.

- Where do I sign?
- Right there.

I'll read this over.

Stocks, bonds, home,
checking accounts...

Oh, if Sally ever got hold of this.

I tremble at the thought.

I see the poor house looming
in the distance.

Now, you file these transfers away
and when the picture's finished,

tear them up, that's all.

Thanks very much, Charley old sport,
that was very thoughtful of you.

- Very glad to. Be good.
- Yes, goodbye, have a good trip.

Lots of fish... You see him out, will you?
I'll have to put these in the safe.

- Yoo-hoo!
- Oh, there you are.

Bubbles.

- How do I look?
- Oh, marvelous.

But wait.

There.

Oh, Tubby!

- You like it?
- Oh, grand!

Not so bad.

Tubby, how could any girl resist you?

- Say, where's Cleo?
- Oh, Cleo!

- Here's Mr. Vanderbilt.
- Just a minute.

All right, I'll wait.

- Tubby.
- Hm?

- Carry me?
- Okay, baby!

You know, this is the first time
I've ever ridden in a Mack truck.

Look out, I may lose a wheel, eh?

Look out, Tubby.

Darling, give the little girl a hand.

I can't fasten this thing.

That's funny. I'm sure I had it
when I came downstairs.

Say, what is this, a game?

Let me know if I'm hot or cold.

Maybe it's in here.

Here it is, I've got it.

Must have left it here while
I was putting my gloves on.

Oh.

- Well, come on.
- No, now wait a minute.

While you're here, you'd better
go and get your jewels.

What would I want with jewels
on a trip like this?

Well, you want to look your best.
You can't tell who we're going to bump into.

- I'm all set to blaze like a beacon.
- All right.

Well, hurry up, we won't get
to Caliente till morning.

I won't be a minute.

Sally, come here, what do you think?

Come here, come here, listen.

Tom and Tubby, they've given us
all their property.

- Were they in their right minds?
- No, really, listen.

Homes, cars, stocks, bonds,
checking accounts, everything.

Here, that's yours.

Oh, somebody catch me.

Oh, if Tom were here, I'd give him
a great big hug.

And I'd like to smother Tubby
with kisses.

Bless his little fat heart.

Oh, and Sally, imagine,

we were hurt just because
they had a business appointment.

- Yeah... working hard all day for us.
- Yeah.

And then pitching in again at night.

Tubby taking a bath with a chicken.

Oh, Bubbles, Bubbles,
I was never tickled like that before.

Bubbles...

I'll go down and bust that bubble.

No, no, wait a minute, Sally,
wait a minute.

Hello, Eve...

I just stumbled over the grip.

I thought you had a business appointment.

I have, hm-hm.

Yeah, I... I thought I'd get
a little comfortable.

It's quite warm, you know.

And then, um... these movie people are very
particular about being entertained.

Yes, as a matter of fact,
they're very funny that way.

Who is that donut that Tubby
is dunking in the pool?

Dunking a donut?

A redheaded donut.

Hm-hmm... oh, that.

Oh, that's the young lady that
we're trying to talk business with.

Oh, I see.

Yes. You know, we thought it wouldn't
hurt to be a little friendly.

It might get her to reduce
her salary, you know.

The only thing that she'll reduce
is my Tubby.

Say, Tom, where's your girl?

- My girl?
- Isn't this a foursome?

Hm?

Oh... why no, Eve.
What an idea.

Hey, Tom, what are you two
doing up there?

Ah-ha!

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Well, where is she?

Hm?

Oh, Eve, don't be absurd!

Well, as a matter of fact, we were
expecting Charley Miller.

And he didn't show up.

Now, come along, dear, you know there's
no harm in Tubby, Charley and myself...

entertaining a young girl that we're
trying very hard...

...to put under contract for the picture.

What's that?

That... that's the shade.

Hm-hm, it flew up.

You know, shades fly up like that
now and then.

There's someone in that room.

- Who, for instance?
- Oh, how should I know?

Maybe it's Charley Miller.

Go in and see.

- If these two scoundrels are deceiving us.
- Yes.

Oh, how do you do?

Oh, how do you do?

Your name isn't Charley Miller,
by any chance?

My name is Cleo Del Rio.

Why, where did you come from?

Well, um...

Madge Horton telephoned me she
was coming here to talk business.

So I invited myself.

There was no one here
when I arrived.

You see, I must have been upstairs
in my room dressing.

So, I helped myself to a suit,
and here I am.

- And you've never met my husband before?
- No, darling.

- No, never. Mr. Martin, isn't it?
- Yes.

- Madge has often spoken of you.
- I'm awfully glad to meet you.

May I present my wife...
and Mrs. Smith.

I'm so pleased.

I'm very happy to meet you.

Well, I think that ought to explain
everything, dear.

Hm?

# Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes #
# She shall have music wherever she goes #

Look out! I'll fall!

Oopsy-do, oopsy-do, oopsy-do.

No, I want to play piggyback
clear to the top.

Huh? All right.
All aboard? Toot-toot.

Piggy-wiggy-wiggy...

Now... now listen, sweetheart.
You're so suspicious, darling...

Never mind, never mind.

Piggy-wiggy-wiggy...
Piggy-wiggy-wiggy...

Piggy-wiggy...
Oh, come on in, Tom.

The water's fine, lovely.
Piggy-wiggy-wiggy...

Tubby... Tubby, no...

That isn't the way the director
told you to do it.

- Huh?
- Oooh!

Aw, poor little piggy lost its tail.

- Hello...
- Well, Miss Horton...

Now listen, everything's fine.
Thank you so much for coming here,

and I'll see you and give you that
contract in the morning.

Goodbye, Miss Del Rio.
Awfully sweet of you.

So, this is one of those studio conferences
I heard so much about.

Tom Martin, I'll never forgive
you for this.

- Darling, I can explain everything.
- Explain nothing.

You never carry me around
on your back piggy-wiggy style.

Piggy-wiggy-wiggy,
icky-picky-wiggy.

Darling, but we were rehearsing
one of the scenes in our picture.

Oh, maybe that's why you come home
so tired every night.

Come on, Sally, let's go.

Yes, let's leave these waterlilies.

No, no, sweetheart, don't...
Just a minute, darling.

I tell you what.
Wait till we get dressed.

- And then we'll drive to Caliente with you.
- No it's no use, we're going alone.

Wait a minute!
If you're going, go ahead.

But if you go broke down there,
don't wire us for money.

Because you'll not get it.

I'm sure of that. You couldn't give
us another nickel.

Sally!

Let's all go to the races together.

I'm sorry, Tubby, a racetrack
is no place for a jackass.

- Where's Mr. Martin?
- He's in the library, sir.

In the library...

All right, when she comes in, will you
please tell her that Mr. Martin called?

Yes, her husband.

- We're broke!
- Broke?

I've just been to the bank and both
our accounts have been withdrawn.

- By whom?
- Our wives.

Our...

They're gone.

- What's gone?
- The transfers.

Transfers?

It's... our lives' blood.

And we wouldn't be in this fix if you
hadn't played piggy-wiggy-wiggy.

I'll never play that game again.

That's what they meant when they said
they didn't want any more of our money.

Well, come along, let's be going.

- Where?
- Where?

To Caliente before they spend it all.

Have you any money left at all?

I haven't a thing left in my name
but the telephone! Come on!

- They're coming down the home stretch.
- Which horse did we bet on?

Oh, the last one, of course.

- You mean that one that's all by himself?
- Yes, the one that runs like Tubby.

Oh, well, what do we care?

Here goes $500 more of Tubby's
hard-earned money.

- Oh, I love this!
- So do I.

Okay, Frank.

Now ladies, any time I can be
of further service, call on me.

Don't worry, we'll keep you busy.

Thank you.

Wow, this is the life.

Don't go away, we'll be back
in a few seconds.

Place your bets.

34 red.

That little marble must have
a grudge against us,

it bounced right in our number
and then right out again.

- Here goes. This is all.
- Yeah, me too.

15 black.

Broke again.

Oh, well, easy come, easy go.

- Let's go over and cash some more checks.
- All right.

I beg your pardon.

Where have I seen your face before?

Well, I don't know, I usually
carry it around with me.

Oh, now I've got your face.

He's finally got my face.

You're Mrs. Smith, aren't you?

Yes.

- Do I know you?
- Well, I'm Mr. Perkins, Paul Perkins.

Remember, the one that got you those
seats for the football game at Stanford?

Oh, Eve, this is the little college kid...

that bought those football tickets
the time that Tubby and Tom...

...were out of town, do you remember?

Oh, yes, how do you do?

- Hello.
- Well, well, well,

it certainly seems good to shake
hands with a familiar face.

Um, it sure is...

Is Mr. Smith down, Mrs. Smith?

Oh, no. We came down here
for a good time.

Caliente is no place for husbands, huh?

That's right.

By the way, um... have you a friend?

- You mean down here?
- Hm-hmm

Oy, yes, um...

Remember that quarterback that made
that 60-yard run in the game that you saw?

- Oh... oh, can you get him?
- Sure.

- Oh, will you?
- Yeah.

Well, hurry up, and hurry back
to your alma mater.

I'll be back in a jiffy.

Hey, Sally, he's a cute little
thing, isn't he?

Yes... he looks like a little Austin
with the pants on.

- Oh, now...
- He does.

My error. Bad luck.

Superstitious, hm?

How are you making out,
fish face?

Just about to blow our last dollar.

- Yeah?
- Wait a minute.

Well, that's that.

Cheer up, boy.
Our depression is over.

In a few seconds, you're going
to meet a couple of rich mamas.

- Did you say rich?
- Rich?

They use thousand-dollar bills
for garters.

Well, where are they?
Lead me to them.

Wait a minute now, don't get
All-American too quick.

Do you think we could winch a couple
of dinners out of them?

Certainly, but, um... these are not
ordinary women, see, so, um...

Don't get collegiate until about 9:30.

Ladies, may I present
the one and only Hal Rogers.

- How do you do?
- Glad to know you.

- Pleasure.
- My pleasure.
- Thank you.

Well, now that we're all in a huddle,
what'll we do?

- How about a little bite?
- What?

Oh... you mean something to eat.

Yes.

Athletes are always hungry.

What do you mean athletes,
I'm as hollow as a drum.

You know, it's dangerous dining out
in public with married ladies.

- See that bump?
- Yes.

Result of a jealous husband.

You know, Sally, I think he's right.

Yes, of course he's right.
We're wild, but cautious.

Supposing you come over in our bungalows
and have dinner with us?

- Yes.
- That'll be just fine.

We'll meet you in your
bungalow, divinity.

Goodbye.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Doesn't he say the cutest things?

He called me divinity.

Can you imagine a divine giraffe?

Oh now, Sally!

Here they come now.

- Oh, come right in, boys.
- Hello!

- Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
- Thank you.

Hey, did you miss me, divinity?

Oh, did I miss you, I never knew
the hour could be so long.

Hello, boys.

- Hello.
- Sweet cookie, you look lovely.

- Thanks.
- Hey, are we early?

No, you're just in time.
Dinner will be right over.

Ah, dinner.

Aren't these the cutest little bungalows,
mine is just next door.

Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm excited.
I mean it's over that way.

Say, this is a nice place...
Hey, look, a piano!

Hey, hard nose, come on,
whip that thing.

- Do you want me to play?
- Oh, yes, please.

- Come on.
- Fine.

There.

They laughed when he first
sat down at the piano.

Where are you, sugar?

Let's play this one.

How's every little thing here, hm?

No, I think I'll take a cigar
if you don't mind.

Aren't you afraid of stunting
your growth?

Now don't kid me about my size,
I may fool you.

Paul, do you play?

Well, not the piano, but, um...

Get me on a sofee and, um...

Oh, yeah, well back right up,
back right up.

You know, I love your funny
little pug nose.

- Yeah?
- It's so cute.

It reminds me of my little Pekinese.

Hey...

What are you going to be
when you get out of school?

That is the question.
To be or not to be.

- Do you keep up with your studies?
- Well, yes and no.

Do you ever do any homework?

Sure, where's your home?

Oh, naughty!
Naughty, naughty, naughty boy!

- Am I bad?
- You are a baddie!

Oh, goodie!

- Oh, you need air.
- Yeah?

Oh, sonny!

Oh, you know this one, Stormy Night?

I'll try it.

Oh, go away from me!

Oh!

- Go on back!
- Why?

Oh, go away...
Eve, save me!

Oh, he's been reading Tarzan of the Apes.

Well, didn't you ask me if I was
up in my lessons?

Yeah, but I don't want to be around
when you graduate.

- Come on, let's play some more.
- No... let him play.

Yeah, play music, will you?
Nice, soft, cooling music.

Oh, here, let's play this one, hm?

- Hey, I know that.
- Yes, I know part of it.

- You do?
- Uh-huh.

- Hey, vamp till I'm ready, will you?
- Uh-huh.

Now, what lady would have done that?

It looks bad.

Baddie.

# I'm gonna tell you a story #

# A tale of long ago #

# Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts #

# They did love each other so #

# I always get so excited #

# I know I like it too #
Yeah?

# They had nothing on you and me #

# Nothing different that I can see #

# You're so sweet, you're so tall #

# You like me and that ain't all. #

# The bigger they come #
# The harder they fall #

# Just like Frankie and Johnny #

# You're so short, still I see #

# You're the boy meant for me #

# Come on, climb upon my knee #

# Just like Frankie and Johnny #

# Let's play tag and peek-a-boo #

# You tag me and I'll tag you #

# Mama goes where papa goes #

# Just like Frankie and Johnny #

# I'm just as normal as Frankie #

# Don't be too formal with me #

# I got g*n .44 #
# You got fun, have some more #

# Root-toot-toot, p*stol sh**t #

# Just like Frankie and Johnny #

I can't, I won't let you go.

I won't let you go.

Now remember, Tubby,

don't let the girls know that we're wise
that they have those transfers.

You told me that a thousand times.
I won't forget.

There are only two glasses.

I am very sorry, se?ora,
I will bring two more.

- Never mind, it isn't necessary.
- Thank you.

Here you are, waiter.

Buy yourself a curling iron.

Gracias, se?ora.
Muchas gracias.

Well, we needn't let the public in on this.

Goldilocks, I'm just nutty
about your hair.

Oh, now, behave yourself.

Whoa! Tom and Tubby coming
up the path.

- Who are Tom and Tubby?
- Our husbands.

Hey, come on, let's get out of here!
I ain't gonna get sh*t in no bungalow.

Right!

Go away this way...

Don't go that way, you'll bump
right into them.

Go into the bathroom till we
can get rid of them.

Oh, don't mind your hats, go in!

Sally! There's no time to stay
for dinner anyway.

- Now, you get tough and don't you weaken.
- I have no intention of weakening.

All right, now, go on.

Get yourself together now.

- Hello.
- Oh, my husband!

Whose husband were you expecting?

Oh, Eve, Amos and Andy are here.

Hello, Eve.

Sally, dear, aren't you glad
to see your little Tubby?

Oh, yes!

When are you going home?

- Well, aren't you going to kiss me, darling?
- Oh, now, you keep away from me.

Sally, dear!

I suppose you two Arabs know
you're in the wrong tent.

Why, we just came down
to talk things over.

Yes, we just came down
to talk things over.

Oh, Eve, they just came down
to talk things over.

- Hello! Food?
- Let that food alone!

- Is that a chicken?
- No, it's a seagull.

Well, what did I tell you, Tubby,
they were expecting us.

- Oh, no, we weren't.
- No?

Well, then who were you expecting?
There are places set for four.

Well, we were expecting two old ladies
that we met at the hotel.

Oh, yeah?

Yes, and you might frighten them.

Tubby.

Great Scott!

Have you taken to smoking
cigars down here?

Pardon me?

I suppose you're gonna say
that I can't smoke cigars.

Evidently you can't.

There's a lot of things that we girls
can do that we can't talk about.

Pardon me, it's an old Mexican custom.

Sally, who started you smoking cigars?

Nobody.

I picked it up myself.

Well, put it down again.

You're making me sick.

Making you sick?

Who's smoking it?

I've a sneaky suspicion that you two girls
have been stepping out.

What do you think we came down
here for? Crochet doilies?

This is no time for kidding.
Don't forget that you're a married woman.

Forget it? That's why we
came here, to forget it.

You're still our wives,
and so long as you have our names,

you must learn to respect them.

That's just a bluff for you.

Is it?

Tubby, put that Kn*fe down.

You fool, that thing's sharp.

I'll say it's sharp.
And I'll show you how I can use it.

I'm right at home here in Mexico.

I think we're going to be
buried in Mexico.

Ha! Right through the heart.

Very good, Tubby, very good.

Say, that's pretty good, Tubby.

I think I'll try it.

Now this is the little scene
from our new picture.

- Entitled...
- Don't you ruin that door!

Oh... But Tubby was just showing you
a scene from our latest picture.

That's when the jealous husband throws
the Kn*fe at the villain's head.

Now I'll show you how it will be done
when we actually make that scene.

The head is just about there.

Well, now that you've seen
what we can do,

you'd better not play around.

Limpia este vaso y tr?elo.

Limpia este vaso y tr?elo.

Qu??

Okay, okay, okay, limpia este vaso
y tr?elo, y tr?elo...

- Imb?cil, estes vasos est?n limpios!
- Limpia este vaso y tr?elo!

Hombre, qu? derecho tiene usted
de venir aqu??

- Y tr?elo, y tr?elo...
- Est?n limpios los vasos!

Limpia este vaso y tr?elo.

Stupid waiters.

I don't see anything stupid about them.
You're the stupid ones.

Yes, now that you've almost ruined our
evenings, maybe you'll leave us alone.

Oh, come along, sweetheart.
Now, this thing has gone far enough.

Pardon me, Sally.

Oh, come along, Eve, open the door.

Eve, dear.

Sally, have a heart.

If you don't get away from me, I'll call the
police and I'll say that you're annoying me.

Then you will spend the night in jail.

Oh, now, Sally, you don't mean that.

I certainly do, and I'll come
around in the morning...

...and I'll poke things at you
through the bars.

Come along, Tommy.

Ah-ah!

Ooh!

Goodie.

Oh, dear.

Oh, what a sap I've been.
The sweetest little wife in the world.

And I let you lure me into this.

Don't blame me, blame Miller.

- Hello, there!
- Oh, so you finally got here.

Yes, and gave up a perfectly good fishing
trip to straighten you fellows out.

Why, I was catching a mackerel...

What are we going to do,
what are we going to do?

Our wives have got all our money,
we are broke.

- Give me the lowdown on this.
- I will.

This little middle-aged reprobate...

- Say, Sally.
- Hm?

Do you really think the boys meant
anything wrong last night?

Well.

No man carries a woman around
on his back just for exercise.

Yes, I know, but...
I didn't catch Tom doing anything.

No.

He probably did his freewheeling
before we got there.

But we've no direct evidence for divorce.

Now, any judge knows that you can't play
around with fire without getting burnt.

Ouch!

Oh, that's hot.

I burnt my tongue.

And that's the truth and nothing
but the truth.

I see. Now don't worry about it.

I'll iron the thing up.
Why, there's nothing to it.

Now you boys go to your rooms
and wait for me, I'll be right back.

And Charley, make it soon.

- Oh, I hope he's right.
- Yes, I hope so.

- I'm afraid there's not much hope, Tubby.
- Oh, cheer up, old kid.

With Miller on the job our wives
will be here in no time.

Weeping on our shoulders,
begging us to take them back.

I've seen that bird before a jury.

Yes, you can be cheerful if you like.

I know Eve, I tell you I don't have
a chance in the world.

And it's all your fault.
If you hadn't...

- Hello, handsome.
- Greetings, Tubby.

- How did you get here?
- A two-dollar bill.

And an obliging chambermaid.

Holy mackerel! And our wives
not half a block away!

Now listen, girls. Get dressed and get
out of here as quickly as you can.

If our wives ever catch you,
there'll be a double m*rder.

Well, Tom, we're in terrible trouble.

She's in terrible trouble.

- Oh, you don't know what trouble is.
- No?

Well, we bought a lot of stock
on margin.

And our broker says if we don't raise
$20,000 before tomorrow noon,

he'll sell us out.

Twenty thousand? A mere bag of shells.

We were just wondering
if you wouldn't help us.

It's only 10,000 apiece, and that
isn't much for millionaires like you.

Not much? I'd like to get my hooks
into 10,000 cents.

Cleo, we haven't a dime to our names.

- Oh, don't make me laugh.
- It's the truth.

In a rash moment, we gave everything
we had to our wives.

That's a new one.

The first time that's ever been
pulled on us.

I'd like to check up on this.

I've never heard of anything so ridiculous,
a man giving all his property to his wife.

I think I'll just phone your wife.

No, no, Cleo, please!
Please don't do that!

You call our wives,
I'll call the undertaker.

No, Charley, you can't tell me
that four people...

...have to get into bathing suits
in order to talk over contracts.

But Sally, there's nothing improper
about that.

Where do you think I was brought up,
in a dumbwaiter?

Well, nothing really happened.

I think I know Tubby better
than you do.

Oh, give the boys a chance.

They're in their hotel room right now
waiting to be forgiven.

He's right, Sally. Come on, let's go over.
We can at least have a talk with them.

No, there's no good can come
of our going over there.

Sally, if you were on a jury,

would you condemn a man to be hanged
on circumstancial evidence?

I don't believe in capital punishment.

That's why I'm not going
back to Tubby.

- Oh, come on, Sally, let's go over.
- Yes, do.

All right, I'll go. But something tells me
this expedition is going on the rocks.

- All right.
- Sure, everything's going to be...

Oh, now, come along, come along.

Why, of course we're going
to take care of you.

But we can't do that until we've fixed
everything up with our wives.

- Stop!
- Hm?

All right, unlock that door!

- Oh, no, my dear boy.
- All right, I'll unlock it myself.

You try and I'll scream,
do you want me to scream?

No, no, shh!

No... you nearly gave me heart failure.

- Probably the house d*ck.
- Shh!

Who is it?

It's Eve, Tom. Sally and I want
to speak to you for a minute.

Think fast, we can still save you.

No!

Get down! Get...

So, this is Mexico.

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

They brought their lilipads with them.

Sally!

Believe it or not, but these girls
are not here with us.

Yes, I can see that, Tubby,
you're waiting for a ferry boat.

- Oh, get off my lap!
- Well, you didn't say that last night.

Oh, so there was a last night.

Tubby, where's Tom?

Just a moment.

Your wife's here.

Mrs. Martin, this situation calls
for divorce, I believe.

Calls for it?
It's screaming for alimony.

I won't stand for that!

Oh, sit down and take a load
off your mind!

This is an outrage!
Listen, Mrs. Smith.

Don't try and talk my wife
into a divorce!

- She can't get it.
- Oh, yes, she can.

- And we can help them.
- I don't see how?

Eve, these girls are framing us.

If we testify that these boys
brought us here...

...with the promise of making us film stars,
and then made advances to us...

Made advances to you?!
You little golddigger.

Would that be worth $10,000 apiece?

Ten thousand dollars to get
rid of Tubby?

- Chicken feed.
- You can depend on us.

Come, Madge.

Sally! I'm your husband!

You go home!

I'm through with you!

I'm going to stay here and be kissed
by a Spaniard!

Come on, Eve.

Now, now, boys, don't get stampeded.

- I'll stop these divorces.
- How?

Get this. If you could manage
under any pretext,

to spend a night under the same
roof with your respective wives,

that stops the divorce.

What are you talking about?

The law will construe that as condoning
your offense. In other words,

that your wives have forgiven you
and they can't get a divorce, don't you see?

Isn't that just like Miller?

- Well, what's the matter?
- You're not a married man, are you?

- No.
- No.

And you've never flirted with a girl...

...and then tried to make your wife
grin and like it, have you?

- No.
- Of course you haven't.

If you had, you wouldn't make
such an asinine suggestion.

Spend the night under the same
roof with our wives.

Sally doesn't know her own strength.

And I bruise so easily.

Well, that's the only way
to save your property.

I don't give a hang about
the property.

- I just want Eve.
- Then get busy.

You may have a tough night of it,
but it'll be worth it.

Oh, come on, Tubby, we only live once.

All right, I'll try.

I'd rather go over Niagara Falls
in a rumble seat.

Here's what you do.
You go to your room and wait for my...

Well, here we are.

Good night, Tubby, and good luck.

But Charley, how am I going to get in?

You see, if Sally sees me sneaking in,
she's liable to hit me with something.

I'll tell you what we'll do.

You sneak around to the back
of the bungalow.

Then I'll ring the front doorbell.
When she comes to the door,

you climb in through the bedroom
window, eh?

All right. It'll be the first time
I ever climbed in a window.

I've jumped out of a few.

Tom Martin!

I beg your pardon, but I'm looking
for my wife.

- How did you get in there?
- I climbed in through the window.

How dare you come in here
when I'm alone in bed.

Well, that's the way every devoted
husband wishes to find his wife.

Alone, in bed.

Well now, you just get right
out of here.

I want to read.

Eve.

I'm the most miserable man
in the world.

Yes, well just keep on being miserable,
but get off my foot.

Well, if that's the way you feel
about it, goodbye!

Goodbye, don't slam the door.

Eve, are you going to send me
out of your life...

...without even one little kiss?

I certainly am.

Why, this may be our last meeting.

Won't you give me a memory?

- Just one last sweet memory?
- No!

Won't you even let me kiss
the little hollow in your elbow?

Tom Martin, are you crazy?

Well, that isn't asking too much.

Just a little hollow in your elbow.

Well, all right.

But hurry up.

- Now you go to bed!
- Here?

No, in your own room!

Well, Eve, let me kiss the other
little elbow.

Will you get out of here before
I lose my temper?

Eve, you'll never see my face again.

Did you hear what I said?

What's that?

- Hm?
- What is it?

Shhh!

- What is that?
- Shhh!

Tom, what is it?

Shhh!

What is it?

Why, it's the cutest little mouse.

- Oh, a mouse?
- Yes, a little Mexican mouse.

They're the most dangerous kind.

They sneak up on you while you're
asleep and bite you.

- Catch it, Tom, catch it!
- Say, have you got a piece of cheese?

Tom, do something, will you?
You know how I hate mice.

All right. Here, mousie, mousie,
mousie, mousie.

The little rascal's hiding from me.

Oh, Tom!

- Eve, there are three of them.
- Oh, three?

Hm-hmm, true. Yes, there's a mother
mouse and two little mice.

Tom!

- Where are you going?
- Where am I going? To get a mouse trap.

Tom, don't leave me, please.

- All right, I'll stay here all night.
- Oh, no, no.

On second thought, I'd rather
have the mouse.

Very well, good night,
see you in the morning.

Tom, I can't stay alone here.

Now, come long, which is it to be,
the mouse or me?

- Well...
- Look out!

Eve, Eve, he's under the bed!

No, he's outside...

There's another one.

There's another one...

Ah, ah, ah...
No, look out, look out!

There he goes.

- There we are. That's two of them.
- Where's the other one?

He's here.

Now come along, do I go or stay?

You stay.

- Where are you going?
- To get my pajamas.

Oh! Sally, Sally, dear!

Sally, don't faint, Sally.

Don't faint. It's Tubby, Sally.

Come... Sally.

Sally, dear, Sally...

Sally, Sally... don't faint.

Sally, it's Tubby.

Oh, water.

Oh, Sally.

Sally!

Wake up!

Sally, dear... Sally.

Sally.

- Where am I?
- You're in the bathtub, dear.

You just fainted.

How do you feel?

I feel like a catfish.

Sally, Sally...

Oh... hey... turn that thing off!
Don't you see what you've done?

See what you've done?

Look at me, I'm all wet.

You're all wet? What about me?

Oh, Sally, stop that, will you?

Stop that, stop that, will you?

Sally, have a heart!

I've had all the business I'm gonna
stand from you!

I've just had enough,
I want you to get out!

- I will not!
- Will you get out!

Get out! I've had enough!

- Get out!
- You let me alone, will you?

- Tubby, I want you to get out!
- I'll do nothing of the kind!

I'm your husband and I'm going
to stay right here!

- Oh, you are?
- Stop that!

- What are you going to do?
- Calling the police.

- What?
- Get away from me!

- Sally...
- Now, you get away from me!

Let go, will you?
Let go of that phone!

Sally, give me that!

Let go of that, I...

I'll show you, I'll show you.

Come on, get up from there!

- I...
- Get up!

You get away from me.

From now on, you'll do as I say!

Go away from me, I don't want
to have you come near me.

- Come here, come here!
- Go away from me!

- Give me a kiss!
- I wouldn't kiss you if you were the last...

You wouldn't, eh?

Limpie este vaso e tr?elo.

Este vaso, este vaso e tr?elo.
E tr?elo, e tr?elo, e tr?elo, e tr?elo.

- Pardon me, Mr. Miller?
- Yes... thank you.

All right.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Tom.

Everything's okay, eh?

Oh, you stayed all night.

Did you get the papers?

That's fine.

Is Tubby with you?

Yeah... yeah, I know where it is.

Yeah, I'll be over right after
breakfast. Say!

You don't know what a favor
I'm doing you two fellows.

Oh, yes, sure, I realize that.

Well, thank you very much, Charley.

Thanks.

Well, are you ready, darling?
We'll take that little swim, hm?

Oh, look who's coming!

Piggy-wiggy.
Piggy-wiggy-wiggy.

Icky-picky-wicky.
Wicky-wicky...

Piggy-wiggy-wiggy.
Piggy-wiggy-wiggy.

Icky-picky-wicky.